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Ever been around a woman who was closed down, shut off, or emotionally unavailable? Ever felt like your partner wanted to say something but was holding back, and if you'd somehow shown up in a different way, maybe she'd have let you in?
Perhaps you've felt some version of, "I can’t handle that anger right now so I need to remove that anger from her." Or if your partner is upset with you, you've expressed something like, "You don’t need to feel that way because here was my *intention* in doing that."
Dating, sex, and relationships can feel like a huge mystery. Hell, women and feelings themselves can feel like a huge mystery! But there are certain principles that hold true, and grasping the nuances of polarity can help you navigate everything with more grace and clarity.
Here, I share personal stories of feeling opened by a man (as well as times I've felt closed by one), and we outline what it takes to become the man who can open an available woman.
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"Instead of acknowledging what she was feeling and getting curious, it triggered my wounding around not being enough as a man, so I would try to explain to her why she was wrong.""Can I allow the person who hurt me to then be the person to hold me?""The deeper trust we form is, 'Oh, we can do this. We can move through conflict.'""This is one of the greatest gifts we can bring to another human being." -
"When I was at my worst, I didn’t know there was a way out."
Sometimes in life we get stuck. We don't know how to deal with big feelings, so we self-medicate -- with alcohol, or porn, or weed, or food.
But often the self-medication gets in the way of things we really want -- love; intimacy; healthy, connected sex; joy.
You may think of 12-step programs as solely for alcoholics, but they're far mroe comprehensive. There are programs for porn addiction, codependency in relationship, sex & love addiction, and for those who are loved ones of an addict (or adult children of parents who were addicts).*
Addiction and recovery profoundly affect your sex and love life, and here, speaker and 12-step mentor Mark Wilde delves into his own story, and how his journey has positively impacted his marriage.
In his words, as he grew and healed and learned to lead: "When I became more vulnerable and expressive, I had reciprocation and energy from her that I’d not experienced before ... our relationship began to ascend dramatically."
If you want to feel inspired and uplifted, listen on.
*These groups are: Codependents Anonymous (CODA), Porn Addicts Anonymous (PAA), Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA), Al-Anon (for the loved ones of those who struggle with addiction).
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Evolutionary Men RetreatReady to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 1 slot left.
Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.
To sign up or learn more, go here.---
Memorable quotes from this episode:"My parents passed away, my marriage ended, and it got bad.""Alcohol became a solution to deep-seated issues that had carried on since childhood."“I still felt myself wearing lots of masks and building up lots of walls.”“How am I going to placate and keep the peace and make her happy?"“When I did work with my body, I felt the unlocking of everything.”---
Mentioned on this episode:What Happened to You? -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Has your woman ever been in her masculine, and you wished she was in her feminine? Here's something that doesn't work: "Hey, could you drop into your feminine already?" ;)
So how do you polarize your woman well? Polarity is one of those mysteries in life like electricity: We don't fully grasp why it works, but we can harness its power to make our lives better.
I love polarity work because it can make a concrete difference in sex, love, dating, and relationships. I've seen countless clients ditch old dating advice, learn about this, and then say, "Wow, this polarity thing really works on a date." Or, "Man, I wish I'd known about polarity sooner ... my marriage might have gone differently."
The fact is, no one teaches us about dating and sexuality and HOW to connect well. Most men don't learn how to flirt with girls, how to polarize a partner, or even what polarity is. Yet it's a fundamental relationship dynamic that can help with everything.
Here we lay out five practical ways to polarize a woman partner into her feminine, helping her to drop into her heart and soften. If you've ever wondered why certain evenings with your wife or girlfriend were magical, while others felt like pulling teeth, this may help.
And if you're a man who has sex with women and you want to help your woman soften, receive more of your love, and relax into even deeper levels of trust, this one is for you.
Quick note: We talk about this on the podcast and wanted to include it here: If you suspect your partner may have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) (i.e. nothing you do ever seems to make a difference with her), polarity work won't cut it.
You may also want to listen to our episode on that subject: 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder.
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Have you ever been concerned about getting involved with a woman because you didn't want to hurt her feelings if it didn't work out?
Ever felt like you shouldn't go deeper emotionally with a woman you were dating because you weren't sure you wanted to put a ring on it?
Does it ever feel like all women want a long-term, committed relationship, so if you're not available for that, you're somehow doing something wrong?
The fact is, sex, dating and relationships are complex. There are a lot of possibilities, and the best kind of relationships are the ones that feel good to both parties.
Here, we explore how to date ethically, share what you're available for, and how to be aware of what's underneath your fear of upsetting a woman. We also outline the immense value of short- and medium-term relationships, and what some women really want when it comes to those.
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:“There are a LOT of men who have so much care and concern, it causes them to not fully engage.”“I’m here for this; let’s see what’s here.”“You cannot be in relationship with someone and never hurt them.”“A successful relationship doesn’t always mean life partnership.”“Experience is always more valuable than theory.” -
If you’ve become aware that you experienced developmental trauma (and/or attachment wounding), you may wonder how to heal from it.
Where do you go to move through stuck parts of yourself that are holding you back? How do you get things moving and release blocks so you can finally get what you want in sex, dating, and relationships?
Jason was a self-proclaimed late bloomer Nice Guy with developmental trauma — he had sex for the first time at 26, and still had a lot to learn around dating. Plus, he was often numb and felt like life was sort of happening to him. He wanted more, but didn't know how to get there.
Then he went to a men’s work workshop where a mentor took just twenty minutes to get him to a place he hadn’t touched in 3 full years of talk therapy.
It was transformational.
(And now he’s married to a beautiful, self-aware, radiant woman with whom he has a thriving relationship.)
Here’s the story of how he got there — and how you can, too
Evolutionary Men RetreatReady to do the work live? Join us in Northern California for an epic time connecting with nature, making friends, and healing your bodymind. This sold out last year and the year before. As of this episode dropping, we've got 5 slots left.
Labor Day weekend (last weekend of August), 2024.
To sign up or learn more, go here. -
Ever felt like when it comes to your relationship, you're constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or that when you come home, you don't know what (or who) you're going to get? Or that every moment is, "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?" "Are they OK?"
Reality check: It is not normal to be constantly on guard or anxious in your relationship. That kind of chronic anxiety is highly dysregulating -- and yet it's the "norm" for many of the men with whom we work. Whether they're in sexless marriages, struggle with overwhelming anxiety in dating, or yearn for more closeness with their partners, they're suffering. Are you?
Here we discuss the difference between an unhealthy and healthy love relationship. A healthy love relationship is one in which the relationship GIVES you evergy, rather than draining it from you. Or as we put it, “It’s not a healthy relationship if it requires you to abandon yourself over and over.”
And: “Our relationship should co-regulate us, not dysregulate us.”
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:“There’s a sense, if I don’t keep making my partner OK, they won’t make it.”“We definitely see the toxic loyalty play out with Nice Guys.”“I’ve got to pay attention to survive here.”“Being with you in our dynamic is actually causing me self-harm. I’m hurting myself just being in relationship with you.”“Most importantly, I feel safe with you.”“Your relationship becomes a generator!”---
Other episodes related to this one:Episode 106: What does it mean to 'do the work'?Episode 196: Are you a child of neglect? -
Ever wanted to explore role-play in sex? If so, you're not alone! According to research, one in three people in North America alone wants to try some kind of role-play in the bedroom, whether that's doctor/patient, professor/student, cop/detainee, pirate/wench or some other sexy dynamic.
Why is sexual role-play so intriguing? Is it different from kink/BDSM? How do you bring it up in a fun and respectful way with a partner? What are your hesitations, and what might your partner's hesitations be? And what's your pleasure? What would you want to explore?
Here we delve into all of it: sexual taboos, our own personal experiences with role-play, how to talk about sexual role-play with a partner, and more.
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode: "We had both had experiences of being in shut-down sexual relationships."“I don’t want to be the director; I want to be the actress.""These aspects of our psyche are more than just entertainment.""Relationships can evolve.""It’s a basket of possibiities!" -
"It felt kind of like a trap, but at the same time felt like a soothing warm blanket to feel safe and ruminate within."
"The codependent relationship is filled with drama. There is blaming, a victim and the rescuer/protector. That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me."
"It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried."
The word "codependence" gets thrown around a lot, but it's not always clear what it means. How do you know if you're codependent? How do you know if your partner is codependent? Can one person be codependent while the other isn't?
Here we delve into our own personal experiences of codependency, as well as the experiences of some of our clients. We aim to provide clarity on codependent dynamics and how to overcome them.
In Jason's words, "Too many men stay in a place of perpetual suffering." If your love relationships have never felt quite right -- if they've always felt off, or you've felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she couldn't take care of herself), or you've never felt like you could get it right with your partner (nothing was ever enough), this will be relevant for you.
A lot of the men we work with are aching for MORE, and I just want to say -- that's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode: “We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”“While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”“As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”“There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.” -
Did you have a deeply present, emotionally aware father who took the time to attune to you and teach you how to be a trustworthy, integrated man?
If so, you're in the minority. ;) Most of our clients had far-less-than-ideal role models when it came to the masculine -- which makes becoming a trustable adult man challenging.
For example, do you feel equipped to lead hard conversations with your woman partner, and help the two of you navigate repair? Are you able to stand up for yourself in a deep, grounded way without getting defensive or shutting down? Did you ever see any of those things role-modeled in your family of origin?
The fact is, we learn how to be in the world from our caregivers. If you were raised by people who were abusive, alcoholics, neglectful, or just not emotionally attuned to you, then there are gaps in your understanding of sex, dating, and relationships. Here we talk about how to fill those in -- and how to replace bad role models with good ones.
If you're someone who wants to grow beyond how he was raised -- this one is for you.
Themes from this episode:
The impact of having an emotionally volatile dad vs. absent/passive dadIf you don't want to be "that guy" -- the angry guy, the shut-down guy, the guy who makes women uncomfortable -- how do you act instead?How do you reclaim your manhood if you grew up with women who badmouthed men? (i.e. "Don't be like your father")The power of men's work---
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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There's a lot out there about Nice Guy Syndrome. But what happens after? What is the magical land of Boundaries, for example?
If you’ve figured out you’re a Nice Guy, you’ve likely been in a love relationship or two (or five) where you felt like your partner walked all over you, or where you developed resentment after overextending yourself. Or perhaps you've consistently felt used in your relationships.
If you’ve ever had thoughts like, “When’s it going to be my turn? Why doesn’t she want to have sex with me?” or, “I’ve done so many good things, nobody should ever be mad at me.” — then you’re plenty familiar with Nice Guy Syndrome!
But what happens after you’ve recovered? What’s the dream? What happens once you’ve mastered things like asserting yourself, knowing what you want and need and how to speak up for it, and how to set healthy boundaries?
Here, Dr. Glover and I go through the before, during, and after states of Nice Guy Syndrome. It gets spicy in places, so get ready for a fun ride!
Memorable quotes from this episode:“Nobody ever taught me, ‘Say what’s on your mind.’ In my family, that was actually punished.”“You begin to realize that a lot of the patterns in your life are triggered by unconscious toxic shame, and deep anxiety states.”“In the process of having good guy friends, my love relationship has improved dramatically.”“This is the most productive, satisfying year of my life.”“We’re healing for humanity.” -
Ever contended with anxiety, depression, chronic pain, ADHD, or OCD ... and had that affect your sex or love life?
Ever suspected that you have generational trauma, or thought you were broken?
Ever felt like there was something wrong with you because you just can't seem to get it together when it comes to relationships?
Spoiler alert: There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not broken. Sometimes we just all need some support to break through big blocks.
Here, I talk with David Romero, psychedelic integration coach, about how microdosing psilocybin can help human beings live fuller, richer lives -- including in relationship.
So-called "magic mushrooms" have huge potential when it comes to healing. And with all the stresses of modern life, we can use all the advantages we can get when it comes to helping us to have more regulated nervous systems, heal attachment issues, and overcome chronic pain.
If you've ever been curious about microdosing psilocybin as a therapeutic modality, you won't want to miss this one.
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"More often than not, the root causes of physical pain are deeply psychological.""We’re byproducts of the stress that took place before we even arrived in this world.""These things do amazing things because they help give you a different perspective.""It allows us to take a step back from the crisis our mind is putting us into.""I can confidently say it has made a profound impact on my life and my love relationship."---
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Mentioned on this episode:How to Change Your Mind -- mini-series on psychedelics used for healing, streaming on NetflixFantastic Fungi -- excellent documentary on mushrooms (psychedelic as well as other kinds), streaming on Netflix -
"I took responsibility for things that wasn’t mine to take."
So begins the brave stories of four men who share their personal experiences of what it was like being in relationship with a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder (or with traits of it).
If you've ever been unsure about whether your partner may have traits of BPD, this is a good one to listen to. For example, ever felt like your role in your relationship is solely that of a caretaker? In one man's words, "I felt like a caregiver and she was my responsibility."
Thrillingly, this episode is about more than just the intensity of being in an unhealthy relationship. It's also the story of freedom, expansion, and joy. It's how these men got out, and the brightness, love, and peace that's possible on the other side.
In one man's words, a turning point was interacting with someone who treated him with kindness and respect: "It was a healing moment and I began to imagine a different life for myself."
What does it take to get out of an unhealthy relationship? What is life like after you do personal growth work and heal? Sex, dating, and relationships are complex, and here we delve into all the dynamics at play from beginning to end.
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Memorable quotes from this episode:“Anything I shared about myself was eventually used against me, and sometimes in cruel ways.”“My life in the relationship was like being on a rollercoaster with no safety harness.”“My self-worth started to come back, and that’s what made me think, ‘What am I doing in this situation?’”“In my current relationship, I feel grounded, safe and loved. It’s a world of difference.”“Now life is pretty fucking great.”---
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Other resources mentioned on this episode:National Domestic Violence hotline (includes a live chat feature, if you don't want to get on the phone yet): TheHotlineDear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality DisorderDear men episode 289: Do Nice Guys attract volatile women? -
Have you ever felt like you needed to make a lot of money to impress women?
Ever had a dynamic shift around money in a relationship, and not known how to deal with it (for example, she starts making more than you, and you have unexpected feelings about that)?
Have you wondered who should pay on a date (do you offer to? Is that considered sexist now?)
If you've wanted to be a fly on the wall and hear the unvarnished truth about how women feel about men, money, and masculinity, then this one's for you! Of course we don't represent all women, but you'll likely appreciate the diversity of perspectives. Get ready for vulnerability, depth, and some good laughs along the way.
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Ever chased emotionally unavailable women? Ever dropped a connection because you felt overwhelmed, or like something was "off" but you couldn't quite name what it was? Ever been uncomfortable with the "mess" of dealing with someone else's emotions, or been hesitant to share your own out of a fear of rocking the boat? Then this episode will resonate.
Here we talk directly about avoidant attachment traits -- including what they've been like for us personally. For example, finding something small but unappealing about someone (like what kind of shoes they wear), and having that get in the way of relationship.
We do this to bring these patterns to light, so that we can learn to work with them. When it comes to the different attachment styles, including anxious, avoidant, and anxious/avoidant (aka disorganized attachment), we also want to be clear that we can always move towards secure attachment, and that learning and growth are more than possible.
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More episodes on this topic:Dear Men episode 196: Did you experience emotional neglect as a kid? Here's how to knowDear Men episode 62: What do you do if you're not sure she's "The One"? (ft. Dr. Laura Kasper) (this one goes more into de-activating strategies mentioned on this episode)---
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Sexy time, pickers, and dating, oh my! Here I answer the following three common client or listener questions:
"I’ve heard women say it’s a red flag if the man has not had relationship experience. What do you say?" "One issue I've had is selecting the right female partner. What is a good way to guide myself to go about doing this?" (My picker is off)"How do I initiate sex without coming off as demanding? I come from a relationship where I think I pressured her into sex, or I wrongly felt sex was owed to me … how can I now be bold in initiation without coming across as pressuring?"---
I want to give a shoutout to the men who asked these questions. It's brave to put yourself out there and ask about what you really want to know.
Got a question you want me to cover? Hit me up at dearmen at gmail.com.
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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When is it time to stay and work on things in your marriage, and when is it time to let things go? Perhaps you can relate to scenarios like these:
You're worn out and exhausted because you're always the one reaching out to your wife and never getting anything backYou're great co-parents but your sex life is DOAAs a couple you rarely or never openly fight, but there's constant, underlying tensionYou feel like you can never get it right with her, and often feel hopeless about experiencing the intimacy you so deeply crave---
The truth is, sometimes it's clear that a relationship isn't working, but sometimes it isn't. If you're unsure and trying to figure it out on your own, you're not alone.
Many of our clients have been through the muck and confusion of trying to figure out their marriage, and here they share the depth of their hearts in that process.
Both marriage and divorce can be sources of great pain, shame, and longing. They can also be sources of transformation, spiritual growth, awakening, and freedom.
Here we delve into what to do when you don't yet have clarity around your marriage. We also touch on what it takes to improve your relationship, and how to make the determination with as much grace as possible.
And remember: "There can absolutely be miraculous turnarounds in relationships when both partners are committed and willing."
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Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"It’s very easy for men to fall into a place of isolation in life.""If one person is not willing to step into the growth, there’s not much you can do.""I keep inviting my partner into that and she’s unwilling.""Sometimes the greatest act of leadership is to stop tolerating mediocrity.""When there’s a vibrant, passionate sexual connection between the couple, it lights up the whole family system." -
If your marriage isn't working, you're suffering. Maybe you're fighting all the time (whether aloud or not). Maybe you're great co-parents, but you don't connect in an intimate way anymore. And when I say "intimate" I'm not just talking about sex; I'm talking about warmth, closeness, and connection.
Should you automatically stay in a relationship because there are children involved?
The fact is, kids are perceptive and intuitive. They're aware when there's distance or discord between parents, even if they don't talk about it. And whatever you're doing in your relationship, you're role-modeling what a romantic relationship is. Is yours one you'd want your kids to have?
Here, we go over "making it work" and relationship dynamics that do affect the kids -- and not in a good way. Sometimes it's possible to repair a marriage, and sometimes it's not. Put more frankly, sometimes the best thing to do is to separate for both you and the kids.
Growth always requires getting uncomfortable, and if you want your family to truly thrive, sometimes delving head-on into discomfort is the brave and loving thing to do.
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old, often intergenerational trauma patterns, and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Have you ever been scared of your wife / woman partner? Ever been harmed by her? If yes, it's likely you never felt like you could talk to anyone about it because you were afraid of what they would say, or whether they would shame you.
In polarity work, we often talk about feminine storm. But where's the line between feminine storm, feminine rage, and abuse? We want to break the silence and go into this.
According to the CDC, one in seven men in the U.S. has suffered severe physical violence at the hands of an intimate partner. But physical violence isn't the only thing that can happen; emotional abuse is also deeply harmful, and very common for some of our clients.
The truth is, there is a way to work with strong emotions without harming a partner. Here, we, as two women who are attracted to men, share our own personal stories of the difference between our feminine storm and our feminine rage. Healthy relationships are predicated on being able to handle conflict well, and that's a skill many of us still need help with.
We also help you know: As a man, how do you know whether your partner is within the realm of normal -- if what you're going through is normal?
Know that it's always possible to recover from a toxic relationship, and that more is possible.
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"Allowing women to be emotional and have emotions like anger, rather than shutting down and being intellectual.""Can we work this through together in our shared nervous system?""Many of us shove our anger inside and then we’re tense and anxious and depressed.""It’s masterful to be able to feel an emotion, witness, and communicate about it.""We’re sharing feelings, not dumping feelings.""I want to blame you! I want to make you wrong!"---
Mentioned on this episode:Statistics on intimate partner abuse (aka domestic violence) against menDomestic violence hotline for menBorderline Personality Disorder -
"I’m getting a boner — what’s she going to think??"
So begins the conflict for a lot of boys and men have around their cock. From a young age -- basically from the time boners start to be a thing, "It’s like a lot of men are constantly tracking, ‘Am I having an erection and if I do, how do I hide it?’"
The thing is, hiding and secrets go hand-in-hand, and they generally don't go anywhere good. The fact is, especially during teenage years, boners aren't even always about turn-on. As one man put it, "NRBs are a thing!" (No Reason Boners).
We're on a streak here talking about how to overcome sexual shame (see what I did there?). Here we delve into the complex relationship many men have with their sexuality, and in particular to their erections.
Related questions:
How do you even know what healthy sexuality is if you've never seen it role-modeled?What is a boy supposed to do or say if he gets a boner at an unexpected time?How do you teach boys and young men that getting a boner, rather than a source of shame, can be a source of pride?Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"Our turn-on is visible from the outside."“It’s like what my body is doing is wrong.”"Men mocking men when they get hard creates a deep inner conflict.""The antidote to shame is connection.""Men having an erection is a sign of health.""What that shame is teaching is us to be in opposition to what we are.""‘If he gets a boner, he’s going to try to fu**.’""I have a choice in what to do with my sexuality." -
Did you grow up with a religious background? Then congrats, you likely experienced sexual shame! Perhaps you still do to this day.
The truth is, it's deeply confusing to grow up having completely natural sexual urges, but be told you're bad or wrong for having them. In the words of the panelists:
"For a long time I thought, 'What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I get over this?'""I was taught, 'Don’t touch, don’t look, don’t think, don’t act.'""As a teenager I thought, 'I’m going to go to hell and there’s no way to get around it.'"Here, a panel of four men, three of whom grew up in the Church of Latter-day Saints (LDS, aka the Mormon Church), and one who grew up Catholic/Christian, discuss their journey from religious programming to a more full, rich, and healthy sexual expression in the world.
But it doesn't stop with healthy sex. Because one of the effects of feeling blocked, ashamed, or perverted for having natural sexual desires is that you tend to have a lot of trouble relating with those with whom you want to have sex.
This begs the questions: What is healthy sex and sexuality? What is healthy connection? According to one married man, "It took us 32 years of our marriage to be able to unravel and untwist this trauma."
Religious deconstruction from LDS and other religions is real, and it's doable. You can overcome sexual shame, religious indoctrination, and more.
If you want to go from being afraid to connect with women to having the healthiest relationship of your life, listen on.
If you're looking for inspiration, hope, and dare I say an experience of transcendence, listen on.
Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. (We've worked with a lot of men who grew up LDS or with other religious backgrounds, so if that's you, we're here.)
To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
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Memorable quotes from this episode:"As a child, we were taught that sex-related sins were worse than murder.""I grew up with a daily sense of guilt and shame, and, 'I’m so dirty or gross, why would they want me?'"“I felt like God set me up to fail.”"The sexual experiences I’ve had since my divorce have been unbelievably healing for me."“The more we talk about it, we expand ourselves and it does something in our own nervous system.”“Now I can find some freedom in it. It’s OK to have sexual needs.”"I’m horny as hell and excited to have a fun Friday night!" - Visa fler
