Episode 100: Your Email Inbox Is A Chronological List Of Everyone Else's Priorities

14 sep 2024 · The Private School Leader Podcast

So, I want to ask you a question about something that you do several times each day.

Let’s say that you are out and about in the school, walking around, solving problems, handling student issues, talking to teachers and maybe attending a meeting. So here’s the question: When you finally come back to your office and sit down at your desk, what is the first thing that you do?

About 90% of private school leaders do the same thing. They open their inbox and respond to a few emails.

There are some very valid reasons we do this. Your brain is craving a dopamine hit because you just expended some emotional energy and some physical energy while walking around your school. You also have a little decision fatigue and your cognitive load has increased. Unfortunately, your brain doesn’t know the difference between a high value task and a low value task. Your brain just knows that it really needs a dopamine hit.

On today’s episode of the Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to help you understand why dipping in and out of your email inbox is the least productive thing that you can do because Your Email Inbox Is A Chronological List Of Everyone Else's Priorities.

Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school.

Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!

Mark Minkus

If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1.

I help my clients overcome imposter syndrome, set boundaries between work and home and how to actually get important things done instead of having your day ruled by the tyranny of the urgent. Sounds impossible right? It’s not. I can teach you how to make it possible.

I would love to be your coach and I have a few spots open. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.

Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.

That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive

I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!

I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo

I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting

I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide

I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!

Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode100

Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!

I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

TRANSCRIPT:

Welcome to the private school leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the private school leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Benkus. • • So I want to give you a scenario, and then I want to see if you, • • um, do the thing that 90% of school leaders do • • in this same scenario. So here's the situation. You're out in the school, • you're doing things. • You're perhaps dealing with a discipline issue. • • Um, maybe you're supervising a class change, • popping into a classroom. Maybe there's a maintenance issue. • • Uh, maybe someone in the main office has, um, a question. • And so you're out and about in the school doing some things, and then you, um, are out for a little while. You know, half hour, whatever it might be, maybe an hour. Um, you know how these things are. You're out, and you expect to be gone for a few minutes, and you're gone much longer than that. But you come back to your office and you sit down, • • and you're just kind of sitting there, and you're looking at your computer, um, • • screen. • • And my question is, what do you do next? • • • • So I want you to imagine this. You're out in the school, • out and about. You come back to your office, you sit down, you're staring at your computer. • What do you do next? • • • • Well, about 90% of school leaders • • • open their email inbox, • • • and • • that's okay if you're in that 90%. • • But I want to help you see today on this episode why • • • • it's completely understandable • • • why you would do that. It's also a lot of psychological factors that are causing you to do that, • but it's also the worst thing that you can do. • • You want to be productive and actually get work done on your priorities instead of on everyone else's priorities. • • So there is a better way. And on today's episode of the private school leader podcast, I'm going to do two things. Number one, I'm going to convince you that your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. And number two, I'm going to teach you how to engage with your email • in a way that will still allow you to get your important work done. • • • •

This is the 100th episode of the private School Leader podcast

But before we get into that, I want to celebrate with you because this is the 100th episode of the private School Leader podcast, and I'm super excited about that. I want to say thank you to those of you that have been listening for a long time. I talked to a couple different, uh, listeners this week, • • • • got, um, some emails and just people that have been listening for a long time. • Super excited about it, and just excited to be able to serve you with a hundred episodes of content that's specifically for you, to try to encourage and inspire you as you lead your school. And to celebrate the hundredth episode, I'm excited to tell you that I'm having a special three day sale on Thrive Academy. • • And that's going to be if, um, you're listening to this in real time, we're talking Tuesday, September 16, Wednesday, • September 17 and Thursday, September 18. • And the special sale is $100 off of thrive academy for three days only • and seven weeks of office hours instead of six, which is what you normally get. • And so I want to add to that, that if you're listening to this in real time, • • typically these, uh, podcast episodes • • come, um, • out, um, on a Saturday. • And I just want, um, to make sure that if you're listening and it's not yet Tuesday the 16th and you want to jump on board, it also could be that you are, um, interested in having your school pay for this professional development opportunity for you. And so if you just send me an email at mark dot o dot minkusmail.com and just ask for an invoice, I'll send you an invoice and, um, give you the $100 off price • and the seven weeks of office hours instead of six. So there's a lot of different ways that you can access this. Obviously, the privateschoolleader.com thrive is the, is the place where all of it happens to. There's an introductory video there. There's all kinds of, uh, client testimonials, • students that are in thrive academy that are enjoying office hours, all the different things. And so again, • • I just want to remind you, we're celebrating the hundredth episode of this podcast by having a special three day sale on Tuesday, September 16. Wednesday, September 17 Thursday, December 18, 2024. The deal is $100 off the regular price and seven weeks of office hours instead of six. Get in the door. Get in on it. Theprivatescalier.com thrive. • •

Free resource that every private school teacher wants from their leader

And to celebrate, I also want to give you a gift, and that is a free resource that I've created called the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. • • And this is a free guide. It's a six page PDF that I think can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee that if you do these six things that the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. And you can get that guide at theprivateschool leader.com guide. Again, that's the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. A free gift is just to say thanks for listening to the podcast. Grab [email protected]. • •

Your email inbox is where productivity goes to die, says private school leader

guide • • okay, • • • so I hit you with a quote. It's actually the title of this episode, and I've said it now twice, and I'm going to say it a third time. Your email inbox • • is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. • And if you think about it, • • the reason I say that is because • it is a chronological list. It comes in order, • • um, newest to oldest on your inbox, • • • and it's generally a list of everyone else's priorities. It's not a list of your priorities, but I also like to say that your email inbox is where productivity goes to die. • • • And so if you can remember those two quotes, • • I hope that they'll have an impact on you to just start you to think about a different way to interact with email at school. Because as private school leaders, you're so busy, you have so many interruptions, you have so much task switching and email dipping in, in and out of your email box. Email inbox all day long is actually worse practice when it comes to productivity. And I'm going to teach, um, you today • and help you understand, • • • um, how and why that we can do this differently and actually get some things done that you want to get done. Doesn't that sound great? So let's go with the five. • • Um, I have five points here. This is best practice for engaging with your email inbox as a private school leader. Number one, understand why • • • • you open your email inbox when you sit down. • • I gave you that scenario before about sitting down after being out and about in the school. We're going to talk about that. Number two, • redefine urgency. Number three, the three steps to taking control of your inbox. Number four, create friction. And number five, remember the quote. • •

90% of school leaders open their email inbox when they sit down

Okay, so at the top of the episode, I gave you a scenario • • • • where you're out and about in the school and you're walking around and you're dealing with different issues. And then you come back and you sit down at your computer, at your desk and there's your computer and you're just kind of looking at it. • And what most of us do in, uh, my experience, it's around 90% of school leaders, • we open up our email inbox. Well, here's why. • • So when you're out in the school, you're • • using your brain. So there's some cognitive load. • • You're making decisions, so there's some decision fatigue, and then there's also some physical, • • um, aspect to it. Um, walking around and, you know, up and down stairs and so forth. So there's a little bit of physical fatigue, and then you're also very likely expending some emotional energy. And so there's a little bit of emotional fatigue. • And so if you've experienced that fatigue and you come and you plop down at your desk, • your brain is craving a dopamine hit. • • And here's the real key of this part, is that your brain does not know the difference between an important task and a low value task because you will get a dopamine hit either way. And that's why almost all of us open our, uh, email inbox and start responding to emails, because we're feeling productive. We feel productive and we get the dopamine hit. But the problem is that isn't a low value task. And the problem is that our • • • importance, our, um, definition of what we're going to work on that's important to us is now no longer in our control, but it's in the control of whoever happens to be at the top of our email inbox. • And then we make our way through some of those emails. And so the brain, again, it doesn't know the difference. And that's actually called the productivity trap. • Um, I did an episode on that episode 17 called nine ways to avoid the false productivity trap. And I'll link that in the show notes at the private school leader. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • But this just makes us more likely to open email or do other low value tasks. • • Um, the false productivity trap talks about some other things like random rewards and about the rule of reciprocity and not wanting to let people down and • • feeling efficient or feeling like you're a good leader if you get back to people really, really quickly. And I just really want to try and get you out of the false productivity trap. And the first step in changing behavior is understanding why it's happening in the first place. So there's a lot of things conspiring against you. And that's why so many of us open our email inbox when we sit down at our desk, we're not going to do that anymore. So • • • • • that's, uh, point number one is just understanding why we open the email inbox when we sit down. And point number two is to redefine urgency. So I want you to think about this for a minute. And I know most of you are multitasking, and I always strongly encourage that you listen to the podcast while you're driving to or from school or running errands or on a walk or • working, uh, • out. And so, you know, this one might be, this next thing that I'm going to mention might be a little bit harder because, um, you are listening and not seeing this. But I have four categories on my screen with my notes here, and I've divided up • what percentage of your emails are, and then I've put them into four categories. And so this is just a thought exercise to help me prove my point. • And so I'll put this in the show notes as well. But • • the four categories are distractions, what percent? • • Interruptions, what percent? • • Goals and planning, what percent? And crises, what percent? And so there's four different total percents that add up to 100%. So let's be honest, okay, • • distractions and interruptions. • • • • • Um, we could throw in there low value • exchange of information. • • • • Um, that's probably taking up, • I'm gonna guess, 80, 90% • • • our email inbox, because things that are critical to goals and planning. Yes, you might be getting an email back about something about the accreditation and the self study, or something about that new curriculum that you're, um, considering purchasing for math. I'm not saying those aren't in your inbox. I'm just saying that not too many of your emails are containing things about your important goals and your planning. Some of them are, • • • • but also crises. • • • I would go so far as to say that's going to be extremely rare, that someone is going to communicate a crisis • to you in an email. • • It might be that a parent • is defining something as a crisis, and that's why it is in capital letters and has exclamation points. • • • • But a true crisis, • • • • • • I wonder how rare it is. I think it's extremely rare that the way that you would find out • • • about the crisis • is in your email inbox. And so what I'm trying to prove to you is that the percentage of things that are distractions, interruptions, low value exchange of information is very, very high. • And the percentage of emails that are about your true goals and planning and a, uh, crisis is very, very low. • • And so what that means is that we can actually check email less often than we do, and we are not going to be any worse off as far as running the school. And I will teach you why it's actually so much better to have set times when we're checking email instead of dipping in and out of email all day long. • And so just to kind of finish off this point and to drive it home, there are so few things at your school • • • • that are in an email • • that are so urgent that they can't wait until the next time that you are scheduled to look at your emails.

In point number three, I'm going to talk about taking control of your inbox

And in point number three, I'm going to talk about the three steps to taking control of your inbox. And we're going to talk about having a scheduled time in the morning, a scheduled time in the afternoon, and then a scheduled time before you leave for the day. • • • • • But you're going to be thinking, when I get to that. And you're probably already thinking, oh, my goodness, what about this email or that email? What if it comes in in between times? Listen, I want you to think, • • • how many different ways • can people reach you • • if something is truly urgent at your school? And let me ask you that question again. How many different ways other than email, • • • can people at school reach you if something is truly urgent? • • Okay. They could text you, • • they could call your cell phone, • • they could buzz the phone on your desk. If you have a phone with, um, • • internal intercom, which most of us do, • • • they could get you on the walkie talkie. Most of us have walkie talkies. They could stop by your office. • • There's about five or six right there, different ways that immediately someone could get in touch with you. And if you really stop to think about it, if it's truly urgent, they're not going to put it in an email. They're going to get you in one of those other ways. And so it's actually like an urgency and importance filter • when you think about it, that right off the bat, things that are truly urgent and important are probably not going to be in your email inbox. They're going to use one of these other ways to get in touch with you. So hopefully the first two steps, I've convinced you that • • • there are strong psychological reasons that have to do with your brain craving dopamine, which is why we are in and out of our email inbox all day long. And then also • that I've hopefully convinced you that • • your definition of urgent • • is different than everyone else's definition of urgent most of the time. And if there's something truly urgent and timely that needs your immediate attention, they are not going to let you know that in an email. • • Okay?

Three steps to taking control of your inbox are discussed in this podcast

And that brings us to point number three, which are the three steps to taking control of your inbox. All right, let me hit you with these. Step number one, this is really important, and I'm going to give you a disclaimer that it's going to sound like, oh, my gosh, I don't think I could do that. Hear me out. Trust me. Trust me that I've been doing this for years. Trust me that I have clients that have been doing this for a long time and that it absolutely changes the way that they lead because it builds margin into their day. Okay? You just got to trust me. 100 episodes in, you've listened to a lot of episodes. Just trust me on this one, okay? • Step number one, you're going to schedule 30 minutes in the morning, probably mid morning, • 30 minutes in the afternoon, probably after the lunch recess block all settles down. And any post, you know, recess issues are dealt with. And then 15 minutes at the end of the day to look at your email. So 30 minutes in the morning, • • • 30 minutes in the afternoon, and 15 minutes at the end of the day to look at email. All right, again, I can hear what you're saying. There's no way I can get through all my emails in, you know, let's see, added up. 30 minutes. 30 minutes. 15 minutes. That's an iron. 15 minutes. First of all, there's no way that I can get through all my emails in an hour and 15 minutes. All right, I'll come back to that in a minute. I'm going to crush that obstacle. • • • Um, also, • • • • you might be thinking that, well, wait a second. Is he saying that I'm not going to check email from the time that I leave • • • until mid morning, the next morning? • • Well, actually, • ideally that is what I'm saying. But also, realistically, • • we're not going to go from • • where you are • • if that is dipping in and out of your email inbox all day long, checking it on your phone at home, checking it on your cell phone in bed when you wake up in the morning before you say good morning to the person that you share a bed with. We're not going to go from • • all in on email • • to being disciplined. • We're going to have to • • • • not go cold turkey here. We're going to have to do it in stages. And so very likely what you're going to do is have to have a couple of other times, • • once in the evening, maybe once, um, in the morning when you arrive at school, but we'll get there. But I just want you to get the broad concept • • • • • and I want you to buy into this broad concept. And then everyone listening will, at their own pace, be able to get to that broad concept. All right, • • 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the afternoon, 15 minutes at the end of the day, that's when you're going to look at email • • • • and you're going to try to • • be very disciplined about this. • • • • And also, I want to tell you one last thing on step one, and that is • • • • • • there's a lot of research on task switching. • • I think private school leaders do more task switching than most jobs, probably very few jobs where there's as much task switching as there is for private school leaders. • • • • • • I just read a report, a research • study, uh, • that showed that it can take up to 23 minutes to fully engage • with the task • that you just switched to. • • • And so if you're in and out of email all day long and then you're on your way to a meeting or on your way to dealing with a student or whatever, I think for private school leaders we're much better and it takes us much less time to, uh, switch back and forth than 23 minutes, • • • but it still takes time • • and we want to make our time efficient and useful and we also want to have some control over how we're using our time. Remember, the title of this episode is that your email inbox is a chronological list of everyone else's priorities. Not only are we talking about how to do it, that's the best use of your time, but we're also talking about how to do it in a way that allows you • • • to do what you want to do as far as working on important tasks instead of working on everyone else's • • • • • needs and asks and tasks and, • • um, you know, the things that they're going to email you about. So that's step number one. Step number two, • • • • when you have this 30 minutes block, • what you're going to do is you're going to open your email inbox. • • • You're going to go through the emails, oldest to newest, unread emails, oldest to newest, using the two minute rule. • • And the two minute rule is as you go through emails, if you can respond to it, give an answer to the question. • • Um, if you can manage that within two minutes or less, you do it right then. • • And if you can't, you mark it as unread and you move on to the next email. • So you're starting with oldest going to newest • • • and then what you'll find is, as you get, we know this, that when you are doing one task and you're not switching, and I know, I can hear what the naysayers are thinking right now. You're thinking, you don't understand, you don't know how hard it is at my school. • • I don't. I don't. I do know what it was like to be the head of school with 400 students in the school • and I was the only administrator. • • • Um, and I know all about those interruptions. And at that time, was I using this method? No. I wish I had been. But I'm just saying that when you are designating time for email and that's the only thing that you're doing, • • • • • I know the interruptions will happen, • but if you're working on email, you're going to be so much more efficient at getting through your emails more quickly, oldest to newest and responding to them, than if you're in and out of your email all day long. And so step number two is go through your emails, oldest to newest. Use the two minute rule. Mark it as unread if it takes more than two minutes. And then once you get to the newest email, go back to the bottom and then work on the one that's unread. Work on that one until it's handled. And then go to the next one. And then go to the next one. And this will keep your unread emails list short. It will be eliminating a lot of the, um, • • • emails that are just pouring into your. It won't eliminate the emails that are pouring in, but it will help you more efficiently deal with them. • And one other thing that's kind of just like a bonus tip, • • • you need to unsubscribe from a lot of the stuff that you're getting. Okay. You know, I get a lot of emails a day. You get a lot of emails a day. But there's a lot of stuff • that we just need to be honest. And it's sort of like that deal where, um, I forget her name, but, uh, there's a woman who has a show on Netflix and talks about a few, you know, haven't touched the shirt or the outfit, the blouse or whatever in a year. Or if you pick up an item and it doesn't bring you joy, you know that you get rid of it. • • If this is a thing that's coming into your email inbox and you just really don't engage with it, hardly ever, you need to unsubscribe because we can cut down on the total number of emails that come in to our email inbox significantly if we just pause and take a look as we go through and just start hitting unsubscribe.

Step number three is to build your self discipline with email

Okay, step number three, • you build your self discipline • to • be, have fidelity with these 30 minutes time windows in the morning, in the afternoon, and before you leave at the end of the day. • • And it's going to take time, but you're going to build your self discipline and you're going to train everybody else. So you're going to train your teachers, you're going to train you. If you have a personal, if you have an administrative assistant, • um, if you have an administrative assistant, um, you need to have a conversation with that person, • • um, • • about this new system that you're going to use. And so that that person knows, so that he or she knows that uh, they are going to um, that's how you're going to interact with email. And when I say that you're going to train everyone else, I don't just mean you're administrative assistant if you have one. I mean your teachers. How many times have you been walking down the hall and someone comes up to you and say hey, did you, did you see that email I sent you? Um, • and you say well when did you send it? And they say um, about 15 minutes ago. • • • And so now what you say is you don't have to say, well I only check email three times a day. Don't say that. • • • Just say, you know what, I will check on that later this morning or I will get to that this afternoon. Like whatever is your next time that you're scheduled to do email and I'll get back to you. And let me tell you something, as a school leader, • • it is a uh, completely, • • • completely valid • • • • • • answer. • It is a completely reasonable expectation • • • • that there's going to be a little bit of lag time and we're talking about a few hours at most. If you're checking it three times a day. • • We've trained everybody else • • • that they're going to expect an answer immediately from us • • and then the more that we do that, • • the more they expect it. And so we need to adjust their expectations and then that is also part of what I call don't feed the beast. And so what I mean by that is • • • let's say that • • • you didn't get to all of your emails and you are looking at emails, um, in the evening or maybe you have young children and • • um, after you put the children to bed, then you're going to check email for 30 minutes or whatever the case might be. Well listen, when you're doing an email at 930 at night, schedule friend is your best friend. Schedule send is your best friend. Don't just hit send. A, it's interrupting that person's evening and b, the message that you're sending is that you're available. Twenty four seven. And so, um, in Gmail, which is what I use, and I'm sure for other email platforms, they have something similar. Just schedule send for 08:00 the next morning. And then, um, if you continue to let people know, hey, I'll look at that • • next time I check my email when I'm in my office. You'll find that in not too long of a time, it'll be within a few weeks that people will stop asking that question and they'll start changing their expectations for you about how quickly you get back to them. But part of it is you. All right? Part of it is you. • • I know we all want to get back to people really, really fast, and somehow that shows that we're efficient leaders, but really what it shows is that the tail is wagging the dog and we need to be working on the things we choose to work on instead of constantly, • um, • • just living by how many, um, emails we have in our email inbox. And I know all of this might sound a little foreign to you, and it might sound unbelievable. I'm telling you, I've seen it work with dozens of people. • I've seen it work for me for more than three years. • • It works. Just give it a try, please.

Step one is to turn off email notifications on your smartphone and smartwatch

Okay, we're on to number four. • Point number four. • • • • So number four is create friction. So if you have a. If you have. Buy some apples at the store and you want to eat some apples. Okay, • • • two scenarios. One is that the apples are in a bowl on the kitchen table. • • The other is that the apples are in the bag in the crisper drawer inside the, um, refrigerator. • • Which apples are getting eaten? • • You all know the answer. It's the apples that are in the bowl, because you just walk by and absentmindedly pick up an apple and you eat it. Okay. Conversely, • so there's no friction there. No friction with that bowl of apples. Lots of friction with the bag of apples in the, uh, refrigerator. • • Halloween candy, you know, a big bowl of Halloween candy, that's, you know, what, whatever is left from what you didn't give out at your front door or maybe what your kids gathered, um, and it's sitting there on the kitchen table • • • versus if that candy • • was in a cupboard where you had to get out, uh, from the pantry, a little step stool, climb up two steps and get that bowl out to get the candy down and then put it back up there. I can tell you right now, if you have to get the step stool out to grab that candy, you're not going to eat any of that candy, because that's too much friction. • • But if it's sitting there on the table, you're going to be eating candy until that bowl is empty. Okay? And one last thing to prove the point, and then I'll apply it to your, um, email, is that there was a hospital in the United Kingdom, over in England, that did a study. Um, they wanted to sell more water and less soda in their, uh, cafeteria. • • • • And they didn't change prices. The only thing they did was they changed the location of the displays, • • and they put a display of water, um, right next to the cash register. They made it easier to reach the water at eye level. • Um, they made the soda a little bit more difficult to reach. They didn't hide it, but they made it more difficult to reach. They changed the location of the water bottles. • • • • And you probably already know what happened. Um, the sale of water went up by, like, 300%. • • And so it's about friction, and so we want to create friction between you and the ease by which you can check your email. So step one, and this is huge, is to turn off email notifications • • on your smartphone and your smartwatch. This is a, uh, non negotiable for me. If you believe or listen to anything that I say, please, please, please turn off • email notifications for your work email on your smartphone and your smartwatch. That's step one. There's two more. • And some of these might make you cringe or be like, oh, my goodness, there's no way I could do that. Uh, • • and we're going to go through withdrawal a little bit, because we're so used to a certain way of doing things, it's going to take a little time to do things a different way. • • • • • When you open up, when you push the button on your smartphone and the home screen • lights, um, • up, how many swipes • • • until you get to your work email icon? • • • • • • • When you open up? When it lights up, how many swipes • • until you get to your work email icon? For most of us, it's one or zero. Okay. • • And so if you add one additional swipe, you move the icon off of that either first page or the second page. If you make one more swipe to get to your email, • • • um, from my coaching clients, it typically reduces how often you check email by about 70% to 80% just by that one thing, • • because you're thinking about it. The key is to think about it. I have one coaching client. What she does is she has a little, tiny, skinny rubber band, and when she leaves for the day, she puts it around her phone • • • • • • and around her smartphone and that tiny rubber band is just to remind her to pause and • do I really need to check email? Okay, that's the big thing, is that when the notifications are coming and we are just reflexively • checking email, • • • • • that's why we need to turn off notifications when it's so easy to just tap the icon and see if we got any email. • • • • • That's why we need to create friction.

M um, I talked about the email icon on your smartphone

M • • • • • um, • I talked about the email icon on your smartphone, • • • and then the last thing is, um, about your laptop. So • a lot of people say, well, it's just right there. The tab is open. It's so tempting. Okay, so what we're going to do is we're going to close the tab and open a window. And so, • um, whether you have • • • • • chrome, um, • • or whether you have safari or Firefox or whatever it is, I have chrome. If you hover over the, um, logo at the bottom of your screen and you right click, it'll pop up and it'll say, new window. • • Open a new window, • • • open your email • • • in that window, • • and then go back to the screen that's almost always open on your laptop or on your desktop and close your email tab. • Because when it's open, you can see the little parentheses and you know subconsciously how many unread emails you have, and you come back from somewhere and you're like, oh, my gosh, I have this many more emails. We're clicking, clicking, clicking on our email inbox. Let's create some friction. • • Hover over the logo. Right click open a window and • • put your email in there. And then when it's time on your schedule, you're putting this on your schedule as an appointment with yourself. That 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the afternoon when it's time, then you go there and you open that window and you work on your email. • •

What I described to you are some systems to build in around your email inbox

And that brings us to step five, • • and it's. Remember the quote? And here's the quote. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, he says, you do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. • • • • What I described to you are some systems that you're going to build in around your email inbox. • • If I just told you, well, let's just use your self discipline and try really hard and make a new year's resolution, no matter what time of year it is, and you're going to try really hard and you're going to do better with email. It's not going to happen • because • there's too many things conspiring against us, especially those psychological forces that I mentioned in, um, point number one. • • • • But if you have some systems, • • it's just like you as the school leader up on that trapeze • and you're flying around • • and you know that those trapeze artists • • that they have that big net, and when they miss, they fall, • • but they don't fall the way to the concrete. They fall all the way to the net. And then they bounce up and down a couple times and they climb the ladder and they start doing the trapeze again. That's what you're going to do with your email inbox because now you have some systems and you don't rise to the level of your goals or your self discipline. You fall to the level of your systems. And so when you have a couple days, when you mess up and you're in and out of email all day long, • • • you're going to have a system and you're only going to fall as far as the system. You're not going to fall all the way to the concrete. • • • • You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems. • • And I want to hear from you. I want to hear when you do this, • • I want you to email me at mark dot o dot minkusmail.com and tell me about your successes. Because I want to beat the drum. I want to preach the gospel of these systems for doing your email, um, inbox. This way, • • • • it can definitely, definitely, definitely change, • • um, how productive you are, because your email inbox is where productivity goes to die. • • So let me hit you with the, uh, main points again. Best practice for engaging with your email inbox. • Number one, understand why your email inbox, why we open our email inbox when we sit down. It's those strong psychological factors, especially that strong craving for a dopamine hit when you have used some cognitive • energy, emotional energy, physical energy, and you have some decision fatigue. Number two, redefine urgency. • • • • That email inbox is a list of everyone else's urgent things, and they're not going to they at school. The people that need you at school are not going to get you through your email inbox. There are like five other ways they're going to get you your attention. • • • Number three, the three steps to taking control of your inbox. • I told you that. Number one is to • • • • create, • • • um, • • schedule. Ah, • • excuse me, into your day. 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes in the afternoon, and 15 minutes at the end of the day. That's when you're going to work on email. Step two, go through your emails, oldest to newest, using the two minute rule. Mark them as unread. When you get to the newest, go back to the unread ones and work through them until they're done. And then step number three is to build your self discipline. Train everybody else. Don't feed the beast. Okay. Number four is to create friction. And number five is, remember the quote • about we don't rise to level of our goals, we fall to the level of our systems. And here's the thing. You now have a system • • • and you're, um, going to use that system and it's going to make a difference. And then you're going to email me at Mark o. Mincus. Ah. • • • • • • And your call to action • • for this episode is to create friction by turning off email notifications to your smartphone and your smartwatch. • • • Make it more than one swipe to get to your email icon on your smartphone. • • And then, um, open a window on your laptop to and then close the tab that's open all day long. And then part two of your call to action is to schedule those three times • • day to look at email and then just start. • • And so I just gave you a system. And if you want systems that will work as a private school leader, that's what thrive academy is all about. Thrive academy is everything that I've learned over 33 years of being a school leader. • • And • • whether it's productivity and time management or sustainable boundaries between work and home, • • um, • • leadership, • • um, skills, um, how to energize relationships, how to actually leave at a certain time at the end of the day, how to work on your goals instead of everyone else's priorities. How to feel better at the end of the day. How to leave at the end of the day with more energy and more left in the tank. • • • That is what thrive Academy is all about. And so, to celebrate the 100th episode of this podcast, • • • • remember Tuesday, September 16 Wednesday, September 17 Thursday, September 18, 2024 $100 off. Off. Seven weeks of office hours instead of six. • • All that information is there for [email protected]. thrive. And if you, if your school is going to pay for this as a PD opportunity for you, then just shoot me an email at Mark dot o dot minkusmail.com. • • • um, and I will send you an invoice for that. •

The private school leader podcast celebrates its 100th episode with a free gift

And I want to give you one more free gift before we go. And that is • the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. This is eleven page PDF. It's a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. • • • Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Wouldn't it be great to have a plan when you sit down with an upset parent? Well, now you have a plan. • • Theprivateschooleer.com meeting a free guide for you theprivateschoolleader.com meeting • • and get the seven steps to having successful meetings with upset parents. So don't forget about, um, the show notes, the privateschoolier.com episode 100. • • And please, please, please don't forget about this big three day sale for thrive academy. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, • • and you know, go to thrive academy or go to theprivateschoolleader.com thrive. Shoot me an email if you have a question mark. Dot o dot minkusmail.com. i want to get this into your hands. I want it to change your life. I want it to change the way that you lead. • And I just appreciate you so much. You inspire me to keep creating these episodes week after week, and I'm just going to keep going. • Thank you so much for being here since the beginning. And as we celebrate the hundredth episode, I just want to say thank you and how much I appreciate you and all of your hard work that you're doing for those lucky kids and teachers at your school. • So thank you for joining me. Thank you for taking precious time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the private school leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.

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Episode 137: The Secret Struggle: Mental Health And Private School Leadership
31 maj· The Private School Leader Podcast
In July of 2021, the summer Olympics were taking place in Tokyo, one year after being cancelled by the COVID-19 pandemic. You may remember that Simone Biles withdrew from the gymnastics competition citing mental health issues, especially anxiety.
Her openness about her mental health struggles brought a lot of media attention and other athletes and entertainers felt more comfortable talking about their mental health issues. From Michael Phelps to Selena Gomez and Ariana Grande, more and more celebrities were speaking up and trying to reduce the stigma attached to discussing mental health challenges.
Unfortunately, many private school leaders are engaged in a secret struggle. On the outside, many of us look like confident, resilient, strong, courageous superheroes who can handle anything. While on the inside many of us battle anxiety, depression, panic attacks or other issues.
I can only speak for myself. When I was struggling, I earned my Academy Award every day. I couldn’t let my people see any chinks in my armor. I had to be Superman on the outside and there was NO WAY that I was going to talk about this with anyone other than my wife.
This might be an uncomfortable topic, but on today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss The Secret Struggle: Mental Health And Private School Leadership.
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
I want to give you a brand new resource that I just created this week. It is called: The 4 Worst Things Parents Believe About Your School And How To Change Their Minds. Have you ever gotten really frustrated when parents believe things about your school that aren’t true? I think that it is really infuriating and discouraging. Unfortunately, parent perception is reality. Well, I have created a pdf guide that will talk about 4 super problematic things that parents probably believe about your school. Most importantly, I am going to teach you how to change their minds. You can grab this FREE guide at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/believe
Do you ever have “Teacher Drama” at your school? Well, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. This is a 9 page pdf that will go to the heart of the matter and give you strategies that will help you to actually reduce teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode137
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 136: 4 More Powerful Leadership Lessons From Atomic Habits
24 maj· The Private School Leader Podcast
Back in October of 2023, I recorded Episode 53 of this podcast: “5 Powerful Leadership Lessons From Atomic Habits”. Since then, that episode has become one of the most downloaded episodes in the history of the podcast.
The popularity of that episode has nothing to do with me and everything to do with James Clear’s amazing book. Atomic Habits is the best-selling non-fiction book of all time with over 20 million copies sold and it has been translated into over 60 languages.
Not only is this book the definitive guide for building better habits through small, consistent changes, it also contains many important strategies for private school leaders.
So, on today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss 4 More Powerful Leadership Lessons From Atomic Habits.
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference
Mark Minkus
I want to give you a brand new resource that I just created this week. It is called: The 4 Worst Things Parents Believe About Your School And How To Change Their Minds. Have you ever gotten really frustrated when parents believe things about your school that aren’t true? I think that it is really infuriating and discouraging. Unfortunately, parent perception is reality. Well, I have created a pdf guide that will talk about 4 super problematic things that parents probably believe about your school. Most importantly, I am going to teach you how to change their minds. You can grab this FREE guide at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/believe
Do you ever have “Teacher Drama” at your school? Well, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. This is a 9 page pdf that will go to the heart of the matter and give you strategies that will help you to actually reduce teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode136
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 135: Do 1 Of These 4 Things This Summer To Have A Better 25/26 School Year
17 maj· The Private School Leader Podcast
One of the most famous opening lines in classic literature is, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
Do you remember the book? If you guessed A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, then you were probably paying attention during your Middle School Language Arts class.
As you read this, your school year is winding down and your summer plans are on the near horizon. Summer can be the best of times and the worst of times to get things done and get “caught up” as a private school leader.
It can be the best of times because you have less interruptions, more time to think and more time to proactively get things done. Summer can also be the worst of times to work on things that we should do, because you are exhausted and you need to rest your brain and your body to be in good shape to do it all over again in a few months.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to try to persuade you to Do 1 Of These 4 Things This Summer To Have A Better 25/26 School Year.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
I want to give you a brand new resource that I just created this week. It is called: The 4 Worst Things Parents Believe About Your School And How To Change Their Minds. Have you ever gotten really frustrated when parents believe things about your school that aren’t true? I think that it is really infuriating and discouraging. Unfortunately, parent perception is reality. Well, I have created a pdf guide that will talk about 4 super problematic things that parents probably believe about your school. Most importantly, I am going to teach you how to change their minds. You can grab this FREE guide at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/believe
Do you ever have “Teacher Drama” at your school? Well, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. This is a 9 page pdf that will go to the heart of the matter and give you strategies that will help you to actually reduce teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode135
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 134: "‘My Child Is Not the Problem’: How To Handle Defensive Parenting
10 maj· The Private School Leader Podcast
“My son doesn’t lie.”“My daughter would never do that.”“My child has gotten straight A’s since Kindergarten, so if he got a C it is clearly a problem with the teacher.”“He’s only acting this way because he is bored.”
It is so frustrating when a parent gets out their “blamethrower” and blames the teacher, the test, the principal, the classmates, and says that the rules in the handbook are too strict.
We can throw up our hands and say “Oh Well!” Or we can learn more about defensive parenting and what to do about it. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss what to do when a parent says, "My Child Is Not the Problem”: How To Handle Defensive Parenting.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
I want to give you a brand new resource that I just created this week. It is called: The 4 Worst Things Parents Believe About Your School And How To Change Their Minds. Have you ever gotten really frustrated when parents believe things about your school that aren’t true? I think that it is really infuriating and discouraging. Unfortunately, parent perception is reality. Well, I have created a pdf guide that will talk about 4 super problematic things that parents probably believe about your school. Most importantly, I am going to teach you how to change their minds. You can grab this FREE guide at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/believe
Do you ever have “Teacher Drama” at your school? Well, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. This is a 9 page pdf that will go to the heart of the matter and give you strategies that will help you to actually reduce teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode134
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 133: Do These 4 Things Before Your Body "Pulls The Emergency Brake"
3 maj· The Private School Leader Podcast
Whenever the word “emergency” is in the title of something, you probably hope that you don’t ever need to use it. Emergency Room. Emergency Exit. Emergency Fund. Emergency Brake.
I hope that you have never had to pull the emergency brake while driving because that means you’ve tried everything else to stop your car. Your emergency brake is always your last resort.
Your body also has an “emergency brake”. It will stop you when you are going too fast for too long. When your body pulls the emergency brake it usually looks and feels like ulcers, migraine headaches, stroke-like symptoms, vertigo, insomnia, burnout, panic attacks or an irregular heartbeat.
You have a very demanding and very stressful job. Your fight or flight response will flood your brain and body with cortisol and adrenaline for weeks, months or years at a time. Your body will handle all of this stress and all of these hormones. Until one day, all of a sudden, it doesn’t.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to learn how to Do These 4 Things Before Your Body "Pulls The Emergency Brake".
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Do you ever have “Teacher Drama” at your school? Well, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. This is a 9 page pdf that will go to the heart of the matter and give you strategies that will help you to actually reduce teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode133
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 132: 5 Strategies to Avoid Getting Sucked Into The "Tyranny of the Teacher Drama"
26 apr· The Private School Leader Podcast
Has this ever happened to you?
You are sitting at your desk and a teacher appears at your door.The teacher asks, “Do you have a minute?”The teacher is very upset and they start ranting about another teacher at your school and they proceed to tell you why they are so annoyed and frustrated.That teacher wants you to immediately be as upset as they are.That teacher wants you to stop what you are doing and deal with their problem. Like, right now.
If this has happened to you, you know what it feels like to be on the verge of getting sucked into the “Tyranny of Teacher Drama.”
Of course there are two parts to it. The first part is the “tyranny.” The teacher wants you to feel like this issue is urgent and it is more important than whatever you are currently doing. The second part is the “Teacher Drama”, which is the recurring emotional friction that occurs between faculty members and can negatively impact your culture in a significant way.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to learn 5 Strategies to Avoid The "Tyranny of the Teacher Drama."
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Since we are talking about “Teacher Drama” today, I am excited to share with you a brand new resource called 5 Strategies To Reduce Teacher Drama At Your School. On today’s episode, we are talking about how to avoid the tyranny of the teacher drama, but I have created a resource for you that will go to the heart of the matter and ACTUALLY REDUCE teacher drama at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/drama to grab your free guide.
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode132
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 131: Leading Your School While Caring For Aging Parents
19 apr· The Private School Leader Podcast
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, the average age of a Head of School in America is 52 years old. That means a lot of private school leaders have parents in their 70’s and 80’s.
My mom was 86 when she passed in 2013. My dad was 92 when he passed in 2021. Both of my parents needed a lot of care in the years before they passed and my siblings and I carried a complex mix of stress, guilt and anxiety. We also tried to navigate the often confusing and exhausting list of doctor’s appointments, mobility issues and end-of-life decisions, all while holding down full time jobs.
34 million adults in the US are providing unpaid care to an adult over age 50. 10 million of those caregivers are over age 50 themselves. You have a very difficult job. Leading a school while caring for aging parents can quickly go from feeling very difficult to feeling impossible.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss Leading Your School While Caring For Aging Parents.
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode131
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 130: The 5 Keys To Making Sure That The Parents Don't Steal Your Joy
12 apr· The Private School Leader Podcast
During the early 1990’s, I coached boys varsity basketball at the school that I led. At the time, we didn’t have a full-size Gym on campus, so we rented a Gym that was a 15 minute drive from our school. One Friday night, after the last game, we were all filing out of the Gym and I noticed one of the referees standing on the sidewalk and he looked really upset.
I said, “Is everything OK?”
The referee replied, “Someone stole my car during the game.”
I don’t know if you’ve ever had your car stolen, but I am sure that it feels pretty awful. I do know that you have had something else stolen. Your joy. I also know who committed the robbery. The parents at your school.
We’ve all been there. We are at a wonderful event, enjoying the kids, enjoying the refreshments, having a nice time and then, BOOM! A parent walks up to you and says, “You need a better sound system. I couldn’t even hear my daughter singing. Also, the coffee is terrible.” Joy officially stolen…
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss The 5 Keys To Making Sure That The Parents Don't Steal Your Joy.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership

Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode131
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
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Episode 129: Does Your Spouse/Partner/Best Friend Have "Listening Fatigue?”
5 apr· The Private School Leader Podcast
For 33 years, I did the same thing almost every day. I came home from school and immediately started venting to my wife about my day as a private school leader.
I am ashamed to say, it wasn’t until after I retired, that I stopped to think about how doing that every day made my wife feel. All those years of me venting and complaining and all those years of her listening and trying to make me feel better.
Recently, I asked my wife, “What impact did all of that have on you?” Here’s what she said”
“Most of the time, it was really hard.”“Usually, I absorbed your stress.”“I was frustrated because I couldn’t fix it.”“It felt like your day was more important than my day.”
I would like to say that this conversation was a “wake-up call” for me, but it really wasn’t. That’s because I recently retired and now I’m usually not stressed out at the end of a day of coaching clients or recording podcast episodes.
I’m not saying that this is what you are doing every day. I am saying that it is something that we need to talk about. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to answer the question: Does Your Spouse/Partner/Best Friend Have "Listening Fatigue?”
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode129
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
• I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So for all 33 years of my career as a private school leader, • • most days when I would come home from school, • I would do the same thing. • • • • And • • what that was • • • • would be that I would just. • • I'd say hi to my wife, I'd say hi to my kids, • • • and I would vent to my wife about my day. • • And sometimes it wouldn't be a vent session. It would be that I would tell her about my day. And some, you know, sometimes I'd mix in the good things that happened. But let's face it, you know, when you hit the door at the end of the day and you're tired and you're stressed, • • • that • I'll admit, as I look back over my career, that most of the time it was, can you believe • • • that this parent had this crazy request? Or can you believe that this parent gave me my to do list today? That's so. I can't believe it. I'm so frustrated. Or I can't believe that these two teachers can't get along, or I can't believe that this teacher did this or • • about these. This student that did this thing. And so I would talk about my day. • • • • But I think that as I look back on it now, • • • uh, a lot of it wasn't just talking about my day, but a lot of it was venting my frustration as I talked about my day. • • • And recently I asked my wife • • • • about it. I will honestly say, and I'm ashamed to say that for 33 years, • • • I never asked her this question. • But just recently, I asked my wife, well, • • what impact did that have on you? You know, all of those days, for all of Those years, for 33 years of me coming home and telling you about my day or venting about my day, what impact did that have on you? • • And she said a couple of things. She said, well, • • • • some days it was really hard, • um, because I absorbed your stress. • • • • And • • I was also really frustrated because I love you and I couldn't fix it. • • • • And she said sometimes it would make me feel bad because it always seemed like your day at school was more important than my day. • • • • • • • • And I can't even say to you today that that was a wake up call for me • • • because, • • you know that I recently retired • • • • and, • • • • uh, you know, a wake up call implies that you're going to change your behavior. I can't. I don't have a time machine. I can't go back • • and ask her the question • • • • 10 years into my 33 year career and say, hey, you know, let's talk about this. Like, what impact is this having on you? I never asked her that question. • • • • So I can't say it's a wake up call because • • • • • I've retired and now I'm doing this full time with the podcast and with coaching and with the online courses and the membership. • • • • And so now I just am thinking about, okay, • • • • what can I do • • • to • help • • • • other • school leaders • when it comes to • • the person that they vent to, talked to • • • transfer their stress from them to that person? What can I do • to take at least this experience that I've had and that my wife has had • • • and try to help? And so on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • we are going to answer • this question. • •
I'm excited about a new resource called Winning at School Without Losing Home
Does your spouse, partner, best friend • • have listening fatigue? • • • • • • And so I'm super excited about a brand new resource and I want to share it with you before we jump • • into today's topic. • • And this is a 45 minute masterclass called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. • So I want you to listen to that title again. Winning at School Without Losing at Home. Is that something that you want to do? Well, this is a video webinar training and it has guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. • • It will help you be successful, organized, energized and fulfilled at school • while still taking good care of yourself and your family and your loved ones. And I know that might sound too good to be true, but I would encourage you to go to the privatescchooler.com winning • • and grab your free masterclass training called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. And I think it can be a real game changer for you. And that is free for you@the • privatescchooliter.com • winning. • • • • And then I wanted to remind you that Parent Academy has two plug and play PDs, 45 minute webinars for your teachers. • And after I teach you everything that I've learned in my career about how to effectively work with parents and to keep the 5% of parents that are trying to ruin your school to keep them from living rent free in your head and keep them from ruining your school, after I teach you those concepts and principles and strategies, then I teach your teachers in these video webinars. • • And so there have been some private schools in North Carolina, Texas, Ohio, California, that have already used these plug and play PDs. And I just want to give you a couple quotes from the teachers who've • • participated in these trainings. • • This is a paradigm shift for our school. • • • • Customers versus clients changed how I see my job. • • • • • I never thought a PD could be relevant to all three divisions in our school. We all have the same issues with parents whether we teach the 3 year old or the 12th grader. Private schools are different. This PDU is relevant to us from beginning to end. • • • Two more I learned that the reason why parents may come off as defensive or have strong opinions about their child's experience in class is because they have fears, they have hopes for their child. • • Not having any children myself, this perspective opened my mind and heart and helped me send some very important emails in the afternoon • after the pd. • • And then finally quot • • • • • I have been in education for 30 years and this is the best PD I've ever had. • • So with Parent Academy, you and your teachers will go from feeling anxious, stressed • • and stressed about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • And I'll teach you the framework and then I'll teach your teachers. And so just head over to parent to, uh, the Privatechoolade leader.com parentacademy to learn more. I'd love to get this into your hands. • You can use Title II funds to pay for this. Most of my, um, most of the people who've purchased Parent Academy so far have used Title II funds. • • Learn more about Parent academy@the privatescchooladeer.com • • parent academy. • • •
Do your spouse or partner or best friend have listening fatigue?
All right, so today's topic. • • Does your spouse or partner or best friend have listening fatigue? And so what we're going to do is define listening fatigue. It's also called empathy fatigue. • Then we're I'm going to give you the four signs • • that your loved one • might be suffering from listening fatigue. • And then five ways that listening fatigue can negatively impact that relationship. • • • • And then seven strategies for improving the current situation. • • • • And I always encourage you to listen to the podcast while you're driving to school or walking the dog or working out or running errands. And so I know that I just said four signs of this and five ways to do this and seven strategies. • As usual, I will take good care of you in the show notes • and you can get those@the privateschooler.com Episode 129 and all of that will be there for you. So just listen and then you can go back if you want to take another look at these strategies. • • So first of all, what is listening fatigue? Which is also known as empathy fatigue. • Well, listening fatigue is the emotional exhaustion • • and mental drain that happens when someone constantly listens • to someone else's emotional struggles, their frustrations, their complaints. • • • And this happens when • • the person listening • • doesn't receive adequate support or relief for themselves. • • So let's take this out of the context for just a moment • • of • • • you and your spouse or partner or your best friend. And let's talk about for just a second, listening fatigue from the standpoint of like a therapist, • • • • um, or perhaps a caregiver who is, let's say caring for an elderly person. And all that elderly person does is like complain because they're in pain all the time and of course they're going to complain. So let's just take it out of the context of a private school leader coming home INV vening to • • uh, your spouse or partner. • • • • • If you think about it, you know, therapists, there's research to show that um, • • a lot of therapists, especially during COVID and right after Covid, we're dealing with the empathy fatigue and the uh, listening fatigue and that emotional exhaustion. • And this happens with caregivers as well. And so it'again it's a mental drain • that occurs for the listener • • when they're listening, listening, listening about someone else's struggles and frustrations and complaints. But the listener isn't receiving enough support or relief themselves. • • • • • • • And it's different from feeling generally tired after a conversation. So for example, if you're an introvert, typically • • • conversations, social situations might kind of wear you out a little bit. So this goes deeper because it's actually, • • • like I said, emotional exhaustion that happens over time. • • • And you know, when one person is always in the role of the listener • • but rarely gets to share their own feelings or frustrations in return. And again, I have to bow my head in shame here as I think about • • my career as a private school leader and think about what was I • the person who was • • • sharing my feelings and frustrations and my wife was the role played the role of the listener, like all the time. And the answer is yes, • that's what happened with us. • • And so this is a little bit of a snapshot of what listening fatigue, • empathy fatigue • is how we can define it. • • And you know, there's research out there now that is starting to • um, show that • • • the long term impact of this on the listener can be • • burnout, emotional overload, um, • • feelings of resentment, • • um, and that if there's not proper self care. This is more research that's from the um, long term elder care, • • • uh, community • of research, • • um, Just the emotional toll on the listener. • And you know, again, I talked about long term. We know that burnout is the end state of long term stress. • Well, maybe it's not that person's stress. Maybe it's that they're receiving stress from the person that they're listening to. And so the last thing I'll say on that • • • • • is that I would always feel better when I talk to my wife. • • But I remember • a, uh, few years ago that • • I realized that really what I was doing was doing like a stress transplant. I was taking the stress out of my body and I was doing a transplant into her body. • • And • • • I guess I didn't realize it at the time. • • I'm realizing it now. • • And of course I can do things now to repair our relationship about that. Fortunately, our relationship is very strong and it survived that because she's very strong. But • for those of you that are private school leaders and have someone at home that when you come home, you vent to, I just want to make sure that you're aware of all of these things. • • •
Listening fatigue is when your partner gives short or non engaged responses
So then let's pivot to what are five signs • • that my • • spe, or excuse me, four signs that my spouse or partner or best friend is suffering from? Listen. Listening fatigue. So what are some signs of listening fatigue? Number one, shortened or non engaged responses. • • So if, if your, uh, partner, your spouse is no longer • offering some thoughtful empathic responses and is giving you like the quick, uh, uh-huh. Huh. Okay. All right. • • • • It could be a sign that they've kind of checked out emotionally, and especially if you have something to compare it to. So for example, • • • • • if a couple years ago, • • when you would vent and you would come home and you would talk about the stress of your day • and the length of the responses was different, • the level of engagement and involvement was different, and now it just seems kind of distant and short and, • • um, non engaged, • then that could be a sign of, um, listening fatigue. • • And remember, I'm giving you the bad news first, and then I'm going to give you the strategies at the end. So don't get overwhelmed or feel shame and guilt • about where you are. • • Adding a lot of shame and guilt to this situation right now isn't really going to help the situation. I guess it'll help a little bit if it moves you to take action. But we're not going to • • wallow or just bathe ourselves in shame and guilt about, • • um, if we realize, oh, no, you know, this has been happening for years. • • Okay, like I said before, I don't have a time machine. You don't have a time machine. What we can control is our behavior in this moment and moving forward. Okay, I'll get off my soapbox about that, about our self talk, but okay.
Another sign that your partner might be suffering from listening fatigue or empathy fatigue is irritability
Another sign that your, uh, partner might be suffering from • • • listening fatigue or empathy fatigue is irritability or frustration. • • So if the listener starts showing a lot of frustration or irritability when you're sharing your stress from school, from your day, then that could be a sign that they're feeling overwhelmed. • And they also could, could like snap at you or respond with a lot of impatience • • • because they're just kind of struggling to keep up with the emotional load. Because here's the thing, and again, I can only share my experience, • • • • but • • • when our kids were at home, when my wife, • uh, was a stay at home mom, • um, you know, there's a lot that's going on there that's just from a physical fatigue, from an emotional load, from a cognitive load, just caring for the children, um, all throughout our marriage, different seasons, • • um, different, uh, amount of a load at the end of the day. And then I was adding to that load. And so if they're struggling, • • your spouse, • • • um, • you know, your best friend, maybe it's your sister, maybe it's your mom, whoever is that person that's the listener, • • • • • they might start to become irritable and frustrated. And then number three, these are the signs that this might be happening. Number three is lack of active participation. So maybe again, this is comparing the past to the present. Maybe they would have chimed in with advice or shared their own feelings, but now they just seem kind of like, • you know, emotionally drained and they can't really engage in being a support to you • because • • they just can't do it anymore or can't do it as frequently. • • And so number three is lack of active participation. And then number four is kind of a combo. It's frequent distractions, • lack of eye contact and physical distance. So if the person that you're talking to, that you're venting to, if they're distracting themselves during your conversation, they're scrolling on their phone, they're kind of zoning out, • they keep redirecting the conversation. • • • • Um, again, this could be a sign that they're just avoiding. • • • They want this to be over, they're avoiding that, getting emotionally involved because of the price that they're paying to get emotionally involved in your stuff. • • And then, like I said, avoiding eye contact • • and then sometimes even moving physically farther away on the couch or, • um, what have you. • • And those could all be signs. So I'm not saying that if that's happening, that this is why. But again, there's a combination of factors, and so it's just something to get on your radar. • •
Emotional distance can lead to listening fatigue, empathy fatigue
So then I want to talk real quickly about five, • • um, things that could impact how this could negatively impact the relationship if listening fatigue, empathy fatigue is actually happening. • • • • So the first is, number one is emotional distance. • • So we want to be emotionally close • to our, ah, loved ones. • • But over time, • • • the person that'your. That's the listener, • • • • they may start to emotionally withdraw from you • • because of all the stress you're bringing through the door when you come home from a bad day at school. • • • And so what used to be, uh, a compassionate ear • might just become • a silent listener, • • • • um, • • • or a disinterested listener. And • • here's the problem that this distance, this emotional distance • • • • • • • can cause erosion. • • The connection that you have with your wife or with your partner or • • • with your husband, • • with your best friend, with your sister, with your mom, whoever it is that you're talking to. • • • • • And it can make the other conversations harder. So if there's emotional distance that grows between the two of you, then the other conversations about life and raising a family and financial decisions can be more difficult because of this thing that's going on between you. • • Now, I want to pause here again and remind you. I don't think I can remind you often enough. We're not going to attachh guilt or shame to this. I'm not saying that everybody has this. Some of you, when you come home, you don't talk about school ever. Okay, well, I hope that you're talking to somebody. • • Um, but we have to find that happy medium. We have to find that balance. We have to make sure that our partner is, um, in a good space to hear what we have to say. And we'll talk about that during the strategies. But I just felt like I needed to pause again and remind you. We're not going to • • just proceed with doom and gloom and then press • • stop or press pause. We're going to hear some hard truth and then we're going to take action. • • Okay, once again, I'll get off my soapbox. •
Second thing about how this can impact the relationship is resentment
Um, the second thing about how this can impact the relationship is resentment. And so if your spouse is constantly hearing about your day at school • • and then is hearing all that, you know, taking on all that emotional weight of your complaining and vening • • and your frustration, • • they may start to resent the fact that when you come home, this is the first thing that you do. • • • And we know what it's like when we are feeling resentment towards someone or towards our school or towards our boss or towards a parent or whatever. • • And • • resentment can build up over time. • • And this is true with your • • spouse or partner, especially if they feel like they're not, their needs are not being met. • • Okay, number three is burnout. And this one kind of speaks for itself just like anything else that if there's just constant, • • • • • um, absorption of that, those emotions • • • and you know, there's not self care to • • um, balance that out, • • • • that can lead to burnout. The end state of cumulative stress is burnout and can leave your • spouse or partner feeling drained. And then like I said before, they're less available for other conversations in your life, in your relationship. • Um, number four is loss of empathy, • um, over a long period of time of listening and giving empathy. But if, • • • if they're not being heard, if they're not given the same opportunity to share about their day, that they might become less empathic, • • um, and might start to tune out. Um, and so that can cause some disconnection in the relationship. And then number five is unmet emotional needs. • • And so, • • • • you know, again, listening fatigue or empathy fatigue, • • um, • you know, often results in one of the partner's emotional needs being met and one partner, their needs going unmet. • • • Um, and listen, I'll just speak again for myself. I know that • • • when I came home, • • • um, I had all of this stuff built up inside of me because • can't. I'm not going to talk to my teachers about it. I'm not going to talk to, you know, my board president about it or whatever. • • I'm going toa like keep it in and then I'm going toa just come through the back door and as soon as I see my wife, I'm gonna, or at least I did, • um, kind of just let it out because it needs to go somewhere. • • Um, sometimes I would just push it down and put a lid on that box. But that's not the best thing for the future either. Um, • but you know, again, it can cause that, • • • um, distance if they feel • like they're not able to express their own feelings or frustration and just might feel unsupported and • • • • can impact the relationship that way. So again, that's the bad news. Um, but I want to give you good news and that is that we can take action and we can do some things we can plant, um, you know, put a stake in the ground today and say • that this relationship is important to me and that, you know, and I'm also not saying that you can't vent. I mean, I think it's important to talk about your day at school and your frustrations and your stress. But there's a different way of thinking about it, and there's a different way of doing it.
Number one is talk about it. Number one is going to sound pretty obvious
And, um, now we're going to get into the seven strategies for improving whatever your current situation is. Okay. Number one is going to sound pretty obvious, but it's actually by far the most important one. Number one is talk about it. • • So, for example, just imagine you saying • to your. • • • Your spouse, your partner, your best friend, your sister, your mom, whoever it is that is the listener in this relationship. • • • • • • • You just say, hey, um, um, I know that I vent a lot, and I know that I talked about school a lot, and • • I love you and I value our relationship. And I don't want to just come home every day and transfer all of my stress from my body into your body. And I want you to be okay. • • And I just wanted to talk about this. Is it okay if we talk about this? Um, • • you know, and how does it make you feel when I vent about frustrations at school? • • • • I never asked that question once in the 33 years that I was a private school leader. Don't be like me, okay? • • Um, you know, do you. And then a question could be, do you. Do you feel like I care about what happens during your day? • • You know, we want things to be proportional. • • • And maybe your partner, your spouse doesn't want to really talk about their day. You know, it could be that you're. You know, there's a lot of opposites attract in our relationships, and sometimes the person who becomes the school leader, • • • um, • • they are the one who, you know, uses a lot of words during the day, you know, and the other partner, • the other, um, person in the relationship, they're a person. A few words, okay? It also might be that you used up all your words during the day, and the last thing you want to do when you get home is talk about your school day. Okay? But everybody's different. And I just know that there's a lot of people listening to this episode who are probably headed towards, • • • um, a continuing of a career where • you're kind of following the path that I followed, • • which was a big imbalance in • • • the sharing versus the asking and listening. So number one is just talk about it, have a conversation about it, and really listen. • • Number two, • • strategy is to set boundaries on emotional conversations. • • • And this isn't a bad idea with, you know, other kinds of conversations. But with this, • • for example, specifically, • • • • • we're going to talk about how long and then when and where. So when you're setting boundaries, how Long. Well, you know what, it can really help if you, it can help you and your spouse • or your partner if • • you • set a time limit. • • So say after you come home and say hello and you know, kind of change clothes or whatever it is, that for 15 minutes you're going to talk about your day. All right. • • This will help the listener tremendously if this is something that you start to do, because they can tune in for 15 minutes and you can probably get most of the stress out in 15 minutes. And if not, we need to get better at getting, • • um, • more concise about sharing out about our day. But if there's no time limit and there's no end in sight, and there's been other times where we've talked for a really long time, then the listener is just like, o, • • you know, how long is this going to go on? But that's something that has been really, really helpful to um, some, that, you know, some of the research that I did, um, some of the, um, • • you know, clients that I work with, just to set a timer and you don't have to have an egg timer, you know, sitting there. You can just kind of keep an eye on the clock or whatever. But how long are you going to talk about it and then when and where? • Let, let's set some boundaries. We're going to keep it out of the bedroom. • • Um, we're not going to do it at the dinner table. We're not going to do it right before bed. We're not going to do it in front of the kids. • • So think about boundaries • • and think about how long and think about when and where. • • And then number three strategy is ask first. • • So for example, what I did was I would come home. I never asked my wife, hey, um, • • • are you doing okay? Can I share a little bit about my day? I never asked her that question one time. • • • Um, but before you dive in, • • maybe just ask, hey, are you in a good space to listen right now for 15 minutes? If I could just talk to you about my day. It gives them the opportunity to say, you know what, • I'm exhausted. What if we talked in a couple of hours after dinner? Or, you know, but if we just start and we just, you know, start with, uh, • • the day. You're never going to believe this. Okay, I get it. • • • But • • it shows so much respect • • • to your spouse • • if • • your, to your partner, to your best friend. If you ask the question, • • are you, are you good to listen for a few minutes? • • • • Ah, you're prioritizing their emotional well being. So number three is ask first. Number Four is reciprocate. • • So make sure • • • that all the listening • • to the venting • • is reciprocal, • • because you're the person that you love, that listener. • • • • • They have stuff too, • • • and we need to be just as present. It's their turn when it's our turn to listen. And I'll be honest, I wasn't good at that either. • • You know, I would feel better because I had just, like, transferred all this stress from my body to my wife's body. But then when it was my turn to listen to her day, I just have to be honest, I wasn't always tuned in because I was tuned in all day long. • • • And then I did a little bit of an adrenaline dump or got some cortisol out of my body or whatever when I talked to her. And now I'm feeling more chill and more relaxed. And then I'm not really tuned in as an empathic, active listener. But it has to be • • reciprocal, • • because • • • • the only thing worse • • than just • • venting • • • • • and not really • • caring • about, you know, how that person is receiving all that, the only thing worse than that is probably venting and then tuning out when they talk about their day. • • So number four is reciprocate. Number five on our seven strategies • • • • is to share something positive. We have a negativity bias in our brain, and that is to help keep us safe and that we're constantly assessing threats with our fight or flight response. And so it is so much easier to remember the negative things in our day than the positive. • • • But most days, not every day, but most days, there's at least one positive thing that happened at school. And sometimes we need to think really hard about what that was. • • • But if the only things that we ever share are the negatives, • • • man, • • • • • • • • • • think about it this way. Flip it around. If you had a friend who every time you saw them, the only thing that they did was vent to you and complain • • about their day. Let's pretend for a minute • • that this friend isn't in, • • • you know, private schools, but they're in, like, the corporate world. And this is the main interactions that you have when you see that friend, you're probably not going to want to hang out with them very long, okay? • • And so we can share something positive, and then we also need to be positive. • • • • Um, give our partner express gratitude for them listening. • • • • • I don't know how many times, probably not very many. I'm ashamed to say that when I was done with my little event session, that I thanked my wife for listening. I'm sure I probably did it some of the time, but I didn't do it, like, all the time. • • • • • I just really thank you so much for listening. I feel so much better. Thank you. It takes, like, three seconds to say that, but • • I don't know. • • I don't know if I ever said that, honestly. • •
Number six is prioritize downtime together. And it benefits your partner, too, your spouse
All right, and then our final two strategies. Number six is prioritize downtime together. • Um, • you know, I really like the no work talk aloud. Nwta, you know, that there could be times • • just a section of your evening or a section of your weekend where there's no work talk allowed. And it benefits your partner, too, your spouse, so • • • • • • they have a stressful job, regardless of what they're doing for work. You have a stressful job, • and it's important for you to both • • • • empathize and listen • • and, uh, support • • because of what they're sharing. But also there's value in having set times where you're not going to talk about work. • • • And so, you know, again, it's about quality time and relaxing and bonding • • • • as a couple in this relationship or as a, you know, maybe it's not, um, a married couple or a partnership. Maybe it's a friendship or siblings, but. Or a parent child, if you're close to one of your parents. But whatever it is, • • • • you can prioritize the time that you spend together where you enjoy that person's company, where it doesn't involve talking about your school. • • And then number seven is to take care of your mental health. Here's the thing. • • • If I paused and stopped and thought about the fact that, you know, if someone objectively was like a fly on the wall and didn't know much about me other than what I said when I came home from work, they would probably be like, it sounds like you need to find a different job, you know, • and so I'm not telling you that you need to get to, you know, find a different school or to get out of private school education. The whole point of this podcast is to help you do this and do it well and not be in survival mode, and to thrive and to feel, • um, supported and to feel, • um, fulfilled. And all of that is a pursuit. And we do that together here every single week. • • But if you're finding that you're constantly overwhelmed at work, you might need to talk to somebody. And I know that it's helped me tremendously • • to talk to a therapist, • • um, you know, at different points in my career, had a therapist • • • have, um, a therapist right now. And so I'm not saying that that's what you need. I'm saying that if you assess • • and you find out that this is a big thing and it's a prolonged thing and it's really impacting your relationships that maybe that's something that you want to consider.
What is listening fatigue or empathy fatigue?
Okay, so let's review what we've just talked about. What is listening fatigue or empathy fatigue? It's the emotional exhaustion and mental drain that happens when the listener • is, • you know, listening to the emotional struggles and frustrations and the complaints, but they're not receiving support or reciprocation themselves. So it's a long term • • impact of it being one sided. • • What are four signs that my spouse or partner or best friend is suffering from listening fatigue? Number one, shortened or non engaged responses. Two is irritability or frustration. • Three, lack of active participation and four, frequent distractions, • lack of eye contact or physical distance. • • • • What are five • • • ways that listening fatigue can negatively impact my relationship? Number one, emotional distance, two, resentment. Three, burnout. Four, loss of empathy and five, unmet emotional needs. • And then what are seven strategies for improving the current situation? • • • • Number one, talk about it. Number two, set boundaries on emotional conversations such as how long and when and where. • • Number three, ask first. Four is reciprocate. Five, share something positive. Six, prioritize downtime together. And number seven is take care of your mental health. • • And I always like to wrap up every episode with a call to action. • • And the call to action is to have a conversation • • • when you, • • um, you know, when you are done listening to this podcast or later this week is to just have a conversation • • • • • • with your partner, your spouse, your best friend. • • So I want to give you a tool that can help with all of this. • Um, because the title of this, • • • uh, free resource that I want to give you is called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. • And I mentioned it at the top, but you know, if you ever feel like you have nothing left at the end of the day and then you feel guilty about that and you know, our jobs as private school leaders are exhausting and emotionally draining. I want to help you • and I've created a free 45 minute masterclass with guided notes. It's a video. You can watch it, you can listen to it just like you do this podcast. It's called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. • • • I'm, um, giving you a plan • and it's yours for free over at the privatesckaleade. Leader.com Winning again. That's your free masterclass called • Winning at School Without Losing at home@the privatescchoolutr.com winning. And then just one final reminder that, you know, sometimes it seems like the parents at our schools are getting more demanding, more intense, more often, and that this is becoming a bigger and bigger part of our job, and a more and more stressful part of our job is dealing with the parents at our school. • And so I've taken everything that I've learned over my career about how to successfully work with parents and put it into a digital online course called Parent Academy. And after I teach you these strategies, • then I'll teach your teachers, and you can check that out@the privatescchoolia.com • • parentacademy and I'd like to ask you to do a favor for me, and that is to just please share the link to this podcast with another leader or a rising leader at your school. • • Um, I can't tell you. It's weekly that I hear that. You know, the way I found this podcast was someone shared this link with me. There are lots of people out there that are, um, that need this content, that are suffering, that are frustrated, that are feeling really lonely and isolated. So just please share the link to the podcast with another leader in your life. And I told you I'd take good care of you in the show notes, and those are at www.the privateschooleader.com/episode 129. • • And, you know, I just really, really appreciate you, all of your hard work, all of the things that you do for those lucky kids and lucky teachers at your school. And I appreciate you taking some of your precious time out of your week to join me here today. • And I will see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
- Lyssna Lyssna igen Fortsätt Lyssnar...
- Lyssna senare Lyssna senare
Episode 128: Do 3 Things Now And 4 Things Later To THRIVE During "The 100 Days Of May"
29 mar· The Private School Leader Podcast
When I was a kid, I learned the following poem:
30 days has September, April, June and November.
All the rest have 31, except for February, it’s the one
Which only has 28 days clear, And 29 in each Leap Year.
Unfortunately, there is a big fat lie hiding in this poem. May actually has 100 days. Well, at least it feels that way in our private schools with all of the: banquets, ceremonies, dances, concerts, teacher observations, final exams, field trips and Graduation.
It is easy to go into survival mode during “The 100 Days Of May”, but we are not going to do that! On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to encourage you to Do 3 Things Now And 4 Things Later To THRIVE During "The 100 Days Of May".
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
I am super excited about a brand new resource that I want to share with you for FREE! It is a 45 minute Masterclass called: “Winning At School Without Losing At Home”. This is a video webinar training complete with guided notes and it will do exactly what the title says. This training will help you to be successful, organized and energized at school while still taking good care of yourself AND your family! Does that sound too good to be true? Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/winning to grab your free Masterclass training Winning At School Without Losing At Home”.
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode128
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So I don't know about you, but when I was a kid I learned • • this little poem • • and it says 30 days has September, April, June and November. All the rest have 31. Except for February, • • it's the one which only has 28 days clear and 29 in each leap year. • • So that probably brought back some memories for some of you. But here's the thing. • • • • That poem has a lie embedded in it. • • And you know, it says that 30 days has September, • • • April, June, and November, all the rest of 31. But see, there's a month on the calendar that has 100 days in it, or at least it feels that way. And that's the month of May. • • And if you're listening to this in real time, we're about, • • um, in late March. So we're about five weeks out from the beginning of the hundred days of May, as we sometimes call it. And you know, why does May feel like it has a hundred days in it? Well, it's because of the concerts and the spring dance and the sports banquet and the national Honor society banquet and the, uh, final exams and teacher observations and school play and field day and art show and spring sports and year end trips and graduation and so on and so on and so on. Okay, so, you know, sometimes we think about that we just want to survive • the month of May. • • And you know, we do this kind of like army crawl across broken glass to get to the last day of school. • • • And we're just in kind of survival mode. But you know, here on this podcast, we like to go from survival mode to thriving. • • And so on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • I'm going to teach you • three things to do now and four things to do later to thrive • during the hundred days of May. • • • •
Talale: I have a brand new resource for you for free
And before we get into that, I just want to tell you I am super excited. I have a brand new resource for you and I want to share it with you for free. • And this is a 45 minute MasterC Classass called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. And this is a video webinar training and it has guided notes • • and it will do exactly what the title says. • • This training will help you be successful, organized and energized at school • • while still taking good care of yourself and your family. • • Now, I know that might sound too good to be true. That might sound like a fairy Talale, but go to the privatescchaler.com winning to grab your free masterclass training. Winning at school without losing at home. That's a 45 minute video webinar with guided notes. • And that's the privatehoolader.com • • • winning. So I really hope that you grab that and I just want to give that to you for free as a way to say thank you for listening to the podcast. • •
On today's episode, we're talking about how to thrive during May
And another question for you. Is it just me or are, uh, the parents at our schools getting more demanding, more intense, more often? • • • • Um, I don't know about you, but it certainly feels that way. And dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools. But it can quickly lead to stress and anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. And that's why I created Parent Academy. And now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious • • to feeling confident and calm. • • And over the last 33 years, I've built successful relationships with thousands of parents. • • And I've packaged all that I've learned • • into an online course. • • • And I teach you during the first four teaching modules, all the strategies, • • and then I teach your teachers the same strategies. • • Because Parent Academy also contains two 45 minute webinars • that are teacher PDs and it has a printable workbook with guided notes and discussion questions. And several schools around the country have already used this plug and play PD with their teachers. And the feedback has been really, really good. So I want you to check this out. You can go to the privatescchoolader.com parentacademy to learn more. That's the privatescchoolader.Com parentacademy • • okay, so on today's episode, we're talking about how to thrive • during the 100 days of May. And I'm going to give you three things to do now and four things to do later. • • And so if you're listening in real time, • we're near the end of March. And so we're about a month out from the 100 days of May. So three things to do now and then four things to do during the month of May. So let's get into it. Number one on your list of things to do now is check your calendar. • • Now, I know that that sounds like duh, of course, check your calendar. But hear me out. I want you to look at your calendar for May, • • but I also want you to compare that to your personal calendar. And many of you probably have your dentist appointment and doctor's appointment and the kids orthodontist appointment already in your school calendar. But if not, you need to merge those because you don't want to be caught up short and get a surprise when it comes to, • • um, school events. • • And depending on the age of your kids, you know, some of them are involved in sports or the musical or other after school activities. And there's a lot of running around and so there's a lot of coordinating. And that becomes even more complex during the month of May. • So you want to merge those calendars. You want to take a look just really sitting down and blocking out key dates • • • • and, you know, looking at, well, when is the board meeting and when do I need to prepare for that? And, you know, it's easy to • • • • become really focused on the events during May because that takes up a lot of headspace and a lot of planning. But there's typically other things that are the normal recurring things that are still happening, like a board meeting or like, • • um, you know, getting ready for, • um, • • • be it achievement tests or finals or, you know, other things that maybe are not event oriented. But take a look even beyond that. And it's like, okay, • • • what are your specific responsibilities with regards to these events and what are the deadlines and's. Here's a big thing. When you're looking at May, okay, • • • I want you to think through the lens of what can I move to April? • • Now, I know what you're thinking. Well, I can't move graduation, I can't move the spring dance or prom. Okay, yes, there are going to be a lot of things that you can't move to April. • • And maybe there's things that you can't move to April this year, but I want you to start thinking about • • moving things out of May. And so maybe it's not the events, maybe it is that you're always getting caught up. • • • Um, • you're trying to get caught up on teacher observations. And it's in the month of May, and you're like, every year I tell myself I'm going to have them done by the end of April. And every year I don't. Okay, • um, that's one way of looking at it. With regards to • • • what are the things that are quote unquote negotiable, what are the things that could be moved • • into May? And so if there's anything, • • whether it's • • • getting yourself slamming yourself in April, so That you're not getting double slammed in May, • • • I think is preferable. • • • And so if you have to jam a bunch of teacher observations into April just so that you don't have any left to do in May, • • • I know that it's going to be worth it for you in the end. And so if it's graduation prep or whatever it is, • • see what you can move • • • out of May into April. And some of that has to do with staffing decisions. You know, every school is on a little bit of a different timeline when it comes to that. Obviously if you're interviewing to try to fill staff positions, that's just going to happen when the candidates are available. But I want you to just kind of take a fresh look at your May calendar, • a fresh look at all of your tasks that you do and think about, okay, which of these things, even if I'm slam during April, which of these things could I move • • into April? Okay, things we're going to do now, number two is to improve communication. • • • So communication • • is super important in our private schools. • • But at busy times of the year like the month of May, • • communication is even more important. But sometimes that's the thing that gets neglected • • and that's super, super problematic. Um, and think about it this way. There's more events that parents are invited to. Sometimes there's more events during the day. I know some of the things that I was mentioning before are more middle school and upper school oriented. But • • you know, whether it's the third grade state fair or the first grade biographies or the, you know, in Inventors, um, • • • • Innovators, m Museum, um, • • • • • um, • • • that the younger students are doing, these are things that parents will come to. And some of them take place during the day, especially with the younger students, • • um, a moving up ceremony, you know, these kinds of things. And so parents who work outside the home, or for that matter parents who um, • are working remotely or um, the working as a stay at home mom, • um, • • • they need time and um, they need advance notice. And it can't feel like it's kind of last minute. And if we are very proactive with the communications, • we can um, make sure that they have plenty of time and that we're showing lots of respect for our families. • • Um, I'll give you a quick example. Um, I was always in charge of the end of year, 6th grade field trip and we went to um, uh, it was like an outdoor environmental education type trip with um, you know, • the other things thrown in there. Kayaking, archery, you know, • • rock wall climbing, all that stuff. Okay. I was in charge of that trip. And so • • • • the packing list, okay, for that trip, you wouldn't think • • • necessarily • • that that needed to get out as early as maybe what the parents are asking for it. • • • But what I learned over the years is that it's best to get that out as early as I could. • • Because • • sometimes parents just their lives are so busy • • and you know, sometimes, let's face it, some of the stuff, it's that they're choosing to be, uh, over scheduled because their kids are in so many activities. • But we don't know their story. You know, they've got aging parents, they've got doctor's appointments that they've got to go to. • Um, they've got all kinds of stuff that's going on. Maybe it's a single parent home, you know. So we just want to give them as much notice as possible. You know, something like the sixth grade year end, um, • • field trip, • um, • overnight trip with the packing list. So that's just one example. Um, but now's the time, you know, late March, early April is the time to make sure that our communications are locked down, that they're solid. •
To thrive during the 100 days of May, we need to improve communication
Um, and one way we can start is just by clarifying roles. You know, um, • • • I can't remember exactly who um, said this quote right now. Um, but the quote is that the biggest illusion with communication, the biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred. And so we often think that, um, • • you we said it and so that means we communicated. But how many times can you think back to when it was like pointing fingers or people were saying, well I thought you know, and this and that. And so that's true about communication and it's also true about who's in charge of the different roles to get ready for these events. So specifically, • • um, the uh, task number two that we're going to do now • • • to thrive during the 100 days of May is to improve communication. And then task number three is that we're going to use chat_pt • • • so let me explain how we can use chat GPT to help us thrive during the 100 days of May. • • So you open up chat GPT and you just fully describe the event in the box • • • and you just write everything in there that you possibly can. So for example, let's say my school, uh, my most recent school went up to eighth grade and eighth grade graduation is what I'm describing. So I'm describing eighth grade graduation in the gym, this many students, um, • probably about this many guests. • • Um, • • • there's music, there's speeches, there's • • video, u um, there's, you know, needs to be photos of each graduate when they get their diploma. Group photo, like refreshments in the cafeteria. • Um, you know, just everything that you can think of, • • • you write it into Chat GPT, just type it all in there. Okay. And then you ask GPT to create a checklist of all necessary tasks and items • for that event. • • And I guarantee you that there are going to be things that pop up there that you didn't think of or that you forgot or that every year is like, oh, man, we forgot about this or that. And so for your events. And this doesn't have to be you as the school leader • • that's doing this, this. You know, I know that some of you have a small team or no team, but if you have someone working in the office, this would be a good task for them. And then they can copy and paste that and dump it into a Google Doc, name it and then share it, and then you can edit it a little bit. But I'm telling you, this can be, • • • um, a win in a few different ways. One is helping you to not forget things, • but the other is, is that you're documenting recurring events. And let's face it, we have turnover • • • in our schools and we have turnover as to who's in charge of these different events. And isn't it frustrating when you. There's someone new and we want them to be in charge of • • XYZ event, • • but we don't have something to hand them. So diagrams, checklists, • • um, all the things, • • um, we can get an assist from Chat GPT on • these issues. So to just review the three things that we're going to do now to thrive during the 100 days of May, number one, check your calendar. Number two, improve communication. And number three, use chat GPT. • •
Trust and delegate during the 100 days of May to thrive as school leaders
And now we're going to move on to the four things that we're going to do later. So these are four things that you're going to do in, during the month of May. Okay? So number one is trust and delegate. • • So • • during the 100 days of May, as school leaders, • • • • sometimes you feel like you're doing everything, • • • and sometimes it's because you are doing everything. • • And so, • • • • uh, all of the people that are, all of the audience members that are listening to this episode, • • • • each of us have a different • • • degree of effectiveness with delegation. Some of us are really good at it and some of us are really terrible at it. And so we just have to lean into • • • delegation and trust. And you're like, yeah, well, I'm a small team and I don't really trust my people to do this. And so then what that leads to is you micromanaging it. • • • • And I think that your team is probably more capable than what you think. • • • And if you're really clear on I need you to do this and make sure that you're telling and not asking. • • • Make sure they understand that you're telling and not asking. But then follow up with an email of the verbal conversation. • • And this is a great place where then that Google Doc with the checklist that Chat GPT gave us and assist the diagram of what the gym is supposed to look like, you know, that's where these things come in handy because you can share that with the person that you're delegating it to and then you're going to check in and make sure that this and that are handled. But if you are tired of doing everything, • • • then it does take some effort, it takes some time, it takes a little bit of courage, it takes some trust. • • But one of the ways to thrive during the 100 days of May is to trust and then delegate. • • And we're going to get an assist by using our Google Docs that were checklists that were helped by CheatGPT to create so that then these can be things that are referred to and it's not all verbal. I just think that's part of our problem in private schools is we're in such a hurry that we have these conversations or we say stuff at meetings and then stuff doesn't happen and then everyone's mad and everyone's pointing fingers. So we just have to get some stuff down onto Google Docs in addition to those verbal conversations. • •
One thing we need to do in May is become super focused on self care
Okay. • • The second thing that we're going to do now to thrive during the hundred days of May • or uh, excuse me, that we're going to do in May is that we are going to become super focused on self care. • • • So I'm talking about drinking enough water • • • and • getting enough sleep and the kind of food that you're eating. And you know May lends itself to a lot of fast food and a lot of drive thrs, you know, after events, • • um, • • • • moving your body a little bit, getting some fresh air. And so I get it, like this time of year isn't the time of year for you to • • • • • um, you know, be starting an exercise program. But what I'm talking about is, you know, maybe being more intentional about getting outside during recess. You know, for that 10 minutes • can make a huge difference • with um, some fresh air, some sunshine, • • • • • • interacting with some kids, • • um, seeing some kids with um, smiling faces, having Some fun, because in May we become super focused • on the outcomes. Was this event a success? Were there enough garbage cans? Was there enough toilet paper in the bathrooms? Was there, were there enough, um, refreshments? And all of that is important. • But we become super events and outcomes, • • uh, oriented in May. • • And often what we forget about is why we're doing this in the first place. It's because of the kids. • • And so we need to make sure that we're interacting with kids. And I've said before, I did an episode on it. I can link it in the show notes@the privatescchooler.com episode 128. • • • I've said it before, there's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. • • • I think it's, um, super important during May for you to be even more intentional, • • even if it's just for five minutes a day or 10 minutes twice a week to go to the joy, you know, pop into class, a classroom, um, read a story to kindergarten. And I can hear what you're saying, what you're thinking. You're like, yeah, right. That is the time of year where I have the least amount of time to do that thing. I know, but it's also the time of year when you need to do that the most. • • And so if you do the math on, you know, how long five minutes is out of your 168 hours of your week, • it's an incredibly small number, but it can have a disproportionately large positive impact on your week. • • And then the last thing is, is that weeknights and weekends become especially important during the month of May. • And I know that sometimes your weeknights and weekends are taken up with some of these activities, • • with some of these banquets or concerts or graduations, • • • um, and maybe depending on the age of your kids, um, either going to grad parties or all these other things, I get that. But to just be as protective as of your weeknights and weekends as possible during May, because you've heard it before, you can't pour from an empty cup. • And if you start with a full cup on May 1st and you don't do anything to put any water back in that cup over the course of the 31 days of May or the 100 days of May, • • your thing'going to be empty along about day seven or nine. Okay, so we need to do some things combining this, you know, focus on self care with being intentional about going to the joy, trying to get some sleep, um, and trying to take care of Ourselves and • • just really emphasizing that more than at really any other point in the year. The only other time I could equate it to is that week of teacher and service and the first week of school. Um, um, it'it's. That stressful and that exhausting. So we need to take care of ourselves. The third thing that we're going to do in May is we're going to celebrate. • • • So this is something that I actually learned from my wife because I would come home from an event and she would say, well, how did it go? And I'd be like, well, it went really well. And she's like, well, that's worth celebrating. And I'd be like, what do you mean? And my wife would say, well, • • you put as much work into the thing if it's, uh, a success as you do if the thing is a complete failure. • • And • • she's right. And, • um, we need to pause • and celebrate and enjoy these events because we are so • • • action. • • We have a bias towards action as school leaders. And it's all about, go, go, go. And it's all about what's next. Okay, what's next? Boom. Check that off. Sports banquet. Boom. What's next? Okay, middle school awards assembly. Okay, boom. What's next? Um, um, dance. Okay, what's next? • • • • I get that, and that's how we have to be to kind of get through. • • But • • I think • • the mindset of next, next, next plus fatigue • • • equals • • not displaying gratitude and not celebrating the wins. And I'm going to say that again. I think the mindset of next, next, next plus fatigue equals not displaying gratitude and not celebrating the wins. And so the displaying gratitude part is there's a lot of people that make these things happen. • • And so whether it's in the staff memo the next morning, • • • um, if it's on morning announcements, • • if it's in the all school religious service weekly or daily, the chapel mass to Fila, if it's an all school assembly • • • • and you're just, • • • um, in writing in the staff memo or verbally in those other spaces, • just saying thank you so much for • • • everybody that helped out with the dance last night or everyone that helped out with, um, • you know, the sports banquet last night or whatever the case might be, I think the morning after • thank you email or at least the morning after thank you paragraph at the very top of the daily memo, if you have a daily memo is super important • • because those people are tired too. Okay, we're tired, but they're tired too. And they worked hard and they got home late as well, and they on their feet all day. And a little goes a long way when we express gratitude. But when we don't express gratitude, I feel like it feels disproportionately crappy to our people, to our teachers and our team. And so you're like, well, how am I going to do that? Because I have good intentions but I don't follow through and blah, blah, blah. • • • Um, that's where schedule send is your best friend. • • I mean, you can write a nice email on a Tuesday at 1pm • • • that's going to schedule send on Friday morning at 8am when the middle school dances on the Thursday night. • • And it's like, oh, well, that's disingenuous. Is it? • Is it what? What's better? Not sending the email. Okay, so I'm just saying that we need to use our brains • • and if we're not going to have the, um, • • energy to send that, to write that email at 11 o'clock on the Thursday night when we get home from the event, then we need to be proactive, but we need to be thanking our people. And then we also need to be celebrating and trying to be present and enjoying the moment. Like it's • • when these kids are up there • • and they're doing their thing. It's the band concert or it's the spring musical, or it's the art show and they're so proud of the thing that they created. Or it's graduation and it's the kid that cried every single day in fourth grade and now it's eighth grade and they're up there graduating and getting some award. I mean, that's why we do what we do is those transformations that we help, • uh, work with our teachers to make happen and create a culture where • • those kids can blossom, we got to be, try and be present in the moment. And I was bad at that. And earlier in my career I had my head on a swivel and I'm looking for all the stuff, whether it's security or maintenance or the sound system or whatever it is. I get that. And you're still not going to be able to turn off that part of your brain. • • • But I think it's really important • that we pause • • • • and try to be present and enjoy the moment. Because May is often a month of celebrations. • • • And if we're not celebrating those kids • • • • and all it is is that we're running an event, • • I think that that's a recipe for you feeling unfulfilled at work. • And so since May hasn't happened yet, hopefully, if you're listening to this in • late March or and April, there's still time for us to kind of change our intentionality and mindset about that. • •
One of the ways to improve May is to improve the events
And then that brings us to the fourth and final thing that we're going to do • • in May. And that is that you're going toa start your better May next year Google Doc. Okay, so let me hit you with that again. • Start your quote, better May next year, end quote, Google Doc. You're literally gonna start a Google Doc that's titled Better May next year. • • Because every year • • May is so busy • • that while you're in the moment you're like, oh man, it was really hard to hear the graduation speaker. We need to update that sound system or you know, the place that makes the trophies for the sports banquet. They misspelled like three kids names again. Uh, this year. • • Okay, well, in the moment you're frustrated, but where do you capture that so that you're not sitting there a year from now being annoyed that you can't hear the graduation speaker • or talking to the parent that's frustrated because their kid's name is misspelled again on the trophy? • Because you need to change • • the place, you need to change the business that you're, um, • you know, supporting that's making the trophies for your sports banquet. Where are you going to capture that? • • • • • Well, if you have a better May next year Google Doc, • you just make a note, you know, sound system for graduation or trophies for sports banquet, misspelled names or whatever. And so that's the first step is you're creating the Google Doc, you're putting stuff in there. You're going to turn your frustration in the present into action in the future. • • • • Let m me say that again. You're turning your frustration in the present in May • • into action in the future. • • • • That's really hard because you're just trying to get through the 100 days of May. • • • But what I want for you • • is for each May to get a little easier, a little more streamlined, a little more organized, a little less stressful. • • And one of the ways to do that is to improve the events. • • And one of the ways to improve the events is to have that Google Doc. And • also we need to review or reflect or get feedback about these events. And you're like, yeah, okay, that's, you know, blah, blah, blah, that's frustrating and I don't have the time for that. Okay, I get it. But in April you could set it up. • • • Think about this. • • In April you could create a Google form that is like just the three questions. What, • • • • what was the best part of this event. What went well, um, what didn't go well and um, what would your, your suggestions for changing it in the future? You could use the same Google Form M for every event in May. Okay. • • And then you could schedule send to • • a division, the intermediate school or all the lower school, if it's lower school choral concert, for example. • Um, you could schedule send for the morning after • • • all of those • • • emails with a link to that Google Form. • • And then all of that stuff just populates the Google Sheet. • • And you don't even have to look at it during May. But then you could go back to it in the summertime or in the fall when you're going to pull out your better May next year Google Doc. • • Okay. It's a dumping ground for all the feedback, the Google Sheet. • • And if you don't know how to make a Google form or you don't know how to make a Google form, talk to a Google Sheet. I didn't used to know how to do that either. I watched a couple of YouTube videos and I figured it out. It's pretty simple. • And so just to review that one real quick, • • you're gonna make, you're going to start a better May next year Google Doc. • • • • And when you think of stuff that is frustrating in the present, • • you're going to throw it in there so that you can take action on it in the future. • • • And then • • • the advanced step, quote, unquote advanced, is you want to get feedback from the people • • involved with the event. • • And you could proactively • • • create up, uh, one Google form • • that you know. And the first question on the Google form could be name of event. • • And then like I said, three questions. What went well? What didn't go well? What are your suggestions for improving this event • • and that Google form that, uh, those four questions, you're getting all that feedback. • • Is everyone going to fill it out? No. • • • Um, do you have time to read all that stuff in May? No. • • But maybe the second week of October you do. • And this is the way that we're going to have each year m • • • get better • • and the events get better and the events get less stressful and more organized • is we're not going to just run it back year after year exactly the same way. We're going to make it better and then you're going to revisit that in the summer or in the fall. But the last piece of that is that you're going to put it in your calendar. So maybe on October • • • 11th it says, • • • • • um, better • • • May next year Google Doc for 30 minutes on a Tuesday morning or something like that. So calendar it so that it actually happens • • • once the school year is s underway and things have settled down a little bit.
Three things to do now to thrive during the hundred days of May
All right, let's wrap it up. • • • Three things to do now • • to thrive during the hundred days of May. • Uh, one check your calendar. Two, improve communication and three, use chat, GPT • • and four things to do later during the month of May. Number one, trust and delegate to become super focused on self care. Three, celebrate and show gratitude. Number four, • start your better May next year. Google Doc • • and your call to action is to do at least one of the do now tasks. • • • • Do it now within the next couple weeks and then put a calendar reminder for late April to listen to this episode again. Because let's face it, the four things that you're going to do during May, when May rolls around, you're not going to remember. So put a calendar invitation, you can insert a link, copy, paste. Let's say you listen to this on Apple Podcast. You could put a link to this episode right there in the calendar invitation to yourself so that you remember to listen to it and then do the things that we just talked about because these are making sense to you. I know they are and you want to do them, but you're going to forget them. So you might need to revisit this. And even if that calendar reminder gets you just going to the show Notes to take a look, that's fine. You don't necessarily have to listen to the whole thing again.
Mark Minkus: I've created a new resource that I'm excited about
So I just want to ask you a quick question as we wrap things up. Do you ever feel • • like you have nothing left at the end of the day for your family and then maybe feel a little guilty about that? • • Well, that's because our jobs are physically exhausting and emotionally draining • and I want to help you with that. And I've created a new resource that I mentioned at the top of the episode that I'm super excited about and it's a free 45 minute masterclass and it's called Winning at School Without Losing at Home. And I want to get this into your hands. The video, the guided notes • • and • it's at the privatescgalutr.com winning where you can grab your free masterclass training. Winning at School Without Losing at home. • • The 45 minute video webinar masterclass and guided notes are there for you for free@the privatescgider.com • • • winning and then one last reminder about Parent Academy. I really believe it could be a game changer for you and your teachers. • • Four modules for you, two 45 minute PDs for your teachers. • So far, schools in North Carolina, Ohio and Texas and California have used it. And the feedback is really, really great. And so check that out. The PrivateQualader.com • ParentAcademy and then one last favor. If you could just please share the link to this podcast with another leader that you know, a leader in your life, a school leader. And, um, with a rising leader at your school. That's how we're going to get the word out and get this content into their hands so that they can learn all of these, • • um, • • these tools and these strategies as well. And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I just want to say I appreciate you and all the hard work you're doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 127: This One Strategy Will Significantly Increase Your Productivity AND Make You Better At Delegating
22 mar· The Private School Leader Podcast
I want to know if any of these statements describe a typical day at school for you:
You run around putting out fires, playing “Whack-A-Mole” with your hair on fire.You finally get back to your office and sit down at your desk, but you don’t know what to do next. So, you stare blankly at your computer screen for a while and then you start checking emails.When you look at your “to do list” you immediately feel overwhelmed because it is so long, so big and so disorganized.
If that sounds like your typical day, then you are in good company. I just described a “day in the life” of about 90% of private school leaders. That’s the bad news.
The good news is that around 10% of Private School Leaders are feeling productive, energized and organized. I want to teach you a strategy that will move you from the 90% to the 10%.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to teach you the One Strategy Will Significantly Increase Your Productivity AND Make You Better At Delegating.
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school.
Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode127
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • So I want to describe your day at school and see if I'm accurately describing it. So I'm going to say a few things that are • • my theory, my hypothesis, my guess • on you at school, • • and you tell me if this describes your day. All right, • • first of all, running around with your hair on fire, • • putting out fires while playing whack a mole, • • • running around with your hair on fire, putting out fires while playing whack a mole. Is that you? • • All right, number two, • • you finally get back to your office, you sit down, and you don't even know what to do next. And you stare at your screen on your computer, and you open up your email inbox and start going through some emails • • • • • • and description. Number three, • • • if you do get clear on what to do, • • • you start to look at your to do list and you immediately get overwhelmed because it's so long and so big and so disorganized. • • • • • •
About 90% of private school leaders feel this way, I've found
All right, well, I think that I probably described • • many of our listeners because • in my experience with all of my coaching clients • • • • and with members of PSL Pro, • • what I'm finding is what I just described is about 90% of private school leaders feel this way. And this is the way that your day goes. Constant interruptions. • • • • • And so • • I, uh, do want to tell you that you're in good company, • • you know, 90% • of school leaders. But that probably doesn't make you feel any better. • But here's something that I want you to hear. • • • • • If 90% are feeling this way, then that means that 10% of private school leaders are feeling productive and energized and organized and that they bounce back quickly from interruptions and that they always know what to do next. • • • • • And so, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, I'm going to teach you • • the one strategy that will significantly increase your productivity and make you better at, ah, delegating. • • • •
I created Parent Academy to help parents deal with demanding private school parents
So before we do that, I got a question. Another question for you. Is it just me or the parents at our schools getting more demanding, more intense more often? You know, dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but we know it can also quickly lead to stress, anxiety, and feeling overwhelmed. • • And so that's why I created Parent Academy. And now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. And over the last 33 years, I've built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I've packaged everything that I know into an online course. • • And then I teach you those principles and those strategies in four teaching modules. And then after that, I teach your teachers as well. • Because parent academy contains two 45 minute webinars that are teacher PDs with a 27 page printable notebook, guided notes, discussion questions that you can use at your next PD or your next faculty meeting. • • • So go to the privatescchoolleader.com parentacademy to learn more. That's the privatescual leader.com parentacademy • and I want to give you a free resource as a way of saying thank you for listening to the podcast. • • And this one's called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. And this is a 10 page PDF that will help you keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. • We know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and stressful, and this common sense guide will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school.
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders feel supported
So you can go to the privatesccluter.comlawsuit and grab the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. That's just a free resource for you as a way of saying thank you for listening. And that's the privatescalluter.com • • lawsuit. And then real quick, I just wanted to remind you that recently I launched PSL Pro, which is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported. And I know that being a private school leader feels very lonely and very isolating. But I can tell you this, that we have a thriving community of school leaders. • • And they get it. They know what it's like to be a private school leader. They get you. • And we go live every week, whether it's a MASTERC class or group coaching. Twice a month. We do the We get it roundtable. • • Um, we have a live Q and A coming up later this week. • • And here's the thing, those roundtables, • • I'll tell you some of the things that are being said there as far as just the support. And I see you and it gets better. And you know that's hard. And just being in a space where other people are going through the Same struggles as you is priceless. • Um, and you know, this is another thing I want to tell you is, is that PSL Pro comes with • • a success path that's a step by step plan to help you go from where you are today to where you want to be. And there's all these different levels. The overwhelmed drifter, the intentional architect, the skilled builder, all the way up to the fulfilled mentor. And so you choose your level and then you get content that guides you step by step. • • Thrive Academy • • • • • that will get you to the top of that pyramid. The fulfilled mentor. • And along the way, then you've got a supportive community of other private school leaders just like you showing up, posting, encouraging, motivating, • • and so • • all of that • for a dollar a day. • • • So if that's something that sounds interesting to you, go to the privatescgalia.com membership and check that out. Privatehool leader.com • • • membership. Algh.
Learn one strategy that will significantly increase your productivity and make you better at delegating
So we're talking about productivity, we're talking about being overwhelmed, we're talking about not knowing what to do. And I'm going to teach you one strategy that will significantly increase your productivity and make you better at delegating. And see, • delegating is something that, uh, most of us are not very good at. And so we're going to kind of double dip in this episode. We're gonna talk about. I'm gonna give you a very clear plan • • • not only to be more productive, but also to help you be better at delegating. • • And I want to give you a couple of disclaimers before I give you this strategy. • • • • The first one is that doing this strategy, getting this set up is gonna take some time. M. It's gonna take some hours to do this. • • And I can hear what you're thinking already. It's like, well, I'm out already. I don't have a minute, much less an hour. But I'm telling you that if you want to go from being in the 90% to being in the 10%, • • • • that • • • setting aside some hours, even if this is stretched out over weeks, • • um, um, this is something that will be • • a game changer for you. Okay? The second disclaimer is you are going to be interrupted when you're trying to do this. And that's going to be super frustrating. Discouraging. • • • Um, • • you are going to feel like giving up partway through doing this because it's taking time • • • and it's also going to maybe even remind you of some undone tasks. • • • • • • But if you stick it out, it will make you more productive and it will make you better at Delegating, you will always know what to do next. • • Your • • • • • to do list won't be this overwhelming thing and you'll be spending more time on the things that actually matter instead of everyone else's priorities. • • • • • • Okay, so those are the disclaimers out of the way. • • • • • And this strategy is called the three thirds strategy. Three thirds. So just imagine a fraction three over three. We're going to learn the three thirds strategy today and you'll understand why it's called that shortly. • • • • •
I encourage you to do something else while listening to the podcast
Okay, I'm going to talk, I'm going toa walk you through these six steps • • • • • • • and I always encourage you to do something else while you're listening to the podcast. So you're walking the dog, you're driving to school, you're running some errands, you're working out. Awesome. I'm so glad that you're multitasking and listening. • And as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@thepr privatescchool.com Episode 127 • • so just listen to the strategies and then when you go to do them, • • • I'm just going to copy and paste my script here today that I, that I created and put those into the show notes so that you could literally go step by step, bullet by bullet through and do this 3 3rd strategy. Okay? So just listen if you're multitasking and if you're sitting there with some paper, you know, jot down some notes. But either way, um, it'll be there for you in the show notes when you're ready.
Step one is gathering tasks. Okay, so gather tasks. Step two is creating a school calendar
Okay? Step one is gather tasks. Okay, so gather tasks. So what I'm going to have you do is to get a piece of paper, • um, preferably like one of these big long yellow legal pads. But really it doesn't matter. Just a piece of paper. And if you're more a person that likes to use, um, the computer, use, um, a Google Doc. You, if you prefer. I find it easier to write stuff down so I can scratch stuff out and this and that, but really, whatever doesn't matter. Just get a piece of paper Google Doc, okay? • • • Now you're going to gather • • • • • all of the things that you do over the course of a year. And I can tell you this, you're not going TOA remember about 50% of them. If you just sat down and started listing them from memory, • • • you're never going to get even close. Okay, so you're like, okay, well how am I going to gather • • all the tasks that I do? All right, I'm going to tell you a few things. You're going to print out your job description. And, um, • or if you're doing it on the computer, it's going to be an open tab at the top of your computer. So you're going to print out your job description, you're going to print out your school calendar. • Well, why would I print out my school calendar? Okay, when you look at that, you're gonna go through and be like, oh, yeah, I forgot about that event. And oh, yeah, parent teacher conferences. And I do this, and oh, yeah, the middle school dance, and I do this, and oh, you know, there'all the things that you're going to see on the school calendar. And then we're going to take that a step further and you're going to open up your calendar. So whether you use Google Calendar or whatever calendar you use, and you're literally going to while you're gathering your tasks, • • and I'll get to that in a minute as far as what we're going to do with all these tasks. But you got your Google Calendar open, you've got your job description, you've got your school calendar. • Um, you've also got a copy of the employee handbook in the family handbook nearby. • • And you're like, well, why would I do that? Okay, well, if you scan the table of contents, you don't have to read the whole thing, but if you scan the table of contents of the employee handbook and the family handbook, you're going to remember about 15 tasks that you're like, oh, yeah, I forgot. I actually do that too. Okay. There. It could be hundreds. Okay. And I would just want to pause here and take a quick sidebar. • • • You're like, mark, I thought you were trying to help me, not freak me out about all the things that I do and then remind me about all the things that I haven't gotten to. I get that there might be some emotions that you have to navigate to do this and do it well. • • But I'm telling you, in the end, it's gonna be worth it. It's gonna take time, it's going to feel tedious, it's going to feel cumbersome. It might even feel a little bit overwhelming to gather all of these tasks. But there's a plan, there's a method to the madness, there's an outcome that we're looking for. But the first thing we have to do is capture, gather and capture all of the things that you do. • • • • And so • • • • we're gathering the employee handbook, the family handbook, anything else that might remind you of a task that you do during the school year, no matter how small it is. And then we're going to do one more thing, and that's we're going to use Chat GPT. Okay? I'm a big fan of Chat GPT. You've heard me talk about that before. The ways that it can help with. You have a new position at your school and you're trying to generate a job description and just different things on that. I did an episode on that. I can link it in the show notes. But anyways, what are you going toa do with Chat GPT? All right, you're going to go in there and in the box where you write what you want it to do, you're going to thoroughly describe your job, • • and then you're also going to thoroughly describe your school. • • • • • And then you're Gonna ask Chat GPT to generate a list of 300 tasks • that a leader in this position does. • • Okay? So just you're describing your job, you're describing your position, you're describing your school of the size and the grades and the, uh, how many teachers and all this stuff. Generate a list of 300 tasks that a person in this position does. Now, probably about 250 of those as you just scan it. You know, you're just going toa scan it. Probably about 250 of those • • are already going to be gathered in your other, um, documents and other materials. • • But there's probably going to be 25 to 50 that you're like, oh yeah, I do that too. Okay, so that's really what this step one is about, is like the oh yeah moment, you know, because there's so many things that you forget that you do. So step one is gather tasks. Okay, step two then. Now that you've got all your stuff, • • • step two is called the task dump. • • • Now I want you to brace yourself • because I keep giving disclaimers. • Part of this is gonna suck. Okay? Part of this isnna just feel big and overwhelming and hard and it's like, oh my goodness, like this. He keeps talking and he keeps saying step two and step three and blah, blah. Um, uh, okay, I get it. But I'm telling you, • • • • we've got to first of all identify everything that you do. • • • • • And now we're going to get it down on paper. • • • • • And again, Trust me, • • if 127 episodes in you don't trust me yet, I'm not sure why you're still listening to this podcast. • • • I appreciate that trust • • and I treasure that trust, • • but I need you to trust me on this one, that this is Going to change the way you interact with your tasks at school if you just stick with this strategy.
Step one, task dump. You're going to write down every single task
Okay, step two, task dump. • • • • You're going to write down every single task that you do during a year, a school year, and the summer. • • • • Some tasks are once a year things. Arrange the ushers for the spring musical. You know, that's a thing I do because the Sunday performance is a big one and, • • • • you know, we want to fill every seat. And so I, you know, • • am the one who • people tend to listen to. And so I get a couple other people who are gonna, you know, arrange usher for spring musical. Some of your tests are once a year, some of them are daily. • • You're going to write that. Just dump. Don't worry about ranking them. Don't worry about, like me. And sometimes it's, here's my suggestion is to go chronologically through the year. • • • • That's why you have your Google Calendar open. You know, you could start by just, you know, start with your job description, let's say, okay, and then write down all the tasks that you do and then maybe move on to the handbooks and scan those. • • And then maybe go through the year chronologically by looking at your school calendar and then having your Google Calendar open. And oh, yeah, I do that and I do that and I forgot that I clean up after the middle school dance too. Uh, just write down all the tasks • • • and, • you know, you're going to then, you know, scan that chat GPT • • list. • Um, • another thing you could do is to go in. If I use Google, um, docs and Google folders and all that, um, • • • you could go and just take a quick look in Google folders and see it's like, oh, yeah, accreditation or oh, yeah, you know, um, board reports or, you know, • Google Google folders. The names of Google folders. I'm not saying go through every document in Google Docs, but just even scanning the names of the Google folders is going to bring up, um, tasks that you do. So we're doing a task dump where on this piece of paper, or quite honestly, multiple, multiple pieces of paper. You're just writing down all the tasks. Okay, step two, task dump. • • Step three in the three thirds strategy. • • Remember what, let's keep our eyes on the prize. You're gonna be way more productive. You're gonna always know what to do next and you're gonna be better at delegating.
Step three is called task ranking. All right, we're going to rank the tasks
Okay, • step three is called task ranking. • • • • All right, we're going to rank the tasks. • • A clean sheet of paper, a blank Google Doc, • • and you're just going to • start ranking by importance. • • • So if you were to pick the number one most important thing that you do, • • let's say it's like protecting the school from litigation or keeping kids safe, or maybe it's some tasks surrounding the financial stability of the school, you know, those are going to be in your top 10 most likely. • • • • And you don't have to be precise. Like you don't have to spend any time wondering, oh, should this be task 21 or task 22? • • • Well, you know, it doesn't matter. Just • • start dumping them. And again, this is where three thirds of um, the mindset of that, um, three different sections, sort of like • • the top third that's like things that only you can do, the middle third that are things that you do with others, and the bottom third, which are things I'll tell you in a few minutes that I think that probably some m. Other people could do, • • just kind of start dumping them into • • the ranking. Bym, um, • • • you know, just by zones. Okay. Or by third. So yeah, this seems like a top third thing. You know. Okay. You don't have to be super precise, but what you're going to do is you're going to go through and just start, start ranking them by um. What I do is, is that I take my task dump, • • • • I've got all of these things, • • and then I'm just going to put a line through it and then migrate that to the task ranking and I'm going to rank it and I don't have to be precise. So, you know, not all tasks are created equally. It's like I mentioned, cleaning up after the middle school dance. • Okay, where's that on your list? Popping into classrooms. That's probably in the top third. Creating the master schedule that might be in the top 10. • • Sending handwritten note, • • uh, handwritten thank you note to a big donor. Well, that might be top four. Right. • • Um, arrange the end of your field trip to Washington D.C. speak at graduation. Arrange of subs when someone calls off sick. • You know, a lot of those sound like they're in the top third, • • • but there's also a lot of stuff in the middle and a lot of stuff near the bottom that we do. And so, • um, the easiest thing to forget when you're doing your task ranking or for that matter when you're doing your task dump. • • Proactive planning. • • • • It doesn't happen that often, but they're, you know, time set aside to • • • • um, think about and plan regarding the, um, enrollment strategy for the year, um, regarding, you know, recruitment and retention or the messaging at our school. • Um, because if we keep running it back and doing the same thing the exact same way, and we don't do any proactive planning and we're just surviving the day, we are not serving our schools the way that we could or should. • • And you're like, well, Mark, I can barely get through the day. I get it. That's why I'm talking to you about this. Okay. Because the margin and the clarity • • that this method, this strategy creates is actually going to create time • for you to do a little proactive planning for you to get into those classrooms, for you to do the things that are on your good intentions list. • • • • • • •
Step three is taking all of the tasks that were in our task dump
All right, • • • • so step three, we're taking all of these tasks that were in our task dump, and we're ranking them 1, 2, whatever question mark. It could be 300, it could be 100, I don't know. But you're just going to rank them all, and you don't have to be precise. Okay, step four, • • we're calling this three thirds. • This is where the three thirds part of the title comes of. This strategy comes in this big, long list. You are going to rank it • • from, • um, you're gonna rank. You're gonna rank them, but you're going to draw a couple of lines. So let me explain what I mean. • So let's say that you have 100testass on this list. • • The reason it's called 3/3 is because we're going to divide this list of tasks into three equal sections. So let's say you have 100 tests. So then you're going to draw a line underneath • • number 33 and then underneath 66. • • If you have 300 tasks, you're going to draw a line under task 100 and under task 200. So just imagine • • this big, long list, and you've got a top third, a middle third, a bottom third. Okay? And I said this before, top third are things that only • you can do. • • The middle third are probably going to be tasks that • • you do with help from others. And the bottom third, I'm going to make the case and help you to do this is the bottom third. A lot of things you can eliminate or delegate. • • • But think about. Let's just pause and think about what we've accomplished so far. • • You've taken all of the tasks as best you can. You've done a great job • • of gathering all of this together, • • • • and then you dumped them • • • into a document or on a piece of paper as far as all the tasks. And then you rank them by most important to least important. And then you've drawn A line, two lines so that you've got your top third, middle third, bottom third. Algh. You're doing great. • • • • • Step five has to do with the bottom third. And then step six, which is the final step, is going to be how this all ties together. Okay?
Step five is eliminate and delegate tasks on the bottom third of your list
So step five is eliminate and delegate tasks on the bottom third of the list. • • So we're going to start with the bottom of the list. We're not going to start with the top of the list. • • • • • This part of the list • • • is the difference • • between • • • you leaving at the end of the day with nothing left, • • overwhelmed, • frustrated, • • • • • burn out, • • • • nothing left in the tank for yourself or for your loved ones • • • • • versus • • • • • having a little bit of pep in your step, • a little bit left in the tank, • • feeling a little bit like you got something done today. • • • • • • • • • • It the gold, the opportunity • • • lies in the bottom third of this list. • • • • • Because these are tasks • • • that we could • • possibly eliminate • • or • • delegate. • • • • Algh. • • • We're going to take a first pass through this list, the bottom third of the list, and then you're going to • • • • put a line through or just x out • • • • things that you can eliminate. Think about it this way. When you go through your email inbox, • • • there are certain things that as soon as you get them, you unsubscribe from them. • • • • • • I want you to have the mindset of unsubscribing from certain tasks. • • • • There are things that you do that maybe you don't need to do. Okay, • • so there won't be that many, but there will be some. • • And we're just going to put an X through them, and we're just going to stop doing them. And you're like, well, what doesn't someone else need to do them? Well, if someone else needs to do them, we're going to delegate them. But I'm going to say that I think that there are some tasks • • that just don't need to be done. A few, not very many, but a few. So we're going to eliminate those. We're going to unsubscribe from those tasks. Okay? • • And then • before you go through the second time to start to delegate, I want you to picture someone's face. So when you are in the moment, when you've done the first • • four steps and now you're working on the bottom third of your list, we're in step five. • Before you start going through and delegating, • • • I want you to picture the face of someone that you care about. • Maybe it's your spouse or partner, maybe it's one of your kids, • somebody that you love very much. • • • You're like, well, why are you asking me to do that? Because • • • • you having the courage and the clarity and the follow through • • and setting aside a little ego • • • • to actually delegate these tasks, • • • • that person that you're picturing right now, • • they're the ones that are going to benefit from it • • because they're going to get a more present version of you • • and you are going to be around longer with less physical health problems and less mental health problems. • • That those are the stakes. • • • • And so I know that some of us don't like to delegate because we're just indirect or we're don't want to bother people or we don't want toceive be perceived as being lazier, that we're, you know, above this task or whatever. Okay, I get it. But that's also a recipe for • • • all the things that you don't want as far as your, • • uh, burnout and exhaustion and frustration and feeling unfulfilled and wanting to quit your job. • • • So • • • • I want you to go through this list and I want you to think of one question • • • and if you could, tattoo it on your eyeballs, • • • but literally you can write • • next to those • • • numbers at the bottom of third of your list, write the word who with a question mark after it. • • Who with a question mark after it is the big question. • • • Not if we should delegate this task • • • who • • • get off of if and get on to who. Okay. • • • • And we also have to get over ourselves a little bit because if this person • • • can do the task • • • • • 60 to 70% as well as you can, we need somebody else to do it. • • And I want to pause because I can hear what some of you are saying. You're like, mark, you don't get it. I'm a one person show. • • • • • I have a part time office staff member. Who the heck am I going to delegate these things to? • • • • • Okay, • • • • • well, • • • • • • it might be to teachers, • • • it might be to, uh, volunteers. • • • If you have a school, you have at least a few teachers. • • If you have a school, you have students and you have parents of those kids. • • And here's the thing, if you're going to look at the bottom third of the list and delegate it through the lens of, well, I don't really have anybody that I can delegate it to, then you probably shouldn't bother. • • • • But if you look at that bottom third of the list • • and you picture the person's face that you love, that you want to be more physically and emotionally present for that person, • • then you're going to do this task • and you're going to put the word who question mark next to it. • • • • And you're going to get off of if I should or if I shouldn't, and you're going to get to getting. Unlocking that creative part about who. • • • • • I'm not saying every single thing in the bottom third can be delegated, • • • but I'm saying that as of right now, if it's on your task list, • • • one, uh, hundred percent of those, as of this moment are not being delegated. • • • • We got to get some of these things off your list.
Make sure you know whether you are asking or telling when delegating
All right, One last thing about delegating. Two more things. • • • • • • • Make sure you know whether you are asking or telling. • • Okay. • • • • • • What do you mean? Well, here's what I mean. I coach • a client in Minnesota • • • and recently she was really frustrated because it's like I don't understand. Like I tell people what to do • • and I tell them the steps and I delegate it. And then, you know, it seems like the next month, then the thing doesn't get done and I need to do it all over again or the next year or the whatever. • • • • And knowing her from being a coaching client, I know that she's really, really nice • • and um, really really, um, not necessarily soft spoken, but just, • • just a really, really nice, kind person. Okay. • • And so when she talks, • • • • • here's the problem. She thought that she was telling • • and everyone in the other side of that conversation thought that she was askingash, asking for a favor. • • And when you ask, • • • first of all, it's kind of optional if you do the thing and then you're not really doing it necessarily all that well. But if it's your boss, if you're the boss and you're telling someone to do it • • then, and you're making that clear, • • then you can also hold them accountable for doing the thing. • • And we've got to get over ourselves with wanting to be liked and being worried that people are going to perceive us a certain way. Listen, you work really, really hard. No one's keeping a little black book • • because if they did, • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • if they did, • um, it would definitely come out in your favor. Okay, you need some help. And so are you asking or are you telling? Are you being indirect or are you being direct? Are you being unclear or are you being clear? • • When you delegate something, the only thing that's more frustrating than not delegating something is delegating it • being unclear. The person does it. • And then the next time when you think they're going to do it because you thought you were telling and they thought you were asking, they don't do the thing. And then you're like, what the heck is going on? • • • • Make sure. You know, whether you're asking or telling, make sure you're telling. • • • • And then when you tell, this is going to be another thing that's going to take time if you want • • to set it and forget it with this person. • • • You know how we, • we love, • um, if we can set up something • • with an automatic payment • • • • and • • • then we can just set it and forget it. • • • Okay. • • • • • • The step to make that happen is, is that when you tell, • • • • • • • • you follow up with an email or better even, uh, a Google Doc, • • where it's just short, step by step list of, like, how to do the thing. And this is where Chat GPT comes in.
Let's say you're asking someone to take the lead on an event
Again, let's say you're asking someone to take the lead on an event. Okay. Chat GPT, • • • create a checklist for, you know, describe the event, the scope of it, the budget, the this, that, the other thing. • • Create a checklist, or better yet, delegate it to that person and say, hey, • • you create a checklist, • • • • use Chat GPT, blah, blah, blah, and then show it to me. But it needs to be, • • • • • • it needs to exist in, in some form other than just verbal. Okay. And so • • • that's either an email or a Google Doc or something similar, a Word document where • • you want to. If you don't want to have this conversation every month or every year with this person that you're. You worked up the courage, you had the awkward conversation. You told them, I really need you. Uh, I'm going to need you. Don't say, I really need you to, because it sounds like you're asking, I need you to blank. I'm going to need you to blank. • • • • Then follow it up. • • Or better yet, tell them to create a checklist and then show it to you so you can take a look at it. You're the one that used to do it, so you know what needs to be done. And I know that's another step. And, uh, it takes time and it's like, oh, man, another thing. Yes. • • Because you're going to set it and forget it. And then you also have something to hold them accountable to.
You're going to apply these four productivity hacks to the top 2/3
Okay. • • All right, that brings us to our final step, which is step six. • • • • • • We're going to listen to episode seven of this podcast, which is called • • Four Productivity Hacks for Busy Private School Leaders. I'll link it in the show notes • • • • • and you're going to apply those four productivity hacks to the top 2/3 of the list. • • • • So I've not talked much about the top two thirds of the list • • • because not all things are created equal on that top third. Not all things are created equal. In that middle third, some of them are seasonal, some of them happen once a year, some of them happen every day, some of them happen multiple times a day, it's like, how can I make sense of all of that? • • • • • • • What you're going to do is you're going to listen to episode seven. • • • You're going to apply these four productivity hacks to the top two thirds of your list. • And the four hacks are leverage the power of an index card, • • • claim some whitesp space, • • tame your inbox, and decide when you're going to leave at the end of the day • • • and write it on your index card. Okay, now some of you know what I'm talking about, about the power of an index card or when I say claiming whiteace or taming your inbox, some of you don't. • • If you go back and listen to episode seven • • • and you apply those four strategies, those four hacks, to the top two thirds of your list, • and you get into the habit of creating your daily, um, index card on the corner of your desk, • • • • • claiming whitesp space in your calendar, and not dipping in and out of your email inbox all day long. • And I know those three things are like, what? How am I going toa do that? Okay, listen to the episode and I'll teach you. And then this is what you're going to apply to the top 2/3 of the list. • • Okay, so real quick, the 3/3 strategy that is going to make you way more productive and better at delegating. Step one, gather tasks. • • Step two, task dump. • Step three, task ranking. • Step four, three threes • • going to draw your two lines. • • • Step five, eliminate and delegate the tasks on the bottom third of the list. And step six is listen to episode seven and apply the four hacks to the top two thirds of the list. • • And your call to action is sometime in the next two weeks, • • schedule 60 minutes into your calendar. Even if it's on a weekend. I don't really like you working on a weekend. But sometimes these types of things that are going to be a rising tide that lifts all the boats, this is going to make a huge difference in every day. But you've got to set aside time to actually do the thing. So this might have to be a weekend thing. In the next two weeks, schedule 60 minutes into your calendar to start working on this. • • • • •
I want to give you a resource called the six things every private school teacher wants
Okay, • • one more free • • • gift, uh, • • for you and then we'll wrap it up. I want to give you a resource called the six things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. And this guide is a six page PDF that I really believe will be a game changer for you. And I can guarantee you that if you do these six things that the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. • • So go to the privatescchool leader.com guide to get the six, uh, things that every private school teacher wants from their Leader. That's the PrivateSchoolade Leader.com • • guide. • • And uh, a reminder that Parent Academy, I really believe can be a game changer for you and your teachers. There's four modules for you. There's two 45 minute PDs from your teachers for your teachers about how to build better relationships. Let me be the one to tell your teachers the stuff that you don't want to tell them, okay? It's in there, • • • um, • • them doing the hard things so that they build those relationships and improve retention and improve parent satisfaction and improve student outcomes. • • And I've had, um, heads of school in North Carolina, Ohio, Texas, California already do the PDs with them and the • • • testimonials that are coming back. The feedback that's coming back has been excellent. And I want this for you and for your teachers. And so go to thepr privatescalia.com parentacademy to check that out. • And then I'd love to hear from you, especially if you use this 3 3rd strategy. • • Because I want to motivate others to do it, to take the time to do it. Because people who take the time to do it, it has been a real game changer. • • • • So if you're, if you do it • • and it impacts you positively, shoot me an email. Marko.mincusmail.ct I want to hear about it and then I want to pump you up and then I want to share that with others so that they will take the time to do this thing that can change • how you interact with all of your tasks. • • Um, and again, um, one last time.
PrivateScchooler. com Episode 127 is where you'll find the show notes
PrivateScchooler.com Episode 127 is where you'll find, um, the show notes for today's episode. And then also if you could do me a favor, if you • • have a favorite episode or just the any episode that you found helpful, just please share the link for this episode to another private school leader in your life • • and also a rising leader at your school. We're going to keep getting the word out there. 64 countries, • • all 50 states. • • This content is changing lives, it's changing schools. • Um, and it's helping leaders go from survival mode to thriving. And it's super exciting. But we ve got to keep getting the word out there. So please share this link with another leader that you know, • • and I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you do at your school. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 126: The 4 Keys To Surviving "Tough Conversation Season"
15 mar· The Private School Leader Podcast
Where I live, we get to experience all four seasons. Right now the first signs of spring are popping up all around me.
We have some very distinct seasons at our private schools:
Back To School SeasonCountdown to Winter BreakThe 100 Days of May
We also have another season at our schools in late March and early April. It’s my least favorite season of the year. I refer to it as "Tough Conversation Season.”
This is usually the time of year when we have to have some difficult conversations. We may need to meet with a teacher to tell them that we will not be offering them a position in the fall. We may need to meet with a parent to tell them that their child needs to repeat Kindergarten.
Earlier in my career, I did not handle Tough Conversation Season very well. I would often let my fear, anxiety and insecurities keep me from making the best decision for the school or the best decision for the child. I want to help you learn from my mistakes.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to tell you The 4 Keys To Surviving "Tough Conversation Season"
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode126
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So if you're listening to this in real time, • • • depending on the part of the country that you live in, • • • • it is transitioning from winter into spring. • • So mid March. • • • • • And you know, where I live, we have all four seasons. And I actually really like that. I like having all four seasons. I'm not a big fan of winter, but, um, you know, when winter is kind of winding down, the awesome thing is, is that you start to see the signs of spring. You know, you start to see the daffodils pop up and you know, it starts to get a little warmer and some of the trees start to bud. And so there's all different, um, there's the four seasons and I really like the fact that I have all four of them where I live. But I was thinking about how we also have different seasons in our private schools. And so for example, we have back to school season, you know, and I always tell people like the, the two weeks before the first day of school and the first two weeks of school is probably the busiest month of the year for private school leaders. • • So we have back to school season. We also have, you know, countdown, countdown to winter break season where you're just trying to keep your eye on the ball and not keep your eye on the calendar. Um, and then we have the hundred days of May, • um, where it's just that, • • you know, there's a concert every night, there's a ceremony, there's graduation, there's • • • um, sports and sports banquets. There's all kinds of things going on in our 100 days of May. • • • But my least favorite season • • in a school year is actually the one that we're in right now • • • because I've found that • • • • mid March to early April • • is often what I call tough conversation season. • • And so, for example, • • • • • • • most schools have, um, one year contracts for their teachers • or an offer letter that, you know, has to be offered every year around this time. • • And • • you know, these • • tough conversation season, this is the around the time for many schools where you're • • sitting down with that person and saying, hey, um, you know, we're not going to be having you return. We're not going to be offering you A contract. We're not going to be offering you a position here, um, this fall. • • Tough conversations. • • • • Um, it also might be that you decide you are going to keep that teacher, but you're going to put them on a performance improvement plan. So, you know, another tough conversation. And that's just the teachers. You know, this is also tough conversation season • for when you have to meet with a parent because it could be, hey, um, • • • you know've you. We've had some meetings over the course of the year, as you know, and blah, blah, and we've just decided that we really can't meet your child's needs here at this school. And so, you know, we want to help you find another school or • • • • you know, your child needs to repeat first grade. You know, those tough, tough conversations that are going to get a reaction. • • And so I'll admit that, you know, for me, tough conversation season in the past, especially earlier in my career, I didn't handle it well. You know, I often let my fear and anxiety and insecurities, • • • um, keep me from having those tough conversations. And then I would often hang on to a teacher for a year or two too long • or • • hang on to a child that I couldn't meet their needs for a year or two too long. And I regret that, • • um, not having tough conversations at this time of year, that's probably some of the bigger regrets of my career. • • • And so I wonder about you, you know, if that is causing you to think about, • uh, certain things or have certain emotions when I'm mentioning tough conversation season. Well, here's the thing. On this podcast, we don't just • • sit in our thoughts and • • get stuck. We take action. And so on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, I'm going to tell you the four keys to surviving tough conversation season. • • •
So I want to tell you what teachers are saying about Parent Academy
So I want to tell you • what teachers • are saying about Parent Academy. • So teachers in North Carolina, Texas, Ohio, California, • • they are, you know, working at schools where leaders have purchased parent Academy. And as you've probably heard, there are two 45 minute PDs, plug and play PDs, which are video webinars. And then there's a 27 page workbook • that you've got your part one and your part two. • • And • • so some schools now have done these on PD days or at faculty meetings. And so just here are some comments, some quotes from some teachers. North Carolina, Texas, Ohio, California, Qu. This is a paradigm shift for our schoolote. Customers versus clients • • changed how I see my job. • • • • • Uh, • I never thought a PD could be relevant to all three divisions in Our school, we all have the same issues with parents. Whether we teach the three year old or the 12th grader, private schools are different. This PD is relevant to us from beginning to end. • • • • And then just two more. Quote, I learned that the reason why parents may come off as defensive or have strong opinions about their child's experience in class • • because they have hopes and fears for their child. Not having any kids myself, this perspective opened my mind and heart and helped me send some very important messages • • during the afternoon after the pd. • • And then finally, quote, I have been in education for 30 years and this is the best PD I ever had. • • So with Parent Academy, you and your teachers will go from feeling anxious and stressed about working with parents to feeling • • confident, calm and relaxed. And • • after I teach you the step by step framework, I'll then teach your teachers during these PDs and you can hear the results that these PDs are getting at schools around the country. So I'd love for you to check out Parent Academy. And you can do that by going to the privatescgaler.com • • • parentacademy • • and then I want to give you a free gift and to just my way of saying thank you for listening to the podcast • • today.
I give you a gift called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers
We're talking about, • • um, teachers, parents, • • you know, and we have to deal with difficult teachers. • • • And I want to give you a gift called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And sometimes we need courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. And I think what you need is a plan. And so this guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance, improve their attitude. • • And so if that sounds like something that you could use, • • go to the privatescooler.com difficult to grab the guide called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And that's the privatescchal leader.com • • difficult. • And then I just wanted to remind you quickly that I've launched the PSLO membership. And PSLO is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported. • • And you'll have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually get it and get you. And we go live, • uh, every week. • Um, we have a masterclass successph coaching session twice a month. We have a We get it roundtable. • There's a live Q and A. And so just this week had our, um, we had our live We Get It Roundtable. And we had school leaders from Tennessee and Texas and California and Hawaii and Pennsylvania. And here are Just a couple things that were overheard. I know I was giving you some quotes earlier. Well, here's a few more. Some things that were overheard at this week's we get at Roundtable. • • • Qu I've been where you are. • • • • • I feel like quitting my job because it is just too hard. • • • • • • • Quot my daughter cried when she saw me working on the board report at 2am • • • and quot I see you and it gets better. • • • • • So if you want to surround yourself by with. If you want to surround yourself with leaders who get it, who understand and want to support you, and then also you want to grow as a leader, you can learn more about joining the PSL Pro community by going to the privateschoolleader.com • • • membership. That's the privatescchoolleader.com • • membership. • •
When you don't have the confidence, reach for the courage during tough conversations
So let's talk about the four keys to surviving tough conversation season. • • Key number one. When you don't have the confidence, reach for the courage. • • • • When you don't have the confidence, reach for the courage. • • • • • • So if you're preparing for a conversation with a teacher • • or a parent, • • • um, you know, a teacher not renewing their contract, a parent, you know, counseling the child out of the school, you're probably going to feel a mix of emotions, maybe • • fear of how they're going to react or guilt that you didn't do enough or anxiety or all of the above. Like, these are really tough conversations to have. • • • • • And it's really natural • • • to feel like you don't have the right words to say • • • and to lack in confidence • • • about saying the right things. • • • And you know, you're lacking confidence because you're worried about how they're going to react. • • • • And we're often expected as leaders to be confident in our decision making, but we know what's going on on the inside. • • • A lot of times we're lacking • • confidence. • • • • • • • So what do we do when we need to have that conversation? • • • • But when you're not feeling • confident? • • • • • Well, uh, I know what happens to me. You know, doubt starts to creep in and am I really making the right call? • • • • • • • • • • Um, maybe we could just give this person another year • • • and, you know, we kind of can talk ourselves into or talk ourselves out of anything. • • • And when we're lacking confidence, • • • it's really easy to procrastinate and just kick the can down the road • • and then just hope for the best. And I've done that in my career. • • • • • But • • the truth is, is that • • confidence isn't always something that we can rely on in the moment. • • • • • • • A lot of the time, we don't have enough confidence • • to have that Tough conversation. • • • • • • And so in those moments • • • when we don't have the confidence, we're going to reach for the courage. • • • • • And courage • • • • is the willingness to act in spite of fear, discomfort, or uncertainty. • • • • • • I want to give you the definition to courage one more time. Courage • • is the willingness to act in spite of fear, discomfort, or uncertainty. • • • Tough conversation season in our schools, • • • • there's a lot of fear, discomfort, and uncertainty. • • • • • And so courage • is temporary. • • • • • And you can reach for the courage • • • because you're not going to have • • that courage • • • all the time. • • • • • • • Sometimes you're not going to have enough confidence to do the thing, to have the conversation. • • • • But if you have a mindset, if you use this key, this strategy, that when you don't have the confidence, you reach for the courage. • • • • • • • • • • Courage means • • • showing up anyways. • • • You know, courage means • • • saying to yourself, • • • I'm just going to do this because it's necessary. • • • • I'm going to do this because it's the right thing to do. I'm going to do this even though it's hard. • • • • • • • My confidence doesn't get me saying those things or believing those things, but my courage does. • • • • • • • And in that moment, • • you know, courage is temporary. • • • • • • • Confidence sometimes can be temporary, too. But • • • when we don't have the confidence, we're going to reach for the courage. It's okay not to be. Not to feel confident, for crying out loud. This is very tough. This is emotional. We're high in emotional intelligence, typically as private school leaders. And I sometimes think that our biggest strength is also one of our, um, biggest downfalls. • • • • • And what I mean by that is high emotional intelligence is a strength, but it also makes us feel things very, very deeply. And we're sitting and talking to someone • • about not having them come back in the fall. • • • • • And that's a human being that we're talking to. It's a teacher, it's a parent. • • • And when we're high in emotional intelligence, • • • we can't just • • detach ourselves from the emotion of the situation. • • • • • But I'll speak for myself. Thinking about the emotion of the situation • has caused me to shrink, has caused me to not have that tough conversation. But you know, it's the right thing to do. And you're at this crossroads and you're stuck. I know I need to have it, but I'm scared. I know I need to have this conversation, but I don't feel like I can. • • • • • So that's when • • we're going to have that tough conversation. We're going to schedule it. • • • We're going to recognize it's okay not to feel confident. • • • • • But we're going to step forward • • • • • because we reached for the courage, • • • • • and we're going to have the conversation • • • because it's the right thing to do, • • • even if we're not 100% sure of how it's going to go. • • • • • So • • • • • key number one • is when you don't have the confidence, reach for the courage. • • •
Key number two is to choose your discomfort in tough conversations
All right, • • • for our season • • • • • of tough conversations, • • • • • • key number two is to choose your discomfort. • Choose your discomfort. Okay, So I want you to imagine that in front of you, • • • you're sitting at your desk at school, and in front of you, there's two empty glasses • • • • • • • • • • • • and the glass on the left. • • • What you're going to do is you're going to imagine • • • • • • • • • • that the amount of discomfort • that's going to come from having this tough conversation • • • • is equal to water. • • • • • And the glass on the left, • • you're going to • • • • imagine • • that it has the discomfort equivalent to the water • of having the tough conversation. So let's say that that glass • • is • • • • 2/3 of the way full with water, • • • • because this is going to be uncomfortable. Okay? • • • • • • • • But on the right, you have an empty glass, • • • • • and what you're going to do is you're going to fill that glass • • • with the discomfort • • that you will experience over time • • if you don't have this conversation. • • • So let's say it's a teacher and the teacher is problematic in • • • some way. Let's say it's about how they're dealing with kids, • not getting back to parents, maybe, you know, a combination of several things that just, you know, you've tried to work with them and it's just not working and you need to move on and you need to, uh, get someone else in that classroom. • • • • • • So the discomfort of having that conversation • • • • • • is on the left in that glass, 2 3rd full of water. But on the right, • • • what is the • • discomfort of keeping that teacher for another year? • • • The parent complaints, • the kicking yourself because you hung on to that teacher, the perception from other faculty members who can see that this teacher is problematic and that, you know, what are you going to do about it? Uh, you know, all of that discomfort. • • • • • M. How full is that glass? • • The right. • • • • • • • • • • • My guess is • • that if you really stop and think about it and you're honest with yourself, • • • • that that glass has more water in it • • • and it's probably overflowing. • • • • • • • And so • • • • • you get to choose your discomfort. • • • You can either choose • • the temporary discomfort of the conversation, • • or you can choose the long term discomfort of not having the conversation. • • • • • • • • • And so when we get a choice in life, • • • • • sometimes • it makes us feel a tiny little bit better, even if • there're things that we don't really want to do. • • • • And you know all about that from, you know, most of • many private school leaders came up through. And we're in the classroom. You know what that's like when you're dealing with kids. • • You know what, would you, would you like to, • • • • would you like to sit here and work with this group or would you like to, uh, work with this group? You know, you've got a dysregulated kid. • Um, you know, you're probably thinking of a bunch of different things where it's like, okay, yeah, if you tell the child what to do, • • • • then it's a little bit of a power struggle. But sometimes if you give them a choice, • • then it goes a lot better. • • • • • • • • A lot of times when we need to have these tough conversations, we feel stuck, we feel trapped, we feel like • • we • • don't like our job and this is the worst part of our job and things of that nature. And it's like, okay, I get that. • • • • • But • it is part of the job. • • • • • • • • M and sometimes if we have a little bit of agency, • • • • • a little bit of a choice, • • • • • it gives us a little bit more • • • • • confidence and makes us feel a little bit more empowered • • • and a little bit goes a long way in this situation. So • • • when you're deciding • • • what to do • • • • • because you know you need to have the conversation, • • but it's also within your power to talk yourself into giving it another year, • • • • • think about choosing your discomfort. • The glass on the left • • represents the discomfort of the conversation. • The glass on the right represents the discomfort of not having the conversation. • • • Which glass is more full? • • And then make your decision accordingly. • • •
Key number three to surviving tough conversation season is to remember the child
All right, • • • • key number three • • to surviving tough conversation season. • • To remember the child in the chair. • • • • • And I've talked about this before in our podcast. Many years ago, • • um, a woman by the name of Heidi Hayes Jacobs came to our school to do a two day PD. She's the author of Curriculum 21 and some other books about, ah, curriculum. • • And Dr. Jacobs does the same thing no matter where she speaks. When she walks up to the front and is introduced, • • she gets a chair and she drags it up to the front near the podium. • And she says, okay, I want you to close your eyes. • • • I want you to think about one of your students. • • Picture their face. • • • • • • Listen. Hear their voice. • • • • • • • And I want you to pretend that this • • child that you're picturing is in sitting in this chair. • • • • • • • • And then she says, okay, now everything that we're going to do for the next two days in this PD is going to be in the best interest of the Child in the chair. • • • • • • • • • And it sets a framework for, • • • • • you know, • • when you're talking about curriculum or the master schedule or, • um, you know, • • does this child need more support or this. That the other thing with what we do in our schools, • • • • • • • sometimes it's easy to focus on how this affects me, • • but it's so important to remember the child in the chair • • about how this affects the child. • • • • • • • • So when you're deciding whether or not to meet, • • • when you're in that critical moment • • • • • and maybe you've already decided to meet and you just need, you know, • • • • the confidence • and you're going toa reach for the courage • • and you just need to. How do I survive • • this meeting without it, like, just racking me with guilt or with, you know, emotional impact? • • • • • • Well, one of the things that I've found to be very, very helpful • • • • is that if I'm having a conversation with a teacher • • • • • • • • and that teacher has objectively • • • • • not met the standards for • • my school • • and they need to go. • • • • • One of the things that's really helped me a lot is, is that before I meet with that teacher, I picture one of the children in that teacher's class. • • • • • • And let's say that the name of the child is • • • • • Micah. • • • • • • • And I'll ask myself, what's in the best interest of Micah? • • • • • And I'll do that shortly before I meet with that teacher. And it does help me. • • • • • • And if it's a parent, • • • • I'll m • picture that their child, the child that we're going to be discussing if we can no longer meet their needs or if their behavior is such that they can't continue to be part of our school community, or perhaps they need to repeat a grade. • • • • I'll picture that child • • • • right before I meet with the parent, • • and then I'll say, what's in the best interest of the child? • • And so one of the things that can help us rise to the occasion when we have to have that tough conversation • • • is to remember the child in the chair. • • •
The fourth and final key to surviving tough conversation season is mental resilience
And that brings us to our fourth and final key • • to surviving tough conversation season. • • And that is to put on your suit of armor. • • • • • So as leaders, we often face a lot of criticism, • • • and people have emotional responses • • • after we have a difficult conversation with them. • • • And when they say things, • • • • • when they react, • • • • it's really easy to take those things personally. • • • • • • • • • And when we take things personally, at least for me, and I think this might be true for you, is when we take things personally, then it starts to • • negatively impact our confidence • • and it starts to make us second guess ourselves. And did I really make the right decision? And so on and so forth, okay? • • • • • But this is where the suit of armor comes in. • • • I want you to think about putting on a suit of armor as mental resilience, • • • • okay? • • And the suit of armor is going to give you the mental resilience • • • • to protect yourself • • • from the emotional fallout • of these tough conversations, okay? And this is really important, so I want you to hear that. I'm going to say that again. • Putting on your suit of armor • • • • • • is you having the mental resilience that you need • • • • • to protect yourself from the emotional fallout of these tough conversations. Because • • we have to guard our hearts as private school leaders. • • • • I said before that our biggest strength is also sometimes it's a blessing and a curse. Being high in emotional intelligence and being a servant leader and caring so much and giving so much, • • investing so much of our time and our mental energy and our emotional energy. • • • • • • • That's what makes us good at our jobs. But it also makes us open to emotional pain when we have these kinds of conversations. And then there's a reaction from the teacher or from the parent. • • • • • And here's the thing. I want you to hear this. Your suit of armor is not about shutting down emotionally. We're not going to suddenly become a robot, • • • • • but we're going to guard our hearts, • • • • • and we're not going to let those emotions that are stirred up on the other side of the table from that teacher or that parent. • • We're not going to let those emotions impact • • • • • • our • • • • confidence, our. Our purpose, our mission, our. Our vision, our passion, our ability to lead. Those two things are separate. They're mutually exclusive. The things that a person is going to say • • in a moment of emotion when they've just received news that they really didn't want to hear, • • • those things have to bounce off of that suit of armor • • • • • because we're trying to stay calm and we're trying to stay objective. And there's this storm of emotions that's hitting. • • • • • • Well, I want you to imagine, you know, when you are having this meeting, • • • • • • • you've got your suit of armor on, • • • and the things that are coming across the table • • • • that are emotional, they're the arrows. • And those arrows are going to ding the armor, they're going to dent the armor. You might even feel the impact. It might even leave a bruise. • • • But when you have that armor on, it's not going to allow those emotional arrows to penetrate the skin • • and to have you internalize • • the emotions of that situation. • • • • • • • • So if a parent becomes upset • • • when you're saying that the child is not progressing enough and that they might, you've decided they need to repeat a grade. • • • They're going to probably be defensive and angry. And you might even hear them say things like, well, you're not doing enough for my son or • you don't care about my daughter. Like, though that's a horrible thing to say and it hurts and it stings in it and it is like, well, that's just not true. • • • • • • • But that's where the suit of armor comes in. And it keeps you from internalizing those words because the arrows dent the armor, but then they fall off. So you feel the impact, • • • • but you're not going to internalize the emotion that's going to come at you across the table when you have that tough conversation with that parent or with that teacher. • • • • So what are the big takeaways? • • Well, • • • • • if it's tough conversation season at your school, • • • • • we want to help. I want to help equip you so that you can survive tough conversation season • • and actually rise to the occasion and have that conversation • • • instead of shrinking in that moment • and procrastinating and talking yourself into giving it another year. • • • • • And so how are we going to do that? Well, the four keys to surviving tough conversation season. • • Number one, when you don't have the confidence, reach for the courage. • • Number two, choose your discomfort. Remember the two glasses of water. • • Number three, rem. • Remember the child in the chair. What's in the best interest of that child in the chair? And then number four is put on your suit of armor so that those arrows will bounce off • • when you're having that conversation. • • • • • And I like to end every episode with a call to action. • And that is to just pick one of these strategies and use it the next time that you're having a tough conversation. • I think it will make a big difference. • • • •
Seven strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers are included in this free guide
And • • • wrapping it up, I want to give you another free gift. • • And actually it's. I'm going to mention the one I mentioned at the top of the episode. • • Um, you know, we're dealing. We're talking a lot about teachers, a little bit about parents. So again, just a reminder, seven strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers. • • • Um, is a guide for you that will give you courage and confidence to deal with the difficult teachers at your school. • • And you can grab that@the privatescgalar.com difficult. That's a free • PDF guide for you called the Seven Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. Just go to the privatescooler.com difficult and then one last reminder that Parent Academy could really be a game changer for you and your teachers. • • With four modules for you. • • Two 45 minute PDs for your teachers • • and • • • the reviews are coming in as far as what teachers are getting out of it. And it's starting to change some things in some M schools around the country. And so I'd love for you to learn more about that by going to the privatesgluter.com parentacademy • • • • and • • I want to ask for a favor.
Private School Leader podcast is now in 64 countries
Could you please share the link to this podcast episode • • with a leader in your life, a leader at your school, or someone you met at a conference? Just another leader school leader in your life and also with a rising leader at your school. • • • • • • I think you have a good eye for that talent that's rising. • • • Let's get this content into their hands so that they can be equipped to lead in the future. • • And I'd love to hear from you. If you're getting value from the podcast, I'd love for you to shoot me a quick email and just tell me what what did you learn or what's the biggest pain point that you're dealing with right now? Because that could be an upcoming episode on the podcast. So shoot me an [email protected] • • ah.com that's ar k.o.m I n kusmail.com. the show notes for today's episode are at the privatescool leader.com episode 126. • • And if you would please write a review and rate the podcast wherever you listen to it, that helps the algorithm push this out as suggested • content for leaders all over the world. • Um, the podcast is now in 64 countries. We just added Morocco in the last week. And so this is going out to leaders all over the world. • And you writing a review and rating the podcast actually helps to make that happen. • I'm, um, on Instagram at the Private School Leader • and if you got value from the episode, just be sure to subscribe so you don't miss episode. And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I just want to say I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you're doing at your school. • Thank you for taking time out of your busy week to join me here today and I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
- Lyssna Lyssna igen Fortsätt Lyssnar...
- Lyssna senare Lyssna senare
Episode 125: This Is An Eviction Notice For The Parent That Is Living Rent-Free In Your Head
8 mar· The Private School Leader Podcast
I want you to picture a bright pink elephant riding a unicycle.
Now, I want you to stop thinking about it. Just stop. Don’t think about it anymore.
That worked about as well as you trying not to think about that upset parent that is living rent-free in your head. You know which parent I’m talking about. They are not just visiting your house. They backed the U-Haul up to your house and moved all of their furniture into your living room.
Not good. The bad news is that they have moved in and they plan on staying for a long time. The good news is that we are not just going to sit back and accept that. We are going to take action.
On today’s episode of the PSLP, we are going to give An Eviction Notice To The Parent That Is Living Rent-Free In Your Head.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! You can grab this FREE GUIDE at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/meeting
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode125
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!

I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So I want you to. I want to ask you to think about something, • • • and then I'm gonna ask you to stop thinking about it. So I want you to think about • • • • a bright pink elephant • • riding a unicycle. • • • So just picture that in your mind. A bright pink elephant • riding a unicycle. • • • And now • I want you to just stop thinking about it. • • • Think about something else. Don't think about the bright pink elephant riding a unicycle. Just think about anything else. • • • So • • • we know • • that me trying to do that with you is just about as effective • as trying not to think about that upset parent that's living rent free in your head. • • It just doesn't work. • • • And so, you know, these are parents • • • • that they're not just visiting your place. They your house there. They've backed up the U Haul • and unloaded their stuff and moved in, • and they're all settled in. • • • • • And • • that negative interaction, that stressful interaction, that • stress about what might happen or how they might react or • • • • what might be the outcome of this meeting that's coming up, • • • • they've moved in, • and they're living there rent free. And it's not good. It's really not good. • • • • • But on this podcast, we're all about taking action and not just accepting that, saying, well, I guess this is my life. I guess this is just how it's gonna be. I'm gonna think about this parent all the time. And then once I resolve that or they graduate or they leave the school, I guess there'll be another parent that will replace that parent. No, • we're going to do something about it. We are going to take action. • • And on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to • give an eviction notice to the parent that is living rent free in your head. • • • • • And before we do that, I.
I created Parent Academy to help private school leaders deal with difficult parents
You know, while we're speaking about parents, I have a question for you. You know, is it just me or the parents at our schools getting more demanding, more intense more often? • • You know, dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools. But we also, • • um, have stress and anxiety and can feel overwhelmed pretty quickly. • • And that's why I created Parent Academy. And now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. • And over the last 33 years, • I've built successful relationships with thousands of parents. And I've taken everything that I know and packaged that knowledge into an online course. • • And after I teach you in four modules, all of that, • • • then I'm going to teach your teachers those strategies as well. Because parent academy contains two 45 minute webinars that are teacher PDs with a printable notebook and guided notes and discussion questions. • • And I'm hearing from schools in Ohio and Texas and California and North Carolina that have used the, uh, 45 minute webinars and the feedback has been really, really good. There was a teacher in North Carolina who said, I've been in education for 30 years and this is the best PD that I've ever attended. • • And so I want to get that into your hands. And so I'd love for you to go to the privatescgler.com parentacademy and check it out. It's all there for you@the privategler.com ParentAcademy and again, while we're talking about parents, I want to give you a free gift that will help and that is a, uh, free guide for you called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • • • We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. And this guide will give you the tools you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So you can go to the privatescoolator.com parents to grab the guide and thank you again for listening every week. And then one quick reminder that recently I launched PSL Pro, which is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported. Had our first live masterclass this week and, um, just we have a thriving community of school leaders. They actually get it and they get you. • • And we go live once a week. Whether it's a MasterCL or SuccessPH coaching session or twice a month. We get it roundtable session or live Q and A. • Um, and there's a PSL Pro success path. And it's going to take you from • • being either the overwhelmed drifter or the intentional architect all the way up to being the skilled builder or the fulfilled mentor. There's five different levels and the path will take you through those levels as a private school leader. So I just want you to, you know, hopefully you're curious and would love for you to check out a little bit more about that and love for you to join this community of private school leaders. • • And you can check that out@the privatescoolleader.com • • • • membership. • •
Today we're talking about parents that live rent free in your head
So we're talking about parents that live rent free in your head. And today we're going to give them an eviction notice. But the way that we're going to do that is to first of all talk about what is actually happening when we're in this time loop. You know, it's like Groundhog Day where • • and we just can't get, um, off. You know, we're on this hamster wheel, we're playing a broken record and it's Groundhog Day and we just can't get that parent out of our head. So what is actually happening? Why does this happen? • • Why does • • • something that we. Why does something that we are doing • • actually make the problem worse? And then give you eight strategies to evict the parent that is living rent free in your head? So we're going to examine it a little bit and then of course I'm going to give you actionable strategies. And so I know that eight strategies is a lot. I know this is a really important topic to you and so of course I will take good care of you in the show notes. That's the privatescchool leader.com • episode125 and it'll all be there for you to revisit when you have the time • Allgh.
What are ruminating thoughts and why do they happen
So what is actually happening? • • • Well, what's actually happening is ruminating thoughts. • We're having ruminating thoughts about a parent and we've all had them, you know, there. It could come from a single conversation or an email or a quick encounter or maybe it's an ongoing problem and it just kind of hijacks your brain. And then you get into this loop and like I said, it's like, • you know, the way I like to describe it is you're on a hamster wheel, there's a broken record playing in the background and it's Groundhog Day and so you just can't seem to get out of there. And then this just continues to consume your thoughts and consume all of your attention. • • And so these are called ruminating thoughts. • • So's let's define that a little further. So I told you, • • you know, this parent that's living rent free in your head, what you're having are ruminating thoughts. But what actually are ruminating thoughts. So these are the repetitive • • and intrusive menal mental patterns • where you fixate on a particular issue. So let me hit you with that definition one more time. Ruminating thoughts are repetitive intrusive mental patterns where you fixate a particular issue. • • • • So that sounds about right. You know, you've got that thing at school and's here's the other part of this. Just to pause for a second. Maybe you're, maybe you don't have a parent living rent free in your head, but you do have the budget or enrollment or some other thing that is living rent free in your head. This episode, these strategies. • • It'snna, uh, I'm not going to say it will fix your ruminating thoughts, but it will equip you to make them better and to have them happen less often and have them be less intrusive. And so it isn't just about a parent issue. It could be about any issue at school that you can't stop thinking about. And so I just wanted to insert that quickly here because, um, • • these strategies can be effective for other issues as well. And so these ruminating thoughts, • • um, as we continue like defining what are they, we can say that they, you affect your mood and your energy • and of course they affect your focus because you're just so distracted • and they're annoying. But they're also really unproductive because • • the thoughts don't lead to action and they don't lead to problem solving. And it's like, okay, Mark, tell me something that I don't know. All right, I get it. But • really they lead to just a sense of helplessness and frustration. • • And so if we're stuck with these ruminating thoughts, • and especially if these thoughts are stressful, • • • we are going to be in this • • loop, in this spiral, whatever you want to call it, and we got to get out of that, um, that spiral or that loop, um, • of these, this mental pattern of ruminating thoughts. • • So • let's talk about for a moment why they happen. • • • • • And then I want to talk for just another minute or two about how this activates the fight or flight response. And that actually makes everything worse. And then we'll get into the strategies to fix it. So why do they happen? Okay, so ruminating thoughts happen when we feel threatened or helpless or uncertain. Um, um, we feel anxious. We feel, you know, so though that, that makes sense, right? So the, the thing that we're thinking about at school, in this case the parent that's living rent free in your head, • • • • you know, we're anxious about it. We feel Uncomfortable because of the issue, because of the complexity of the issue. You know, it's a board members s kid, it's a teacher's kid that is the subject of the issue, um, • whatever the case might be. • • And you know, you can't. It also could come from like a lack of, um, • feeling competent or confident. And you know, • your brain goes into overdrive because you're just not sure what to do. How do I respond to that email? Do I have a meeting or do I do an email? And if I'm going to have a meeting, how should that meeting play out? Um, and then it also could be after the fact that you had the meeting or you had the conversation, or you had the interaction in the bleachers at the volleyball game or in the lobby of the, you know, the auditorium before the concert. And so then you just keep replaying it again and again in your mind. And I shouldn't have said that or I should have said this. And that thing that they said really hurt my feelings. And you know, uh, here we are, we're in that loop. And here's the problem, is that this is your brain's way of trying to solve the issue. Trying to solve it. • But we know from experience, every one of us private school leaders, all of us that are me talking and you listening, we know • • • that all of this, this thinking, this mental pattern that we can't get out of • • • these intrusive thoughts, • • it doesn't solve the issue • • • • and it actually makes things worse. And here's why. • • • • • Not only does • • rumination not solve anything, but it triggers your fight or flight response. And we've talked about fight or flight on this podcast before. • • Um, I'll link the episode in the show notes • of how to avoid Amygdala hijack in High Stress situations. There's a lot of strategies there that will help and I'll probably refer to that episode at least one more time during this episode. • • But when that fight or flight response is activated, • • • we know from Psych 101 • • • that it is intended for immediate action. It's right there in the name • • • either we're gonna confront the danger fight or we're going to avoid the danger and take flight. We're going to run. So we're going to fight or we're going to take flight. And so it's immediate is the action that we're supposed to take. When that fight or flight response is activated, our brain is flooded with cortisol, the blood flows tar extremities so that we can actually run faster. Adrenaline, uh, • • • Spike, heart rate goes up, skin temperature goes up. All the things that happened during fight or flight, • • but it's intended for immediate action. • • • But when we're ruminating on thinking about a parent, • • • • maybe the whatever they're upset about doesn't matter. The reason why our brain doesn't recognize that we're not in physical danger. • • • • Your brain, • • • boom, fight or flight does all the things, • • all the physical, • • the physiological responses. • • • • • • But then it's kind of like the brain looks around for the grizzly bear that's chasing you and doesn't see the bear. And so it keeps pumping more cortisol into your brain • • so that you can run faster, you can be more focused on the danger and that you can get away • • • • • or you can get hyped up to fight the grizzly bear. But this is a psychological threat and not a physical threat. And our body is acting like this is literally a life or death situation. Okay? So I want to say that again and just think about a parent or a school issue that you can't get out of your head • and see if it fits this description. You're dealing with a psychological threat, not a physical threat, • but your body reacts as though you're in a life or death situation. • • • And not only that, it gets worse. You're multiplying that over days and weeks. • • • • • And our body was never designed to stay in fight or flight for more than just a few minutes more. • • Never designed to stay in fight or flight longer than it takes to • • • • • fight the danger or to run away from the danger. And yet here we are, brain marinating in cortisol • • hour after hour, day after day. Your brain isn't helping you solve the problem. • It's keeping you in that fight or flight mode. It's incre. Increasing, uh, like I said, your stress hormone of cortisol. And then it just helps us to feel more anxious, more reactive, more irritable, more tired, more stressed out, more overwhelmed. • • • • • And so it's like, oh, uh, geez, • • • this is a lot of bad news you're giving me today, Mark. Okay, so I don't know about you, but when someone comes up to me and says, hey, I've got good news and bad news, which do you want first? I always say that I want the bad news first • • • • because while I'm listening to the bad news, I know that something good is coming or something better is coming. Okay, so I just gave you all the bad news and then I'm going to give you the strategies to do something about it. And that's the good news, is that it doesn't have to stay this way. • • And so, • • • • just to pause for a moment, what we've done is we've talked about what's actually happening when you are perseverating or having intrusive thoughts or stuck in this mental • loop, this pattern of, • um, constantly thinking, this parent that's living rent free in your head. We talked about what's happening. They're called ruminating thoughts. • • We talked about why they're happening, • • and then we also talked about how the fight or flight response kicking in • actually makes things worse. • • • So now that you know the bad news, • • • let's focus on some strategies that we can use to overcome • • these ruminating thoughts. • • •
I'm about to give you eight strategies to help you multitask
All right? And then just real quick, • • two disclaimers. Number one first disclaimer is, I'm about to give you eight strategies. That's a lot. And I know that most of you are multitasking while you listen to this podcast, and I actually encourage you to do that because you're so busy that you need to listen while you're driving to or from school or running errands or working out or walking the dog. Awesome. • • But, • • • • • • • uh, eight is a lot to remember. And so the first thing I want you to know and remember is that in the show notes@, uh, • thepr privatechoolader.com Episode 125, these eight strategies will be there for you when you have time. To return to this. • The second disclaimer is that eight is a lot. • • • And there's no way that you're going to implement all eight of these strategies. • So when you're thinking about these, when you're listening to these, just pick one, • maybe two at the most, • • and see if they work to help get you out of that loop. • •
Identify that you are engaging in ruminating thoughts and implement strategies
Okay? Strategy number one • • • is to recognize that you are engaging in rumination, • • Recognize you are engaging in rumination. • • • And • • the number one way to get out of this • • • is to identify that you're ruminating and literally to say to yourself, okay, I'm ruminating right now. • • • • • And that sounds silly. It sounds • maybe too simple. And I'm not saying that any of these are simple. • • What you're dealing with is very, very hard, very difficult, very. Can be life changing. • • • • • • • I don't want to imply that any of these are simple, • • but the number one thing that's most important • • • is to • recognize • • • that what you're doing is having ruminating thoughts. Okay? • • Because many people struggle to tell the difference • • • between thinking about something with purpose. • • • Because we talk ourselves into, well, I'm just thinking about it because I'm kind of thinking about well, how am I going to solve the problem? • • Okay, um, that's probably not what's happening. • • • • • • • • Most of us have a hard time telling the difference between simply thinking about something and ruminating on it. • • • • • Thinking about something with purpose and strategy. That's good. • Ruminating on it. Unhelpful, crippling, • • • frustrating, • • • bad for you. All the things, okay? So it's important to identify I'm ruminating. • • • • • And one thing that's helped me • • is it's important to become a curious observer. I want you to hear that phrase, curious observer of the situation. • We are in the situation, • • • but what we need to do is try to get out in our minds and be an observer, a curious observer of the situation. • • And the mental picture that's helped me is • • • I'm in the, uh, raft • • on the whitewater rafting river, • and I've got on my life jacket and my helmet, and I've got my paddle in hand • • • • and I'm bouncing down the river on the whitewater rafting trip. Okay? • • But • • • then I imagine myself • • • standing on the shore. I'm still wearing my life jacket, I'm wearing my helmet, I'm holding my pedal, but I'm watching that raft go down the whiteater river. • • • I'm a curious observer of the situation. And if you can become that, that is a huge step in the right direction to recognize that you're ruminating. • • • And then that is going to allow you to implement these strategies. So strategy number one is recognized that you are engaging in ruminating thoughts. Okay? Step, um, strategy number two, gain perspective so that you don't catastrophize. Okay? So now that you're the curious observer standing on the shore, • • • watching the whitewater raft go down the river, • • • • you're going to ask yourself, • • • • • is this really a life or death situation? • • • • • • • And in most cases, the answer is no. • • • • • And we have to try to remind ourselves, as hard as it is, that this is a temporary challenge. • • • • It's not life or death. It's not an existential crisis. • • • • • • It feels like it • • • because our brains are flooded with cortisol and we're. Everything inside of us is screaming that we need to fight or flee. • • • • • • • • • • • • • But it's because of the cortisol. • • • Your brain, I said your brain is marinating in cortisol. • • • And so that is what's making you feel like • • • this is • • worthy • • • • of a catastrophe. • • • And so in the show notes, um, • • I'm going to link, uh, you to the episode on amygdala hijack, and I'll not only the episode, but I'also link you to the show notes. Because in the show notes for that episode, I think it's 106, there are, there's a link to a DEC caastrophizing worksheet. • And if you print out a few of these on the copy machine and have a few at home and a few at work, • and you're engaging in ruminating thoughts and you pull out this • • • • DEC catastrophizing worksheet and you answer the four or five questions, • • • • • almost everybody that does it feels better after they do it. Okay. • • • These are designed by • • • highly skilled and highly experienced • psychologists, um, • • • • and therapists. • • Um, DEC Caastrophizing worksheets work a lot of the time. • So • • • strategy one, we're going toa name it. We're going toa, you know, engage. We're going to name that we're engaged in ruminating thoughts. And then number two is that we're going toa gain perspective and stop catastrophizing. We're going to use that/rop, dec caastrophizing worksheet. • And that brings us to strategy number three. We're going to try and avoid triggers that are going to trigger the thoughts about this parent in the first place. And I think this is especially true outside of school. Maybe when you're driving home or at bedtime when you're trying to fall asleep. Or for me, it's like when I'm in the shower, when I'm cutting grass and there's no, like, distractions and I'm sort of alone with my thoughts. Whenever there's like, quote unquote quiet time, that's when the ruminating thoughts really start to, uh, get geared up. • • • And so the way that I'm going to send you in the right direction on how to avoid triggers • • • is I'm going to link episode 75 in the show notes. And the title of that episode is Stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm • • • • • • • • Stop inviting parents into your home after 7pm and so that episode I really got into, how can you kind of keep that parent and the thoughts about that parent at school? • • • And so I won't get into all of that here, but I will link it and you can go back and listen to that again. • • And so we're going to try and avoid the triggers, • • especially outside of school and especially during the more quiet times outside of school. • •
We are typically dysregulated emotionally. But at some point in time, we all need to
All right, strategy number four then is we're going to regulate the autonomic nervous system. • • • • • • • • And I know that's easier said than done, but when we're having ruminating Thoughts. We are typically • dysregulated emotionally. • • • • And I want you to think back. You know, I know most of the listeners of this podcast that are school leaders at some point in the past were teachers. You know, not everyone, but, you know, most of you were. • • And when you were a teacher in the classroom, • • • • 1m of the things you did all the time, all day long, was to take kids that were emotionally dysregulated and help them become regulated. • • • • Regardless of the age of the kid that you taught, and depending on where you taught and what year it was, there were maybe more or less of those kids that needed it. But • • • • • • • • • at some point in time, we all need to go from being emotionally dysregulated to being regulated. • • • And so • • all of the tricks, all of the tools, all of the things that you can do, • • um, I put together quite a list. • • They're in the show notes of episode 106. They'll be in the show notes for this episode. The privatehoolear.com Episode 1, 2, 5. • • • • Episode 106 is how to avoid amygdala hijack. • • I'm talking box breathing the physiological sigh. • • • • The, um, • strategy of Name it to tame it. • • • Um, actually drinking a lot of water right when you wake up in the morning because you're most dehydrated and staying hydrated during the day. A lot of us are in a constant state of dehydration, and that makes • it much more likely that our autonomic nervous system will become dysregulated. So there's a lot of things that we can do • • • to regulate the autonomic nervous system, • and those will all be linked for you in the show notes.
Set a timer for five minutes and then the beeper goes off
Okay, that brings us to strategy number five, and that is set a timer. Okay, now this one's going to sound a little weird, but if you set a timer and you just say, okay, I'm going to ruminate for five minutes • • • • and then the beeper goes off. Okay, • • • • • • • now that sounds strange, • • but it works. It works for a lot of people. Okay, • • you're going to give yourself permission to worry about this, to ruminate, to worry, to think, to be, to feel anxious. But you're going to do it for five minutes and then you're going to say, okay, I did my ruminating. I'm go goingna move on with the rest of my evening. • • • • • • • • • And • • • you might say, that doesn't sound like it's going toa work. • • Try it. • • • • Because • • • when you give yourself permission • • to have those ruminating thoughts, but you put a time limit on it, • • • • • • • • sometimes that tells the brain, okay, I did the thing and now I can go on and do something else. • • • • And I want to make a quick analogy there. The statistics about the divorce rate after people win the lottery, a couple, one of the people in the relationship win the lottery. • • • • • • People that are married, the divorce rate is like 75% • • after a big lottery win. • • • And also the number of people that blow all the money • and have no money within less than three years is very high. Okay? And when people win the lottery and they actually go talk to a financial advisor, what many of them advise them to do is to take 10% of the payout and to just blow it. Blow 10% on something ridiculous. • Something that just, you know, • • • • • • • that souped up sports car or that trip that's, uh, uh, you know, luxurious and • crazy • • over the top, blow 10% of it, • • • and then get serious about the other 90% • • • people who do that. • • • Divorce rates low and • • • chances that they hang on to that money high because they got it out of their system and it was a small percentage • • • • and they just did the thing. But then they got that out of their system and they, then they went on and were more rational. And in some ways, I think that setting a timer for five minutes and saying, I'm going to ruminate, • have ruminating thoughts about this parent or this issue at school, you allow yourself, but you time yourself. • • • • • • • • • What, what's the, what's the harm in trying it? Even if it sounds ridiculous, what's the harm in trying it? Number five is set a time, or number six, write it down and put it away. • • All right, • so • • • this is another one that might sound kind of strange, but let's say that you're getting ready to leave school. • • You take a piece of paper, • • • you write that parent's name on the piece of paper, and then you • • put it in a drawer. • • • • • • You're giving your brain permission • • • that I don't need to think all evening • about this particular parent. • • I'm, um, just pressing pause. • • I'm putting it in a reliable place. See, the brain • • doesn't want you to forget about this parent because • • it's important and you need to resolve this issue and you need to blah, blah, blah. Okay, so when we put things in a reliable place, • • • • it closes a loop in the brain. And the brain's like, okay, she's got this, or, okay, he's got this. • • • • • • And so • • • • write it down and put it away when you're going to leave for the day. And this parent is taking up a lot of headspace. • • • Write their name down on a piece of paper. Put it in the drawer, • • • give your brain permission to just set that down quot unquote • • and then you can deal with it and take action on it the next morning. • • • • • • • It works • for many people. It works. I'm not saying that any of these work for everybody, but each of them work for some people or many people. And it's really just a matter of you • • • trying a couple. And, uh, that one didn't work at all. Okay. That's why there's eight.
Use a positive distraction by changing the activity you're doing
All right. • • • And then strategy seven is to use a positive distraction by changing the activity. Now I want to give a disclaimer. You're probably still thinking about that bright pink elephant on the unicycle, right? • • And so I don't want to say, oh, well, just think about something else, because that's not how this works. And actually telling someone, well, just stop thinking about it. We know how we feel. If someone were to tell us that. So we're not going to tell people that. I'm not going to tell you that. But if you're doing something, or probably most likely doing nothing, • or doing something where there's a lot of quiet and • um, white or white noise and you're thinking too much about this parent or this school issue, • • • • it is especially true • • • about changing the activity if the activity requires physical • • • movement • • or cognitive skills. • • • So let's say you go for a brisk walk in your neighborhood, just a, uh, five or ten minute brisk paced walk, • • and you could put in your headphones and listen to a true crime podcast or this podcast or anyone that is going to make you use your brain a little bit. Okay? And there are many people who, the thing that really works for them is to just start doing multiplication tables. • • Because the locus of control while you're having ruminating thoughts is in the emotional part of your brain. It's in the, uh, amygdala. And what you want to do is change the locus of control to the prefrontal cortex where logic and reason take place. • • • And one of the ways that you can do that is to start doing multiplication tables in your head or anything that just requires a cogitive, • • um, cognitive abilities. • • So • • • use a positive distraction and change the activity. • • That's not me saying don't think about it. That's me saying that if you move your body • • or you start doing multiplication tables or something similar, a suduo or whatever, • • • that it could make a difference. • • And then that brings us to number eight, which is strategy. Number eight is focused on what you can control. You can't control everything, especially how parents react how parents act, • • • but you can control how you respond. • • • And if you can try • • your hardest to shift your attention • • • from what you can do next, • • • • • if you can shift your attention to what you can do next, or to, to resolve this or to address the issue instead of just worrying, worrying, worrying, worrying, worrying about the outcome. • • • • • It's about shifting to take action • • • instead of worrying about things that you can't control. And I'll admit, this is probably the hardest one on the list. This is why we're in this spot, uh, in the first place, is because we're focused on the stuff that's out of our control and that's stressing us out. • But again, if you can press pause, become a curious observer of the situation, • • • • • • then you can • focus a little more on what can I control? Put your energy into that, and then you might have a little bit less energy that you're putting into • • • • the worrying and the thinking and the ruminating thoughts. • •
We talked about what is actually happening when we have ruminating thoughts
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? We talked about what is actually happening, which is ruminating thoughts. • We talked about, you know, why does this happen? • • Um, and we also talked about, what are ruminating thoughts? Those repetitive, intrusive • • mental patterns where we fixate on a particular issue and it affects our mood and energy and, • um, our anxiety levels. • • And, you know, why does it happen and what makes it worse? Well, it happens because it's a brain's way of trying to solve an issue. And the thing that makes it worse is, is that it triggers our fight or flight response, • • but that we have to remember that this is a psychological threat and not a physical threat. Our body is acting and reacting like it's a physical threat. • • And then I gave you eight strategies for making this better. • To give that eviction notice to the parent that's living rent free in your head. Number one, recognize you're engaging in ruminating thoughts. Number two, gain perspective so you don't catastrophize. • • Three, avoid triggers. Four, regulate your autonomic nervous system. Five, set a timer. Six, write it down, put it away. Seven, use a positive distraction, • • especially physical activity or cognitive skills needed. And number eight, focus on what you can control. • And then I like to end every episode with a call to action. And yours is to just pick one strategy, just one, and try it, and then see if it makes a difference. • • • •
7 Steps to Having Successful Meetings with Parents with Upset Parents
And I want to give you another gift for listening to the podcast and just say thank you for spending your time here. And this one's called 7 Steps to Having Successful Meetings with Parents with Upset Parents. And it's an 11 page PDF that gives you seven steps. • • • You know, I think that every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don't have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a plan. • And you can grab the free guide at the privateschool leader.com meeting. That's seven steps to have a successful meeting with an upset parent. The privatescgoolal.com meeting. A, uh, quick reminder that I think Parent Academy could be a game changer for you and your teachers. • • It's four modules for you, and then it's two 45 minute PDs for your teachers. • • • And I told you that the reviews are coming in from North Carolina, Ohio, Texas, California, and they're pretty good. And I think that they could be pretty good at your school too. So check that out. The privatechooladeer.com • • parentacademy and if you could do me one favor, and that is to just share the link to this episode with another leader at your school or a rising leader at your school, because they're dealing with parents too. And it would just be a way to get the word out and to get more people hearing this content so that it can help them • • • thrive and get out of survival mode when it comes to being a private school leader. So I just really appreciate you. Um, I want to say how much I'm impressed by the amazing work that you do at your school. And thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
- Lyssna Lyssna igen Fortsätt Lyssnar...
- Lyssna senare Lyssna senare
Episode 124: How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”
1 mar· The Private School Leader Podcast
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re having a nice weekend, hanging out with friends and family.You are getting some things done around the house and running some errandsOn Sunday (late afternoon, early evening) you start to feel weird, you feel off.Your stomach feels off, you feel a little anxious, stressed, maybe you have a headache, You might even feel irritable and restless.
Unfortunately, you have come down with a case of the “Sunday Scaries.”
According to a recent survey from LinkedIn, 66% of all employees regularly feel this way on Sunday evening. This is true even if they love their jobs!
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Are any of these statements true about you?
The "tyranny of the urgent" controls my day, and I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet.I feel discouraged, lonely, exhausted and stressed out. I'm not sure that my job is sustainable.My school invades every part of my professional and personal life.I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader.I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes.
I have felt that way many times during my career. That’s why I created the PSL Pro Membership
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps Private School Leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supported.
You will have access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually "get it" and "get you"! We will go live every month for a Masterclass, a Success Path Coaching Session, two "We Get It" Roundtable Sessions and a live Q&A about anything and everything related to Private School Leadership.
The PSL Pro Success Path is a Step by Step Plan to get you from where you are to where you want to be as a leader. Different Levels: The Overwhelmed Drifter, The Intentional Architect, all the way to The Fulfilled Mentor. After you choose your level, you will be guided, step-by-step, through the content in THRIVE Academy. This content, along with my guidance and the support of other leaders, will take you from where you are all the way to being The Fulfilled Mentor!
Learn more about how you can join the PSL Pro community by going to theprivateschoolleader.com/membership
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode124
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Year podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Mus. • • • So, um, I'm wondering if this has ever happened to you. • • • You're having a nice weekend, you're hanging out with your family, maybe see a couple of friends, • • • • and you're getting some things done around the house, you're running some errands, maybe one of your kids has a sports, • • um, um, commitment. And you know, you're just having a nice weekend. • • And then it's Sunday afternoon, it's, you know, it's late afternoon, it's early evening, and you kind of start to feel weird. You feel a little off, your stomach feels kind of weird. You're starting to feel a little bit anxious, a little stressed. • • • Maybe you're getting a headache, maybe you're a little more irritable, maybe you're just kind of restless • • and you're, you're not really sure what's going on with you. And so I wonder if that's ever happened to you on a Sunday afternoon, • • late afternoon, early evening. Well, • • if that's the case, • • • then you have the Sunday Scaris • • • • and the Sunday Scaries we're go goingna talk about on today's episode. • I just want you to know that this is something that's really common across all industries. • • There were some recent LinkedIn surveys. There was one in 2018, • • • • um, um, and another one more recently • • • • that said that across all industries • • • • employees • • • report that 66% of all employees regularly, • • um, deal with the Sunday scaries. • • And that 80% report that at some point in the past that they've felt these symptoms on a Sunday evening. • • • And so I said that it happens across all industries, but I actually think it can be extra tough • • for private school leaders and I'll explain why in a little bit. So this is something that a lot of us deal with. I know certainly I deal with it. And u, um, most Sunday nights over the course of my career and especially true if I'm coming back from a break. And so we want to make this better. And so on today's episode of the PrivateAller podcast, we are re going to talk about how to overcome the Sunday Scaris. • • • •
PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders
So I want to ask you if any of these statements are true about You. So I'm going to ask you. I'm. I'm going toa name some things. I'm go going toa make some statements and I want you to think, you know, that's describing me. Okay. First of all, • um, • the tyranny of the urgent controls my day. And I start working on my important tasks when the school gets quiet. • • So when the kids and the teachers leave, • you start working on your important tasks. Okay. Number two, • • • I feel. • • Sometimes I feel discouraged or lonely or exhausted or stressed out and I'm just not sure that my job is sustainable. • • • • I'm wondering if you ever feel that way. Number three, • • • • my school invades every part of my professional and personal life. • Wonder if that's true about you. • • Um, um. Number four, I want to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. • • And number five, I feel called to do this work, but I am not sure how long I can keep doing it if nothing changes. • • • • • So I wonder if any of those statements describes • • you. • • • • Well, I've felt all of those • feelings many times during my career. • • And that's why I created the PSL Pro membership. And PSL stands for Private School Leader. And PSL Pro is a membership community that helps private school leaders go from feeling stressed out, discouraged and lonely to feeling energized, fulfilled and supportive, • supported. And so you'll get inside PSL Pro. You'll get access to a thriving community of school leaders who actually get it and get you. • • We go Live • U, um, • every week form, um, • once a month, a MasterC class, a success Path coaching session. • We have twice a month where we do the We get it roundtable sessions. • • Once a month, a live Q and A that's about anything and everything related to private school leadership • • • and what the. And I want to talk for a minute about the PSL Pro Success Path. So • • • • I've created this success path where it has five levels • • and • you pick the level that you are on. And so for example, there's the overwhelm Drifter and there's the intentional architect and there's the U, um, Skilled builder and there's the fulfilled mentor. And you're like, okay, well how on earth would I would I figure that out? Well, • • • • I'll tell you in a moment. But you go and there's descriptors and how you feel and how you think and what you're doing. And then you figure out where you are, what level you're at. And then PSLO Success Path gives you a step by step plan to take you all the Way up through the levels to the fulfilled mentor. • • And the way you get there is through the content that's inside Thrive Academy. And that's my signature online digital course. And what I've done is taken it and repackaged it, reconfigured it into the different levels of this, um, PSL Pro success path. So it's easier to understand it when you see it than when you hear it. • And you can learn more about joining the PSL Pro community by going to the privategaleider.com • membership. But again, this is a membership with other school leaders. They get it, they get you. There's going to be going live once a week. You're going to have a very specific success path that's going to help you. You're not going to get overwhelmed, you're going to know exactly what to do next. And it's a step by step by step • • process to help you grow as a leader, but also to help you go from feeling the way you, you feel • • in those things that I described to getting what you want and being that fulfilled and energized and happy • • leader. And so again, that's, uh, at the privatescchoolade leader.com membership excited. Just launched that this week and I'd love for you to check that out. And then lastly, I want to give you a free gift to say thank you • • • for listening to the podcast. And this one's called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And we know that working with parents is part of the job. And most of our parents are great, but some of them can be demanding and emotional and difficult. And so this guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So if you go to the privatescchoolder.com Parents, you can grab this free guide called 5 Strategies to Help you work with difficult parents. • And that's@the privatescchooler.com parents free to you just as, uh, a thank you for listening to the podcast every week. •
Sunday scaries are anxiety that starts to set in as weekend draws to close
So on today's episode, we are going to • • talk about the Sunday scaries. • • And we're going to break this down into three parts. • First, we're going to define what are the Sunday scaries? • • And then we're going to talk about why do the Sunday scaries happen? • • And then third, we're going to talk about strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • So let's begin by defining what are the Sunday scari. So it's also known as the Sunday blues. Um, • • there's some, some other names out there, but this seems to be the one that's kind of • • most popular right now. But it just refers to anxiety and even a sense of dread that starts to set in as the weekend draws to a close. • • • • • • And I wonder, you know, if that's something that you deal with • • every Sunday, • • • • • if it's something you never deal with. I think it's still worthwhile for you to listen to the rest of this episode because it might be something that you deal with in the future. • • But as the weekend's drawing to close, the anxiety starts to rise • and you feel this increased strength, stress, um, sense of stress and worry • • and there's just pressure as you start to antic. Anticipate the week ahead and Monday morning. And, and like I said at the top of the episode, I do feel like that even though this is something that people across all industries experience, that I think that the reason that for private school leaders it might even be a little worse • • • • is because of how complex our jobs are. There's so much complexity when it comes to the students and the teachers and the parents and the board and the facilities and the finance and the marketing and the retention and the transportation and the sports program and the spring musical. And I could go on for a couple of hours listing all of the things that are part of your job. • • • • There's a lot of complexity. • There's a lot of unknowns, • and I think that that contributes to the way you feel on Sunday night. • • And so while this is natural and normal to feel • • • • some apprehension or some anxiety about a, uh, busy work week, • • • • it'research shows that the Sunday scaries tend to amplify that stress • • • and makes it harder to transition from being relaxed • and being in kind of that weekend mode to being in work mode. And let's face it, that's not easy to do in the first place. Like when you come back from a vacation • • • or you, you know, just period, trying to go from being relaxed to back into your work mode. That's not easy. And the Sunday scaries make it harder. • • And, uh, I talked before about, like, how this can feel. It can, it can show up physically with like, stomachaches or headaches. • It can show up emotionally with just like, feeling overwhelmed or, or anxious or feeling a little hopeless. • • And it can actually show up cognitively by like, having it be that it's. You're having trouble concentrating and you're having a lot of invasive thoughts about the upcoming week. And then that can lead to trouble sleeping on Sunday night. • • • And, um, um, • • • the thing that I'll mention again is, for me at least, • • • • • • • the Sunday evening feelings that we're talking about • are often much worse for me when I'm coming back from a break. So if you're off for a week for spring break or • winter break or Christmas break, whatever, and it's the Monday, you know, it's the first day back that, that evening before, • • I'm not always in very good shape. Okay, so that's what they are.
Five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen and seven strategies to reduce them
Now let's talk about why they happen. So I have five reasons here why the Sunday scaries happen. • • • And as usual, I'm going to take good care of you in the show notes. And those are found@the privateschoolader.com Episode 124. • • And • not only for why they happen here, but when we get to the list of strategies for how to reduce the Sunday scaries, there's actually seven strategies. • And since I often encourage you to listen to the podcast while you're doing something else, I'm not expecting that you're going to remember all of this. So just listen, take it in, and then that'll be there for you in the show notes, um, when you want to return to it. So why do the Sunday scaries happen? Number one, because of anticipatory anxiety. • • • So we are all creatures of habit and we like predictability. We know that at school that predictability and support is huge for kids to feel psychologically safe. • • • And • so we like the, we like them. Um, • the habit, the routine, the predictability of a routine • • and the start of a new week can feel kind of intimidating • • when we start thinking about what we might be dealing with. • • And that's where the anticipatory anxiety comes in. • • • • • • We're not sure what we're going to face. • • • You know, you've heard it said, no two days the same when you're a, uh, school leader. And so • • exactly like you, you could write a book about all of the stuff that, you know just this week, • um, um, • • • the different coaching clients that I have, some of the stuff that I've heard as far as like, that's happening at their school • • or what just happened before they jump on the coaching call or they get a text and they have to run to the thing • like, • • • • you know what I'm talking about. It's like, you can't make this stuff up, right? And so when you think about the stuff that you might face, • • • • • there can be some anticipatory • • anxiety. And then Sunday night almost becomes like a pre Monday morning kind of feeling. Okay, so why do the Sunday scaries happen. Number two • • • is because of work stress. • • So if you feel unprepared for tasks • • that are waiting for you at school • • • • and you're worried about unfinished tasks from the previous week or how many unread emails are in your email inbox, then that's going to cause your stress level to go up. And then when we're stressed, the fight or flight response is going to cause, um, some changes in our body because our body wants to keep us safe. And I want you to think about it this way. • You know, if the fight or flight response kicks in • • and it wants to keep us safe and it wants to, • • you know, flood our brains with cortisol and increase our heart rate, and the blood rushes to the extremities so that we can run away faster from, from the grizzly bear. • • • • • Your brain doesn't see the grizzly bear, and your brain starts to, like, think • • that the school is the grizzly bear. • • • • • • And • • as, uh, Sunday night starts to roll around and it gets dark and you're kind of getting ready for bed, your brain is, like, trying to keep you safe. And it's like, well, don't do that. Don't go there. • • • And so we'll get to one of the strategies that will help really • • • calm that down. • • Um, but that's what's happening inside of your body, • • um, many times when, • • uh, that stress level starts to go up. • • •
Third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations
The third reason why Sunday scari happen is unfulfilled expectations. • • So let's think about this one for a minute. Sunday evening rolls around, • • and I don't know about you, but sometimes I start thinking about all the things that I didn't get to on the weekend. • • • • So whether it's chores, • • or maybe I wanted to exercise, • • • or maybe I wanted to, like, FaceTime with one of my daughters, • • or maybe I wanted to go out on a date with my wife, • • • or, • • uh, uh, • there's some project that I wanted to, like, work on, and I just feel like I'm behind and I didn't get to it and I didn't do the thing or I didn't make progress. And that just kind of like gets into this little • • cocktail of anxiety with some guilt thrown in there. • • • • • • So • it's not just about what's coming up on Monday morning. • • • It's about us looking back at the previous two days • • • and feeling emotions • • about what we didn't get to. • • • • And so there's this, like I said, it's just a mixture of emotions that's going on.
You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights
Okay, • • number four reason why we have Sunday scaries. Is a little bit of resentment. Okay, now I want to want you to hear this. You can love your job and still hate Sunday night. • • • • • So let me hit you with that again. You can love your job and still hate Sunday nights. There are a lot of people out there that feel certain ways on Sunday evening, even if they like their job. • • So this isn't an indictment on your job or saying that you need to get out of education or switch schools or • something just because you're feeling this way. • • There's a lot of things conspiring against you to make you feel this way that really have very little to do about how much you like your job. • • • And so that's why these strategies that we're going to get to in a moment are so important, because you might. It's hard enough what you do, • • and you also hopefully are not miserable at work. • • Um, and this unease and general unease and disappointment that you • • feel about the weekend ending. And it's the. Or just think about it this way. • • • • • How do you feel on that drive home from vacation? • • • • • • • On the one hand, you'reflecting on vacation. • • We had fun. It was great. The weather was good. • • • But you're still kind of bummed. • • • I mean, • I'm looking forward to getting back to sleeping in my bed, but I'm bummed when the week at, uh, the Jersey shore comes to an end and we're driving home. • • And so think about Sunday night as being kind of like that drive home from vacation. But it happens every week, • • • so there's a little bit of that in there. And then number five is lack of boundaries between school and home is another reason why the Sunday scaries happen, because there's just no boundaries. School is like water. Water goes wherever it wants to. And if it is invading every nook and cranny of your home, then Sunday night you're going to feel a certain way because you really feel like you didn't get a weekend. • • So those are the five reasons why the Sunday scaries happen.
Identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries
So now let's talk about seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaries. • • • Okay? Number one is identify the root cause of your Sunday scaries. And this is by far the most important one on this list. • • Because if you don't get clear on why you're feeling this way, you're going to keep feeling this way and it's probably going to get worse. • • And, you know, like I said before, one moment you're enjoying your weekend, and then all of a sudden you just, like, hit with this feeling of impending doom • • that you just can't get Rid of. And so just instead of just writing it off and being like, oh, okay, well, it's just, • • this is just the way I feel, I guess on Sunday nights, like, don't do that. • Just dig a little deeper and just start asking yourself some questions. Like, • • is it because, um, I'm • • feeling unprepared for Monday morning? • • • • Is it because I'm unhappy about my role, or is it because • I'm unhappy about the. • • • • Something specific at school? Is it because of what I said before about work life balance? Or is it because of the unfulfilled expectations? And so here's my point. It's like if you identify the root cause and let's just say, for example, that you really • • • can nail it down, that you know what, it's not really so much what's waiting for me is, is it's as much as just that I'm bummed about what I didn't get to on the weekend. Okay, well, that's super helpful to identify that because then that's something that you can work on. And so let's say that you don't get to all the errands on the weekend. Well, maybe you just have too many errands for a weekend. • And then on the way home from work on one or two of the days, • • you do one or two of those errands. So there's a couple less on the weekend. And then you don't feel that way every Sunday night. So you see where I'm going here. It's like you. • It's. It's like anything in life. If there's a thing • • with a kid, if there's a thing with a teacher and their behavior is a certain way, and especially if it's a change in behavior, usually it's not the behavior. It's us trying to find out what's causing the behavior. And so we need to apply that to ourselves and figure out why is that, what are the main reasons or the main reason why I'm feeling this way? And then you're more equipped do something about it. So that's number one. • • • • Number two • • strategy is to be more intentional about your Sundays. • • And I'm going to give you a phrase here. • • • And it's do the worst first. • • • • Do the worst first. • And I don't know about you, but on Saturday morning, I sure don't feel like doing the chores and the errands. I feel like that's, you knowuse, I get up, I set the alarm to go to church on Sunday morning. And so I'm not the Saturday is the only day that I don't have to set the alarm. Now we all wake up anyways because our bodies are used to waking up early. But • • • we, my point is, is that we're not really feeling it on Saturday morning to do the worst first. • • • • But sometimes we • • • don't • get to the things that have to get done on Saturday • • and then those things have to get done on Sunday and they run into Sunday afternoon and Sunday evening and it exacerbates what we're talking about. Now I do want to acknowledge that, um, with our Jewish friends, • • um, at Veentice friends, that there are um, certain religions where, you know, Saturday is the day of rest or perhaps Sunday is your Sabbath and it's a day of rest and so you need to adjust accordingly. But • • the idea of do the worst first so that you're not working on these things on Sunday afternoon, • um, • • is a pretty important um, thing to remember. Um, and then create a Sunday evening routine. • • • So • • let's say you did the worst first. • • • And at such and such a time • • • • • on Sunday evening, I think this is super important that you're going to start to do something • • that helps you wind down. You know, so if you, in this lucid moment, • • • maybe you're not listening to this on a Sunday evening, • • • you think, okay, what, what would, what are the things that help me to relax? Maybe it's • • going for a walk, maybe it's watching a show, maybe it's • • listening to music, maybe it's reading a book. Um, I hope • • it's not great if the Sunday evening routine that gets you to wind down is um, um, • • being on social media or checking news, even worse. But I'll leave that up to you to decide. • • But to just have a little bit of a routine before bedtime on Sunday evening, even if it's just on Sunday evening • where you're doing something very intentionally • • that's going to help you relax, • • • help you fall asleep. • •
We vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, and we get way less than we need
And that leads us to strategy number three, which is go to bed. • • Strategy number three is go to bed. • • You know how much sleep you need. • Um, um. • • • And so • • • rushing around, doing the last thing and listen, I get it, everyone listening here is at a different season in their life. • • Um, um, we, my wife and I became empty nesters about a year and a half agom. Um, but I remember what it was like to have a four year old, a six year old and an eight year old, you know, three daughters with long hair and bath time and packing lunches and all that kind of crazy stuff that just. I get it. Everyone's at a different stage. • • • • • • But • • • • Sunday evening, • • • • it's not going to do us any favors • • • • if we're getting to bed • • • • a lot later than we should. • • • And the way that we can actually have some agency surrounding this • • is to just get intentional about it • • and work backwards from the time that we want to be in bed. • • And so I know I'm preaching to the choir. I know that you know that. • • But • we vastly underestimate how important our sleep is, • and we get way less sleep than we need. And so if we can just make a little progress in that direction, it'll make a big difference.
Be more intentional about Friday afternoon because it impacts Sunday night
All right, strategy number four • to overcome the Sunday scaries • • is to be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Be more intentional about Friday afternoon. So • • once you've identified the root cause, if one of the. If the thing that's really stressing you out is what's waiting for you on Monday morning, • • then maybe you need to spend the last 30 minutes of the work day on Friday differently, • • • • because the way you spend the last 30 to 60 minutes of Friday • • • is probably going to impact • • Sunday night. • • Now, I want to give a little disclaimer, and that is that, uh, all of this is easier said than done, and in particular this one, • • because on Friday afternoon, I don't know about you, • but that's what I'm the most exhausted, • • and I'm just looking for • • • • that time when I can leave • • • and go home. • • • And for many of us, you know, it's. • • We make it to the end of the school day and then there's a basketball game or a soccer game or a, uh, concert or a, you know, something else. And then it, you know, a school dance • and it gets even later. I get that, • • • but just hear me out on the concept. And that is to claim some white space in your calendar where you schedule some time with yourself • • on Friday afternoon. • • And then what you're going toa do • is that you're going to look at your next week • • and you're going to claim white space on your calendar • • and you're going to perhaps • • even fill out your index card for Monday morning. • • Now, if claiming whiteace and the index card are not familiar terms for you, to you, • I will link that episode, um, um, • I think it might be episode four, but I'll link that in the show notes. And it's about u, um, some productivity, um, hacks for busy private school leaders. • And you can listen to that and then you'll know what I'm talking about. But the things you will listen about, listen to in that episode, if you apply them on Friday afternoon. • • I can. • • • • • I'd like to say I can guarantee you, but I am pretty positive • that it will impact you positively on Sunday night • • if you do • some of those things on Friday afternoon. So I'll link that in the show notes at the privatescchoolade leader.com Episode 124 all right, that brings us to strategy five. • • • • This one is create a Monday morning treat. • • • • Let's have something to look forward to on Monday. • • • • • • • Let's say that there's a special coffee that isn't very good for you, • • and it's a treat. It's not your normal morning coffee. I don't know, I'm not a big coffee guy. So maybe it's got more whipped cream and more sugar or more caffeine or whatever. • • Maybe it's a breakfast sandwich. Okay, there's this one Breakfast sandwich at McDonald's that I only eat like twice a year. U. Um, • but like, • instead of it being, • • • um, like an English muffin, they actually have like, two little pancakes with like, maple syrup inside the bread part. • • • • But • it's not very good for me. And so here's my point. I'm not. I just want you to think about, like, what could be • • • a Monday morning treat. • • • • • And • • if you have something to look forward to, it could also be that, like, let's say that you have a sister or your mom or a friend or someone that lives out of town. I know some people who will put in their, um, • • • • • you know, their earbuds and they will, uh, call a friend, and that friend is also on their way to work that on that morning. What could you do on Monday morning that wouldn't take a lot of time? That would be a treat. And it is something to look forward to. • • • • • I think that could be a huge game changer for you. And it doesn't have to be super expensive. It doesn't have to be a big thing. It doesn't have to be time consuming. So number five strategy is to create a Monday morning treat. • • Number six is reduced screen time on Sunday. And I don't just mean right before bed. I just mean in general. Like, let's face it, like, during the week, • • • it's almost impossible to not have screen time because of the way that we communicated our schools with text and with WhatsApp and different things like that. Slack. • • Um, but • • if on Sunday • • • we can do less screen time, • • • that can lead to less stress and better sleep and more focus on • human interaction, which brings us more joy. • • • And • • even if the only thing that you do is that you don't check work email before bed. • That's a great place to start. • • • Um, and if you don't have the self discipline to • • • not lay in bed and scroll and check that, then • • charge your phone just out of reachm. Um, that's what I started to do because I did not have the self discipline to not check email in the morning while laying in bed before I said good morning to my wife. And so I started charging my phone just out of reach. • • • • Um, it was a huge game changer and I still do it to this day. And then strategy number seven is to practice gratitude. • And again, I will link an episode that I did on gratitude, um, • • in the show notes. But it's very, very difficult. The research supports that. It's very difficult to be anxious and grateful at the same time. • • • And when we can refocus our brains on the things that we are thankful for, • • • • • we can then • snap out of the amygdala hijack of • our brains, focusing on the unknowns that we're stressed about. • • See, things that we're grateful for are either in reality, in the present. I'm grateful for my wife, for my daughters, grateful for things that have happened in the past, you know, um, when that financial need was met or when I got that job or when I got that promotion or whatever. • These are tangible, real things that exist in the present or the past that we're grateful for. • • Those can • • • • • tether us • • • • • • more than being untethered • • by the anticipatory anxiety of stuff that hasn't happened, that we're not sure what's going to happen. • • So gratitude, A, uh, gratitude practice, a journal, writing down three things on a post. It can be a really big deal.
There are seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? • • • • First of all, remember that the Sunday scaries are very common. Anywhere from 66% to 80% • • across all industries have experienced this. • • Why do they happen? Number one, anticipatory anxiety. Number two, work stress. • • Three, unfulfilled expectations for resentment. Five, lack of boundaries between school and home. And then seven strategies to reduce the Sunday scaris. • • One, identify the root cause of your Sunday scaris. You got to know why this is happening. Number two, be more intentional about your Sundays. Do the worst first. • Number three, go to bed. Four, be more intentional about Friday afternoon. • • • • Check out that episode about the productivity hacks. And • • if you're more, um, intentional about • • • what you do on Friday afternoon, it will make a difference on Sunday night. Number five, create a, a Monday morning treat. Number six, reduce screen time on Sunday. And number seven is practice gratitude. I like to end every episode with a call to action. I just encourage you to pick one strategy and try it on Sunday. • • • If this is a thing for you • • • feeling a certain way on Sunday afternoon, Sunday evening, pick one strategy • • • and try it on Sunday. • • • And I want to give you another free resource. This one is called the six Things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. This is a six page PDF that can be a game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things to, teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. So this is@the privatescchool leader.com guide. That's the six things that every private school teacher wants from their leader. Free for you@the privatescooler.com guide. • • And then just a quick reminder about PSL Pro. You know, being a private school leader can feel really lonely and isolating. • And we often ven to a spouse or partner or friend • • and that person will say, well, just tell the parent no. • And then we say, well, you just don't get it. I can't do that. And so there's a community of private school leaders who actually do get it and they get you and it's called PSL Pro. • • And we have live meetups once a week and you can post in the community and we support each other • and we even have a thing twice a month that's a live meetup called the We Get It Roundtable where you can give and get encouragement. • • And so just I want you to imagine surrounding yourself with other private school leaders who understand you and want to support you. And so go to the privateschoolleadeer.com membership to learn more. • • • And if you would just please share this link to this episode with another • • leader school leader in your life or a rising leader at your school. • Um, we want to get the word out and get these practical tools into the hands of as many people as possible. •
Mark Mincus: Thank you for joining me on Private School Leader podcast
So as usual, I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I want to say how much I appreciate you and the hard work that you're doing at your school for the lucky kids and teachers that you serve. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
- Lyssna Lyssna igen Fortsätt Lyssnar...
- Lyssna senare Lyssna senare
Episode 123: 4 Ways To Deal With The Teacher That Is An "Energy Vampire"
22 feb· The Private School Leader Podcast
I am a huge fan of 80’s movies. Some of my favorites are Rocky 4, Back To The Future, Ghostbusters, Die Hard, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and Top Gun.
However, I am not a fan of scary movies. In fact, two of my least favorite words are “jump scare”
From 2008-2012, the 5 movies in the Twilight franchise grossed more than $1.3 billion. I didn’t want to, but I went with my wife to every single one of those movies. Even though the Twilight franchise was more romance novel than slasher horror flick, those vampires still really freaked me out.
In our private schools, we have our own version of a vampire.
I’m talking about the teacher that sucks the energy right out of you.Not only do they drain you, but they can suck the energy right out of a team meeting just moments after they open their mouth.It’s the teacher who always has a complaint, constantly needs to vent, has an unending series of "emergencies", but it’s usually the same “crisis”, over and over.
You know the teacher I’m talking about, right?
Well, on today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast we are going to discuss 5 Ways To Deal With The Teacher That Is An "Energy Vampire".
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode123
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long • and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So if you've been listening to the podcast or if you've ever been to my about page • • on the Privatechooladeleader.com /about. • • You know, something about me, and that is that I love the 80s and I love 80s movies. • • Um, um, my act, actually my favorite movies, Rockv. Um, um. But also some other favorites are Back to the Future and Ghostbusters and Die Hard and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I mean, there's a long list of really, really good 80s movies. • But • the thing that I am not a fan of at all, • • I'm not a fan of scary movies. • • • And I would say that probably two of my least favorite words are jump scare. Like, I hate jump scares. I don't watch scary movies. I don't watch horror movies. • • • But from 2008 to 2012, • • • the five movies in the Twilight franchise • • • • grossed more than $1.3 billion. • • • And so a movie came out every year. There were five movies. • And my wife was really interested in the movies, • • and so I went with her. And • • • even though it was PG13 • • and it was more or less like, uh, a VI vampire SL romance kind of movie, • um, um, • • • I'll be honest that the vampires still • • freak me out. • • And so here's the thing. • • • You know, in our private schools, • • we actually have our own version of a vampire, • • • and that's the energy vampire. • And I'm talking about the kind of teacher that just sucks the energy right out of you. • And this is a teacher who • • drains your energy in ways that you probably can't even, like, explain it U. Uh, thoroughly or accurately or • • completely. • • And it's like you see them and you honestly, let's be honest, you try to avoid them, but when you interact with them and you leave a conversation with this person, • • • • you feel like you need a nap or you need like a cup of coffee or something. Okay, you. You know what teacher I'm talking about, right? And if you don't have one right now, you know you've had one before. • • • And when it comes to this person, the, uh, teacher, that's the energy vampire. They not only can suck the energy out of you, but they can suck the energy right out of the, the room U, uh, at a, uh, teacher meeting without you even realizing it until you're exhausted or, you know, it's just that awkward moment when everybody's body language changes when that person speaks up. • • • So I'm just wondering if any of this sounds familiar. • • • You know, • • and the other thing is, is that this teacher, you know, they typically have complaints. • • They constantly need to vent. • • Um, um, they have an unending series of quote unquote emergencies that • only you can solve. • • And it's the same crisis over and over and over and over again. Okay, and, and I put crisis in quotes too. • • And so we've all got them. • • And for us as private school leaders, this can be a really big challenge. And so on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to discuss • • five ways to deal with the teacher that is an energy vampire. • • • • •
7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers is free
So I want to give you a free gift just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. • You know, this is episode 123, and some of you have been listening since the beginning, and I really appreciate you taking time out of your busy schedule and hopefully you're always trying to do something else while you're listening. • • Um, but I want to give you a free gift to say thank you. And this one's called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. • • And so sometimes we need some courage and confidence when we have difficult teachers. But I think what you need is a plan, • • because all good teachers have a lesson plan. All good coaches have a game plan. • • I want to give you a plan to work with your difficult teachers. And this is a PDF. It's a step by step plan • that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and their attitude. And so this is over@the privatescool leader.com difficult • • • and you can grab this free guide, the Seven Strategies to Effectively deal with difficult Teachers. • •
Four reasons why we shouldn't ignore the energy vampire and four strategies to deal with it
Just go to the privatescoolleader.com/difficult to get that free guide. And again, just thank you again for listening to the podcast. • • • And so the way we're going to break down today's episode is • into two parts. The first part is four reasons why we shouldn't just ignore the energy vampire • • and then four strategies to effectively deal with the energy vampire. And also we can expand this a little bit. Let's say that right now • • • you have, you know, a staff where nobody immediately comes to mind that's like kind of sucking your energy like this, like I've described. But is there another person on the staff? Maybe • you know, someone on the kitchen staff or someone in the • • office or, you know, and for that matter, if it's not, uh, a staff member, then there's probably that parent that is the energy vampire. So here's my point. These strategies, while they're intended to help with the teacher, um, I think that you can still pick up some really important, • • um, tips and strategies along the way.
Four reasons why we shouldn't just ignore the energy vampire
So let's start with four reasons why we shouldn't just ignore the energy vampire. And I'm going to give you a little heads up. You're not going to like number four on this list. Okay, so the four reasons why we shouldn't just ignore the energy vampire. • • • Number one • • • • is because of the emotional drain on you. • • • • So I want to talk about ignoring for just a quick second. You know, there. We all know about planned ignoring when we're teaching and to not add energy or give energy to some misbehavior. And then, you know, sometimes we use proximity or we touch the student's desk and that can help get them back on track without drawing attention to it and getting into a back and forth with that students, you know. But planned ignoring is not a good idea when it comes to the • • • energy vampire on your staff. • • It's the easiest thing to do. It's just, okay, • • here they come again. I just have to like, kind of get through it and blah, blah, blah. No, that's, • • that's not what we're going to do because on this podcast we're about taking action. We're not about ignoring problems. And so we're going to focus on, you know, why we're going toa, um, • just • • resist the urge to ignore and we're going to do something about it.
Why we should not ignore the energy vampire: Number one, emotional drain
So I'm trying to set the stage for you by, um, telling you why we should not ignore the energy vampire. Okay? Number one, the emotional drain on you. So • these • energy vampires are • • • emotionally draining. They suck the emotional energy out of you. • • Um, they take up your mental space. • They can leave you feel mentally exhausted and drained after you have a conversation with them. And I can just picture in my mind some of you nodding along as you're driving along or as you're, you know, working out that this is, • • um, something that you've experienced. • So you've got enough to do, you've got enough on your plate. You have more than enough on your plate. And so the reason, number one, that we don't want to ignore the energy vampire is because it's, this person is just going to continue to drain you emotionally and it's going to be a disproportional drain on you. And so if we just keep letting the thing happen the way that it happens, then the cumulative effect of that is that you're going to be more drained • at the end of the day or at the end of the week. And so, number one reason we're not going to ignore this is the emotional drain on you. Number two, the emotional drain on your team. • • • • Because here's the thing, if that teacher is doing this to you, you know that they're doing it and probably doing it way more often to the other teachers. • • • And when one teacher is negative • • • or is draining or sucks the emotional energy out of • • others, it has this ripple effect. • • And it can affect morale, teacher morale. It can affect the desire to collaborate. Who wants to collaborate when that person's going to be • • speaking up? Okay. It can even impact student outcomes. • • And it might be hard to draw that, um, connection • • • • to, from the energy empampire behavior to how this could affect student outcomes. But if it's having a negative effect on the team, • • then • • • • I think that things that are negative, • • that impact your teachers over time are going to impact the students. • • • And it's just hard to stay motivated as a teacher when someone is just sucking the life out of the room or there's a teacher that you're trying to, um, avoid. And so the number two reason we're not going toa ignore the teacher, that's the energy vampire, is because of the emotional drain on your team. • • Reason number three is the impact that this person has on school culture. • • •
A person who's an energy vampire impacts the perception of change
So I want you to think about how a person who's an energy vampire impacts • • • • • • the perception of change. • • • • Um, so of course, this person that you're picturing or that you had in the past or that you're picturing and you're getting some strategies today to deal with this person in the future, whoever it might be. Just think about if there's a change that's announced, a change to the schedule, a change to • • when you meet for pd, • Um, a little bit of a change to the handbook. Um, • something to do with accreditation. Just our schools are constantly changing. Well, do you really think that this person that I'm describing, and if you know this person, think about this. How do they do with change? • • • • • • M. They probably do pretty bad, pretty lousy with change. • And so • the undermining of • the support of or the perception of the changes that need to happen, that's going to impact your school culture? Because if we stay where we are, • • • eventually we're going to stagnate and we're going to not grow. And, um, it's going to impact the culture of the school • • • in another way that this person impacts the school culture is just by • the negativity that impacts the teacher morale. And then that leads to some discontent and some discouragement and can even lead to some burnout. • • And so we want to make sure that this person is not negatively impacting our school culture. You work so hard to improve the school culture. Don't let, • • don't ignore that person that's negatively impacting it. And then I told you, you're not going to like number four. • •
Second grade teacher struggling with classroom management is the energy vampire
So here we go. • The fourth reason why we're not going to ignore • • the energy vampire • is because it's your responsibility to help this teacher grow. • • • • • • • Yikes. • So • • I want you to picture for a minute • • • • • • a second grade teacher. • • • It's their first year. • • • This person has a good attitude, works really hard, is coachable, • really wants to grow as a teacher. But this second grade teacher is struggling with classroom management. • • • • • So I want you to picture that person • • • and then I want you to think about how you would handle that. • • • • Okay? Second grade teacher, first year, good attitude, works hard, coachable, likable, but struggling with classroom management. • • • You're going to help that person. You're going to coach them up, you're going to support them. You're going to • • have a mentor teacher work with them. You're going to have them observe another teacher who is really good with classroom management. You're going to help that person grow. • • • • • • But what about when you think about that teacher? That's the energy vampire. • • • • My guess is if you're anything like me, • • first thing you're thinking of is avoidance. You're not thinking of how can I help this person grow? • And I get that. • • But the energy vampire, lots of negativity. • They have a fixed mindset, not a growth mindset. They're a problem pusher and not a problem solver. • • Right. They want to push these problems either onto you or onto others • instead of even having the first thought of trying to be part of the solution. • • And here's the thing that you're not going to like. You have just as much responsibility • • • • to help the energy vampire • • • grow as you do the second grade teacher with a good attitude. • • • • You have just as much responsibility to help the energy vampire grow as you do the second grade teacher with a good attitude. So I told you you weren't going to like it. But as leaders, we can't pick and choose who we're going to help grow. • • And I get it. When it's so much easier to help someone that's coachable and likable and works hard and is open to feedback and all those things. • • But we are responsible for helping them grow. And the good news is I'm going toa give you some strategies for ways that you can deal with this person that are protecting you, but also some ways that this person, • um, can, you can help them, um, grow a little bit. So the four • • • reasons, um, • • that we're not going to just ignore the energy vampire are number one, the emotional drain on you. Number two, the emotional drain on your team. • Number three, the impact on school culture, and number four, it's your responsibility to help this teacher grow.
Four strategies to effectively deal with the teacher that's an energy vampire
Okay, so then let's go on to • • • four strategies to effectively deal • with the teacher that's an energy vampire. So remember, we're talking about that person that just sucks the energy out of you and others. And it's just this kind of commonplace thing that happens regularly. • So the first strategy, number one, is to protect yourself. Okay, now I know that it sounds like I'm contradicting myself because I just said a moment ago that you're going to help this person grow, and you are, but you need to protect yourself so that you don't just let this person happen to you. • So I want you to hear that. • • Is this person just happening to you, • • • or do you have any strategies, any boundaries, any script, any, um, techniques, any little tricks that help to • protect you, • to reduce the amount of time that you're with that person, • • • • • or are you just letting them happen to you and you just figure you have to endure it? • • • • So here's a couple of ways you can protect yourself. So the first is boundaries to just even start thinking about where, when, and for how long. Where, when and for how long. In other words, where are you going to let this person talk to you? So • they come up and walk right up to you in the hallway • • • • and you know, • • are you just going to have that conversation right there? What about the when? You know, a lot of us, we're in the middle of something and • • we just kind of drop what we're doing and just kind of sigh quietly to ourselves and just let them start talking and for how long? You know, sometimes the answer is however long they want to talk. • • • But there's a few strategies that you can use to protect yourself and to have those boundaries. So for example, if the, if the person • • comes up to you, and it's what I call a little bit of a sneak attack, and it's not really a sneak attack, but it feels that way. You know, they just appear in your office doorway or they, you know, see you in the hallway, Hey, I need to talk to you. And they don't wait to hear the answer of. Or, you know, when you, uh, ask, they ask it, do you have a minute? They just start talking. • • And so you just need to • • stop them and say, you know what? I • have to be. I'm on my way to blah, blah, blah. If you're in the hallway, you're always on your way somewhere. Or if you're in your office, you can see, say, you know what? M. I'm right in the middle of something. But if you come back, I can talk to you from, you know, 4 to 4:15 or whatever the case might be. So I think there needs to start to be some pushback on the when, where and how long. • • And then another thing that you can do is • • when they walk into your office, the first thing you do is stand up. • • Um, um, • I'm going toa link this in the show notes that the Private school leader, • • episode 1 23. And that is there's an episode that I did like this one. • • • This one trick will save you an hour, a week or something like that. I don't really remember the title, but the tr. The stat. The uh, strategy was that when someone walks into your office, you immediately stand up. • • • U. Um, and so the idea there is, is that it doesn't invite them to sit down. • • • Um, and you just stay standing. And so try this. The next time you stand up, • • you look at your watch or your phone or the clock on the wall and you say, I'll tell you what, I have four minutes. • • Or you say, I have seven minutes. Okay? Don't ever say you have five minutes or 10 minutes. Don't, don't give round numbers that end in, that are divisible by, um, five. Okay. • • Um, • • it gets their attention. It's precise • • • and it's just a little bit of cognitive dissonance when someone says, I have four minutes or I have six minutes. • • And it also just • kind of subconsciously • • • it shines a light on the fact that this is a concrete, specific amount of time and that there is like a little bit of, uh, a countdown clock that's happening because if you.
One way to protect yourself from energy vampires is to start speaking in problem solving
All right, so, so I want you toision envision these two different scenarios. You're sitting at your desk. The teacher, that's the energy vampire, appears at your door. Hey, do you have a second? • • Um, and then they come in and they sit down and they start talking. That's Scenario A. All right? Scenario B. The person appears in your doorway. You stand up. • • Um, they say, hey, do you have a minute? You look at your watch or your phone or the clock on the wall and you say, • • u, uh, yeah, you know what? I have four minutes. • • • And you're standing there. Okay, which conversation is going to last • • longer? • The first one where everyone's sitting and there's no timetable on it, or the second one where both of you are standing and you've given specific number that's not divisible by five. I'm telling you from experience • that the first one is going to last way longer. All right? So just try it and um, see how it goes. The other thing is, is that, you know that energy vampires, this is all about, we're talking about, number one, protect yourself. You know that they're all about, • • um, complaining without a resolution. • • • So we are going. One way you can protect yourself is to start speaking in a solution oriented way or a problem solving kind of way. So for example, you know, you listen to what they're saying. You could be like, well, what steps • could you take to improve this? Or what's one thing that you could try to make that better? • • • And anything you can do to shift their mindset from problem to solution or from problem to, you know, solved • • is going to protect you because it's going to reduce. • • They see you now currently as the complaint department where they can just come and vent. They feel better because they transfer all of their anxiety and stress from themselves to you and then they leave and then you feel crappy. That's what happens. • • So we just have to make sure that that's not what we're doing. • • • • Okay, let's move on to strategy number two. • • • Strategy number two is to protect your team. So you've seen this happen. • • • The teacher, that's the energy vampire. They, you know, it's a staff meeting or it's a team meeting and you're in the library, you're in a classroom, you're in the cafeteria, whatever the case might be. And then that person speaks up and the body language changes • and that person just sucks the life out of the, out of the room. • • • And so in, in meetings, • • while in the real time, in that moment, it is awkward, • • but it is necessary • • for you to cut this person off. And I don't mean cut them off as soon as they open their mouth, but • • they're gonna get something out. • • • And I think that I'll speak from my own experience • • • in the past. I've just let this person • go on for Way too long • and I'MAKING um, • eye contact and I'm nodding and I'm trying to get a word in and I'm trying to stop them and whatever because it's like really awkward to just like, kind of talk over them. But • • • if you just have a little script, um, um, • • you know, • so they're, they're talking, blah, blah, and they get their first little thing out. But you know, this is going to go on for a while. And so you're just like, • • well, clearly you have concerns about this. Let's touch base after the meeting and because we really need to move on with the agenda. • •
Having an agenda elevates the importance of the team and the topic
For example, okay, now that's another reason it's important to have an agenda. • • Because if, here's the thing, if you just walk in there and your meetings • • are kind of a free for all and, and it's, • • you know, you've got a couple things that you want to talk about, but then you just kind of open it up to the, • • • • to the crowd, you know, um, um, • • then you're gonna get what you get. Um, um. • But if you have an agenda, • • u, um, • it's going to make a big difference. But here's the thing. If you do keep that person in check and that they're • participating proportionally, • okay, I think you understand what that means, proportionally participating in a meeting, • • um, your team's going to feel like you have, that you have their backs. • • And it also elevates the importance of the team and the topic. So for example, if you don't just let this person continue to suck the energy out of the room and blah, blah, blah, all right, Then it elevates the importance of the team because this one person isn't more important than the team that's in the room. And it elevates the importance of the topic. So let's say that you're talking about. • You need to change some procedures. • • • • Um, as the kids are lining up for the lunchroom, you know, as they're waiting for their food, it seems like there's a lot of pushing and shoving in the line and there's line cutting from the older students. And that's just an example. And that's something that you're talking about. Okay, what's the strategy? What are we going to do? Put another person in the hall, blah, blah, blah. What elevates the importance of the topic? If you don't just let the energy vampire go on and on and on and suck all of the attention and energy out of the room. So, um, you want to protect your team, okay. And then number three is that you're going to help them grow. And so this goes back to the one that I gave number four about why we're not going to ignore this person. We're going to help them grow. So what does that look like? Well, the big thing is, is that you need to try to help them move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. • • Because • • if they're complaining about everything, if they're venting about everything, • • if they are a problem pusher and not a problem solver, then they're not a collaborator. They're • really focused on themselves and they're very much focused on when they see a new thing, • • • they see the. It's sort of like • every, • • um, silver lining has a cloud kind of a person. Right. And so • • if you • • • can get them to shift to a growth mindset. And so I'll link it in the show notes. I'm not going to get into teaching about growth mindset and fixed mindset here. I'll link that in the show notes. But, you know, just the words that you use about. Well, we don't know how to do that yet. Um, • • • you know, and, • • you know, • just the active listening, of course, and the reflecting back to them. But really it is possible. I've done this before with some parents, I've done it before with some teachers where you can shift them more to a growth mindset from a fixed mindset. • • Um, another thing, • • • and I've mentioned it a couple times, the way you're going to help them grow is to get them shift from problem pushing to problem solving. They're not doing their job and they're not pulling their weight on the team if they're a problem pusher. • And so, • you know, instead of, uh, they don't want to focus on solutions and so they're not interested in fixing things. They just want to vent and they get stuck in this cycle and then they, and they feel better and then there's a new thing that comes up and then they vent about that and then they feel better and then they're just in this cycle. Well, who are the people that aren't feeling better in all of this? It's the people that are being vented to you, your and the teachers on your team. • • So you want to also help them grow • • • • by helping them consider how they communicate. • • • • And then there's going to be three parts to that. One is you're going to try and literally you're going to try and coach them up on this for them to pause, • • • • uh, show empathy and then to respond instead of react. • • And I'm going to say that again, you want to coach them up if, in the way that they communicate is to pause • to show empathy, and to respond instead of react. • • • • So those are some of the problems right there. They're not pausing. They're just immediately reacting and starting to open their mouth and blah, blah, blah, and complain in ven and whatever. Okay? • • They're lacking empathy because they're not seeing this through the lens of anybody else but themselves. How, huh, does this impact me? I'm upset. I'm going to let people know that. And then • • responding instead of reacting. • • • Responding implies that you've paused and you've thought about it for a second before. And react implies that it's just like, uh, a reflex. And it is. • So we're going to try to coach them a little bit in the way that they communicate with those three things. Pause, empathy, and then respond instead of react. •
Number four is know when to have the tough conversation with an energy vampire
And then that brings us to our fourth and final strategy on how we're going to • • • • effectively deal with the energy Vampire. And number four is know when to have the tough conversation. • • • • So there are going to be times when, despite all your efforts, all your • energy, all of your tricks and • tricks of the trade, that the things don't improve with this person, and they just continue to do what we've described earlier in the episode. • • • And so if this teacher just continues to drain your energy • and to drain your team's energy, • • it's time for a direct and constructive conversation. Okay? And here's the thing. This person might do a really good job in the classroom. Okay? That actually makes it more difficult because sometimes an energy vampire brings other things to the table. • • They might be a really good teacher, but they have this part of their personality that's, like, really problematic. • • And so • • it's your responsibility as the leader • • • • • to know when it's time to have that constructive but tough conversation. • • • And, you know, a couple of tips for when you decide to do that is to just be honest, • but to be empathetic, to be empathic and say, listen, I've noticed that you're feeling frustrated • • • and it's impacting your energy, but it's also impacting my energy. • And I think that it. And from my opinion, it's impacting the team's energy. So let's talk about how we can improve the situation moving forward. • • Or, you know, phrase it through the lens of. It seems like there's a pattern here that when something comes up where there's a change that's announced or when there's a little conflict with a parent or with a colleague that then your reaction is blank. Okay. And you're talking about the pattern. How can I help you get out of that pattern? • • • And then it's helpful to talk about what you see and not what others have told you. And I would really talk a lot about how this impacts you and what, what you are noticing. Let's not get into, well, you know, • • other teachers have said or, you know, they, or about the vibe in the room or whatever, like • • • • you notice it. But let's not bring others into this because then that person's going to get upset and then they're going to have even more difficulty communicating with their colleagues. So, um, you know, we're not going to do that. And then the last thing is, is that we're going to set clear expectations and then hold them accountable for their behavior. And that's really the key in great leadership when it comes to helping someone improve their • • some weakness is to be clear and then hold them accountable. • • And • if you can be clear on what you're after, you know, maybe it's about frequency, maybe it's about, um, duration, maybe it's about location, maybe it's about all three of those, • um, maybe it's about their body language and how they participate in a meeting. And then you're going to check in in a few weeks • and discuss it a little bit more.
Four reasons why we shouldn't ignore the teacher that's an energy vampire
Okay, so just to wrap it up, the four reasons why we shouldn't just ignore the teacher that's an energy vampire is R. Number one, the emotional drain on you. Number two, the emotional drain on your team. Number three, the impact on school culture. Number four, it's your responsibility to help this teacher grow. And then the four strategies to effectively deal with the teacher that's an energy vampire. • Number one, protect yourself. Number two, protect your team. Three is help them grow. And four is to know when to have the tough conversation. • And I like to end every episode with a call to action. And so I want you to pick one strategy and use it this week if you have • • • an, uh, energy vampire on your team. • • •
Five strategies to help you work with difficult parents on the Private School Leader podcast
So to wrap it up, I want to give you another free gift. And this one is called five strategies to help you work with difficult parents. • And we know that working with parents is part of the job and that most of our parents are great, but you know, some of them can be demanding and emotional and difficult. And so this guide is going to give you the tools you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. So you can grab that@the privatescchooly year.com parents. That's the five strategies to help you work with difficult parents@the • privateschooler.com parents. And then just one big favor I would ask of you is that if you could share the link to the podcast with another leader at your school • • or a leader in your life that you met at a conference, somebody that you know as a school leader, whether it's private school, public school, what have you, just share the link. And then also at, uh, your school, there are rising leaders, and the next generation of leaders are very likely the teachers in our schools. And so • who's that rising leader that could be inspired or informed by this content? So, um, if you would share the link with that rising leader and then also with another leader in your life, I would really, really appreciate it. And I'd also love to hear from you. And so if you want to drop me a line@, um, marko.minkusmail.um com and let me know, you know, what's a new strategy or any strategy that you've learned on the podcast, we're at episode 123. • Um, I'd love to hear from you and tell me what did you learn? What are you using? Or also tell me what's the pain point for you right now, because maybe that could be a future episode. So that's Mark Doo • • mincusmail.com. • and the show notes [email protected] episode 123. You can see you can connect with me on Instagram, the Private School Leader. And I just appreciate you so much. Um, I just want to say that you're doing great work at your school, and I know it's exhausting and sometimes frustrating, but I want to thank you for taking some of your precious time out of your week to join me here today. And I will see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 122: How To Navigate Complex Emotions When You Get The Parent Survey Results
15 feb· The Private School Leader Podcast
You have probably heard the saying, “No two days the same". This is an accurate description of your job as a private school leader. I used to say to my family, “I go to school to see what’s going to happen”.
While our days are very unpredictable, I have found that some days during the school year are actually very predictable. For example:
Best Day: The day of the 8th Grade vs. Faculty Basketball GameMost Rewarding Day: Graduation DayMost Discouraging Day: The day that I get the parent survey results……
I don’t know about you, but I ride a roller coaster of emotions when the parent survey results come out: anger, joy, disappointment, pride, embarrassment, confusion, Imposter Syndrome, happiness, sadness and more.
Receiving feedback is an important part of our jobs and it can help us grow as a school and grow as leaders. That said, parent feedback can be soul crushing when it does not align with how you think things are going at school.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast we are going to discuss How To Navigate Complex Emotions When You Get The Parent Survey Results.
Thank you for taking me along with you when you are walking the dog, driving to school or running errands. I appreciate you and what you are doing for the lucky kids and teachers at your school.
Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode122
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Menkis. • • • So I want to tell you about the most discouraging day of my school year • • • and over my career, especially over the last 10 or 12 years. I would say that it was pretty predictable as to which day of the year was going to be my most discouraging day. • • And I'll come back to that in a moment because, you know, my most stressful day, if we want to talk about that, you know, that kind of changes and it's situational and it usually involves a really upset parent. And then that parent, it's complex because • • • they're a teacher or they are a big donor or it's a board members kid. You know, that would be my most stressful day of the year. • • And then, well, what about my worst day of the year? Well, again, that's situational • • • • • because, • you know, it usually involves a tragedy or • • • just something, you know, terrible. The worst thing that happened that school year. And so that's unpredictable. What is predictable is my best day of the year, which is usually the day of the eighth grade versus faculty basketball game. • That is on a Friday afternoon and it concludes spirit week. • And you know, it's a lot of fun, a lot of school spirit, • • and if I had to say, my most rewarding day of the school year, that's easy. Our school, um, um, • • • • goes up to eighth grade. And so eighth grade graduation. And you get to see those kids • • • graduate. And you know, you had a front row seat for that transformation that took place. And for me, that's the most rewarding day. • • • But what about my most discouraging day? Why is that so predictable? • Well, my most discouraging day is the day that I get the results of the parent survey. • • • • • • And the reason for that is because, • • • • you know, you work so hard • • • only you know, the price that you pay • • • to be a private school leader. • • • And then, you know, you have to get feedback, but then you get that feedback • • and the numbers don't reflect • • • • what you think is the version of reality at your school. • • • • • And honestly, • • • • there were days when I would get the • • • • parent survey results and • • • I mean, at best • • I felt like I need to leave and go home • • or I don't think I'M coming in tomorrow. • • • • Um, um, • • you know, that's, that's at best, at worst, sometimes you just feel like, • • I'm not sure I'm cut out to do this. I'm not sure I want to do this anymore. • • • And it's so powerful. It's so discouraging, • • and it's so, • • • • • • it's just so big. The emotions are so big surrounding • • • • receiving the results of the parent survey. At least they have been for me • and certainly for a lot of my coaching clients when I talk to them. • • And so what are we going to do about this? Well, uh, on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to discuss how to navigate complex emotions • when you get the parent survey results. • • •
Parent Academy helps private school leaders build effective partnerships with parents
But before we do that, I have another question for you, • • • • and that is, • • • what is the name of the parent that's living rent free in your head right now? • • • • • • What is the name of the parent that's living rent free in your head • • right now? • • • • • Well, I've been there and I used to have parents living rent free in my head 247 when I was trying to fall asleep or when I'm at the dinner table with my family or trying to drive to work or trying to • • take a shower, just anything. And they're living rent free in my head. And I used to get, you know, super anxious and sick to my stomach just thinking about talking to certain parents • and parent issues used to dominate every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time • • and I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a plan and I, uh, had a lot of anxiety and a lot of fear and a lot of insecurity. • • • • • • • • Well, • • • maybe I'm also describing how you feel some of the time. • • • • Well, this is why I created Parent Academy, is because I used to feel this way. • • • • • • But I want you to have a plan. Because • • over 33 years as a private school leader, I • • worked with thousands of parents • • • • and • • I built Parent Academy to help you to have a plan and to have a framework, • • • a step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. And I really believe that with Parent Academy, • • • you can go from feeling anxious and stressed out about working with parents to feeling confident • and calm. • • • • • And that's what I want for you. I want you to feel confident and calm instead of anxious and stressed out. And I think you need a plan. And so I would like for you to go to the privatechooladeider.com • parentacademy • • and check it out. Um, in addition to, • • uh, four modules there for you, • • there are two plug and play PDs for your teachers. Because I know sometimes I've talked to private school leaders and they're like, yeah, this is all great that I know this, but I wish my teachers knew this. Well, now we can check that box because • • I've got two 45 minute webinars. • They would have guided notes with discussion questions. And, • • uh, • • this is something that could be a game changer for you and for your teacher. So like I said, Parent Academy, check it out over@the privatescooler.com • • parentacademy and also I just want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a free resource. • And this is called the six Things that Every Private School Teacher Want from Their Leader. • And this guide is a six page PDF that I think can be a real game changer for you. • • And I guarantee you that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. And so you can pick up your free guide, the six Things that Every Private School Teacher Wants from Their leader by just going to the privatescchoolleader.com guide. And that's free for you just as a thank you • • for listening to the podcast. • •
How to navigate complex emotions when you get the parent survey results
All right, • • so we're talking about how to navigate complex emotions when you get the parent survey results. • • • And I want to break this down into two parts. • The first one is I want to give you five reasons • why • • • • • receiving parent survey results causes complex emotions for you. Give you five reasons. • • And then I want to • • take the five stages of grief • • and apply them to you getting the parent survey results. And I know that that might sound a little • • dramatic, a little over the top, • • • but I want you to stick around because I'm going to show you that this isn't • • overly dramatic and it isn't over the top. And actually the five stages of grief • • • can be super helpful with regards to being a framework for you • • when it comes to you receiving • • the parent survey results and having a framework to navigate those really, really complex feelings. So first of all, why do we get big feelings • when we get the parent survey results? Well, number one reason, number one is fear of negative feedback. • • • • • So • I don't know about you, but I don't like getting negative feedback. • • • You know, even 33 years into a career of private school leadership. • • I mean, I • • have an ego and I have, • um, • • • • certain expectations • • • about my performance and also the results. • And • • when the feedback that I get about the job that I'm doing doesn't Match, • • um, what I think is happening, • • • • • it's hard. And, you know, when you send out that parent survey, • • • • • or for that matter, we'll talk about, when you send out a staff survey, a teacher survey, • • you don't know what you're going to get. And so there's a fear. • • • • And, you know, those survey results can reflect dissatisfaction. • The scores can go down, the parent satisfaction scores can go down. • • • And, you know, we fear criticism because it feels intensely personal. • • • • • That negative feedback feels intensely personal. • • • • And I think one of the reasons that it feels so personal is because, well, number one, it is personal. But number two, you work so hard and you sacrifice so much • • for the kids and your teachers and the parents and the board, • • • • • • and then • • you ask, how are we doing? • • • • • And you get the answers. • • • • • And, you know, maybe I'm talking to some leaders, that your parent survey results are great, and they're great every year, • and you look forward to getting that feedback. Um, um, • • • I mean, I guess there's been some years where I was pretty excited about the feedback because, you know, we improved in a lot of areas. • • • • But • • • it. • • • • It is difficult to overcome that fear of negative feedback. Okay, so that's reason number one. • • Reason number two, • • • • • that we have big emotions surrounding the parent survey results sometimes • • is because it's an overwhelming volume. Amount of information. It's an overwhelming amount of information. And so I was lucky enough that at my most recent school • • that there was someone on the, um, • • PR and marketing and communications team that it was, um, her responsibility to • take all of the data, the survey results, and to put them into a report. • • • Um, you know, and depending on • • • • • • • • • the quality of the tool that you use for the survey, • • • when you're gathering that information, sometimes • you have a very good • • process and you get a high participation rate, and it also does a lot of the work for you. • • But my point is, is that I was lucky enough • • for • • • • • • • about 10 years that I wasn't the one • • • tallying up all the numbers. • • • • But for about 20 years, I was that person. And so it's like a double whammy. It's not just that you're getting the feedback, • • but it's also that you have this • • overwhelming amount of feedback. And sometimes just the sheer volume of that can be paralyzing. You know, it's like • paralysis, • um, um, anal. It's analysis paralysis. • • And so, you know, let's say this, the size of your school, that you're getting • dozens or probably maybe even hundreds of responses, • • and just the task of, like, making sense of it all just feels really, really daunting. And overwhelming, what's actionable, what's just noise, what should I listen to, what should I tune out? And so reason number two • • • is the overwhelming amount of information. • • • • And the reason number three that we sometimes get emotional about parent survey results is because of the emotional disconnect. So let me explain what I mean by this. So surveys most often are anonymous. • • • And so I think that that's important to get honest feedback, • • but it also creates • some emotional detachment and for me at least it's created a lot of cognitive dissonance when it comes to • these nameless, faceless, shapeless • • • individuals that are giving me feedback • • rather than the warm • • community that I've poured myself into • and bent over backwards and had really difficult meetings and did all the hard things • • and serve, serve, serve. • • • • • • When we serve and lead, • • we're serving and leading human beings. • • But when we get the survey results, we're getting numbers • • and we're getting some open ended comments and we don't know who they're from. And so what we do is emotional work and we are in that lane a lot. • • • • • • But then all of a sudden • • the judgment, the feedback, • • • • • um, the survey results, • • • • • there can be a disconnect or a cognitive dissonance • • • • • because it's anonymous. You don't know who is feeling this way, who's giving this feedback. So, • • um, that's reason number three. And then reason number four, and I think this is one of the strongest • • reason number four, why we sometimes have • big emotions surrounding the parent survey results is negativity bias. So you know that that's, that negativity bias is a cognitive bias that causes us to • • process negative information more than positive information • • and that we are more likely to notice and remember • negative events and insults, then we are compliments or happy memories are good things. Okay, • so • • • if I asked you to stop and think about something really awesome that happened to you when you were in middle school • • • or I asked you to stop and tell me, uh, stop and think and tell me something embarrassing or really, really awful that happened in middle school. • • Most people, it's going to be very, very easy to remember the negative thing and it's going to take a while to try and drill down into those memories and remember what was the really awesome positive thing that happened in middle school. • • • • And so an example of this, and I've mentioned this before on the podcast, I remember • • um, um, • • probably about five years ago or so. U, um, • • • maybe a few more years than that. But anyways it was parent conference, parent teacher conferences, and it was a Thursday evening and A Friday morning, • • and then Friday at noon, uh, uh, the teachers were done. So, you know, so let's say it was Thursday from like 4 o clock to 7:30, and then Friday morning from like 8 oock to noon. • • • And I didn't know about this. I was trying to check in with all the teachers, but one of my middle school math teachers, • over the course of those, you know, whatever I just named eight hours or so, you know, if you have 15 minute, 10 or 15 minute, um, conferences, you can have a lot of conferences. And I want to say that she had like 41 different parents that she met with during that time. • • • And I was talking to her on Monday morning and I could tell she was kind of down in the dumps. And, and she's like. And so I asked her what was wrong and she named the parent and said, we had a really bad, • um, you know, • um, conference and just, you know, was just kind of going after me and didn't appreciate this or that and didn't agree with me on this and making a lot of excuses for the kids and just really being critical of my teaching style, so on and so forth. Okay. And I said, well, how many did you have all together? And we looked and I think it was 41. • • • And so my point is this. • • • She had 40 • parent conferences that actually went really, really well and had one that didn't. • • And she literally spent the whole weekend thinking about it and having a difficult time sleeping because of that one, • • • that one conference. And so that negativity bias is so strong. And so that's hard for us when we're looking at parent survey results, to not focus on just the negative, or, excuse me, to not focus on a balanced approach, even if there are positive comments. But we overemphasize the negative feedback • because of negativity bias. And then the fifth reason • • why sometimes we have big emotions around receiving parent survey results is the concern about how others will perceive the results. And for me, this is a big one because there's all this pressure about how, how's the board going to take these numbers, how will the staff take these numbers when I have to share them with the staff? • • Um, you know, the teachers pour themselves into these kids too, and they're going to feel a certain way if the numbers have dropped. • Um, you know, the parent satisfaction numbers or specific numbers about you, the teachers and whatnot. And so, you know, there's probably worry or concern about how these results are going to reflect on you as a leader and the school's reputation. And then I don't know about you. But then it's easy to catastrophize and just be like, okay, well man, am I going to lose my job? Or this is really going to hurt retention? And then that's going to hurt the budget and so on and so forth. • • • And you know, it's super valid just having concerns about how other people are going to perceive the results, especially people who aren't in the school every single day, like the board. • • • So those are the five reasons why we sometimes deal with big emotions around the parent survey results.
The five stages of grief apply to parent survey results
And now I want to walk you through • • • the five stages of grief, • • how they apply to parent survey results, and how this can actually be a helpful framework for you to kind of keep those emotions in check. • • So we've all learned about the five stages of grief. • • Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. • • And I really don't think I'm being overly dramatic to • • • say that we can apply the five stages of grief to parent survey results. Because here's the thing, • • • you know, I did an episode • • a while back as far as like, how to lead while you're dealing with grief • and kind of shared my experience of how I had three sisters pass away in three consecutive years. • • And so • • I think that sometimes we think that the five stages of grief is only reserved for when someone dies. • • • But the, the definition of grief is emotional response to a significant loss. • • • • • Now it's mostly and most often applied to • • • grief over a love, loved one or a friend that's lost, that is, passes away. But it's loss. And so that could be a major life change. It could be • becoming empty nesters, • um, it could be, • • ah, a career change or a big dream that you had. And now that's not going to happen. So • • • loss, an emotional response to a significant loss. And so let's face it, receiving these survey results sometimes can feel like a loss of control. It can feel like • • • • • you thought the school was going in this direction and then you're just all over the place because you're like, wait a second, this does not match up with what I thought was going on in front of my eyes this, this year. But just that idea of • • • • • • what you thought it was going to be, what you thought it was, and all the hard work you put in to earn • where you are in the school year. And then if the survey results don't match that, and especially if they really don't match that, • • • • • • • • • I think we, I think we feel some grief, we feel loss. • • And so let's talk about it.
Grief is worse when it's an internal survey of teachers and staff
So first of all, • • • um, well, and one Last thing on this. Two things real quick here. So I've noticed that for me, these feelings are a lot worse • • • when • • it's a survey of my teachers and my staff about how I'm doing. You know, of course they're asking other questions, but when it's an internal survey, I mean, it's hard enough when you get the feedback from the parents and there's a question on there about bullying, and you have pulled out all the stops and you really thought that things were in better shape, and then the number goes down as far as their satisfaction. • • • Um, but I've found that it's even worse when it's. You're asking the teachers. • • And this was especially true the year after Covid. I know for myself and our, um, head of lower school, you know, and again, teachers were really compromised, and we were all going through a traumatic experience. But, you know, we did so much. And then I remember the numbers were pretty low as far as, like, do you feel supported by your division head? And that was really hard. Um, but the second thing, and the last thing on this before we just go through them quickly is • • • give yourself the permission to go through the five stages. • • • • • You know, this grief is not only reserved for • when someone passes away, • it can be applied to other feelings of loss as well. All right, so give yourself the permission to go through the five stages of grief.
Stage one is denial. Denial is a defense mechanism that help protect from pain
All right? Stage one, denial. So you get the survey results, and • • I don't know about you, but I'm just like, oh, this can't be right. These numbers have to be wrong. These, these results, these numbers, they don't reflect • • • the reality. • Um, • • I'm just, this is. This is crazy. And then you start digging in and you're like, oh, well, only this certain percentage of parents responded. And, well, • • • of course people who are happy aren't going to respond to the survey. Only the parents who are upset. And, you know, and if only the parents who are upset respond, then the numbers are going to be skewed. And, you know, this doesn't reflect reality. And so on and so on and so on. Okay, we're in denial. • • • And when that happens, we might just dismiss the feedback out of hand, dismiss it out of hand, or even just feel • • • • • the urge to ignore parts of it. • • And here's the thing. Denial is a defense mechanism • that • help us protect us from pain. Know our brain is trying to protect us from pain, and it helps us. • Denial helps us avoid uncomfortable truths. • • • • You know, we have denial on parts of our life if our relationship isn't going well with, uh, • um, • • our spouse or partner or if there's something going on with our finances that we're in denial about, • • • • • we stay in denial. We can avoid the uncomfortable truth. And so denial sometimes is a pretty, is a much more comfortable place to be than to deal with the thing. Most of the time that's true. • • • But as leaders, • • • • we have to • • • • move past this denial stage. • And so again, I think it's important to go through it, to sit with it, to experience those emotions and to just be in denial for a little while. You know, it's like back when I did that episode on the August Apology. When you have someone two days before the first day of school that resigns and takes a job in the public school. I told you, have a pity party first, like get it out of your system. So I think denial is okay. I think denial is a good thing. So • • • it's natural. Um, but we don't want to let it hold us back. So • a couple of pieces of practical advice. • You know, just, just um, um, sit in it for a bit. You know, uh, go into denial. • Um, um, but give yourself permission that you're gonna be in denial for a little bit, but then you're going toa face this feedback. • • U, um, and then don't, don't just try and • • • • um, address all the feedback. Just pick like one area and take like one small step • towards processing it. And I'm not even saying responding to it or building a plan. I'm just like processing your emotions about that feedback. • • • And sometimes the most important step is to just take the time to read through all the results • carefully rather than just rushing to the open ended comments • and to just carefully read through them • and to just kind of like • • let those emotions happen. So u, um, it's certainly been true for me. Maybe this is resonating with you. Stage one is denial. All right, then stage two of the five stages of grief is anger. • So once I get through my denial about, well, these numbers can't be right and it was only the upset parents that responded, then I get angry about it • • • • • and I get upset when I see that negative feedback. And I think to myself, • • they have no idea how hard I'm working. • • • • And I think • this is unfair and I think no good deed goes unpunished. And I think what is the point? • • • • And you know, anger is a powerful emotion, • • but can also cloud our judgment and completely slam the brakes on any progress for our school. But we have to get past the denial and past the anger if we're going to do something with the survey results. But it's normal for us to feel these emotions. I say this all the time to my coaching clients. • What we do is emotional work. And being high in emotional intelligence is a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing most of the time. • • But then when it comes to us, you know, and we're • m empathic and we are, you know, high in emotional intelligence, well then of course we're going to feel things in a big way. • • • • You know, if we're completely like a robot and unfeeling, • • • • I mean, maybe that helps us out when we get the survey results, but that's certainly not going to help us out on day to day basis doing our job. And so • • • it's the other side of that coin of being high in emotional intelligence. • • And so just a couple of pieces of advice. Um, when we're in that anger, you know, it's okay to have that feeling, it's normal, but then try to become an observer of the situation. That's helped me a lot where I try to be an observer of the situation instead of a participant, instead of just • • • having my, uh, • emotions run wild. And you know, I think sometimes about my emotions and that amygdala hijack and I think about, well, who's driving the bus? • • Am I driving the bus or am I sitting in the eighth row and my emotions are driving the bus? And there are going to be different times, especially • the day you get them and the day after you get the parent survey results, perhaps that emotions are going to be driving the bus. But we need to keep moving our way • • up the aisle from row eight to row six to row two, back to the driver's seat and drive the bus. Okay. One of the ways we can do that is regulating your autonomic nervous system. Um, • • • • I'll link that in the show notes at the Private school leader, • • • • episode 122. • • Um, the episode I did on that and gave some tools about regulating your autonomic nervous system. • • • Um, try as much as you can to view things through the lens that this is data • • • and that data is not a personal attack. These are answers to questions. • And of course people might have an agenda or whatever, all the things that we could say during the denial stage. • • But • • • • feedback is data • • • and these are numbers on a page, these are numbers on a screen. Okay, that's helpful sometimes. And then • • • talk to somebody that you con ve to, you know, whether that's your spouse or another colleague. • • Um, and then once you get through sometimes I've found that it's helpful to kind of go through A couple of these stages with someone else, • um, and then, you know, start getting constructive about it. • • Okay?
Stage three is bargaining. So we go from denial to anger to bargaining
And then stage three is bargaining. So we go from denial to anger to bargaining. And with bargaining we might be like, well, if I could just fix this one area, maybe I could make the parents happy again. And, and if I improve this, then maybe they'll overlook everything else because this thing over here is really shiny. And they seem to be upset about that when really my priorities are the curriculum and their priorities are the, you know, the new basketball uniforms, like, you know, that kind of stuff. • And we just think, well, if I could just, or if I could just blank, or if I could just, you know, that's, that's bargaining. • • And so I think that in that phase at least I'll speak for myself. That sometimes I jump too quick into trying to make changes • • • • before I fully understand the root causes. • • • • Because let's face it, the feedback that we get, • • • • there are root causes for that feedback, and we may never know them. But we owe it to our school and quite frankly, we owe it to ourselves • • to not make a bunch of empty promises or knee jerk reactions or jump into changing stuff and let the tail wag the dog. • • • The tail being the parent survey results and the dog being the entire school organization. • • • • • • And • • again, to just recognize where we are • and to not do anything hasty. Okay? And so that's my first piece of advice when we talk about stage three. Bargaining is, is that don't rush into quick fixes. Just take a step back • • and ask, you know, what are some themes? What are the patterns in the feedback? • • Um, you know, and then just focus, try to focus on • • • big, • not big changes, but sustainable changes. I'm a big believer in • • small changes that are sustainable multiplied by time, • rather than big changes that tend to kind of fall apart. • • So think about it as a system or a classroom procedure that's repeated over and over and over again versus like a New Year's resolution or quitting smoking cold turkey. You know how those usually go. Okay. And so when it comes to the parent survey, let's focus on, um, what can we do • • • that's going to be a change, • • • a sustainable change that can make a real impact over time • • and not try to please everybody all at once. Because that's what happens with bargaining is we're trying to please • • everybody immediately. Okay? We're focused on the long term benefit and what's sustainable.
Stage four of depression is discouragement after receiving parent survey results
And then we get to stage four, which is depression. And I want to tweak that and say discouragement. • • Um, I told you at the top of the episode that this is one of the most discouraging days of my school year, at least it has been in several of the years when I get the parent survey results. And so • • I'm very careful about that word depression, um, because depression and anxiety are real things. • • Their chronic, um, conditions, their medical conditions, • • um, and so I'm not saying that you won't get depressed from the parent survey results, but I think it's more likely that the D maybe could stand for discouragement, you know, and maybe intense discouragement. But at this stage you're just going to feel defeated. • • You might feel like, well, I'm just not cut out for this. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm never going toa make people happy, uh, you know, again. No good deed goes unpunished. I've been working so hard and I've been trying and this is so, so, so freaking discouraging. It feels overwhelming. And just the weight of that feedback feels overwhelming and intensely discouraging. • • • • And so there you sit, you know, you're in that low, low, low spot. You've gone through the denial, you've gone through the anger, you've gone through the bargaining and now you're just sitting in that discouragement and overwhelm. • • What the heck do you do now? Well, • • a couple things. • • • • • • • • • • • I think self compassion is super important right now and I know that that's the least likely thing that we are to do. • • But I want you to think about, • • let's say it's a second grade teacher • • and let's say she is in her first year of teaching, • • but very eager, very coachable, • • • • very good attitude, hard worker. • Um, and, but she's struggling with classroom management partway through the year. Okay, • • • and you're going to pull that teacher in and you're going to talk to her and try and help her and coach her up and support her with the classroom management. • I want you to think about how you're going to talk to her. You know, the tone of voice and • the style, the way, you know, the body language, all of those kinds of things. • • And then I want to ask you if that's the way you're going to talk to yourself the day that you get the parent survey results. • • • • • • • • • • • Something tells me, • • • • • and I'll speak from experience, we're going to be way harder on ourself than we are on that novice teacher who needs support. • • We're not perfect. We're not robots. • • • • Even robots and computer programs make mistakes. Uh, • • so we have to, • • uh, remember that. And one Way to remember that. And I'm really, really, really going toa emphasize this and it will be mentioned again in your action Call to action. • • • I'm going to link episode 37 in the show notes how an annual portfolio will make you a happier and better compensated leader. I just really think that the positive comments Google Doc that you start, • • that I've talked about many times before, this is the time when you pull it out. This is the thing that's gotten me out of the intense discouragement is not just going back and reading the positive • • comments Google Doc from this current school year, but multiple years and be like, • okay, here's evidence because we are stuck when we're in this discouragement spiral we are stuck in • • • if we ask that question, is this a factor of feeling? • • • Okay, it's hard because these quote unquote facts, this feedback is staring us in the face. • • But we got to get past the emotion to get into what are the facts, • • what is the takeaway from this. But we can't get through those feelings • • • if we feel • • complete self loathing • • and that we're an imposter and that we're completely incompetent at our jobs. And so that's why it's super important to pull out, • pull up that, um, • • • • • positive comments Google Docker if you have it on a piece of papers, to pull out that file and to read it and read it and read it and read it • • because you do know what you're doing. • • • • And then lastly is to just remind yourself that feedback is a tool • • • for growth and not a judgment of your worth. Let me say that one more time. Feedback is a tool for growth and not a judgment of your worth. • And boy, don't we • • manage to link • feedback results to our value as a human being and as a leader. • • And that's not healthy. • • • I did that for years and it got me in a really bad place. • • • And so, you know, and then lastly is to, you know, again, we need support. So • whether that's a mentor or a trusted colleague or friend or spouse or partner, • • um, • • to just kind of talk through some things with getting past this.
Stage one is accepting the feedback; stage two is action planning
And then that brings us to stage five, which is acceptance. • • • • And as we know, we, this is about coming to terms with the reality of the survey results, with the reality of the situation. And you know, I didn't like everything I read, you didn't like everything that you read. But you're ready to, I'm ready to put on my big boy pants and to deal with it and to use it to improve because the kids are worth it. And this is the thing that helps me move past it is I start focusing on kids. • • They didn't choose their parents. • • They didn't choose how loud their parents get or how nasty they can get. These kids are in our school. • • • • • • The m kids need us. The kids are worth it. • • And if we take this feedback • • and we accept it and we study it and we decide rationally what are the steps that need to be done, • • • then the kids are going to benefit. • • • • And remember that feedback • is an ongoing process and not a one time event. • • And I know, boy, does it feel like a one time event. It feels like a judge just slammed the gavel down on the • um, • • the thing and up on the bench and said guilty. You know, guilty is charged. • • • • • • • It feels like a judgment. It feels like a one time event, a moment in time. But feedback is an ongoing process. And so some of those things will help move us off of • that, • • • those emotions and get us into that acceptance which then moves us to action. And you know, leaders have a bias towards action. Private school leaders in particular have a bias towards action. And so once we've digested, • • • then we're going to create an action plan. Of course we have to share the survey results with the staff and the back with the parents and what we're going to do to address it. And we're going to be transparent and we're going to use integrity. We're not going to, you know, only share the good numbers or even cook the books on the numbers. • Um, there's a temptation to do that, but there's nothing worth sacrificing your integrity. • • • And that this is just a challenge and an opportunity to move your school in the positive direction. And that's why we're there. That's why we've been entrusted as a leader of our school or of our division. • • And so we have to take that responsibility and move forward. • • • • Is any of this easy? No, I already told you, this is one of the most discouraging days of the year for me. But if we can understand it, • • maybe we can be a little more effective when we're dealing with it.
Five reasons why we sometimes get emotional when we get parent survey results
And so the big takeaways from today's episode, • the five reasons why we sometimes get emotional when we get the parent survey results. Number one, fear of negative feedback. Number two, overwhelming amount of information. Number three, an emotional disconnect. Number four, negativity bias. And number five is fear about sharing the results. • • And then • • • we want to allow ourselves to go through • • • the stages of grief. And by the way, they don't always go in this order. You know, they could be out of order and maybe you only go through three of them. But I think it's a helpful framework. And of course that's denial, anger, bargaining, • depression. And I substituted the word discouragement for depression and then acceptance. • • • And so for your call to action, I have one for now and one for later. • Um, • now is to start a positive comments, Google Doc if you haven't done so already. • And later is when you actually get the results of the parent survey is • allow yourself to go through the stages of grief • and refer back to this episode, refer back to • • the show notes and um, • hopefully • • navigate this • • with, • • • with emotion. Okay, we're not trying to be emotionless, • • but we're trying to be intentional and just uh, move through these stages instead of getting stuck • in anger or denial or bargaining or discouragement for that matter. We want to get to acceptance and then action. • •
Parent Academy is an online digital course that teaches you how to better navigate parents
So • • • I want to wrap it up by just reminding you one more time about Parent Academy • • as an online digital course for you. It's a step by step framework • • for building effective partnerships with the parents at your school and reducing your stress and your anxiety. • • And as I said at the top, • • • it also comes with two 45 minute plug and play PD's webinar trainings for your teachers. They get a 27 page printable notebook with guided notes and discussion questions and other resources. • • And you get a four module course that teaches you how to better navigate the situations with parents. • But then you also get two webinars that are going to train your teachers that you could use on a PD day or you could even use with individual teachers that are struggling in this area or in the future for new teachers, um, as part of their onboarding. And you can check all that out over@the privatescchoolader.com • • parent academy. • And then I want to give you another free gift. Um, this one's called how to use Verbal Judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. • And this is a nine page PDF that takes the idea of verbal Judo • • and applies it to • • • working with parents. And Verbal Judo is a, ah, communication strategy that uses words to deesscalate conflict and resolve disputes. • • • And um, George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Jud the General Art of Persuasion. And George Thompson has trained over 200,000 law enforcement officers in the United States in the art of Verbal judo. And so I took the high lights from that book and then applied it to your role as a private school leader. So that's just a free PDF for you. • • Check it out at the privatescchooly year.com judo • • um, and that's how to use verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. • • And you know, just again, a reminder, the privateschoolia.com Episode 122 is where you'll find the show notes for today. • •
Mark Minkus: Think about a rising leader at your school
Um, • • and I just would really appreciate it if you • • ever get value from this podcast, if you have been helped, if you've ever picked up a strategy, if it's ever been a source of encouragement for you, if you would just take the time • • today and think of a leader that you know, a leader in your life, • • school leader, • maybe someone you met at a conference • • • and just email them the link for the podcast and then think about a rising leader at your school. • • I, um, think you have a good eye for • • that person that's a rising leader, a rising star. • • Send them the link to the podcast and let them start to consume the content and learn and grow and be encouraged and maybe be inspired. So I really appreciate it if you would do that. And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I want to say how much I appreciate you and all the amazing hard work you're doing at your school. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 121: 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Your Own Instagram Account At School
8 feb· The Private School Leader Podcast
I want to tell you something about myself. I am not a fan of social media.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I can definitely zone out while scrolling through reels on Instagram.
The algorithm will always keep sending me videos of dachshunds, basketball highlights, drone shots of the boardwalk in Ocean City, NJ and clips of my favorite stand up comedians: Nate Bargatze, Sebastian Maniscalco and Jim Gaffigan.
I’m just not a fan of how social media makes people feel. A lot of comparison is happening when we see others taking that cool vacation, wearing that new outfit, driving that new car, or posting pics of their latest trendy home decor.
Also, everyone is mad about something and the comments section is to be avoided like the plague
So, if I don’t like social media, why am I doing an episode about why you should start a school Instagram account if you don’t already have one?
Well, I will admit that I have my work cut out for me today. But, I feel strongly that this is something really, really important for you to do as a school leader. On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I am going to give you 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Your Own Instagram Account At School.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode121
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So I want to tell you something about myself that you may not know. • • • • And if you've been listening to the podcast for any length of time, and shout out to, uh, those of you that have been listening since the beginning over two years ago, thank you so much. • But, you know, I've talked about myself a little bit and, you know that I have three daughters and that I've been married to my wonderful wife for 34 years and just, you know, love college football and Coke Zero and Thanksgiving dinner and, you know, a couple other things that you might have heard along the way. But something about myself that you may not know is that I am not a fan of social media. • • Not a fan of social media. And now listen, don't get me wrong, I can, I can zone out • while looking at reels on Instagram. And, you know, the algorithm always keeps • • sending me, you know, videos of dash hounds and basketball highlights and drone shots of the boardwalk in Ocean City, New Jersey. And, • and especially my favorite would be, you know, clips of my favorite stand up comedians, which, by the way, are Nate Bargatze, Sebastian Maniscalco and Jim Gaffigan. Um, if you never check their stuff out, highly recommended. But, • uh, you know, my algorithm always wins. It sends me some great stuff. So I'm not, you know, I'm not opposed to zoning out on Instagram, but I'm just not a fan of how • • social media makes people feel. You know, there's a lot of comparison out there that's happening. • You see someone that's got, um, you know, a new car or on a vacation or a new outfit or even at a cool restaurant. And, • • uh, I've even heard of comparison when it comes to home decor and how that makes some people feel bad. • And then on top of that, even worse is, is that everybody's mad about something. You know, the comment section is to be avoided like the plague because • • everyone's going to be, you know, yelling in capital letters and exclamation points. And you get enough of that, • • your subject line when you get an email from a parent. • • • So if I don't like social media, then why am I doing an episode about why you should start • a school Instagram account • if you don't already have one. Well, • • I'll admit I have my work cut out for me today. And I do feel really strongly that this is something really, really important for you to do as a school leader. And I just need you to trust me and settle in and listen. Because on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. • •
With Parent Academy, you'll go from feeling anxious and stressed to feeling confident
But before we do that, I want to remind you that I've been where you are • • and you're like, well, okay, specifically where, well, • • where is • • • having a parent living rent free in my head when I'm trying to fall asleep • or when I'm at the dinner table or at church or driving to work or taking a shower. And I just, • • I'm consumed with anxious thoughts, • sick to my stomach just thinking about certain parents. I've been there • and, you know, parent issues • used to dominate every single aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a plan, but I had plenty of anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • But that's why I created Parent Academy, • • because I want you to have a plan. • • • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed out about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • Want to hit you with that again. With Parent Academy, you'll go from feeling anxious and stressed • • to feeling confident and calm when you're working with parents. • • • And it's an online digital course where I've taken my 33 years of experience of working with thousands of parents and put together a step by step framework for you to build those effective partnerships and reduce your stress. • • And then I teach your teachers • • • in two 45 minute webinars • how to build effective relationships with teachers. So I'd love for you to find out more. And you can go to the privateooladerleader.com • • /parentacademy • • and I like to give you free things. Uh, everyone loves free things, especially if they're helpful to you as a private school leader because your job is hard enough. • And I want to give you a free resource called the Top 6 Ways to Protect your school from a lawsuit. • • This is a 10 page PDF • that can help you keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and it's really, really stressful. • • And this common sense guide can help you be More intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. So you can grab this at the privateschooladerleader.com Ah, lawsuit again. That's a free guide for you called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. And that's over at uh, the privatescoolalider.com • • lawsuit. And then one last thing is, is that I do have a couple of coaching spots open right now and I would love to hear more about • you and your school and your biggest problem and want to work with you to help you solve the biggest problem that you're dealing with right now at school. • And so you can check out more about working with me one on one over at the privatescgaleer.com coaching. I'd love to work with you one on one. •
I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start an Instagram account
All right, so before I give you the three reasons • • • • why I think you should start an Instagram account, a school Instagram account for you as the school leader, I want to just tell you quickly about how I use social media. So I started posting to Twitter back in 2012 • • and then I migrated to Instagram and did Instagram and Twitter Starting around 2018 I guess. • And um, • kind um, • of got away from Twitter, but um, um, you know, posted on Instagram, um, um, for starting in 2018, 2019. • But my relationship with social media is a one way relationship. • And if I'm going to recommend you to give you three reasons why you should have an Instagram account, • • I want to make sure that you understand that I'm not talking about • • • you • doing things. That's a two way street. • • I really strongly believe that it needs to be a one way relationship. And what I mean by that is is that my relationship with Instagram is that I post, • • period. • • • Okay. I don't look and see who liked it or how many likes I got or I don't, you know, care about. I don't really follow people or care about following people. I guess at the beginning when I started my account I followed some people. But um, um, • you know, it's a one way relationship. This is me putting something out there. Photos. And we'll get into the what in a few moments. But • • the, • • the KE here for me so that this doesn't become, • • • • uh, a way. I don't want you to use Instagram in a way that is going to suck you in. • • I want you to use Instagram in a way that is going to • • be a positive for you and for your school and for your reputation and your brand and retention and all the other things we're going to talk about in a moment. • • But in my experience, the best way to do that is for it to be a one way relationship. So I'm going to give you three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. And then I'm going to give you a couple of do's and don'ts at the end of the episode. And then finally I'm going to tell you, you know, what my school Instagram account is so you can check it out and just get some ideas • about, you know, what I've been talking about here on this episode.
Having your school Instagram account is good for business and student retention
So let's get into it. The three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. • Reason number one, • it's good for business. • • • Okay, so what do I mean that it's good for business? Again, I'm talking about • having your own personal Instagram account, a school Instagram account, not your private Instagram account. But this is where you're posting • • things that are happening at your school. Things that you see when you're walking around the school, um, um, things at events, things in the hallway, things at the basketball game, things that are going on that are cool when you're walking around and you see pop into classrooms and all these different things and you're just putting that out there and I'll talk about suggestions on how often and you know, all the different things later on. Just don't worry about that right now. Just think about the reasons why this is good. And so reason number one is it's good for business. So • um, I'm going toa give you um, a few ways here, actually four quick ways that it's good for business. • • So having your school Instagram account • • is good for student retention. • And I believe that a key to student retention, uh, is photos of happy kids doing interesting things. • And I'm just going to say it again. I think that our messaging, • • a lot of it boils down to • • • photos of happy kids doing interesting things • • and getting that • into the eyes and the brains of the parents and the grandparents and the donors and the alumni • • • as often as possible. And you know, we'll talk in another episode about what that could look like on your website or in a weekly parent memo or things of that nature. But right now we're talking about your school Instagram account, your personal school Instagram account. • And so • • • • happy kids doing interesting things helps to fill the narrative void and that increases student retention. Because • • especially kids when they become tweens and teens there's a narrative void because when they come home the parents are like well, what'd you do at school today? Nothing. Did you learn anything? No. Did you do anything fun today? Uh, no. And so then day after day after day of that at the dinner table or from the back seat of the car, creates a narrative void. And one of the things that helps to offset that is when the parents are actually seeing photos. These photos are so powerful, • • and the parents are paying a lot of money for this service that we're providing. They want their kids to be happy, and they generally believe that. But this really, really helps with student retention. They need the constant reminders. They, they enjoy that surprise and delight when they see a child, their child, um, doing something interesting, or even a kid that they know from their kid class, or it doesn't even have to be a kid that they know. It just gives them this, this, um. Think about it this way. It is just a constant. • • • Let's say that you're building. You're building a brick, a house made out of bricks, okay? And you're building this beautiful mansion out made out of bricks. • • • Um, if you put one brick or two bricks a day on that, • um, wall, that is the one wall in the mansion, okay, it's going to take a while, it's going to take time, but you're making progress every day. And it's constant. And it's small, but it's constant. And then eventually you're gonna have this beautiful home. • • • You know, I want you to think about it as these little bits of these little bricks, these little things that you're building. You're building a narrative with the parents that our school is fun, the kids are happy, they're doing interesting things, and it's worth it. And when that's what the parents believe, student retention is going to be high. • • So it's good for business because it's also good for teacher retention • • • because if you're out and about, and I'll talk later about, you know, how having your, • • • • • um, Instagram account at school will help you be out and about in the school more often. It'll get you out of your office more, • • • • that you're popping into teachers classrooms, • • and that helps them feel supported, helps them feel seen. And when I'm posting something about, you know, their. They're doing this experiment in science, or they're debating this topic in social studies, or they're reading about this specific, • • • um, author or a poem or this artist in art class, whatever it might be. • • Um, you know, • • several of my teachers follow • • my Instagram, and so if I'm posting stuff that they're doing. Don't you think that that makes them feel supported and feel seen? And it does. And it helps with teacher attention, helps with school culture too. • Another way that it's good for business is with recruitment. • You know, your Instagram is public facing for not just current families, but for prospective families as well. • And you know, they can get a sense of you as a leader. • Are you competent, are you passionate, are you fun, are you warm? You know, and you're like, well, how does that come through? It does, you know, eventually with just the photos that you post and • • • the captions, • • um, • it gives you vibe, it gives, • • you know, it kind of your brand. • Um, and it doesn't have to be complicated. You're not a social media influencer and I'm not trying to turn you into one. I just want it to be that you're out of your office, that you're using this amazing camera that you carry around all day long in your smartphone and that there's a way for you to put out into the world • • what you're seeing. • Because it's super frustrating as a leader when your school feels like the best kept secret in the world and you're keeping the secret from the parents. • • So, um, it's not just about current families, it's not just about teachers, but it's about, you know, potential recruitments, prospective families. And you know, some of your pictures are going toa end up on the website or on the Facebook page for the school or in the parent memo because • • they're going to be good pictures. They're going to be interesting, happy kids doing interesting things. And a lot of my stuff has ended up in a lot of other places in the school. So it's good for recruitment. And then finally the way it's good for businesses is that it's good for fundraising. Because here's the thing, over the years • • that I've been posting, you know, our school goes up to eighth grade and a lot of kids, • • uh, who get to be into middle school, they'll follow me • • and their parents will follow me. And I'll talk later about how once you have this Instagram account, how do parents find out about it? Because, you know, you're sitting there thinking, well, yeah, I hear Mark saying about posting these photos, but like, how do the parents even know so that they can follow me? I'll give, I'll give you that in a little bit. • But my point is that when kids graduate from our school at eighth grade, • • they don't unfollow me. The parents don't Unfollow me. So now these are alumni and alumni parents who I've been posting for a long time, even though our school only goes up to eighth grade. You know, a lot of these kids, they've graduated from, um college. Many of them graduated from high school. Their parents, • • you know, these are now alumni, alumni, parents, • • • and that's where your donors are. And so • • what are we always trying to do? We're trying to keep that connection. What is your college trying to do, for crying out loud? I graduated from • • • Penn uh • State University • • • in 1990, • • • um, • • • • 35 years ago. And I'm still. I still get emails from them about the alumni association. Okay, My point is this. You're trying to get, • • • • • um, parents, uh, graduates, alumni parents, grandparents. You're trying to keep them to have a continued connection to your school, to kind of know what's going on, to kind of feel that nostalgia and that connection, because they're more likely to give. • Well, one of the ways that this connection • • can occur is through Instagram. And I'm telling you, it can lead to goodwill and it can lead to donations. So having your, um, own Instagram account at school • is good for business. • All right? Reason number two is that it's good for you. • It's good for you. • • And the first reason it's good for you is more dopamine. • • So I said, happy kids doing interesting things. • • When you're out and about in the school and you're taking pictures of • • happy kids doing interesting things, you're going to get a dopamine hit and another one, and another one.
Three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school
And here's the thing. When I open up my, um, Instagram and I just kind of, like, look back through old photos, it makes me so happy. I'm getting • dopamine hits just thinking about it. And so my point is, is that it's good for you for so many reasons. • • And we'll talk about a couple more here in a second. But • • • • • • our brains are marinating in cortisol, okay? And so we just need to offset a lot of that stress and anxiety and cortisol and fight or flight with some dopamine. • And happy kids doing interesting things • • is going to give you a dopamine hit. You take a picture, you post it on Instagram, you just kind of get into the habit of doing that, and it's going to be more dopamine, less cortisol. • The second reason • why it's good for you is because it's fun. • • • • • • • • You know, school is supposed to be fun, and there are fun things happening at your school. • • And it. The problem is, is that we • • • often • • get so • • tied up • • with the things that we are responsible for and the tyranny of the urgent and everyone else wanting us to adopt their definition of urgent that we don't get out and about much, as much as we would like to. And then • • we're not interacting with the fun parts of our school. • • And so school is supposed to be fun. And when you are posting on Instagram, it's fun. So, for example, you know, kids in the hall on a spirit day, or the sixth graders at the lunch table, whether, you know, at our school, • • • • • um, if it's nice weather, it's out of the picnic tables, or it's. • If it's in the cafeteria, you just walk up. And here's the thing. Tweens and teens, they're always up for a photo to be, you know, and they're gonna mug it up for the camera. That's fine. • • The more that they mug it up for the camera, the more happy and fun that. I mean, they're happy. You're not. This isn't manipulation. This isn't like, okay, smile. And they look miserable. All day long, you see happy kids. • • The parents need to see happy kids • • because when their kid rolls home, • • • • especially if they're a teen or a tween, • • do you think that the expression on that kid's face • • • after a long day of school and maybe a practice or two, um, and then they've got homework to do and blah, blah, blah. Do you think the expression on that kid's face matches what you usually see at school? No. They're two different things. So what is the parent seeing? • • They're seeing • • • • unhappy kid or tired, grumpy kid. And I get it, that's a teenager. That's their job when it comes to their parents. But you're seeing a different kid. How can we help the parents see what their kids look like at school? • • • • I'm telling you, this is the way. And so whether it's kids in the hall, kids, it's a lunch table that are mugging for the camera. Um, • • • • • • building a snowman at recess. Um, • • • • • • • it could be kindergarteners painting a picture, or seventh graders testing out their. The robot that they built in technology class with kids • having fun. • • • And when you're • • around kids having fun, you're having fun. • • So the three reasons why you should start your own Instagram account at school. Number one, • it's good for you. Reason number two, • • it's good for. Excuse me. Reason number one, it's good for business. Reason Number two, it's good for you. And reason number three is it makes you a more visible leader. • •
School leaders often say they wish they had more time at school
So I asked this question • • of my clients, my coaching clients, • • and the question is, you know, fill in the blank. I wish, I really wish that I had more time at school to do blank • • or it's been so long since I did blank, you know, at school. • • And you know, you might want to answer that question yourself. I really wish I had more time to do blank at school. Well, I want to tell you about 90% of the time the answer is the same. • • And they say that they wish that they were, um, able to get into classrooms more or able to get out and about in the school more often. That's about 90% of the time what I hear from coaching clients and what I hear from Thrive Academy students during office hours. • • • And so, • • you know, to further prove that point, you know, episode 95 • • which I'll link in the show notes@the privateschoolleader.com episode 121, • • • • • it's called how to be a more visible leader this year. That's one of the top three downloaded episodes • • out of 121 episodes. Okay. So • people, • • • school leaders that are listening to this podcast, • they want to do that. They're downloading an episode about how to strategically be able to do that more often. Okay. And then another one that was really downloaded a lot is a more recent episode and it's called, um, it's episode 117. It's called there's joy on your campus. It's just not in your office. • • And I want you to think about the inside of your office for a moment. Okay? Just picture it. You know, there's your desk, there's the thing that's hanging on your wall. There's the phone, • there's the computer, there's a chair. You know, just picture your office. Okay, • Now • • • I want you to think about, is there anything that's Instagram worthy in your office? • • • • • • Okay. Like, mhm. Probably not. Okay, so you have to go to the Joy and I'll link episode 117 in the show notes as well. There's joy on your campus, it's just not in your office. You have to go to the Joy and then just take pictures of the joy and post it. I know I'm making it sound easy, but I'm telling you, uh, there will be a little friction when you get started as far as like the how and the when and whatever, but it's, it'll be very, very easy and very intuitive and fun. Once you start doing it, okay, so you got to go to the joy and then photograph the joy and then post it. • • So those are the three reasons.
Every school should have a weekly parent memo, it can be in there
And then before we wrap it up, I just want to give you a couple more things. One is, how will people know • that I have an Instagram account? And then a few do's and don't. Okay, so how are the parents gonna know? So you just decide, let's say after you listen to this episode, okay, I'm going to do it. I'm going to start an Instagram account and I'm going to start posting. • • • • But how can the parents know? All right, so let's say that you have a weekly parent memo. I actually strongly recommend that every school have a weekly communication that, you know, regardless of how fancy it looks, it's. This doesn't have to be super fancy, but something that goes out on the same day at the same time. Um, um, once a week. • • But regardless of whether you have that or not, um, if you have a weekly parent memo, weekly parent email, um, it can be in there. You know, just. Hey, click here to check out, um, • • • miss, uh, so and so. Mr. So and so. Dr. So and so's, um, Instagram page. Okay, so that's one way to kind of announce it. And then it's just kind of there as a regular thing. • • Um, with a. Click here to follow. • Um, add it to your email signature. Um, click here to check out my Instagram. Um, you can. • • • Here's one thing that I do every year, I send welcome Back emails. • • Um, • • • uh, • • • • at my most recent school, I was in charge of fourth through eighth grade. And so every year I would send around the beginning of August, Welcome Back emails. One to fourth grade, one to fifth grade, one to sixth grade. And then at the bottom of that email, I would take screenshots of posts • • those same kids from the year before. • • • And then I would get. So I'm giving the parents some examples. And then, hey, click here to follow me to check out, you know, your kids doing interesting stuff. • • And just put that at the bottom kind of in like a P's. And that's, uh, A lot of parents are clicking and following because they, they want to see, • they want to see what's going on in school, but really what they want to see is their kid. • • Um, so I show the posts in welcome Back emails. • • Um, another is I share the link when I surprise and delight parents. • And so you've heard me talk about this before, that when I warm up my lunch, • • • • that, that takes about six minutes • • and I pull out my camera and I look at my photo gallery for the previous 24 hours. • • • And then I'm sending, you know, • • • three kids are smiling • for the camera at recess from the day before. Okay. So on the BCC line, I put • • the parent email address for those three kids on the subject line, put recess, attach the photo. • But then I'll also just paste my link to my, um, Instagram account in that email. It doesn't take very long. You can get really good at doing it quickly. And it's surprising toight because when I hit send, there's three different • • parents, um, • • maybe six different parents of those three children at work at different places throughout the day. And they're getting this surprise and delight email of their kid really happy at recess. But then it's super easy for them just to click and follow there. So those are just a few examples. There's a lot more, um, ways that you can get it out there. And it doesn't have to be that, • • • • • • that you feel like you have to put it on a billboard on the corner of the busiest intersection in your town. • Um, it will organically grow. • Um, and then you're going to continue to just remind, um, by having it in different places. Okay, so that's how people are going to find out.
Do post lots of pictures and videos of happy kids doing interesting things
And then let's finish up the episode with a few do's and don'ts. Okay. • • Um, and I will list these in the show notes because there's a few of them here and it's kind of might be a little hard to follow. • All right, do • • • • post lots of pictures and videos of happy kids doing interesting things. That's like the seventh time I've said that. Um, • • but • • pictures, little quick videos • of happy kids doing interesting things. Don't post kids that are on the do not photo list. • • So you're going to need to find out, you know, who those are. Um, and then what I do, honestly is, you know, part of it is I try to avoid those photos • • • • photographing those kids or groups of kids when that kid is in it. But I don't just not post if there's a photo that's great and awesome and interesting, but that kid happens to be in it. Um, what I do is I actually go in and put a little sticker, like a smiley face sticker, quote, unquote sticker over that kid's face and then post it. • Um, parents are fine with that. • You're not breaking any rules as far as do not photo. And you're also, then, you know, you don't have to Avoid taking pictures of this certain grade just because this kid is in half the photos. So, • • • • so do post pictures of videos and videos of happy kids doing interesting things. But don't • • post kids that are on the do not photo list. • • Do have a one way relationship with social media. • • Don't follow any current students or parents. Okay, so that's another thing that I really, • • • • • it's not that I try not to do it. I definitely don't follow um, • • • • • • • kids, um, current students. Um, I might follow a kid who graduates after they graduate in Ah, 8th grade, not even when they're in high school, but follow them when they get into college possibly. Um, so, • • • • and I'm not, I'm not following parents. Remember, one way relationship I don't care • • • • about, you know. Well, you followed that, you know, because that's the thing. If you follow this parent, then this other parent over here is going to get mad because you're not following them. So just don't follow anybody. This is a one way relationship. You're just putting that out there for them to see. You're not worried about • • following people because you're not going to go look at their stuff anyways. Okay, • • um, do, • • • um, • • • • • • do regularly post. Okay, so start out with just trying to post once or twice a week. • • • Um, • • over the years I worked up to where I was posting, you know, once a day, five days a week. • • Um, do regularly post. Don't beat yourself up when you are too busy to post. • • • Okay, do regularly post. Don't beat yourself up when you're too busy to post. • • • Do post the occasional MLK Jr. Quote on MLK Day or say Happy Thanksgiving, etc. You know, when it's a holiday, don't feel like you need to post a response to everything. • • • • So my point is, is that if there's like a school shooting or if there's something big going on in the news or you know, once you start posting quote unquote responses, you know, and that's a whole different thing as far as, as a school because if you have a school Instagram page, a school Facebook page, • • you know, more and more schools are just choosing not to respond • to things because they've gotten into this thing where they're responding to everything and no matter what they post, they • • make half the people mad. But • this isn't for that, okay? This is for videos and pictures of happy kids doing interesting things. So don't feel like you need to post responses to things that are happening in the world. If that's something your school feels like you need to do. Then that's on the school's official Instagram or Facebook page. Okay. And then finally, do walk around campus with an eye. For what? To photograph with that amazing camera that you have, • • um, in your smartphone. • • And then don't worry about the quality of the photos. • • • It's a little bit blurry. You know, this kid was running this, but nobody cares. Nobody cares. You don't have to be a photographer. • • • • It's just, again, • • it's fun, it's interesting, it's. Wow, they're really doing that thing. The kids are doing this. I didn't know they had a Thanksgiving • • food, um, • • drive. And I didn't know that they were given speeches and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. It's like, yeah, exactly. All the things the parents didn't know • • • • here and there, now they know. • And so that just leads to so many positives.
Three reasons why you should start your own Instagram at school
Um, and so speaking of the positives, let's just wrap it up by reminding you the three reasons why you should start your own Instagram at school. Your own Instagram account at school. Reason number one, it's good for business. Reason number two, it's good for you. And reason number three, it makes you a more visible leader. • • • And • • with the call to action, I've actually got a couple. Usually I really try to limit it to one, but I'll put these in the show notes. • So call to action. If you don't have a school Instagram account, start one in the next week and make your first post. If you don't have one, start one. • • And if you need help, ask your most tech savvy colleague or teacher. Or if you have a teenager or young adult living at your house, it'll take you like three to five minutes at the most to get your first post out there. • • • Um, and if you are thinking, okay, this is all well and good, • • • • • • • but I'm trapped in my office. I just, I can't get out there. Why even start? I just, I haven't seen a kid in three days. Okay, I get that episode 115 is where the gold is for you on that specific issue. • • • There's joy on your campus, it's just not in your office. And so I'll link that in the show notes. But episode 115, • • listen to it or go back and listen to it again through the lens of having an Instagram account. And then it's so much fun. And then I'd love it, love it, love it if you would email me your link. Um, once you get started, you've got a couple of Posts. • • Um, you know, email me um, with the link to your Instagram. I'd love to see what you're up to. And • • • • um, • • • so again you could email me at [email protected]
kusmail.com and um, • I mentioned before like well what I was going to give you my um, Instagram. I'll link it in the show notes but it's um, @markminkuscds . • • • • Um • • and so I know that's a lot but I'll take good care of you in the show notes. • Um, just one last thing again if you would please • • um, • remember to give uh, or to send or forward this link to another leader in your life, another leader at school. • • A uh, quick reminder about Parent academy, this online digital course. That's your step by step framework • • for building effective partnerships, reducing your stress. • • And again the best part, probably the best part I think it is, is Parent Academy comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings for your teachers with a 27 page printable workbook and guided notes and discussion questions and teacher resources that you can use with them. Um, at a PD you can onboard new teachers with it in the future. You get lifetime access to that. • • Check it out@the privatescgalutr.com parent acacademy and then real quick another free gift. The seven strategies to effectively deal with difficult teachers. • I want to help you with that. If you've got a couple difficult teachers to deal with, • • • how are you going to improve their performance? How you going to improve their attitude? Allgh, let me give you a free guide and help you with that. The privatescgler.com difficult is where you're going to grab for free the seven strategies to deal with effective. • • Excuse me. To deal with difficult teachers. So um, • • • this has been awesome. I uh, love posting on Instagram. It's so much fun. Um, • • check mine out at Mark Minka CDS to give you a couple of ideas • • and you know • • • I just ah, again I think it's good for you. I've enjoyed it so much and obviously I'm passionate about it but there are some good reasons to do it and um, I hope that you'll um, take me up on that and do that and so let's wrap it up.
Mark Minkus: Thank you for joining me today on Private School Leader podcast
I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I appreciate you so much and all the hard work that you're doing for those lucky kids and teachers at your school. Thank you for taking some time out of your precious, precious time that your uh, • time out of your week to join me here today. And I'LL see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 120: It May Be Time For You To Consider A Continuous Enrollment Model
1 feb· The Private School Leader Podcast
“Enrollment Season”
Two words that can stir up a variety of emotions in nearly every private school leader. Enrollment season can cause you to feel stress, anxiety and uncertainty. You might be thinking “here we go again” and that is going to be a real grind.
According to Independent School Management, 30–40% of private schools are currently using a continuous enrollment model or are working toward implementing this approach in the near future.
For 31 years, I was used to a very traditional model: send out enrollment contracts, remind families of the deadline, start making phone calls when the deadline has passed, etc. But, two years ago, my most recent school switched to a continuous enrollment model and it has been a real game-changer.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, I want you to know that It May Be Time For You To Consider A Continuous Enrollment Model.
I know that you are super busy, so be sure to listen while you are doing something else. I hope that you will get value from this episode as you serve and lead your school community. Thank you for taking some time out of your day to listen to the podcast!
Thanks for making a difference,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode120
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.
George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, where private school leaders learn how to thrive and, uh, not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • So I want to start today's episode by saying two words • • that will cause you to feel a certain way. • • • • And I'm not sure exactly how they're going to make you feel, • but I'm going to sayve them and then ask you a question. • •
About 30 to 40% of independent and private schools use a continuous enrollment model
So ready. Here are the two words. • • • Enrollment season. • • • • • • • Enrollment season. • • • • So does that cause • joy and happiness and excitement and, • • • • well, or • • • • • does it cause stress and anxiety and uncertainty and thinking about a grind and thinking, here we go again, and chasing down families and not being sure who's coming back and, • • you know, what emotions • • • come from the two words enrollment season • • • for you. • • • • Well, if you're listening to this in real time, • • • • we're right around the end of January, beginning of February, • • • • and I've been talking to my coaching clients, and I'll tell you when I ask them the question, what's taking up the most headspace, • • • • really, since winter break, and even the week before winter break, • • almost all of them have said, well, it's enrollment season coming up. So dot, dot, dot. • • • • • I'd, um, • say probably about 80% of my clients that that's the answer to that question. • • • And, you know, for me, for 31 years, • • • • • I • • • was at a school where we had a traditional, • • quote, unquote, traditional, um, enrollment season where, you know, you send out enrollment contracts • • and then you, um, um, you know, remind families of the deadline and you start making phone calls and you send reminders, and when the deadline has passed, then you • • • • • chase down families and, and you meet with the • director of enrollment and go over a long list of kids whose parents have not yet re registered for the fall. And, you know, the. Do you know of anything that's going on with this family, why they might not be coming back? Is it that they're just disorganized, so on and so forth? • • • So that was my experience for 31 years. But at my most recent school, • • um, two years ago, • • • • the school switched to a continuous enrollment model. • • • And several of my coaching clients have also switched to this model, some in recent years, and some have been doing it for • • eight, maybe 10 years. • • • • And so I'm not sure • • • • where you're at on this Issue. I know that ISM • • says that about 30 to 40% of independent and private schools in America are using, uh, a continuous enrollment model or are working towards implementing this approach in the near future. • • So 30 to 40%. • • • • But if you're in that 30 to 40% and you're already • • using a continuous enrollment model, I still want you to stick around and I'll tell you why in a few minutes. So on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • I want you to consider that it may be time for you • • to consider a continuous enrollment model. • • •
I want to give you a free resource on improving teacher morale
All right, before we jump into that, I just want to remind you of a couple things real quick and then give you a free gift. • • So first of all, um, I do have a couple of, uh, coaching openings right now. Um, I'd love to work with you one on one and help you solve your biggest problem. I'd love to hear more about what's your biggest problem. And you can learn more about that@the privatescooluter.com coaching. And also a couple weeks ago, I launched a brand new digital course called Parent Academy. • • And Parent Academy is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • • And, • • um, it's an online digital course and there's four modules and you'll learn how to do all the things that you are stressed about and have better meetings and understand why they are the way that they are and how to work with certain kinds of parents and outliers and all those kinds of things. I'll teach you that. But then • • I'm going to teach this step by step framework to your teachers. • • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings • for your teachers with a 27 page printable notebook and guided notes and discussion questions. And just think, you could use that at a pd. You could use that for onboarding in the future for new hires. • • Um, • • it's really been a game changer. I mean, there's been a lot of interest in that since it's launched and a lot of, uh, leaders out there that are pretty excited about it. So I'd love for you to get involved and you can just check that out@the privatescoolr.com parentacademy • and then one last thing, I want to give you a free resource. • • • • I just want to say thank you for listening to the podcast. This is episode 120. It's hard to believe that, um, we have 120 episodes that we've, you know, I've been talking to you and You've been showing up and listening. And I just want to say thank you so much. And I hope that these episodes have been helpful to you. And as a way to say thank you, I want to give you this guide. It's called 7 Secrets to Improving Teacher Morale. And I think as leaders, we're always looking for ways to improve teacher morale, but it's kind of hard to quantify and it's kind of hard to know where to start. Well, I want to give you a step by step plan, and you can grab that@the privatehoolleade leader.com morale. That's the seven secrets to improving teacher morale. That's free for you. Just go to the privateschooler.com morale. •
This episode will give you six pros and six cons to using a continuous enrollment model
All right, so it may be time for you to consider a continuous enrollment model. • • • And what we're going to do on this episode is, first of all, define a continuous enrollment model. Then I'm going to give you six pros and six cons to using a continuous enrollment model and then give you some next steps. Now, I said a minute ago that if you're already using this at your school, you know, you should stick around. Well. Well, why, if you're already using it well, why should I listen to an episode that's telling me maybe I should consider using it? Well, here's the thing. When we go through the six pros and the six cons, • I would love for you to think about, okay, the six pros are these things that are still are these things that are happening at my school, • or do we need to really double down on that and optimize that part of it? And then the six cons • are these things that we're unfortunately letting slip or that are problem areas for us. And what can we do to fix that? So I really think this episode is for everybody. • • • It's for school leaders that don't have a continuous enrollment model at their school to consider it, but it's also for leaders that have one to check in • with the process and see if it needs to be improved. • •
If you're considering a continuous enrollment model, you have to start somewhere
So hopefully I've convinced you and let's get into it. So • • the timing of this episode is really intentional. You know, I told you, if you're listening in real time, it's the end of January, beginning of February. • • And that's because, you know're many schools are into their enrollment season, and if you are going to consider a, uh, continuous enrollment model, you're not just going to all of a sudden decide to do that. It's going to take time. You need a Runway. And so if it's, you know, if you're hearing this in, you know, real time in early February, then you know, you're about 11 to 12 months out, um, from • • next year's re enrollment season. • And so it is a feasible timeline • • and you have to start somewhere. And maybe it's that you start talking about it with your, • um, with other leaders, with the, um, leadership team at your school, or maybe with your board president, if you are the whole leadership team. • Um, • maybe it's something that you start to ask, um, a couple of leaders in your geographic area that use a continuous enrollment model and ask them, well, what do you think about that? You have to start somewhere. And so I'm not saying that this is going to be easy. I'm just saying that if you're going to ever do it, • you have to start at some point. And what I want to do, honestly with this episode is just really stimulate your thinking about it and then you decide what action that you want to take. • • So let's start by defining it. What is the continuous enrollment model? Okay, so rather than opt in, re enrollment, which is the traditional model • • • where all parents or guardians sign new contracts and enroll their children every year, • • • continuous enrollment is an opt out process. • • So instead of every year asking your families to opt in, • • you're going to ask your families once • • • to opt in and then they have to opt out. • • • And so this model assumes that once a student is enrolled in your school, they're going to continue attending • • until graduation unless the family opts out or requests to withdraw, • • let's say partway through a school year that, you know, the one parent has to move to another state for their job or things of that nature. • • But the idea is, is that they're in until they tell us that they want out. • • And enrollment contracts are typically rolling and the school checks in with families to confirm or update details each year. And of course there's communication about it and there's reminders about, you know, when it's going to happen. And here's the deadline if you do want to opt out. • But • • • it you're in until you're out. And many colleges and universities have been using this model for decades. • • And it's something that's a little newer, maybe the last 20 years, that's grown in popularity, especially maybe the last 10 years in a lot of private and independent schools. • • And you know, this business model is becoming much more common, um, in North America. If you think about Netflix or hello Fresh or Amazon prime or Walmart, plus, you know, you Sign up once, and then that, um, subscription fee comes out, uh, once a month. • And so • • • • • that's the definition.
Six pros and six cons of the continuous enrollment model
And so now what I want to get into are six pros and six cons that will help again stimulate your thinking about the continuous enrollment model. • • All right, Pro number one is increased retention. • • • So the sample size is growing for schools that have been using this. • And the data is growing. • • And • • the data is showing • increased retention rates for over schools • • when they compare for schools when they compare, • • • • • um, their retention rates • • using the continuous enrollment model versus using the re register every year model. • So increased retention and one of the reasons is the psychology behind • the continuous enrollment model and how it reduces friction for parents. So instead of • every year being a decision year and every January and February being a decision year, we want to, you know, get out of that mindset and, and have it be that my kid is here • and that the only decision year is when your school, when they graduate from your school, whether that's in 6th grade or 8th grade or 12th grade. Where are they going to go, you know, after your. They age out of your school. • And so • • • • that is one of the, um, continuing to emerge is the amount of data to support that. But the data that is available is showing increased retention • • because they're in and we're not asking them every year, hey, are you still in? • Um, they are speaking up to say I'm out. • • • Okay. Pro number two, • • • earlier confidence in enrollment numbers. • • And when I spoke to some of the • • • • directors of enrollment, you, you know, at my most recent school and also at a couple of other schools, um, in, I'm thinking Pennsylvania, California and Arkansas immediately come to mind. So kind of, you know, all over that this was something that was big. Um, when I was asking those questions that you've got earlier confidence in your enrollment numbers. And we know that those enrollment numbers drive some pretty big decisions. And so, you know, it's about the budget. Um, you know, how many teachers do we need, um, or how much fundraising do we need to have for next school year? Can we proceed with buying that • van the. For, you know, that, • uh, to drive the kids around or can we proceed with this or that? You know, a lot of times • • • as school leaders were kind of waiting around on families who, let's face it, • • they, they blow right past the stop sign that is the deadline and they haven't re enrolled. And then we're pursuing, pursuing, pursuing, asking, nagging, ning, all the words. • • And we're not really sure, you know, uh, we have a lot of in undecided or we Think so. And, you know, how many different categories have you seen when you're looking at families who haven't re enrolled past the stated deadline? • • Um, • you know, this continuous enrollment model really lets you know, and it lets you know earlier. • • And that leads me to pro number three. Pro number three is, you know, way earlier if someone is considering leaving. • • And so you have a longer Runway to work with them, to retain them. And so we've all been there where • • • if you have a family • • • who doesn't re register, • and maybe, you know, there's a wide range of reasons, maybe they haven't been that happy. • Um, • you know, maybe they're not sure if they can still afford it. Maybe they're thinking about moving, • um, to a different school district where the • • • school system is better, quote, unquote, you know, all of the things, okay? • • And • • they're not sure. • • • • And so then we wait until they decide. • • And sometimes • • • they're deciding this in May or June. And not only is that a problem because of what I just mentioned about budgeting and forecasts and staffing needs and all that, but really it's a problem because you don't have a chance • • to work with them, to try to retain them and try to solve the problem, • • because it's already a done deal. You know, the school year's almost over. They've already decided. They've already toured the other school, whatever. Okay? I'm not saying you're going to keep every single family if you go to the continuous enrollment model. But what I am saying is that they're put on the spot • • • with a financial pinch that is real. If they • • • don't speak up, you know, and their deposit is withdrawn from their account through facts or however your school will set it up, • • • you know, they're going to speak up • and they're going to say, well, we're not sure. Um, I'm not comfortable, you know, with that. And so I want to opt out right now and maybe'blah, blah, blah. Okay, fine. • • • • But then you can get busy with that family and be like, hey, you want to come in and talk? You know, I just want to hear kind of what's going on. And, you know, is there something that we can do to help? And I'm not saying that you're going to fix them all, but I'm saying that if you have a longer Runway than you used to have, it's going to make a difference. Okay.
Continuous enrollment can eliminate a lot of paperwork for families
All right, then, pro number four, a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • • So this is another big thing that I heard from the Directors of enrollment that I spoke with preparing for this episode is that you know how much stress you go through, and I know that I'm talking to leaders that have all different sizes of teams. • • Some of your schools, you are the whole team. You're the enrollment director, • • • • the development director, and admissions and fundraising and all the things. Okay, but some schools have a small team or some schools have a larger team. But regardless, • • • enrollment season • • • • causes a lot of stress • • on a lot of people and it's a lot of work. • • And so • • • • if you think about it, • • you know, people that I talked to, they told me that they actually have more bandwidth for recruitment • • because they're not • • spending so much time on chasing down contracts • • and sending the reminder emails and more likely spending time on the phone and calling people and getting voicemail and all of those things. • • When there's a deadline that has passed, when people have to opt in and return that signed enrollment contract, • • • • • that if with a continuous enrollment model, • • there are emails that are planned that go out to remind • • people of the policy. We're not doing anything in secret, we're not doing anything unethically, • • • • but boy does it open up the schedule and open up the hours for your enrollment team at that time of year. • • • And so it's something to consider. • • And especially if you're a one person show or a two person show, • • you know, if this could lower the • stress, lower the total • amount of work every single year, every single year, • • • • • then you, • you're also not having all of those meetings. You know, I used to sit in a lot of meetings and they were necessary meetings where, you know, probably at least once a month. And then maybe it got even more frequent than that where I was sitting down with the director of enrollment and the head of school and going through all the kids who were in my division • whose families had not yet re registered them. And hey, you know, Mark, is there anything going on with this family that I need to know about, like those kinds of things? You're not having those meetings either. And so a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • And then pro number five is a simplified re enrollment process for families. Here's the thing, • • • • • • • There's a lot of businesses out there that are competing for • the dollars that we spend. • • • And a lot of them, um, pretty much offer the same kind of • • • • products or services. And the thing that sets • • businesses apart • • is how simple is it, how stress free is it to buy the thing, • to buy the product, to buy the service. • • • That's what people are looking for, is ease. • • • And • • if there's less paperwork and fewer deadlines for families. • • • They like that because it's simplified. Okay. And that's what they're becoming more and more used to in their daily lives, is that companies are climbing over each other to try to simplify • the process to make it simple for you to do business with them. Well, let's not be the one outlier that's got all the paperwork and the deadlines and the forms. And which form am I supposed to turn in by which date? We want to reduce that friction. And continuous enrollment can eliminate a lot of paperwork for families because they need to sign a contract once • • • and they don't really have to worry about deadlines unless they're opting out. • • • And so, • • • • • um, I just want to add that some continuous enrollment model schools • • • make payment deadlines more flexible and allow parents to pay their RE enrollment fees over the course of a couple of months. • • And what I'm getting at there is that sometimes it's a big pinch for families • • • in January, February, they're still maybe trying to pay off some credit cards from the holiday season, • • um, that, you know, if you're set up with facts or something similar, you know, it's not a big leap to be able to whatever that RE enrollment fee is • • instead of it being due at the time of, you know, the RE enrollment contract, • that it could just be spread out • • and then it's not as big of a pinch. And so again, that's just less friction and it's a simplified process for the families.
If you're deciding to do, to pivot to a continuous enrollment model
And that brings us to pro number six, • • and that is that families are very used to doing business this way. Um, I mentioned before, Netflix, helloRessh, Amazon Prime, Walmart, plus Dollar Shave Club. There's • an endless list. • • • And you know, families are very used to sign up, set it and forget it kind of, um, way of doing business. • • And I want you to think about your younger parents. • • • The parents are getting younger all the time. • • You know, as leaders, we. Depending on your age. I'm 57, you know, and I see some of the parents of younger students in the school and think, wow, you know, they look really young. And that's just because I'm getting older. But my point is this. • • The younger parents in the school, this is, they don't really know • • the previous way, the previous model of doing business. • They know the subscription, • • • • sign um • up once and you have to opt out way of doing business. That's very common for • • • families that are, um, becoming more • • the generation of digital natives. They don't want the fuss, they don't want the hassle. And so pro number six is that families are very used to doing business this way. • • So then that brings us to the six cons. • • So con number one, • • the first year is a heavy lift for the enrollment team and the head of school. • • • • • So if you're deciding to do, to pivot to a continuous enrollment model, it's not like • you can just, • • you know, buy a piece of software and • • • load it onto your computer and • • it's over, it's done. You know, there's going to be meetings, there's going to be reviewing enrollment contracts, there's going to be looking at language, there's going to be working with the company that perhaps it's the company that's doing your um, you know, your • • • monthly • • um, tuition, whether it's facts or a similar company, • um, and many of them now, you know, they're the ones that there's an expansion to that or it's something that is your overarching, um, software management system, um, enrollment management system and hopefully. And then, you know, that's another um, con that we're going to get to in a moment is about the interface between your existing system and this. But • • the point is, is that it's going to be a heavy lift. I don't want to try and persuade you that oh, this is like falling off a log. It's super easy. Um, I mean there's going to be people out there to guide you. But here's the thing, • • • it's a heavy lift. But every single person that I spoke to • • said that it was so worth it and that you get that time back • • starting the first year that it you, your first enrollment season when you're using the continuous enrollment model and then every year after that. So on the one hand, con number one is the first year is a heavy lift. • • • • But I am hearing that everyone is saying that has done it, is that it was worth it, they like it, and that you get that time back in the future.
Con number two is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift
All right, • con number two, part of the heavy lift is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift. So • • • one um, director of enrollment um, in Pennsylvania told me that year one is a teaching year. • • • And so • • um, that makes sense. And you change is hard for most people, even if the outcome is going to be really awesome. • • Um, I had head of school in Arkansas, he told me communicate early • • and often, um, • • • when you're making this change and you know, just think about over time how resistant people have been to advancements in technology. You know, when they invented the car, all the people that • • • drove horse drawn carriages were Pretty upset. And you know, just go on down through history with new. The resistance that was put up to new types of technology and now we're getting some of that with AI, • • • there's going to be some resistance and some discomfort from the families because they're used to doing it one way. But that's your job as the head of school, as the division leader, or to guide your enrollment team when it comes to the communication of the family. So early and often and clear would be the best advice. • • • • Um, • • excuse me. Con number three is extra work for canceled contracts. • • What I am hearing also is, is that if you choose to implement a continuous enrollment model, that some families • • • • may decide to leave prior to the next school year. And so there's going to be a refund policy in there and then you're going to have to • • • • refund a certain percentage or a certain amount and there's credit cards involved in things of that nature. • • And you that's going to cause some additional work and maybe some a learning curve for your business office. And maybe you are the business office. I get it that I'm talking to leaders at small schools, all the way up to leaders at big schools when I put out an episode. But you're applying it to your situation. And so, um, • you canceling contracts, • • that turns into more work. But I'll tell you this, • • people leave during the school year anyways. And if you're not using a continuous enrollment model and then you're still dealing with parts of this, it might just be a little bit less, • • um, • • • confusing. So, um, • • con number three is extra work for cancele contracts. Con number four • • • is losing focus on telling your story. So let me tell you what I mean by that. • • Um, you know, I always say that the key to retention is treating every family like a new family. • • And I have heard. And then also in the articles that I read for this episode, which by the way, • I'm going to take good care of you in the show notes as usual. • • Um, the privatescglutr.com episode 120, • • I have four or five articles there for you. • Um, • • pros and cons type articles from different, um, reliable sources for you to just continue to learn and stimulate your thinking on this. • But in reading those articles and talking to different people, different clients, • • people at different schools, • • um, you know, • • • • there's the risk that some complacency will set in when it comes to families opting in once and then they're just there. And what we certainly don't want to do is if they set it and forget it. We don't want to set it and forget them. And so • • • m telling our story, often in many different places. Why our school is special. The storytelling, the • • images of happy kids doing interesting things on the website and the weekly newsletter and all of those things. What we don't want is • • for families to feel like • • they are um, • not appreciated, to feel like it's a done deal with them, to feel like they're taken for granted. • • And we don't want that either. And so my point though is that sometimes • there could be some of that complacency that could slip in with, • • • with um, • • this enrollment model of continuous enrollment. • •
Making sure that you are in compliance with state laws is important
And that brings us to, to con number five, • which is making sure that you are in compliance with state laws. • • I'll only spend a minute on this one. • Um, in the show notes, I have a guide for you that is just a kind of a quick link, • • um, • for each of the 50 states with some things about compliance. • • • The company that you work with • • will obviously help you with this. But different states have different laws when it comes to these types of opt in • • • • • once, but then you have to opt out type contracts. As far as like how many years is it in place? So for instance, if someone enrolls in your state as a first grader, I mean do you have to do x, y or z ever? Or is it every three years or five years or when they're, you know, whatever. So • it's, it's something that's an additional step. • • Um, • but once you know it, you'll know it. And like I said, the company that you work with, the advice that you get, um, will help you with that.
Step one is to get some automatic withdrawal set up at your school
And then that brings us to con number six. • • And that's technology fit and distribution of tasks. And so • • facts or a, ah, reasonable • • facsimile to it. Um, something like it, you know, you're automatic withdrawal. • • Um, and if you're not doing that and you're still having people mail you checks, which I know there's some schools out there that are still doing that, um, • • you know, again, maybe this episode is going to spur you into step one, • • • which is to get some automatic withdrawal set up at your school. And then step two further down the road would be the continuous enrollment model. But I know that most schools, • um, listening already have that in place. • • • So this has to work with • • your system that's already in place. • • And then you also have to provide clarity for your enrollment team and your finance team as far as who's doing what. And this maybe the busy season for the finance team was later in the spring, but now it's going to move up to • • • late, um, • winter instead of spring. Um, and just so that we're not duplicating tasks or the tasks are being, um, • • dropped and left undone, is that there's going to need to be a lot of communication surrounding this new way of doing things. • Timing, responsibilities, • things of that nature. Okay, so what are the next steps then? Um, you know, if re really all I want you to do is to start thinking about this. • Um, you know, so read the resources in the show notes • at the private school leader do. Com episode one and 20 zeros • • • and maybe talk to one or two other leaders in your geographic area or someone that you met at a conference and ask them, are you using the continuous enrollment model? How long have you been doing it? Do you like it? And if you don't know what leaders in your area are doing, maybe reach out to your, • • um, school leadership organization, whether it's N's or ACSI or PRISMA or NCEA or CSI or others that are out there. Um, and they could probably guide you in the direction of, well, why don't you talk to this person and this person? And so again, just maybe getting more educated by reading some of the resources in the show notes and talk to another leader or two at another school that's using it and pick their brain • • and maybe you decide to go in this direction. I just want to stimulate your thinking. • • Um, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? Well, the continuous enrollment model is rather than an opt out re enrollment • • where all parents and guardians must sign new contracts to enroll their kids every single school year. • • • • • • • It is an opt out process. So rather than opt in annually, • • • it's opt in once and then you have to opt out when you decide that you want to leave the school. • And this model assumes your kid is enrolled • and that they'll continue attending until graduation • • unless that family opts out or requests to withdraw. So that's what it is. • • • 6 Pro • increased retention, • • • earlier confidence in enrollment numbers, • • • you know, way earlier if someone is thinking about leaving • a more focused and less stressed enrollment team. • • • Simplified RE enrollment process for families. • • And many families are used to doing business this way. And then six cons. The first year is a heavy lift for the enrollment team and the head of school. • • Part of the heavy lift is communicating with families and creating a mindset shift. • • Number three, extra work for canceled contracts. Number four, losing focus on telling your story and complacency setting in. • Number five, making sure you're in compliance with state laws. And con number six is the technology fit and distribution of tasks. • • And your call to action, I've kind of mentioned it twice now, is really to just take a look at some of the resources in the show notes and maybe reach out to one or two other leaders that are using the continuous enrollment model and just talk to them for 15 or 20 minutes and ask them, what do you think? • • • So let's wrap it up.
Mark Minkus: I created Parent Academy to help private school leaders
I want to just remind you about something that's very, very, um, important, something that takes up a lot of headspace, and that is that, you know, you might have a parent living rent free in your head right now • • • • and they might be living there 24, 7. And then it's hard to get them out of your head when you're trying to fall asleep or you're at the dinner table or even driving to work or in the shower. • • And trust me, I've been where you are. I used to get super anxious and sick to my stomach just thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And parent issues dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do and I didn't have a plan. And all I had was a lot of anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • But that's why I created Parent Academy for you, because I want you to have a plan. I want you to go from feeling anxious and stressed out about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • And so I want you to check out Parent Academy, this digital online course that's a step by step framework for you, but it's also got those two webinars where then I can teach your, uh, teachers. • • So you can check that out@the privatealutr.com parentacademy and then one more free resource for you. This one's called the six Things that Every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. This guide is a six page PDF that will be a game changer for you. And I guarantee that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can grab that at the privatescchoolade leader.com guide. The six things every private School Teacher Wants from their leader@thePR • privatehoolleader.com guide. • • And one last request, • • if you've gotten value from this podcast, • • I would love it if you would just please share the link to the podcast with another leader in your life, • • another leader at school or someone you met at a conference or anybody that you know that's in Private School leadership. Just share the link with them. And then I also believe that you have a good eye for a rising leader in your school. Who's that rising leader that is showing that potential? Send them the link to the podcast as well, and maybe you can be the one to help spur them on to filling what will in the future be many openings in private school leadership. So I would just really appreciate it if you would share the link with other leaders in your life and rising leaders at your school. • And I've been your host, Mark Minkus. I just appreciate you so much and all the amazing work that you're doing at your school. Thank you for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 119: Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right
25 jan· The Private School Leader Podcast
We’ve all been there.
A parent is in your office and they are complaining about the school’s policies for detention or dress code or sports eligibility or the grading scale, etc, etc……..
It can get really frustrating when the school policy is in black and white in your handbook and the parent doesn’t think that these rules should apply to their child. It gets even worse when you are discussing a suspension from school or from the basketball team.
I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they are confused.
They think that attendance at your school is a right. But attendance at your school is not a right. It’s a privilege.
Are we just going to throw up our hands in frustration and give up? Of course not. We are going to take action On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to talk about Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right.
Thank you for listening to the podcast every week. You are making a difference in the lives of the students, teachers and parents at your school. I know that what you do is difficult, exhausting and lonely. Your hard work inspires me to keep making weekly content to try to encourage and inspire you as you serve your school.
Thanks for all you do,
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help.
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode119
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. • I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So we've all been there, • • and we've all had that moment when a parent walks into your office • and they're upset about their child, and • they're upset about the way that the school is trying to enforce clearly stated policies, • • • and they're just acting like none of the rules apply to their kid • • and that their child is entitled to • • • attend your school no matter what. • • • • And • • I think that part of the reason that they act this way is because they're confused. • • • • And they're confused because they think that attending your school is a right. • • • • • • Well, it's not a right. Attending your school is a privilege. • • • So then are we just going to throw up our hands and say, well, that's just how that parent is. And, uh, then we cave into their • demands, and then we're just frustrated and then complain about them to our • • family when we get home? Is that what we're going to do? • • • • No, • • • we're going to • take action. • • And on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, • • we are going to talk about reminding your parents • • that attendance is a privilege • and not a right. • • • • But before we jump into that, I want to just • • pause and tell you that • I've been where you are right now. • • • And • • • • I used to have parents at my school • • that lived rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was trying to fall asleep or at the dinner table or driving to work or in the shower, and parents are just in my head. And I used to get super anxious and even, you know, sick to my stomach just even thinking about talking to certain parents. • • And honestly, parent issues just dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out most of the time. • • • Uh, and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't have a plan. • • • But what I did have was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • • • • Well, that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want you to have a plan. • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm, • and relaxed. • • • • I want to say that one more time with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • And Parent Academy is an online digital course • that is your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And after I teach you these strategies, then I'm going to teach your teachers because there's two 45 minute webinars with guided notes that you can use at a PD with your teachers at your school. • • • • And so I want you to check this out and you can go over to the privatescger.com parentacademy to learn more • about this new course and how it can help the parents that are living rent free in your head • • move out. It's time for them to move out.
7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers is a free PDF
So • • privatehoolader.com parent parentacademy and then I want to give you a free gift just to say thank you for listening to the podcast. And this One is a PDF called 7 Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. • You know, and sometimes we need some courage and some confidence to deal with difficult teachers. • And, you know, we need a plan. I think that all good teachers have a lesson plan. All good coaching coaches have a game plan. • • And I want to give you a plan when it comes to working • with your. • • • • Maybe it's only a couple teachers or one teacher that's difficult, but I want you to have a step by step plan that you can use • • to help them improve their, uh, performance and improve their attitude. And so if you go to the privatescgaler.com difficult, you can grab this free guide. And again, it's called seven Strategies to Effectively Deal with Difficult Teachers. And it's just one small way that I can say thank you for taking • time out of your busy schedule to listen to the podcast. • • •
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
So at the top of the episode, I said that I want to talk about how we're going to remind our parents that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • • And so the first thing that we're going to do is to compare and contrast • • rights and privileges. Just get a couple definitions out of the way • • and then talk and give a few examples about how attendance at your school is a privilege. And then I'm going to give you seven strategies that will help you remind your parents • that attendance is a privilege and not a right. • • • • So first of all, let's talk about rights and privileges. So just by definition, a right is something that is legally guaranteed. • • • • • And you know, in most cases, • • a right is something that society as a whole • • • agrees upon. • • • And it's also something that cannot easily be taken away. So for example, • • in the United States, there's a right to free public education. And that's guaranteed for all children under the age of 18 years old, regardless of their, • uh, their behavior, their academic performance or anything. Kids in America have a right to free public education. That's a right that cannot be easily taken away. And • • we agree as a society that that's important, and it's a right that is legally guaranteed. • • • But on the other hand, a privilege • • • • • • is a special benefit • • or advantage • • that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So again, I'm just trying to change your mindset, because I think that sometimes we think that once a kid is in our school, that they're just there forever, and we just have to put up with whatever the kid does and with whatever the parent does. • • And I know I'm speaking in extremes right now, but sometimes that's how we think. • • And so a student being at your school is a privilege. It's not a right. • • • And privileges are not guaranteed by law. And • • they can be removed based on. Based on our actions • • • or our performance or special circumstances. And so let me give you an example. • So let's say that I'm driving my car • • through a neighborhood where the speed limit is 25 miles per hour, and I'm going 55. And so I get a ticket. And then a week later, I'm doing the same thing, and I'm driving 55, and I get another ticket. • Well, sooner or later, if I get enough tickets, they're gonna revoke my. • • • Excuse me, They'renna Revoke my license. • • • And • • • • having a driver's license • is a privilege. • • It's not a right. It is a privilege • • that's a special benefit that's granted under certain conditions and can be revoked. So I passed my driver's test when I was 16. • • I got a driver's license. You know, every four years I have to renew it, um, so on and so forth. But • • it is a privilege • • that could be taken away • • based on my behavior. • • • • And even though kids in the United States are guaranteed access to public education, • • • they are not guaranteed • • • • to an education at your private school. That is not a legal right. That is a privilege. • • And it's an opportunity. And it's wonderful, and it's amazing. And again, I, uh, want to acknowledge that not many people in America on a percentage basis can afford that. • • But • we have to get clear on this. • • • • It's an opportunity that you're providing as a school, and it can be taken away • • if certain conditions aren't met or because of behavior or something like that.
Attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right
And so I want to talk for another minute now about how • • attendance at your school is a privilege. • • • So, you know, we talk about • • • • • privilege, um, • • and responsibility • • • and how as long as you fulfill your responsibility, you get to keep the privilege. You know, that's something that you learned when you were a kid at your house, you know, if you had chores • • and um, um, you • • had, you know, some sort of privilege like watching TV or • • • • • going, um, • out with your friends or riding your bike or something that mattered to you, • • • that as long as you fulfilled your responsibilities in the home, then you got to keep those privileges. • • • • And once you started • • to, • • you know, mess up or not do the thing or to get into trouble at school or get in trouble with the, that police or whatever the case might have been when you were a kid, • • then those privileges were taken away. And so at our school, • • • you know, think about behavior. • • Student, uh, • • behavior and student discipline. • • • • • • • It happens in our schools, and so it usually escalates it as far as the consequences. It starts out with something small like a lunch detention or a, uh, phone call home or a walking recess or whatever it might be. • • • • • • • • But if it continues, • • even if it's low level, chronic misbehavior, if it continues and it never stops, • then the consequences are going to escalate all the way to • a suspension, which is a temporary • • • revocation of a privilege of attendance, or all the way to expulsion, which is the ultimate revocation of that privilege. • • So behavior, student discipline could lead to the privilege being taken away. • • • Academic performance. You know, we have standards, • • and of course, sometimes a, uh, student's academic performance • is not related to their effort, but it's related to some sort of learning difference or exceptionality that they have. And so we're going to provide all the support that they can. But if we have a capable student that's just not doing the work and is pulling down D's and F's, we're going to figure something out. We're going to put them on academic probation • • and possibly eventually • • • • remove them from our school if they're just not • fulfilling their responsibilities as a student. • • • • • And what about financial responsibility of the family? You know, families have to pay tuition, • • and so they have a responsibility to pay tuition. And if they just don't, if they just stop doing it, then they're no longer fulfilling their responsibility, • and then that privilege is going to be taken away. • • • And one last example is attendance. You know, you have an attendance policy. • Students can only miss a certain number of days. They can only be tardy a certain number of times. • And if a family, if a student is just blowing off school • • • • day after day, week after week. Then sooner or later you're going to take away the privilege of them attending your school. • And there are many, many more examples. So I'm just trying to frame, set the frame that work the mindset for you to start looking at, uh, students in your school and families in your school through the lens of • • the Attendance • is a privilege and not a right. Because I know that you're pretty clear on that. • But sometimes parents, • • • if they were once clear on that, they sure don't act like they're clear on it now in the moment, in the emotion, in the heat of the moment. • • •
Seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right
And so now we're going to talk about seven strategies to remind parents • that attendance is a privilege • • and not a right. • • Okay, I'm going toa give you all seven • • • and then we'll break them down one at a time. • • And seven is a lot. And as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes@the privateschoolader.com Episode 119. • • • And you can just listen and then if this is something that you feel like needs a little attention at your school, • • then you can check things out in the show notes. • • So the seven strategies. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. • • Number two, clear language in the family handbook. • • Number three, teach the kids. • • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • • • Number six, positive reinforcement. • • And number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. • • • • • • So number one is clear language and enrollment contracts. • • • • And so • • • if, if the language is not clear • • • • and maybe 95% or 99% of your enrollment contract is clear. • • But our enrollment contracts need to have a sentence or two that make it very clear • • • • • that attending the school is a privilege and not a right. • • And also typically to outline in general language • the circumstances under which that privilege could be revoked. And so just even a sentence about academic performance, behavior, • • um, failing to fulfill financial responsibility, • • • • so on and so forth, that you know, again, a statement in the enrollment contract that attending your school is a privilege, not a right. And what are the things that would trigger that privilege being taken away? • • • • Now here's the thing. • • • • • • • • • The enrollment contract • • • • is a thing that a parent looks at once a year, • • • and a lot of it is digital now. And they're going to check a little box on a Google form or something like that, • • • • and they'renna • go in for • • the biggest lie in the world. • • • So what's the biggest lie in the world? • • • • • Well, you've, you've done it and I've done it probably in the last week or Two, • • and it's, I have read the terms and conditions. Check, okay? The biggest lie in the world is I've read the terms and conditions. So if, if we want to be real, • we have to be real about the fact that not very many parents read the clear language in the enrollment contracts. And then also the challenge with that is that that was one moment in time during the entire school year. • • And so that's why number two is so important. And that's clear language in the family handbook. • Because if the enrollment contract is once a year, at least the family handbook is more accessible. • • • And I'm not trying to pretend that some parent is sitting around reading the family handbook for enjoyment by the fireside, you know, um, on a Tuesday night. • • That's not what we do. That's not what they do. • • • • But it is more accessible. • Sometimes it lives on your website. Um, it's something that many schools, • • um, • • not only do they have a parent sign • • • the enrollment contract, but they also have them click a box or sign something to say, yes, I've read the handbook. • And honestly, if you don't do that, I would encourage that you start that, uh, perhaps next school year where there's some, um, acknowledgement that the parent has read. Um, • • we're not saying they agree with everything in the handbook, but just acknowledgement that they'received and read • the family handbook. And so, • • um, you know, and also I think family handbooks are just perceived as more relevant and more present, • • um, • more day to day because they talk about things that are happening daily day to day in our schools as opposed to kind of this one time thing in our • family handbook. And I'm going to give some examples of some clear language • • in the show notes. • • Um, um, and I use chat GPT to generate, I think it's 10, • um, • statements • and they're all fairly similar. But it could give you some ideas because I know some of you are thinking, okay, number one, number two, clear language and enrollment contracts and clear language in the family handbook. Well, what, what does that even look like? • • Well, like I said, I use CHAT GPT and I came up with examples and put them in a Google Doc. And I've linked that for you in the show notes@the privategider.com episode 119. And so you can check that out and just, you know, see, is this something that needs to be added or needs to be revised • • in our • • family handbook or in our enrollment contract? • •
Teaching kids about privilege and responsibility is part of being a good leader
Okay, so that brings us to number three, which is teach the kids. • • • So over my 33 years as a private school Leader. I've had hundreds, maybe even thousands of conversations with students, • • and many of those conversations • • have to do with • • something that the kid did • • and talking about the consequence and why did you do that? And how can we repair this relationship? And things like that. • • • But one of the conversations that is probably one that I've had the most often • • is even if I'm being proactive and it's a kid that I see that's kind of going down the wrong path and • • • • • starting to get in trouble, or if it's a kid that's been in trouble, and I'm really trying to put a stop to that, is I talk about the two sides of the same coin, and I'll literally pull out a coin, and I'll be like, okay, • • this side of the coin is • • • a privilege. • So. And then I'll say, well, tell me what are some privileges? And they'll be like, well, • • um, • • • • • you know, playing on the basketball team or • • • being in the spring musical. They usually don't say going to school here, you know, because that doesn't cross their mind. And that's part of the reason that we're teaching the kids. But they'll name some privileges or. And I'll say, well, name a privilege outside of school, you know, and they'll be like, okay, • um, playing my Xbox or something like that. Okay. And then I'll say, okay, so on one side of the coin is privilege, and on the other side of the coin is responsibility. • • • And then I'll usually use that example that I used about, um, • • • • • • • • • the car and the police and the speeding tickets. And I'll be like, you know, as long as I fulfill my responsibility, • • I get to keep the privilege of having a driver's license. • • And then I apply it to them. And I'm like, look, • • you • • • • • have • • • privileges and responsibilities at this school, and I'll name some of the privileges for that kid in particular. • • And I'll say, but I want you to know those privileges can be taken away if you don't fulfill your responsibility. And then I'll mention a couple responsibilities. And sometimes it's a pep talk about academic performance. Usually it's a pep talk about behavior. And I'll just say, look, if you keep going down this path, um, • • you're not fulfilling your responsibility as a student, a good citizen in this school community. And then we're going to take away. We're going to start taking away privileges. • • And then depending on how far down the road we are, it might even be me talking about taking away the privilege of them being a Student in our school. I remember just in the past year I was, our school goes up to eighth grade and I was asking a seventh grader, do you want to be an eighth grader at our school? Because that is a privilege that could be taken away, that opportunity for you to be back next year. • • And so • • • • • I'm talking about something that I talk to kids about in my office. But this is something that we could talk about in advisory. • • We could talk about it during class. • • • Um, we certainly can remind kids in those one on one conversations • • where your teachers are reminding them about, you know, sports eligibility. Like you're on the soccer team, but do you want to, • • do you want to stay on the soccer team? Like this math grade, like we've got to get it together here. You've got to start turning in your homework. • • And most of the time what I've found is, is that when it comes to me feeling comfortable giving this conversation, having this conversation, • • it's usually something that's in the kids control, • • you know, and my point is, is that it's an effort issue with the academics or it's a, the choice issue when it comes to the behavior. Um, there are always outliers where the kid just needs support, whether it's an IEP or um, a behavior plan or whatever. But you know, most of the time when I think that this • • • conversation about privilege and responsibility • • is applicable and appropriate is when it's within the child's ability level, • • • • it's within the child's control to make things better. Okay? So of course we have to support our students who are unable to do that. And so we know that like poor behavior and poor grades mean that privileges are taken away. And I'm not saying that we harp on that all the time, but that should be something that is known in our school, that's known by our students and that is clear and that the connection is clear. • • • And the reason that I'm kind of harping on this is because there are more and more kids now where this is not something that's taught at their home. • • • Um, they don't know that because maybe they can do whatever and their privileges aren't taken away. And so we have a responsibility, regardless of the parenting that's happening at home, is to teach the kids • • • • • • • this truth, this concept, because it's. And so those teachable moments. And then one last thing on teaching the kids, • • • • it could be in your social studies or civics or government class • • that you know rights, as far as, you know the Constitution • • and the difference between rights and privileges • and then, you know, applying that to school. So hopefully you get what I'm going for here is that, you know, I know the title of this episode is Reminding the parents • • that attendance at school is a privilege and not a right. • But we can also remind the kids of this and teach the kids. And I've seen this to be something that in many cases has, uh, • been a game changer, these kinds of conversations. • • •
Number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators
Okay, that brings us to number four. And number four is common language among the faculty and the administrators. So we're going to use common language. And so, for example, • • • at our school, we used. • • • We continue to use, • • um, growth mindset, common language. So, for instance, putting the word yet at the end of a sentence. I don't know, I'm not good at math, comma, yet. I have no idea how to play soccer yet. • • Um, so the power of yet, um. We don't praise intelligence. We praise effort and stamina. We celebrate mistakes. We say things like, failure is not a permanent condition. So there's a lot of common language around growth mindset • at the school, • • • • • • • • but we can also have • common language • • when it comes to some of the things that we say • • • • • and some of the things that are part of our • • vocabulary, just part of the circulatory system of our school. • • And I'm going to give you a couple of examples. • • • • And again, I've linked these in the show notes. Uh, assist. An assist from ChatGPT here as well. • • And this language is going to sound a little stiff, • • but I want you to more or less just get the idea that, you know, just like with growth mindset, if you have shared language, • if there are some things • • that are shared language among your faculty and your administrators, it can become very powerful because it's like a broken record. And. And that broken record then just starts to really sink in to the • • minds and hearts of the kids. But you're also going to use this common language when you're communicating with parents. So let me just give you a couple here. • • • Um, again, it's going to sound stiff, but you'll get the idea. So, quote, we are honored to have you here, • but it's important to remember that being part of the school community is a privilege that you earn every day. • Okay. Earn it every day. • • • So another one is, attendance at our school is a privilege given to students who uphold our values, meet our academic standards, and contribute positively to our community. • • • Not a big fan of that one, but then there's this one. This school provides you with opportunities to grow and succeed, but it's important to Remember that maintaining your place here is contingent on your actions and your commitment. And so, again, I'm not a fan of that one • • tremendously either. I kind of like the first one more. • But what I'm going for here is that just to get you thinking, • • um, and again, I've got 10 of those in the show notes • • just to stimulate your thinking about, well, what would be something that could be on a poster? What could be something that could just be. • That is like our go to phrase, • • um, earn it every day, you know, whatever the case might be. • • We're trying to do that broken record that's going to get them, • • the students and the parents • remembering • • • that attendance at your school is a privilege and not a right. • •
Number five is giving honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for good behavior
And then that brings us to number five, which is honest feedback. And I really believe that students and parents should always know where they stand, that we should hold them accountable. • • And • • that's it. You know, that's teachers at parent teacher conferences because we know that sometimes • they pull their punches because they're worried that you're not going to have your back or they're afraid of the parents. • • But • • • • • if we just give them • • positive feedback all the time to the kids and to the parents, everything's great, everything's wonderful, there's no problem, blah, blah, blah, then it'snna be impossible for us to hold them accountable. • And it almost becomes that if we don't give honest feedback, it almost becomes a right for them to be in the school because it's not something that we're ever going to take away. • • And so my point is, is that I'm not saying that's easy to give honest feedback to an upset parent, but I'm saying it's necessary and it's actually our responsibility to do right by the child to give accurate • feedback. • • • And we need to remind our teachers two things. • And the first and most important thing is, is that you actually have their backs. And then to actually do that, • • because if you have their backs • • • and there's, there's, um, evidence of that, then they're going to have more confidence to give accurate feedback to the parents. • • And, you know, this, this. And then also. So first is to actually have their backs, and then the second thing is to remind teachers that accurate feedback • • really benefits the child. • • • And that's the most important thing. And so • • • if we want • • • to be able to, • • quote, unquote, enforce this idea of • • the privilege of attendance, that it's, you know, fulfill your responsibility • • and you get to keep the privilege, well, then we need to give honest feedback about how well, they're doing with keeping the responsibilities academically and behaviorally and social, um, • • social and emotionally. And if we're not doing that, then we're going toa be stuck. • • • • It's just like never giving feedback to a teacher, • • • never observing them, never, you know, documenting everything. And then you're like, ugh, you know, this teacher doesn't belong here. I really need to coach them out or counsel them out or terminate them. But then you, we don't do it because we didn't, um, • give them the honest feedback. • So • • number five, honest feedback. And number six is positive reinforcement for the good behavior. So we want to shine a spotlight • on the good, um, on the people who are fulfilling their responsibilities in a great way. And so, • • • • • you know, the, that could be, you know, quote unquote, catching them being good in second grade. It could be, you know, • • • • a certificate given in front of the whole school assembly. • • Um, it could be your weekly parent memo that there's a little, • • occasionally there's, there's a spotlight that's being shown on the kids who are really crushing it, • um, and whatever the case might be. • • But if we want to, • • • • • • • if we want to encourage all students to fulfill their responsibility, • • then we need to make it desirable and cool and awesome • • • • • for the kids who are fulfilling their responsibility. • • • • Because you and I both know that sometimes in schools like the ones who are crushing it behaviorally and academically, they're looked at as the outliers or the non cool kids or the whatever. And there's always going to be a component of that. But I think that we have a responsibility • • to give these kids • • the props that they deserve. And so that could also be in one on one conversations. And I'm sure your teachers do that a lot. I'm sure you as a leader even do that sometimes. By the way, it means more coming from you as a leader than it does coming from a teacher.
Number seven is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity on school discipline
And that brings us to number seven • • on our list of how • • these strategies of how we're going to help our remind our teachers • • that • attendance at our school is a privilege and not a right. Number seven is to follow through consistently • with courage and integrity. • And I would say that this is the hardest thing to do on this list. • • We have to hold the students accountable. We have to communicate this consistently with courage and integrity to the parents. • • And when it comes to suspending a kid, • • man, sometimes • • it's just that that good kid who never does anything, but then they made that poor choice. • • And it's very clear in the handbook that the thing that they did that they need to be suspended for a couple of days. • • And, um, I can remember years ago, • • • • • • one of the hardest things I had to do was I had a board member. • • • • • Um, his son was a captain of the basketball team. He was a senior, and it was senior recognition night, • • and I had to suspend him. And not only from school, but also to not be at that game, to be recognized as a senior captain of the basketball team. • • • • • But because it was so clear what had happened. If I hadn't done that, then • • • • my integrity would have been damaged. And so I'm not saying it's easy, especially when we're talking to • • a big donor or an influential family or the family with five kids that's been in the school forever, or the parent of, um, the parent is a teacher and they have a kid at your school. Like, sometimes it's really, really hard to be consistent and to use courage and to use integrity and to follow through. But if we really want to be consistent about this idea of attendance as a privilege, • • not a right, • • we have to hold them accountable. • • And our integrity, of course, is just asking ourselves, what is the right thing to do in this situation. • • • And I would also encourage you, because I learned this the hard way is don't overcomplicate it. • • You know, the more you think about it, the more you take your time, the more you pray about it, the more that you delay, the harder it is. • • If the kid did the thing, the thing is clear in the handbook, then the consequence needs to take place. • • And, um, I'm telling you, I know that's easier said than done. Um, • I've been there. I understand that. But if we really want kids and parents to realize • • that • • accountability, • • • • • • we, uh, want to hold them accountable, and we want to remind them that • it's a privilege to be here, and you can keep the privilege as long as you fulfill your responsibilities. • • When they're not fulfilling the responsibilities, then we need to do the thing. We need to enforce the consequence. We need to take away that privilege, even if it's temporarily. And that could be • • • • • • • on a big Friday night football game when the star of the team isn't playing because of the D in science class. You know, it could be • • that, you know, we're in tech week for the spring musical, and the lead, um, isn't at rehearsal. • • • • • • • Those make me cringe just thinking about it. But, • • • you know, integrity is not circumstantial. Integrity is something that we are trying to do the right thing in every situation. • • • • And so we just need to, as hard as it is to follow through consistently with courage and integrity.
Mark Menkus shares seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege
And so our big takeaways, • • • we're talking about the seven strategies to remind parents that attendance is a privilege and not a right. Number one, clear language and enrollment contracts. Number two, • • clear language in the family handbook. Number three, teach the kids. • Number four, use common language. Number five, give honest feedback. • Six, positive reinforcement for those, um, fulfilling • • • • their responsibilities. And then number seven, follow through consistently with courage and integrity. And I like to end every episode with, uh, a call to action and just ask you to take a look at your family handbook and decide if it needs some attention with regards to a privilege of attendance type statement. • And remember that I've got examples for you in the show notes at the privateg leader.com • • • episode 119. • • And then just a quick reminder, um, • • about Parent Academy. It's an online digital course. It's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. • And the best part is, is that after I teach you the step by step framework, I will then teach your teachers. • • Because Parent Academy also comes with two 45 minute webinar trainings that are plug and play PDs. • • There's a 27 page printable workbook for your teachers with guided notes and discussion questions and additional teacher resources. And again, you can check that out@the privatescluter.com ParentAcademy and then one last free resource for you. Again, another way of saying thank you for listening. And that is a PDF called the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. • • And we know that litigation is expensive and time consuming and extremely stressful. • • • And this is a common sense guide that will help you be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. And so you can grab this at the privatechool leader.com lawsuit. That's the top six ways to protect your school from a lawsuit. Just head over to the privatehoolleader.com lawsuit to download that. • And then just one, • • uh, • • one quick request, a favor that I would ask of you. And that is if you've ever gotten value from any • • nugget strategy, anything from any episode. • • • I'd love for you right now to think about another leader in your life • • • and to, uh, send them the link to this podcast • • • and then also to think about someone at your school that just is showing potential as a rising leader, perhaps a future leader in private school education • • • • and send them the link to the podcast. • • • • If you would do that, I would be so appreciative and I just want to thank you so much for being here. I've been your host. Mark Menkus. I appreciate you. I appreciate all the hard work that you're doing at your school, and thank you for taking some, uh, time out of your week to join me here today. And I'll see you next time right here on the Private Schoolal Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 118: What To Do When The Parent Group Chat Becomes A Problem
18 jan· The Private School Leader Podcast
Technology is absolutely amazing.
Smartphones, internet, facial recognition software, AI, self-driving cars, artificial hearts, 3D printers, robots, GPS, wearable devices, the cloud and virtual reality have helped change our lives for the better.
We also know that technology comes with its share of challenges.
A parent group chat on WhatsApp, Facebook or a Smartphone can be an awesome place for sharing information about school events, giving reminders about spirit week and communicating changes to the time that the basketball team will be getting back to the school.
But, these chat groups can also go down the wrong path and quickly devolve into teacher-bashing, judging parenting styles and critiques of the 4th Grade Math curriculum.
On today’s episode of The Private School Leader Podcast, we are going to discuss What To Do When The Parent Group Chat Becomes A Problem.
I hope that you will listen to the podcast for your weekly dose of motivation, inspiration and PD. Thanks so much for listening and thanks for making a difference!
Mark Minkus
Is it just me or are the parents at our schools getting more demanding and more intense, more often? Dealing with parents is part of the job as we lead our private schools, but it can quickly lead to stress, anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
That’s why I created Parent Academy! Now you have a step by step framework that will help you go from feeling stressed and anxious to feeling confident and calm. Over the last 33 years, I have built successful relationships with thousands of parents and I have packaged that knowledge into an online course. Not only that, but after I teach you, I am going to teach your teachers these strategies as well! Parent Academy contains two, 45-minute webinars that are Teacher PD’s with a printable notebook, guided notes and discussion questions. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parentacademy to learn more!
What is your biggest problem right now? I want to hear more about your biggest problem and I want to help you solve it.
Whether your problem is feeling guilty that your family gets what’s left of you at the end of the day, relentless parents, difficult teachers, a lack of boundaries between work and school, feeling overwhelmed, Imposter Syndrome, enrollment or teacher morale, I can help
I would love to hear more about your biggest problem and I would love to be your coach. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/coaching to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.
Being a private school leader is a VERY difficult job. You have to make hundreds of decisions every day, and you have to keep everyone safe, increase enrollment, keep the parents happy, keep the board happy, motivate the teachers, deal with student discipline, beat last year’s test scores and come in under budget.
That can lead to you feeling tired, discouraged and stressed out. I’ve been there. That’s why I created THRIVE Academy just for you. THRIVE Academy is a digital course that will help you get out of survival mode and get back to feeling energized at school. To learn more, go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/thrive
I am excited to share with you a new resource and I want to give this to you as a FREE GIFT to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. It is called The 7 Secrets To Improving Teacher Morale. As private school leaders, we are always looking for ways to improve teacher morale at our schools, but it is hard to know where to start. Well, now you have a step by step plan and you can grab it at theprivateschoolleader.com/morale
I want to give you a FREE gift called 7 Strategies To Effectively Deal With Difficult Teachers. Sometimes we need some courage and confidence to deal with difficult teachers. What you need is a plan! This guide is a step by step plan that you can use to help one of your difficult teachers improve their performance and improve their attitude. Go to theprivateschoolleader.com/difficult to grab this free guide!
I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. You can pick up your free guide by going to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/guide
I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. Go to www.theprivateschoolleader.com/parents to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!
Please check out all of the free resources on my website that can help you serve and lead your school community. There are "Plug & Play PD's" (45 minute webinars with guided notes) as well as Top 10 Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books and TED Talks over at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/resources. You can grab the show notes for today's episode at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/episode118
Please write a review of this podcast and help the algorithm push this content out to more leaders. I would love to get your feedback about the podcast, ideas for future episodes and hear about how you are implementing these strategies in your life and at your school. You can email me at [email protected] Thanks!!
I’ve created a FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can grab “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/lawsuit. Thanks!
I am excited to share a brand new resource with you. It is a 9 page pdf called: “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” What is “Verbal Judo”? "Verbal Judo" is a communication strategy that focuses on using words effectively to de-escalate conflict, resolve disputes, and achieve positive outcomes in various interpersonal interactions, particularly in high-pressure situations.

George Thompson and Jerry Jenkins wrote a book called Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art Of Persuasion. So, I have taken several important strategies from the book and applied them to your life as a private school leader. Grab your free copy of “How To Use Verbal Judo To Have Better Conversations With The Parents At Your School” at www.theprivateschoolleader.com/judo
TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Private School Leader podcast, • where private school leaders learn how to thrive and not just survive as they serve and lead their schools. I strongly believe that it is possible to have a long and happy and fulfilling career as a private school leader. And my passion is to help you figure out exactly how to do just that right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And I'm your host, Mark Minkus. • • • So a couple of years ago at school, um, there was a sixth grader, • • and I think it was at lunchtime or recess, and they walked up to me and they said, Mr. Minkus, how old are you? • • And so I have a standard answer for that. And I said, I was born before man walked on the moon. • • • • And I got the desired reaction, um, you know, from their facial expression. And also they, of course, said, oh, you're so old. • And, you know, when you think about what happened on • • that July day in 1969, the fact that we could put a man on the moon, men on the moon, and return them safely to the earth with the technology that was available in 1969, it's just incredible. But what's even more amazing • is the technology that we have today. And much of it just really took off, um, in the last 10 years, last 15 years. And I'm talking about smartphones and the Internet, • facial recognition software, • • artificial intelligence, self driving cars, • • 3D printers, robots, GPS, artificial hearts, wearable • • technology, the cloud, virtual reality, and the list goes on and on. And we've just become so used to it. • • • Technology is amazing, but technology also comes with its own set of challenges. And that's certainly true when parents at your school connect on WhatsApp and, you know, Mu'and dad's Facebook group or in a text group. • • And these groups can be awesome for sharing information about school events and reminders about spirit week and changes to the time that the basketball team will be getting back to the school from their away game. • • • • But these chat groups can also go down the wrong path and quickly • • devolve into teacher bashing and judging parenting styles and critiquing the fourth grade math curriculum. • • So on today's episode of the Private School Leader podcast, we are going to discuss what to do when the parent group chat becomes a problem. • • •
Parent Academy is an online framework for building effective relationships with parents
But before we jump into that, I'm really excited about something • • and I want to start, I want to tell you briefly about it, but I want to start by asking you a question. • • What's the name of the parent that's living rent free in your head? • • • • • • • What's the name of the parent that's Living rent free • in your head. • • • • And I want to tell you I've been there. • • I used to have parents living rent free in my head 24 7. And when I was in bed or at the dinner table or driving to work or even in the shower and I used to get super anxious and sick to my stomach just thinking about talking to certain parents. • • • Parent issues dominated every aspect of my work as a private school leader. And I was stressed out all the time and I didn't know what to do. I didn't have a plan. • And all I had was anxiety and fear and insecurity. • • And so that's why I created Parent Academy, because I want to give you a plan. • • And with Parent Academy, you will go from feeling anxious and stressed • about working with parents to feeling confident, calm and relaxed. • • • • Because Parent Academy is an online digital course • • that's your step by step framework • for building effective relationships with parents while reducing your stress and anxiety. And • I didn't even tell you the best part. • • After I teach you, then I teach your teachers at your school. • • • Uh, I created two 45 minute webinars • that take the content from Parent Academy • and then pack it, packaged it for your teachers. And they have a printable workbook and guided notes and discussion questions and teacher resources. And so I'm really excited about this new tool that I've built for you and I want you to check it out and you can go over to the privatescgler.com parentacademy to see more about how this can change everything and help that parent that's living rent free in your head. It's, you know, it's time for them to move out. We're going to help them move out. • • And then I also want to share a, uh, resource with you that's • nine page PDF called How to use Verbal Judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. • • • On today's episode, we're talking about parents • • and you know, you might be saying, well, what is verbal judo? Well, it's a communication strategy that focuses on using words • • • effectively to deesscalate conflict, resolve disputes • and achieve positive outcomes, • • • particularly in high stress or high pressure situations. • • And the author, George Thompson, uh, who wrote the book Verbal Judo the General Art of Persuasion. He's trained over 200,000 law enforcement officers in America • in Verbal Judo, the gentle art of persuasion. And so what I've done is I've read the book, I've taken strategies from the book and then applied them to you and your life as a private school leader so that you can have better Conversations • • with the parents at your school. And so you can check this out at, uh, the privatescooler.com judo that's a guide for you, how to use verbal judo to have better conversations with the parents at your school. The privatescsgluta.com • • • judo • • all right, so as I was preparing for this episode about the parent group chat, • • I gotta be honest, I got a new perspective • • on • parents and in particular the parent group chat. • • • And I want to just take a moment to talk about that. And then what we're going to do is get into some of the benefits of the group chat, some of the potential problems, and then I'm going to give you five do's and five don'ts when it comes to how you are handling the parent group chat when it becomes a problem. • • • So this new perspective that I'm talking about is • • first of all, empathy. • • And I have a lot of empathy towards, towards the parents and especially towards the moms. And I'll explain that in a moment. • • • • • But I want you to think about, let's say that there's a parent that has • a fifth grader and a seventh grader in your school. And so they're on the WhatsApp or group text • for those two grades, fifth grade and seventh grade. So that's one group. And then let's say that the fifth grader plays soccer and that the seventh grader plays basketball and is in the spring musical. • Well, there's probably group chats for all of those things. • • And then if there's, you know, 15 or 20 or 30 • people in the group in the grade group chat. And then there's, you know, less than that, but still a significant number in the, • • • um, • • individual group chats for the • • • soccer team or basketball team or the spring musical. • • And people are in there doing reminders and updates and asking questions and were we supposed to bring a snack and what time is the game? And just all of this stuff and then people are replying all • • • just inundated with a lot, • • • really. A ridiculous amount, a number of, um, messages. • • • And you know, when I was talking to different people, talking to, • um, former colleagues, talking to coaching clients, • even talking to some of my Thrive Academy students about this in preparation for the episode. I learned some things. And one of them is, is that this seems like something that is especially hard on the moms. • The moms take on the yeoman amount of work when it comes to the group chat. • • • And one, • • uh, colleague that had, uh, two children in a private school for many, many years referred to it as hidden work. And I really, that really resonated with me. Um, and what I think what she did mean by that was that, you know, there's work that parents do that's pretty visible, you know, running kids around to their practices and um, you know, all the different things that go on with what parents do with meals and errands and you know, • • • back to school shopping and whatever, everything. But there's hidden work and that is um, fall. This falls under that category with just so much time that's spent navigating that um, that group chat. And it can be stressful as well. And then the third thing that I got a new perspective on is just um, there's, there's fomo, you know, fear of missing out, there's comparison when it comes to money. Um, because you know, in those group texts, • um, there's going to be • • things that are happening where parents are, you know, not so much the Instagram thing of them going on a trip and posting a picture of their dessert, you know, with uh, • • the ocean waves in the background. I'm not really talking about that, but, um, just, you know, how often and high, how high quality, • um, you know, whether it's sports and it's training or it's um, you know, a musical and you know, a voice coach and just those kinds of things. There's some comparison when it comes to money, but then there's also some comparison when it comes to parenting and parenting styles. • And so, you know, I used to just have a, um, one • • big, broad brush stroke, one size fits all attitude about parent group chats. • But I have a little bit of a different perspective now. And so I want to get into talking about some of the benefits, • • some of the potential problems with the group chat. And then like I said, this, you know, that this uh, podcast, we try to really get tactical, ah, with strategies. So I'm going to give you five dues and five don'ts.
Group chats form a sense of community and we know people are craving connection
So first of all, what are some of the benefits • • • • • • of a WhatsApp group group text, a Facebook Mums and dads Facebook group where people can post? Well, first of all, it forms a sense of community and we know that people are craving connection • • and that even though social media and these devices that I referred to earlier, that they, you know, tend to make us accessible and uh, we can contact someone all the, um, on the other side of the world. • • • The research would show that we feel less connected than ever. Um, and so we're craving connection. • And you form this little tribe, this little, for this little community of the, the parents of the Kids in the um, in the music or the parents of the kids that are on student council that are getting ready to go to this um, you know, leadership conference or those kinds of things. So that's the first thing. Second thing is instant communication for time sensitive updates can happen in the group chat. And so, you know, like I said at the top, for example, you know, the basketball team'coming back from uh, • • um, an away game, um, and two of the games went into overtime and so they're getting back later than they thought and so boom. The ad, • • • the basketball coach can put that message out to the parents, um, about that. • And then the third thing is, is that parents can actually support each other through the group chat. So for example, carpool help. Someone has a late meeting at work and they can't pick up • • • • their child after, you know, um, chess club or after, you know, swimming practice • • and just puts it out into the, the group chat. Hey, could someone pick up, um, you know, Amanda and drop her off? And so, you know, the help, um, perhaps tutor recommendations, • • • um, • • • you know, meals • • provided from others in the group chat when someone's having surgery or maybe um, • a mom just had a, um, • brand new baby, um, you know, and is recovering, um, you know, those kinds of things where parents can actually support each other by knowing about the need. And it's sort of a clearing house of, you know, people who can help people. That's a group chat at its best. • • • Um, it's easier to coordinate for events and volunteers. So you know, let's say it's organizing volunteers for the field trips or the bake sales, • • um, you know, fundraisers. • Um, • parents can discuss, you know, who's bringing what or if there's last minute things, • • • • if there's a need for more volunteers, so can do that. And then, um, two more • • • benefits to the group chat • • • reminders. Um, • • • so upcoming school events, • • • • • parent, um, • • teacher conferences, the deadlines coming up to sign up for those. • • Um, spirit week is next week and you know, maybe the parent has to go out and pick up a couple things over the weekend or at least have that conversation with their child. • Um, you know, and so this kind of informal communication • • • can actually serve as a useful like complimetary • way of communicating with the, um, complimentary to the official school announcements. And we'll talk about that more in a moment. • • • Um, • and then casual conversations. You know, we're just kind of craving those • • • • connections again. So that can happen. So that's the group chat at its best.
Sometimes a simple message can be misinterpreted, leading to conflict or panic
Okay, but then let's talk about some of the potential Problems of the parent group chat. • • So excessive information overload. And I mentioned that before. • • Um, I read an article • • • • about a mom who was on • a group chat for her daughter's grade. I think the child was in third grade, • • and she was away from her phone for about a half an hour. • • And she came back and there were 154 messages on the WhatsApp group for third grade. And she thought that there was like, an emergency at the school, but it was just some, um, • • • you know, thing at school. • Um, • • • • let's say it was spirit week and everybody was replying all, and everyone was chiming in about this or that or posting a link to this cool costume on Amazon or whatever. And, you know, so excessive information overload, it really becomes overwhelming. • Um, another problem with WhatsApp or, or, um, group text or a Facebook moms and dads group is a lot of miscommunication. • • Um, and so sometimes • • • a simple message can be misinterpreted, • • leading to conflict or even worse, panic. • • Um, you know, the school • • works really hard to try to make sure that the information that comes out is accurate and timely. But then when the parents get involved on the WhatsApp, did you hear, can you believe or saying that, well, we need to go pick up our kids because it's snowing and blah, blah, blah. But the school hasn't even said that yet. So miscommunication. And then also there can be misinterpretation. • • And you know how texts lack context. • • They lack facial expression because it's not in person. They lack emotional cues. And so how many times have we misinterpreted a text • • as, • • • oh, well, this sounds kind of mean. Um, and so again, these messages in the, ah, group chat can lead to not only miscommunication, but also like an overreaction or an underreaction, just misinterpreting it because there's no emotional • cues or tone of voice or body language or volume or tone • attached to a text. • • Um, • a couple more that are potential problems with the, uh, • um, group chat. And then we'll get into the strategies. One is an exclusion of some of the parents. • And so if it's inadvertently, • • • that exclusion hurts. But if a parent is intentionally excluded, that hurts even more. • • And so this just, you know, hurt feelings. And, you know, parents then flash back to, Honestly, they flash back to kind of a traumatic experience of being excluded in the lunchroom when they were in middle school, for example, or being left out of a social event when they were in, you know, ninth grade. So just, we all know what it feels like to be left out and • inadvertently or on purpose, um, this happens and it hurts. And then there's parent to parent conflict. You know, that, • • • uh, if there's parents in a group chat, they're not all going to agree about opinions • • • about school policies or just, you know, a decision on whether to delay or cancel school because of the snow. And everyone's going to have an opinion. So. And then if someone has a strong opinion and another parent decides to, you know, go up against that parent, then there's all kinds of conflict. And then the final one, and this is one that is probably top of mind for you, is when there's negative talk • about teachers or staff. • • Um, you know, so parents get frustrated about the school. Their kid comes home and is complaining about the homework, and then the person is blown up. The chat with, we have too much homework. And, you know, they use it as a form to vent. And then that can spiral into gossip and complaints and false rumors and hurtful things that are said. • • And, you know, I have a coaching client who told me about one parent that was upset at their school about the third grade teacher. Now, not all the parents of that in that WhatsApp group were upset about the third grade teacher, but this parent kind of like quotquote, recruited other parents by, you know, messaging them and is like, was your child experiencing this too? Or does your child think that Mr. Miller is mean and just kind of like recruiting information • • and then stirring things up on the group chat? So, um, that is something that is really challenging, and that's probably the first thing that comes to mind when you're thinking about when a group chat starts to become a problem. • • So again, on this podcast, we're all about taking action. And so I'm going to give you 10 strategies, and those are divided into five do's and five don'ts when it comes to the parent group chat. • Okay. • • Do • • keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. • • Do keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. So, • • you know, there are complex • • human interactions. Even if they're happening in person • and when they're happening online, that's going to be even more the case. And there's a lot of immaturity out there. • • • • Um, we know that hiding behind the technology • • will • make people say things they wouldn't say to your face. • • Um, um, they can kind of hide behind that and not bring the problem to your attention. And let's face it, as school leaders, the criticism hurts. • • And that's why we have to put on that suit of armor. I've talked about that before where parent criticism, they're like arrows. • And • • • I think that too many school leaders are letting those arrows penetrate the skin. • And I see that in my head as you, uh, um, internalizing the emotion of the parent criticism. • • • • But if you have your suit of armor on, it will ding it and it will make a loud noise and probably even put a dent in the armor. And you're going to feel it and you're going to notice and hear the criticism, but you're not going to internalize • • the emotion of it. • And so keeping your emotions in check when things are going on that are problematic on the group chat is super important because, • • you know, if we're not keeping our emotions in check, then we're overreacting and we're doing things impulsively. And that usually doesn't work out very well for school leaders. • • And then I also think that a parent • gets the right to give real criticism. It. When that. It's. It's not, it's. Let me, let me rephrase that. I think that, um, the right to give real criticism is earned. Okay? And what I mean by that is, is that I don't think it's • • valid, real criticism if it's in the parent group chat to each other. I think that valid, real criticism is earned. When a parent picks up the phone or sends you an email and says, hey, can we talk? • • So I'll talk a little later about, like us jumping to, you know, • • what, what we do when we hear about that criticism, that was not a phone call or an email, but it was blowing up in the WhatsApp group. But the bottom line is, do keep your emotions in check and maintain a healthy perspective. • • And so before I get into the don't, um, I just want to remind you, you know, if I'm giving you five do's and five don'ts, that's a lot, especially if you're multitasking, which I always encourage you to do. But as usual, I'll take good care of you in the show notes. And those are@the privatescoolider.com Episode 11 18. • And you will have all of that right there for you.
Don't try to police the group chat. It's not going to work
Okay? Don't try to police the group chat. Don't try to police the group chat. If someone's sending you screenshots, • • • • it has to be pretty bad for you to pick up the phone and do something about it. So let me explain what I mean. There will be parents, there will be employees, there will be parents who are, uh, there will be Teachers who are parents at your school, • • • and they'll be in the group chat and they will see stuff and then they will screenshot it and email it to you. So couple things. • • • Don't let the tail wag the dog. So if the, you know, if, if the tail is the group chat and you're the dog, don't let the group chat just have you all over the place emotionally and trying to police it and trying to get in there and you, you know, change stuff and we'll talk about that more in a moment. It's a fool's errand. It's not going to work. • • Um, and so I think that it has to be pretty bad for you to reach out to that parent. And sometimes the stuff is pretty bad and sometimes it does require you pick up the phone and reaching out to the parent. But the first step is for you to strongly encourage the person who sent the screenshot • • • to, in turn, strongly encourage that parent to reach out to you. So let me say that again. The person who sent you the screenshot, • • you're going to strongly encourage that parent to reach out to you. And that parent can also remind them, hey, you know, I'll just use my own name. Like, listen, Mark's a good listener. Like, he's good at handling stuff. You should, you should talk to Mark. Okay, and so is that always going to work? No, but then you have to weigh the cost of the witch hunt. • And so • • if I'm reaching out to a parent • • • about a screenshot that I received, • • then they're going to go all in on trying to figure out who • • • • was the person that, you know, snitched who turned them in. • Um, and then there's going to be probably, • • • • um, • • a, ah, social cost, a negative social cost to the person who did that. Now I don't want to get into bullying behavior and, and punishing the victim and ignoring the victim. You know this, • • • it's very complex. But I'm just trying to give you some general guidelines. And then there's always going to be exceptions. And I would say that the only exception to this is that, uh, I haven't mentioned this yet, but some schools have a school sponsored school, controlled school, supervised chat group. • • And so, you know, there's a wide range of names out there. I'm not goingna get into all of them. But if this chat group is something that the school sponsored, that the school initiated, that the school populated with all the phone numbers of everybody, and that the school has some sort of control or supervision • • aspect to it, well, then that's a whole different story. But most of the time that's not the case in my experience. So, um, again, • • my advice is don't try to police it • • because you're not going to be successful.
Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity in WhatsApp group
Okay? The next Do. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. • • Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. And I think that this is a proactive conversation • • • • • maybe at the beginning of the school year or the month before the school year starts. • • • • • And, you know, maybe there's a couple of parents in each grade that you think of. And, um, I'm sure this is true about you. If I asked you to stop and, you know, pick a certain grade • • and to think about who are the ambassadors, who are the most positive parents, who are the ones who love the school, who are the ones who, you know, also have a little bit of backbone. • • Um, and you're not asking them to do your dirty work for you. • You're just having a brief conversation about, hey, I just appreciate how much you love this school and how positive you are and how you're always there when we need you and so on and so forth. And I'm not asking you to be a spy. I'm not asking you to send me stuff. I'm just asking that if, you know, stuff were to come up in the • • chat group that you could, um, you know, push back a little and not even necessarily disagree with the stuff that the person said, but to accentuate something positive because, you know, you don't want to put them, set them up for a fall. You don't want to set them up for, you know, a battle with the nastiest parent in the WhatsApp group. • • But I do think it's a worthwhile endeavor to have a • • proactive conversation with one or two • • parents who are, you know, immediately come to mind when you think of positive • • ambassador type parents and they can combat the negativity in the group chat. And if you're asking them, hey, you know, if you wouldn't mind, that would really help out the school a lot. But be really clear with them that you don't want them reporting to you, okay, this is not what this conversation'about it's just like you're sort of like you're winding up a toy. Um, the shows my Age, you know, you're winding up a toy and then you're just putting it down and you're walking away and the toy kind of, you know, wanders, walks off in the other direction. You don't want this to be • • a constant Back and forth reporting. You're just having an initial conversation and then you're just trusting that they're going to try to • • do, um, their best without compromising their social role, social capital or for that matter their kids, • • um, role or social capital by, you know, how they behave in • WhatsApp group. So hopefully that makes sense. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity, but you're not planting spies in the chat group. Okay? • Don't try to shame or call out individual parents. Don't try to shame out shame or call out individual parents. • • You're going to get a lot of resentment and bitterness and retaliation and witch hunts and it isn't going to stop the behavior anyways. They will just start a new group, a new, a new chat group. And so I'll give you another example. I, um, was talking to a coaching client a few weeks ago • • and um, that • • • a, ah, principal of a school • and someone had sent the principal, • someone from the chat group had sent the principal • • a couple screenshots. • And so then the nastiest person in the group, • who, of course the screenshots were about them, um, • because the principal had reached out, then they, you know, went on this mission to try to figure out who. But at the same time then they guessed who they thought it was and they created another group. • • So this is the second group now of parents thinking they excluded the parent who had sent it in the first place. • Well then they came to find out that • • • they had included that parent in the second group and so they made a third group. Now we've got three different chat groups • • for this same group of people, whether it was a grade or a sport or whatever it was. And so my point is this. • • If you try to call out • • shame • • • individual parents, • • • • • it's probably not going to go well. Okay? And there's always an exception. Sometimes if there's something that is • • • just so ridiculous and so hurtful and so problematic and it comes to your attention, you'renna deal with it. You're gonna have to deal with it. And you're like, well, Mark, how am I supposed to know the difference? I would just say that I trust that you have good instincts and you have wisdom • • and that, • • um, you are • • trying to. • • Here's what I'm getting at. I think that you will know. I think that in your gut you will know. • This falls into the category, but I would say • • overarching statement that that category needs to be on the small side and not on the big side. So we're talking about outlier behavior. When it comes to nastiness or attacks or criticism or • mischaracterizations or character assassination of, you know, an employee. • Um, • • again, I said this earlier. I just think it's going to be rare when you're going to take that step. I'm not saying you won't, but I'm saying that you will have that gut feeling from time to time. And here's the thing, if you just want to run it past me, then shoot me an [email protected] and I'll try to, • you know, bounce. We can bounce some things off of each other. • Um, okay. Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. • So, you know, take a look at your handbook. Many handbooks do have • • respectful • • ah, communication guidelines, • • um, in them that the parents are agreeing to. • • • • And whether they sign the handbook or don't. You know, there should be language somewhere when your handbook goes out that you know you as a parent by having your child enrolled in the school or agreeing to everything in this handbook. • • • And so if it needs some work or if it doesn't exist, • um, I'm a big fan of Chat GPT and um, you can enter, just enter a bunch of stuff in that little box that you're looking for and ask, um, Chat GPT to spit out a policy for respectful communication among parents. • • Um, you know, especially with regards to a chat group. And I don't ever recommend copying and pasting stuff that Chat GPT spits out. But it's going to be ah, um, you know, a starter for you. It's going to be things that will get you going in the right direction with writing your own policy and then making sure that it gets out there. Okay, just a few more. • • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. So you have, and I had, • • • every school has • • parents who work at the, uh, teachers who work at the school that are also parents of children in the school. And so then logically these • • • parents, • • • teachers are going to be in the group chats • • and then people are behaving poorly, they're saying stuff • • and then they're coming to you. As the principal, • • • • • • you don't want to encourage that behavior. The way to encourage that behavior is to be like, okay, thanks. And then you jump in there and you just like get involved in your neck deep in this group chat. • • • I would recommend that when they bring stuff to you, you thank them • • but you explain to that teacher • • that if you react to everything that you're going to be feeding the beast, • • • it's going to cause the witch hunt and the, • • you know, the second and the third • group chat group to be formed and you know all of the different things • but also you can.
Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to you
And uh, I'm going to get into the next do right now. It goes with this one. Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to talk to you. So this is part one, part two of this little don't this do and don't. • So you don't want to encourage them to give you these reports all the time. • • • • • You don't want that. Okay. • However, if they do, • • if they do come to you with something and it seems like kind of on the big side, • um, strongly encourage that teacher. Parent to strongly encourage the upset parent to reach out to you. And I said it once before and I'll say it again, you know that teacher probably has a good working relationship with you, probably agrees that you're a good listener and that you handle problems pretty well. • And so again they just need to be saying like you need to talk to Mark, um, • you know, fill in your name there. You need to email, um, Mark need • • • • • and you need to talk. He's really good or she's really good at solving problems and just really encourage them. So again these two go together with the teacher that's uh, • uh, also a parent. You don't want them to be • coming to you with everything. And when they do come to you with stuff you want to refer them back to • strongly encouraging the upset parent to reach out to you. Okay, just a couple more. • • • Don't try to ban the group chat or people from the group chat. First of all, that's impossible. • • And again the only exception is that if this is a school sponsored • • • school controlled school, supervised chat group and I actually don't recommend that, but if that's already what you have, • • um, it just seems like a, • • • • • just seems impossible to me. So again I'm just going to say it and then we'll move on. Don't try to ban the group chat or ban people from the group chat. • Um, it's not going to work. There's going to be more negatives that come out of that than positives. • • Do encourage parents • • to refer to official communications from the school. • • Do encourage parents • to refer to official communications from the school. Now here's where you really can get your hands dirty and • • actually make a difference with what's going on in that group chat is, is that your school has to really raise their game • • • • • when it comes to a one stop shop for parent information that is super reliable and super accurate and is updated in real time. Because • • when things coming out of your school in emails or in the parent memo or whatever are like • • • inaccurate like even 20% of the time, • then the parents are going toa rely on each other and they're not going to see the school communications is reliable. The more and more and more that the school • is very, very reliable and timely and on top of their game when it comes to • • accurate information, • • then there's a large group of parents within that parent group chat that hate the parent group chat. They don't want to be involved, they don't want to read all of those things. Okay, • • • that's the thing. One of the main things that I learned in preparing for this episode is that the vast majority of parents, they hate the group chat. They don't even want to be part of it. It reminds them of the lunch table when they were in seventh grade. • • They don't want to be part of it. And so • • what can you do? I strongly recommend that every private school has a weekly parent memo, whatever it is that you want to call it. Um, at our school, um, we sent it out at • • Friday, um, • • at 9am Whenever you send it out it needs to be on the same day at the same time. So it becomes very predictable and very • • um, much ingrained in the parent mind that this is going to um, come • • to them at that day, on that day, at that time. • • • And then you're just going • • all out to make sure that this is accurate. You're going to have a link to the sports schedules and practices and make sure your ad has that all squared away and that those are, you know, let's say linked Google Docs so that the ad can change them. But if there's a significant change of course that information is going out. The bottom line is this. If the better your official communications are from the school • and the less that it is a scavenger hunt through their email to find the information. And I mean by that • • one email a week, that weekly parent memo that's going to have everything. I'm not saying you only send one email a week to your parents. I'm saying • that email in my opinion is probably the most important • • • piece of communication • • that you're sending. And if it's accurate and it's really good, I don't mean it has to look like it's, you know, something • slick from um, you know, a media company or from a, you know, a newspaper in a big city or from a shiny glossy magazine. I don't mean that. • • I'm less concerned about the way it looks and more concerned about the accuracy of the information • • in it. Okay, and then the last don't is don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two parents are saying in the group chat. You know, it's very awkward for parents to disagree with the most negative person in the chat • • because of the potential social consequences for the parent and the potential social consequences for their child. • And sometimes it's easy for us to paint with a broad brush that all parents are upset or • • m. They never are happy, you know, when we start using extreme language that's rarely accurate. And so I said before, most parents hate the group chat and they tolerate it, • um, and then they're trying to navigate it as best they can without pissing people off. • And so just for you and your own mental health and your own peace of mind, it's important. Don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two parents are saying.
Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook
All right, so what are the big takeaways from today's episode? We're talking about when the group chat, the parent group chat becomes a problem. • • Do keep your emotions in check and maintain perspective. Don't try to police it. Do encourage your parent ambassadors to combat the negativity. Don't try to shame or call out individual parents. • • • Do publish respectful communication expectations in your family handbook. • • Don't encourage your teacher parents to report to you every time a parent is upset in the group chat. • • Do encourage your parent teachers to refer upset parents to talk to you. • • • • • Don't try to ban the group chat or people from the group chat. • • Do encourage parents to refer to official communications from the school and make sure they are accurate. And don't assume that all parents are in agreement with what one or two • • parents are saying. • • • • • That's a lot. It's a lot to remember. Again, • the show notes will have it all there for you. The privatescchoolleader.com Episode 118 • and I'm giving you two calls to action at the end of the episode today. First is to check out your family handbook. • Is the policy clear enough on positive, respectful communication? And if it's not, not saying you change it partway through the year, but you know, get into chat GPT and pull in a couple of • • another administrator or a veteran teacher or, you know, your communications person, if you have one and just have a conversation about it and, um, • you know, the time to. • • • • It's always a good time to be checking out how to, uh, make your family handbook better. • • • Um, and then the second call to action is to talk to your parent ambassadors before there is a problem. • Because here's the thing, okay, if there's a problem and then you're going to the parent ambassadors and asking them to be positive, • then it's reactionary and it's situational and it feels crappy. But if you're just proactively at the beginning of the year, kind of like asking them to do that, then they're going to navigate that well. But you don't want it to be • • • • because there's a problem. • •
Mark Mincus: Parent Academy is an online digital course to help parents
Okay, um, last thing I mentioned, Parent Academy at the top of the episode. • • Um, I'm super excited to launch this and I want you to check it out. Um, it's an online digital course and it's your step by step framework for building effective partnerships with the parents at your school while reducing your stress and anxiety. • • And • • uh, I told you before, but I want to tell you again because I'm super excited about this part too is after I teach you the step by step framework to help you navigate all this better with your parents and have them cause less anxiety and give you more confidence. After I teach you, I'm going to teach your teachers. So there's two 45 minute webinars • and they have a printable workbook and this is something that you could use at a pd, • • • um, all in the same room and they watch it and then they break into groups for the discussion questions • • and you know, a part one and a part two. It could be something on a PD day, on a teacher in service day, and you have lifetime access to the trainings. And so, um, if you train your teachers with these webinars, then you still have the webinars for new hires in the future where you can have that be part of their onboarding process so that they're up to speed as far as how to effectively communicate with the parents at your school. And all of that is over@the privatescoolider.com • • parentacademy so go check that out please. And then also I've created another free resource for you. I want you to grab this. It will be a help to you. It's called the six things that every Private School Teacher Wants from Their Leader. And this six page PDF could be a real game changer for you. And I guarantee you that if you do these six things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow, • • • and you can grab that@the privatescchoolader.com • • • • guide. And one last thing. You know, if you have gotten any • • benefit • from this podcast, • • uh, I just would ask for a favor that you would take the link and you would • • email it or text it to another school leader, • • • • whether that's someone that you met at a conference or someone that you know from another school. A school leader. • • And also • • think about that rising leader at your school. • • You have a good eye and you have good instincts when it comes to somebody that has leadership potential in your school. Well, maybe they need someone to believe in them, to kind of light that spark and send them • • a text, send them an email with the podcast, a link to the podcast, this episode, for example. • • And, um, maybe they can. That'll be their first step in their journey. So if you would please share the. • Share the link. I'd love to get that word out there to help as many school leaders as possible. • • And I've been your host, Mark Mincus. I just want to say how much I appreciate you and all the hard work that you're doing at your school. Thank you so much for taking some of your precious time to join me here today. And I will see you next right here on the Private School Leader podcast. And until then, always remember to serve first, lead second, and make a difference.
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Episode 135: Do 1 Of These 4 Things This Summer To Have A Better 25/26 School Year

Episode 134: "‘My Child Is Not the Problem’: How To Handle Defensive Parenting

Episode 133: Do These 4 Things Before Your Body "Pulls The Emergency Brake"

Episode 132: 5 Strategies to Avoid Getting Sucked Into The "Tyranny of the Teacher Drama"

Episode 131: Leading Your School While Caring For Aging Parents

Episode 130: The 5 Keys To Making Sure That The Parents Don't Steal Your Joy

Episode 129: Does Your Spouse/Partner/Best Friend Have "Listening Fatigue?”

Episode 128: Do 3 Things Now And 4 Things Later To THRIVE During "The 100 Days Of May"

Episode 127: This One Strategy Will Significantly Increase Your Productivity AND Make You Better At Delegating

Episode 126: The 4 Keys To Surviving "Tough Conversation Season"

Episode 125: This Is An Eviction Notice For The Parent That Is Living Rent-Free In Your Head

Episode 124: How To Overcome The “Sunday Scaries”

Episode 123: 4 Ways To Deal With The Teacher That Is An "Energy Vampire"

Episode 122: How To Navigate Complex Emotions When You Get The Parent Survey Results

Episode 121: 3 Reasons Why You Should Start Your Own Instagram Account At School

Episode 120: It May Be Time For You To Consider A Continuous Enrollment Model

Episode 119: Reminding Your Parents That Attendance Is A Privilege And Not A Right

Episode 118: What To Do When The Parent Group Chat Becomes A Problem