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The first episode of ON BOYS podcast went live March 12, 2018. Seven years ago!
Over the past seven years, we’ve talked to guests from around the globe: Maggie Dent, Michael Gurian, Amy Lang, ADHD Dude Ryan Wexelblatt, Steve Biddulph, Richard V. Reeves, Ruth Whippman, and so, so many others.
We’re talked about puberty, porn, school, ADHD, autism, entrepreneurism, motivation, sports, suicide, consent, respect, dating, and – again — so, so much more.
Jen’s boys grew up in that time. Her youngest is now 19; her oldest, 27. Janet became an Oma (a grandma) — and is looking forward to welcoming two more grandchildren this year! Boys’ & men’s issues are now part of national and international conversations, and we hope those conversations fuel continued change. Boys need and deserve our love and support too.
This will be the last Jen-and-Janet episode of ON BOYS podcast. We’ve loved sharing our lives & learning with you, and we thank you for trusting us with your questions and stories.
Remember: We’ve got seven years of content in our archives! When a new boy-raising concern comes up, run a search in our archives. Odds are good that you’ll find something to help you through. Jen will also continue her Substack newsletter, Building Boys Bulletin, so you can connect with her there. Janet will also continue family coaching — and soon, Jen & Janet will offer another session of their popular class, Boost Boys’ Motivation. (Want to be sure you get the info as soon as it’s available? Sign up for Building Boys Bulletin.)
Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s book here
Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call
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Raising Awe-Seekers, the first parenting book by author Deborah Farmer Kris, outlines a transformative approach to parenting based on joy, wonder, and curiosity.
Science, Deb says, shown that awe isn’t just a feel-good experience—it also helps kids develop resilience, strengthen relationships, and manage stress. But in a world filled with distractions and negativity, how do we nurture awe in everyday life?
Educator and author Deborah Farmer Kris joins Jen & Janet to discuss insights from her new book, Raising Awe-Seekers: How the Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive. She explains why awe is essential for children’s emotional well-being and how simple, daily moments—like watching a sunset, listening to music, or witnessing an act of kindness—can shape a child’s perspective and growth.
“Awe helps kids zoom out,” Deborah says. “It reminds them they’re part of something bigger.” And here’s the best part: You don’t need to take your kid on an epic adventure to cultivate awe—you just need to pay attention.
Takeaways:Awe can motivate positive action and change.Awe can reduce stress and improve mental health.Collective experiences of awe foster community and belonging.Curiosity is closely linked to experiencing awe.Fostering curiosity in children enhances their learning capabilities. Five minutes a day with your child is protective.Attention restoration theory helps improve focus and learning.The single most common source of awe is goodness.Awe and wonder can transform parenting.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Raising Awe-Seekers: How The Science of Wonder Helps Our Kids Thrive, by Deborah Farmer Kris
Raising Awe-Seekers — Deborah’s Substack newsletter
Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness, by Jamil Zaki
Deborah Farmer Discusses Emotional Literacy (& Awe!) — ON BOYS episode
Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s book here
Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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How do you respond to a 6-year-old boy who thinks he has to “play rough” to prove his masculinity?
How can you make space a small boy’s emotions when you also have other kids to keep on track?
And what do you do, exactly, when your formerly potty-trained son starts having accidents at school?
These are some of the questions Jen & Janet tackle in this Listener Q & A.
Takeaways:Boys often face developmental expectations that don’t align with their actual growth.Rough play can be a way for boys to express themselves, but it needs guidance.School stress and anxiety can manifest in physical symptoms Potty training regressions are common and should be approached with patience.Creative approaches can help redirect a child’s focus during emotional outbursts.Parents should not feel guilty about using screen time as a tool.Seeking support from parenting coaches can provide valuable insights.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Art of Roughhousing (w Dr. Lawrence Cohen) — ON BOYS episode
Teacher Tom Talks About Boys, Emotion, & Play — ON BOYS episode
Do Schools Create “Problem Boys?” — ON BOYS episode
Myths & Misconceptions About Boys — ON BOYS episode
Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands MalesGet Jen’s 2nd book here
Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call
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Do boys need a rescue plan?
The available evidence says yes. Collectively, our boys are struggling academically, socially, emotionally, and economically. Their academic, educational, and workforce involvement has decreased. Their suicide rates have risen. Ignoring these issues isn’t in our best interest.
Fortunately, more and more people are talking about the challenges facing boys & young men. But talking about boys’ challenges isn’t enough. We must act to improve outcomes.
Author and counselor Michael Gurian has spent the past 40 years thinking, writing about, and advocating for boys (and girls.). His latest project — Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development, a book he co-authored with Sean Kullman — outlines a path forward.
In this conversation, Michael, Janet, & Jen discuss their 7 point rescue plan:
Raise Boys To Thrive in a Three Family SystemProvide Seven Nurturing Elements to Boys Who Are In TroubleTrain All Schools in Boy-Friendly PracticesComplete Your Own Classroom Citizen ScienceCompel School Boards to Include Sex Differences in Annual Reports Decrease the Male Gender Gap in College EducationBuild and Support Community Programs That Help Boys Thrive Takeaways:Understanding male development is crucial for effective support.Trauma plays a significant role in boys’ behavior.Education systems need to adopt boy-friendly practices.Data collection is crucial for understanding and addressing educational disparities.Citizen science allows parents and teachers to observe and improve educational environments.The politics of masculinity can distract from real issues.Solutions for boys already exist and need to be implemented. Trauma in education can stem from systemic issues.Community programs should actively involve boys in their development.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development, by Michael Gurian & Sean Kullman
Gurian Institute — online home for all things Gurian (includes links to his books, classes, & upcoming events)
www.michaelgurian.com
Michael Gurian on Raising Boys — ON BOYS podcast episode
Global Initiative for Boys & Men — ON BOYS podcast episode featuring Michael’s Rescue Plan co-author, Sean Kullman
Global Initiative for Boys & Men
In His Words — Sean’s Substack newsletter
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How do we help boys along the path to manhood?
That’s a question Paul Cumbo, a veteran educator, has been asking for a long time. It’s one he’s well-positioned to answer too, given that he’s spent the past few decades of his life teaching, educating, and coaching teenage boys and young men. His latest book, A Path to Manhood, offers encouragement and advice to young men.
The available evidence suggests that our boys and young men need support and guidance. Too many have withdrawn from modern life, choosing to spend most of their time online. Too many feel unwanted, useless, and accused. Paul reminds boys and men that they matter. As he writes in the in the first chapter of his book, he doesn’t “buy the cultural narrative that men are simple.” He encourages young men to chart their own path through life, and shares how listeners can help boys on their journey.
Takeaways:Each person’s path to manhood is unique and must be navigated individually.Paralysis by analysis is a common issue among today’s youth.Boys crave to be needed and to contribute meaningfully.Long-term vision is essential for effective planning.Backtracking is a natural part of the journey.Transformative travel can provide profound experiences.Joy is deeper and more meaningful than mere happiness.Young men seek challenges and opportunities for growth.Experiences of genuine joy are crucial for well-being.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:A Path to Manhood: Encouragement and Advice for Young Men, by Paul Cumbo
paulcumbo.com
paulcumbo.substack.com/ — Paul’s Substack newsletter
Camino Institute – info re the Young Men’s International Seminar (Note: there are still some spaces left for the 3rd Annual Young Men’s International Seminar, which runs June 14-21, 2025)
Wilderness Therapy with Paul Cumbo — ON BOYS podcast episode
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What if supporting Black boys could transform education for all students?
David Kirkland, founder & CEO of forwardED, believes it can—and research backs him up. In this episode, David challenges educators to put a deliberate focus on Black boys, not just to address persistent disparities in academic achievement and discipline, but because creating environments where Black boys thrive benefits every student.
Photo by Borce Coded via Pexels
“It’s not that Black males fail. It’s that we fail Black males,” David says. To change outcomes, we need to shift the narrative—from blaming students to examining how systems and practices fall short.
In this conversation, we explore:
Why Black boys remain the most vulnerable student population in U.S. schoolsHow the education system contributes to disparities in achievement and disciplineThe power of reframing: shifting from “fixing students” to transforming systemsThe role of funding, culturally responsive education, and policy changes in driving real progressHow focusing on the needs of Black boys leads to better outcomes for all studentsThis isn’t just about equity for one group—it’s about reimagining education so every child can thrive.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:www.forward-ed.com/
Reclaiming Possibliity: An Intentional Focus on Black Boys This School Year — article by David
Can We Talk? A Critical Examination of Cellphone Bans in Schools — article by David
Black Boys Matter — ON BOYS episode
Supporting Black Boys Mental Health (w Chandra White-Cummings) — ON BOYS episode
Boys in School Task Force — ON BOYS episode
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Imperfect men helped Greg Hlavaty become a good guy.
“I think what saved me were men who stepped in as surrogate fathers,” Greg wrote in a recent essay. Those men weren’t exactly role models: One, Greg says, “was openly racist and bragged about having lobbed bricks from overpasses in his youth.” The other was “a middle-aged alcoholic…who regularly taught class drunk.” But both “really listened” to Greg, encouraged him, and were “genuinely proud” of his accomplishments. They connected with Great — and that, as they say, made all the difference.
Make Room for Less-Than-Perfect MenLimiting boys’ contact with less-than-ideal role models might be harming our boys — and our men. In this conversation, Greg & Jen explore the surprising ways flawed, imperfect men can shape boys into compassionate, confident adults, as well as how we can encourage supportive connections between boys & men.
Takeaways:Surrogate father figures can have a profound impact on young men’s lives.Red flags in behavior should be assessed with context, not stigma.Accountability from mentors can guide young men towards better choices.Community involvement is essential in raising boys to be good men.Engaging in a child’s interests can strengthen bonds.Many men feel unqualified to mentor young people.Our culture often discourages intergenerational connections.Being present in a young person’s life can have a significant impact.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Stop Ignoring the Mental Health of Young Men — Greg’s essay
In Praise of Imperfect Men — Building Boys Bulletin post by Jen
What About Less-Than-Ideal Role Models? — Building Boys post by Jen
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Do you know what the parent amplification effect is?
Do you know how to use it your (and your kids’!) benefit?
“Because of children’s dependency on their parents, any parental remark – positive or negative – gets magnified in the child’s mind,” says Adam Galinsky, a social scientist, business school professor, dad of two boys, and author of Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself & Others. That’s the parent amplification effect.
“An offhand compliment can inspire a lifelong passion, while a critical comment may lead a child to abandon an activity altogether,” Adam says.
In this conversation, Adam, Jen, & Janet discuss how parents can use their words to positively impact their children.
Takeaways:Our words have meaning, but we won’t always say the right thing.Offhand comments can have lasting effects on a child’s self-esteem.Parents are not perfect and will make mistakes.Children are always observing, even when we think they aren’t listening.Awareness of our impact as parents is crucial for effective communication.Guilt can be constructive, while shame can be harmful.Children are resilient and can overcome negative experiences.We can learn to be more inspiring leaders and parents.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Inspire: The Universal Path for Leading Yourself & Others
How to Speak Up for Yourself — Adam’s TED talk
Listen to Boys & Young Men – ON BOYS episode
Nonverbal Communication with Boys — ON BOYS episode
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What happens when we prioritize independence over connection? According to Dr. Niobe Way, a developmental psychologist and author of Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, it creates a “boy culture” that isolates boys and diminishes their relational skills.
Dr. Way has spent 40 years studying boys and uncovering the challenges they face as they navigate societal expectations of strength, autonomy, and self-reliance. Her research shows that these cultural messages undermine boys’ natural relational intelligence and hinder their ability to build and sustain deep friendships.
In this episode, Dr. Way dives into the critical role of relationships in mental health and human flourishing—not just for boys, but for all of us. She explains how cultural norms, rather than biology, shape male behavior and outlines practical steps parents and educators can take to nurture boys’ emotional and relational capacities.
Dr. Way also shares powerful insights from her research, including the wisdom of a 7th-grade boy who noted, “When we make things biology, we think we can’t change it.” This episode is a call to rethink how we support boys—and ourselves—in building the connections we all need to thrive.
Takeaways:The stereotype of the self-sufficient man is damaging not only to boys but to society as a whole.Boys are born with the same relational intelligence as girls, but cultural conditioning suppresses it over time.To support boys, we need to normalize conversations about relationships and model emotional vulnerability.Fostering deep connections can improve mental health and combat harmful cultural narratives about masculinity.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:www.niobe-way.com
Rebels with a Cause: Reimagining Boys, Ourselves, & Our Future, by Dr. Niobe Way
Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships & The Crisis of Connection, by Dr. Niobe Way
Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World, by (U.S. Surgeon General) Vivek Murthy
Pink Brain, Blue Brain: How Small Differences Grow Into Troublesome Gaps – and What We Can Do About It, by Dr. Lise Eliot
When Boys Become Boys: Development, Relationships, and Masculinity, by Judy Chu
The Listening Project
Dr. Friendtastic on Boys & Friendship — ON BOYS episode
Why Now is the Best Time to Raise Boys (w Michael Reichert) — ON BOYS episode
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Play is a powerful tool for parenting & child development.
Mr. Rogers once said “Play is serious learning” and “the work of childhood,” and we and our guest, Georgie Wisen-Vincent, couldn’t agree more.
That’s not to say or imply that play is serious or work in the way that most of adults think of “serious” or “work.” Rather, it’s to underscore the fact that play — as fun as it can be! — is not a frivolity. It’s not trivial or unimportant at all. In fact, it’s absolutely vital for health human development.
“Play is essential for long-term success,” Georgie says. Yet no one really teaches parents how to engage in & support their children’s play. In this episode, we share some fun, easy strategies you can use to play with your kids.
Takeaways:Short moments of play can have significant developmental benefits.Involving children in household tasks can be a form of play.Play helps build emotional connections and communication skills.Using play can make daily routines more enjoyable for families.Children learn empathy and social skills through play. Repetition in play is crucial for neural development.Children often express emotions through playful scenarios.Pretend play allows children to process aggression safely.Joining children in play can ease transitions from screens.Nature provides a nurturing environment for play.Incorporating play into daily life strengthens family bonds.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm, Confident Kids, by Tina Payne Bryson and Georgie Wisen-Vincent
The Center for Connection
PlayStrong Institute
Teacher Tom on Connections & Play-Based Learning – ON BOYS episode
Gun Play & Boys – ON BOYS episode
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Modern male puberty starts sooner than you think.
Boys today may enter puberty as early as age nine. That’s why your 10-year-old’s mood swings might actually be linked to these new hormonal shifts. As Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett point out in their book, This Is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, the first sign of puberty often comes with a slamming door.
Why Parents Miss the First Signs
Many parents aren’t ready for male puberty. Early physical changes can be subtle, and they usually appear just as boys begin seeking more privacy. According to Vanessa, it’s entirely possible you won’t notice the initial stages of puberty until your son’s behavior shifts dramatically.
When Your 10-Year-Old Acts More Like a Teen
Puberty hormones—mainly testosterone—don’t just change bodies; they shape moods, too. Sudden spikes are associated with outbursts and that well-known “swing to silence” so many adolescent boys display. Pediatrician Cara Natterson explains these hormone surges can escalate and crash within hours, and that emotional roller coaster is often what you see when your son acts like “a jerk.”
They Dislike the Swings, Too
Kids don’t enjoy these wild ups and downs any more than you do. Their brains are awash in hormones they don’t yet know how to handle, causing confusion and moodiness. In addition, boys’ emotional regulation skills aren’t fully developed, which is why parents, teachers, and other adults need to show empathy while holding them accountable.
Offer Room to Recover
“We have to give boys the benefit of the doubt,” Vanessa advises, emphasizing that many feel ashamed after a blow-up. By giving them space to cool off, then reconnecting later, you let them know there’s a path to re-enter the conversation without judgment.
Weathering the Adolescent Storm
It’s normal to feel grief, fear, and frustration as your son navigates puberty. Boys often distance themselves from parents during this time, which can feel like rejection. Don’t forget they usually “come back” after they’ve crossed the threshold into more mature adolescence.
A Messy Yet Meaningful Journey
Yes, your son might seem smelly, messy, or downright disrespectful right now—none of which means he’ll stay that way, or that you’ve parented poorly. As Vanessa says, guiding boys toward kindness, empathy, and thoughtfulness is a winding road filled with bumps.
Respond, Don’t React
When tempers flare, remain calm. Give your son the space he needs, and circle back once he’s cooled down. Teach him about emotions in those quieter moments and seek additional help if needed. By walking alongside him, you’ll both be better prepared to handle the challenges—and rewards—of growing up.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:This is So Awkward: Modern Puberty Explained, by Cara Natterson, MD & Vanessa Kroll Bennett
lessawkward.com — Cara & Vanessa’s website (includes links to their books, newsletter, podcast, & talks)
The Puberty Podcast — Cara & Vanessa’s podcast (Don’t miss Jen on their podcast — Building Boys with Jennifer Fink)
Decoding Boys w Dr. Cara Natterson –– ON BOYS episode
The Truth About Parenting Teen Boys — the famous BuildingBoys post about 14-yr-old boys being a**holes
Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode
Guy Stuff: The Body Book for Boys, by Cara Natterson
Guy Stuff Feelings: Everything You Need to Know About Your Emotions, by Cara Natterson
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Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2024?
Photo by ALINA MATVEYCHEVA via Pexels
Your favorites include:
5. Needed: Boy-Friendly Schools
Tyler, a 16-year-old Texas boy, started struggling in middle school. Recess was no more. Classes were 90 minutes long. So, “he found it really hard to sit still in class,” says Julie Jargon, the Wall Street Journal Family & Tech columnist who interviewed Tyler for her series on boys and education. Now a high school student, Tyler suggests that “instead of making guys change the way they behave, maybe schools should change the way they’re structured.”4. Middle School: Misunderstood or Magic?
“This is a very pervasive story, that middle school is terrible. But it doesn’t have to be. We make it terrible by working directly against the developmental needs of middle schoolers and designing these buildings and classes in way that make their lives really hard,” says veteran educator Chris Balme, author of Finding the Magic in Middle School: Tapping into the Power and Potential of the Middle School Years.3. Modern Male Puberty is Awkward
Your son may well be annoying, thoughtless, disrespectful, disorganized, smelly, and messy during puberty. None of that means he’ll end up that way as an adult. And none of it means that you’re doing (or have done) something wrong.“The path to building kind, empathic, loving, thoughtful men is a very windy, bumpy road,” Vanessa says. “And at every step of the way, it can be really tempting to lose faith.”2. How to Raise a Healthy Gamer
“Right now, there is an antagonistic relationship between most parents & their kids around video gaming,” Dr. K says. “You think they need to cut back; they don’t think they have a problem. Then, as parents start to institute limits, children will try to undermine them. Even if you ‘win’ in this scenario, you lose.”It’s more helpful, he says, to establish a collaborative relationship.1. Set Boys Up for School Success
“It’s really essential that we, as parents & educators of boys, are preparing them to navigate the struggles within school,” says Dr. Todd (Jason) Feltman, author of Transforming into a Powerful Third, Fourth, or 5th Grade Navigator of School Success. “It’s not just the academic struggles but also the socialization, the physical and emotional struggles.”A few of our other 2024 favorites:
Color Blindness in Boys
Circumcision: Facts & Myths
FBI: Sextortion Targets Boys
Navigating Youth Mental Health in the Digital Age
Emily Edlynn on A Healthier Approach to Tech
Dr. Niobe Way on Reimaging Boys
Uplifting Black Boys Benefits All Students
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Gaming is a BIG part of boys’ lives today!
So, it’s no surprise that our March 14 conversation with Dr. K, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer, is our Listener Fav of 2024.
Dr. K (full name: Alok Kanojia) is a psychiatrist, dad, and life-long gamer. He knows video games and know what works. He also has deep compassion for gamers & their families. If you haven’t yet read his book, How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, we highly recommend it!
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:How to Raise a Healthy Gamer: End Power Struggles, Break Bad Screen Habits, and Transform Your Relationship with Your Kids, by Alok Kanojia (aka Dr. K)
www.healthygamer.gg — Dr. K’s website
Why are Video Games So Important to Boys? — ON BOYS episode
The Evolution of Esports — ON BOYS episode
Video Game Addiction — ON BOYS episode
Emily Edlynn on a Healthier Approach to Tech — ON BOYS episode
The Link Between Freedom & Video Games — BuildingBoys blog post
Why Boys Play Video Games – BuildingBoys blog post
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How often do we really listen to boys & young men?
Not nearly often enough! There’s been a lot of chatter lately about boys & young men, masculinity, and the growing gender gap in politics – and very little public input from boys & young men themselves. In this episode, Jen & Janet talk with Lance Walker, a 26 yr old man from Utah. Like so many males his age, Lance has learned that boys’ and men’s perspectives aren’t always welcome. As he says, “We are never given license to speak.”
We encourage you to listen as he describes his experiences in school (including being started on ADHD medication in 3rd grade) and in the world.
Takeaways:Boys’ perspectives on masculinity are often overlooked.There is a stigma associated with boys expressing their feelings.Open dialogue about gender dynamics is essential.Boys need to be included in conversations about their experiences.Understanding the role of community in boys’ development is important.Boys often feel shame in expressing their struggles.The future of gender discussions requires sensitivity and awareness. The emotional journey of becoming a man is complex and often fraught with societal expectations.Shame and responsibility are significant themes in discussions about masculinity.Perceptions of men as threats can lead to feelings of fear and vulnerability.Boys are often seen as needing to fit into a rigid educational model that may not suit them.Cultural perspectives on masculinity can shape how boys view themselves and their roles in society.Dialogue and understanding are crucial in addressing the challenges faced by boys and young men.The importance of recognizing boys as human beings with their own experiences and emotions.Educational systems may need to adapt to better engage boys in learning.There is a need for more voices from young men in discussions about masculinity and societal expectations.The conversation around masculinity must include diverse perspectives to foster understanding and growth.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Lance’s Substack
ADHD with Ryan Wexelblatt the ADHD Dude — ON BOYS episode
Talking to Tween & Teen Boys — ON BOYS episode
Sports & Masculinity — ON BOYS episode
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We gotta talk about male suicide and mental health.
If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for help in the United States. Call 988 or 800-273-TALK (8255). The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline is open 24 hours a day, every day. Services are also available en espanol.
More than 39,000 boys and young men die of suicide in the United States each year. The male suicide rate is 4 times that of females’ – and that fact isn’t widely known. Although there’s been a lot of discussion of the youth mental health crisis and suicidal ideation in recent years, few people are talking about the fact that most of those who die of suicide are boys and young men.
Anthony Tricarico was one of them. He was a “beautiful shooting star,” a young entrepreneur who loved snowboarding and bought a Camaro at age 16. Anthony died by suicide earlier this year, at age 16 1/2. From the outside looking in, Anthony had it all: a loving family, lots of friends, great grades, talent, and personality. His death was a shock to the community, as people realized, “If this could happen to Anthony, it could happen to any of us,” said his father, Neal Tricarico.
Takeaways:Autistic people/those on the autism spectrum are at increased risk of suicideCOVID-19 has had a profound impact on youth mental health.There is often a disconnect between autism support and mental health services.Support systems for families in crisis are often lacking.Seasonal changes can significantly affect mental health.Parental control is limited; love does not guarantee safety.Community support can provide immense comfort during grief.The importance of love and connection transcends loss.Achievements do not equate to fulfillment in children.Open conversations about mental health are essential.Creating a movement can honor lost loved ones and raise awareness.Grief can lead to profound spiritual growth and connection.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:AnneMoss Rogers on Suicide Prevention & Struggling Teens — ON BOYS episode
Loving Someone With Suicidal Thoughts — ON BOYS episode
What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide — ON BOYS episode
NAMI — National Alliance on Mental Illness (has support groups for parents!)
Suicide & Autism — a report from the UK
Neal's contact info:Email: [email protected]
Instagram: @nealtricarico
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/neal.tricarico/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nealtricarico/
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If you heard anything at all about the 2024 U.S. presidential election, you likely encountered the term "gender gap."
More than half of female voters (53%) voted for Kamala Harris; more than half of male voters (also 55%) voted for Donald Trump. Among young voters, the gender gap was even more pronounced: 61% of women aged 18-29 voted for Harris, compared to 49% of males.
Societal and political gender gaps are widening in other countries as well. Mark Sutton, director of The Boys Initiative & author of How Democrats Can Win Back Men, joins us to explore the factors underlying the gender gap and ways we can help boys and men thrive alongside girls and women.
Takeaways:The gender gap in voting reflects deeper cultural divides.Men's issues are often overlooked in political discourse.Human well-being should be a shared goal across genders.Health disparities show men dying younger than women.Political parties need to address the needs of all voters.Support for women's health should not exclude men's health.There is a growing discontent with both major political parties.Unity among moderate voters can lead to positive change.The future of gender representation is evolving positively. Support for women in leadership is crucial.Local involvement in politics can make a difference.Cultural backlash can lead to divisive movements.Understanding different perspectives is essential.The male vote plays a significant role in elections.Engaging in conversations about gender is necessary.Listening to others can foster better understanding.Systemic issues affect boys and young men.Advocacy for children's needs is a nonpartisan issue.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Men & the 2024 Election -- Mark's Substack
How Democrats Can Win Back Men: Why Understanding Male Voters & Their Issues is Vital for Democratic Victory -- Mark's book
The Boys Initiative
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How can we support our boys’ well-being during a youth mental health crisis? How can we help them navigate life in this digital age?
Katey McPherson has been working on these issues for years. Since we last talked in 2019, she and others have helped the state of Arizona pass a bundle of laws intended to decrease youth suicide. She’s also helped countless schools, communities, and families learn how they can support youth mental health in the current digital age.
In this episode, Janet & Katey discuss:
How to keep kids safe (safer?) when using school-issued computers & other digital devicesTargeting of kids on social media and online gaming platformsKids’ online relationshipsTech tools to help you monitor your kids’ online activitiesSchool shootings (and how we can prevent them)Talking to kids about suicidal thoughtsIncreasing the likelihood that your child will talk to you about tough thingsSupporting youth mental healthTakeaways:We are facing significant challenges affecting our youth’s mental health.Legislative changes can lead to improved suicide prevention resources.Parents must understand the limitations of school-issued devices at home.Social media can exacerbate feelings of exclusion and anxiety in youth.Community support is crucial in preventing school violence.Suicidal ideation often precedes violent actions in youth.Open communication about mental health is essential for parents.AI is becoming a critical tool in monitoring student safety.It’s never too late to implement changes in parenting strategies.Youth need coping strategies to deal with emotional pain.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The Hope Institute
What You Need to Know About Boys & Suicide (w Katey McPherson) — ON BOYS episode
Red Flags, Safety Nets, & School Shootings — BuildingBoys post
Katey's website is currently under construction. If you'd like to reach her, you can email her at [email protected]
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Do you know what the “man box” is?
Your boys do, whether they know the term or not. The “man box” is the set of expectations, perceptions, and behaviors that are considered “manly” in our society.
In this episode, Jen, Janet, and Ted Bunch, Chief Development Officer of A Call to Men, explore the complexities boys face in a world that still clings to outdated ideas about masculinity. Ted shares his perspective on how we can empower boys to live authentically, develop respectful relationships, and move beyond the limitations of the “Man Box,” which often keep boys from becoming their true selves.
Ted Bunch
Together, they discuss ways parents and caregivers can help boys embrace their emotions, communicate openly, and understand the importance of consent. Ted also addresses tough topics, including the impact of pornography, the cultural confusion surrounding sexual consent, and how societal expectations can distort boys’ perceptions of masculinity. Through honest, practical conversations, this episode gives listeners the tools to support boys as they navigate these challenges and to foster connections that build character, respect, and self-awareness.
In this episode, Jen, Janet & Ted discuss:How to help boys find and express their authentic selvesThe pervasive “Man Box” and how to break free of itWhy boys struggle to define consent—and how to helpPornography’s impact on boys’ relationshipsConversations dads and caregivers need to have with boysEncouraging boys to recognize the effects of their actions on othersUnderstanding and addressing the impact of sexual abuse on boysLinks we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:A Call to Men — includes helpful information & data, as well as links to their programs
Tony Porter’s TED Talk about the Man Box
What I’ve Learned Since My Son Came Out — article by Ted, mentioned at 38:37
The New Masculinity — ON BOYS episode
Empowering Boys to Challenge Rape Culture — ON BOYS episode
Gender Norms Limit Boys (& Girls!) — ON BOYS episode
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Puberty, perimenopause, and neurodivergence affects brains and bodies.
And in two or more of those things are going on in our household at the same time…well, things can get particularly challenging, says Amy Lang, founder of Birds & Bees & Kids.
Amy & Janet discuss it all in this ON BOYS episode
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:The 3 Key Things Your Neurodivergent Boy Needs to Know about Sex (and 3 Things You Need to Know)
Peri-menopause & Puberty: The Match Made in Heck – Get tickets here
Tue Nov 19, 2024 7:00 PM – 8:00 PM PST
Birds & Bees & Kids — Amy’s website
Resources recommended by Amy:
You Know, Sex: Bodies, Gender, Puberty, And Other Things
Sex Talks With Tweens: What To Say & How To Say It
Amaze.org/us
BARK (inside US)
Qustodio (monitoring outside US)
Sex Ed for Neurodiverse Kids – ON BOYS episode w Amy Lang
Keeping Boys Safe Online (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode
Talk to Boys About Sex (w Amy Lang) — ON BOYS episode
Puberty, Perimenopause, & Midlife Parenting — ON BOYS episode
Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call
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Raising boys isn’t easy. Living isn’t easy! But with patience, trust, and community support, it’s easier — & more pleasant.
In this wide-ranging conversation, Janet Allison & Jennifer L.W. Fink , the hosts of ON BOYS podcast, discuss the reality of raising boys in 2024.
Takeaways:Nobody has it all figured out.Letting there be room for not knowing is crucial.Learning to tolerate discomfort is part of the process.Trusting the unfolding of our children’s development is essential.You are a different parent than you were a year ago.Boy development is trustworthy and unique to each child.Watch your boys, not the clock; focus on their growth.Look at your kid, not the milestones set by society.Parenting is the greatest personal development course.Let go and let us be your safety net.
Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode:Dealing with Change, Anxiety, & Energy (Listener Q & A) — ON BOYS episode
Trust — BuildingBoys blog post
Trust Your Boys — BuildingBoys blog post
Breakthrough Session for Family CoachingSchedule your no-cost call with Janet at https://boysalive.com/call
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