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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" Season II, where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 4, Season II | "What Can I Say?"
In this deeply personal and unfiltered buffer episode, Dr. Hensley steps outside of the usual series format to speak her truth — not as a therapist or a coach, but as a woman, a wife, and a mother who has carried the weight of a private storm for far too long.
After over a year of silent suffering, Dr. Hensley finally opens up about a painful and highly sensitive situation involving someone from her husband's past — someone who, in Dr. Hensley's words, “tried to break up my family.” While protecting the identities of everyone involved, she lays bare the emotional toll of false allegations and the emotional warfare and pain that it causes. This episode isn’t about gossip — it’s about truth, healing, and power. For anyone who has ever been falsely accused…For anyone who’s watched someone come for their family…For anyone who’s had to choose peace over retaliation…This episode is for you.
Dr. Hensley shares not only what happened, but what she learned — about herself, about forgiveness, about faith, and about the unshakable strength of her marriage. She’s no longer staying silent. She’s setting the record straight, not just for her own peace, but for every listener who’s ever been hurt by false allegations and someone else's unresolved pain.
Though she considered taking legal action, Dr. Hensley chose instead to protect her peace — and that of her family — knowing that true power is often in what you don’t do. But she makes it clear: this was her grace-filled response the first time. If it happens again, her words are raw and unflinching — “I will go scorched earth.”
This emotional episode is more than a tell-all — it’s a spiritual reset, a message of hope, and a call to rise above bitterness and let your pain become your platform. It’s also a teaser for what’s coming next — a new series that dives even deeper into the corruption that lies in certain legal systems. At its core, “What Can I Say” is a love letter to anyone who has ever been deeply wounded by someone who never took accountability — and a reminder that you can find peace, stand firm in your truth, and come out even stronger on the other side when someone deeply hurts you and your family.
The overall message in this epsisode is:
🔸 The truth always reveals itself.
🔸 Forgiveness is not weakness — it’s wisdom and freedom.
🔸 And.........Love always wins!
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" Season II, where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 3, Season II | "Spiritual Intimacy: The Missing Link in Modern Romance"
In this deeply honest and soul-stirring episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley and Raina peel back the layers of what it truly means to be intimate—not just physically, but spiritually. In a world that often hyper-focuses on sexual chemistry and physical connection, they invite listeners into a conversation that challenges the status quo: that spiritual intimacy may be the true foundation of lasting love. With their signature blend of clinical insight, lived experience, and heartfelt faith, the hosts unpack why couples today are more disconnected than ever—despite being more sexually “liberated”—and how spiritual intimacy may be the missing link we’re all searching for.
Drawing from Dr. Hensley’s personal walk with God and the spiritual bond that laid the groundwork for her own marriage, she shares how emotional and sexual intimacy became truly fulfilling only after she and her husband connected spiritually. Raina adds perspective on how her own partnership was radically transformed when she and her husband began prioritizing a higher purpose and shared values above all else. They candidly discuss how true spiritual intimacy starts with your individual relationship with the divine—however that may look for you—and expands outward into how you love, serve, and connect with your partner.
They don’t shy away from the controversy, either. Why is it that so many modern couples resist bringing God or spirituality into their relationships? Is it fear of judgment, past religious trauma, or a misunderstanding of what "spiritual" even means in the context of love and sex? Dr. Hensley and Raina explore the resistance to spirit-centered connection and offer a reframed understanding of spirituality—not as a rigid doctrine, but as a living, breathing connection to purpose, vulnerability, and sacred partnership. They boldly affirm that for them, and countless others, God is the center of their love stories. As the Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:12, “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
This episode offers practical and inclusive ways couples can cultivate spiritual intimacy—regardless of religious background. Yes, that might mean praying or reading scripture together, but it could also look like meditating side by side, having purpose-driven conversations, serving others together, co-creating goals aligned with shared values, or holding space in silence during moments of pain and doubt. It's about nurturing the soul of your relationship. Because sex, when detached from a sense of deeper meaning or higher connection, can feel empty or misaligned. But when intimacy is built on a spiritual foundation—rooted in mutual reverence, intention, and transcendence—it becomes something sacred. Tune in for an episode that may just change how you view intimacy forever. Whether you’re single, dating, or married, this conversation is a call back to the deeper connection you were created for, a spiritual one!
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" Season II, where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 2, Season II | “Pleasure, Not Shame - STD Truths, Healing, and Sexual Empowerment with The Yoni Nutritionist”
In this powerful and much-needed episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley is joined by a trailblazer in the world of sexual wellness—Adrienne, better known as The Yoni Nutritionist. As a vaginal health nutritionist and sexual health advocate, Adrienne specializes in helping women get to the root of chronic yeast infections and supports both women and men in understanding and managing herpes (HSV) and human papillomavirus (HPV) diagnoses with compassion, knowledge, and zero shame.
Together, Dr. Hensley and Adrienne bust some of the biggest myths surrounding STIs and STDs—like the false belief that your sex life is over after a diagnosis or that these infections only happen to people who are “irresponsible.” Spoiler: they don’t, and it isn’t. With over two-thirds of the population carrying HSV-1 and a staggering number of individuals living with HPV unknowingly, it’s time we normalize the conversation around sexual health and stop tying our self-worth to a lab result.
Adrienne walks us through what informed, empowered intimacy looks like after an STI/STD diagnosis. From navigating conversations with partners to understanding the role of nutrition and stress in flare-ups, this episode offers both emotional reassurance and practical steps. Whether you’re currently dealing with symptoms, supporting a partner, or simply want to learn more about your own body, this is the kind of sexual health education we all should have received.
Listeners will also gain insight into the often-overlooked connection between the gut microbiome and vaginal health, and how dietary and lifestyle changes can play a significant role in both prevention and symptom management. Adrienne offers a refreshing, body-positive perspective that invites us to release shame, reclaim our sexual agency, and embrace the truth: having an STI or STD does not make you “damaged goods.” You are still fully worthy of love, desire, and pleasure.
You won’t want to miss this incredibly affirming and informative conversation. To connect with Adrienne and learn more about her work, visit her at www.yoninutritionist.com or follow her on Instagram or TikTok at @yoninutritionist.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" Season II, where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 1, Season II | “Attachment in the Sheets: How Each Style Navigates Sex & Intimacy”
Welcome to Season II of The Love Doc Podcast with Dr. Sarah Hensley, kicking off with a powerful new series: Sex and Intimacy. In this opening episode, “Attachment in the Sheets,” Dr. Hensley dives headfirst into how our attachment styles show up behind closed doors — and why understanding these patterns can completely shift the way we experience sexual connection.
Dr. Hensley begins by unpacking the anxious-preoccupied (AP) attachment style in the realm of sex. APs are often the chameleons of intimacy, hyper-attuned to their partner’s needs and desires but rarely in touch with their own. Their deepest fear of abandonment can lead them to override personal boundaries, agree to things that don’t feel good, or mold their sexual expression entirely around what they think their partner wants. This form of self-abandonment might feel like love or closeness in the moment, but it slowly erodes the AP’s internal sense of safety and sexual autonomy.
Next, the fearful-avoidant (FA) style takes center stage — a deeply complex and often contradictory experience in the bedroom. FAs may begin with high emotional awareness and sensitivity to their own needs and desires, but that clarity can quickly get hijacked by old patterns of fear of betrayal or fear of vulnerability. For some, especially after trust has been broken, physical intimacy becomes a place of shutdown. Others may still engage sexually, while emotionally checking out, using physical closeness to mask the deeper disconnection they feel inside.
Lastly, Dr. Hensley explores the dismissive-avoidant (DA) style — often the most misunderstood when it comes to sex. For many DAs, sex becomes the one “acceptable” avenue for intimacy, even though emotional vulnerability remains off-limits. This creates a paradox: they may initiate or enjoy sex, but still struggle to feel safe, connected, or fully present. Alternatively, DAs may avoid sex entirely, perceiving it as another emotional demand or pressure they’re unwilling — or feel unable — to meet.
Throughout the episode, Dr. Hensley weaves in the science of what’s happening in the body — including key hormonal responses that men and women experience during and after sex, such as the bonding power of oxytocin and the physiological patterns of stress and arousal. She emphasizes that without emotional safety and secure attachment, our sexual experiences can easily become performative, disconnected, or fraught with unmet needs.
This episode is an invitation to reframe how we view sex — not just as an act, but as an emotional experience shaped by our history, attachment wiring, and our ability to feel seen, safe, and truly wanted. If you’ve ever wondered why intimacy can feel so difficult at times — this episode is a must-listen.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hey y'all! We decided to take a week off between the end of Season I and the begining of Season II. Stay tuned for next week's new series on sex and intimacy where we will have some special guest. We are so excited to start season II with fresh ideas and new perspective! Love you guys!
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 52 – The Little Ways We Show Up for Our Partners
This episode explores one of the most powerful yet often overlooked truths in romantic relationships: it’s the small, consistent acts of connection that build true intimacy. Dr. Sarah Hensley breaks down how everyday micro-moments—like offering a kind word, turning toward your partner when they speak, or expressing gratitude for ordinary tasks—become the building blocks of lasting emotional closeness.
Rooted in psychological science and attachment theory, Dr. Hensley explains how emotional bonds are formed and strengthened through quiet, consistent presence rather than grand, infrequent gestures. These subtle interactions—what we choose to notice, how we respond, and the tone we use—send powerful signals of care, attunement, and respect. When these small moments are neglected, emotional distance grows, often without either partner realizing it.
Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how love is shaped in the moment-to-moment choices we make in daily life. The success of a relationship doesn’t hinge on extravagant efforts, but on the willingness to show up in the “now”—especially when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable.
Ultimately, The Little Ways We Show Up for Our Partners is a powerful reminder that love is reciprocal. It’s the accumulation of everyday choices—done with intention—that fosters lasting connection, emotional safety, and relational success.
Ultimately, The Little Ways We Show Up for Our Partners is a powerful reminder that love is reciprocal. It’s not built in the highlight reels—it’s built in the in-between. In the everyday. And when both partners learn to consistently show up for each other in these little ways, the relationship doesn’t just survive—it thrives.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 51 – The High Cost of Low Standards
In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Dr. Sarah Hensley explores a truth most of us don’t want to admit but absolutely need to hear: settling for less than we deserve in our romantic lives doesn’t just hurt emotionally—it impacts us psychologically, physically, and even spiritually. “The High Cost of Low Standards” isn’t just about dating someone who doesn’t check every box. It’s about the real toll relational self-abandonment takes on our nervous system, our self-worth, and our ability to thrive.
Dr. Hensley dives into the science of relational trauma, sharing how repeatedly tolerating disrespect, inconsistency, or emotional unavailability can lead to chronic stress responses in the body. Elevated cortisol, sleep disturbances, and even autoimmune flare-ups are common for clients who’ve lived for years in relationships that keep them in a perpetual state of anxiety. You’ll hear relatable examples from both host who developed digestive issues, hormonal imbalances, and chronic fatigue—all stemming from the emotional labor of loving someone who wasn’t loving them back. Both of them still struggling after almost ten years of deep dived healing work. Research from the fields of psychoneuroimmunology and attachment science backs this up: unhealthy relationships literally make us sick.
Dr. Hensley breaks down how unresolved attachment wounds, particularly from childhood, can subconsciously condition us to lower the bar and internalize the belief that bare minimum is all we’re worthy of. She speaks candidly about how early templates of love—whether from an emotionally immature parent or a chaotic home environment—can train our nervous systems to find familiarity in dysfunction. And when we don’t heal those internal blueprints, we keep recreating them in adult partnerships, confusing chaos for chemistry and silence for safety.
As always, Dr. Hensley ends with both compassion and a call to action. You are never stuck. Your nervous system may be wired for survival, but it can be rewired for secure love. You can raise your standards without fear of losing connection—because what’s truly meant for you won’t be threatened by your growth. Whether you’ve been chronically undervalued or simply unsure how to ask for more, this episode will remind you: it’s not too late to choose better. Healing is available, and so is the kind of love that doesn’t cost you your peace.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 50: Healing from the Emotionally Immature Parent
In this milestone 50th episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley opens with a candid observation she’s seen time and time again in her coaching practice: setting boundaries with emotionally immature parents—or in-laws—can feel even more excruciating than setting them with a romantic partner. Why? Because the first place we ever learned about love, safety, and connection was at home. And when the very people who were supposed to nurture our emotional needs couldn’t meet us where we were, it doesn’t just wound our childhoods—it quietly bleeds into how we love, trust, and show up in our adult relationships.
Dr. Hensley breaks down the deep psychological impact that growing up with an emotionally stunted parent can have. It can create chronic self-doubt, hypervigilance, an unstable sense of self-worth, and a blueprint of attachment where emotional neglect feels “normal.” Many of us unconsciously seek romantic partners who mirror the emotional patterns we grew up with—partners who are distant, unavailable, or inconsistent—because it’s the only intimacy our nervous system recognizes. Without realizing it, we are often trying to “finish the story” with someone else that was left incomplete by our earliest caregivers.
In a deeply personal segment, Sarah and her cohost Raina share their own raw stories: Sarah’s painful experience navigating a relationship with an emotionally immature father, and Raina’s difficult upbringing with a mother who was emotionally unstable due to her own unhealed trauma. They open up about how these early wounds shaped the choices they made in their first romantic relationships—often chasing emotional closeness where it was chronically withheld. They also reflect on how these experiences made them fiercely intentional about how they parent today, choosing to break the cycles of emotional disconnection by offering the attunement and presence they didn’t always receive themselves.
But healing from these wounds isn’t just about recognizing the past; it’s about actively choosing to reparent yourself. Dr. Hensley explains that “reparenting” means becoming the steady, loving caregiver to your own inner child—the one who was ignored, invalidated, or left to navigate big emotions alone. Through conscious practices of self-compassion, emotional validation, boundary setting, and nurturing rituals, you can literally rewire your attachment system. Inner child work, Dr. Hensley explains, is about meeting yourself in those abandoned spaces—learning to sit with your unmet needs rather than running from them, and offering yourself the empathy, care, and consistency you deserved all along.
If this episode resonates deeply with you—if you recognize yourself in these patterns and you’re ready to stop letting old wounds dictate your present relationships—Dr. Hensley invites you to explore The Love Doc‘s coaching programs and resources. Healing is possible, and it begins with the brave decision to show up for yourself in a way no one else ever could. Rebuilding your emotional foundation through reparenting and inner child work isn’t just transformational—it’s the first step toward the secure, fulfilling love you were always worthy of.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 49: Work/Relationship Balance with Special Guest: Josee Tremblay, Author of Us and Yet and Yet
In this powerful episode, Dr. Sarah Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher sit down with special guest Josee Tremblay, a mechanical engineer and author of Us and Yet and Yet, to discuss one of the most common but rarely addressed struggles in modern relationships—how to strike a healthy balance between work and intimacy. Josee shares her journey as a woman navigating a male-dominated industry and how her career led her to a deeper understanding of feminine and masculine energies within romantic partnerships. Her personal experiences inspired her to write a book that speaks directly to high-achieving women who feel the strain of “doing it all” and crave a better connection with their partners at home.
The conversation dives into how career-driven women—especially those in high-stress, high-performance roles—often find themselves stuck in masculine energy even after they clock out. Josee, Dr. Hensley, and Raina all reflect on how they’ve had to intentionally shift into their feminine energy in their personal lives to create space for their partners to naturally step into their masculine roles. Dr. Hensley explains how this energetic polarity is essential to maintaining desire, harmony, and emotional connection in long-term relationships. The episode highlights the subtle but significant ways that career ambition, daily responsibilities, and over-functioning behaviors can affect the relational dynamic.
Josee also brings depth to the conversation by exploring the archetypes she covers in her book, shedding light on how different energy patterns and identities show up in relationships. Whether it’s the Overachiever, the Perfectionist, or the Self-Sacrificing Giver, each archetype holds insight into how we unconsciously operate when under stress or pressure. Dr. Hensley connects this framework to attachment theory, highlighting how dismissive avoidants in particular—whether male or female—struggle the most with balancing work and relational life. She explains that DAs often turn to work, tasks, or hobbies as a way to feel effective, valued, and in control—especially when emotional intimacy feels vulnerable or unsafe. This can manifest in surprising ways, such as a stay-at-home mom who over-schedules the kids to avoid deeper connection with her partner.
Throughout the episode, listeners are encouraged to reflect on their own patterns and consider how attachment styles, emotional wounds, and internalized beliefs about productivity impact their relationships. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that healing begins with self-awareness—and that shifting from “doing” to “being” is a powerful act of love, both for ourselves and our partners. Whether you’re a high-powered professional, an entrepreneur, or someone simply juggling the demands of life and love, this conversation will leave you with tangible insights on how to show up more present, connected, and whole in your relationship.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
You can find Josee Tremblay's book at the link below or on amazon.
US and yet and yet
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 48: The Vagus Nerve
In this powerful and informative episode, Dr. Sarah Hensley unpacks one of the most essential—yet often overlooked—players in our healing journey: the vagus nerve. As a social psychologist and attachment expert, Dr. Hensley explains how the vagus nerve functions as the primary communication superhighway between the brain and body, deeply influencing our emotional regulation, sense of safety, and ability to connect with others. She breaks down the science in an accessible, real-world way—helping listeners understand why a dysregulated nervous system keeps them stuck in survival mode, attracting unhealthy patterns and perpetuating attachment wounds.
Dr. Hensley dives into the role the vagus nerve plays in attachment and trauma, especially for those with insecure styles like anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. When we’ve experienced relational trauma—whether through emotional neglect, inconsistency, or outright betrayal—our nervous system becomes hypervigilant. The vagus nerve responds by defaulting into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn states, often without us realizing it. That’s why you might feel a “gut instinct” to run or shut down in the presence of intimacy, or why calmness can feel foreign after years of chaos. Dr. Hensley explains how we cannot simply “think” our way into secure attachment—we must regulate our way there, starting with the body.
Throughout the episode, listeners are guided through practical, research-backed ways to tone and stimulate the vagus nerve. From cold exposure and deep diaphragmatic breathing to humming, prayer, laughter, and safe eye contact—Dr. Hensley outlines exercises that create real shifts in the nervous system over time. She emphasizes that healing is not a linear path of “just letting go” or “getting over it”—it’s a deep reconnection with your body’s felt sense of safety. She also shares how vagal tone is essential in being able to pause, reflect, and choose differently in moments of relational trigger—rather than spiraling into panic, protest, or withdrawal. If you’ve ever wondered why healing feels so hard—or how to finally feel safe in love—this episode is your science-meets-soul roadmap.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 47: The Law of Attraction
In this soul-stirring episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley dives deep into the often-misunderstood concept of the Law of Attraction—unpacking it not only through the lens of her professional and personal experience, but also through her unwavering faith.
Dr. Hensley opens the episode by grounding the conversation in her personal belief: that true, positive attraction begins with God. She welcomes listeners of all beliefs into the discussion, offering a space of inclusion and openness for anyone curious about how the Law of Attraction really works—and how it aligns with both science and faith.
The Intersection of Faith and Physics
Dr. Hensley explores how the Law of Attraction is deeply connected to Christianity and even supported by principles in quantum physics. On a quantum level, the human body and mind operate not just as passive observers but as active participants in shaping reality. She explains how, at a cellular level, we must believe wholeheartedly in the reality we want to experience—because that deep, internal conviction is what draws it to us. The energy we emit—through thoughts, feelings, and beliefs—resonates outward and co-creates our lives with God.
From a Christian perspective, this energetic alignment mirrors what Scripture teaches: “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). Faith, in its truest form, is not passive hoping—it’s believing in what’s unseen as if it’s already done.
Rooted in God’s Will
Throughout the episode, both Dr. Hensley and her co-host Raina affirm that while the Law of Attraction is a powerful principle, its full strength is only realized when it’s aligned with God’s will. They believe wholeheartedly that God wants good things for your life—and when your desires align with His divine plan, the universe conspires to make them happen.
Receiving the Blessing
But attraction isn’t just about thinking positive thoughts—it’s also about being open to receive. Dr. Hensley discusses how we can unknowingly block blessings due to fear, doubt, or a subconscious belief that we’re not worthy. Sometimes, the only thing standing between us and the miracle is our own resistance.
The Power of Surrender and Perspective
A key takeaway from this episode is the transformative power of surrender. True manifestation often comes in the letting go—when we release the need to control outcomes and instead trust in divine timing. Dr. Hensley invites listeners to move from a “What if the worst happens?” mindset to one of Even if.
Even if things don’t go the way we planned…
Even if we experience loss or heartbreak…
Even if we’re in the midst of pain…
We are still worthy. Still capable. Still divinely supported.
This episode is a beautiful blend of science, spirituality, and psychology, offering encouragement for anyone who wants to attract abundance, love, peace, and purpose into their life—without losing sight of God’s guiding hand.
Tune in and learn how to co-create your life with faith, trust, and divine alignment.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 46: Meet Our Husbands
In this special and heartfelt episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher introduce their listeners to two very important people in their lives—their husbands, Donald and Josh.
Josh, Raina’s husband, was a self-proclaimed perpetual bachelor. Neither he nor Raina had been married before, and they didn’t tie the knot until they met in their 40s. Donald, Dr. Hensley’s husband, had a different journey—having been married twice before. Despite their contrasting paths, both men had one thing in common: they had grown comfortable with independence and navigating life on their own terms. They both attirbuted to being able to find thier secure attachement through being comfortable being alone.
During this candid conversation, Donald opens up about how his military service shaped both his struggles and his personal growth. Meanwhile, Josh shares how his experiences out west as a cowboy played a significant role in his emotional development.
The couples also discuss the unique dynamics of their marriages—how they manage the demands of modern life, complex schedules, and blended families. Dr. Hensley and Donald talk about raising a household of children in what they call a modern-day Brady Bunch scenario, while Raina and Josh reflect on merging their lives, with Josh stepping into a marriage where Raina already had a son.
This episode gives listeners an intimate glimpse into the real-life relationships of Dr. Hensley and Raina, highlighting the beauty and challenges of love, family, and commitment. They hope that by sharing their personal journeys, listeners will find reassurance that navigating modern relationships isn’t always easy—but through patience, understnading, and showing each other grace marriage can be joyful, inspiring, and the ultimate relationship for personal growth.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 45: The Drop
In this deeply personal and reflective episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley explores “The Drop”—the inevitable moments in life when, after reaching great heights, we find ourselves falling back down. Inspired by the song The Drop by Forrest Frank, this episode delves into what it truly means to rise to success, only to be met with unexpected setbacks, challenges, and even betrayals. More importantly, Dr. Hensley unpacks how we handle these moments with humility, grace, and resilience.
Dr. Hensley shares her own journey of rising to the top—how success can make it easy to be kind, loving, and open-hearted. But she also reminds listeners that no one is immune to life’s trials, and 2024 tested her in ways she never expected. She opens up about a personal legal battle involving someone who intentionally harmed her family, as well as the devastating news that her mother’s cancer has returned after nearly five years in remission. She speaks candidly about how these experiences deeply affected her and her family, and how easy it would be to let pain turn into bitterness.
But Dr. Hensley emphasizes that suffering—while inevitable—does not have to define us. She challenges the common “white-knuckle approach” to hardship, where people try to fight through suffering by suppressing emotions, hardening their hearts, and carrying resentment. This, she explains, only makes the pain worse, as it places unnecessary stress on the nervous system and fuels a cycle of anger and defensiveness.
Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shares a profound shift in perspective that changed her life:
Instead of living in the fear of “What if?”, she learned to embrace the mindset of “Even if.”
• What if the worst happens? → Fear, anxiety, and suffering.
• Even if the worst happens, I will stay faithful, calm, and gracious.
This shift, she explains, allowed her to let go of fear and control, and instead trust that even in hardship, there is purpose, healing, and grace.
As the episode closes, Dr. Hensley leaves listeners with a powerful reminder:
Yes, suffering is part of life. Yes, the drop can feel unfair and even cruel. But it doesn’t last forever. And more importantly, it shapes us, humbles us, and reminds us of the joy that comes from overcoming challenges with integrity and faith.
If you find yourself in a drop—whether it’s personal loss, betrayal, or a sudden setback—you are not alone. Healing is possible, and Dr. Hensley would be honored to be a resource in your journey.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating hardship and seeking a faith-driven, compassionate approach to resilience.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 44: – Showing Up as the Best Version of Your Most Authentic Self
In this episode, Dr. Hensley explores what it truly means to be authentic—what authenticity is, what it is not, and how to cultivate it. She emphasizes that before we can fully show up as our authentic selves, we must first confront and understand our shadow self and suppressed traits.
Dr. Hensley explains how our ability to be authentic starts with the messages we receive from caregivers in childhood. From a young age, we are taught which emotions and traits are acceptable and which should be hidden or suppressed. These early lessons shape how we navigate relationships and self-expression as adults.
Next, she delves into how different insecure attachment styles suppress certain emotions, impacting their ability to be authentic, sometimes leading to poor relationship patterns. A major part of healing involves recognizing these suppressed traits without shame and allowing oneself to express them freely.
Faith plays a significant role in this process, and Dr. Hensley shares her personal struggles with expressing certain traits. She opens up about how God’s grace and mercy have helped her work through feelings of shame and embrace her true self.
A key highlight of this episode is the perpetual people-pleaser, who struggles the most with authenticity. People-pleasers often self-abandon to maintain peace, suppressing their true needs and emotions. Dr. Hensley explains that the foundation of authenticity lies in self-trust and building a strong relationship with oneself.
Toward the end, she discusses how boundaries are essential for authenticity. She shares a real-life example from her marriage, illustrating how she has learned to embrace her authentic self without guilt or fear.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone struggling to show up as their authentic self. If you’re ready to step into authenticity, Dr. Hensley’s services can guide you on this journey.
Visit Dr. Hensley's website at thelovedoc.com (now active)
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
In Episode 43 of “The Love Doc” podcast, titled “If They Don’t Want to Be Kept, Don’t Keep ’Em,” Dr. Hensley delves into the common question she receives from clients: “How do I get my partner to [fill in the blank]?” She emphasizes that attempting to change a partner is futile and that true emotional security comes from recognizing that the only person one can change is oneself.
Key Discussion Points:
1. Losing Oneself in the Effort to Change a Partner:
She warns against the dangers of contorting oneself to induce change in a partner, often leading to a loss of personal identity and autonomy. This behavior can result in emotional exhaustion and dissatisfaction.
2. The Fallacy of Loving Someone Enough to Change Them:
Dr. Hensley addresses the misconception that one can love someone into changing. She asserts that change must come from within an individual who is ready and willing; external pressure is ineffective and can be detrimental.
3. Coercion vs. Genuine Expression of Love:
Attempting to force or manipulate a partner into meeting one’s needs is not a true expression of love. Authentic love respects autonomy and encourages voluntary, mutual effort in the relationship.
4. Recognizing When a Partner Is Not Capable of Commitment:
Dr. Hensley emphasizes the importance of acknowledging when a partner consistently demonstrates an inability or unwillingness to commit. Persisting in such situations leads to frustration and hinders personal growth.
Subconscious Manipulation and Emotional Exhaustion:
The episode delves into the subconscious manipulation involved in trying to retain a partner who is unwilling or unable to meet one’s needs. This dynamic leads to emotional exhaustion and disrupts the nervous system, fostering dysfunction and instability in the relationship.
Attachment Styles and the Push-Pull Dynamic:
Dr. Hensley explores attachment styles, particularly the fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant pairings, where push-pull dynamics are prevalent:
• Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Characterized by a desire for intimacy coupled with a fear of getting hurt, leading to ambivalence and mistrust in relationships.
• Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: Marked by a preference for independence and discomfort with closeness, resulting in emotional distance and a tendency to withdraw from partners.
When individuals with these attachment styles pair together, a cyclical pattern of pursuing and distancing ensues, creating instability and dissatisfaction.
Advice for Breaking the Cycle:
Towards the end of the episode, Dr. Hensley offers guidance for those trapped in unfulfilling dynamics:
• Toxic Hope: Recognize and release the unrealistic expectation that a partner will change, which perpetuates unhealthy attachment and prolongs suffering.
• Radical Acceptance: Embrace the reality of the situation without resistance, acknowledging that one cannot control or change another’s behavior.
These concepts and more are elaborated upon in her new breakup course (now live and ready for purchse), designed to help individuals cultivate inner safety and trust in their decision-making, empowering them to leave relationships that do not serve their well-being.
Visit Dr. Hensley's website at thelovedoc.com (now active)
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc
Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 42 – How to Navigate Divorce
In this powerful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley takes a deep dive into one of the most difficult and life-altering experiences a person can face—divorce. With compassion, insight, and real-life experience from coaching hundreds of clients, she offers a roadmap for navigating the process in the healthiest way possible.
When Is Divorce Acceptable?
Dr. Hensley begins the episode by addressing a critical question: When is divorce justified? She makes it clear that while every marriage has challenges, certain circumstances—such as infidelity, emotional abuse, physical abuse, and neglect—are valid and acceptable reasons to leave a marriage. However, she also emphasizes that nothing in this episode should be taken as legal advice; instead, she shares wisdom based on her personal experience and extensive coaching work.
Step 1: Accepting Your Partner’s Decision
One of the first steps in navigating divorce is accepting your partner’s boundary if they have filed for divorce. Dr. Hensley stresses the importance of expressing your feelings openly and compassionately—whether or not you want the divorce—without becoming needy, pushy, or anxious. This approach allows for open communication and ensures that divorce isn’t being used as a mere threat.
Step 2: Creating Emotional and Physical Space
She then explores the importance of creating both emotional and physical distance. This space provides clarity, helping individuals truly understand what life will be like post-divorce. By stepping back, people can gain perspective on whether they are seeking reconciliation out of genuine desire or simply fearing change.
Step 3: Understanding the Legal Process
A major portion of the episode is dedicated to the legal aspects of divorce. Dr. Hensley underscores the importance of securing a strong attorney and thoroughly understanding state-specific divorce and custody laws. She encourages listeners to seek individual legal counsel—even in seemingly amicable divorces—because legal protection is crucial in navigating financial and custody matters.
Step 4: Communication During Divorce
Dr. Hensley provides actionable strategies for communication during the divorce process. She explains how to maintain open dialogue without overstepping boundaries and gives specific language that can help avoid unnecessary conflict. She also discusses the challenges of co-parenting and offers guidance on ensuring children feel emotionally supported throughout the transition.
Can a Marriage Be Saved?
Halfway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts gears to discuss cases where marriages have been salvaged from the brink of divorce. She shares success stories from her coaching program, illustrating how the tools she teaches can help couples reconnect and repair their relationships. She also provides a realistic timeline for seeing meaningful change when both partners commit to the work.
Attachment Styles and Divorce
Next, Dr. Hensley examines how different attachment styles handle divorce—and where each one typically goes wrong:
• Anxious-preoccupied individuals may cling to the relationship, struggle with self-worth, and resist letting go.
• Dismissive avoidants may shut down emotionally, minimize the pain, and attempt to move on too quickly.
• Fearful avoidants often experience inner conflict, cycling between wanting connection and pushing their partner away.
She offers targeted advice for each attachment style, helping listeners recognize their patterns and make healthier choices during this transition.
Breaking Free from Trauma Bonds
One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is severing a trauma bond—especially in toxic or abusive relationships. Dr. Hensley outlines a key strategy she teaches in her coaching program:
• Practicing radical acceptance of the situation.
• Immersing oneself in the truth by writing out relationship issues and reading them daily.
By consistently reinforcing reality, individuals can shift their mindset and begin the process of emotional detachment.
Should You Wait Before Divorcing?
For those who feel uncertain, Dr. Hensley advises taking true inventory of the relationship for 3 to 6 months before making a final decision. She stresses the importance of focusing on personal growth and reaching secure attachment before deciding whether divorce is truly the right path.
Final Thoughts: The Legal and Emotional Reality of Divorce
Dr. Hensley concludes the episode by revisiting the legal complexities of divorce, reiterating how critical it is to protect oneself legally—especially when children are involved. She acknowledges that divorce often brings out the worst in people, making legal representation essential. She also reminds listeners that while divorce is painful, it can also be an opportunity for renewal.
Divorce as a New Beginning
Dr. Hensley leaves listeners with a hopeful message: Divorce, while painful, is not the end—it’s a blank canvas. It is a chance to rebuild, rediscover personal identity, and create a life aligned with one’s values and desires. Though the process may be difficult, it also brings the possibility of newfound freedom, growth, and ultimately, happiness.
This episode provides a compassionate, insightful, and practical guide for anyone navigating divorce—whether they are in the midst of it, contemplating it, or trying to heal from it.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 41: Friendship in Your Forties
Friendship, like any other relationship, can be complex to navigate—especially as you grow, heal, and move toward attachment security. In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher take a deep dive into how friendships evolve once you’ve reached emotional security, why some friendships don’t survive, and what true friendship really looks like.
While the title suggests a focus on friendships in your 40s, this episode is relevant for anyone, regardless of age, because friendship dynamics shift as we mature, heal, and redefine our boundaries.
How Friendships Change with Attachment Security
Dr. Hensley explains that once you achieve attachment security, your standards for friendship change. You become more intentional about the relationships you maintain, prioritizing mutual respect, peace, and personal growth. She breaks down what you will and won’t stand for in friendships once you’ve reached this level of emotional health, including:
• Setting Boundaries – You no longer tolerate one-sided friendships, lack of reciprocity, or emotional drain.
• A No-Drama Policy – You disengage from gossip, toxicity, and unnecessary conflict.
• Caring Less About What Others Think – You prioritize your inner peace over external validation.
• Protecting Your Peace at All Costs – You release friendships that feel heavy, draining, or unsupportive.
Personal Experiences & People-Pleasing in Friendships
Both Dr. Hensley and Raina open up about friendships they’ve lost after achieving attachment security. Raina shares that she’s still struggling with people-pleasing tendencies in her friendships, and Dr. Hensley helps her unpack the root cause—attachment wounds that make it hard to say no or risk losing connection.
Dr. Hensley emphasizes that true friendship isn’t about sacrificing your well-being to keep others happy. Instead, secure friendships allow for honesty, mutual respect, and space for each person to grow.
The Evolution of Their Own Friendship
Dr. Hensley and Raina reflect on how their own friendship has deepened as they’ve both grown in emotional security. What started as a friendship built on common interests has transformed into something much deeper—rooted in trust, honesty, and emotional safety.
Dr. Hensley shares how, before reaching attachment security, she relied on a “Rolodex” of friends to vent to or help soothe her emotions. Now, using the self-regulation tools she teaches in her coaching practice, she no longer seeks friendships as a form of emotional outsourcing. Instead, she views friendship as a space for mutual support and respect, rather than an emotional dumping ground.
Why Friendships End When One Person Becomes Secure
One of the most eye-opening parts of the conversation is how friendships can mirror romantic relationships. Dr. Hensley explains that just like in romantic relationships, friendships often break down when one person becomes attachment secure and the other remains stuck in insecurity.
She and Raina discuss a hard truth:
• Some friendships don’t end because of conflict; they end because one person grows and the other doesn’t.
• Not all friends want to see you succeed. True friendship isn’t just about supporting someone in hard times; it’s also about celebrating their wins without jealousy or resentment.
Friendship Among Men & Friendships Lost in Divorce
Dr. Hensley also touches on the unique struggles men face in maintaining friendships later in life. She explains that:
• Men often struggle with emotional depth in friendships compared to women.
• Many male friendships are activity-based, making it harder to find deep, emotionally secure friendships.
• Divorce often leads to friendship losses, as mutual friends take sides or the shifting dynamic makes maintaining friendships more complicated.
God’s Role in Friendship & Letting Go
As always, Dr. Hensley brings faith into the conversation, sharing how God’s friendship has shaped her life. She acknowledges that God has both brought friendships into her life and removed others for her greater good.
In the end, she encourages listeners to embrace the seasons of friendship—some friends are meant for a chapter, while others are meant for a lifetime. By letting go of friendships that no longer serve you, you create space for those that bring true peace, connection, and joy.
Final Takeaway
Friendships will evolve as you do. If you’re healing, growing, and becoming more secure, it’s natural for some friendships to shift, fade, or even end. But the friendships that remain—the ones built on mutual respect, trust, and joy—are the ones worth keeping.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating friendship changes at any stage of life. Whether you’re redefining your boundaries, struggling with people-pleasing, or learning how to cultivate secure, meaningful friendships, Dr. Hensley and Raina’s insights will help you approach friendship with clarity, confidence, and peace.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
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Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
The Love Doc Podcast – Episode 40: "The Bright Side of Suffering." In this transformative episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Hensley explores one of the most difficult yet essential aspects of the human experience—suffering. Rather than something to fear or avoid, she reframes suffering as a necessary force for growth, resilience, and transformation—but only if we allow it to serve that purpose.
Why Do Some People Break While Others Rise? The Science of Suffering
Dr. Hensley begins the episode by addressing a fundamental question: Why do some people experience post-traumatic stress while others experience post-traumatic growth? She discusses the psychological and neurological factors that determine whether suffering will lead to breakdown or breakthrough.She highlights a study that examined two different therapeutic approaches for trauma survivors:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): A structured, problem-focused therapy that helps individuals change negative thought patterns.Positive Psychological Interventions (PPI): A strengths-based approach that focuses on resilience, finding meaning in suffering, and reframing challenges in a positive light.The study revealed that individuals who underwent PPI showed greater post-traumatic growth compared to those who only engaged in CBT. This is because PPIs encourage individuals to see their pain as part of a bigger picture, whereas CBT primarily focuses on managing symptoms.
Faith and the Power of Redemption in Suffering
As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley shares a deeply personal perspective on suffering—one rooted in faith. She explains how her own hardships have been catalysts for spiritual growth, helping her develop deeper trust and surrender.She reflects on the suffering of Christ, emphasizing that His sacrifice was the ultimate example of how pain can lead to redemption. Through faith, suffering can take on a greater purpose, allowing people to transcend their pain rather than be defined by it.
The Role of Community in Healing
Dr. Hensley stresses that healing from suffering is not meant to be done alone. She explores the importance of community and connection, explaining how isolation often prolongs suffering while healthy relationships create a safe space for healing and transformation. Whether through friendships, support groups, or spiritual communities, surrounding oneself with understanding and uplifting people can make all the difference.
Attachment Styles and How They Influence Healing
At the midpoint of the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts the discussion to attachment theory, explaining how different attachment styles process and cope with suffering:
Anxious Attachment: Those with an anxious attachment style often get stuck in victimhood, replaying their pain and seeking validation to soothe their wounds. They struggle with letting go and moving forward.Avoidant Attachment: On the other hand, avoidant individuals tend to suppress and dismiss their suffering, refusing to acknowledge their pain. They may appear strong on the outside but often struggle with deep emotional disconnect.Dr. Hensley shares specific strategies for each attachment style to help them move through suffering in a healthier way.
Somatic Healing: Moving Through Suffering with the Body
One of the most crucial parts of healing, Dr. Hensley explains, is not just feeling emotions, but actually processing them through the body. She introduces somatic healing techniques—practices that help release stored trauma and emotions physically, since emotions are "energy in motion."She shares different methods to create safety in the body, including:
Breathwork to regulate the nervous systemGrounding exercises to reconnect with the present momentMovement-based practices like yoga, shaking, or dance to release stored emotional energyDr. Hensley emphasizes that growth from suffering requires more than intellectual processing—it requires physical release and transformation.
The Difference Between Therapy and Coaching in Healing
As the episode nears its conclusion, Dr. Hensley breaks down the key differences between therapy and coaching when it comes to healing from suffering:
Therapy: Primarily focuses on processing past trauma, offering a safe space to understand and work through emotions.Coaching: Takes a prescriptive and action-oriented approach, providing concrete tools to change behavior and rewire neural pathways for long-term transformation.Dr. Hensley explains that while therapy is invaluable for understanding pain, coaching is essential for creating real, lasting change—helping individuals take proactive steps toward rewiring their mindset, behaviors, and emotional responses.
Final Takeaway: Growth is a Choice
Dr. Hensley wraps up the episode with a powerful message:
"Suffering is inevitable, but what you do with it is up to you. Will you let it break you, or will you let it build you into the highest version of yourself?" This episode is both deeply personal and profoundly practical, providing listeners with the tools, insights, and inspiration to embrace suffering as a stepping stone to greatness.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 39: The TikTok Ban Part II
In this episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley expands on the ongoing TikTok ban debate, following the discussion from episode 37, when the ban was still pending. A lot has changed in a short time—including a dark period where TikTok temporarily disappeared—leaving creators, businesses, and everyday users in a state of uncertainty.
Dr. Hensley begins by breaking down the Supreme Court ruling, expressing her surprise at how quickly the decision was made. She argues that the ruling did not fully consider the economic impact of losing TikTok, both directly for content creators and indirectly for businesses that rely on the platform for marketing. She also highlights which senators are currently working on legislative measures to protect TikTok, emphasizing their efforts to prevent the U.S. economy from suffering due to a potential ban.
Dr. Hensley then explains Project Texas, TikTok’s initiative to address U.S. security concerns by storing American user data domestically and increasing transparency through third-party audits. She expresses disappointment that the court did not take a more balanced approach—such as allowing more time for audits before making a ruling—rather than pushing for an outright ban.
Dr. Hensley then shares her firsthand experience on a call with 50 TikTok creators and Senator Ro Khanna following the ruling. She gives a special shoutout to Ro Khanna for listening to creators’ personal stories about how TikTok has changed their lives. Reflecting on her own journey, she speaks about how the platform has allowed her to grow her business, reach thousands of clients, and help people find and sustain healthy relationships.
She then discusses the broader consequences of the ruling, including the potential legal risks for service providers like Apple and Google if they continued to offer TikTok for download. She explains how these companies could have, and still could, face legal challenges and financial penalties had they not complied with the ruling.
Halfway through the episode, Dr. Hensley shifts to analyzing the deal that former President Trump negotiated to create a 75-day extension, delaying the enforcement of the ban. She explains the terms of this deal and the political maneuvering behind it.
She also highlights the efforts of Senator Ed Markey, who advocated for an extension that would allow TikTok to remain operational while the government figured out how to protect national security. However, she notes that Senator Tom Cotton was the only person in Congress to oppose Markey’s extension, standing firmly in favor of the ban.
Dr. Hensley ends the episode with a powerful call to action, urging listeners to stand up for free speech and their First Amendment rights. She encourages everyone who values TikTok to sign the petition to repeal the ban, emphasizing that the fight is far from over. She reminds listeners that their voices matter and that advocating for their platform is essential in preserving digital freedom and economic opportunity.
This episode is a must-listen for TikTok creators, business owners, and anyone invested in the future of digital content creation in the U.S.
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. -
Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC.
Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.
Episode 38: The Most Painful Relationship Dynamic
In this deeply insightful episode of The Love Doc Podcast, Dr. Sarah Hensley explores what she considers the most painful romantic dynamic outside of relationships with narcissists or those with personality disorders: the Fearful-Avoidant (FA) and Dismissive-Avoidant (DA) attachment pairing.
Why Is This the Most Painful Dynamic?
Dr. Hensley begins by breaking down the core traits of each attachment style:
• Fearful-Avoidants (FAs) crave deep emotional intimacy but simultaneously fear it, oscillating between intense closeness and withdrawal. Their internal struggle stems from an upbringing marked by trauma, inconsistency, and trust breaks—often experiencing both love and fear from caregivers.
• Dismissive-Avoidants (DAs), on the other hand, prioritize independence and emotional self-sufficiency. They typically shut down in the face of relational tension, having learned early on that vulnerability is unsafe and that they must rely on themselves.
When these two attachment styles fall in love, the cycle of attraction and rejection becomes excruciatingly painful:
• Push-Pull Dynamics: The FA constantly seeks reassurance, only to pull away when it feels too overwhelming, while the DA maintains emotional distance, reinforcing the FA’s fears of not being able to trust anyone.
• Emotional Misalignment: The FA interprets the DA’s withdrawal as rejection, triggering intense anxiety and protest behaviors, while the DA feels overwhelmed by the FA’s emotional needs and shuts down further.
• Unresolved Childhood Wounds: Both partners unknowingly re-enact childhood patterns—FAs chase unresponsive caregivers, while DAs retreat to the emotional solitude they relied on as children.
Why Are They Attracted to Each Other?
Midway through the episode, Dr. Hensley delves into one of the most fascinating aspects of insecure attachment: shadow attraction—the unconscious draw toward partners who reflect our deepest fears, wounds, and unintegrated parts of ourselves.
• The FA’s Shadow: The fearful-avoidant deeply fears abandonment but is paradoxically drawn to emotionally unavailable partners (DAs) because they reinforce the FA’s core belief: “I am not safe in love.” Since thier emotions tend to be all over the place they are drawn to the emotional stabitity that the DA partner protrays.
• The DA’s Shadow: The dismissive-avoidant, though appearing independent, often harbors deep loneliness and suppressed emotional needs. They are magnetized by the FA’s emotional intensity, as it represents the feelings they’ve long suppressed. Since their emotions tend to be more supressed they become enamored by the FA's openess to express emotional vulnerability.
Dr. Hensley explains that insecurely attached individuals are attracted to their shadows because their subconscious mind seeks familiarity, even if it is painful. Healing requires recognizing this attraction as a mirror rather than a destiny.
How Can This Relationship Work?
Although this dynamic is inherently painful, Dr. Hensley assures listeners that healing and transformation are possible. She shares tools and strategies from her coaching practice that help break the toxic cycle and create a more secure bond.
• For Fearful-Avoidants: Learning to regulate their nervous system and develop self-trust, so they are not constantly seeking reassurance from an emotionally unavailable partner.
• For Dismissive-Avoidants: Developing emotional literacy and recognizing that avoiding emotions does not equal true independence.
• For Both Partners: Understanding the trauma responses at play, fostering direct communication, and shifting the relationship from one of reactivity to intentionality.
Dr. Hensley offers practical steps, including boundary-setting exercises, communication techniques, and self-reflection practices, while keeping some of her most transformative methods reserved for her private clients and programs.
Because this is the most common and painful dynamic Dr. Hensley sees in her practice, this episode is a must-listen for anyone trapped in the FA-DA cycle. It provides both clarity and hope, offering a roadmap to understanding why these relationships feel impossible and how, with the right tools, they can evolve into something healthier.
Whether you’re struggling in this dynamic or simply want to deepen your knowledge of attachment, this episode is packed with raw insights, expert guidance, and real solutions—don’t miss it!
Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media.
PROMO CODE FOR OUR LISTNERS: Use LOVEDOC27 to receive 27% off any of Dr. Hensley's courses or her Hybrid Group Coaching Program.
Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/
Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/
Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout
Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley
Instagram: @the_dating_decoder
Facebook: The Dating Decoder
Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley
Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support. - Visa fler
