Avsnitt
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Episode 23: Living Authentically, Confidently and Intentionally – a Conversation About How We Show Up in Our Lives, with Teresa Wiedrick
A few months ago, Teresa Wiedrick shared her experience of her coaching work with homeschool moms and supporting women to get “out of their own way” and it struck a chord. We were so happy to have her chat with us more specifically about living authentically, confidently and intentionally and many of the common themes we might encounter. Teresa’s website, Capturing the Charmed Life, is home to her many offerings such as blogging and coaching as well as her podcast, Homeschool Mama Self-Care. She is also the author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Join us around the table as we chat about this important journey!
We Discuss:
The idea of “getting out of our own way” to do the things we’d like to or feel inspired to do
Thoughts around our lives in the areas of authenticity, confidence and intention
How this existential work can be helpful to do at various ages and life seasons for a range of people
Resources:
Capturing the Charmed Life
Homeschool Mama Self-care Podcast, Episode with Teresa and Erin
Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer, Teresa’s book
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 21: Emotional Labour
Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity?
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Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram.
We Discuss:
What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time?
Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion
The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive
How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect
The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world
That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role
But also …
The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world
Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is
The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us
The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves - our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure
The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school
That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years
The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path - there is no external entity to ‘blame’
Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes
The importance of our role - needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations
Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that - creating space for ourselves
That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves
Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years
Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids
Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life
Our ego - checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might
Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents
Resources:
My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” - Ever Learning
Unschooling Together Community -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it.
We Discuss:
Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others
Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once
How we need to be compassionate with ourselves
Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour
That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired
Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy
That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour
The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it
Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged
Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief
Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education
Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others
The social cohesion that results from emotional labour
The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head
The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power
The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities
Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort
Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted
That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things
Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression
Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well
Recognizing when we are filtering or editing the expressions of our emotions for other people – putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost
People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well
The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy
The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected
People pleasing as currency
The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it
Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead
Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected
Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care
Resources:
Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman
Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt
Fed Up – Gemma Hartley
The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth
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If you’ve been in the homeschooling world for long, you’ll likely have come across the word ‘deschooling’ and may understand it in the context of children having time and space to get in touch with their natural curiosity and learning. Soon enough, it becomes clear that more of the work in this area is actually for parents. We continue deschooling but this almost always plays out imperfectly. Missteps are inevitable. Join us as we discuss how our bigger picture intentions seem to still shine, and we share ideas about how we can have compassion for ourselves in the midst. We so appreciated being joined by Esther Jones of The Unschool Space podcast and A Place on a Hill blog, which can be found along with her workshops and offerings to parents at www.esther-jones.com.
We Discuss:
How deschooling is not a linear process
That moments of resistance can be the learning moments
Getting curious rather than being too hard on ourselves
How deschooling perfectly is actually an oxymoron of sorts
Noticing some of the places we get caught up by the physical sensations we experience
Seeing external expectations as almost a third person in the relationship with our children
Outer opinions and pressures pulling us back in our process
Getting comfortable with imperfection, for our kids and for us
Finding our own strategies when we’re feeling shaky about things
That having expanded our own ideas about a range of possibilities as home educating families, people might feel reassured talking to us about their own kids’ paths and choices
Being easy on ourselves about how early messaging we received runs deep and can be very disconnecting from our physical processes and inner knowing
That as parents, we might have some bits of resentment that we didn’t have the same degree of choice and acceptance in our choices that our children have
All the messages that we carry into adulthood and how we can be thoughtful about how we model that for our kids
Self-compassion as being key both for ourselves and in our modelling for our kids
Our kids as a barometer to our intentions, helping us be aware of potential manipulation
Personality differences between kids and how they mirror or don’t mirror our intentions back to us
Feeling pressure to “fully deschool” and then making changes more quickly than is ideal
Wrestling between one’s intuition and external information/deschooling
Considering how we best live as a starting point rather than getting too attached to a particular label
That we can keep checking our responses and reactions
Taking note of resistance
Understanding that everyday is a new piece of work to navigate relationship and communication; there will be disconnecting moments and opportunity for repair
The potential for us to feel frustrated toward home ed books and blogs when things aren’t turning out the way “they said it would”
That our certainty can pull us away from the vastness of possibility
How we can trust that our children have wonderful ideas, skills and knowledge to bring to a situation and actually take the pressure off ourselves a bit
That when we bump into an edge, we can stay with it as long as we need to. It’s okay to take the time to work through
The idea of saying “yes” more is not quite so straightforward and that our kids can often read when a “yes” is not an authentic one and can actually better under consent when they see some authentic “nos” modelled as well
Unravelling gently
That we can take some time to make a decision and can communicate that with our kids
That imperfections and working things through flexibly actually help our kids to be well-equipped and self-aware
Resources:
Esther Jones blog, podcast and offerings
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #14: Kids and Screens, Pondering Digital Tech From a Few Angles – Part One
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Episode 19: Home Ed Labels and Jargon: Sorting Them Through
If we’ve been in the world of home education for some time, we are likely accustomed to a variety of terms that might not be familiar to others, but even then, we often interpret things differently. Join as we explore a variety of terms such as deschooling, unschooling, strewing, gameschooling, project-based learning and more and dig into what they mean to each of us.
We Discuss:
What does ‘unschooling’ mean?
The beauty of different terms but acknowledging their incompleteness
Unschooling as a way of life that reflects the way we interact and learn rather than a method
Acknowledging the usefulness of the term “unschooling” to help us connect with others and the information
Using a term that links to our particular situation
Who is leading? Child-led learning doesn’t mean child-run family
The need to acknowledge the power we inherently have as parents and how we discharge that power
The link between respect and responsibility
That independence doesn’t need to be forced
Potential meanings behind different terminology
Leadership and power can be good things when people aren’t grappling from a point of scarcity
‘Big Juicy Conversations’ – Conversation as a Tool
Project-Based Learning
Gameschooling – varying perspectives and various possibilities
Stealth or sneaky learning
Strewing
To what degree we are true to a particular label
Labels as having both the potential to unite or divide, include or exclude
How holding tight to labels or trying to fit into a label can end up diluting the framework in some ways
The variety of ways we can look at the same word
Resources:
Understanding Unschooling, Ever Learning
What is Unschooling? Part 3, Myths and Misconceptions, Taking a Kinder Path
Unschooling – What’s in a Name? Ever Learning
Unschooling is not “Child-Led Learning,” Pam Sorooshian
Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D.
Unschooling: A Voyage of Discovery, Taking a Kinder Path
The Unschool Space – Putting Relationship First
Exploring Unschooling, Unschooling as a Lifestyle, Episode 251
Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners,Lori Pickert
My Little Poppies – Cait Curley
Homeschooling Terms that Crept Up on Me … Confessions of an Early 2000s Homeschooling Mom, Ever Learning
Unschooling Together Community
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Episode 18: What is Unschooling and How Does it Work?
We Discuss:
The origin of the term “unschooling” as we understand it
Different paths to unschooling - our own experiences
The assumption of school as the default
Respectful/Attachment parenting as a pipeline to unschooling
Whether we use the term unschooling to describe what we’re doing
Whether home education culture has moved more toward labels
Respecting children as whole people and the difficulties that can come up in school settings
Radical Unschooling - duh, duh, duh
Freedom for children and arbitrary requirements
The nice thing about being on the other end of parenting and observing how things play out
That challenges and failings of systems don’t necessarily reflect the teachers and assistants who work there
How learning happens naturally all the time and we couldn’t stop it if we tried (looking at the world’s inventions and discoveries show us this)
Failing as an important part of learning and how one person’s discovery is often built upon another person’s previous one
Living, learning and exploring naturally have been common to all cultures and times - it just happened to be coined by John Holt to explain the way we understand it after years of standardized schooled assumptions
Whether learning needs to be painful and the ways our views have changed about that over time
The fear that children won’t learn and how learning actually happens as a by-product of life rather than learning being for learning’s sake
That learning isn’t always about utility but we never know where a thread is going to lead
How coercion creates resistance and the differences between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation
The goal doesn’t need to be to learn ‘it all.’ We don’t need to stuff learning in.
That gaps in learning are not only by normal, but opportunities for growth. We don’t want a standardized world - variances are needed.
The often random and changing standards of school
How this way of living really keeps us in our toes and imagining things from our kids’ perspectives
The ways autonomy leads to deep learning
An experience with a young adult identifying their own gaps and what their reaction has been. What is our responsibility as a parent?
Resources:
John Holt
Dr. Peter Gray
Taking a Kinder Path (for ourselves, our children and the world)
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Episode 17: Being Intentional about the Holidays - Ideas for Thoughtful Families
We’re talking about holidays and gatherings in this episode, digging into what helps families make the most of their time together! As we head into a season that can be quite full for many, we share ideas about intention, choice, communication and building in rest and open time.
We were so happy to have Pam Laricchia and Anna Brown from Living Joyfully join us to share their insight and experience. Pam and Anna have a course, Navigating Family Gatherings that, while relevant to gatherings at any time of year, might be particularly timely to many right now. You can also hear more from Pam and Anna on the Exploring Unschooling podcast, the Living Joyfully podcast, and in the Living Joyfully Network.
We Discuss:
The power of being intentional
Understanding that we have a choice, even if something feels really obligatory. We can make decisions that feel more comfortable to us … “choices within choices”
Being a host who helps people feel comfortable, welcomed and accommodated
Food! Most get-togethers and parties involve food so thinking through how our kids respond to different types of food, intervals between food, blood sugars, energy levels, etc
Including our kids in planning conversations in whichever ways feel like a fit
Absorbing any comments or difficult moments that might be directed toward our children as we’ve done some preparatory work to be well-resourced
The many possibilities of what we can bring with us (books, games, toys) as options for our families and others
Remembering that people want things to go well and want people to enjoy themselves - coming in with positive energy
Navigating the common “homeschooling question” and ideas for doing that taking context into consideration.
How to help facilitate conversations about our kids’ interests and what they’re up to if they want to share with people
Practical ways of sharing what our homeschooling kids are up to
Possibilities for helping engage other people - kids and adults - showing interest in them and finding out more about them as well!
Building in open time and rest before, during and after the holidays and how beautiful that downtime can be … weaving the decompression throughout
Communicating with our kids about how they are feeling, what they’re anticipating, how they might feel after a holiday or event
Choice again! Playing with ideas around options when the choice isn’t feeling clear. Sometimes it might be helpful to imagine what we’d do “if” we have a choice and we may be surprised what comes up
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What is the role of lists in our lives? How do we each make lists, or not? Is list-making essential to organization or are there other ways to plan and keep intentional about things? How are our personalities and learning styles and those of our children reflected in the way we each make sense of information and understanding ideas in our lives? Is there a societal bias toward certain styles of organization and even organization itself? And could list-making be deeper and more creative than imagined? Please join us as we dive into a topic that seems practical at first glance but took us into some interesting discussion.We Discuss:
Kinds of lists – Joy, Adventure, Project
What is the relationship between the way we organize information and what helps us individually? What overwhelms us?
How do we organize information if we don’t use lists?
Prioritizing responsibilities to other people over our own things
Hands-on lists and mental lists versus written lists
“Stacking lists”
The role of personality in the way we plan and keep track of things. What is our tolerance for change or a need to pivot?
The link between list-making and how we individually process things – internal versus external and somewhere in between
Verbal processing versus written lists
The way that lists can help in an unschooling life to see new ideas as invitations
That lists aren’t necessarily “to do” lists, but can also be a sort of menu
Our children seeing their input as respected when it’s written down
Family culture – the very different ways that each family and family member processes things
The danger of lists? Too much planning, not enough action?
Planning in unschooling? Sometimes there’s actually more organizational skill involved!
Self-directed learning as a process that makes use many planning tools
How a loosely held list can be a sort of “living document”
“Planning for personalities” in our families
Societal biases toward certain styles of planning
Planning and lists for self-care
List-making as a recipe for disappointment depending on how we see it. How do we remain forward-thinking and plan for our kids and also let go of the outcome?
Could a list be seen as brainstorming?
Lists as ways to be helpful and pass on information to other people
“Not to do” lists as an idea!
Resources
Joy Lists: A Home Education Essential – Taking a Kinder Path
The Four Tendencies Gretchen Rubin
How Do Unschoolers Plan and Record Learning? Happiness is Here
Self-Soothing checklists – Taking a Kinder Path
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Homeschool communities and groups – Do we need to join one? Should we start one? How do we consider changes to both communities and our family over time? We were so grateful to have Kendel from @spark.to.flame.homelearning on Instagram to share her insight and experience with facilitating a local home ed group with us as we discussed each of our own thoughts and experiences. We invite you to join in for a listen!
We Discuss:
Homeschool community as a help to confidently beginning the home ed journey, although not a necessity
New families who began to homeschool during the pandemic – accepted or not into pre-pandemic groups?
Navigating the choices (co-ops, forest schools, field trips, lessons, get-togethers with families)
Being welcomed as pivotal to our overall feeling about home education
Moving away from the “right” answer for a homeschool group because families, communities and needs evolve
Children developing friendships based on what we’d like in our lives in a similar way that adults do
The unique bonding that can develop over time between homeschool peers, possibly because of such a degree of open time together
Children being valued by other kids because they are seen as being so valued by their parents.
Joining a community as a way of giving shape to the week
Differences between the dynamics of the groups
The challenges among families and organizers of operating by consensus (even though it is still ultimately positive!)
Whether we cling to homeschool connections!
How open or not to keep our communities? The potential for exclusion and at the same time, for pushing children to include beyond what they are comfortable with
Forest schools, parent-led and facilitator-led
Shared ideas of what to do when children have different needs or preferences of going to a group event
Really letting children have their feelings about whether or not they want to be there and finding ways to make a special or comfortable aspect for them
Having first hand experiences at a young age of navigating and working things out creatively
Discussing ahead of time, being honest about how everyone is feeling
How kids having their emotions validated helps them learn so much about themselves
No set outcomes and relinquishing control
Not “punishing” kids for having a good time in the sense of saying “I told you so”
Being clear with ourselves about what we are looking to get out of homeschool community
Moving away from the expectation of a homeschool community utopia
The hope for more homeschool families over time
And more … !
Resources:
Spark To Flame Homelearning
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #3: Choice in Education, Living and Learning in Community
Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #13: Socialization and Homeschooling, Exploring it from Different Angles
Kiki and the Wildlings Instagram
Home Educating Wildlings
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Conversation continued from Part One … here
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss:
Can gaming in fact strengthen cognitive processes?
How being in a place of joy or flow can really accelerate learning and integrate learning
Using gaming as a way to check out or cope with something deeper – when it can it be helpful
That it’s easier for kids to be open if they are experiencing something uncomfortable or overloading related to technology if they feel they will still have choices
Big emotions – could games be an opportunity to practice those and feel those out in a safe space? But maybe dysregulating at times for other kids?
The feedback loop that naturally happens when kids get to practice their “big feelings” and find out what is tolerated by other kids or peers and what important learning that is
Young children and screens – what do we think?
How children’s TV can actually be a springboard to all sorts of other activity, learning and creativity
Bringing in technology as a tool in uncomfortable and sensory overloading situations, noting societal judgement about that
Neurodivergence and screens – tapping into various ways of looking at things
That we can bring in more joy and connection and leaning toward what our kids are into rather than going straight to taking away
The polarity that is sometimes drawn between outdoor time and technology
The importance and beauty of human connection and sensory input for young children and how they are likely to naturally seek those out, hopefully with parents present and undistracted
Social media, peers and teens – the relevance of relationships to family established in earlier years to draw back to
The feeling of wanting to reel things back in through control as parents and what we might do instead
Being on the “same side” as our kids and figuring out the challenges of social media
Time. 🙂 We can slow down and think it through
Resources:
Let ‘em Go Barefoot podcast, blog and community – Missy Willis
Psychology Today, Peter Gray article
Stories of an Unschooling Family article by Sue Elvis
A Hunter-Gatherer’s Guide to the 21st Century; Evolution and the Challenges of Human Life, Heather Heying and Bret Weinstein
Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers – Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
Dr. Gabor Mate article, excerpt from A Postscript from the Digital Age, The Digital Revolution Bent out of Shape
* Photo by Missy Willis
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Our conversation … (listen to Part Two here)
Screen time is a big topic. The world has become increasingly digital and parents are trying to make caring and thoughtful decisions amidst many sources of advice, often contrary to one another. This is the first part of our conversation, thinking through and pondering our own experiences and we would love you to join us! We were thrilled to be joined at the “table” by Missy Willis of the podcast and blog Let ‘em Go Barefoot. Missy is a long-time unschooling parent, a former special education teacher and now the co-author of Life Unschooled, A Guide to Living and Learning Without School. She has a wealth of experience and wisdom that she humbly and helpfully shares. Enjoy!
We Discuss:
How this conversation is a learning opportunity for all of us
The “shift” that has happened in a relatively short time in relation to concerns about screens/digital tech and the growing sources of information and opinion, often contrary to one another.
How “unlimited screens” are often associated with radical unschooling, but not that many years ago, families of various kinds seem to have been less rule-oriented in relation to technology
That it’s okay to be wondering and thinking through how things are working for our families
How using something as a treat, reward or seeing it as a “forbidden fruit” can create a sort of a drive toward it
Joining our children – taking the opportunity to try out being in their world and seeing more of what they’re into
We can let our child know we need a bit of time to understand better before making a decision, reflect a bit more, be honest that we don’t always have the answers – in this way we show humility
How having some really open time and space to do something is the only real way for kids to learn more about themselves and the limits and conditions that work for them
The potential loss of connection with older generations when kids dive more deeply into technology
An abundance mindset rather than a scarcity one, allowing children to really be generous and flexible in sharing common devices or making some compromises to their time.
How communicating and problem-solving together rather than having a standard rule not only takes more effort and leads to developing greater skill for the parent, but for the child too.
Grace. Remembering that we are all trying our best, working together and navigating things as we can
Resources:
Letemgobarefoot Instagram
Game On! : Missy Willis, Let ‘ Em Go Barefoot
What Worries Me About Fortnite (and 9 Reasons Not to Limit Children’s ‘Screentime.’ : Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
* Photo by Missy Willis
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Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here)
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂
We Discuss:
The ability for kids to be comfortably playful until an older age when in mixed age groups
Expansive time for unstructured play
Intergenerational socializing
Deeper, evolving levels of flow with long periods of free play (often with a bit of support partway through)
Kids having opportunity to come in and out of play, jump in quickly or ease in slowly
The frustration for kids of having their flow or gameplay interrupted in a school structure
How young children might have a sense of civility and social skill that’s actually lacking in the school system (eg. a young boy questioning why the teachers don’t simply ask the children to come in from recess rather than summon with a loud bell)
The teen years/adolescence as somewhat of a social construct
The importance for teens of feeling they are contributing and doing meaningful things
The increasing “red tape” and bureaucracy involved in many opportunities for mentorships or apprenticeships
Valuing a teen’s own pace of choosing not to rush into independence
Defining maturity – depends what we mean by that word
The different directions home educating teens are moving in from a time perspective that can make it difficult to find ways to connect with one another
The idea of home educating with an eye to putting kids in school at some point – can you fully deschool and embrace this life?
Whether nostalgia plays a role in parents feeling more comfortable with their children in traditional social settings – prom, teams, formal graduation
Integrating into school after homeschooling
How we don’t always know what an individual teenager’s social needs are – they don’t always fit the stereotypes
The milestones and assumptions that people project onto teens that are actually more reflective of unresolved things from their own adolescence than of what’s necessary for a particular teen
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Why You Truly Never Leave High School, New York Mag
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Our conversation … (listen to Part Two here)
Socialization and homeschooling is unarguably a common topic. It might be considered the proverbial thorn in a homeschool parent’s side. But what do we mean by socialization anyway? Maybe there are a few ways to examine it. We were so grateful to have Kiki from @kikiandthewildlings and www.educatingwildlings.co.uk join us and offer her perspective and experience. Please join us as we talk about this common, yet multi-faceted, topic. We had a few technical difficulties this time, but if you bear with us, we think the content is worth it. 🙂
We Discuss:
What the word socialization means and the different ways we think about it
That this is a conversation that unites people from many styles of home education – how are kids socialized outside of school
How socialization isn’t something to really be formally taught as much as it to be learned naturally through modelling and life experience
How some kids are naturally quick at “reading the room” and others take longer or see things differently depending, and this is the case with many people regardless of where they go to school
Whether we can really consider school “the real world”
The qualities we respect in adults – often they are creativity, resourcefulness, problem-solving – and how those are often best developed outside the box of prescribed systems
That school is great for socialization into school itself and similar settings, but not always so useful in others
Social discernment and how that’s impacted by the messaging that everyone in the class is your friend
Conversing with kids about what a friend means to them and being curious about different ways of being friends and holding relationships of different kinds
Whether it’s necessary for homeschool families to have a community – variations in social needs for kids and not just socializing for the sake of it
The emotional intensity that can sometimes be part of home ed socializing (if you know, you know!) and figuring out what works for our families
The nuances of homeschool social time – the skill development and perseverance that it takes as parents to sort through, build connections, etc
That it can be hard! Sometimes parents gel but kids don’t or vice versa
The common ways that adults form friendships
The difficulty with extreme peer-orientation
The idea of bullying being normalized
Older adults and connections with a range of ages as rich opportunities for kids and having the time to nurture those
Resources:
Educating Wildlings Podcast and Blog
Let ‘Em Go Barefoot
Inner Parent Coaching
Socialisation – A Nuanced Topic, Erin, Ever Learning
Home Education Worries: Will They Learn How to Queue? Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
The Worst Parenting Advice Ever: You Can’t Be Friends With Your Kids, Hayley, Taking a Kinder Path
Why My Kids Will Never Be Socialized, Jennifer McGrail, The Path Less Taken
Unschooling Together Community
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What is self-care anyway? In this episode we discuss the different things it means to different people, how we consider it during busy parenting seasons and, woven into the conversation, what does our children’s self-care look like? How do we support it? We were thrilled to have Alice Griffin of Wandering Alice join us again, as she has supported many people in their self-care journeys and brings a beautiful, peaceful perspective. Alice’s writing, courses and offerings can be found at http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/. She is on Facebook, YouTube and Instagram. Why not join us for a gentle, refreshing hour + of conversation about the joy of taking care of ourselves, even in the midst of busy family life?
We Discuss:
What self-care looks and feels like
The rising popularity of the term self-care in home education. What does it mean? How do we feel about it?
Filling our cup so that we can fill the cups of others
Changing family rhythms over time … eg. reframing nap times as quiet times and maintaining the idea of available rest time for anyone, adults included
‘Sites of mutual fulfillment’ – finding those places where both parent and child can enjoy themselves and relax
The ideas of things like read-alouds and cloud-gazing as a reset and communicating openly with our children that we all might need to rest and regroup sometimes – collective self-care
How sometimes it’s actually connection with our family that we need rather than alone time or a break
That connection doesn’t have to be presence – it can be an offer of presence
Finding a special piece for ourselves to enjoy in something that we aren’t looking forward to or that wasn’t our choice to do
The role of gratitude and appreciation
Reframing household and practical tasks from a perspective of gratitude, such as imagining the person whose piece of clothing we are folding and how much we love them
Moving away from the idea of efficiency at all times – allowing ourselves to enjoy things even if they slow us down or aren’t entirely necessary (lingering during a decluttering task to enjoy nostalgic things we come across)
Deschooling as an act of self-care
Loving our children as we would have liked to have been loved – the healing power of parenting
Our children and their own self-care
Recognizing inherent triggers and challenges – the more we are a safe place for our children, the more they will bring to us and we can love and feel grateful for that
How children are often really good at meeting their owns needs
Being intentional and mindful of who and what we surround ourselves with
People needing permission and invitation to step back and come back into themselves (permission to care for themselves)
How physical illness, crisis and external events are often the only way for people to have a socially acceptable rest
That kids taking time and space for themselves to pay attention to their needs can actually lead to compassion rather than lack of consideration for others
Resources Mentioned or Recommended:
http://www.alicegriffin.co.uk/
https://alice-griffin-s-school.teachable.com/
https://youtube.com/@wanderingalice
https://lulastic.co.uk/parenting/sites-mutual-fulfillment/
https://takingakinderpath.com/benefits-of-a-good-cry/
https://takingakinderpath.com/self-soothing-checklists-secret-to-raising-mood-and-energy-levels-fast/
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How much novelty do children need? How much do we need and how do we work it out within a family rhythm? Although we realize each person is individual, it’s something we’ve noticed involves observing and listening, planning and yet holding those plans loosely. We are considering time out versus time at home, outdoor time versus indoor, social opportunities versus being alone. How much money to spend in order for our children to have a rich life? How many new ideas? How much to strew in comparison to what the natural flow of life presents? And maybe most importantly, what helps us to slow down to support the novelty our kids naturally find themselves? Please join us as we ponder!
We Discuss:
Observing our children, from even an infant stage, and understanding cues over time for seeking or avoiding stimulation
How being a new parent at home with a baby brings with it a different level of freedom, but also responsibility
How going decades with having time structured for us can diminish the natural sense of our own needs and preferences
Yet also ..
The possibility of finding it easier to be creative within parameters
That we can’t stockpile novel experiences. It’s about the flow rather than the quantity
How trust and safety are important for learning as well novelty. We need brain space to digest and process – a balance between comfort and peace and novelty and newness
That novelty doesn’t have to be massive and we don’t have to change everything – it can be a new food or new supermarket or driving home a different way
The tendency to overcompensate as home educating parents in order to provide “enough”’
How we, as parents, aren’t actually responsible for absolutely everything
Three kinds of novelty: what things we bring/strew, what things kids initiate themselves, what opportunities life offers
Micro experiences within regular rhythms that actually bring in novelty within the routine
Parental narration as a way of naturally showing the potential wonder in life – being a model of curiosity and gratitude
The outdoors as a form of free, accessible novelty
Small sensory changes as novel – a change of pace coming from in or out doors
How kids are very good at finding their own novelty
Adding abundance to our calendar by plugging the natural or requested things in on the front end
That when we really tune in and remain present, we see that things and people are very interesting, whereas when our life is rushed, we need to seek out novelty in less natural ways
Doing familiar things (board games, jigsaw puzzles) in new environments and vice versa with new or returning things in familiar spaces
Trusting that people know what their own systems need and that we can support them to figure that out if it’s not quite connecting somehow
Boredom – different perspectives and assumptions. Interesting …!
How life is rich – novelty is inevitable if we’re tuned in!
Resources:
Clubhouse Strewing Conversation
Unschooling Together Community
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Home educating while travelling can play out in a variety of ways and is different for each family. It often brings to mind the idea of high excitement and far-flung locations. While that sometimes might be true, there are other styles of adventure as well.
It was an absolute joy to have Alice Griffin joy us for a conversation about what family travel looks like in her family and how it weaves together beautifully with home education. Alice has a website alicegriffin.co.uk and is on instagram @wanderingalice
We Discuss:
The idea of “wandering” and slow travel rather than exotic trips
Coming across different people and hearing various ways of doing things, seeing what resonates in choosing our home education paths
Following passions and deep dives, soaking things up, supporting and facilitating learning
The central role that nature can play in daily life and the ease of access to the outdoors when living in campers or boats
How an unconventional life can open up flexibility to actually build and maintain community and relationships with extended family in a different way than a “regular” 9-5 sort of life
How families communicate and find consensual ways of travel and decision-making
Travel with pets and considering their needs as well
The importance of self-reflection and humility
How travel or living closely together can lead to working together and a natural division of labour
The possibility that battles and conflict over chores and roles might be somewhat of a modern conversation given that they were just part of collective living in less modern times
That when we begin to work around each other with open conversation, we develop a mutual respect and rhythm
The adjustments that sometimes need to be made when various people are coming from different directions and trying to move back into a common energy/pace
How home education can feel very pleasant and comfortable as we get into a rhythm as a family, not feeling stressed and pulled in different directions
“Wandering” as an opportunity to connect in natural ways – enjoying each other around a table – and gathering with people of all ages and backgrounds
Finding a home education community when travelling to different places – challenges and possibilities
Wandering as a somewhat different feeling or expectation than how worldschooling is sometimes described
Becoming a tourist in our own town and how we don’t need to be too far from home to have a bit of adventure
The possibility that a simple, but rich, wandering life can be more affordable than people might imagine
Other avenues, beyond lessons and structured activities, for gaining life experiences
Resources:
alicegriffin.co.uk
@wanderingalice
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids podcast
Modern Classics As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning
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Our conversation continued … (listen to Part One here)
When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well!
We were so happy to have Sue Elvis join us as we discussed deschooling alongside an overview of her newest book, The Unschool Challenge. Sue has a blog and podcast at Stories of an Unschooling Family. She is also the author of unschooling books: Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love.
We Discuss:
The idea of ‘cocooning’ or taking breaks from certain things and how kids often come out of those times with either deeper or new understanding of things
The importance of rest as part of learning and growth processes
How children sometimes do things repeatedly – same picture book, movie, game, etc and what they might be processing
Repetitive activity as a way of feeling agency and control over something
The expectation of being continuously productive
How deeper deschooling can be quite uncomfortable and require some really hard work
The ease of trusting when things are going smoothly and our kids are doing things that seem exciting, versus times that we’re less comfortable with
Dropping our preconceived notions of our children are and seeing them for who they really are
How mistrusting children has almost become a virtue in many mainstream circles – it’s a sign of being responsible, being a good parent
Trusting what we know works for our family in relation to various things such as tech/screen use
Building a family language – being intentional at first and overtime it comes naturally
How trust is not just stepping back – it involves building up connections
How there are experts in particular fields, but a parent is right there in the midst of the real situations – the importance of context
That deschooling can be triggering in thinking about our own school experiences
That deschooling can lead to an opportunity to renew our excitement or experience a deep joy of learning
Being gentle with ourselves and respecting our failures and continued learning
Resources:
The Unschool Challenge – Sue Elvis
Unschooling Together Community
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When people first hear the word “deschooling,” they might assume it is all about the children, but they soon realize it can have a whole lot to do with parents as well!
We were so happy to have Sue Elvis join us as we discussed deschooling alongside an overview of her newest book, The Unschool Challenge. Sue has a blog and podcast at Stories of an Unschooling Family. She is also the author of unschooling books: Curious Unschoolers and Radical Unschool Love.
We Discuss:
An overview of The Unschool Challenge and the various ways it can be helpful
The challenges as an invitation to do the work of deschooling, not necessarily in a linear way, but in whatever order and pace works best for an individual parent
How deschooling and Sue’s book aren’t just about kids, but about our own processes as parents as well
Moving forward courageously in endeavours even when we know we’re imperfect, and how deschooling helps us peel back the right answer/wrong answer mentality
How unschooling isn’t quantitative; we can’t deem how successful it is or not using some universal standard
How children are curious and will learn regardless, but the role of deschooling for parents is so substantial
Relationships and connections, and the overflow of this work into our interactions with others, even beyond our children
Differences between what deschooling means when moving toward homeschooling of various styles versus moving toward unschooling – the idea of unravelling and dismantling rather than just decompressing
Getting to a place where we enjoy and delight in life and learning without thinking of them as separate subjects
That unschooling isn’t just about taking rules and other things away, but also adding things in – more of the beautiful things in life that bring connection, joy and curiosity to our particular family
Being gentle with ourselves – deschooling is slow, individual work
The wonderful thing about questions
The goodness of circling back to things we might have read earlier in our deschooling process to ponder and strengthen or renew our growth
Continue on to Part Two here.
Resources:
The Unschool Challenge
Unschooling Together Community
The Unschool Space Podcast
Exploring Unschooling Podcast – Episode 251
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Do we deserve joy? That might sound like a strange question because smiling and happiness are very valued, but it seems we’re less comfortable with deep and ongoing joy. When people make choices that lead in the direction of less stress or more joy, sometimes questions arise. Life is supposed to be tough – who do people think they are living boldly and joyfully? Do we allow ourselves to fully feel joy? And what does this have to do with home education? Please join us as we think it through!
We Discuss:
What the difference might be between happiness and joy
How society places a high value on happiness, but is less comfortable with deep or ongoing joy. Maybe joy is seen as frivolous?
That in fairytales, “Happily Ever After” equals resolution. We tend to think if things are resolved, we will be happy.
How joy can still be present alongside difficulties and even inside the difficulties
How anticipating difficult things later in the day or week can rob us of moments of joy with our children in the present if we’re not intentional
The positive and powerful role of stress when there’s purpose and moderation
Lack of joy and stress as default – stress running under the surface as a norm in modern life and how we can notice joy as a way of staying present
The role that school has played in us anticipating or accepting a lack of joy in regard to learning and even daily life
Moving past the guilt of having a joyful life at home during school hours!
The high school years as being an assumed time of high stress and lack of joy. How do we move past that?
The joy of partnership and collaboration in self-directed learning
The link between gratitude and joy – cultivating an attitude of gratitude
Taking the time to say out loud that we are feeling more than one emotion at a time in the presence of our kids
What brings each of our children joy individually and a concrete way of bringing more in for them
Prioritizing joy in our home and family life and building it into our week in regular ways – protecting time
Joy in and as self-care, and protecting mental health for adults and kids alike
Kids reminding us of joy and self-care. We’re models for them and then they are for us.
Whether there is a danger of feeling too much joy. Is it irresponsible?
The cycle of joy -when we’re joyful, perhaps it gives permission for others to be joyful.
Holding space for one child to be in a joyful period of time even as another child might be having a tough time
Accepting that some days we just won’t have the energy to look for joy. Sometimes we’ll feel discomfort.
Resources:
Living Joyfully podcast
Exploring Unschooling podcast : Episode 251 – Unschooling as a Lifestyle with Lucia Silva
Stories of Unschooling Families Community
Brave Writer Poetry Teatime
Taking a Kinder Path: Joy Lists – A Home Education Essential
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This was originally a conversation recorded for and posted to the Stories of Unschooling Families online community in Spring of 2022 and we decided to include it as an episode.
Ashley and Erin had an opportunity to talk to Jenna Reich of Rogue Learner podcast and website and Jenna Reich Photography about Ashley’s and Jenna’s journey into beginning home education, specifically unschooling or self-directed education. This was an interesting opportunity to discuss beginning homeschooling during and/or because of the pandemic with two parents who also happen to have worked in the education system.
We Discuss:
Whether beginning homeschooling during a pandemic is easier as far as it being accepted
Being a certified teacher and home educating
How the pandemic gave the space to do research and find what really worked for an individual family
Increased questioning about homeschooling around the time of certain milestones: eg. Kindergarten, Grade One, Junior High years, High school
Explaining what we do (with or without the word “unschooling” and depending on how much time we have, level of listener’s interest)
The benefit of having a spouse working from home during the pandemic giving the opportunity for both parents to see living and learning in action
The explosion of online information from newer home educators and whether people are more confident and knowledgeable in sharing
The role of sharing experience on social media and in online groups
The desire to share as a way of offering possibilities and information to others, but also the consideration of privacy in sharing about one’s family
Home education as just part of a wider life, interconnected with decisions and thinking about other systems
The beauty of having a wide range of voices in the podcasting, blogging, authorship world
Decentering school – supportive and connected parenting regardless of where kids are being educated
Resources mentioned:
Rogue Learner Podcast
The Homeschool Project Podcast
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Clubhouse
Honey, I’m Homeschooling the Kids Podcast
Kiki and the Wildlings
Exploring Unschooling Podcast
The Unschool Files Podcast
Unschooling School
- Visa fler
