Avsnitt
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If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Any question leading to sex.
Take The Next Step
Why We struggle with talking about sex
It requires you to be vulnerableWe take complaints personallyWe have biasesIsn't sex supposed to just happen and always be good?Or you can't have sex like that!Pushback is a threat to our beliefsWe make sex mean somethingWhy are these most intimate topics so difficult for us to talk about? Especially, when it is with the one person we are supposed to be able to openly and freely talk to.
What is holding us back from asking about sex and talking openly?
JudgedRejectionIt's not comfortable = EmbarrassingWe weren't taught to advocate for ourselvesShameWhat are the hardest questions to ask centered around sex?
Some Questions you might want to ask?
What did you learn about sex growing up and how did you learn?What would you like me to do?What do you not like for me to do?What do you wish I did more of?Where do you like to be touched, and where do you not like to be touched?When do you like to have sex?What allows you to feel the sexiest?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex with me?Did you ever have an event that negatively impacted what you think of sex?The most challenging question is
Would you like to have sex?
Summary
The episode focuses on the challenges men face in discussing sex and intimacy with their wives. The host, Bryan, acknowledges that sex is an important part of marriage for most men as a way to show love and feel loved by their spouse. However, many men struggle when their sex life declines or their wife no longer desires sex as frequently.
Bryan outlines some of the main reasons why men have difficulty talking about sex:
It requires being vulnerable, and men tend to take any criticism or complaints personally.People have biases and differing beliefs around certain sexual acts like oral sex, bondage, etc. which makes those topics awkward to discuss.There is shame and taboo around discussing sex from societal conditioning that sex is "dirty."Men were never taught to properly advocate for their wants/needs, especially something as intimate as sex.There is a fear of rejection, as men have likely been turned down for sex many times before in the relationship.The host suggests that rather than making assumptions or turning to pornography out of frustration, men need to have open conversations with their wives about sex. He provides example questions to help start the dialogue, such as asking about sexual experiences growing up, acts they would/wouldn't want to try, times of day they prefer sex, and if there are any past negative experiences impacting their sexuality.
Ultimately, the most challenging part is simply asking "Would you like to have sex?" But Bryan encourages men to overcome the awkwardness and shame to advocate for their desire for intimacy and connection through sex. He offers his coaching services to help men improve their ability to discuss these topics with their wives.
Take the Next Step and Get Coached - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer
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If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
So we have noticed that the lack of intentionality with our significant other has to change. To be able to change you have to know how you arrived in the circumstance you are in now. That is what we are going to be talking about this week. What actions did we take to break our connection?
Take The Next Step
***Warning***
Don't fall into the victim mindset here. You may want to say,
"Well, she doesn't try either."
"She started it"
"She is just cold"
"She never liked the marriage to start"
or any other excuses. even if she said that to your face, your thoughts are what makes it true. So what was your part in this scenario? When you start being honest that you had a hand in your marriage's doldrums too, you start to see where your power is and you can fix it by changing yourself. Think of the law of reciprocity or the 100/0 principle.
You are the leader of the house. Not the boss of the home but the leader and there is nuance as to how a good leader leads.
So what did you do to send your loving sex-filled marriage into the frustrating mediocrity of roommate syndrome?
Being a know-it-all
Has your wife ever reminded you of something you need to do and you said, "I know"? Maybe you step all over her talking with your own thoughts and views? Many times when we are running on unintentional thoughts we will be Mr. Know-it-all. We are in a hurry to get our thoughts sent out before we forget them and we end up forgetting that we want to connect with our wife. So What do we do? Blurt out our thoughts and not show her the courtesy or respect that is needed for a good connected conversation.
We don't have to expound all of our knowledge all at once. Our wife believes we can be awesome and smart. She is also awesome and smart so maybe hold back and if needed write the retort down so you can remember it.
Try to fix it
She doesn't want you to fix the problem. She wants the opportunity to share her life with you. When she complains about the day she had she’s not wanting sympathy as much as she is wanting to share her life.
The problem many of us men have is that we take our wife’s retelling and make it mean something worse. That she is suffering she’s in pain. She is not having a pleasant time and that it reflects badly upon us. Many of us men also have a tendency to become anxious, worried, scared, angry, or some other fear-based emotion That we want to avoid.
so instead of listening and connecting with her wife, we want to rush in with our toolbelt and get our wife to be happier instantly. Life doesn’t work that way how many times has our wife tried to get us to smile and cheer up and it doesn’t work? The same thing goes for her.
When we try to fix the problem often, our wife thinks that we don’t care about what her day was about. We want to hurry the conversation along so that we don’t have to connect with our wives. That is the very opposite of what we want. We want to connect with our wife. We want to have a wonderful relationship with our wife. We know that we have to have a good emotional connection with our wife, but we also don’t wanna feel bad. Therefore, we toss all of the work we’re doing out the window.
Have your phone out at supper
We gripe at our teenagers for having the phone out at times. We really want to connect. These phones that we have today are these wondrous little machines that give us feel-good emotional bumps every second of the day.
The big problem though is that when we don’t have our phones in our hands, the amount of serotonin and dopamine levels drop which tells our brain that we are bored. Our brain does not like to be bored. It likes that stimulation that it gets from that little rectangular slab of plastic glass and metal. so often when we are being unintentional in our life that phone magically appears in our hand. So what are you do?
How do you keep from having that phone out at supper? That’s work right there. You have to get over your thoughts of what boredom actually means.
To your wife, the phone being out means the same thing as the phone being out to the kids. She interprets you reading your email looking up some piece of trivia or what as you’re not interested in her. The same goes around for your wife if she has the phone and you want to talk. You know how that feels so you have to start intentionally paying attention to what your hands are doing while you’re waiting for a refill of the bread basket.
You can start turning the phone off when you go to eat. You can also take the phone and set it face down on a different table to signify that you don’t have the phone. And then start asking questions. Talk to your wife. Don’t fix as before, but have deep conversations by asking questions.
Porn
When it comes to marriage, we’re supposed to have sex on a regular basis. Well, that’s what we like to tell ourselves. Yet often as the years go on and kids come onto the scene lovemaking gets relegated to the back of the closet.
we get told through the years of all the times our wife has a headache all the times her wife is too cold all the times her wife is too hot all the times she is angry at us all the times that she is got other things on her mind. All the times that she is just flat out not in the mood all those times we get told no add up.
Eventually, we start looking at porn. Eventually, we will fall into a victim mindset around porn well I just wanna see someone have sex. I wanna know someone’s at least doing it and we use that as an easy to get some type of sexual gratification. However, porn causes major disconnection to our marriage. it’s easier to go to a porn site on the Internet than to have a connection with your wife. It’s easier to look at fake women that it is to talk to the real woman who is in the bedroom down the hall.
You’ll hear people say that porn can be addicting. I won’t say that, but it is a very easy habit to fall into because of the reward cycles that happen. You can get away from using porn. And you don’t have to be ashamed of it. You can step away from the dirty movies. But again you have to have thoughts about how you’re going to handle porn and how you’re going to improve the sex life between you and your wife.
Playing the victim
If you know anything about this site, you know, I am not for the victim. Playing the victim, aren’t you no respect? It causes more suffering than it benefits and makes the victim look like an all-around loser.
If you want to have a connection with your wife, pointing the blame that you’re unhappy at her is going to fix the problem pointing the blame that you’re unhappy to anybody else is not going to fix the problem. The only person who can fix the problem is the one who is complaining. Your wife wants a hero, not the victim loser who whines about how everything is not fair.
To fix the problem you have to own up to your own shortcomings. You have to own your dirt. This is scary to a natural victim but becomes very empowering as you exercise your anti-victim mindset.
Your wife will start seeing you hold your head a little higher as you take responsibility for your actions. You start taking responsibility for where you are in life. And you start changing your trajectory. 
Not believing what she says
Connection is built on a foundation of trust. And it is very tough to have trust when someone keeps telling you you’re wrong. When the person who’s supposed to have your back, doesn’t believe what you’re saying there’s not gonna be much connection going on. When your wife is telling you something that happened in her day, interrupting her isn’t going to fix the problem if she is talking about something that she sees from her eyes that you’re doing telling her she’s wrong doesn’t help your case.
A big part to remember is that she’s going off of how she perceives what’s going on. The same as your world is based upon how you perceive the world so instead of telling her she doesn’t know what she’s talking about when she says you never take the trash out, get curious this is when you really need to be curious in the heat of a of an argument ask the questions and start trying to see the world from her eyes.
Doing that practicing the four pillars of effective communication actually allow for greater connection and a greater understanding of your wife for those times when she is seeing her world in a particular fashion.
Being apathetic
Many times in our marriage we won’t have the same interest as what our spouse has. There isn’t any enthusiasm and we could honestly care less about what Cynthia in sales is doing with her life. Yet to express that apathy to your wife is the same as just pulling out your phone at the dinner table. You have to show her you are interested. You have to show curiosity and how her day went. You can do this by asking questions actively listening also helps, but showing how apathetic you are severs connections, faster than a hot razor blade through butter. 
Letting date night slide
It’s Friday night it’s date night. But you really are not kind of feeling good about going out tonight. Rather just kinda stay home and just loaf instead of getting dressed up and taking the wife out. Or maybe kiddos been sick and then the wife got sick and so there’s been two or three weeks of no date night. We’ll do it next week now that is the crack of roommate syndrome starting.
Be intentional with your date nights. Yes, they’re gonna be times you're not in the mood to go out yet go out. It’s the small investments in your relationship that pay out in spades.
Do those little things that don’t seem to matter. We’re married. I don’t need to date my wife anymore. That’s where you’re wrong. You need to date your wife even more after you’re married than when y’all were single and dating.
Being vague
Marriage is about the connection. And those connections require specificity. So being vague transmits a lack of interest and also a bit of secrecy. Are you hiding something from your wife? What is it?
Women tend to bend to the worst possible outcome. When they start worrying, they get out of control at times. If they don’t feel they can trust you they’re going to pull away that pulling away is going to disconnect you from each other.
Go into details when you’re talking about today. This is what your wife wants to hear. When she wants you to open up, she wants you to open up with your day. She doesn’t necessarily mean your emotions. She wants to know the details of your day. Stop being vague about what happened at work and start throwing those details at her.
Manipulate her emotions
This one is for the nice guys. I get it you are scared of your emotions. Whether you want to admit it or not, your wife’s emotions are just as scary as your own. But let her have her emotions. You have your own and yes, they are not very comfortable at times. However, if you want a good connection with your wife, you have to let her experience her on emotions. When she’s mad at you being OK with her being mad at you doesn’t mean that the marriage is over. Just means that she is not happy with an action word that you said.
We have to stop trying to manipulate our wife because her emotions matter to her she may not like them and she’s gonna do things that cause her to avoid her own emotions, but let her cope with her emotions and you cope with yours.
Don’t talk
When relationships really start to crumble, and roommates syndrome has got its claws dug deeply into a relationship. The big indicator is when you aren’t talking with each other anymore.
This lack of talking can stem from too many fights the avoidance of fighting the manipulation of each other‘s emotions The lack of communication is a desperate sign because both sides are pulling away and there is hope that the relationship can get better but it’s going to take effort lots of intentional effort on your part. Being OK with trying something and failing and having to step back and Try again.
Not intentionally spending time with each other
Many times us getting together requires that you actually have to schedule time. Sounds weird sounds so unromantic but yet when y’all were dating, you scheduled date night. He scheduled other parts of your life. So scheduling reconnection time is also critically important for you and your wife.
This can also go for scheduling sex. Now, many people cringe at that thinking that sex should be this spontaneous event that erupts yet ask yourself why has the sex died down? 90% of the time it’s because other things have come up y’all gotten busy you hadn’t connected. Life happens.
Being in emotional childhood
We talk about people being reactionary and being somebody who reacts to circumstances and an emotional way and often runs around, believing that emotions just happened to them. They believe that emotions just float through the air and you somehow just run face-first into them.
This is emotional childhood. When you think emotions just happen to you without any cause. You are unbearably just a victim of your own emotions. When you are in emotional childhood, that’s what you’re thinking. Emotions don’t just happen to you. Emotions require thought to happen before you can feel any type of emotion. When you comprehend the fact that your emotions come from you you enter an emotional adult and you are able to understand why you feel happy sad or whatever.
When you are in an emotional childhood though you want to think that your wife makes you happy or your wife makes you sad. If your wife is in emotional childhood, she thinks you’re supposed to make her happy and that is impossible. You have no power to make your wife happy, you can show her Waze that you love her and she then has the choice to believe that thought you shared or rejected out of hand. This is why so many marriages fail these days they think their spouse is supposed to make them happy yet their spouse isn’t even happy if they can’t figure out how to make themselves happy how are they supposed to make you happy?
Overly critical
Dogging on your wife, your wife’s friends or anybody else who is close to your spouse is a good way of breaking up a connection. Because if you’re critical of those around her, how critical are you of her? You both are supposed to know everything about each other so if you’re critical about your wife’s friend, that’s probably going to tell you that she’s been having thoughts that you’re overly critical of her.
Being critical of other people causes them to close off from you. Why do they want to open up to somebody who’s just going to be very critical of what they think of what the hell they act of what they do? 
Using her as your therapist
Another way, you separate the emotional connection you want from your wife is by using her as your therapist. No, you’re not supposed to use your wife as an emotional dumping ground. That’s one thing a lot of counselors get wrong. That you’re supposed to open up emotionally to your wife. You’re supposed to tell her all your fears and your concerns and the times that you’re anxious and everything else that’s farthest from the truth. Women want to know about your day they want the details of your day. They want to know how your day went in gritty minutia. The more they see you caring, you show them that you want to include them in your day.
They don’t want emotional vomit thrown upon them. When you are dumping all your emotional baggage upon your wife, you’re not helping build a connection you’re tiring her out she’s supposed to be able to come to you to dump her emotional baggage. You’re the man you’re strong enough to handle it. you’re also supposed to have other men around you so that they can help you with that load your band of Brothers your community is where you do your emotional unloading and the other man in your group will help you do that in a healthy manner not just stand around going well I feel really anxious today doesn’t help you become a better husband for your wife telling her how scared you are of every little thing around you And how your dad was not caring of you doesn’t help her. See you as a better man. Talk to your band Brothers about the emotional stuff. Take your wife’s emotional baggage from her and share it with your men. They will bring positive masculine energy to you to be able to share with your wife and kids.
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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After 10 to 20 years of marriage, you may notice that the roommate syndrome has crept in and has set up Shop right in your bedroom. You may be noticing that there are a lot of things that are just kind of normal. Maybe you think that’s how things just are. However, this stuff can change. The connection that you are used to hasn't gone it’s just not being used. Your emotional connections are a lot like a muscle and you have to exercise it to keep it strong.
When we have that strong connection in our relationships, we experience a more fulfilling relationship. That connection is what our wife needs to be intimate with us. We often stand around, wondering why she doesn’t want to sleep with us anymore or why the sex has faded away to being once every three months when it used to be we were rocking our socks off every other day. The answer is, that we’ve let life happen. We’ve had arguments and we’ve said things that hurt each other’s feelings. We’ve lashed out because we were hurting emotionally. It means that we would rather feel emotionally safe and not feel hurt as much. Therefore, we withdraw.
That withdrawal pattern amplifies in distance as the years pass. Add kids and other responsibilities and eventually that smoking hot bride that we had isn’t putting on teddys and garter belts for us anymore. She is now in fuzzy pajama pants, a long nightgown sweatshirt with fuzzy socks. You can’t remember the last time she touched her makeup and getting her to go outside amongst people in public is like pulling teeth. When you look back you see and remember how adventurous she used to be. That lack of connection and that lack of communication is what created the problem you’re experiencing now.
Is there any hope? Should you just give up on this marriage and go find a younger model? I would dissuade from the divorce thoughts because you have years of connection. You need to have a reawakening to see that wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling marriage you both still have. The Key is you just have to work at rebuilding that connection now.
Start with the end in mind
When it comes to building a strong connection, you want to start with the end in mind. That means stepping back and examining what does a connected intimate marriage actually look like. Yes, it’s gonna have more sex for sure but what else? Are you ok with the possibility that the sex may never come back to what it was before? What does that look like? How do y’all reconnect each night before bed? How do you set aside intentional time for your wife? How do you foster a deeper connection during the hard times? What does your life with a deep meaningful fulfilling connection look like to you? That is the important part that we miss. How do we go about having a great fulfilling marriage? These are all questions you want to ask regularly.
Many times we step through life without intention so much so that we don’t even think of what we want our marriage to look like or how we want to act toward each other. We think that the other person is supposed to be bringing us joy, happiness, and fulfillment, but that is not the case. Your wife sadly cannot bring you happiness. Your wife cannot make you happy in any form. She doesn't have that power. The same goes for you. You are not able to make your wife happy. No matter what you say or do, you’re not gonna bring joy or fulfillment to her life. All of that is based upon your thoughts, so you have to first understand and examine and do the thought work on what you believe a good healthy marriage is about.
How do you think You behave when there’s a crisis how do you show up to that circumstance? Look in examine how you want your life to be from every possible angle and then look and see where you don’t show up like that and why do you not show up like that? What are you making your wife saying she’s got a headache mean about your relationship? you want to make sure you have those thoughts processed. Make plans as to how you would like to show up for your wife. Have a vision of how you will be. Don't worry about your wife. You have no control over her.
Understand your why and want to change.
What is it about your marriage that is unfulfilling? That’s a great question to ask, isn’t it? Can you answer that question honestly to yourself? What part of that scenario is your fault? That’s a big one if you’re able to answer that. You’re gonna be well on your way to finding answers and being able to change your marriage for the better, if you can see how you had a hand in creating this roommate syndrome.
The next part of your marriage that you want to examine is why you want to change. Yeah, the sex may not be as frequent as you would like, but that is just one aspect of a beautiful marriage. If all you can complain about is that you’re not getting as much nookie as you want, then other issues and that is a little bit more work. I would recommend that you look at your beliefs around marriage and sex.
Look at your "why" and examine that "why". Come to understand the reasons around why you want to better your marriage. That "why" is going to be your motivation. You are going to have rough spots as you make changes in your life. When it’s not going the way you wanted it to go you will need to turn to your "why". You’ve told your spouse that you’re gonna make changes in the past. You probably have told her that you were going to do any number of things that have never actually happened. This is because if you want her to change, you gotta show her how dedicated you are to that change. That dedication may take years. It’s not gonna be one week down the road for darn sure. So you have to lean on your "why". Why do you want a better marriage? Why do you want stronger connections and stronger communication with your wife? When you have that "why" you’ll be able to press through those difficult times. Other people just give up and revert back to their old comfortable ways, but not. you because you know why you want a better marriage.
When you have a why you can step into having a better relationship with your wife. You can do so with full knowledge and intention as to the direction you’re going to take your life and your family.
How are you going to intentionally improve your marriage?
Answer that question as honestly as you possibly can. That's because it’s gonna take all of your intentionality to improve the connection in your marriage. It’s going to take intentionally going to your wife sitting down and talking with her regularly. It’s gonna take you intentionally sharing your day with her no matter how dull and boring you think it is.
When you start becoming intentional in your actions you’re going to get better results. Are you going to still screw up? Oh hell yes, you are. You’re gonna mess up more times than you get right. As long as you are trying and you’re moving forward, and you’re examining what you’ve done with intention, you will see where you’ve messed up. Those problems will be easier to spot and change. You will make your life and your wife’s life better.
Layout your plans
We like to think that we can play things by ear. We can adjust. We have more freedom when we can make changes on the fly. Making plans and examining those plans change the results a lot more than just playing it by ear. Executing those plans is your road to success. If you don’t know where you’re going, are you going to get there? If you don’t know where you wanna wind up how are you even know if you’re close? You have to make plans with your wife.
Every Saturday at 8 o’clock, I’m going to have a conversation with my wife.Every evening at 6 o’clock me and the wife are going to go for a walk.Every Tuesday and Thursday I’m going to wash the dishes.I am going to buy flowers on Friday For my bride.List out what you want to accomplish. Then stick to those almost as religiously as you can. Yeah, there’s gonna be times that the’s kid's have an event is on Friday so you may not be able to go out for steak night. However, if every Friday night is date night, then you pretty much will nail every Friday night as being steak night.
Treat those date nights seriously. Maybe Saturday nights are your date nights now. Therefore, you start intentionally getting dressed up. Go two levels better than what you normally dress. Put on some cologne. Add some deodorant. Wash the undercarriage and go out into town with your wife and don’t expect anything in return for the adventure. If you’re expecting something in return that’s called manipulation and you’re breaking the connection even more.
Work on yourself, not on your wife.
The biggest part of improving your connection with her wife is to not try to fix her. If you think the problem is her, then you need to step back and examine your part of the scenario. She is withdrawn. She’s not putting out she’s not wanting to open up, my response would be what did you do to that. I get this is a difficult question to ask because we don’t want to say our Rose our fault but they are. Now could it be that we have been trying everything and our wife has had an affair? Yeah, there is a chance that that’s happened, but there is a bigger chance that she lost the emotional connection thanks to roommate syndrome and she just happened to find a guy who fit the Bill who makes her feel alive again. So you have to face up to the very uncomfortable fact that it’s not 100% your fault, but you did play a part in perpetuating the breakdown of that connection. This statement isn’t a means to bring upon self-hatred in any way, but when you can be honest with yourself, you’re going to be more willing to make the needed changes and put in the needed effort to fix what is broken in your marriage.
That doesn’t mean you start using your wife as a therapist either. That’s what your band of Brothers is about. You see our wives are not supposed to be our therapists. Our wives are not wanting us to open up emotionally. They do not want us to vomit our emotional feelings all over them. They want to be able to pass their negative experiences and their negative emotions over to you so that you can turn them into positive emotions again. They can’t do that when you’re throwing all of your negative experiences at them.
The secret to what women want from us is the one thing that guys don’t enough of and that is talk about the minuscule minute boring details of our day. When they want us to open up, that’s what they’re talking about. You opening up your life events to them. That’s why we struggle as men. We struggle as hard as we do. Because we’re opening up in the wrong way. Women want to be involved in our lives. Step back and look at how your wife talks to her friends. They go into detail about their day what they’re feeling what they’re seeing. What they experiencing. Look at the same scenario that they’re describing. There is this mountain that's got three really big large jagged cracks that go down the length of the mountain and it’s just so majestic when the sun hits it at a particular time of the day and it turns into a bright, fiery orange colored glow. While we just say we saw a big mountain and it was cool to see. These are big differences that help them feel involved in your life. That is what they mean when they say they want you to open up.
Work on your four pillars of Relaxed Male
Think back, to when you and your wife first married. You were young you had dreams and ideas and passions that you were going to conquer the world. What changed between then and now? That Dr. that passion doesn’t burn nearly as hot as it used to if it’s burning at all if it’s even smoldering, how big is your friend now? Maybe one good friend maybe one guy you call a friend but you’re not sure. How are you improving your life? Are you still in this great shape now, as you were 20 years ago? These are all things that attracted to us. So why do you think our wife is not attracted to us now?
Man’s mind
Your mind is the most important tool that you have. It’s what is needed for you to have a fulfilling relationship with your wife. It is also what you need to be a good dad for your kids. Your mind is tied to you. Yeah, so many of us men choose to not Exercise our minds at all. We would rather zone out on television games or anything else than continue to feed our minds. Men as soon as they graduate from high school cut their reading amount in half and then they continue to decrease as they go further in their education and college to where they cut down to almost 90% of the reading by the time they are out of school, we become smarter from the knowledge we receive in books, podcasts, lectures, and conferences. And yes, some of these cost money but others are free.
Most men learn the most from books. Knowledge has been passed down from generation to generation because of books. Yeah, ask people why they don’t read all I fall asleep if I start reading well yeah you will. If you tell yourself that enough do not fall asleep, watching television or watching a movie? Because the movie is shorter that can be some of it yeah but when you are reading, you can take that as a point of pride.
The interesting part about reading though is that you actually don’t need a book anymore or better term you don’t have to actually read the book anymore. You can have other people read the book to you. So you can grab the knowledge for whatever topic interests you. And consume it while you’re mowing the lawn why are you doing dishes folding towels or whatever another means of being able to learn some more is through podcasts like the one you’re listening to Other podcasts can help you in several fields that you like to know about. Some conferences are on topics that also write up your interest.
Becoming smarter, expanding your knowledge, and challenging your mind so that you don’t become fixed on just one style of thought. You will fall behind if you don’t keep your learning up you can’t find new ways to have stronger connections with your wife unless you have new knowledge you can share with her. Work on The Man's Mind Pillar and see how much of your world opens up.
Man’s Body
There’s a good chance that when you were 25 you’re in a lot better shape than you now as 35, 45, or even 55 years old. Now this can be because of a decrease in testosterone that we get as we age. It could also just be that our work has us sitting for 12 hours each day, and many times we don’t change our eating habits that we used to have when we were young dumb kids. This has gotten us into trouble because we have to be able to show our wives that we can protect them and we cant if we are out of shape. Many of us when we walk up a flight of five steps, and by the time we get there, we’re huffing and puffing through our mouths. How are we going to protect our loved ones when it comes to hand-to-hand combat?
We show our wife that we care about her and that we’re willing to stay around for the long haul when we have to have a healthy life. Now it doesn’t mean you have to go vegan. No, it doesn’t mean you have to go strictly carnivore, either. It means practicing moderation. Eat the right amount of meat. Eat the right amount of fruits and vegetables. Eat the right amount of grains. Drink plenty of water. Better if you abstain from smoking and drink alcohol in moderation too. You will live a healthier life if you are practicing moderation in every aspect.
If you don’t, then you wind up developing diabetes and you can’t stand on your own 2 feet when you’ve had one amputated so you have to take care of your body. so that you can’t take care of your wife and kids. You have to always work on the Man's Body Pillar for the benefit of those you care about.
Man’s Soul
What gets you out of bed in the morning? Is there something in your life that you cannot see yourself not doing?
You see we men need purpose. We need a sense of direction. These are the driving factors of what keep men, young, healthy, and vibrant. Men who work and take immense pride in what they do. Yet these same men shrivel up and pass away once they lose that sense of identity. Men live longer, healthier, happier, more fulfilled lives, when they have a wife, somebody they can protect and care for and nurture. Yet if a man lives longer than his wife. He will often end up passing within five years of her dying, because those men had their purpose. That man had his "why" and as soon as that "why" was taken from him there was no need to keep going on.
What is your sense of purpose? What is it that you like to do that you cannot stand to have anybody else getting your way of doing that? If you have one of those burning desires, that light will shine in attract other people to you that will shine and attract your wife to be closer to you, if you don’t have that why you become just a warm body with little to no life in them. So what is your purpose? If you don't know then that could very well be your purpose at the moment. FInd your purpose.
To draw people, like your wife, into your world having your soul shine as bright as possible means you want to feed your soul and that is what the man's soul pillar does.
Man's community
Quite possibly the most important pillar of a man’s life is a man's community pillar. How many friends do you have that you can turn to on a moment's notice? How many of those friends do you see on a daily and weekly basis? How many of these men do you know beyond being just a good friend?
Men need other men in their lives. To be able to refresh their masculinity they need other masculine men in their lives. Look at the men who you know that congregate at coffee shops, the old Dairy Queen, and the coffee cup cafés. These old men are often farmers, and meet regularly day in and day out. It may not seem like they’re talking about much other than the normal humdrum run of the day. Yet, what they’re doing for each other is ensuring that they bring home the masculine energy to their family. That masculine energy is positive and uplifting. It is caring, that men become frazzled beaten, and alone. Even if we do have a wife and kids, we cannot go without having other men in our lives.
Get honestly curious
One of the greatest ways that you can help build a connection with your wife doesn't involve long soliloquies about how she means the world to you. It doesn’t require you to stand up and profess your undying love for her. It involves lowly questions. That’s all. Ask simple questions about what your wife is saying.
Asking questions does two things, one it shows your wife that you’re paying attention. We all like to know that the person we’re talking to is actually paying attention to us. The best way to do that is to ask questions about what they are saying. Yes, this does mean we have to pay attention to what our wife is talking about. I will agree that sometimes she throws in a lot of details about stuff that we could care less about. However, if we want our wives to understand that we do care for her, those details are important to her. That is how she communicates by talking about the little details that happened in her day about the weird radioactive green candy wrapper that was stuck to the bottom of her shoe or talking about the person who was trying to put on their makeup in their car that almost ran her over, the makeup that she was using doesn’t match her complexion.
When your wife talks about particular problems, get details from her about it. Pay attention to what details she gives you. It shows you what’s important to her and helps you to come to understand your wife even more. Understanding and those questions will help bridge that connection together to be tighter, stronger, and more resilient than any other exercise you can do
Listen don’t fix
Now, guys, we are guilty of this, especially the nice guys. The nice guys can’t stand when our wife is feeling any emotion that causes us to feel uneasy. So if she’s upset, we’re gonna try to find ways to get her to stop being upset not because of her being upset, but because we don’t like the anxiety and the uncertainty that we feel because she is upset.
When we jump in awe and try to fix the problem, we’re not fixing the problem. We’re manipulating the circumstances. We're manipulating her emotions were manipulating not helping so you have to be good with your own emotions. Except that you’re going to feel uneasy, sad, anxious, angry or whatever it is that you feel. You may feel powerless, and you have to be OK with it. So that you can help your wife by listening.
That is the key to not fixing your wife. She just wants to be heard. She wants to hear what is happening in your life and she wants to have equal opportunity to share her life with you, when she feels like she has a good connection with you, her clothes will have a higher possibility of falling off for you. The sex comes from the fact that she can trust you emotionally. When she knows that her emotions are not going to cause you to tailspin into Mr. Fix-It mode, she will be happier to share her emotions with you. The more her emotions are shared with you the safer she feels with you. The safer she feels with you the more chances we get the intimacy that we want in our marriage.
Take action
Finally, after you’ve made your plans and you’ve decided what actions you want to take then it’s time for the hard part. This is the taking action you wanted. You wanna walk with your wife every day at 6 PM well be OK with missing the football game if it happens to be running at 6 PM, and be OK with missing the evening news. If you want to walk with your wife at 6 PM don’t try to compromise with yourself on anything other than what the action is. When you do that you fall out of integrity with your own self. Then that lack of integrity shows up in other parts of your life. Above all else to self be true and you have to be true to yourself. Are you truly OK with your wife being upset? If you want her to be emotionally trusting of you then yes you have to be OK with her being upset not rushing to fix the problem if you want her to be able to share her life with you, you have to share your life with her. You have to study. Good communication skills. If you don’t think you have good communication skills that’s where you incorporate the man’s mind pillar, you’re showing her that you are getting better and that you’re making an effort if you’re trying the more that you do the more of a connection you develop the more connection the better marriage.
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You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace.
Our Bodies are also like thatAre you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key.
Our projects are like that.Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome.
Our relationships are also like thatDo you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship?
We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world?
All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow.
LinksGet a New Podcast App
SummaryThe main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results.
The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling.
The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors.
The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships.
For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key.
The overarching solution is to put high-quality "inputs" or effort into the four pillars of life: body, mind, community, and soul. Our thoughts ultimately create our reality, so being mindful of our self-talk and inputs is crucial.
Brian offers his discounted one-on-one coaching services to help men identify their ideal dream life and make a plan to put in consistent inputs across the key life areas to ultimately get their desired outputs and results.
The main takeaway is that the quality of what we get out of our health, goals, and relationships is a direct reflection of the quality and quantity of what we put into those areas through our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and efforts. Applying this "you get what you give" principle is key to transforming one's life experience.
00:00:00 Introduction 00:03:42 The Three Spaces 00:07:35 Body and Mind 00:12:22 Nurturing Relationships 00:18:47 Input Equals Output 00:21:39 Putting in Effort 00:23:24 Closing Words
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With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift.
Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions. What is living with intention?
Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time.
But what if you don't know?
review your actions and make decisions Why we don't live with intention?
It's scary
We are responsible Where do you start?
Start by making a decisions
Then plan out how you are going to reach those results
Take action Take the Next Step
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Summary
The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are:
What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy.Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances.Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something.Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions.How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions.The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore.Catch the Show notes athttps://www.relaxedmale.com/the-power-of-living-life-intentionally/
Chapters(00:00:00) Introduction to The Relaxed Male
(00:02:18) The Power of Intention
(00:02:53) Understanding Intentionality in Life
(00:06:37) The Impact of Intention on Lifes Path
(00:07:43) Being Intentional as a Parent
(00:09:40) Consequences of Unintentional Actions
(00:14:31) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality
(00:16:59) Making Decisions for Intentional Living
If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
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In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome
The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder. Why does this happen?past disagreements
It is easier
Rejection free
How to rekindle the sparkKnow what the roommate syndrome is about.
Start with the end in mind
Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.
It starts with the small stuff
Rediscover the silly you
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SummaryHere is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:
The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.
He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.
The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:
Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list. Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem. Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.
Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.
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What does the world look like when you are curious
Why it is good to get curiousYou see more out there
You see what is possible
Better at problem-solving
You are more relatable
More creative
More Fulfilment
Strengthens relationshipsApplying those to your relationships
You understand your spouse or friend more
You learn and discover more
Curiosity helps you to connect even more
it deepens the intimacy with your spouse
Want to learn how to have more curiosity in your relationships then take the Next step?
SummaryThe main topic of this podcast episode is the importance of being curious in life, relationships, and personal growth. The host, Bryan, explains that having a curious mindset allows you to find more joy, happiness, and fulfillment.
He discusses how when we are young, we are naturally very curious about the world around us. As we get older, that innate curiosity tends to fade as we settle into routines and stop questioning things as much. However, maintaining a sense of curiosity is vital for several reasons:
Curiosity opens up new possibilities and helps spark creativity to solve problems in innovative ways, especially for entrepreneurs. Being curious makes you a better problem solver in all areas of life rather than just accepting "That's how we've always done it." Curiosity makes you more relatable and eager to learn from others. It shows you don't know everything. A curious mindset is a growth-oriented abundant mindset, whereas a lack of curiosity leads to a scarcity mindset of just holding on to what you have.The episode emphasizes how curiosity can greatly strengthen relationships, especially with your spouse/partner. Asking questions, being interested in her perspective/hobbies, and striving to understand why she does things a certain way builds intimacy and makes her feel heard and understood.
Practical tips are given like the "5 whys" approach to get to the root of someone's motivations by repeatedly asking "Why?" Curiosity about your partner's world helps create deeper connections. Even asking about topics you don't care about can make the other person feel you're a great conversationalist.
Overall, the host advises making a conscious effort to embrace curiosity by asking more questions, being open to learning, and examining the details of the world around you. This curiosity will lead to more fulfillment, stronger bonds, creative problem-solving, and personal growth.
00:00:00 The Power of Curiosity 00:01:47 Embracing Curiosity in Life 00:05:30 Challenging the Status Quo 00:07:28 Embracing Growth Through Curiosity 00:11:10 Curiosity vs. Scarcity Mindset 00:11:25 Strengthening Relationships Through Curiosity 00:11:46 Unveiling Relationship Dynamics with Curiosity 00:17:59 Building Strong Connections Through Curiosity
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After many years couples often find themselves in a strange predicament. The Sex and closeness fall off and people just sort of exist in the same house. There are lots of thoughts and interpretations of this. The decrease in intimacy has been a problem in marriage since marriages were implemented. Many today believe that the reason for the decrease in intimacy is the institution of marriage. That the very act of committing yourself to another person is why the fire dies down. It can be (See Roommate Syndrome) but it isn't the reason.
Why do intimacy challenges come up?We are human and we can't do anything without some type of emotion mixed in. We are just emotional beings. We are also creatures of habit. We do not want to rock the boat too much out of fear that we will be scorned in some way. We don't want to be kicked out of our village and lose all that we have worked so hard to gather. So why do we fall into roommate syndrome?
RoutineThe big reason is we find a routine that works for us. The wife likes her shows and you like yours so you go and watch TV in separate rooms. Instead of going out for a walk or doing something different.
Don't want to stir up emotionsDoing something new can cause people to feel different emotions.
Nice guy syndromeSorry nice guys but you strike again. Trying to control as much as you do causes people to not venture out into the fun areas of life. So we become bored.
A relationship can't survive without sex?Funny how this is often the go-to for why we need sex in our lives. Yet that isn't fully the case. yeah, it would be nice to get boned on a regular basis, but men often have a higher sex drive than women. So we often want to have sex far more often than our spouse would like to have it. So what do you do? That is why you are here.
Roommate SyndromeRoommate syndromes are when you have hit a plateau. You have found yourself and your spouse in a rut and this is a good place to be because it means it is time for you to grow.
You have a choiceNow it may seem as if we are struggling against an impossible wall but that is where our suffering is coming from our thoughts of the matter. We always have a choice. We can change and grow and become the people that lead our spouses out of mediocrity or we can let the marriage wither or we can just stay the same and hope that one of the people in the relationship doesn't venture out for some adventure with someone else.
Stay and find out how to growThe one choice I feel most people want is to stay with their spouse and find out how to become the partner their spouse needs in their life.
How to increase intimacyThere are many different ways we can increase intimacy. We first need to know what type of intimacy we are growing. Any intimacy is one thing but it does help to know what type you are aiming for. According to All Points North, there are 5 types of intimacy we want in our relationships.
Emotional intimacyThis is, how much emotional connection are you and your spouse willing to have? How willing are you to open up to your spouse about emotions? There are some thoughts as to how deep you need this to be for a good connection with your wife.
Spiritual IntimacyHow are you and your spouse sharing yall's religion? Many people like to say they are "spiritual" and that's fine but what is your belief and is your belief compatible with your spouse?
Intellectual IntimacyHow much curiosity is there about each other?
Social IntimacyHow much do you share in each other's interests?
Physical intimacyThis is what we men want most. but to get this you often need to do some other things to get here.
They want to feel emotionally safe and secure They want to feel trusted They have to trust their partner. Women are mental beings so their engines are started by you waving your ding-a-ling around. This is why women can't stand dick pics. Men, we love our penises but women don't. Start dating your girl againTime to go back into the old dating box in the back of your mental closet dust it off and start dating each other again.
Schedule sexIt may not seem as spontaneous but at the same time, it does create some habits that have long been lost. There have been couples that actually tried 365 days of sex. They came out of it with a stronger connection with their significant other.
Have a Strong Man's Community PillarTalk to other men and have a life outside of your marriage
Go back to Cheesy Romantic stuffYeah get romantic. Exercise that muscle.
FlowersStart giving flowers regularly. Even today's women still like flowers.
Love notesHow often do you leave love notes for your wife to find? that is too few. DO more.
Love textsSend a text to your wife at random times telling her how much she means to you and how happy you are. Might even throw a little saucy language in to spice the feeling up a little. Just no dick pics.
Drop the Mental FightsMany people have mental arguments with their spouses. If you do this stop. If you find yourself in that space let her win in your mind. This is about respect for your wife if you don't stop your lack of respect will show up in other ways that your wife will pick up.
Show GratitudeOne of the greatest ways to get out of the scarcity mindset of no sex is to just start being grateful for your spouse. Then tell them why you are grateful.
Be curiousRelearn who your wife is
or let the marriage fall apartThis is also a solution it may not be what you want but it is a solution also.
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SummaryIntimacy challenges that couples often face in long-term relationships. After the initial "honeymoon phase", issues like lack of sex, emotional distance, and falling into routines and "roommate syndrome" can arise.
He makes the point that while a relationship can survive without sex, most intimacy problems stem from negative thought patterns - making assumptions about the other person's feelings, not processing emotions healthily, and getting stuck in unfulfilling routines out of fear of disrupting the situation.
Goodwin identifies 5 types of intimacy that need nurturing: emotional, spiritual, intellectual, social, and physical. He suggests several ways to overcome roommate syndrome and reignite intimacy:
Date your partner again like when you were first together Schedule sex, try new things to rediscover sensuality Build a strong male social circle apart from your spouse Do romantic gestures - flowers, notes, surprises Stop having unproductive "mental fights" criticizing your partner Be curious about your partner's life, ask questions Express gratitude for small things your partner does Give 100% effort without expectation of reciprocationThe underlying message is that growth, discomfort and effort are required to sustain a thriving long-term intimate relationship. Sticking to routine out of fear often leads to dissatisfaction or the relationship falling apart entirely.
( 00:00 ) Intimacy Challenges ( 02:20 ) Relationship Struggles ( 09:40 ) Surviving Without Sex ( 12:32 ) Types of Intimacy ( 30:41 ) Overcoming Roommate Syndrome ( 34:10 )Ending Mental Fights ( 37:17 ) Showing Gratitude ( 39:29 ) Giving 100%, Expecting Zero
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Men struggle with strong meaningful connections. Many even struggle with just having a relationship. So many men today don't have close relationships or their relationships are just surface-level connections that don't fulfill the purpose of a relationship.
We men need relationships and yet we forsake our own needs for a plethora of reasons. So why do we need to have good strong relationships? Why can't we just hermitize ourselves and just be done with it?
Benefits of a good relationshipWhy are relationships needed? What makes the messy emotional events of having relationships with both men and women good for us?
Live longerThis is mainly for married men but when a man has friends who force him to get out of the house and go do things. These men live longer and more fulfilled because they have a relationship with both men and women.
Men who are isolated have stronger suicide tendenciesSadly many men do end their lives because they have isolated themselves. In fact a guy who starts to isolate needs strong relationships more than ever.
HappierWhy do men actually long for relationships.
Relationships with womenIt helps them see life as an adventure
Three desires of a man He wants a battle to fight. He dreams of adventure. He longs for a beauty to rescueWe love to care
We Love to be cared for
We do like the input from women
Men seek specifics in their relationships and often don't find them
Praise and approval Respect Connection Space Security Physical Touch Relationships with other menA means to be pushed to be better
others to learn from
A refill of their masculine energy
Men need to have a connection with those around them
Why do men not have as many friends as they could have?Many men don't have close friends at all
Sadly many men have stopped trying or using the internet as a cheap knockoff connection
They lost their girl's challenge.
Coaching Offer
SummaryIntroduction
Bryan Goodwin hosts The Relaxed Male podcast, aimed at helping men remove the "nice guy" mindset and live life on their own terms. This episode (#221) focuses on the importance of relationships for men. Why Relationships are Important for Men
Men struggle with relationships - romantic partners, family, friends, coworkers etc. Some men avoid relationships altogether through movements like "men going their own way." However, strong relationships provide several key benefits for men: Longevity Married men tend to live longer than single men, especially if the marriage is a strong, connected one. When a wife passes away, the widowed husband often dies soon after of "a broken heart." Lower Suicide Risk Men with solid relationships have lower tendencies towards suicide compared to isolated men. Friends will notice if a man starts withdrawing and pull him back out. Happiness Overall, married men report being happier than single men. Having masculine friendships pushes men to get out, try new activities and adventures they wouldn't alone. Benefits Men Seek in Relationships
Words of affirmation/praise Respect Connection/security Physical touch (both platonic and romantic) Men are often the "romantics" craving spice from their wives Importance of Male Friendships
Allow men to be their full, uninhibited selves Provide positive masculine energy that balances feminine energy from romantic partners Men learn from each other and push each other to grow Having a tight community of male friends is crucial Challenges to Building/Maintaining Friendships
Many men lack close friendships - estimates of 15% having no close friends Online friendships are not a full substitute for in-person connection Romantic partners sometimes pressure men to drop male friends Men must be willing to stand up to this "test" from partners to keep respected friendships Bryan's Plug for Coaching Services
For men wanting to improve their relationships (romantic or platonic) 3-month coaching package to change perspectives on relationships Connect with Bryan through the website to take advantage of a discounted offer Overall, the episode argues that all kinds of relationships - romantic, family, friendships - are vital for men's mental health, life satisfaction, personal growth, and even longevity. Building a strong community of male friends is particularly emphasized.
( 00:00 ) Introduction to The Relaxed Male ( 00:32 ) The Importance of Relationships ( 06:48 ) Benefits of Strong Relationships ( 11:22 ) Specific Benefits for Men ( 18:29 ) The Importance of Male Friendships ( 24:05 ) The Role of Community in Men's Lives
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Why do we get participation trophies?
Easy bump of Satisfaction
Empty victory
How are you giving yourself participation trophies?
Staying busy for the sake of busy or are you actually taking steps to go forward?
Finding other things to do than what needs to be done.
Buffering
Example watching porn is you taking the participation prixe instead of actually building the connection withyour wife so that you have that much wanted intamacy.
How are you taking the participation trophies of life? How are you going to stop? let me know in the comments section below.
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SummaryThe episode argues that many people, especially men, settle for metaphorical "participation trophies" in their relationships instead of putting in the hard work required for a truly fulfilling relationship. Just like kids getting participation trophies in sports for merely showing up, adults give themselves participation trophies in relationships by engaging in avoidance behaviors and buffering techniques like drinking, watching porn, playing video games, etc. instead of doing the emotional labor to build intimacy.
The host says these participation trophies in relationships provide an "empty victory" and hollow satisfaction, preventing true growth. For example, watching porn is the participation trophy instead of putting in effort to foster emotional and sexual intimacy with one's partner. Drinking after a hard day is the participation trophy instead of having a real discussion about issues with a spouse.
The host urges men to stop settling for these relationship participation trophies. Instead, put in the work like pursuing personal growth, having vulnerable conversations, doing activities to nurture the relationship, etc. - which leads to the true "win" of a rich, fulfilling partnership. Giving up the participation trophy mindset and buffering behaviors is hard, but necessary to achieve relationship success beyond just going through the motions.
00:00:00 The Impact of Participation Trophies 00:11:31 Striving for Success Beyond Participation Trophies 00:16:27 Taking Action to Remove Participation Trophies
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Why do we appear to turn to pain
Why do we put ourselves through these ordeals?
We overeat Face hangovers WithdrawalsWe would rather face pain than Find satisfaction
Why do we want more pain in our lives?Pain is a better motivator than pleasure.
It is too scary to avoid the pain
scarcity in our lives
Not being intentional
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SummaryIn this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host delves into the intriguing topic of pain and its role as a motivator in life. Pain seems to have a paradoxical effect on humans, both repelling and attracting us. From childhood, we are drawn to experiences that involve pain, whether it's testing our physical limits or seeking thrills. As we grow older, our relationship with pain becomes more complex, as we navigate the fine line between seeking pleasure and avoiding discomfort.
The discussion reflects on how individuals often choose to endure familiar pain rather than face the unknown challenges that could lead to fulfillment. This avoidance of necessary discomfort can manifest in various ways, such as overeating, substance abuse, or failing to take proactive steps toward personal and professional growth. The speaker emphasizes the importance of confronting fears and stepping out of comfort zones to achieve true fulfillment in life.
The conversation touches on the concept of a scarcity mindset and how it can drive individuals to seek temporary pleasures that ultimately result in greater pain. By reframing perspectives and adopting intentional actions, one can break free from self-imposed limitations and unlock a realm of possibilities. The speaker illustrates the power of shifting mindset towards gratitude, abundance, and proactive decision-making in order to pursue meaningful relationships and personal growth.
Through candid self-reflection, the host acknowledges his own struggles with stepping into discomfort, particularly in the realm of professional endeavors. The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to embark on a journey of self-discovery and growth by reaching out for coaching support. By embracing challenges, facing fears, and embracing discomfort, individuals can pave the way toward a more fulfilling and empowered existence.
00:00:00 Introduction 00:04:53 Facing Overeating 00:11:41 Freedom from Discomfort 00:18:20 Seeking Fulfillment 00:20:10 Embracing Discomfort
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Never stop learning
Read
listen to podcasts
Try new things
Follow your curiosity
Get out and enjoy the fresh air Go on a quest to find your purposeDo something scary
Find a group of noble men to hang out withPorn is not your friend
DatingWhen it comes to dating know what type of girl you want in your life. Yeah, there are the physical attributes but what character traits do you want in your wife?
Date with the purpose of marriage
Don't rush take a year to get to know her and then a year for the engagement. During this time Do some couples counseling and find out what she expects in marriage and share what you expect in marriage. Find out what each of you are going to bring to the table. Have some hard nos in place but also know when to be lenient on your standards. You aren't going to find the perfect woman.
Look out for girls that are damsels in distress because you get a distressed damsel. You don't want a woman that you are always rescuing.
Understand what respect is and does she actually respect you?
What are your values? What are her values? are they compatible?
Is she stable when she is upset or is she throwing temper tantrums?
Does she have daddy issues?
Is she talking about her ex's all the time
How does she treat her parents in general
How much responsibility does she take?
How quickly is she saying she loves you?
How are your friends and family responding to her?
Are there double standards?
Tries to separate you from your male friends?
Tries to separate you from your family
Talking about other people's secrets
Has mental health issues
Always in panic mode
Take me up on a Special Coaching Offer - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer
SummaryIn this episode, I delve into the message for young men, aiming to provide guidance on navigating life's challenges and relationships. I emphasize the importance of intentional living and setting clear goals to achieve success. It's crucial for men to establish standards and values when it comes to relationships, understanding red flags to watch out for in potential partners. I discuss the significance of finding a compatible partner who aligns with your core values, respects you, and shares mutual goals. I highlight the impact of mental health issues in relationships, urging caution and advocating for healthy dynamics. Additionally, I touch on the dynamic of separateness from friends and family, emphasizing the need to preserve these relationships amidst romantic involvements. Furthermore, I address the role of physical attraction in relationships, while highlighting the underlying importance of shared values and respect in fostering a strong connection. I caution against falling into the trap of rescuing a damsel in distress, emphasizing the need for partnership based on mutual support and stability. I also stress the need for intentional dating, prioritizing meaningful connections over physical attraction. Ultimately, I encourage young men to approach relationships with intentionality, setting clear standards and boundaries to ensure healthy and fulfilling partnerships. By prioritizing respect, open communication, and shared values, men can cultivate strong, lasting relationships that contribute positively to their lives. Thank you for listening, and remember to share this valuable insight with others who may benefit.
00:00:00 Introduction to The Relaxed Male 00:02:45 The Unique Challenges Men Face 00:07:44 Continuous Learning and Growth 00:12:13 Misconceptions About Men in Society 00:13:27 Finding Your Purpose and Facing Fears 00:18:58 The Importance of Intentional Relationships 00:22:25 Choosing the Right Partner for Marriage 00:25:18 Taking Time to Know Your Partner 00:27:27 Planning for a Successful Future Together 00:31:36 Building a Strong Foundation in Relationships 00:39:46 Key Red Flags in a Potential Partner 00:43:50 Seeking Clarity and Guidance in Relationships 00:45:18 Special Coaching Offer for Personal Growth
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This is a special Message for girls who are 12 and up
You have the powerYou have always had power in a relationship
you have a purposeYou just have to find it.
Dont do what society saysSociety wants to tell you that a powerful woman sleeps with many men
No, you have more power than that. Yes you can manipulate men with your breasts and what is between your legs but that is cheating yourself
You are not held back by some all-scary patriarchy. First look at what a patriarch is, It is the oldest man in the family, ie your grandfather. If you are being held back by anything it is by your own thoughts.
Men find you sexier and more attractive when you dress up with a bit of modesty.
Wearing revealing clothes just makes you look easy when you are single. Yes, you can appear more sexy when worn from time to time. but that only fully works when you are married and you and your husband are out at a social event.
You have more power over men than feminists want to admit. You ask nicely and men will crawl across a desert of broken glass just to give you refreshing iced tea.
You do have to bring something a relationship what is it? Yes, we men are easy, just show us boobs and hand us a sandwich and we are generally happy creatures for the most part. Yet there is more. Men will work themselves to the bone for their woman but they want something for their efforts.
But we want our women to push us. to encourage us on our adventures. We want our beauties by our sides.
Do your damnedest to stay sexually pure. this is for your enjoyment as much as your husband. when you sleep with a guy outside of marriage you sadly cheapen yourself and at the same time, you rob your future husband of a fuller richer connection. Because we do take sex to mean more than just a quick release. Sex has a bigger meaning for men. It is how we see our worth. Is our wife willing to have sex with us after we have worked long and hard slaying dragons? No? then what is wrong with us? How and where did we men fail?
Understand that men do have emotionsMen do share their emotions. They just don't share them as women do.
We need other men around.with out other men we lose the masculinity we need in our life
Don't try to fix men.You will wonder where the man you fell in love with went.
SummaryIn this episode, I address young women, from ages 12 to about 30, and discuss the challenges they face in finding a good partner in today's society. I emphasize the power that women already possess, contrary to societal messages that may suggest otherwise.
I highlight the importance of maintaining purity before marriage and the value it brings to a relationship. Additionally, I delve into the emotional aspects of men, the significance of male friendships, and the creation of value in relationships. I stress the role of personal growth and the importance of making choices that enhance one's value and contribute positively to relationships.
By challenging societal norms and encouraging individual empowerment, I aim to guide young women towards building fulfilling and successful partnerships in their lives.
00:00:00 Empowering Young Women 00:01:02 A Message for the Women 00:01:32 Addressing the Struggles 00:02:50 Finding Valuable Men 00:03:37 Sensitivity and Uncomfortable Truths 00:04:06 Embracing Your Power 00:04:29 Debunking Myths and Stereotypes 00:07:07 Decisiveness and Differences in Approach 00:07:57 Harnessing Your Power 00:09:06 The Value of Modesty 00:11:28 Understanding Men's Emotions 00:12:38 Importance of Quality Male Friendships 00:13:33 Building a Strong Relationship 00:16:30 Cherishing Your Identity 00:20:24 The Beauty of Sexual Purity 00:21:34 Emotional Expression in Men 00:24:15 The Weight of Sexual Choices 00:26:46 Importance of Mutual Respect 00:28:18 Impact of Social Circles 00:29:47 Learning from Mistakes 00:30:32 Contribution to Relationship Value 00:31:01 Investing in Future Relationships
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When it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we simply don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more.
Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you.
Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work?These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave.
Assuming Good Intentionsthe person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today.
Dont say You're wrongEven if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong
Ask QuestionsSee to understand before being understood
Dont Be a VictimYou lose all respect and connections that way
SummaryWhen it comes to talking to each other we often get so much wrong. It isn't because we don't care or don't want to be heard but we don't know how to communicate effectively. Our ability to open good solid channels of communication lags behind our ability to talk. The hang-up is the habits we have created when we were growing up. Our thoughts of what the other person is saying. We believe that emotions happen to us and so when someone says something that isn't nice and doesn't feel good, we stop communicating and that is when we actually need to lean in and communicate even more.
Tony Overbay at the Virtual Couch Podcast often talks about his 4 pillars of effective communication and I still don't have a fully solid grasp on them but I see the benefits enough to want to share these pillars with you.
Assuming good intentions Don't send the message of "you're wrong" or "I don't believe you," EVEN IF you think the other person is wrong, or you don't believe them Ask questions BEFORE making comments Stay present, lean in, and do all that you can to stay out of "victim mode." So how do THESE 4 pillars of effective communication work?These 4 pillars are different than The 4 pillars of a Relaxed Male these help you to build a better platform of being able to be heard and understood. All while helping you and those close to you to build the much-needed connection that you crave.
Assuming Good Intentionsthe person you are talking to didn't wake up and say they want to make your life hard today.
Dont say You're wrongEven if they are, don't shut the connection off by saying they are wrong
Ask QuestionsSee to understand before being understood
Dont Be a VictimYou lose all respect and connections that way
SummaryIn this episode, Bryan, the host of The Relaxed Male, discusses the importance of effective communication in relationships. He expresses gratitude for the growing number of listeners and their support in sharing the show with others. Bryan acknowledges the struggle of wondering if anyone is listening but finds encouragement in hearing from men around the world. Bryan explains that the lack of communication often stems from not following certain rules or pillars. He introduces the four pillars of effective communication, as explained by Tony Overbay.
These pillars include assuming good intentions, not starting off with "you're wrong," asking questions, and not playing the victim. Bryan emphasizes the importance of following these rules to improve communication with spouses, children, bosses, or anyone else. However, Bryan explains that he himself sometimes fails to follow these pillars.
He admits to not fully listening to his spouse and often having other thoughts in his head. He shares that his spouse often expresses frustration about certain things, and they end up blaming each other, building a wall that hinders effective communication. Bryan further discusses the fourth pillar of good communication, which is not playing the victim. He explains that it's important to ask questions and find solutions instead of trying to coach his wife, as she sees it as "Zen Buddha bullshit."
By asking questions, Bryan believes that they can understand each other better and avoid conflicts. He emphasizes that yelling and preaching only result in nobody listening. Moving on, Bryan delves into the importance of effective communication in relationships. He emphasizes that when we break the rules of engagement out of frustration, we actually lose the battle and create distance between ourselves and our partner. A lack of understanding can lead to a lack of respect, so it's crucial to ask questions and seek clarity.
Bryan encourages listeners to approach conversations with curiosity and to avoid playing the victim. Instead, he suggests standing up for oneself, taking care of one's own needs, and making changes in communication tactics. He concludes by inviting listeners to share the podcast with others and offering a special coaching package to those interested in improving their communication with their partners. He encourages listeners to take action and looks forward to discussing another great topic in the next episode.
00:00:00 Rules of engagement for effective communication 00:01:02 Effective communication makes you the go-to person 00:02:11 Growing audience and the power of effective communication 00:09:32 Effective Communication: Understanding Frustration and Assumptions 00:12:05 The Importance of Active Listening and Avoiding Blame 00:15:00 Asking Curious Questions to Improve Understanding and Resolve Conflict 00:18:38 The Importance of Effective Communication in Relationships 00:20:01 Avoiding Disrespect and Playing the Victim in Conversations 00:22:38 Take Action to Improve Communication and Change Your Life
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I can't because of my Flaws, limitations, confines, distortions, scars, imperfections, or irregularities
So many in society want to help you be OK with your flaw by helping you fight for that flaw.
We turn to being a victim of our flaws instead of bettering ourselves because of it.
Yet there are a few good powerful questions you could ask yourself.
What does this make possible? What can I learn from this limitation? Common Disabilities ADHD - Seen as you not being able to concentrate Introvert Dipsomania Anxiety autism Why does that flaw hold you back?Your thoughts about the flaw is why it is holding you back. there are plenty of blind people who write books. There are deaf people who record podcasts. Stevie Wonder is blind but plays the piano. Addicts drop their compulsions every day. You don't have to be held back, yet you are why?
Why do you want that flaw to Hold You Back?It serves you by helping you to feel safe. It doesn't help you get to your next level but helps you play the victim. Your mind helps you to play small instead of going big. Why? because it believes you are safer if you stay at home and don't venture out.
You can see it as a flaw or a superpower
Is it holding you back or is it the reason you are going to be great?
Maybe it is the obstacle that you need to overcome to be the best.
SummaryIn this episode of The Relaxed Male, we explore the concept of celebrating our flaws and overcoming barriers to achieve our goals. The host introduces the topic and explains the purpose of the show in helping men remove their "nice guy" personas and live life on their own terms. The focus is on assisting men facing challenges such as divorce, job loss, or daily struggles.
Moving into the main discussion, we tackle the perception of flaws and why we tend to view them as reasons for failure. Challenging this perspective, we encourage listeners to see their problems as potential solutions. Gratitude is expressed towards the audience, including new listeners, and positive interaction with a gentleman from Bangladesh who found inspiration from the show is shared.
The importance of celebrating flaws and debunking the notion of embracing limitations is explored, with examples like physical disabilities highlighted to challenge the idea that limitations hold us back. The episode delves further into how limitations can be seen as obstacles that we can overcome.
The inspirational story of Oscar Pistorius, known as Blade Runner, breaking records despite not having legs is used as an example.
Asking the question, "What does this make possible?" when faced with problems or barriers is emphasized as a powerful tool.
The discussion then shifts to reframing certain flaws or conditions, such as ADHD, as superpowers rather than limitations. Societal norms that label ADHD as a limitation are questioned, with the perspective that it can be a valuable asset, especially in areas like entrepreneurship or multitasking. The overall message is to challenge the stories we tell ourselves about our limitations and embrace them as opportunities for growth. The podcast also explores the topic of introversion and how it should not be used as an excuse to avoid socializing. The increasing disconnect in our society is highlighted, with introversion being seen as a mindset that can be changed.
Similarly, alcoholism and anxiety are both discussed as choices and normal responses, respectively, rather than limitations. The importance of facing anxieties and self-doubt head-on is emphasized. The notion of worrying about what others may be saying about us is also challenged, with the idea that negative talk can be seen as a positive influence we have on others. Autism is mentioned as a topic often talked down about, but the episode encourages embracing differences and uniquely viewing the world. It is emphasized that a diagnosis or being part of a specific group is not necessary and that individuals should focus on overcoming obstacles in their way. Success stories of individuals with autism, like Temple Grandin, are highlighted as proof that a so-called "flaw" doesn't have to hold us back.
The speaker reflects on personal struggles with smoking and the decision to quit, sharing physiological issues and the lingering desire for a cigarette at times. It is emphasized that flaws and compulsions are just thoughts and circumstances that can be overcome through mindfulness and finding reasons to hold attention. Dedication and not allowing flaws to hold us back are key themes reiterated by the speaker.
The speaker explores historical obstacles faced by black doctors and how they had to overcome them to prove their abilities. Listeners are urged to take control of their own power and influence in their lives, rather than resorting to destructive actions. The idea that flaws can either be destructive or become strengths, depending on how they are perceived, is reinforced. The speaker encourages listeners to see obstacles as opportunities and decide if they truly want to change in order to achieve their dreams.
The episode concludes with a coaching offer exclusively for podcast listeners, providing an opportunity for one-on-one work with the host to gain confidence and find passion in life.
00:00:00 Introduction to celebrating flaws and barriers 00:03:43 The podcast is gaining momentum and reaching new listeners 00:07:00 Overcoming limitations by asking empowering questions 00:09:52 Boys vs Girls in Learning Styles 00:13:29 Introversion as an Excuse and Overcoming Limitations 00:15:28 Alcoholism as a Coping Mechanism and Perception of Disease 00:17:51 Uncertainty of gossip and assumptions about oneself 00:22:08 Challenging misconceptions and celebrating achievements despite flaws 00:25:38 Understanding and harnessing the strengths of ADHD 00:27:12 Black Doctors and Overcoming Obstacles 00:28:36 Using Flaws as Superpowers and Creating Change 00:30:08 Overcoming Obstacles to Achieve Dreams
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Many times we experience the circumstances that are other people's emotions. We people have emotional breakdowns at times. We often get ourselves into trouble for things we have no control over or any effect on if we try to change it. We often will get ourselves into more trouble if we try to change the other person's emotions.
What is an emotion?
Many people want us to use their manual on how to behave around them, and that works at times but people don't like to be manipulated all the time.
What do we make other people's emotions mean?
The truth of those emotions
So we aren't supposed to care about how other people feel?
No, but we put way too much stock in what we believe those emotions mean.
In this conversation, we discuss the universal nature of emotions and how people tend to put their emotions on display, which can lead to reactions from others. We introduce ourselves as Brian, a certified men's coach who helps men navigate through life challenges and become better leaders. We talk about the purpose of the show and express gratitude for the listeners. We also encourage listeners to share the show with others. We then dive into the topic of other people's emotions and how it can be a struggle, using the example of a wife getting angry. We explain the concept of the model, which involves examining the circumstances, thoughts, and emotions in a situation. We provide various emotions that could arise from a door-slamming incident and conclude by questioning the definition of a "slam."
Next, I talk about how emotions are subjective and can often be misunderstood. I share a personal example of how my passionate speaking style can be misconstrued as yelling by my wife. I emphasize that most of the time, a person's anger or emotions have nothing to do with us and are a result of their thoughts. I discuss the model of circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results, explaining how our thoughts create our emotions, which in turn lead to our actions and results. I highlight the problem of non-digital thinking, where we try to avoid certain emotions and end up causing more problems. I emphasize the importance of understanding and examining our emotions without resistance, even the negative ones like jealousy, to better understand ourselves.
We then discuss how emotions are often displayed through our actions and body language. For example, when we're angry, we may scowl or sulk in a corner. Inaction is also a form of action, like not addressing a problem because of anger. Emotions can be challenging to control, which is why some people want a manual to help them feel better. However, others don't really care about our emotional state. People may rebel against others trying to manipulate their emotions through manuals. The issue arises when we attach meaning to other people's emotions. For example, if we see someone having a meltdown, we may interpret it as them being angry because they didn't get their own way. Sometimes, people's true emotions come out when they're drunk. This is when masks come off, and they may exhibit unpleasant emotions. Many people shy away from others displaying negative emotions, but we often try to fix the problem when it involves our loved ones' emotions.
It's about being fully engaged in the present moment and noticing the thoughts that arise in our minds. When someone else's emotions trigger a reaction in us, it's important to recognize that their emotions are their own and not something we can control. We may interpret their actions as a reason to get angry or upset, but it's essential to be aware of our own thoughts and emotions at that moment. For example, I share a personal anecdote about interpreting my wife's sigh during an intimate moment as a sign of disinterest, which affected my own arousal. I later realized that her sigh may have been a momentary shift in her thoughts and not a reflection of her feelings toward me. I suggest that many men, particularly from my generation, struggle with porn-induced erectile dysfunction due to a lack of intentional focus on their thoughts. To overcome this, I emphasize the importance of being present with our bodies, paying attention to sensations and emotions, and letting go of unhelpful thoughts. I conclude that by practicing mindfulness and staying focused on the present, we can better understand our own reactions and choose how we respond to others' actions and emotions.
When we pay attention and are intentional with our thoughts and emotions, we have more pleasant interactions with people. We can sit with and examine our unpleasant emotions and understand why they are not as scary as they seem. Emotions originate from thoughts and we have a wide range of emotions that make us human. We don't have to let other people's emotions control us, as we have the power to control our own emotions. It's important to understand and control our own emotions before trying to understand and respond to others. Taking the time to acknowledge our emotions and apologize for any wrongs can lead to better connections and understanding with others. We should be intentional with our actions and not use distractions, like playing video games, to avoid unpleasant emotions.
At the beginning of the conversation, we expressed the importance of paying bills, even though it is not necessary. We mention that we and our spouse have discussed the issue and resolved it by voicing our concerns. We advise listeners to step away from heated arguments and take time to cool down and regain control of their thoughts. We emphasize the importance of intentional and effective communication for a better relationship. If listeners need assistance, we suggest setting up a consulting call with us. We explain that becoming a differentiated person, living as individuals while enjoying each other's company, can lead to a better life and relationship. We humorously mention the need for acceptance of each other's flaws. We offer a special coaching opportunity and encourage listeners to visit a specific website for details. This coaching package is currently free, but we mention that the price will increase for future participants. We also mention the importance of sharing the podcast and being part of the growing community. We end with gratitude and encourage listeners to take action.
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The Correlation of the withdrawal of dads and The Lack of masculinity
In the US, divorce rates more than doubled from 2.2 per 1,000 in 1960 to over 5 per 1,000 in the 1980s.
Marriages are decreasingLack of dads and the increase of anxiety-ridden children
Great Society - 1964
The government started taking the place of Fathers in the household and the marriage rates started to decrease in the 80's around 20 years for the new generation to start having kids.
Dad's the Disciplinarian
Dads the Mentor
Dad baggage
linkshttps://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322877#Is-anxiety-increasing-in-the-U.S.?
For instance, a meta-analysis published in 2010 took data from studies that included over 77,000 young people; the scientists found generational increases in mental health issues in 1938–2007.
https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/marriage_rate_2018/marriage_rate_2018.htm
Increase anxiety and depression
SummaryIn this episode of The Relaxed Male, the host, Bryan Goodwin, discusses the crucial role that dads play in their children's mental well-being. He addresses the issue of dads being overlooked in the parenting process and the favoring of mothers in the court system. While recognizing the importance of moms, Brian emphasizes the need for dads to be actively present in their children's lives. Brian challenges common arguments against father involvement and highlights the benefits of having both parents actively participate in raising a child. He also delves into the historical context, discussing how social welfare programs have impacted marriage rates and subsequently led to a decline in mental health. The main speaker then shifts the focus to concerns about the mental well-being of younger generations, particularly millennials and Gen Z.
They reference an article from Business Insider that raises alarm about Gen Zers bringing their parents to job interviews, suggesting a lack of independence and fortitude among this generation. Bryan argues that society lacks involved fathers, not just married men, but fathers who feel excluded or unwanted by women. They assert that this lack of father involvement contributes to the increase in mental health problems. While acknowledging that women can raise good kids without a dad, they emphasize the importance of having a father figure in a child's life. The roles of a father as a disciplinarian and provider of roughhousing play are highlighted as crucial for teaching restraint and discipline. Bryan criticizes the degradation of the role of dads in society, attributing it to the rise of toxic masculinity as a concept. They assert that toxic masculinity is not synonymous with masculinity itself but rather the absence of proper masculinity. The speaker believes that boys require male role models to learn what it truly means to be masculine.
Addressing the issue of homelessness, Bryan argues that the absence of fathers in homes contributes to the problem. They suggest that living outside the city can be a more affordable option despite additional commuting costs. The speaker contends that homelessness has become comfortable for some individuals due to society's sympathies, emphasizing the need for discipline and mentorship from fathers. The importance of mentorship is further emphasized, as Bryan suggests that fathers should transition into becoming mentors for their children from the age of 13. Concern is expressed over the increasing number of girls identifying as boys and vice versa, with the speaker emphasizing the unique challenges faced by individuals of both genders.
In the podcast, Bryan also discusses how kids are becoming more susceptible to manipulation and coercion, resulting in irreversible harm. They highlight the importance of waking up to these issues and taking action to protect children from the woke agenda. Taking funds away from schools is presented as an effective way to change teaching approaches, and the failed voucher program in Oklahoma is mentioned as an example.
Bryan encourages dads to fight for their children and make sacrifices to be closer to them. They challenge the idea of being just an employee and suggest taking on bigger projects to generate income. The speaker offers a coaching package to help dads be better men and mentors for their children, with limited availability and a discounted price mentioned. The podcast concludes with Bryan providing contact information and encouraging listeners to reach out for assistance if needed.
00:00:00 The Importance of Dads for Kids' Mental Health 00:01:44 The Role of Dads and Moms in Raising Children 00:04:15 Dad's Role in Mentally Healthy Kids 00:11:35 Roughhousing and Disciplinarians: The Role of Fathers 00:13:20 The Decline of Fatherhood since the 1960s 00:14:47 Homelessness, Choices, and Mentorship 00:21:42 The Importance of Dads in Schools 00:23:42 Taking Control of Your Life and Being There for Your Kids 00:25:11 Mentoring Children for Success and Confidence
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I just got off of a 7 day fast of no food or sugar. All I allowed myself was Water, Coffee, and salt. And today I wanted to share what I learned from that experience
Why?What many people think fasting is
What I experienced
My reasons for trying a fast isI wanted to challenge myself. no diet reason No protest reason. no religious reason. Just wanted to see what it was like to fast for 7 days.
I wanted to see what my thoughts when in that type of hardship was. I didn't focus on food but I noticed fast food signs everywhere.
day 1just hungry
Day 2-3Hungry at times But also noticed darker urine and no need to go poo
the internet says that I wasn't getting enough water despite drinking 3 gallons of water in those two days alone
Day 4-5the hunger is still there from time to time along with the darker urine but it was beginning to lighten up to a bright yellow
Oily stool
Day 6-7On normal enough days, nothing exciting happened. I was even able to go get my wife some food and not be tempted
But I also went shopping and I could smell the food everywhere. Even the rotisserie chicken from across wal-mart.
ResultsI showed myself that I could do hard things and this one didn't do the wear that the 22km walk did back in 2022. I do have worries that I may have slowed my metabolism down a bit but that is my biggest worry
SummaryIn this episode of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of challenging ourselves and the importance of embracing hardships. As the host of the show, I have a deep understanding of the struggles men face in their everyday lives, whether it be divorce, work-related issues, or family troubles. I am committed to helping men find the courage and confidence to relax and enjoy life to the fullest. We begin by discussing the need to push ourselves and do hard things, as our modern lifestyles have made us comfortable. Our ancestors faced regular hardships and challenges, such as the Great Depression, which forced them to adjust to difficult circumstances. It is time for us to adopt the same mindset and embrace challenges. We recognize that our eating habits have shifted from consuming food for sustenance to seeking comfort, which has contributed to the obesity problem we face today.
To challenge this mentality, I recently embarked on a seven-day fast and completed a physically demanding challenge of carrying 22 pounds on my back while walking 22 kilometers. Although I faced difficulties during the journey, pushing my limits has always been something I enjoy. While there have been failures along the way, such as attempting a long bike ride, I have learned to recognize when something is beyond my capabilities. After completing the walking challenge, I realized that I had been neglecting other areas of my life, such as taking care of my house. This lack of fulfillment led me to understand the importance of pushing myself further.
During the seven-day fast, I had to navigate through various physical and mental challenges. Hunger was to be expected, but it was manageable. With increased water consumption and proper electrolyte balance, I was able to sustain myself. As the days progressed, I faced temptations in truck stops and grocery stores, with enticing aromas constantly surrounding me. However, I remained focused on my fasting journey and resisted the urge to give in to these temptations.
Throughout the fast, I became more mindful of my food cravings and worked to change unhealthy eating habits. I introduced healthier snack options and limited my indulgences. On the sixth and seventh days, I allowed myself a reward of cherry vanilla ice cream, acknowledging the need for balance. Beyond the physical challenges, I also focused on my thoughts and mindset during the fast. I realized that many of my thoughts revolved around food cravings and potential moments of self-pity.
Dark humor among friends became a coping mechanism during this time, allowing me to navigate the tough moments. In conclusion, challenging ourselves and embracing hardships is crucial for personal growth and development.
Whether it is a fast, a physically demanding task, or any other challenging activity, stepping out of our comfort zones is essential. I encourage listeners to seek out these opportunities and appreciate the good things in life that come as a result. As a token of gratitude, I offer a free coaching opportunity and provide guidance on how to sign up. Let's all strive to push ourselves and become better versions of ourselves.
00:00:00 Introducing the challenge and its significance 00:02:49 Reflection on the show's progress and personal challenge undertaken 00:04:36 An anecdote about the host's great-grandfather's resilience 00:08:11 The relationship between comfort eating and lack of challenges 00:10:09 Challenging Myself: Adventures and Bike Rides 00:11:40 From Bike Rides to Car Rides: Lessons Learned 00:13:36 The Experience of Fasting for Seven Days 00:19:03 Tempted by the Aromas of a Truck Stop 00:22:27 Grocery Shopping Temptations and Snack Selections 00:27:52 The Importance of Paying Attention to Your Thoughts 00:32:00 Embracing Discomfort and Overcoming Challenges 00:34:48 The Benefits of Taking on Challenges in Life
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What is buffering? The avoidance of thoughts and emotions So we have a reason to not try Why do we buffer? So we do not have to face the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions we have Our mind's way of helping us stay small and not be noticed
We like to look to the past for reasons to not go forward.
We let the past hold us back from the success we could have.
Ways we buffer Phrases I have never done this before That is how everyone else has done it before I have seen this before The Old days were better Talking about the past or nostalgia You won't let go of GrudgesLinks Mentioned
36 Questions
Take The Next Step
In episode 211 of The Relaxed Male, we delve into the topic of how the past can hold us back and discuss the concept of buffering. Buffering refers to the act of avoiding thoughts and emotions by distracting ourselves with other activities. Unfortunately, many of these activities are unhealthy habits such as excessive shopping, video games, or pornography. Engaging in buffering behaviors prevents us from facing our problems head-on and hinders our personal growth and progress in life. To move forward, we must overcome our fear of discomfort and embrace new experiences, much like when we were learning to walk or ride a bike. By examining our thoughts and breaking down our problems, we can conquer buffering and achieve our goals. During this part of the podcast, I emphasize the importance of not allowing past experiences to hold us back from trying new things.
To illustrate this point, I share a personal anecdote about learning to ride a bike and how I had to face challenges and make mistakes to eventually succeed. I highlight the significance of understanding our partners' preferences and energy in relationships, using the example of pet names. I stress the need for open communication and adapting our approach to better connect with our partners. Additionally, I discuss the significance of having realistic expectations when rekindling long-term relationships. We all strive for deeper connections with one another. It's not about constantly being at odds, but rather about forging meaningful bonds. For me, this involves focusing on two main pillars: my body and my community, with my wife playing a vital role in the latter. While we spend a significant amount of time together in the same house, it is crucial to intentionally spend quality time together. We have begun asking each other thought-provoking questions from a set of 36 questions designed to strengthen love and understanding.
Reflecting on the past, I used to hold onto resentment towards my wife for rejecting me sexually. However, I have come to realize that sex is not solely about my desires. It takes effort to create a safe and comfortable space for my wife to want to engage in sexual intimacy. I need to appreciate and understand her perspective instead of dwelling on my frustrations. I now understand that relying on past hurts as an excuse to distance myself emotionally is counterproductive. Building a fulfilling physical relationship requires trust, mental insight, and a profound understanding of the person we love. I empathize with young men in today's dating world who may believe that offering sexual pleasure alone will sustain a relationship. Healthy relationships require so much more.
Many men hold the misconception that sex is all they need in life. However, it is much more complex than that. Most men desire a wholesome and fulfilling relationship with their wives, yet many struggle to maintain it. Instead, they choose to buffer by indulging in activities such as watching television, reminiscing, or immersing themselves in pornography and video games. Unfortunately, this buffering behavior prevents them from cultivating deep relationships with their partners and children. Men often cling to grudges that ultimately end up harming themselves rather than the person they resent.
To live a fulfilling life, men must let go of the past, abandon buffering behaviors, and take intentional steps towards their goals. By doing so, they can cultivate better relationships, create successful businesses, and experience overall happiness. The key is to start making decisions and cease allowing past experiences or the actions of others to hinder our success. Victims never win, but those who take action and move forward do. If you are seeking assistance in achieving your goals, I urge you to reach out for free coaching for a six-month period.
Through this coaching, you can improve your mindset, build strong relationships, discover your passion, and accomplish what you truly desire in life. Contact me for more information, but keep in mind that spots are limited and the offer for free coaching will not last forever. The price will eventually increase, so seize this opportunity now. Thank you for listening, and I wish you a fantastic week. Until next time!
00:00:00 The Past: A Barrier to Success 00:00:43 Introducing The Relax Mail and Helping Men Through Struggles 00:02:58 Appreciating Female Listeners and Their Impact 00:08:29 Childhood bike accidents and bruised crotch memories 00:10:35 Trying something new and making mistakes in relationships 00:18:28 Men are more complicated than just wanting sex and food. 00:20:01 Let go of the past and embrace new possibilities. 00:23:00 Stop looking back and start taking steps forward. 00:25:12 Stop being a victim and start being a doer. 00:28:14 A Slip of the Tongue 00:28:37 Limited Time Offer: 100% Off Coaching Package
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New year has arrived how are you going to have the best year in your life?
Plan and pursue
Why having plans is needed - https://www.relaxedmale.com/why-you-want-to-plan-your-year/Build your 4 pillars
Man's Mind Man's Body Man's Soul Man's CommunityGet a coach
What I am doing this year
Fasting 4 times Getting 10 clients Getting a coach End of the Year Information < hr >In this episode of The Relaxed Male podcast, the host begins by welcoming listeners and discussing the importance of being intentional in the new year. They stress the need to make plans and set goals rather than just talking about them. The host acknowledges that decision-making can be challenging for men but encourages them to overcome their fear and take action. The main speaker dives into the concept of decision-making and the fear of missing out on other options. They believe that making decisions can make a person stronger, despite the common excuses people make to avoid planning and setting goals.
They emphasize the importance of pushing oneself and going through challenges to become a better person. The speaker criticizes men who desire attention from attractive women without putting in the effort to improve themselves. They then share their own goal of fasting for seven days but mention that their spouse expressed concerns and questioned the safety of the decision. However, the speaker is confident in their ability to complete the fast and mention an example of someone who went over a year without eating. They acknowledge that hunger pains and temptations will be a challenge but express determination to overcome them. They plan to repeat the fasting challenge four times throughout the year to improve their physical pillar. The main speaker discusses the discomfort that comes with learning something new and the importance of having a plan. They share a link to a blog post about the benefits of planning and explain that our brain's natural inclination is to seek pleasure and avoid pain, making learning new things challenging.
They also emphasize the need to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the discomfort of setting goals and experiencing failures. They introduce the four pillars of relaxed mail, which include the mind, passions, body, and community. The speaker suggests working on the mind by reading books and listening to educational podcasts, pursuing passions, taking care of the body through exercise and proper nutrition, and building a strong community of meaningful relationships. The speaker discusses the importance of having a strong community and setting a goal to have 10 close friends.
They emphasize the need to actively engage with others, learn something special about them, and form meaningful relationships. They acknowledge that some may feel overwhelmed by this idea and come up with fear-based thoughts, but it is essential to open oneself up to others and build a community. The speaker highlights that seeking support and guidance from a community can help apply what one has learned and make progress in various aspects of life. They also mention the importance of having a coach who can help identify and overcome limiting beliefs, provide guidance and accountability, and propel personal growth further.
The main speaker plans to fast four times and acquire 10 clients while seeking a business coach to enhance their coaching practice in the upcoming year. The main speaker continues by sharing the history of The Relaxed Male, which started as a men's catalog and evolved into a blog focused on helping men. They reflect on the growth of their podcast and the fluctuations in listenership over the years.
They express gratitude for every listener and emphasize the importance of providing value and trusting that success will come with time and consistency. The host encourages listeners to share the podcast with others and invites them to explore new podcasting apps that offer interactive features. They also mention a few spots still available for free coaching and highlight the importance of genuine dedication to self-improvement.
The episode concludes with a reminder to share the podcast on social media platforms and visit the show notes on the website for more information. The host also encourages listeners to get in touch and leave a message on the website if they're interested in free coaching. The episode ends with a message of gratitude to the audience and the anticipation of future growth.
00:00:00 Welcoming 2024 and Making It Your Best Year Yet 00:09:58 The Transformation of a Lump of Coal into a Diamond 00:16:27 Understanding and managing our wife's emotions 00:19:00 The importance of making a plan and setting goals 00:26:38 Building a Strong Community for Men 00:36:11 Consistency and Growth in Special Day Posts 00:46:05 Building a Viewership and Changing Society
- Visa fler
