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If you're a childfree person who's been told "You'll die alone!" buckle up because Kat Vellos and I are about to reveal the secret to living a life surrounded by people who love and care about you -- friends!
I had an amazing conversation with Kat, a friendship expert and author of the book, We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships.
You can read Kat's writing in over 100 countries and she’s been interviewed by The New York Times, NPR, Communication Arts, The Good Life Project, and many more. Sign up for my Substack Newsletter to get new Spinster Life Podcast episodes, including my full conversation with Kat, delivered directly to your inbox
Here's how to connect with Kat:
Here to Make Friends
Kat's Newsletter
Get Kat's book! We Should Get Together is the handbook for anyone (childfree or not) who’s ready for better friendships, yesterday. It’s the perfect book for anyone who wants to have dedicated, life-enriching friends, and who wants to be that kind of friend, too.
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The holidays are tough, but especially for single people. Too much family togetherness and too many questions into your personal life can instill dread in the heart of even the staunchest singelton. So how can you get through it? I asked solo life expert Mary Delia Allen for her hot take on self-care during the holiday season.
Here's Mary Delia
If you’re a visual person, you can check out this video on YouTube:
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Happy Single Holidays! And I don’t mean eating a Swanson turkey TV dinner by yourself on Thanksgiving. I’m talking about the two international holidays in November celebrating singleness in their own unique institutional way, St.Catherine's Day, and Singles Day 11/11. So let’s contrast and compare the two and examine how they’re both great and problematic in different ways.
You can watch the full video on YouTube:
More hat videos:
Stephen Jones Video
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I’m not a big Halloween person, but one gruesome thing I enjoy year-round is true crime stories. First, who doesn’t love a mystery? And second, stories of murdering husbands reveal the not-so-sunny side of marriage and one of the upsides of staying single. True crime stories also help me feel safer, revealing troubling patterns of behavior to watch for in any situation.
Betty and Glen Wolsieffer were an All-American couple living in Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania. Until Betty was found dead on their bedroom floor on August 30, 1986, and Glen's story of a masked intruder started to fall apart. Learn how ladders, dew, and infidelity at the Red Roof Inn ended in the gruesome demise of a housewife as I create art and tell you the story of the shocking privilege of the cheating dentist.
You can watch the video version on YouTube, or check out the finished artwork on Instagram.
Sources:
Forensic Files Episode
Handsome Devils Episode
Forensic Files Now Blog Post
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What do you think when I say hormones? You probably think about the symptoms of PMS like mood swings and bloating, and you probably think of estrogen. But hormones are so much more. These complex chemical reactions inside our body not only bring on changes like puberty or menopause, but play a crucial role in helping us sleep, regulating our moods, and just..keeping us alive. That’s right, hormones aren’t just sex hormones like estrogen and testosterone, hormones are involved in every body process necessary for life.
So reducing menopause to an estrogen issue ignores all the other pieces of the puzzle, all the other hormones that play a role in the aging process, and doesn’t do anything to help understand what’s going on inside your body.
Let’s get educated about hormones with Moyra Gorski as our guide. She loves educating women about their bodies and helping them make changes to feel better and get the life they want.
Here’s Moyra:Website
Journal to Joy
Moyra’s 8 Tips to Aging Well
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Moyra is also my special guest on YouTube this week. Check it out here:
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**post updated 10/6/23**No discussion of cat ladies would be complete without discussing how the crazy got into the cat lady stereotype in the first place, and, how hard it is to remove it today. Even for cat ladies themselves! Today I’m talking to Lucy Meggeson, host of The Spinsterhood Reimagined Podcast, and Haley Shapley, Author of Strong Like Her, to continue our conversation about cat ladies.
Haley shared some fascinating facts about how images of cats were used to discredit women fighting for the right to vote. In the eyes of the anti-sufferage movement, cats were useless, silly, feminine beings who belonged in the home, who needed the safety of the domestic sphere, and who didn’t deserve to be seen and heard. Just like human women. Here are some of the memes:
This last image actually tells the fascinating story of how government tried to silence suffragists and the cruel game of cat and mouse they played with suffragettes (the name for suffragists in the UK.)
Read more about the history of anti-sufferage memes:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-bizarre-history-of-anti-suffrage-cat-memes_n_5818f36ce4b00f11fc5c38b5
https://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2013/12/04/the-feminization-of-the-cat-in-anti-suffrage-propaganda/
https://www.nps.gov/articles/000/teaching-justice-anti-suffrage-postcards.htm
https://aphrabookclub.com/post/crazy-cat-lady-the-history-of-cat-memes-rooted-in-feminist-history/
Here’s Lucy Meggeson:
Instagram
Podcast
Lucy’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
Here’s Haley Shapley:
Instagram
Strong Like Her
Haley’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
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Diane Keaton is an American treasure who just keeps on giving. From her memorable film roles in Annie Hall, The Godfather, First Wives Club, Somethings Got To Give, Book Club, and many more, to her strong Instagram game, to her iconic fashion sense, Keaton is a walking advertisement for staying single and thriving.
In today’s episode, I’m taking a deep dive into what makes Diane Keaton’s memorable personal style so powerful. And, I’m going into my own closet to recreate some of Keaton’s most memorable signature outfits to help me find my spinster style. Follow Diane Keaton on Instagram, you won’t regret it. And if you have a Diane Keaton-inspired look you’d like to share, tag @livingthespinsterlife on Instagram!My previous video about women and pantsSpinster Life Podcast Episode About Coco Chanel
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Michele Wispelwey is back! As the founder of Femgevity, a digital telehealth platform for women, Michele channels her experience in the healthcare industry to help women fight back against the traditional ways doctors have health with women as they age. She’s on a mission to extend women’s health spans and prevent the side effects holding them back from enjoying their golden years.
Most doctors don’t know ANYTHING about menopause, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t have the medical technology to make menopause a less uncomfortable and potentially dangerous time in a woman’s life. Michele dishes the facts about menopause and how it can be the best part of the rest of your life.
Resources
Find a Menopause specialist on the NAMS website
Here’s Michele
Facebook
Instagram
TikTok
Twitter
LinkedIn
YouTube
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It’s time to check back in with three of my favorite cat ladies to discuss the cats vs kids debate. Are cats just a substitute for kids? Or, do people, single, married, divorced, etc, have cats because they like cats and get value from their lives because
Let’s find out!
I’m so pleased to welcome Leysan, Lucy, and Haley back to the podcast to talk about pets, children, and the different ways we all show our pets we care.
Here’s Leysan Khabibullina:
Instagram
Leysan’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
Here’s Lucy Meggeson:
Instagram
Podcast
Lucy’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
Here’s Haley Shapley:
Instagram
Strong Like Her
Haley’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
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Natalie Bevans is a master esthetician who has been helping women feel beautiful in their own skin for 20 years. Today she’s joining me to get real about aging and to tear down some of our assumptions about being less beautiful the older we get. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of comparing ourselves to other women and feeling like you come up short in comparison. Natalie has some tips for you on how to help your skin stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible and how we can all adjust our thinking around what beautiful skin looks like.
Here’s Natalie
IG @thefortembeauty
Natalie Teaches You 10 Simple Steps to Create Glowing Skin - Free Download!
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My Latest YouTube Video About Aging
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I’m so pleased to welcome Michele Wispelway to the show. Michele is on a mission to revolutionize women's health through her digital telemedicine platform FemGevity. With her extensive experience and unwavering passion, she's here to empower women, tackle menopause, and unleash feminine longevity.
For women, the thought of getting older is terrifying. We’re inundated with stories about the decay of our bodies and how we’d better “hurry up” and take advantage of our youth while we can. You’ve probably read all about the “dangers” of having a baby over the age of 35. Your pregnancy is "geriatric”, your kid will probably have some kind of genetic abnormality IF you can even get pregnant at all. Because after you turn 35 you’re eggs are rotten and your uterus becomes an inhospitable wasteland.
But is that really how fertility works?
Today, we discuss how we perceive women once they’ve hit the age 35 and reveal the source of the panic about “old” women having babies. We’ll also discuss why we never talk about the decline of men’s fertility and what you can do to empower yourself to feel comfortable in your own body.
Resources
Where the 35-Year Fertility Cliff Myth Comes From
Here’s Michele
Facebook
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TikTok
Twitter
LinkedIn
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Shana Francesca is the founder of Concinnate World where she uses the principles of life design to help her clients live more joyful and fulfilled lives.
In the second part of our conversation, we take on the world! Why do we believe the things we do? And what can we do to dismantle belief systems that have existed for thousands of years? Call out inequalities when we see them, keep talking about it, and never shut up about it.
Articles About The Bumble Kidnapper Here and HereListen To The First Part of My Conversation With Shana Francesca
Here’s Shana:
linktr.ee/ShanaFrancesca
linktr.ee/Concinnate
Website
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Picture it: 2020, the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. A gorgeous young redhead hunches over a laptop, listening intently to the final cut of her passion project, a podcast about single women. Her finger hovers indecisively over the post button. Will she launch the podcast, or will she let it languish on her hard drive?
That redhead was me. And that podcast was The Spinster Life Podcast. I did, of course, launch the podcast because I’m now 50 episodes deep.
But what would have happened if I hadn’t pushed past my fears and hit publish on the first episode?
I speculate on what I would say to my past self about all my fears and doubts in this very special episode of the podcast. It’s no secret that I love TV, so this episode is my homage to sitcom clip shows. I’ve learned a lot, laughed a lot, cried a little, and now I’m looking back at all of it.
A huge thank you to all my fantastic guests over the years, I’m so proud of what we’ve created together. Another huge thank you to everyone who has ever listened.
If you want to post about The Spinster Life or share with friends I’ve made it super easy for you. You can use this link to access copy and graphics that you can use to create social media posts for your feed. Thanks for helping me spread the word about the show.
You can subscribe to The Spinster Life on Substack! You’ll get new episodes of the podcast directly in your inbox. Look for new episodes bi-weekly (I mean the every other week kind of bi-weekly) as well as my column Dating Myself Era, a resource for learning how to date yourself (sometimes featuring personal stories from my own dating journey.)
Or watch my YouTube videos! I recently hit 1,000 subscribers and would love to skyrocket my subscriber count.
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This nimbly-bimbly little kitten lived in a trash pile behind my apartment building and was the impetus for helping an entire colony of feral cats.
The brand Cat Lady has come to symbolize singleness, is usually preceded by the word crazy, and is generally not a compliment. If you’re a single woman who has a cat, or two cats, or five cats, you have probably seen some eye rolls and been told that men will run away in terror from you.
But f**k all that noise! Cats make great pets,cat ladies are rad, and I have the receipts to prove it.
This is the first in a series of episodes about cat ladies, where we break down stereotypes surrounding single women with cats and reveal the real people behind the cats. Today, I talk to my guests Leysan, Lucy, and Haley about how their cats came into their lives.
Here’s Leysan Khabibullina:
Instagram
Leysan’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
Here’s Lucy Meggeson:
Instagram
Podcast
Lucy’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
Here’s Haley Shapley:
Instagram
Strong Like Her
Haley’s Last Appearance on The Spinster Life Podcast
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I’ve got to take myself on more dates!
This year I undertook a very vulnerable and public look back at my years on the dating scene I call the 300 First Dates Project. Throughout the short life of this project, I’ve reflected on mistakes I’ve made and the bad behavior I’ve witnessed. Years later, I’m still traumatized. But I think I’ve figured out how to heal.
The only antidote to going on bad dates is to go on good dates. And who is the best person to take me on these dates? Me! This solo episode is a love letter to dating yourself, and a document of my first stab at solo dating with a purpose.
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Patricia Smith Griffin is a historian, genealogist, podcaster, and the keeper of a rich family history. She is descended from early Ohio settler Charity Davis Ceasar Broady and was told the story of her family’s legacy, passed down through the generations by the women in her family, since the time she was born. To honor her family and keep the stories alive, Patricia founded Charity’s Children Project, a non-profit organization committed to establishing a multicultural center in Dayton, Ohio, and wrote and voiced The Legacy of Charity’s Children, a short story podcast series that illuminates the generational journey of one of Dayton’s oldest African American families.
Patricia joins me to show us how single women can leave a legacy for themselves by telling us the stories of her unmarried (and married late in life) relatives and how their accomplishments shaped her family. She also gives us some tips on how you can find the spinsters in your family tree.
Here’s Patricia: Charity’s Children Website
The Legacy of Charity’s Children PodcastEmail Patricia
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Shana Francesca is a speaker, writer, and entrepreneur. She helps people live more joyful and connected lives through the principles of life design. Shana believes our present and future are transformed when we infuse our lives with intention, we design our lives, and realize the power in accepting ourselves as the author of our story.
This week, we’re talking about our homes, the one sanctuary where we still have some control over our bodies. Shana throws down some wisdom that goes beyond paint colors or throw pillows. She challenges us to look past what we were taught our homes should be and how we set boundaries to find what feels intentionally authentic.
Resources:
Dormzilla Article
Here’s Shana:
linktr.ee/ShanaFrancesca
linktr.ee/Concinnate
Website
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When you think of romcoms, which rom-com star comes to mind? Julia Roberts? Meg Ryan? Reese Witherspoon?
Today on the podcast, the right answer is Sandra Bullock. Lucy and I are taking a look at 3 of Sandy’s classic rom-com roles from 1995 - 2009; Lucy in While You Were Sleeping, Lucy in Two Weeks Notice, and Margaret in The Proposal.
How have these movies aged? Does the portrayal of women get better or worse as the years progress? Lucy and I went on a wild ride to find out. There was sweetness, there was conflict, and in the end, our mutual hate of one of these movies reunited us.
Lucy is a frequent contributor to the podcast. She’s a post-graduate researcher focusing on mental illness in sitcoms and previously she’s been on the show to discuss women in sitcoms, the portrayal of women in BoJack Horseman, and the women of the MCU.
**Spoiler Alert - There Will Be Spoilers**
Here’s Lucy:
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/lucy_rivers_pgr/And Twitter: https://twitter.com/LucyriPhd
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My guest Kira Sabin is a Positive Psychology Practitioner, Certified Life Coach, and the Troop Leader of Love at the Relationship-Quotient.com. For the past 14 years she’s been unleashing her no-nonsense wisdom to coach singles on building the relationship they need.
She is obsessed with understanding how love and relationships work from a psychological, emotional, and scientific point of view. She works with singles from around the world through her process, the Owner’s Manual, and her Relationship Quotient Community. She hails from America’s Dairyland, Madison, WI, and is, in fact, a cheesehead!
Kira and I can both agree, dating sucks! But why exactly? Well, we break it down and lay out the top 7 reasons that dating sucks - for everyone! Even if you’re having a great time dating, meeting quality matches who treat you with respect, and looking forward to swiping right, Kira has some insights that will help you get even better at dating. And if you’re not, we commiserate about how dating has changed but our brains still haven’t caught up to the new reality.
Here’s Kira: InstagramFacebookTwitterKira Sabin’s Website
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This week, Amie is joined by Chantelle Dyson, a love and life coach. She helps singles find confidence in their relationship with themselves so they can find a healthy, fulfilling relationship with someone else. If that’s what they’re after, that is. Chantelle is the host of the podcast The Single Girl’s Guide To Life and the founder of The Single Girls Club, a space for single women to create community.
If one of your resolutions this year was to “get back out there” and start dating, listen up! Chantelle tells us about three key areas that singles should work on, community, courage, and character, to make dating as stress-free as possible. And maybe even fun!
Here’s ChantelleWebsiteOn InstagramOn TikTok
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