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Episode Summary:
The end of the year often brings about a time of reflection over our growth and achievements from the past year, as well as dreaming and planning for the next year. A popular practice at the start of a new year is to choose “a word of the year” to guide our focus, goals, and resolutions for the next year. For some, this is a rewarding and encouraging practice. For others, it leads to guilt and shame when they don’t have a word of the year.
In this episode, Dr. Michelle and Rev. Jessica share their experience with the practice, as well as several alternatives to the popular “word of the year” practice so that we can continue in the new year growing in our faith walk without the pressure thinking that there’s just one way to do this.
Quotables from the episode:When others are following a practice, and God is not confirming it for you, it can lead to you feeling inferior, feeling left out, feeling like a failure, and wondering if you don’t hear from God.
The problem with many of the quizzes out there is that we can skew the results based on our answers. They are strongly influenced by our personality, by our expectations of ourselves, and by what other people have said to or about us.
God’s approach with each one of us is not a cookie cutter format.
1. Reflect on Past Growth
When we get to the new year, we can tend to be so focused on what's coming that we lose sight of what has been and what has God done for us in us and through us. And there is a good place to pause and reflect on how you grew and changed, especially over the past year. That can guide where we need to go, where we want more growth. What do we need to continue doing that the Lord has shown us?
Reflect on God’s Faithfulness Through Journaling
Oftentimes God's faithfulness in our lives is tied to a difficult circumstance. And especially if we've had a hard year, we kind of just want to close the chapter on the year and open up the new one. And there is a time and a place. We don't want to dwell. Dwelling in negativity and the frustration part of it isn't healthy, but dwelling in God's faithfulness is absolutely healthy because remembering His faithfulness is going to carry us through future hard things. When we can look back, when we can reflect on the past year to see God's hand at work, even in those unforeseen circumstances. And if we can start celebrating those small victories, those unexpected lessons, when we can build altars of God's faithfulness, that can actually propel us into the new year.Questions to ask yourself at the end of the year:
“What were some of the most significant moments of the past year?” “What did I learn about myself through the trials and triumphs of the past year?” “How did I grow in my faith and understanding of God’s purpose?”We can get so focused on our accomplishments that we lose sight of the fact that our purpose is to fellowship with God.
Our purpose and our call are slightly different things. When we pursue our purpose, our call will follow.
Our purpose is to fellowship with God.
God will not bless my call when I make my call my idol.
2. Choose a Guiding Verse or Scripture
Choosing a Bible verse or a passage to meditate on throughout the year, it’ll help us keep our focus on God’s guidance rather than our personal ambition.3. Set up a monthly or quarterly intention.
Break up the entire year inter shorter time frames. It might be monthly or it might be seasonal. Use those shorter time frames to focus on areas of growth that God is encouraging you. It could be, for example, to focus on one of the fruit of the spirit at a time, or focus on a theme like prayer one season and gratitude the next, forgiveness another, the armor of God, etc.4. Anchor Yourself in Prayerful Reflection
If we are anchored in prayerful reflection, God will guide how he wants us to focus going into the new year.Spending time in prayerful reflection gives us clarity, and it gives us wisdom, and it gives us peace.
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Philippians 4:13 "I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.” John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” Isaiah 43:2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Hebrews 4:12-16 “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 10:35-36 “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.” Joel 2:25 “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten— the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm — my great army that I sent among you.” Psalm 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Host and Co-Host:
Connect with Jessica Van Roekel:
Website / Instagram / Facebook
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Co-Host:
Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
Continuing in our “Sacred Scar Story Series,” in this episode I chatted with Veronica Sites, who shared about the pain and wounds she endured that culminated in her believing the lies that she would be better off dead. She attempted to eliminate her life, but God had other plans. Now she shares the sacred scar that God is using to educate the church and leaders about how to respond in such a mental health crisis.
If you have ever experienced depression or anxiety, or suffered the loss of a friend or loved one to death by suicide, then today is the perfect show for you. My guest today, Veronica Sites, is a first response crisis chaplain. She grew up in a family of first responders. And sadly, she lost a family member to death by suicide. This experience caused a shift in how she responded in such situations. But she also experienced some tragic life experiences which brought her to the point that she began to believe some lies that took her down the path to attempting to end her own life by suicide. When she woke up, she told a friend, “The Lord is going to use this for His glory. You just watch.” And that is what has happened, as she now serves as a first response crisis chaplain, and she tries to educate about suicide prevention. I no longer believe that my previous suicide attempt is my identity. I am first and foremost a child of God. My painful wounds that led to my desperation also made me forgiving and more merciful. Healing my wounds has caused me to have greater compassion and empathy for others who suffer. The enemy is relentless to get us to take his bait. Once I regained consciousness, I became angry that I believed the enemy’s lies. Victory is in the vulnerability with the Victor. The most unhealed wounds are usually the invisible ones. God can be trusted with our vulnerability. Our painful wounds can be both destructive and productive. We get to choose what result they will have by how we respond to our hurts. Can we listen to others as if there is something to learn?
Quotables from the episode:
Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Proverbs 17:17 says “A brother is born for a time of adversity.” Proverbs 27:17 “Just as iron sharpens iron, friends sharpen the minds of each other”.
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Local Suicide Prevention Hotline: dial 988 TALK Suicide Hotline (800) 273-8255 Suicide Text Line: 741-741 https://www.crisistextline.org/textline Hope Line Suicide Prevention Network (800) 784-2433 Elijah App –helps people struggling to reach their support system with one text Hope When You Have Thoughts of Suicide - Episode 22 Hope for Recovery for Suicide Attempt Survivors - Episode 49 Love Me to Life: Suicide Recovery at Church by Veronica Sites Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Veronica Sites:
Website / Facebook / Instagram / X / Pinterest / Vimeo / YouTube
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Veronica Sites is a Trauma-Informed Behavioral Health Coach. She serves as peer support and creates safe space for ministering to survivors touched by and that seek recovery beyond the moral injury left by suicide. She challenges the church and her leaders to be equipped and have a plan and protocol every volunteer knows and uses to connect people to next step help.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Episode Summary:
Reverend Jessica Van Roekel joins me as a co-host as we take on the challenge of how to celebrate the holidays with hope, even when life isn’t merry. They explore common struggles such as grief, unmet expectations, loneliness, and the pressures of maintaining traditions. Offering both spiritual and practical tips, they share how to hold joy and sorrow simultaneously, lean into God's presence, and embrace meaningful rest during this season. Whether you're personally struggling or know someone who is, this episode provides encouragement and tangible ways to navigate the season with grace and hope.
"We can hold sorrow and joy simultaneously. God gives us grace to feel both and meet us there." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson "Social media is just a shadow of people’s lives—you see the shape, but not the details." — Rev. Jessica Van Roekel "Rest isn’t running away from life—it’s running to life in Him." — Rev. Jessica Van Roekel "Those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson "If you’re lonely, invite someone into your loneliness—it creates community and shared comfort." — Rev. Jessica Van Roekel "We can celebrate the holidays even when life isn’t merry by holding both joy and sorrow, knowing God meets us right where we are." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson "Grief doesn’t follow a timeline—it ebbs and flows, and that’s okay." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson "When we abide in Him, even the busiest season can feel more manageable." — Rev. Jessica Van Roekel "We often extend grace to others but forget to offer that same grace to ourselves." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson "Loneliness during the holidays isn’t just about being alone; it’s about what feels missing." — Rev. Jessica Van Roekel "Doing the minimally acceptable is still celebrating—there’s no rule that says it has to be perfect." — Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Quotables from the Episode:
Psalm 30: "O Lord, my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me. O Lord, you brought me up from the grave." Deuteronomy 31:8: "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Romans 12:12: "Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." Galatians 6:9: "Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Romans 12:15: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn."
Scriptures References:Recommended Resources:
Reframing Rejection: How Looking Through a Different Lens Changes Everything By Jessica Van Roekel Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Host and Co-Host:
Connect with Jessica Van Roekel:
Website / Instagram / Facebook
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Co-Host:
Jessica Van Roekel is a worship leader, speaker, and writer who believes that through Jesus, personal histories don’t need to define the present or determine the future. She inspires, encourages, and equips others to look at life through the lenses of hope, trust, and God’s transforming grace. Jessica lives in rural Iowa surrounded by wide open spaces which remind her of God’s expansive love. She loves fun earrings, good coffee, and connecting with others.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
As the holidays approach and we’re inundated with messages about thankfulness, you may wonder: does gratitude actually change anything? Is there science behind the old advice to “count your blessings”? In this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I’m diving into the connection between Gratitude and Neuroscience, showing how adopting a heart of gratitude impacts not just our spiritual lives but also our mental and physical health. Scripture reminds us that what God commands aligns beautifully with how He created us. I’ll share 25+ unique things to be grateful for and why cultivating thankfulness, even during tough times, is so important. Together, we’ll look at how gratitude helps us see hidden blessings and keeps our focus on God’s faithfulness.
God never wastes our pain; even in difficulty, we can find reasons to be grateful. When we will be continually in a prayerful posture, God will open our eyes, our minds, and our hearts to recognize and then be willing to thank him for all those things that we had previously dismissed or not considered. I want to have a constantly grateful heart. So I'm consistently challenging myself to notice little or unusual things in life, those things that maybe I sometimes take for granted, and offer up thanks for them. When God tells us to be thankful in all situations, He means it, but I believe that as we pray without ceasing, like that verse in First Thessalonians said, that God is the one who creates a thankful heart in us. Start with the small things. Start with the unusual things. And I'm firmly convinced that the more we cultivate an attitude of gratitude, the more we realize we really do have to be blessed and thank God for. Gratitude shifts our perspective, revealing God’s hidden blessings in our everyday lives.
Quotables from the episode:
1 Thessalonians 5:17-18 “Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” Proverbs 17:22 “A merry heart does good like medicine.” Psalm 139:16 “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Romans 12:18 “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Host:
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Dr. Michelle Bengtson is an international speaker, a national and international media resource on mental health, and the bestselling, award-winning author of Hope Prevails, the Hope Prevails Bible Study, Today Is Going to Be a Good Day, Breaking Anxiety’s Grip, The Hem of His Garment, and Sacred Scars. She is also the host of the award-winning podcast Your Hope-Filled Perspective. A board-certified clinical neuropsychologist in private practice for more than twenty years, Dr. Bengtson blogs regularly and offers a wide variety of resources on her website, DrMichelleB.com.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode of the Sacred Scar Story Series on Your Hope-Filled Perspective, I had the opportunity to talk with Becky Beresford about a significant time in her life when things didn’t go as she hoped and meticulously planned. She experienced physical, emotional, relational, and spiritual pain. She shares how her first pregnancy was fraught with complications, leading to grief, loss, and deep wounds. Becky discusses how she learned to trust God through her struggles and how He brought healing, leaving her with beautiful sacred scars as a reminder of His faithfulness.
Jesus is good and with us in our suffering. If it weren’t for my scars, I wouldn’t know Jesus like I do. When life turned out the opposite of what we prayed for, I had to heal from the inside out. God uses our seasons of painful darkness to bring comfort to others. Joy and grief can and often are intertwined. Scars remind me what God brought me through. The enemy kept telling me “You’re not enough.” The truth is, I’m not enough, but God is enough. Satan tried to define me by what I considered my failures but my God is bigger. God shines through my weakness. God is so faithful and he got me through the hardest time of my life, and now my scars are a reminder of what he has done. Rainbows aren’t actually arches, but rather, full circles. Rainbows can only be seen from a higher perspective, and God’s promises are still true even when I can’t see the whole picture.
Quotables from the episode:Recommended Resources:
She Believed He Could So She Did: Trading Culture’s Lies for Christ-Centered Empowerment by Becky Beresford Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Becky Beresford:
Website / Empowered Email Tribe / Instagram / Facebook
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
BECKY BERESFORD lives in North Carolina and is happily outnumbered by her husband and three wonderful boys. She is an author, speaker and coach with a Master's Certificate in Spiritual Formation and Discipleship from Moody Theological Seminary. Becky loves encouraging God’s Daughters to embrace Christ-centered empowerment through the truth found in the gospel, and her first book with Moody Publishers, She Believed HE Could, So She Did, released in March, 2024.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this Sacred Scar Story, we hear from Lori Wildenberg who faced the unimaginable pain of nearly losing her daughter to depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. She shares how her faith and God’s presence guided her through this dark journey, ultimately bringing healing to both her daughter and herself. This story of resilience and hope offers encouragement for anyone navigating similar struggles.
Wounds have to be uncovered and cleaned out before real healing can take place. With great pain often comes fear, which can paralyze us and keep us from moving forward. Even when God healed my loved one, I had to come to the realization that I, too, had wounds that needed healing. It sounds counterintuitive but helping others helped heal me. God sets us up to have interdependent relationships. God is our helper. Even those parts of our lives that are messy and embarrassing can be used by God to help others. If you suspect your child is suffering from anxiety, depression, or suicidal ideation, ask them if they are thinking of hurting themselves, so you don’t have to ask, ‘Why didn’t they tell me?’
Quotables from the episode:
Hebrews 6:19 (NIV) We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. John 16:33 (NIV) I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Messy Hope: Help Your Child Overcome Anxiety, Depression, or Suicidal Ideation by Lori Wildenberg Messy Journey: How Grace and Truth Offer the Prodigal a Way Home by Lori Wildenberg Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Lori Wildenberg:
Website / Facebook / FB Community / FB Group / Instagram Lori / Instagram Moms / Podcast
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Helping families create connections that last a lifetime is Lori Wildenberg’s passion. Lori, wife to Tom, mom of 4, and Mimi to 1, shares her stories of failures and successes, in her books and talks, to encourage and equip parents. As a licensed parent and family educator, she leads the Moms Together Facebook group and page and co-hosts the Moms Together Podcast. The Wildenberg home is nestled in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. www.loriwildenberg.com
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
Our guest on this episode, Kathy Collard Miller, was raised by a very angry mother. The more Kathy tried to suppress her anger, the more it surfaced. Over time, Kathy found herself expressing her anger toward her husband and her daughter, and in her own words, abusing her daughter. Kathy shares her painful wounds in this episode, as well as the story of redemption and the beautiful sacred scars God has given her.
Sometimes when we talk about pain or wounds, that pain comes at the hand of another. Sometimes we have no explanation for why it happens (like a medical diagnosis), and sometimes we participate in choices that end up hurting us in the long run. Frequently our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain. I have a unique story because not only was I wounded, but I wounded others in turn. As a child, I didn’t know I had anger building up inside of me until in third grade I hit my best friend in the nose. To this day, I have no recollection what I was so angry about that would prompt me to be aggressive. As my friend ran away sobbing, I thought to myself, “See what happens when you get angry, Kathy? You’d better never get angry again!” Buried anger doesn’t go anywhere except making a volcano. Also in the third grade, I was sexually harmed, although I didn’t know that that was what it was called, but I thought it was my fault and that I should have prevented it. So the anger toward myself began to build. My mother was orphaned at the age of ten, resulting in her own anger issues toward me that built up inside of me. I didn’t know it would be detrimental toward others later, but I’ve also found it to be something that God has used in amazing ways. I was never taught how to appropriately deal with my anger. As a little girl who tried to be perfect to prevent me from overreacting in anger, I then thought that God must be disappointed in me and that he was expecting me to be angry. Because of the messages I was taught when I was growing up, I pictured God in heaven with his arms crossed saying, “Kathy, when are you going to be perfect so I can love you?” After I became a Christian at 17, I married my husband, Larry. But all the anger that had built up in me started coming out toward him because his promise of being my perfect, Godly, prince charming didn’t come true and left me totally disappointed. I interpreted that as there was something wrong with me. I began to believe I wasn’t loved or cared for and that came out in bitterness, anger, criticism, never being happy, or never being thankful for what my husband did do. I began to displace my anger toward my husband on to my two-year-old daughter because when she misbehaved, I interpreted that as “I am a horrible mother.” In the end, I began to physically abuse her. I kept praying for an instantaneous deliverance of my anger and when God didn’t do that, I believed God had given up on me, and I almost took my life. But God intervened. We have to feel it to heal it, meaning we have to acknowledge the pain. Then we have to choose to engage in the healing process. When we don’t choose the path of healing, other things will happen and there will be consequences of that, until one day it comes out at a less opportune time and a less opportune way. Scripture talks about the importance of getting wise counsel. There is no shame in needing help. Seek out a trusted friend, a mentor, a counselor, a coach, or a pastor and get help. Do not try to handle your pain alone. When people didn’t follow through with what they said they were going to do, I concluded that I was worthless. My healing began when I got the courage to share my sin with the women in my Bible study that I led in my neighborhood. They began to hold me accountable, and they prayed for me. I started taking parenting classes and reading books and I read in the Bible Ephesians 4:26, “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” I can be angry, but surrender whatever it is that I think I deserve that’s causing my anger. God showed me that I was making my husband an idol because I was expecting him to be responsible for my happiness and contentment. That brought me to the place where I could acknowledge God was the only one who could fully meet my needs. And whether or not my husband ever changed, that was up to God. As God began to have me share my story, other women would come up to tell me that they struggled with the same thing but had never told anyone else. My relationship with my daughter and our family is healed. She has always supported my ministry sharing with others how I treated her. She loves God. I thought I had destroyed her, but God has redeemed us and brought about a sacred scar. There is always hope with the Lord. What the enemy intended for evil, God is using for good. There is healing when we share our story in safe places. We need to get wise, safe counsel so that we don’t go back into the hiding. Satan loves secrets and he loves to cause us to hide and isolate. My journey of healing came little by little by little. When we have thoughts, we need to stop and ask, “Is this the truth according to scripture?” If it is, we allow it in. But if it is not, we need to reject it, and recite God’s truth. If God can deliver a child abuser on the verge of suicide, God can help you! I was more concerned about Jesus’s reputation than my own.
Quotables from the episode:
Ephesians 4:26 NIV “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.” Genesis 50:20 NIV “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Revelation 12:11 NIV “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” James 5:16 NIV “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Anger Management, Jesus Style by Kathy Collard Miller No More Anger: Hope for An Out of Control Mom by Kathy Collard Miller Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Kathy Collard Miller:
Website / Facebook / Instagram / X
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Kathy Collard Miller (www.KathyCollardMiller.com) is the author of over 60 books including women’s Bible studies, a memoir, Christian living books and Bible commentaries. She is also a popular women’s conference speaker who has shared in over 30 US states and 9 foreign countries. She has been married to Larry for 55 years, is the mother of two and grandmother of two and lives in Boise, Idaho.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
Have you ever prayed fervently for something for years, or even decades and began to doubt that God would answer your prayers? My guest on today’s episode is Bunny Yekzaman who prayed for over 20 years for her Muslim husband to receive God’s gift of salvation. Her journey took a powerful turn when she learned to pray in faith and release control to God’s timing. Thought it was a painful time in her life, Bunny shares how God redeemed that pain, bringing beautiful sacred scars in place of her painful wounds.
Quotables from the episode:
Sometimes we create wounds ourselves and we don’t even realize we are doing it. I was raised to not marry an unbeliever. I was told “don’t do this” or “don’t do that” but there was really no education as to why. But there are important principles in God’s word about why we shouldn’t be unequally yoked—it’s an element of protection that God puts around us if we will just obey his word. Sometimes we don’t really mean to disobey Him, but sometimes we just really don’t understand that that protection is coming from God. I knew not to marry an unbeliever, but I didn’t understand why. Was that really from God, or was that just another rule to follow? When I got into college, I met a man who was totally on the other side of the world from me. He was raised Muslim, raised in Iran, came here to go to school, denounced his beliefs, accepted the communist teaching and was teaching that in an undergraduate class at the college I attended. When they told me to stay away from him, it just made me want to run toward him. When I realized that I was a believer and he was an unbeliever, I began to think that maybe this was supposed to be my goal: to change this man so I spent 8 years trying to change him. We knew each other for eight months and then got married. Nobody said it would work, and it almost didn’t because I did step into a relationship unequally yoked. We think love is going to cure everything, but there is not true love where there isn’t a relationship with Christ. So maybe I had this deep abiding love for Jesus and for my husband, but my husband couldn’t understand that because he didn’t know the love of Christ. I went for years, trying to prove to him who Christ was and that he needed to know Jesus. I raised our children in the church, and it became a real battle because he began to believe that he was in competition with God. I realized that I had stepped outside of God’s will when I married him. I prayed and prayed for his salvation, and I learned how to love my husband with the love of Christ and not expect anything in return. He was a great husband and a great father in all other aspects, but it angered him that the children and I were praying for him and that I could have this confidence that when I died, I would go to heaven. In the Muslim faith there was an evidence of works in everything they did, so even though he denounced his faith, he couldn’t understand how the gift of eternal life was based on God’s grace. It took about 20 years of marriage before I really started seeing change. My children were on a mission trip, and I was at home, on my knees again praying for God to save my husband when I sensed a gentle voice in my spirit saying, “Bunny, don’t ask me again.” The Bible talks about being persistent in prayer, so I didn’t understand what God meant. There are three reasons why we often continue to plead with God to answer our prayers: 1) impatience, 2) wanting to be in control, and 3) not believing God for his answer. God was showing me that I was asking him for my husband’s salvation, but I wasn’t asking in faith—I was asking in doubt. We can have confidence when we pray. There is no shred of doubt that when we ask God according to his will, it will be done. But that means we have to know what his will is. If I’m praying for someone’s salvation, that’s God’s will. And if I believe that’s God’s will, and it is, then I can have a confident assurance that God is going to do what he said he is going to do. I can hold onto that promise and it changes the way I pray! After that, I stopped praying asking God to save my husband, and began praying, “Thank you God for saving my husband.” I’m thanking God for what he said he would do. He wants us to have faith. Faith isn’t believing after we see it, it’s believing before we see it. When I realized God’s word is true, I wasn’t trusting in me, I was trusting Him. Ultimately, my husband gave his life to Christ, he surrendered to the ministry, went to seminary, and has been the pastor at the nursing home where I work for three years now. Get out of God’s way. Get on your knees and thank God in advance for whatever it is you’re praying for, and trust him. Don’t pray with an agenda. Praying believing God will answer, but then surrender the how and the when to him. That way he gets the glory, but we get to witness God’s goodness and faithfulness. God has never and will never go back on a promise. If you stop getting into God’s word, that’s when the flesh takes over. The flesh will start questioning and doubting when you aren’t studying God’s word. God’s word is where you will find the strength, the wisdom, the courage, the faith, and everything you need to push through your painful trial. The enemy will do everything he can to try to doubt God. Hold onto God’s promises. The only strength that you have is God’s word. The longer a tea bag stays in boiling water, the stronger that tea becomes. Likewise, the more we stay in God’s word, the stronger we become, not in our own strength but in His, so that when those trials come, we can stand steadfast on those promises we know.
2 Corinthians 6:14 NIV “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” James 1:6 NIV “But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.” 2 Peter 3:9 NIV “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” 1 John 5:14-15 NIV “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.” Joshua 23:14 NIV "Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.” Philippians 4:19 NIV “And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” Genesis 50:20 NIV “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Philippians 4:6 NIV “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Trusting God While Praying for Lost Loved Ones How to Maintain Hope While Waiting for the Salvation of a loved One –Your Hope Filled Perspective, Episode 167 Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Bunny Zekzaman:
Website / Facebook / Instagram
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Bunny Yekzaman is a child of the King, a wife of over 40 years, mother of four & grandmother of many grandchildren She is a disaster relief chaplain, and works as an Enrichment specialist for a nursing home. Her passion is sharing God’s love & truth with a faith in His faithfulness to His promises. She lives with hope for her lost family and friends and finds it her calling to pray in faith for them.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode, author, speaker, and mother, Jodi Howe, shares the painful wounds she has gone through as she has parented a child with gender identity issues. She shares the wisdom that God has granted her in how to remain true to the gospel of Jesus Christ, but still love her daughter.
Quotables from the episode:
Often God uses our most painful experiences to minister to others. The ultimate way to glorify the Lord is to turn our pain into power. My testimonies come from experience with anxiety, divorce, and having a transgender child. But He equips, He leads, He walks alongside us, and I’m at the point now where I’m speaking from a healed scar, not a wound. I’ve gone through years of learning, growing, messing up, and trying to stay close to my faith in Christ and love my daughter through this. The thorn in my flesh came about ten years ago when my daughter told me she doesn’t like the skin that she is in and wants to transition into a male. I firmly believe that God does not mistakes and that the gender you are born in is the gender you are to live in. But that doesn’t mean that our children and the culture they live in don’t feel lost in who they are. In the course of a decade, not much has changed in her decision, but what has changed is how I approach it as a mom who is adamantly and passionately in love with Jesus Christ and is adamantly and passionately in love with my child. The Lord has shown me that I need to be open to what an agape love looks like, not just the love a mother to a child, but His love as spelled out in First Corinthians. God has shown me such incredible growth in this process. Gender identity issues is not being born in the wrong skin. This is actual societal pressure, infused by the internet, put upon lonely hearts and minds that are struggling just to get by at the times when they are the most vulnerable and the affirmations by doctors, therapists, teachers and educators who say if you want to be a duck, and act like a duck, we’re going to help you be a duck. Satan, through society, is really putting a stronghold on those vulnerabilities. But the good news is, God is prevailing through it as I knew He would, in my life, in my family’s life, and in my child’s life. You grow in Christ as fast as you are intentional about growing. I have been intentional from the day I accepted Jesus into my heart that I was going to build a life and a foundation on who He is, on His foundation. I am going to build my life around Him. These children are told that if your parents won’t let you be who you want to be, you need to threaten suicide or even attempt it so they will get on your bandwagon of transitional change in your body. 90% of transgender men and women are coming from a traumatic circumstance. It’s crucial to thoroughly vet the mental health therapists you go to for therapy. We don’t have agree or like the choices of our children. But when God says “love the Lord with all your strength, heart and soul, and love thy neighbor,” when we appreciate how much he loved us to send Jesus to die for our sins, we don’t get to love haphazardly—it is a full love of acceptance. What it has shown me is that I can love her alongside the struggles and the choices she has made. It has softened my heart to not feel as much shame, to not feel as much resentment, to not worry what people think of me…when I go to bed at night, I only care what God thinks of me. I believe that our omniscient God is going to be able to weave this into something beautiful. I know the Lord would want me to have a relationship with my child no matter what. I adore my child, and she is going to see how I, her mother who loves the Lord, is going to honor her. So there is going to be a lot of pressure on me to keep my Godly heart in check, and I’m willing to do it for the sake of my child, and most importantly, to glorify the Lord. You can stay a beautiful believer in Jesus Christ, believe that the gospels are real, and you can still love your LBGT family member but you can’t do it without God. God will show you. He will equip you, He will provide for you, and He will comfort your heart when it’s at the lowest of lows. He will speak to you, and He will give you the words to say that will speak love. We need to go to God and ask Him how to navigate this world. The only hill to die on is the one that Jesus tells me to die on, and so far, He has told me to keep going. Are we loving God’s people to life? Jesus keeps the door open, and I think He’s asking us to do the same thing. We often can’t help what happens to us, but we can take it to the Lord and we can trust that He’s weaving it and working it out for good. I’m trying very hard that regardless of what comes before me, before I react I pray; before I speak I pray. I take it to the Lord. Stop leaning on the world. It’s going to disappoint you. It’s going to hurt you. Take it to the Lord first and ask Him how he wants you to handle the situation with integrity as a friend, as a coworker, as a parent, as a child…we need to do what God tells us to do, but we have to be willing to listen first. Wisdom from the Lord will never steer us wrong. That doesn’t mean it will always be comfortable, but it will not mislead. God doesn’t care as much about our comfort as he cares about our character. When you walk with Christ, His favor is upon you. And when we walk in His favor, that makes us more attractive to those around us.
Matthew 13:6 NIV “But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.” Romans 12:1-2 NIV “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. But do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
The Air That I Breathe: Hope and Healing from Anxiety (22 Day and Night Devotions) by Jodi Howe Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Jodi Howe:
Website
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Jodi Howe is an engaging stage performer, author, and award-winning podcaster known for her heartfelt messages and magnetic energy. She hosts "The Air That I Breathe," podcast and released a book of the same name last year, both inspired by her passion for sharing messages of hope through the gospel of Jesus. Based in Cary, North Carolina, Jodi inspires through her writing, music, and dedication to her family.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode we continue the “Sacred Scar Story Series.” My guest, Georgia Shaffer, shares the pain of a broken engagement and what she thought that meant for her ministry and service to God. She shares the beautiful sacred scar that her wounds have produced, and how God is using her in the lives of others.
Quotables from the episode:
Shame from the actions of another made me feel like there was “something wrong with me!” I felt like a fool, and believed I was unlovable. Because of the pain I went through, I was sure God would never use me again. Healing came when I got involved in a supportive community that helped me to focus on the truth of God’s word. I learned I had to take my focus off the pain, and place my full focus on God. Painful trials make us more powerful because we can relate to the suffering of others. When you’re in a painful trial that you had no control over, don’t isolate, take time to grief, and seek out a supportive community with whom you can process your pain. In my painful circumstances, I learned what God can do. Pain is an opportunity for growth.Recommended Resources:
A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life After Loss by Georgia Shaffer Taking Out Your Emotional Trash: Face Your Feelings and Build Healthy Relationships by Georgia Shaffer Avoiding the 12 Relationship Mistakes Women Make by Georgia Shaffer Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Georgia Shaffer:
Website / Membership / Facebook / X / Instagram
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Georgia Shaffer, is an author, PA licensed psychologist and a Professional Certified Coach. In 2023, the International Christian Coaching Association chose her as the Christian Coach of the Year. She has written 6 books including A Gift of Mourning Glories: Restoring Your Life after Loss and Taking Out Your Emotional Trash. Georgia offers individual and group coaching online including ReBUILD After Divorce https://georgiashaffer.com/rebuildmembership, a community for Christian women struggling to begin anew after a shattered marriage. www.georgiashaffer.com.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode, Karen DeArmond Gardner opens up about the deep shame she experienced as a victim of domestic abuse in her thirty-year marriage. She shares the painful journey of living through abuse and the healing after abuse that transformed her life. Karen explains the key factors in her healing process, including how God replaced her pain and shame with sacred scars, giving her a powerful testimony of restoration and hope.
Some of our greatest areas of ministry comes out of our greatest areas of pain. I survived a thirty-year abusive marriage. I’ve been out 19 years, and it’s easier for me to talk about now becomes there comes a time when there’s been enough healing that it’s more about remembering than reliving the experience that happened. I experienced force of control, the threat of violence to control, to manipulate, and to gaslight so I would do what he wanted, how and when he wanted. Often, domestic abuse doesn’t involve hitting. I believed as a Christian that God hates divorce, so I thought this was my cross to bear and that I was called to suffer through it for Jesus. I didn’t know I could leave. People often asked, “Why did you stay?” Because I didn’t know I could leave and I was terrified of my husband who was in law enforcement, and I knew his capabilities. Instead of asking someone “why did you stay?” The better question is, “Why would he abuse his wife whom he supposedly loves?” Put it back on the one who caused the harm rather than the one who endured the harm. I didn’t want this to be my story. The shame was so powerful. I was a good Christian girl, so rather than share the shame of my story, I buried it. It was like putting a Band-Aid on a bullet wound and being unable to stop the bleeding. When I chose to leave, the aftermath was just as hard. Back then we didn’t have the resources that we have today. So there was the trauma of an abusive marriage, but then there was the aftermath in the healing. None of us would say “Oh I want to marry an abuser.” Being a Christ follower did not prevent me from experiencing abuse. When I left, shame covered me like a scratchy wool blanket and people could see it. I couldn’t look anyone in the eye and I didn’t want to be seen. When I realized no one wanted to know my story of pain, I internalized the shame and I put on a mask. You would see the absolute ugliness if I let you in, so I didn’t show you my real self. Shame has a look and a sound and how we behave. Shame affects how we talk and behave. Shame comes from the enemy and from the abuser. So, a lot of the shame we carry isn’t even ours. With His death, Jesus shamed the enemy with the cross. So, we can put the shame back on the enemy where it belongs. I changed churches over time and started attending a church where I was taught that I could heal from this experience. For me, it started with reading “Mending the Soul.” About a decade later, I went through a period of grieving over something else and I realized I had never grieved my pain or losses before. That propelled my healing. So I always recommend grieving while you heal. God doesn’t have a cookie-cutter way of healing. If you can go to therapy, do that. Nothing gets wasted in your healing journey. In my healing journey, I realized who God really is, and who I really am. God says to call unto Him and He will come to us. Trauma is a liar. It distorts who God is. He is so much kinder, so much more loving, so much more gentle, but yet, God is a lion, He is my protector, He is my body guard. It is encountering God in those dark, painful places that we learn who God really is to us and for us. Frequently, the sacred scar that comes out of these painful wounds is greater intimacy with God, knowing Him deeper, it’s understanding the fullness of His character. Anger is part of the healing process. God can handle that anger! Anger is not the primary emotion—it’s the secondary. There is something else that is going on.
Quotables from the episode:
Romans 2:4 “It is the kindness of God that leads to repentance.” Isaiah 45:3 NIV “I will give you hidden treasures, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.” Ezekiel 34
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse: Reaching for God’s Promise of Real Freedom by Karen DeArmond Gardner When Healing After Domestic Abuse, God Will Meet You – Your Hope Filled Perspective, episode 120 Leaving an Abusive Marriage Isn’t the End by Karen DeArmond Gardner Hope for Healing from Domestic Abuse – Your Hope Filled Perspective episode 119 When to Leave an Abusive Relationship by Karen DeArmond Gardner Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Karen DeArmond Gardner:
Website / Facebook / Instagram / X
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Karen DeArmond Gardner is a certified advocate who provides emotional support for domestic abuse survivors. Walking with survivors in the aftermath of domestic, as they discover how to reframe what is normal and real as they process their pain and trauma. Learning how to move from hopelessness to hope and from death to life through mentoring and inner healing.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this Sacred Scar Story, I chat with Carole Leathem, a mental health caregiver who founded a caregiving ministry after becoming the primary caregiver for her pastor husband who struggled with mental health issues, and later, her mother. Carole shares how she coped with the emotional impact of her caregiving journey, including the pain of being disqualified from ministry due to her husband's struggles. She opens up about the deep wounds she experienced and how God turned things around for good, transforming her scars into a powerful source of healing and service to others.
Quotables from the episode:
So often our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain and woundedness. I experienced physical, emotional, mental, relational, and spiritual wounds and it completely changed the trajectory of my life and ministry.
My husband of many years was a pastor and woke up one morning experiencing anxiety that continued to worsen. By the end of 2016, the anxiety led to full blown depression. It kind of blindsided me because I had never been around anyone with such devastating anxiety or depression. Eventuallly, he became suicidal and had to go into a psychiatric hospital for seven days which created chaos and messiness in our lives. When the dust settled, he could no longer pastor or do his job resulting in his early retirement. I had a fulltime speaking ministry, but all of a sudden my speaking engagements began to cancel because somehow, his mental instability disqualified me in their eyes. Scars remind us that there was a pain, that there was an injury. I went from having an incredible life, to standing in a parking lot one night asking God, “God, what has happened to my life?” But I found God walking through it with me one step at a time. I found that he had put things into place for this season 20-25 years ago that I was going to need that day. The wound was so deep, and we didn’t know who was safe to talk about our pain. I’ve been through a lot, but this was probably the most pivotal turning point in my life. In my book, Sacred Scars, I (Dr. B) shared that I was raised by a mother who was depressed my entire childhood and then I experienced severe clinical depression. I feared that that would disqualify me from my work in mental health. But what I found was that experience made me much more compassionate and empathic toward others, and my patients and readers could tell that I truly understand them because I had experienced it myself. I had already found freedom from having been raised by an alcoholic father and a narcissistic, abusive mother, but when you go through something so catastrophic, like I did with my husband, it triggered all the thoughts about not being good enough, who do you think you are, and now what do I do? Immediately I got into Scripture because I knew that if I didn’t stay grounded in God’s Word, those lies were going to destroy me. I needed to be strong not only for myself but for my husband, and I needed to go where the absolute truth was. I said to God, “Even if I never stand on a platform or teach the Bible again, I know it’ll be okay because you are in this with me.” When a crisis hits, we have to already know what we believe because that is what we will fall back on. We can’t wait until a crisis hits to determine what we believe because in a crisis we are more likely to react than to respond, if we don’t have a firm foundation based on truth.Scripture References:
James 1:2-4 MSG “Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.”Recommended Resources:
Self-Care for Caregivers – Your Hope Filled Perspective episode 168 10 Scriptures of Encouragement for Caregivers Hope and Help for How to Avoid Caregiver Burnout – Your Hope Filled Perspective episode 12 Caring for the Caregiver Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Carole Leathem:
Website / Podcast / Book / Instagram / Facebook
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Carole Leathem is a speaker, teacher, author, storyteller, podcaster, and encourager, and she has been speaking at women’s retreats and teaching Bible studies for over thirty years.
She is a certified mental health coach, professional life coach, and a spiritual formation coach.Carole is passionate about sharing her story with those God puts in her life and loves spending time with her 7 grandchildren.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
This week’s guest on the Sacred Scar Story Series, Barb Roose, faced prejudice from early childhood. This led to her believing she was never enough and compensating by trying to “outperform her race.” She shares her story, and how she found healing, and God’s peace.
I love the message that God can use all things because when we’re in deep pain, that’s the opposite of what we’re thinking: that the pain becomes a limiting factor in our lives. In my particular story, this idea of wounding actually happened even before I recognized it. In kindergarten, there was just something about me that my kindergarten teacher didn’t like. I came to find out later on that it was because of my skin color. When I was five years old, I received a very strong, palpable message: before that it was my parents and family and I was surrounded by love, belonging, and acceptance, but when I went out into the world, my kindergarten teacher sent me the message that I was not enough; there was something intrinsically wrong with me. When I was in high school, I found my kindergarten report card and my teacher had written that “Barbara will struggle in life and won’t amount to much.” At an early age, even before I knew that there was a wound, something opened up inside of me and I spent a lot of my spiritual journey working to out-perform my race. As life would go on, I lived in a community that was more than 99% Caucasian, which was not me, so there were many points when that wound would reopen. I recognized the blessing that God gave me parents and family who would show me unconditional love and I recognize that not everyone gets that. But in my case, that helped the wound not grow exponentially. I’ve seen many people from diverse communities where that wound keeps opening and deepening. Throughout my entire life I tried to heal that wound with performance. Couple that with a faith-based community that was a little more legalistic and add that to competition in a very competitive school environment and that set me up later in life to have other family difficulties like addiction issues and my divorce, where some of the themes of my past wounds would be repeated and meant that God needed to do a lot of healing. Often, some of the wounds that are the most painful start in childhood before we know who we are in Christ, before we can recognize that there is another voice that whispers to us. Because it happens when we are so young, it becomes entrenched, and we continue to carry those lies into other situations. That’s the enemy’s M.O. in that he will always go back to where he was effective in our lives before. Fast-forward 40 years later from that 5-year-old girl to 45-year-old me when I was in the midst of a divorce after 26 years of marriage. This was not a place I ever thought I would be. I had been on staff at a church for many years, was an author and a speaker for many years, and I loved Jesus when a significant portion of my life was ending. I went 8 years trying to hold on to a marriage where addiction was running rampant in a spouse who was struggling and who eventually left. All of those performance issues and trying to do the very best that I could in my capacity, on March 11, 2019, I literally crawled up the steps to my third floor apartment after my divorce hearing, and I laid in bed for 3 days. I was so overwhelmed with the trauma of it all that I lost the ability to speak. I could text but not speak. Just because we love Jesus and are walking with Jesus does not mean that life does not get overwhelming. In that season of life, I had to reform a part of my identity in Christ. I knew that I was deeply loved by God. I knew that he was with me and for me. But I had lost a significant part of myself in the brokenness of my family and who I thought I was and who I would be from that moment on. A friend encouraged me to pray and ask God for a new name. I had been Mrs. Roose for 26 years. As I prayed over the next month, God gave me a phrase that constituted my new name: “You are God’s beautiful, loveable, capable daughter. You are confident in Christ, and you are worthy of God’s best.” If you follow after Christ, you are going to participate in suffering. You are going to go through stuff, but God can and will redeem it. Healing began years before in a healing journey. The evidence of healing took a while, but I had the opportunity to work with great Christian counselors on things in me that I knew weren’t where God wanted me to be. So that healing journey began about 7-8 years before the divorce. During the pandemic, I was divorced and an empty nester all within six months. I had lost my father, my father-in-law and my husband all within one year. But one spring day, I sensed God whisper “I have restored what the locusts have eaten.” And in that, I realized I had the perfect peace of God. As a Christian woman, the “scarlet D” for divorce is something that is like a 1,000-pound heavy weight. That weight of shame was so deep and as I began talking with other friends who had been through similar experiences, there was a compassion that I began to develop. For me to let go of the shame meant clinging to the promises of God’s truth because Satan was using that “scarlet D” as a sword. I began doing something called “God Morning; God Night.” I began doing this during my alcoholism years. Alcohol walked in my door at 7am every morning so when I first woke up, I had to deal with the effects of alcoholism first thing in the morning. So, I began repeating 5 promises of God to myself before I put my feet on the floor. Later on, I would tape that note card on my bathroom mirror so I would steal myself to God’s promises. That was a slow march, every day believing the promises of God and repeating them until the whisper of shame faded away. The ABC’s of the wilderness season: A: Always believe God loves you B: Believe God’s promises for you C: Challenge yourself to surrender and let go of what you can’t control Surrender really is the path of peace. God’s got it, and it may not look like it, but the reality is that he is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine. When we let go and release our circumstances to God, we need and receive his peace and his power to get through it.
Quotables from the episode:
Joel 2:25 NIV “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm—my great army that I sent among you.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Stronger Than Stress: 10 Spiritual Practices to Win the Battle of Overwhelm by Barb Roose Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Barb Roose:
Website / Book / Facebook / X / Instagram
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Barb Roose is a popular speaker and author who is passionate about teaching women to live beautifully strong and courageous in spite of their fears so that they can experience God’s great adventure of faith and purpose for their lives. Since 2005, Barb has been speaking to audiences in the US and abroad, including national platforms such as the Aspire Women’s Events, She Speaks Conference, and the UMC Leadership Institute. She’s a Bible teacher who loves following God more than anything else in life. Barb makes God’s Word come alive through powerful teaching, personal stories and practical next steps. Audiences love her authenticity and humor. Barb is a real woman who has experienced depression and anxiety, parenting challenges, family addiction trauma and long seasons of walking by faith in unanswered prayer. Rather than teaching audiences to follow God to get what they want, Barb inspires audiences to discover that God is all they need!
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
Many of us unknowingly invest our time and energy seeking validation and acceptance from others, often at the cost of our own well-being. On this episode, I sat down with Aliene Thompson, founder of Treasured Ministries International, to discuss her journey through painful emotional wounds that led to co-dependency. She shares how God revealed these patterns to her and brought healing, turning her pain into sacred scars. Aliene shares how this transformation allows her to help others find freedom and healing in God’s love.
We will all go through painful experiences, but when we will give those painful wounds to our heavenly father, he will redeem and restore what was lost and bring beautiful sacred scars for them. I learned at an early age to perform to be perfect in order to receive love. Emotional wounds exist but are harder to see than physical wounds. Ugly words are equated with murder in Scripture, so Jesus validates emotional wounds from the words of others. When I came to the Lord, I learned I don’t have to perform in order to receive His love. I consistently found myself in a place of overwhelm, trying to please others. I used to be ashamed to share my weaknesses with others, but I learned it actually helped others. All of my works came tumbling down, and I struggled to understand how these works could be wrong. Codependency is really idolatry of man. Any time we have a lack of God dependency in our lives, God will not allow the idol to succeed. The enemy convinced me to soothe my emotional wounds through performance, people pleasing, and perfectionism, which is me looking to people to gain my worth and value, which led to a co-dependency crash. The enemy is not very creative. He always goes back to where he was successful before. So, if you have struggled with people pleasing, he will try to get you to please more people. An idol is putting something or someone ahead of God, but those idols will never satisfy. God fought for my heart. In his love for me, he would not let my idols win. I felt like I was being punished by God, but now I know it was Him fighting for my heart. He was freeing me. It was a pruning season out of love. What you bow down to, you will be bound to! God ushered me into my wilderness season. In the wilderness is where I learned God-dependency. That is where the healing came, and I learned to put God first. He is now all the validation I need. God was teaching the Israelites God-dependency before entering the Promised Land so that they would always remain dependent on Him. My promised land season was when called me back into ministry and had me teach more and brought healthy great friendships and relationships. I never want to spend one more day without God-dependency. Before Moses died, he looked into the Promised Land. God didn’t take him into the Promised Land, but Psalm 90 tells us that God was his home. Home with intimacy with God brought great healing. The deeper we go in our healing, the more quickly we recognize the efforts of the enemy and the more quickly we can run back to God and use the tools He has taught us. The wilderness season gave me the opportunity to return to my family as my top priority ministry. That was a beautiful piece of redemption. Our family is our greatest ministry. God also gave me the opportunity to see my pain wasn’t in vain. God gave me lessons that I could then share with other women, so I could comfort them. The enemy will use a half-truth and mix it with lies to us. But God gives us complete truth. God always has a greater plan, that we are often not even aware of. But if you will trust God, he can turn your situation all around and use it for good, as a beautiful sacred scar. Loss is not the end of your story. For every child of God, endings are beginnings. Loss is often the beginning of life.
Quotables from the episode:Recommended Resources:
Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Aliene Thompson:
Website / Facebook / Instagram / YouTube
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Aliene Thompson, is the founder of Treasured Ministries and the creator of the Nourish Bible Study Method and the author of the Nourish Bible Study Series. Aliene describes herself as a biblical soul strategist, which means that she helps women transform their lives by changing their approach to Bible study and by educating them on how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. She is passionate about helping women uncover how timeless biblical truths heal soul hurts. Aliene is a graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill with a Bachelor of Arts degree in communication studies.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
As a parent, we try to do the best job we can raising our children. While children don’t come with a “how-to” manual, God gives us wisdom in His word. Proverbs 22:6 tells us “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” So, what do we do, when our children choose their own path? On this episode, I chatted with Laine Lawson Craft and we discussed her story, her pain, her wounds, and now her sacred scars that came after walking a long journey with three prodigal children.
Quotables from the episode:In simple terms, a prodigal child is challenged and gets off track despite being raised under the wisdom of God.
I thought I was doing everything God destined me to do. Yet all three of my children succumbed to the enemy and encountered battles with depression, drugs, alcohol, and pornography, and I didn’t even know how big the battle was.
As a mother who tried to raise my children in the Lord, when they turned from Him, I experienced shame, guilt, and fear. We have a very dark world we’re raising our kids in.
The phone is the #1 tool our enemy uses against our kids.
When we step out for the kingdom of God, we become a target for our children.
Our son was high and drunk and in an Uber car when he encountered Jesus. He didn’t have to clean up before God began working in his life.
Every prayer we pray is captured in heaven. Prayer is your most powerful, essential weapon.
God is creating a story that brings Him glory.
The only way we have a story is with a Savior who redeems us.
God redeems me every day. I know without a doubt it was the Lord who came in, rescued my children, and set them free.
God underscored the message of hope that at no-one is too far gone, too messed up, for the hand of God to touch their heart and change their life. And that forever changed me.
God loves you right where you are. God loves you and your prodigal. You don’t have to clean up for God to come in, and rescue and deliver you.
Don’t give up “in the meantime” when your prodigal child may be mean while you are waiting for God to change their heart and their ways. You may be disappointed, discouraged, and at times hopeless, but don’t give up.
God has a great plan for your child, and He is the true parent of your child. He formed them into your womb and has plans for them and we can partner with God and trust Him that He will bring them home!
Realize today that you are NOT in war with your defiant child you are in war with the darkness and evil of the world!
Scripture References:Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”
2 chronicles 20:15 ESV ‘Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's.
Isaiah 62
Recommended Resources:
The Parent’s Battle Plan: Warfare Strategies to Win Back Your Prodigal by Laine Lawson Craft 5 Warfare Prayers for Prodigal Children How to Win Back a Prodigal Child, Teen, or Young Adult—Your Hope Filled Perspective Episode 205 Hope for Parents of Prodigal Children –Your Hope Filled Perspective Episode 126 10 Hope Filled Responses When You Love a Prodigal 4 Ways to Pray for Our Prodigal Children How to Treat a Prodigal Child: Rediscover the Jewel Prodigal Child: Hope and Healing When Your Loved One Has Gone Astray Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Laine Lawson Craft:
Website / Facebook / X / Instagram / YouTube
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Laine Lawson Craft (www.lainelawsoncraft.com) is an award-winning author, popular media host, and in-demand speaker. The founder and publisher of WHOAwomen magazine (2010-2018), she regularly hosts online challenges and masterclasses as well as Facebook Live events that reach thousands. Her Warfare Parenting podcast encourages parents of adult children. Laine and her husband, Steve, have three children and live in Fort Walton Beach, Florida.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
It’s human to have a picture, an expectation, in our mind of how life is going to go. But what do we do when our experience doesn’t match our expectations? My guest today, Julie Sunne, shares from her painful wounds of when life and parenthood didn’t go as she expected, having gone through five miscarriages and two children born with significant disabilities. But Julie also shares about the faithfulness of God and how she has seen Him redeem her pain and bring beautiful sacred scars from it.
Quotables from the episode:
As a young wife, I experienced four miscarriages, and gave birth to four children, two of whom had disabilities: my oldest son was born with a disabled arm, our daughter was born with significant intellectual disabilities, and another son was born with learning disabilities. I expected my pregnancies and parenthood being textbook, and my view of God, since I viewed myself as a “good person,” I expected to have a “good life” so to speak. We often have this naïve expectation that if we do good, God will bless us. It’s not that he doesn’t bless us, but too often, we are expecting him to bless us in a certain way and it doesn’t always look like that. My wounds caused me to turn away from the source of all freedom. I was very angry and had a lot of bitterness which captured me and took me to a very dark place. I didn’t have peace, I didn’t have joy, and I didn’t know the freedom that Christ would give. My anger was largely toward God, although also toward my husband because we were grieving differently. We both needed to grow in our faith but were growing at different rates. I also had some guilt that I couldn’t save my baby, and that I had perhaps done something wrong. In my deepest depression, after a miscarriage, I didn’t want anything to do with God, and I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want people talking to me, and I didn’t want to hear from God. God exercises His sovereignty not based on what makes us comfortable but on what will edify and refine us. Looking back, I so clearly see how he used the most devastating things in my life to bring about such beauty and hope. I couldn’t be the parent I am now, I couldn’t be the caregiver I am now, without the trials I went through. One of the things I had to learn with my daughter was to accept the whole of who she is and not to separate her out from her disabilities. Looking to the future is a scary thing for us with our daughter, but I would be in a panic all the time if I didn’t know and had seen his faithfulness through all these years in the struggles and the valleys. God has allowed me to share my story to help others feel less alone in what they are experiencing. Since he has healed me, I’ve been able to draw strength from what I’ve gone through. I’ve been able to accept my daughter, draw strength from my daughter, and love her for who she is, and even learn from her. She has taught me so much like how to love and have compassion and empathy. Those are not that were inherent in me. The Lord used those wounds to make me a more beautiful person on the inside. I wouldn’t want to walk through what I walked through again but I can see so much beauty in what he’s done through it. He allows me to comfort others and reach out to others to make a difference and point them toward Him. Because He has created beauty on the inside, that is what spills over onto others when we get bumped and pressed. Whatever difficult situation we face, the God of the universe is in charge of it. Whether large issues or seemingly small ones, He knows what’s going on, and He has a plan. As the Sovereign, He is allowing the hardship in this season for a reason. We may not understand, but when we accept the mystery of the Divine Supreme Being, believing He has control over all and is never caught off guard, we can choose trust over worry. When something difficult happens in my life, God has to keep reminding me that it took me by surprise, but it didn’t take Him by surprise, and He already knows how He’s going to get me through it. What flipped the switch for me was taking my attention off my anger and putting it on the needs of my daughter; it gave me purpose and realizing apart from Him, I didn’t have the strength for that either. God showed me that I couldn’t fix my daughter the way I wanted to, and it made me put my eyes on Him. He created her, He knows her. When that realization came, that I had to surrender my strength to Him, surrender her, and surrender all my expectations to Him, I could begin to see that He was there all along. God is trustworthy. We can trust Him even when we can’t understand Him. He’s going to be there for you; He loves you. Just take it one minute at a time. He’ll meet you in that minute. You’ll look back and see that He was faithful and He’s not going to leave you. We all have wounds. But in the hands of a sovereign God, we can trust that He really will use it all for good.Recommended Resources:
Sometimes I Forget: 60 Reminders of Hope for Your Hard Days by Julie Sunne Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Julie Sunne:
Website / Facebook / Instagram / X / Pinterest / LinkedIn
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Julie Sunne writes about finding real hope amid life’s real struggles. Her own struggles include enduring multiple miscarriages and caregiving for her adult daughter who has significant intellectual disabilities. Julie’s writing has been featured in print devotionals for several online sites. Julie and her husband, David, are parents to three grown sons and a daughter and reside with their daughter in rural northeast Iowa.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode, I talked with former runway model, Jennifer Strickland. Jennifer shared how she suffered emotional and spiritual wounds when she allowed others’ opinions of her to determine her worth and value. Through her journey, she discovered the importance of finding the true source of her worth -- in Christ. Now, she ministers to other women who need to know this life-changing truth as well.
We all have pain and hurt, and if we aren’t careful and don’t get healing, that is what the enemy uses to hold us back, to think that we are not worthy to be used by God, that we are not worthy of love and acceptance. Sometimes, those things are things that have happened to us. Other times, they are things that we have made a conscious decision to participate in. But I’m here to tell you that your past is not wasted. And that thing that you think is so shameful, embarrassing, or disgraceful is often exactly what God wants to use to encourage others and to help you grow. I was 22 years old when I lived in Milan and was modeling on the runway. A particular man came into my life as a father figure and he saw that I could be a top model. That began a long journey in my life of believing that I was what man said about me. The lens that agents and photographers saw me became the lens through which I saw myself. If they said I was beautiful, I believed it, but if they said that I was ugly or anorexic then I believed that. This particular relationship became toxic for me spiritually. I really believe that the enemy worked through this man to plant some really poisonous lies in my heart. When I didn’t make the choices that he wanted me to make, he told me I was disposable, so I allowed man to determine my value. On the spiritual side of things, when I discovered Jesus, it drove me into a deep study of who was man? The word of God says, “do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save…but if you put your trust in God it will be like a well-watered garden.” It was the destructive lies that I heard from my interaction with this man that led me to write many of the messages I write now which helps women understand what’s going on with them when they allow a good man or a bad man to give them their identity, value, or worth. I carried the lies I believed about man determining my identity even into my marriage even after I became a Christian. So, if my husband said anything, even if he was trying to help me, I became very defensive and fearful based on what he said. I had to heal from those lies. I had to wallpaper my mind with truth. I had to forgive. It was very difficult for me to forgive a couple of particular people in the modeling industry for how they impacted my life, but when I did, I could then filter what other people were saying to me through a lens of wholeness. I had to do that healing work first before I could receive from Godly men, like my husband or father figures in a healthy way. I could receive constructive criticism or correction without believing it had anything to do with my identity. The enemy often plants lies in our childhood before we are mature enough to identify them as lies. The longer and more frequently we hear them, the more they become imbedded. It takes a lot of time and willingness to go deep and ask, “what lies have I believed?” Healing is a process and if we will take those wounds to God, he can take them, heal them, and turn them into beautiful sacred scars. The key to healing is always honesty. For me, healing began with writing my story, speaking my story, and identifying the patterns that were going on. I also believed that I was only as valuable as what I saw in the mirror or what I saw in other girls. That continued into my ministry as social media was throwing other people in my face, whereas when ministry was one on one with me and another girl, I never thought about that or played the comparison game. I had to learn to celebrate other women and continue running in my own lane and do it well. It’s a matter of dealing with the memories, assessing the lies and replacing them with the truth of what God says about us. I am his ambassador, I am his daughter, I am the apple of his eye. He never takes his eye off of me. I am loved by him every single day. His grace is sufficient for me. We have to stand on his truth and then walk in it. Confession and repentance is so important. The power of being honest about our sin is unmatched. Once we get honest about our struggle, is the first step, and then replacing it with truth of who we are. Culture today talks about “my truth” but that is just more deception from the enemy because there is only one truth and it is God’s truth based on what he has already spelled out and told us in his Word. You are already loved, accepted, and adored by the God of the universe! Scripture says that the heart is deceitful above all else, and we rely on “our truth” that is deception. What I admire about your ministry is that you are taking a very painful wound from your teen and young adult years, and using it to minister to other women, as a beautiful sacred scar because you can say, “I’ve been through this. I know the lies you’re believing. But let me share with you what I’ve learned on my journey.” God showed me my scars served a redemptive purpose by allowing me to get to the bottom of the well where things were so dark and so destructive for me. I was suicidal, I was using drugs and alcohol. I was starving myself. I hated myself. God allowed me to get to a place of total darkness. At that point, when I began reading God’s Word for the first time, and Christians invited me to church, I began to see that the lies the world tells us about beauty, worth, purpose, “my truth” means nothing. It’s such a shallow wide ocean that you drown in real quick. But his love is endlessly deep. You can dip your toe into the word of God the rest of your life and stay endlessly refreshed. It’s a lifelong walk of saying society is not going to define me, media is not going to define me, but God is going to be the one to define me and fill me up. We need to turn every day to the Lord and say, “I need you to fill me up. I need your wisdom today. I’m not going to find it in me. If something devastating has happened to you, or if you’ve made poor choices, you are not too far gone for the God of the universe to reach down into that pit and say, “Let me show you a different way and let me not only bring you out of it but redeem it for good and for my glory.” When it seems impossible, remember God is the God of the impossible so let him do the seemingly impossible in your life. The hope filled perspective is that God will shine his light into the depths of your dark sea, but you have to choose to swim after it. God sold everything he had for you, and that was his son, Jesus. Jesus is the light of the world. So, when he wants to shine that light on the beautiful person you are, but you have to be honest and let him wash you with his spirit to be able to reveal who you are really intended to be. When you’re in that very painful place, that sand of adversity, let it shape you more into his likeness.
Quotables from the episode:
Psalms 25:20 NIV “Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you.” Psalms 146:3 NIV “Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save.” Jeremiah 17:9 NIV “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
I Am a Woman: Taking Back Our Name by Jennifer Strickland Girl Perfect by Jennifer Strickland More Beautiful Than You Know by Jennifer Strickland Beautiful Lies by Jennifer Strickland 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe About Sex by Jennifer Strickland Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Jennifer Strickland:
Website URMore / Facebook / Instagram / YouTube / X
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Jennifer Strickland is a former international model, TEDx speaker, author, wife, mother of three, and the founder of a non-profit called U R More, that helps women and girls discover their value, identity, and purpose.
Jen has written several books and studies teaching women and girls their true worth, including Girl Perfect, More Beautiful Than You Know, Beautiful Lies, and 21 Myths (Even Good) Girls Believe About Sex. She holds a bachelor’s degree in broadcast journalism and a master’s degree in writing with an emphasis in biblical studies.
In her earlier days, Jen worked for 15 years as a professional model, appearing in Vogue, Glamour, and Cosmopolitan. She was featured in ads for Converse Tennis Shoes, Oil of O’lay, Mercedes Benz, Eddie Bauer, and Jordache; and at the height of her career, she walked the runways of Europe for Giorgio Armani and represented Barbie for the 35th anniversary of the doll. But Jen learned beauty is more than what meets the eye when she discovered what she looked like in God’s eyes.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
My guest today suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at the age of 29, and then subsequently developed epilepsy. I speak with Lori Vober about how God has taken her painful wounds and fashioned them into beautiful sacred scars, teaching her that every trial we face provides us with unique opportunities we might not have otherwise encountered.
With the right perspective, attitude, and perseverance, we can stay unstuck and keep moving forward even with our difficulties. Some of our greatest areas of ministry come out of our greatest areas of pain and woundedness. My journey took me through pain physically, mentally, and emotionally but God had me in the palm of his hand because he not only saved my life but he started me on my faith journey long before the stroke so I had a firm foundation to stand on and I learned more and more about how to depend on him. He gives us a choice regarding how we are going to look at our painful wounds, and I’m so grateful that allowed me to go through the fire but also to become closer to him. When we go through trials, we can either lean into God or we can run the other way. But he’s not going to chase us. He wants us to willingly come to him. When things are going well, I have a tendency to think, “I’ve got this, God. I’ll let you know when I need help!” But when I go through the trials that seem so dark, that’s when I hold onto every nugget that the Lord has given me over my life. Trials offer opportunities. Too often, we begrudge the trials and don’t dig in to look for opportunities and don’t consider things outside our box. Perseverance ends up yielding the blessing of God’s mercy and compassion. Perseverance has definitely been required. No one clued me in that 21 years down the road I would still have a disability. Grief and loss have also been part of the equation but didn’t hit me right away, but rather, has been a journey that I’ve had to go through over time. But it has helped me to recognize the importance of processing grief and loss in order to move forward. Sometimes we associate grief and loss with the death of a loved one, but grief and loss also occur when we lose our functioning or lose our dreams. God gives us so many mini-miracles, and when God doesn’t give you the dream of your heart, we have to be okay with that and thank him for all the other mini-miracles He has provided. If He had granted me the full desires of my heart, I would not have had the blessing of the journey that has led me to where I am today. We need to let God be God and still trust him. I woke up paralyzed on one side. I can walk, but I do so with a limp. I have physical pain. I’m still actively engaged in therapy. But He keeps giving me amazing opportunities. God can handle our anger…He knows about it anyway. When I finally expressed my frustration and anger to God, it was as if He was saying, “now we can deal with it and get somewhere.” Vulnerability is so important, but we can do so honestly in a positive way. I’ve learned so much through my own need for emotional support, that was never really met, how to support others. When we are vulnerable in our suffering, it gives other people permission to be honest and vulnerable about their situation too. We’re all going to go through something painful, embarrassing, shameful, but in the hands of a redemptive God, he can bring about a beautiful sacred scar. We have to give grace to ourselves as well as to our friends and family members who aren’t sure how to help because they haven’t gone through it themselves and truly don’t understand. Every challenge, every trial that we go through is part of His master plan and purpose for us, it’s just a matter of us getting out of the way of our plans and saying, “Yes, God, I understand that this doesn’t fit into my plan, but it does fit into yours.” We have to be willing to look at how our situation fits into God’s master plan. I have a tendency to make my plans and want God to fit in it, but we need to surrender to His perfect plan. God is the only thing that is going to get you through painful situations. Our true hope is in God. The One who created us and the One who is waiting for us at the end of this earthly life is the only One who truly matters.
Quotables from the episode:
James 5:11 “As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about. The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.”
Scripture References:Recommended Resources:
Choices: When You Are Faced With a Challenge, What Choice Will You Make? By Lori Vober Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Lori Vober:
Website / Facebook / LinkedIn / X
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Lori Vober suffered a hemorrhagic stroke at age twenty-nine, and then developed epilepsy from the stroke. She is a survivor, overcomer, connector, and passionate about sharing hope with others. With the right perspective, attitude, and perseverance, we can stay unstuck and keep moving forward. Even with her difficulties, Lori and her husband, Dainis, were able to become adoptive parents to a sibling group of three. Lori’s journey and books can be found at www.lorivober.com.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
As part of our Sacred Scar Story Series, my guest, Julie McLaughlin, opens up about her deeply personal journey through teenage pregnancy and the heart-wrenching decision to give her baby up for adoption. For over 40 years, Julie and her husband kept this secret hidden, carrying the heavy burden of shame that often follows birth moms in similar situations. Julie shares how God transformed her painful wounds into sacred scars, bringing healing and redemption when her son found them decades later. Tune in to hear Julie's powerful story of overcoming the stigma of unplanned pregnancy and discovering the freedom that comes from sharing her story.
Quotables from the episode:
Areas that God puts us in to minister to others often comes out of our areas of our painful wounds. I was shamed, embarrassed, and shocked when I became pregnant by my then-boyfriend (now-husband). I wasn’t ready to be a mom, and I wasn’t ready to get married, and with a lot of help by my parish-priest and others, I made the difficult decision to put my baby up for adoption. The stigma of that unplanned pregnancy has been with me my entire life. I kept that secret from everyone for over 40 years. I experienced so much shame attached to my actions. Shame makes you feel like you have fallen off the pedestal of life. I disappointed my parents (I was the oldest of five, and my younger brothers didn’t even know about it), and I disappointed myself. There was so much shame. I didn’t feel like I was the good Catholic girl I thought I was supposed to be. I married my baby’s father, and we kept the secret for forty years from most of the people in our lives, including our two daughters we had. We didn’t tell that I had had a son and had put him up for adoption. At the time that happened, only a few people knew. I fabricated a story and that’s what people believed. Although I lived a very full and fulfilling life, there were many things I shied away from (like running for public office) because I didn’t want my story to be found out. Even when other people talked about teenage pregnancy or adoption, I never talked about it. Our painful wounds often tempt us to keep our secrets hidden. Shame prompts fear (fear that we are going to be found out, fear of ridicule, fear that we are going to be rejected or abandoned, fear that people will share our story and it won’t be within our control…). Out of fear, we often then isolate because we don’t want anyone to find out. I probably experienced undiagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I suffered with medical problems through the years, I tried counseling but found out that the counselor’s husband worked with my husband so I feared my story wouldn’t be kept confidential, so I quit going. When you keep your secrets quiet, I believe it will come out manifesting in different ways emotionally, physically, etc. About six years ago, after I placed my son in an entirely private adoption, through Facebook and an ancestry service, my son found us (we had not been looking for him). He found us and told us that he had had a great life, and that he appreciated the decision we had made, and ironically, he and his wife adopted a child (from the same agency I had used) when they were initially unable to have a baby, but then went on to have two more biological children. When my son validated the painful decision we made decades before, not only healed the wound, but filled a hole in my heart all those years. Because the story was out after my son found us, we started sharing our story, and we were received in such a loving way that was nothing like I had feared all those years ago. What we received instead was love and joy and peace. So I was able to write a book about our story, shared my story with countless people and I’ve had the incredible opportunity to meet other birth moms with the same story, adoptive parents, adoptive kids, which has helped to heal me and my husband, and now there’s no longer a secret we can talk about it openly. So often, when we are vulnerable enough to share our story with others, the outcome is rarely as bad as the enemy convinces us it will be. God wants to redeem and restore us, but He is waiting for us to come out of the darkness to share our pain with Him in the light of His love. The most important redemption came through our daughters, who for over 30 years had no knowledge of having an older brother, loved us and accepted us and told us they were proud of us when we told them the news. They lovingly and unselfishly opened their hearts to him and his family. God’s hand has been in this since our son was conceived. A friend told me that we had given a gift to another family years ago, and God has given it back to us to see his redemptive work and to see the joy. I’m not ashamed anymore! Healing came with validation. We all need some sort of validation. You may be in a situation where no one is validating you. But Jesus has already validated you. He died to pay the price, so He has already validated you. Guilt, shame and regret do not come from your heavenly father. Scripture says there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So accept his validation of you. There is enough love to go around if we will open our hearts. Keeping a secret all those years was VERY very hard. Being able to talk about it openly has been freeing physically, emotionally, and mentally. Find someone to trust with whom you can talk it out. There are resources out there for women with an unplanned pregnancy. For me, that adoption decision was nothing short of a true blessing. I had given it over to God, but it does feel good to openly and honestly talk about it from a real human perspective. We all have a story, and someone out there needs to hear our story. After sharing our story with our daughters, one of them said, “Mom, you actually seem like a new you!” That shocked me. I think she was picking up on freedom.Scripture References:
Romans 3:10 NIV “There is no one righteous, not even one.” Romans 8:1 NIV “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”Recommended Resources:
The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir by Julie McLaughlin Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Julie McLaughlin:
Facebook
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Julie McLaughlin is a retired paralegal and legal secretary. She won numerous awards during her career in the legal field, and she is very active in her church. “The Gift of Time: A Birth Mother’s Memoir” is Julie’s first book about her adoption journey. She and her husband, Mike, have been married for 43 years.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson -
Episode Summary:
In this episode, I chatted with Shonda Whitworth, who shared about her wounds, her pain, and now her sacred scars after walking through a most devastating experience when her son was incarcerated. What the enemy tried to use to quiet and shut Shonda down, God has now used to bring her into a greater aspect of her calling.
When they said “Your son has been arrested for aggravated assault,” I went numb and didn’t know how to respond because the person they were describing on my phone was not the son I knew. I grabbed hold of Romans 8:28. At the time, that verse just felt overused to me, like a Bible verse Band-Aid. But I held my Bible and declared that this was God’s Word, and asked Him to make it real for me. This was one of the last things I ever expected to happen. I raised him in the way he should go, taught him the word, took him to Sunday School, and taught him about God. I didn’t expect him to depart from his upbringing and it just devastated me. I was hopeful things would turn around, but that’s not what happened. I was looking for a miracle ending. We take either the fight or flight response, and I took the flight response. I just wanted to hide in my cave. I didn’t want to be seen in social situations and wanted to hide from conversation about our children. The depression and anxiety were overwhelming. It knocked me down. I went dark for a while and retreated for a season. The enemy brings shame, guilt, regret, and fear. I felt like I was wearing a big “F” for mother of a felon. The depression and anxiety came from listening to all the lies about myself. I was operating with a double-mind. In prison, my son began experiencing freedom that doesn’t depend on a location. Scripture says, “where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” He began operating in freedom as he started growing in his relationship with the Lord. I thought, “Isn’t this ironic? Here I am living in the free world, but all these bars of fear, guilt, shame, condemnation were keeping me captive in my own home. But my son who is in prison is experiencing freedom!” The amazing thing is that when I did share about what I was experiencing, I got nothing but compassion, the opposite of what the enemy convinced me I would experience. It gets better as healing comes in layers. One thing that was so helpful in my journey was having a reason to get up every day. The more I share my story, the more I put myself out there, the more healing comes; the more I have courage, and the more my confidence builds. When we experience shame, we want to stay in the dark where no one can see us because with shame comes embarrassment. We fear “if others find out, what will they say? Will they reject me? Will they abandon me? Will they gossip about me?” But when we take what’s in the dark and bring it out into God’s healing light, rarely is it as bad as we think it’s going to be and it brings healing. My husband and I started a ministry to other families with family members incarcerated. By me opening up and sharing our story, it’s helping other people find hope, to find healing, and to encourage them not to give up on this side of eternity. Every life is valuable, and we can see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Even those who are in prison, their life is invaluable. Everyone has a purpose whether it’s inside prison walls or outside prison walls. The more I tell my story, the more it silences that accusing voice that comes against us from the enemy. When we open our mouths and testify what Jesus has done for us, the more it silences the enemy who accuses us. Jesus came to set the captives free and that includes you. Never give up. Always pray and never give up! Speaking out the Word of God gives us courage and hope and reminds us that everyone has a purpose and not to quit on your purpose. John 15:16 reminds us that Jesus has chosen us. You are chosen. You are not forsaken. You have a purpose. Don’t quit! We are all imperfect and in need of a Savior. The cross levels the playing field.
Quotables from the episode:Scripture References:
Romans 8:28 NKJV “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” 2 Corinthians 3:17 “Where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Luke 18:1 “One day Jesus told his disciples a story to show that they should always pray and never give up.” NLT Psalm 27:13 NIV “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.” Revelations 12:11 NIV “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony.” John 15:16 NIV “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”Recommended Resources:
A free downloadable PDF of 8 Prayers to Pray for Your Incarcerated Loved One is available at FortressofHopeMinistries.com Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families by Shonda Whitworth Sacred Scars: Resting in God’s Promise That Your Past Is Not Wasted by Dr. Michelle Bengtson The Hem of His Garment: Reaching Out to God When Pain Overwhelms by Dr. Michelle Bengtson YouVersion 5-Day Devotional Reaching Out To God When Pain Overwhelms Today is Going to be a Good Day: 90 Promises to Start Your Day Off Right by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the AWSA 2023 Inspirational Gift Book of the Year Award, the Christian Literary Awards Reader’s Choice Award in four categories, and the Christian Literary Awards Henri Award for Devotionals YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be a Good Day YouVersion 7-Day Devotional, Today is Going to be Another Good Day Breaking Anxiety’s Grip: How to Reclaim the Peace God Promises by Dr. Michelle Bengtson Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Free Study Guide Free 7-Day YouVersion Bible Reading Plan for Breaking Anxiety’s Grip Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey Through Depression by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Hope Prevails Bible Study by Dr. Michelle Bengtson, winner of the Christian Literary Award Reader’s Choice Award Trusting God Through Cancer 1 Trusting God Through Cancer 2 Revive & Thrive Women's Conference Subdue Stress and Anxiety: Fifteen Experts Offer Comprehensive Tools in Ten Minutes a Day. Use my link plus discount code BENG99 to save $90 on course (course will be $99.) Free Download: How To Fight Fearful/Anxious Thoughts and WinSocial Media Links for Guest and Host:
Connect with Shonda Whitworth:
Shonda Website / Fortress Website / Shonda Facebook / Fortress Facebook / Shonda Twitter / Fortress Twitter / Shonda LinkedIn / Fortress LinkedIn
For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:
Order Book Breaking Anxiety’s Grip / Order Book Hope Prevails / Website / Blog / Facebook / Twitter (@DrMBengtson) / LinkedIn / Instagram / Pinterest / YouTube
Guest:
Shonda Whitworth’s expertise as an author span two decades, from articles to her most heart-wrenching book, Appeal to the Courtroom of Heaven: Petitions for Prisoners and Prison Families. She is a writing and self-publishing coach who nurtures authors visions from manuscript to the marketplace. Discover more at ShondaWhitworth.me.
Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson
Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson - Visa fler
