Avsnitt
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Indigo Stray Conger has been a therapist since 2008 and has completed over a decade of therapeutic training. She is one of less than ten AASECT certified sex therapists at a supervisory level in the state of Colorado.
During our conversation, we delve into what somatic psychotherapy entails and also the role of EMDR in trauma healing, and the challenges of intimacy in relationships.
As we discuss, trauma can turn up in relationships in many forms can impact on both the psychological and physical barriers to intimacy, which can prevent singles and couples from fully exploring the many ways to experience sexual pleasure.
EMDR is a tool I have used myself to try and overcome phobias and also behaviours that don’t serve me well. If you’re unfamiliar with the technique, EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing is most commonly used to treat PTSD, but now is used to solve a range of issues.
It involves recalling the traumatic episode, or the particular fear, and then through specific eye movements and some other type of stimulation (talking, for example), the brain reprocesses the memory and reduces its significance in your mind. It may sound woo-woo, but it’s actually not and very quickly can help in situations where the traumatic episode is quite specific (at least, that was my own experience).
We also touch on the importance of consent, proper sex eduction and how sexual orientations such as asexuality and demisexuality are gaining recognition.
You can find Indigo here:https://milehighpsychotherapy.com/meet-the-therapists
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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What happens when you’re no longer having sex in a relationship and is there a space for a different type of intimacy when sexual intercourse is no longer present in it.
This is the topic I discussed with Leora Lightwoman, whom I have met previously, both on the show and in real life! As a tantric practitioner, Leora is familiar with meeting couples whom struggle with sexual desire but want to remain intimate with each other.
We delve into the liberation from traditional sexual roles, the importance of redefining sexual energy and connection, and the need to create space for intimacy. Leora emphasises curiosity and mystery in long-term relationships, the challenges of communication, and the significance of making intimacy a priority.
She also highlights the importance of playfulness, devotion, and honouring the body as it changes, ultimately celebrating transformation and new beginnings in sexual relationships.
I enjoyed hearing her practical tips for how to build and sustain a close relationship with one’s partner.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new and well received 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
If you’re not a frequent TikTok user, you may have missed the buzz around the hashtag #bushtok, a lively debate about whether to embrace a full lady garden, opt for a Hollywood (take it all off), or go Brazilian (leave a small landing strip).
Most of the women weighing in on this debate are younger, many of whom likely grew up in the shadow of pornography. Let’s be honest, unless you’re into vintage 70s ‘Behind the Green Door’ type material, pubic hair is rarely seen on performers. This cultural backdrop fuels the assumption that pubic hair serves no purpose (which it absolutely does) and, therefore, should come off.
But the resurgence of the bush signals a shift. Women are waking up to the idea that they do have a choice when it comes to their pubic hair, and many are choosing to keep it.
For us older women, it’s a different story. Some of my friends have never touched it, while others prefer to take it all off. In Cap d’Agde, the naturist village I’ve often visited in France, the trend is clear: French women of all ages go for the full Hollywood, total hair removal, no matter what their age. In fact, it’s rare to see anyone there with pubic hair, as both men and women have embraced the completely hairless look.
This week on the podcast, I sit down with Sam Feldman, author of Hookups, Hiccups, and Happenstances, to share our opinions on pubic hair. And let me tell you—you might be surprised by where Sam stands on it all!
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new 32 page booklet, Sex Toys & Supplements for Thriving in Later Life, my private chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will thank you for it. :)
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Hookups, Hiccups, and Happenstances is a collection of erotic short stories that capture the spirit of the era when attitudes toward sex were being redefined. Set in the wild, libertine world of the 60s and 70s, Sam’s stories follow the character of Butch, a man admired by both men and women for his unapologetic embrace of sexual freedom. The book explores encounters that celebrate human desire, autonomy, and mutual pleasure, offering a refreshing and boundary-pushing perspective on relationships.
You can buy it here.
Find Sam on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sam.l.feldman
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Once whispered about in hushed tones, the topic of painful penetration is finally finding its voice. It’s surprising, as well as alarming, how many women endure this struggle in silence, putting up with traditional sexual intercourse through gritted teeth, simply because it hurts too much.
For older women, pain during penetration is often blamed on hormonal change but it’s not just about biology. There’s the fear that can be as a result of trauma, an accident, for example, that can make penetration feel like an insurmountable hurdle. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s a partner or something as clinical as a speculum; the result is the same. For some, like my guest Dr. Amanda Olson, it was an accident so severe it turned intimacy into agony. Her journey, though, led her to something remarkable: retraining as a pelvic floor therapist and founding Intimate Rose, a company that creates vaginal dilators and other tools designed not just to heal, but to rediscover pleasure.
When Amanda and I spoke, we dived headfirst into the subject of dilators - how they work, who they help, and why they matter. We explored their role in managing conditions like vaginismus, that frustratingly misunderstood tightrope between mind and body. Amanda explained how combining dilators with carefully guided exercises can be life-changing, transforming what once felt impossible into something empowering.
But here’s the issue that comes up so often during my podcast conversations which is that so many women struggle to access this kind of support. Why? A shocking lack of education among healthcare professionals. The resources are there, the tools exist, but too often the system leaves women fumbling in the dark, feeling dismissed or ashamed for even asking.
It’s a conversation long overdue, and one that’s only just beginning.
If you have enjoyed this podcast, please comment, subscribe, share.
The more people I can reach about how to enjoy sex in later life, the more likely I am to help remove the stigma around this topic.
00:00 Introduction to Intimate Health Solutions
02:54 Understanding Vaginal Dilators
06:05 Addressing Pain and Mobility Issues
09:02 The Role of Breathing Techniques
11:59 Supporting Emotional and Physical Healing
15:06 Collaboration with Healthcare Professionals
17:59 Advocating for Sexual Health
21:01 Impact of Cancer on Sexual Health
23:52 The Importance of Early Intervention
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Bob Mizek-Menopause for men and I connected through Substack, where he’s been sharing his journey following prostate cancer surgery. His writing tackles the highs and lows of that experience including dealing with medical professionals of varying skill levels and learning to advocate for his own sexual health.
What I truly admire about Bob is his raw honesty. He’s candid about the challenges he’s faced, both in the bedroom and beyond. From navigating treatment options to rethinking assumptions about menopause and hormonal changes, Bob’s journey has been one of growth, resilience, and discovery. He openly discusses how his illness has deepened the bond with his partner, especially in how they communicate about sex.
Bob’s determination to ensure other men don’t feel overlooked or ignored, as he once did, is inspiring. He’s now writing about his own version of the "Male Menopause," exploring the impact of significant hormonal changes, and inviting others to join the conversation. You can follow his insightful and moving reflections on Substack.
Thank you, Bob, for your honesty and generosity in sharing your story with the Sex Advice for Seniors audience!
Please leave a comment or a question as we’d love to hear your thoughts and please do share if you found our conversation of value.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my new and highly regarded 32 page booklet, Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber! Your sex life will improve as a result!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £6.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources that will help you to become a better lover. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
In this episode, I reconnected with my former co-host, the wonderful Zoe Kors. Though we’ve never met in person, she feels like a kindred spirit, and I absolutely love her to bits!.
It had been months since our last chat, but like old friends, the conversation flowed effortlessly. I was eager to catch up and hear what she’s been up to since we last recorded together, back when another former co-host Peter Marriott joined us.
As always, we had plenty to talk about - sex, relationships, and dating in later life. We touched on the role of sexologists in helping couples navigate their sexual life, often having gone through couples therapy, and the fascinating impact they can have.
Zoe’s been working on a memoir, as have I, and we traded stories about the highs and lows of writing about our personal lives. It’s a challenge to create something deeply honest yet engaging for readers and know where to draw the line when it comes to saying too much, or too little.
We wrapped up by sharing our plans and aspirations for the future. It was a joy to catch up, and I hope you enjoy the show. If you do, please leave a comment. We love hearing from our listeners!
00:00 Reconnecting and Reflecting on Change
02:58 The Role of Sexuality in Therapy
05:54 Navigating Sexuality and Relationships
09:05 The Journey of Self-Discovery
12:01 Embracing Aging and Sexuality
15:01 Writing and Creative Expression
18:03 The Importance of Community and Connection
21:03 Life Transitions and Personal Growth
23:53 Curating a Joyful Life
26:59 Future Aspirations and Retreats
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
What actually goes on when you attend a session with a sex therapist and what are some of the tools they use to try and help singles and couples to overcome their challenges around sex.
After a hundred or more episodes, in which I suspect I have overlooked many of the practical aspects of sex therapy, I decided to use my conversation with Dr. Denise Renye to get into the nitty gritty of her profession.
We begin by addressing the natural nervousness many of her clients feel when stepping into therapy for the first time. Dr. Renye reassures us that this is completely normal and shares practical tools to help ease into the process, creating an environment where they can feel safe and understood. She then introduced me to the "Wheel of Consent," a powerful tool that clarifies how we can navigate our desires and boundaries.
We also talked about the practice of sensate focus, a method that encourages couples to reconnect with their partner by focusing on touch and sensation rather than performance. This approach invites them to shift their attention toward presence and shared experiences, helping to reignite the spark in their intimate lives. She reminds us that intimacy isn’t about perfection—it’s about being present with one another.
We also explored the importance of setting boundaries, a vital part of building trust and safety in any relationship. Dr. Renye guided me through ways we can establish and respect boundaries, helping us create relationships that feel secure and fulfilling. For those of us who may struggle with performance anxiety, she introduces the "4D Wheel," a tool designed to help us reframe our anxieties and approach intimacy with curiosity and compassion.
I hope you find these tools useful and would encourage you to find out more about them.
You can find Dr. Denise Renye here.
00:00 Understanding Sex Therapy
02:47 Navigating Nervousness in Therapy
06:08 The Wheel of Consent Explained
08:55 Comparing Consent Tools
11:46 Sensate Focus and Its Benefits
14:52 Re-engaging with Intimacy
18:07 Exploring Boundaries in Intimacy
20:59 The 4D Wheel and Performance Anxiety
24:00 Resources for Sexual Health
27:07 Closing Thoughts on Intimacy
Dr. Denise Renye has specialised training and has worked directly with people in the areas of sexuality, relationships, states of consciousness, psychedelic integration and intimacy. She holds several degrees and accreditations. You can find out more about her here.
Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors I had the pleasure of speaking with fellow Substacker Ally Iseman, a relationship coach and self-proclaimed non-monogamy nerd, about the nuances of ethical non-monogamy and its implications for older adults exploring new relationship dynamics.
This is an area in which I’m too familiar, having been in several relationships, both serious and casual, in which monogamy was not part of the construct. And I am now in a situationship, which has some degree of flexibility around it.
We delved into the importance of communication in relationships, particularly when considering non-traditional structures like polyamory and swinging. Ali emphasised that understanding and articulating one's needs and boundaries are crucial, regardless of the relationship style.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
We also discussed the challenges and misconceptions surrounding non-monogamy, such as jealousy and societal expectations, and how these can be navigated through open dialogue and self-awareness. Although monogamy comes with its own particular challenges, so do relationships that may involve multiple partners.
Our conversation highlighted the potential for personal growth and fulfilment through exploring different relationship dynamics, especially later in life when individuals may seek new experiences or have different emotional and physical needs.
Chapters
00:00 Exploring Non-Monogamy and Relationships
09:58 Communication in Non-Monogamous Relationships
20:10 Understanding Jealousy and Compersion
30:04 Navigating Relationship Dynamics in Later Life
You can find Ali here:
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
I’m always intrigued by what inspires ‘sexperts’ to help others navigate the challenges within their sexual relationships. For many I’ve met, their journey into this field is often deeply personal, shaped by their own experiences and struggles.
In this recent conversation, intimacy coach Anna Marti, whom I have met before, shared her path to becoming an intimacy coach. Her journey was profoundly influenced by her experiences with trauma in relationships, particularly with a long-term partner who had a traumatic sexual history. Their shared effort to rediscover sexual pleasure and connection ultimately motivated Anna to pursue a career as a counsellor and learn how to heal others who found it difficult to move on from their traumatic past.
Our discussion delved into the cultural influences on sexuality, the critical role of communication in intimacy, and the importance of redefining pleasure beyond conventional ideas of sex. Anna highlighted the value of bridging body and spirit, dispelling misconceptions about intimacy, and embracing playfulness in relationships.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Intimacy Coaching
03:01 Understanding Trauma and Relationships
05:59 Exploring Sexuality and Cultural Influences
08:56 The Role of Communication in Intimacy
11:51 Redefining Sex and Pleasure
15:06 Bridging Body and Spirit
18:02 Misconceptions About Intimacy
21:11 Finding Playfulness in Relationships
23:54 Key Takeaways on Connection and Healing
You can find Anna here: https://annamarti.com
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
It was great to welcome back Amara Charles to Sex Advice for Seniors, a relationship and sexual empowerment expert and best selling author of three books. I really love this woman - she has a wonderful calm energy about her and she positive lights up when she talks about her work.
In this episode I was keen to delve into the practise of concept of Quodoushka, which represents the fusion of energies to create a greater whole. Amara is an expert on this ancient practise, having written a book about it, and believes there are nine male and female genital anatomy types--such as Coyote Man or Buffalo Woman.
I know it all sounds very woo woo, but when Amara is talking about it, it actually makes perfect sense because I certainly have known men who liked to howl like a coyote during sex (I used to worry he would wake up the neighbours).
Amara discusses the three essential pillars of ageless sexuality: embodied presence, resonant communication, and sexual alchemy. Through personal stories and insights, we explore how understanding one's genital anatomy can enhance sexual experiences, the importance of acceptance in pleasure, and the potential for growth and vibrancy in sexuality as one ages. Ultimately, I’m a great believer in that whatever system works in helping us become closer, more intimate, with our partner(s), the better. And Amara has certainly witnessed, as we discussed, the transformative power using Quodoushka can have on our clients.
If you’d like to find out more about Amara visit her website:
https://amaracharles.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@amaracharles7203
Here Mystic Rapture Couples Intimacy Retreat is being held in Costa Rica May 3-10, 2025. It sounds AMAZING.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Kodoshka and Amara Charles
10:32 Understanding Genital Anatomy Types
22:53 The Third Pillar: Sexual Alchemy
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
One of the recurring topics in my conversations with older people is how to navigate a sexless relationship, especially when one person in the partnership wants more sex than the other.
Having spent the last four years of my own marriage celibate, I am familiar with this dynamic. In my case, my sexual dissatisfaction was not defined by my ability to orgasm (which I had always taken control of) but more of an inability to communicate my desires and a lack of vernacular around sex and overall confidence to even know how to start the conversation.
In my conversation with sexologist Renée Yvonne we discuss the challenges of navigating sexless relationships, the importance of communication about desires, and the need for understanding female pleasure.
We explore how sexual satisfaction impacts overall well-being and the emotional toll of unmet sexual needs. Renée shares her experiences and insights as a certified sex counsellor, offering practical advice for couples to enhance intimacy and connection.
There’s no age-specificity when it comes to learning how to talk about sex. Whether with a new partner or in a long-term relationship, we can all benefit from improving our communication skills in this area.
00:00 Navigating Sexless Relationships
09:55 Communication and Desire
20:01 Understanding Female Pleasure
29:57 The Impact of Sexual Satisfaction on Well-being
You can find Renée Yvonne here:
www.thegensexologist.com
Listen to previous episodes of her The Gen SeXy Podcast here.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire and pleasure without shame. Join them - subscribe now and you’ll receive my freebie - Top 10 Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex.
If you'd like access to exclusive features like personal posts, my upcoming guide Getting Started with Sex Toys, a chat room, direct messaging for your burning questions, and Substack Live sessions with expert guests, consider becoming a paid subscriber!
Annual membership is just £49.99 (a better deal than £9.99/month) and supports the work behind creating weekly podcasts, managing social media, collaborating with health professionals, and producing valuable resources. This isn’t just a hobby—it’s my passion and profession.
Your subscription helps empower older individuals to feel sexually confident and access tools for pain-free, pleasurable intimacy.
What others are saying:
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
“First of all, let me tell you how awesome I think you are and how valuable I think your Substack is.”
“Your work is one of my new found joys. Thank you.”
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe -
Rose Rouse is the editor of the social enterprise Advantages of Age and Now magazine on Substack, which we founded together back in 2016 to challenge the media narrative around ageing. She also happens to be one of my good friends.
We share many of the same views on ageing, believing that getting older doesn’t mean being "past it." We both enjoy wearing flowers in our hair from time to time, shopping sustainably, exploring out-of-the-way places, and generally being curious about life.
However, when it comes to relationships, we’re quite literally miles apart. I prefer the men I’m involved with to be within a 30-minute to one-hour proximity, while Rose has been in a decade-long relationship with a man who lives about six hours away. I’m not very monogamous, whereas she is deeply monogamous.
I thought it would be fun to explore what it’s like to have a "living together apart" (LTA) relationship and how Rose has managed to make it work for so long—especially when health issues arise, for example. We ended up diving deep into the topic, so much so that by the end she said to me, “And we didn’t even get to the sex part!”
That’s true—we didn’t. So, I suspect we’ll have to revisit that in another episode. (I try to stick to 30 minutes to keep things engaging and prevent boredom from setting in.)
You can follow and subscribe to Rose’s own Substack, thespirited70something.
00:00 Introduction to Unique Relationships
01:12 The Beginning of Rose and Asanga's Journey
06:19 Maintaining Emotional Connection
11:22 Balancing Independence and Commitment
15:06 Celebrating a Decade Together
19:38 Navigating Aging and Future Challenges
24:04 Family Dynamics and Relationship Growth
25:11 Mature Love and Personal Growth
27:24 The Decision to Share a Bed
30:54 Conclusion and Future Possibilities
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In this episode of 'Sex Advice for Seniors', me and somatic psychotherapist Erica Shershun, Author of Healing Sexual Trauma Workbook, discuss the pervasive issue of sexual trauma, particularly in light of recent high-profile cases such as Gisele Pelicot. We explore the impact of rape culture, the importance of recognising trauma symptoms, and effective healing techniques.
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Erica shares insights from her work with trauma survivors, addressing common misconceptions about trauma and healing, and introduces her new guided journal aimed at helping individuals navigate their healing journey.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Sexual Trauma Awareness
01:48 The Impact of Rape Culture
13:17 Healing Techniques for Trauma Survivors
22:52 Recognising Trauma Symptoms
26:51 Misconceptions About Trauma and Healing
28:56 New Resources for Healing Sexual Trauma
Erika’s new Healing Sexual Trauma Guided Journal is available now via Amazon.
"I just finished listening to your podcast! I felt like I was sitting around the dinner table with friends, finally able to talk about what no one else does."
Want to go deeper? Join The Intimacy Insider Membership for exclusive advice, unfiltered stories, and expert reviews that will transform the way you experience intimacy.
🚀 Introducing The Intimacy Insider Membership for only £9.99 or £49.99/year.
What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts and me in the chat room.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for ageing bodies - COMING SOON!🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence on Substack Live.
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Darlaine and I have met before, and in this conversation we talk openly and honestly about the challenges of sexual health, especially for women after breast cancer. We shared some of our personal experiences and talked about how hormonal treatments can impact intimacy, as well as the importance of taking care of vaginal health.
We also discussed how lifestyle choices can make a big difference, busted a few myths about feminine hygiene products, and looked at environmental factors that contribute to breast cancer. For me, the biggest takeaway was how much we need better education and support when it comes to sexual health, especially for women as we get older.
Chapters
02:57 Personal Experiences and Challenges
05:54 Exploring Sexual Health Post-Breast Cancer
09:02 The Importance of Vaginal Health
12:01 Understanding Hormonal Treatments
15:02 The Impact of Lifestyle on Sexual Health
18:05 Debunking Myths About Feminine Hygiene Products
20:58 Environmental Factors and Breast Cancer
24:01 Navigating Intimacy and Aging
26:53 Addressing Sexual Health Concerns
29:52 Conclusion and Future Conversations
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It was great to have Ena Xena back on the show, recently back from a winter in Goa and glowing. The last time she was on the programme we talked briefly about her work in ‘Human Design’ - a set of energy types that helps us to understand how to show up in the world, and how others relate to us.
Similar to the astrological chart, in that energy types are defined according to birth date, time and place (only three months before your actual birth occurs). “Human Design offers a map of your unique genetic design, with detailed information on both conscious and unconscious aspects of yourself.”
In this episode, we discussed Ena’s forthcoming workshops - one on Human Design and the other about Full Body Orgasms (where you are fully clothed!).
These will be taking place on the Union Canal, London, from 23rd February - 1st March and are entirely FREE, funded by the London Borough of Kensington & Chelsea.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Human Design and Workshops
03:04 Exploring Human Design Energy Types
06:11 Understanding Relationships through Human Design
09:01 The Role of Energy in Relationships
11:55 Full Body Orgasm Workshop Overview
14:50 Navigating Sexual Energy and Confidence
17:53 The Importance of Communication in Relationships
21:02 Normalising Conversations about Sexuality
23:46 Conclusion and Workshop Details
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One of the perks of my ‘job’ is occasionally being offered incredible freebies I can’t refuse. My massive sex toy collection is one example, and another is the post I wrote about a sensual massage I received from Colin Richards.
After nearly two hours of being massaged and sensually stroked by the country’s leading sensual masseur, I felt as though I’d just returned from a week-long holiday (one where I’d been liberally coated in oil). It was divine, and I was eager to catch up with him to hear about his latest venture—a web-based channel for those who enjoy both giving and receiving sensual massage.
While it may seem niche, more and more people, especially later in life, are exploring sensual massage as a way to revive their libido, deepen their connection with a partner, and fully embrace pleasure. In the world of massage, however, advertising these services can be tricky, as they often sit somewhere between adult work (even though penetration is typically not involved) and traditional massage.
That said, the sensual masseurs I’ve met take their work very seriously, ensuring that clients’ boundaries are respected and that the experience aligns with what the client is seeking.
Currently, the networking platform operates as a Telegram chat group called Intimacy Matters. This is described as “the first phase of creating a networking platform to unite sensual massage lovers and general sensualists.”
Colin explains: “To qualify to join, you should take great pleasure in giving and receiving erotic intimacy or, ideally, have some experience in sensual massage. You should appreciate intimacy and connection during sex. Empathy, authenticity, and being a good person should form the core of your values.”
To get access too the chat group you must complete the Application Form
00:00 Introduction to Sensual Massage and Community Building
05:58 Creating a Safe Space for Intimacy
12:03 Exploring Consent and Boundaries in Sensual Experiences
18:11 The Future of Intimacy and Sensuality for Older Adults
You can find Colin Richards at:
Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/Intimacymatters
Twitter; https://twitter.com/IntimacyMatters
Website: https://www.intimacymatters.co.uk
Colin is a member of The Association of Somatic & Integrative Sexologists
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I have a very large sex toy collection, most given to me for free. When friends have come over and seen the overspilling box of toys next to my bed, the most common reaction is, “Wow, how do you find the time to use all of that?!'“
Here's the thing: testing out sex toys is a job like any other, and nobody knows that better than my guest, Ralph Greco. He has been reviewing toys for websites, magazines like Hustler, and anyone else willing to pay him for over a decade. As a result, I suspect he has a much larger toy collection than I do. I don’t envy him for that, though, because toys take up space, are mostly not recyclable, and we have only so many erogenous zones for which a vibrating device can enhance our pleasure.
Ralph is very funny and it was great to dive into the world of sex toys and our respective experiences using them. For those who have not been initiated into the world of sex toys, Ralph and I discuss how to get started, what does or doesn’t make a sex toy useful, the growing interest in prostate play amongst older men. We also touched on what to do when you have accumulated too many toys - is it OK to sell them on secondhand toy/underwear/pantyhose sites?
We we also delve into the evolving landscape of men's pleasure products, discussing the shift in perception towards adult toys for men. And we debate the balance between simplicity and complexity in product features, while humorously contemplating the future of pleasure with the potential rise of robotic companions.
00:00 Introduction to Naughty Writing and Erotica
06:01 Exploring Prostate Play and Older Men
13:57 The Challenge of Toy Accumulation and Disposal
19:12 Exploring Men's Toys: A Shift in Perception
25:31 Safety and Quality: The New Standards in Adult Toys
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Ralph’s New Book is out on Valentine’s Day! It’s called Sex: Everything You Didn't Know You Needed to Know and is co-authored with M. Christian.
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Ken and I had a conversation last year about his relatively new business focused on supporting men with erectile dysfunction. His goal was to help them navigate the U.S. healthcare system and address their challenges in achieving and maintaining an erection.
Having experienced this issue firsthand and struggled to find a helpful healthcare provider, Ken wanted to save other men the time and effort. He wanted to work with them to understand their circumstances and experiences, ultimately providing a tailored recovery pathway.
Unfortunately, as we discussed in the show, he found it challenging to reach potential customers, who, I suspect, felt too ashamed to discuss their sexual health with another man who lacked a PhD, despite being a fully qualified sexologist and training with the Dr. Rachael Institute.
Our conversation delves into the stigma surrounding ED, the role of lifestyle and health in managing the condition, and the need for men to advocate for their sexual health. We also explore societal expectations of masculinity and the performative nature of male sexuality, as well as advancements in ED treatments and the importance of a holistic approach to health. Ken emphasises the need for open conversations about ED and the resources available to help men navigate their sexual health challenges.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Erectile Dysfunction
01:24 Ken's Personal Journey with ED
03:17 Understanding the Underlying Causes of ED
05:12 The Role of Lifestyle and Health
08:03 Advocating for Sexual Health
10:28 Breaking the Stigma Around ED
12:00 Marketing Challenges in ED Coaching
13:54 Societal Expectations and Masculinity
16:50 The Performative Nature of Male Sexuality
19:31 Advancements in ED Treatments
22:21 The Importance of Holistic Health
25:20 Navigating ED as a Lifelong Journey
29:03 Conclusion and Resources for ED
https://www.healthysexualitywithken.com/
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What Members Get:🔹 Personalised Advice Sessions – Submit your questions for private, in-depth answers from experts.🔹 The Ultimate Sex Toy Guide for Older Adults – In-depth reviews on what actually works for older bodies.🔹 Unfiltered Erotic Stories & Real-Life Experiences – Not just fiction—raw, real stories from people like you.🔹 Behind-the-Scenes Book Excerpts – Exclusive sneak peeks before publication.🔹 Exclusive Access to Upcoming Workshops or Virtual Events – A live Q&A or discussion panel on topics like dating after loss, exploring new desires, and body confidence.
Thousands of people are finally talking about intimacy, desire, and pleasure without shame. Join them—subscribe now.
Get full access to Sex Advice for Seniors at www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe - Visa fler
