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This episode covers when to see a therapist and when to seek out coaching, strengths and weaknesses of both (because all modalities have pros and cons), and what to watch out for. I'll also go over different types of therapy and different types of coaching, and which versions are good for what situations and challenges, in my perspective.
This is part of a series of sessions that aim to help you understand the various options for help available to you.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Ever want to know what actually happens in coaching sessions? This episode is story time. I’m going to give you a peek inside my office at what we did in several different sessions this week. Through these little stories, you will get a flavor of the kinds of activities we do in my particular coaching practice, and get a sense of the kinds of help available to you as an individual or a couple who wants to have a better love life. Take a listen and discover how progress and solving problems can actually be fun!
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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What can you do when you really want your partner to know what you want and they just don’t. You keep waiting and they keep not knowing and not doing it. You are disappointed, frustrated, or heartbroken (or all three). This is a recipe for disaster if you stay on the disempowering side of this. Take a listen and learn how to get out of this stuck place and move forward.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
This week we're diving into how "shoulds" sneak in and mess up our confidence, relationships, dating, and sex lives. Shoulds come from all kinds of places (society, religion, your grandma, that 2nd grade math teacher who said you had messy handwriting...whatever). They undermine us and our relationships, often subconsciously. Every time you let a "should" in, you're criticizing yourself or others and holding up standards you may not even believe in. Today I share a fun, easy tool to help you clean out your brain and free you up from these unhelpful, cognitive distortions.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Everyone has an attachment style. Knowing yours will enable you to manage relationships effectively as an adult, not just react at people. You'll feel much more able to communicate your needs, and much more in the driver's seat of your own experience in relationship, if you understand your own attachment style.
So join me while I break down the main attachment styles. I'll explain how to manage and even avoid conflict in relationships where you have different styles.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
In this special episode, I let you listen-in on a live session with client Kris (with her permission!). She and I tackle the topic of owning our own emotional desires when we’re in relationship. Think of our emotional desires just like sexual ones. Sometimes we know them, sometimes we don’t. Sometimes we want to ask for something, but we don’t really know how to ask. Or how we’re asking isn’t working – the other person isn’t receiving it the way we mean and we need to try something new. Sometimes we think everyone is wired the same way and of course they “should” know what we want…but just like sexual desires, that’s just not true. So we can’t expect everyone to magically know what feels good to us. This is true for sexual and emotional desires. We’re way way more likely to get what we want for both kinds of desires if we are asking clearly and not making anyone wrong – us or them.
Notice what it is you actually want to FEEL – not just the action you want your partner to take, but how you want to feel. Pick one overwhelmingly desired feeling. See if you can challenge yourself to make no one wrong – your partner isn’t wrong for not understanding yet and you aren’t wrong for wanting it in the first place. Ask how can we use this to connect and learn more about each other? How can I share about myself vulnerably here? Assume that one thing you think they need to do isn’t available or is impossible for whatever reason. Try on sentences or alternative things your partner could say or do to help you get the feeling you want anyway. When I say try it on, I mean really imagine it and see how it feels in your body.
Notice how great Kris is at embracing the "no one has to be to blame" part. Please don't expect to be a pro so quickly -- she has done a lot of personal growth work to build her capacity!
To try this out at home:Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Sleeping poorly really impacts your sex life. In today's episode we're going to look at this head-on. This is a super practical episode meant to offer concrete help.
Only use the bed for sleep and sex, and reading non-stressful materials. No tv, eating, phone. Time your caffeine, alcohol and chocolate ruthlessly. No caffeine 8 hours before bed. No alcohol or chocolate 4 hours before bed, and then only 1 serving. Exercise earlier in the day and be done by 3 hours before bed. You do need some exercise to sleep well, so don’t skip it, but it doesn’t have to be intense. Dark, quiet, cool bedroom with no tv. Use either light blocking curtains or an eye mask and ear plugs if you need them. Use blue-blocking glasses for any screen time in the evening. Regardless of your glasses, you need to turn screens off an hour and a half before bed. Seriously. Unplug. Darken your house when it gets dark outside – switch to lamps and led candles, dimmers down – or use amber lenses with blue blocking filters. Consider very low dose melatonin – like 1 to 3 mg, 1.5 hours before bed.Keep a receiving and wins journal. Write 3 things you received today, and 3 wins each day. This helps your mind go to sleep with abundance rather than anxiety. Create a bedtime ritual of things that feel good to you. Get up and go to bed at roughly the same time every day. If you do wake up or can’t sleep, don’t just let your brain spin out in anxiety. Give it something lovely to do: fantasize, go to a beautiful place in your mind, or get out of bed and journal if you need to.
I'll share effective ways to sleep better, and what is reasonable to expect from yourself and your partner when there are sleep challenges going on. If you or your partner struggle with sleep issues, don't miss this one.
Here are the 12 things to do to sleep better:Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
It is super hard when you feel stuck in the Big No. You feel like you always have to say no to your partner. You may wish you wanted sex, but the truth is that you don't. There are loads of good reasons for that (see episodes 3 and 4 for many of them!).
But it also just sucks to feel stuck there, worried about your relationship, worried if you'll ever feel differently. I am not here to tell you to change. In fact, I firmly believe there's nothing wrong with you. You are most likely having a very normal response to whatever the underlying situation is for you. We're not going to solve that in one podcast, but I can give you one simple thing to do to start feeling better. (It does NOT involve telling you to have sex when you don't want to!)
This is a simple and fun game to help you find what your body is a yes to, apart from sex. Check it out.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Today is all about how to build rejection resilience.
How do you deal with rejection by default? How do you feel? How do you actually want to feel? We're going to dive into how to feel better when we don’t get what we want from someone. I’ll share the 4 options for responding to rejection. I’ll break down which ones undermine and which ones support continued connection so you can choose your own adventure in response to rejection.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
When you're struggling with your sexuality, it's important to understand the landscape of help and healing options available. Sexological bodyworkers are one type of sex professional that many people don't know about. They are particularly helpful for certain sex challenges, and can really be helpful for people with numbness, pain, or difficulty achieving orgasm. In today's episode, you'll get to hear an interview with guest Rahi Chun, sex educator, sexologist and sexological bodyworker. Rahi will explain what this field is about, his particular approach, and we'll talk over how to find this kind of practitioner for yourself and what kind of situations you may particularly want to seek out a sex bod.
Key links:
Rahi's website: https://somaticsexualwholeness.com/
Sexological bodyworker directory: https://sexologicalbodyworkers.org/
More about NeuroAffective Touch (mentioned in episode): https://neuroaffectivetouch.com/about/what-is-neuroaffective-touch/Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
This episode will walk you through the 5 main types of emotional strings we attach to sex that can really tank a couple’s fun together. I'll explain why this can be a hidden, but very common, reason for sexual avoidance. Then I’ll help you inventory this in your relationship and start looking at how to release the weight so you can have more fun, carefree, pleasurable playtime.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Whether you’re partnered or not, flirting is such an important skill and one that most people don’t spend nearly enough time learning to do well. I sure didn't, but I was so excited to learn about how to flirt well.
This episode will help you understand why it's important to flirt-- including in long-term relationships. Plus, we'll cover how to avoid creepy or needy vibes, how to appreciate people’s looks without de-humanizing them, the 6 key ways to flirt, and how to use grounded sexual energy to make your flirting actually work well for you and your lucky receiver.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Most of us don’t talk openly and honestly about our relationship and sexual challenges. So it’s no wonder that we look around us at everyone else and assume they are having great sex and easy relationships. Today we're talking about how that mistake can actually harm us.
We're diving into the incredibly common habit of "Compare and Despair" as it applies to our relationships and sex lives. We'll talk about why you are more normal than you may think, no matter what struggles you're having, and why assuming others are are having better, easier relationships is 1) not true and 2) not helping you. We’ll also talk about how to stop this energy sapping habit, and how that can help you feel better now, while also making it easier to make changes you'd like for your future.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Are you feeling disappointed about anything in your relationship or sex life?
Disappointment in relationships and sex is super normal. Some disappointment is because the situation is really not working for us and we need to take some sort of action (like leave, have some tough conversations, or get help). Other disappointments are simply because it's not possible for another person to give us 100% of what we want all the time.
Today we're taking a look under the hood at this second kind of disappointment. The kind that happens when our partner can't give us everything we want. Everyone runs into this at some point. When we stop resisting our disappointment and start accepting and even laughing at it, we get a lot of our power and energy back. We're better able to stay connected and make good decisions about what realistically needs to change.
This episode will help you understand and normalize feeling disappointed and frustrated about not getting everything you want. It will help take the burden out of it and give you some ideas about how to let yourself be disappointed without letting it poison your sexual and romantic connections.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
Attuning well to your partner feels great for both of you. It enables emotional intimacy, which makes sexy time way better and much more likely to happen. It's also key for the special kind of non-verbal communication required in physical intimacy. But how do we do it well?
This episode will walk you through how to attune well to your partner. It will also help you avoid the top 3 big things that get in the way of attunement, understand how to differentiate attuning from projecting on someone, and give you a satisfying, easy practice that will help you get great at it.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
This episode is a must for anyone diving into or interested in dipping a toe into the world of BDSM. We cover everything from basic definitions: what is BDSM? How is it different from kink? What are the differences among Dom(mme)/Sub play, Sadomasochism, and Bondage and Discipline? How do you find a local scene or partners? What are some things to watch out for? What are some of the best things about BDSM and what kind of freedom might you find in that type of sexual play?
I'm joined by Femme Domme and fellow coach Thistle AKA Coach Rose. You can find her at: https://www.thistleandrosecoaching.com/ or on Fetlife under Coach Thistle.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
This episode helps couples troubleshoot problems around initiating sexy time. In it, I guide you through how to talk over two of the most important topics for you and your partner to cover:
1) How are we dividing up initiation and do we both like the split? If not, what kind of split might feel better to each of us and why?
2) Are the initiation styles we've been using working as well as they can for both of us? How can we improve them?We'll cover some styles of initiation that can fall flat and why, plus other common pitfalls. I'll also help you distinguish between initiation problems and other sexual challenges in relationships. As always, this episode will emphasize the need to ensure ongoing consent, pleasure, and enthusiasm from each partner, rather than assuming that "initiation" means some sort of foregone conclusion.
Join me and discover how to troubleshoot your own challenges around initiation today.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
If you regularly feel ashamed, defensive, less worthy than others, or underconfident -- that's your inner critic at work. You may not realize that an inner critic gone wild isn't just harming you, it's harming your relationships and sex life.
All of us can be mean to ourselves occasionally, but when it's a regular pattern it makes us feel awful, kills our mojo, and undermines our relationships. If you have that pattern, you probably learned it long ago and have been doing it for years. But you don't have to keep the habit.
This episode unpacks the difference between self-indulgence and true self-compassion. It will show you how to know which you're doing, and how to shift into self-compassion when you most need it.
Stopping the habit of allowing that inner critic to run rampant is a gift to yourself, your loved ones, and super important for great sex and relationships. So join me and get started today.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
This episode covers the 3 main arousal styles. Only one is commonly depicted in media, but all are very normal and very common in reality. Most people have one dominant and possibly a secondary. Knowing your arousal style is part of discovering the manual to your own turn-ons and very helpful for communicating with your partner about what you like.
Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. -
It can be hard to know what to do when you're partnered with someone who is starting to heal from sexual trauma. They may be pulling away sexually. You may be feeling rejected, resentful, and/or disappointed. You may want to support them, but not know how.
Today we’re going to cover the key things you can do to support your partner’s healing and your intimacy together. Four things are oriented specifically towards how you interact with your partner and four are oriented towards supporting yourself.
Join me and let's help you both stay connected and get to the other side.Get the free guide Find Your Secret Turn Ons to discover the roadmap to your best sex life at https://laurajurgens.com. You can also learn more about me and how to inquire about coaching availability.
Get a transcript of this episode by going to https://sexhelpforsmartpeople.buzzsprout.com/ Click on the episode, then choose the transcript tab.
PS: If you are offended by some swearing, this podcast is not for you. - Visa fler
