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Today, we're diving deep into the people-pleasing trap and how it pulls us away from living in alignment with our true values. If you've ever found yourself saying "yes" when you really wanted to say "no," this episode is for you.
What makes this worth listening to:
Understanding where our people-pleasing tendencies come from and how they take over our decision-making process.How constantly trying to fit in and make others happy can lead us away from our core values and create a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction.How using your values as a template can help you make decisions that reflect what truly matters to you, not just what others expect.Ready to stop letting people-pleasing run your life? Start by identifying your core values and using them as your decision-making template.
Mentioned in this episode:
James Clear’s Values Assessment Guide https://jamesclear.com/core-valuesPodcast with Brene https://open.spotify.com/episode/0nwDfromS0ZNJAtqEqmjQE?si=r9kDTq2GQC-AYOQKc8Wj_wLet's get to know each other:
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/vicki-smith-5897b714a/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Want to take action on what you've heard?
Schedule a time to talk.
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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In this episode, we explore how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy provides a step by step approach to connect with our inner selves using eight guiding principles, known as the 8 Cs: Calm, Curiosity, Compassion, Clarity, Creativity, Connection, Courage, and Confidence.What makes this episode worth listening to:
The Importance of a Strong Foundation:
Achieving true calm and confidence involves more than fleeting moments of these feelings. Without a solid foundation built on all the Cs, you might feel calm or confident, but it's not coming from YOU most likely, but the external circumstances lining up in just the right way.
Courage and Confidence in Practice:
Courage is not just about bold actions taken by talking yourself up, but involves setting boundaries and speaking up from a place of inner strength and clarity.
Confidence is about having a steady inner sense of self, knowing one's values, and trusting oneself.
The 8 Cs are more than just concepts; they are tools for creating a life that is rooted in self-awareness and intentionality. By embracing these qualities, we are able to navigate life's challenges with resilience and authenticity.
All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Linkedin - https://www.linkedin.com/in/vicki-smith-5897b714a/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Another way we can hang out - - - we can work together! Like in real life!
Schedule a time to talk.
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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In this episode, we dive into how the next few C words from the 8 Cs of Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help transform anxiety. Building on our last discussion about the importance of calm, we explore how calm, curiosity, and compassion lead to clarity and creativity in dealing with anxiety.
The following are the aspects of Self Energy we explore:
Clarity and Creativity:
See how maintaining calm, curiosity, and compassion can lead to greater clarity and new perspectives on our emotions.Find out how clarity opens the door to creativity, enabling us to brainstorm and explore new options for addressing our challenges.Connecting with Yourself:
The importance of self-connection and understanding are vital before reaching out to others.Get practical tips on how to connect with yourself through creative problem-solving and self-care.All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Another way we can hang out - - - we can work together! Like in real life!
Schedule a time to talk.
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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The Pixar movie Inside Out 2 is the inspiration for this episode. And being an Internal Family Systems therapist/coach, I had to use the movie to talk about parts! In the movie, anxiety takes a leading role in the life of the main character. This results in impulsive, reactive, and frenzied behaviors. Even though this is a kid's movie, oh can we relate! We all know anxiety can drive us to people-please, strive for perfection, and act out of fear.
To counteract anxiety, I'm going to introduce you to a part of yourself that you might not usually rely on: Self energy, or what I like to call Heart Wisdom. This concept, inspired by IFS (Internal Family Systems), encourages us to lead with qualities that foster a proactive approach to managing anxiety.
This is the first in a short Power Pod summer series on the qualities of Self Energy. Enjoy!
Nervous System Freebie mentioned in the episode: http://subscribepage.io/KNF3Nq
All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
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What it’s about:
People react to each other—it's just how things go. Most of us are bumping up against others, unconsciously hoping those bumps won't hurt us or them because we don’t like conflict or tension. But here’s the deal: we are acting like feeling tension warrants going into survival mode. It doesn’t. And there is another way to work with the fear of upsetting someone.
It's parts work. In this episode, we'll dive into Internal Family Systems (IFS) to understand not only what is going on under the surface that makes us feel so triggered, but how to help ourselves relax back from relying a little too much on this protective stance in relationships.
Interesting parts of the episode:
Know Your Parts: Learn about the different parts of your personality and how they influence your reactions.
Reduce Fear: Exploring how fear-based reactions, like people-pleasing and perfectionism, stem from a desire to feel safe.
Empathy in Action: Apply your knowledge of parts work to create more genuine and less reactive connections with others.
Links and Resources:
Free Parts Mapping Session: Interested in learning more about IFS? Here’s the link to get on the calendar! https://calendly.com/vicki-46/free-internal-family-systems-mapping-session
Further IFS exploration: Here’s a BLOG on the 8 C’s of Self Energy – a big part of IFS work. https://powertothepleasers.com/2022/01/04/the-8-cs-qualities-of-strength-stability-and-resilience/
Also check out No Bad Parts - https://ifs-institute.com/store/419 for Richard Schwartz latest book on IFS.
All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Another way we can hang out - - - we can work together! Like in real life!
Schedule a time to talk.
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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Friendship is strange isn’t it? You make this unspoken agreement with another person to do what together? You aren’t dating. You aren’t co-workers. You aren’t “committed” like a life partner. What exactly are we agreeing to when we become friends? And how do you know if you are getting out of the lines of the agreement?Someone tells you. And if you are lucky, they are respectful and responsible about sharing their experience of your waning commitment. Today I share with you a recent exchange between myself and a friend that modeled for me the RIGHT way to do friendship. Welcome to a vulnerable share about how I was a bad friend and got called out on it.What makes this episode worth listening to:
Simple questions to help you do a Relationship Audit.3 respectful ways to share hurt feelings with a friendHow doing consistent inner work busts up long standing shame.All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Taking it to the next level! Let's talk about working together!
Schedule a time to talk.
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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One of my clients inspired this episode after a few big ah-ha moments in a session.
They finally let their irritation and fatigue guide them to a balanced way of being naturally kind and generous.
And now you get the benefit of their hard work!
What makes this episode worth listening to:
Discover how you’re confusing people by “just being nice.”Get honest about who you are into and who doesn’t make the cut.How to use what you value as a guide to decide how you spend your time and energy.All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Want to do more than listen?
Well, hit me up and let's talk about working together!
Schedule a time with the link below:
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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Today I am talking about the main thing that keeps people pleasers and perfectionists from setting boundaries – fear! I am going to walk you through a mindfulness practice to help you feel more relaxed as you can build the courage to confidently set boundaries and say “no” when you need to.
Join me in this episode to learn how you can stop letting fear get in the way of not only boundary setting, but pretty much anything that stops you in your tracks.
In this episode:
Debunking a common myth about boundariesHow awareness puts you in a position of powerMindfulness exercise that desensitizes you to discomfortFreebie:From Shaky to Confident – Free guide to calming the F down!
https://subscribepage.io/KNF3Nq
Links:
Like what you hear? Let’s talk for a few to see how I can help!
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
Join the email community! subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.comYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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One of my pet peeves started this episode topic off – how social media posts about “boundary setting” are full of shit. Thankfully I have resolved my irritation, and I am sharing how you can as well.
I’d like to invite you to bring your OUTSIDE voice back into the rotation. Well, actually it’s the INSIDE voice that I am calling OUT.
This is all the things you practice saying in the shower or in the car and you never can imagine saying them IRL out loud.
I’ve got some good ideas about how you can make the IRL thing actually happen. What makes this episode worth listening to:
I ask you some super thought-provoking questions right at the beginningWhy you’ve said this more than you’d like to admit - “I’d never say that to their face!”How to start moving the big boulder of FEAR that keeps you silent and resentful.All the ways we can hang out and get to know each other:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@powertothepleasers2020/videos
Another way we can hang out - - - we can work together! Like in real life!
Schedule a time to talk and see if what I offer matches what you want to feel better about!
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/20min
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Decisions scramble people pleasers. We want to make sure everyone is happy with what we choose, but that will never happen. Hard to hear, but it’s the truth.
Harder to hear is the reality that we, as pleasers, do not often consider OURSELVES when it comes to making decisions. We get lost in what other people want or what others are doing. No rocking the boat right? In this episode I share how I got totally lost and made a stupid decision that I still live with today. Not an earth shattering one, but one that got my attention and basically that is the main point of this episode – attention and awareness. Enjoy listening to me completely forget my mindfulness practice and get caught up in belonging with the group.
Highlights and take aways from this episode:
Link to mini course on decision making using Internal Family Systems.https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/
A simple 4 word mantra to guide you in decision making.The super power of getting comfortable with discomfort.Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
No More Back and Forth – A mini course on Decision Making using Internal Family Systems
https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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Fear of conflict is on every pleaser and perfectionist’s list of “I-wish-this-wasn’t-such-a-big-deal-for-me”. It’s time to break this mountain of fear down! Because it is O L D!I’ll share a few reasons this fear has taken over, where it came from and then give you skills to move through fear (really any kind of fear) so you can feel more solid, more capable and more adult like when you need to have a conversation.
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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Cut to the chase episode using mindfulness to work with negative stories that cause us to waste time and energy replaying past events. This is a common sticking point for people pleasers - over analyzing past conversations and worrying x10 that we upset someone or we were selfish and dominated the conversation.
Listen to this short episode to find out how to work with this runaway train of worry thoughts and ease up on yourself. Peace out Pleasers!
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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It’s so easy to get caught in the decision making dilemma of – do I choose what is best for the other person or do I choose what is best for me?People pleasers live in an inner tug of war with their pleasing side wanting to keep the peace and their fledgling boundaries side wanting to protect their time and energy.
How do we get you off of this back and forth decision making conundrum?
Today I share how you can stop the fighting and start listening to these different parts of your personality.
Things to watch out for in this episode:
How to change your inner critical voice to a guiding consultant voice.How to shift your feelings of shame and fear around anger to being more appreciative of its message.The coupon code for the FREE mini-course on decision making for people pleasers! *Good for 48 hours from recording of show – March 13, 2024*https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/?coupon=REEL24
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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Guilt is a killer for people pleasers. We hate feeling it but we feel it all the time. Even when we haven’t done anything! And guess what? Most of the stuff we do isn’t bad enough TO feel guilty about!!!
The habit of Guilt is messing with your ability to set boundaries plain and simple. It's making you believe you are harming someone when you aren't - you are just setting limits. And everyone has the right to do that.
Today I share how we can lean into guilt and learn from it. Yes, that sounds horrible and no it won’t be half as bad as your mind makes it out to be. Which is my whole point with guilt in the first place! Your mind and your avoidance of conflict are screwing with your perspective.
Can you tell I get fired up about this topic?
Also discussed in this episode:
Two new ways of looking at this dreaded emotion.How empathy makes you feel guilty when you don’t have to.Guidelines and mindful questions to help you surf the wave of guilt instead of it pulling you under. *Can be used for any difficult feeling*.Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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It’s pretty easy to lose ourselves in a relationship with an emotionally immature parent. Their need for our emotional soothing trains us to pay close attention to their moods and behaviors instead of stay in tune with our own experiences.
Today we go back to basics and turn our attention towards our own internal experiences. It’s time to re-learn who we are from the foundational ground up!
Also discussed in this episode:
The connection between not knowing yourself and a lack of self confidence.How self knowledge is vital for clear decision making.Mindfulness practices for the body, mind and heart.Links:
No More Back and Forth
The mini course on how to feel more confident in your decision making. I use Internal Family Systems to walk you through the two parts involved in decision making – the pleaser and the boundaries part. Finally break free from the ultimate people pleaser’s dilemma – “Do I choose what is best for YOU or what works for ME?”
https://powertothepleasers.thrivecart.com/no-more-back-and-forth/
Connect with Vicki:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk! https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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Being in a relationship with an emotionally immature parent/person has its challenges. We often feel worn out after interactions because we are doing all the emotional heavy lifting. Let’s give you a break from this weight workout.
Today I share how we can take the lead in these interactions and preserve our energy when and if we are around these folks.
Also discussed in this episode:
How to let go of the fantasy of the other person changing.Two skills that will keep you from getting caught in their emotional drama.Scripts to help you feel more in the driver’s seat during convos.Questions for determining your personal engagement continuum.Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Vicki:Join the email community: https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
Unleash Your Authentic Self Guide - https://subscribepage.io/pMJWsW
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Our parents are the ones who taught us how to be in the world. How to interact with other people. The rules of life if you will. We gotta take them into account when we get curious about how we became pleasers and perfectionists. Not to blame them, but to get a holistic understanding of our relationship patterns. In this series I break down Emotionally Immature Parenting so you get a chance to understand some significant influences in our relationship development. This episode is the eye opening one. I lay it all out for you and share personality traits, interaction styles and ways to step out of the pattern for a minute and get an outside perspective on some relationship traps you may fall into with your parents. Next episodes are on how to interact with both your parents and other emotionally immature folks in your life and then how to deprogram this pattern for yourself. Learning about EIPs was a huge step in me unhooking from how I related to my parents for a long long time. To our emotional freedom!
Also discussed in this episode:
The top 4 personality traits of an Emotionally Immature Parent/Person.The DIRECT CONNECTION having an Emotionally Immature Parent has on our people pleasing and perfectionism.An absolutely necessary TRUTHS list to print and repeat to yourself!Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here:
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Join the email community! https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Links to freebies:
https://powertothepleasers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/TRUTHS-list-for-Adult-Kids-of-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-2.pdf
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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Pleasers and perfectionists can have this admirable quality of being super understanding and giving people the benefit of the doubt. And…it can become a not-so-great-quality if we don’t keep it in check.
It can make us very tired and pretty resentful.
In this episode I go back a little bit to our kidhood and explore where our try-try-try efforting in relationships began.
Also discussed in this episode:
The common denominator in all our relationships.An unconscious mantra I want you to walk away from right now!How dog training relates to our early nurturing experiences.Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here:
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Join the email community!
https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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The season of giving is here! And how ironic for a people pleaser because we give all year long! So what do we do to curb this natural tendency to keep on giving? Boundaries my friend. Boundaries make us more merry as we move into the holidays.
In this episode I share a guest episode where I talked with my friend Lauren Wolfe on her show Your Zen Friend all about holiday boundaries.
You can find out all about Lauren on the July 11th episode on Tapping or in the links below!
In this episode Lauren and I break down how to realistically set a boundary to keep your experience of the holidays light!
Cool stuff in this episode:
A step-by-step guide on what to do before you commit to another thing.The two biggest learning curves for pleasers when it comes to boundary setting.How to respond with kindness without overexplaining.Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Lauren:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1459988007829194
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yourzenfriendpod/
Website - https://www.laurencounseling.com
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
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People pleasers are famous for making OTHERS lives great. What about OUR lives though? We’ve learned to dismiss our natural human physical symptoms of what makes us happy. We have lost touch with ourselves, and I am here to re-connect you!
In this episode I give you an easy exercise that will help guide you back to what feels comfortable and life giving for YOU!
Remembering yourself is our own people pleaser and perfectionistic version of RESISTANCE! Also discussed in this episode:
How to tell if something is satisfying or out of alignment. What F.O.G. is and how it derails our happiness. What your calendar can teach you about your inner happiness level!Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website - https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
- Visa fler
