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If youâve ever felt stuck in the push-pull of craving connection but fearing it, or if chaos seems to follow you in your relationships and career, this newsletter is for you. Disorganized attachment, or what I like to call surveillance specialists, impacts many people in ways they might not even realize. For a deeper exploration of disorganized attachment, check out my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
In this newsletter, weâll explore:
* How disorganized attachment develops.
* The ways it impacts relationships, career, and self-confidence.
* A practical tool to help you create calm and resilience.
What Is Disorganized Attachment?
Disorganized attachment often develops in childhood in response to inconsistent or frightening caregiving. Imagine being a child whose caregiver is both a source of comfort and a source of fear. This might look like:
* A parent who is loving one moment but harshly critical or aggressive the next.
* A caregiver who neglects emotional needs but unexpectedly demands closeness.
Mary Ainsworthâs Strange Situation study demonstrated how children with disorganized attachment exhibit conflicted behaviors. They may freeze, appear confused, or approach caregivers hesitantly, unsure whether theyâll receive comfort or punishment.
This unpredictability wires the childâs brain to live in constant fight or flight, scanning for threats even when none are present. While disorganized attachment is often linked to neglect or abuse, it can also result from repeatedly broken trust in non-abusive environments.
How It Affects Adulthood
Disorganized attachment often shapes a personâs inner narrative with deeply ingrained self-statements that impact relationships, career, and personal goals:
* âI deserve to suffer.â
* Leads to tolerating toxic behavior in personal relationships.
* Manifests in the workplace as avoiding opportunities or promotions due to feelings of unworthiness.
* âI hate you, donât leave me.â
* Reflects a fear of abandonment and anger at closeness.
* Shows up as jealousy, frequent arguments, or "testing" loyalty in romantic relationships.
* âI canât control my emotions.â
* Results in impulsive decisions, like overreacting to conflicts or quitting a job abruptly.
* âMy life is in constant chaos.â
* Creates instability in adulthood, from chronic procrastination to an inability to maintain supportive routines.
In relationships and work life, these patterns can make it difficult to build trust, regulate emotions, and achieve personal goals.
A Practical Tool: Safe Space Visualization
To calm the fight or flight response often triggered by disorganized attachment, I recommend Safe Space Visualization. This exercise can also benefit anyone looking to reduce stress and cultivate resilience.
Hereâs how it works:
* Find a Quiet Place:Set aside 5-10 minutes where you wonât be disturbed.
* Deep Breathing:Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 counts, and exhale for 6 counts. This activates your bodyâs relaxation response.
* Visualize Your Safe Space:Picture a place where you feel completely secureâa cozy room, a serene beach, or even a childhood memory.
* Engage your senses: What do you see, hear, smell, and feel? Imagine the warmth of the sun, the sound of waves, or the softness of a blanket.
* Anchor yourself in the moment: Picture being fully immersed in this space, free from worry or judgment.
* Use Affirmations:Repeat calming phrases like: âI am safe. I am capable. I can handle this moment.â
* Transition Back:Open your eyes slowly and carry the sense of calm into your day.
Why Safe Space Visualization Works
This practice isnât just for those with disorganized attachment. It can help anyone by:
* Reducing Stress: Lowers cortisol levels, helping you stay relaxed and focused.
* Enhancing Emotional Regulation: Trains your brain to respond calmly to stressors.
* Boosting Resilience: Builds an internal anchor for times of uncertainty.
* Improving Focus and Creativity: Helps reset your mind when thoughts feel scattered.
Your safe space is always available to you, offering calm and clarity whenever you need it. Whether youâre facing a stressful moment or simply want peace, this practice reconnects you with a sense of control and ease.
Iâd love to hear how this exercise works for you! Feel free to reply and share your experiencesâor any creative twists youâve added to make it uniquely yours.
Wishing you calm and clarity,
Dr. Judy Ho
P.S. If you found this helpful, share it with someone who could use a little extra peace today!
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Do you often rely on external achievements or social praise to feel good about yourself? Struggle to trust others or prefer to tackle challenges alone? Maybe you hear an overly critical inner voice in your head.
If any of this sounds familiar, you might have an avoidant attachment style. Avoidantly attached individuals often:
* Struggle with intimacy,
* Tie their self-worth to their achievements, and
* Overfocus on tasks to avoid uncomfortable emotions.
In this newsletter, weâll explore how avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in your life, and what you can do to cultivate healthier, more connected relationships. For more on avoidant attachment and the hidden ways it impacts your life, check out my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
What Causes Avoidant Attachment?
Attachment styles are deeply rooted in early life experiences, particularly the dynamics we had with our primary caregivers. For individuals with avoidant attachment, these early relationships may have lacked consistent emotional warmth, support, or validation. Caregivers might have been emotionally unavailable, dismissive of a childâs emotional needs, or overly focused on achievement rather than connection.
In such an environment, a child learns that expressing vulnerability is either unsafe or futile. For instance:
* If a child seeks comfort but is met with indifference or criticism, they may begin to suppress their emotional needs to avoid rejection.
* If emotional expression is discouraged or invalidated, the child might internalize the belief that emotions are a sign of weakness.
* If caregivers emphasize independence to an extreme, the child may equate self-sufficiency with worthiness.
Over time, these experiences shape a defensive coping strategy: emotional self-reliance. The child grows into an adult who avoids emotional intimacy, prefers independence, and often struggles to trust others. While this attachment style is an adaptive response to an emotionally distant environment, it can create barriers to forming deep, fulfilling relationships later in life.
The Pros and Cons of Avoidant Attachment
Despite its challenges, avoidant attachment isnât all bad. In fact, many people with this attachment style develop traits that serve them well in certain areas of life:
* High Achievement: The focus on independence and self-reliance often translates into a strong work ethic and drive for success. Avoidantly attached individuals are often seen as go-getters who achieve their goals with determination and discipline.
* Calm Under Pressure: Their ability to compartmentalize emotions allows them to remain composed in stressful situations, making them reliable leaders and decision-makers.
* Charisma and Sociability: While they may keep relationships at a surface level, their confidence and charm can make them enjoyable company, especially in social or professional settings.
* Resilience: Their self-sufficient nature equips them to navigate challenges independently, building a strong sense of personal resilience.
However, these strengths often come with significant downsides, particularly in the realm of emotional connection:
* Difficulty with Intimacy: Avoidantly attached individuals may keep others at armâs length, avoiding vulnerability and deep emotional connections. This can leave their partners or loved ones feeling distant or unimportant.
* Overreliance on Achievement: By tying self-worth to accomplishments, they may develop a workaholic mindset, using tasks as a way to distract from uncomfortable emotions. This can lead to burnout and a persistent sense of dissatisfaction.
* Emotional Avoidance: To maintain their independence, they often suppress their emotions or dismiss the emotional needs of others, which can create a lack of depth in relationships.
* Self-Criticism: A harsh inner voice often drives them to set unrealistically high expectations for themselves, leading to feelings of inadequacy, even in the face of success.
As you can see, avoidant attachment is a double-edged sword. While it fosters traits like independence and resilience, it can also hinder meaningful relationships and emotional fulfillment. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward balancing the positives with intentional efforts to build trust, vulnerability, and connection.
The Small Steps of Connection Exercise
Healing avoidant attachment is a journey of unlearning old patterns and building new habits that encourage trust, vulnerability, and emotional connection. The key is to reframe emotional connectionânot as a risk but as an opportunity for growth, fulfillment, and deeper relationships.
Healing from avoidant attachment doesnât mean losing your independence or ambition; itâs about learning to incorporate emotional intimacy into your life in ways that enhance your well-being and relationships. In my book, The New Rules of Attachment, I delve deeper into healing attachment styles, but hereâs a simple exercise to get started.
This exercise is particularly effective because it encourages reflection, emotional awareness, and small, actionable goals, which are essential for people with avoidant attachment styles. These steps will not only help you connect more authentically with others but also nurture a sense of emotional safety within yourself, setting the foundation for healthier relationships and greater well-being.
* Morning Check-InSpend 5 minutes identifying how youâre feeling. Write it down: âI feel anxious about todayâs meeting,â or âI feel excited to catch up with a friend.â Acknowledging your emotions is the first step to reconnecting with yourself.
* Set a Daily Connection GoalChoose one small way to emotionally connect with someone. For example, send a quick text to a friend: âThinking of you!â or thank a colleague for their help.
* Practice VulnerabilityShare one personal feeling in a safe interaction. Instead of saying, âIâm fine,â try, âIâm feeling a little overwhelmed, but Iâm working through it.â
* Listen IntentlyWhen someone shares, resist the urge to give advice. Instead, say, âThat sounds challenging. How can I support you?â
* Celebrate Your EffortsAt dayâs end, reflect on a positive interaction. Write down one insight, such as, âI felt good sharing my feelings, and my friend was supportive.â
Over time, these small actions help build comfort with vulnerability, creating stronger connections and greater well-being.
Take the First Step
The next time youâre feeling disconnected, try one of these small steps. Even a simple text like, âIâd love to catch up soonâhowâs your week going?â can open the door to connection without feeling overwhelming.
You deserve fulfilling relationships and meaningful connections. Start small, and let me know how it goes! If you found this helpful, share it with a friend. Together, we can all work toward healthier relationships.
Check Out My Mental Wellness Advent Calendar!
Every year, I create a mental wellness advent countdown calendar with a simple tip to strengthen your mental health every day. The holidays are an especially challenging time for many people, which is why I started this tradition years ago to make sure we are being intentional about taking care of our well-being. Join me in this 31 day challenge (and itâs ok that we are already into the first week of December - you can start this on any day of this month, or any other month)!
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Maybe youâve felt the pang of fear when someone doesnât text you back right away.
Perhaps youâve avoided voicing your needs at work, worrying it might upset your boss.
Or maybe you need frequent validation, like needing to hear âI love youâ or âYouâre doing greatâ to feel secure.
These can be telltale signs of anxious attachmentâand let me tell you, youâre not alone. Anxious attachment is one of the most common insecure attachment styles.
In fact, this attachment style has been linked to chronic people-pleasing, shaky self-esteem, and even professional struggles. And it doesnât just affect usâitâs a hot topic in the lives of celebrities too. (More on that in a minute.)
Here, weâre going to look at where anxious attachment comes from, how it impacts your relationships and career, and, most importantly, what you can do to heal. For a deeper exploration of this topic, check out my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
What is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment starts in childhood, often in relationships where care or affection was inconsistent. As a child, you might have felt unsure if your caregiver would be there when you needed them. Fast forward to adulthood, and this uncertainty becomes a blueprint for your relationships and even your career.
A great example? Actress Kristen Bell has openly discussed how therapy helped her overcome patterns of anxious attachment in her marriage. She shared that she used to struggle with needing constant reassurance and approval, which made her feel emotionally vulnerable. (Fun fact: I actually acted with her in an episode of Veronica Mars. I share my experience working with her in the most recent Mental Health Bites episode).
On the career side, research from Frontiers in Psychology reveals that anxious attachment can lead to lower workplace satisfaction and productivity, often because of a fear of rejection or failure. Think about it: if youâre constantly second-guessing your performance or seeking validation, that emotional toll can block your professional growth.
Hereâs the core of itâanxious attachment leads to chronic people-pleasing. Why? Because your self-esteem relies on external approval. This can keep you stuck in a cycle of seeking validation and feeling unfulfilled when you donât get it. Sound familiar?
Anxious Attachment in Childhood
Anxious attachment usually develops early in childhood. Anxiously attached children realize their caregivers may not be able to meet their needs, but they also need to accept whatever support they can get because their survival depends on it. As a result, they behave in ways that are designed to keep parents as close as possible while also concealing qualities they believe are undesirable to their parents.
Over time, the inconsistent bond with their caregivers causes them to tread carefully with their parents and become chronic people pleasers so their loved ones wonât abandon them. Consequently, their own feelings, desires, and needs are often stifled or buried.
Anxious Attachment in Adulthood
As adults, anxiously attached people depend on other peopleâs constant positive reinforcement and approval to maintain their self-esteem, self-worth, and overall sense of self. They may use people-pleasing behaviors as a way to maintain relationships, ensure support, and reduce their anxiety.
Many adults with anxious attachment find social settings more stressful than the average person because they worry about what others think of them, often focusing on the negative while filtering out the positive. This can lead to thoughts of imagined rejection, second-guessing interactions, and believing they are solely to blame for any bad outcomes.
How Anxious Attachment Can Affect You in the Workplace
There is a lot of information out there on how anxious attachment can affect a person in romantic relationships, but far less information about how anxious attachment affects other realms of life - like oneâs career. Anxiously attached individuals may constantly seek approval from their colleagues and make an extra effort to be liked by everyone at work. This can make it difficult for them to speak up in meetings out of fear that they might be ridiculed or their ideas might be rejected. It can also lead them into the trap of groupthink, or burning themselves out trying to impress their colleagues or a supervisor.
If a day or two goes by without positive reinforcement, this worker may begin to question their own productivity, likability, and value as an employee. Colleagues may tire of having to constantly reassure these workers, and may create distance in that workplace relationship, provoking even more anxiety and self-doubt for the worried warrior. Worried warriors might have problems starting projects or making decisions without getting othersâ input and approval, limiting their ability to innovate and grow. As leaders, their people-pleasing tendencies might get in the way of making more effective decisions.
Fear of negative evaluations might keep these employees confined to their comfort zone to avoid criticism or disparagement. Because anxiously attached people put a negative filter on most interactions, they can feel underappreciated and dissatisfied, which can cause them to invest less in their work identity and quit jobs sooner than others.
âIâm Not as Worthy as Others.â
This is a core belief that I often find anxiously attached people ascribing to. Part of the reason people with anxious attachment have such a low sense of self-worth is that they have a much higher, more universally positive view of othersâ worth. As a child, they strongly desired caregiver approval and attention, and may have prioritized these desires over building a healthy self-concept. Growing up, that person may have developed beliefs that they are unworthy, unlovable, or incapable. Then, through selective bias, which is a largely subconscious process, this person pays more attention to events and situations that might support these negative core beliefs, which causes them to strengthen over time.
If their primary caregivers were sparing or sporadic with their love and attention, this can lead people with anxious attachment to constantly seek out signs and behaviors of caring from others that âproveâ they are worthy of love. Yet, even when they get validation, they seem to have trouble holding on to this feeling for long. So they seek validation again and again, often from the same person who holds importance to them.
Over time, worried warriorsâ emphasis on othersâ thoughts, feelings, and behaviors over their own leads them to subconsciously (or consciously) form the idea that they are not as worthy as othersâof love, attention, achievement. They need only look at their own behaviors to confirm this: They constantly work so hard to chase validation from others and put a premium on othersâ opinions, values, and experiences, so it must be that they are not as important as others.
In trying to please others and meet their needsâoften at the expense of their ownâthey become more self-critical and donât treat themselves with the same love and compassion as others. The proverbial pat on the back from others is just a quick fix that does not address the deeper yearning of their inner child who still seeks validation. Their brain starts to internalize these messages and the belief that they are not worthwhile solidifies and drives their behaviors.
The Antidote to âIâm Not as Worthy as Others.â
No matter the roots of your low self-worth, the great news is that by engaging in science-backed exercises you can strengthen your self-concept and increase your resilience. I cover many of these in my book, but here, I want to share one easy to implement tip thatâs designed to help you find self-assurance and shift your focus from external validation to inner strength. I call it âThe Daily Anchor.â Letâs break this down into three actionable steps:
* Set a Morning Intention. At the start of your day, take 5 minutes to reflect on what you want to achieve, but frame it around your values and needsânot anyone elseâs approval. Write this intention in a journal or on a sticky note. Instead of saying, âIâll make my manager happy by working extra hours,â say, âI will contribute meaningfully in todayâs team meeting and honor my boundaries by stopping work at 6 PM.â This primes your mind to focus on self-directed goals, reducing the need for external reassurance.
* Pause for Reflection Midday. Midway through your day, set a timer on your phone to take a 2-3 minute break. During this time, ask yourself: Am I acting in alignment with my values? and Am I seeking validation, or am I honoring my self-worth? If you notice youâre slipping into people-pleasing mode, reset your mindset. Take a few deep breaths, remind yourself of your morning intention, and adjust your actions accordingly. For example, if you catch yourself over-apologizing for a minor mistake, stop and think: âDid this mistake really harm anyone, or am I just afraid of being judged?â
* Celebrate Small Wins in the Evening. At the end of your day, take 5 minutes to reflect on one thing you did well that made you proud. Write it down, and be specific about what you did and how it felt. This helps you build self-validation and reinforces the belief that your worth isnât dependent on othersâ approval.
For more tips, including on assertive communication, give the podcast a listen and stick around for the Q&A, where I answer a listener question about how to be more assertive at work.
My Holiday Mental Wellness Advent Calendar!
Every year, I create a mental wellness advent countdown calendar with a simple tip to strengthen your mental health every day. The holidays are an especially challenging time for many people, which is why I started this tradition years ago to make sure we are being intentional about taking care of our well-being. Join me in this 31 day challenge (and itâs ok that we are already into the first week of December - you can start this on any day of this month, or any other month)!
Check this out and let me know if itâs helpful. And if you think someone else might benefit, share this newsletter and this resource with them!
Hereâs to Your Health,
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Actor Jim Carreyâwhoâs been candid about his mental health journeyâonce said,"Your body needs to be in the present moment to make contact with life."
Heâs onto something profound. Living fully in the present is a cornerstone of mental well-being, and one powerful method to achieve this is Gestalt therapy.
What is Gestalt Therapy?
What Jim Carrey talks about is a concept central to Gestalt therapyâbeing present so you can fully experience life as it unfolds rather than getting lost in memories or anticipating the future.
If youâve ever felt like mindfulness is more about forcing yourself to sit still and clear your head, Gestalt therapy is a game-changer. Instead of asking you to quietly observe your thoughts, Gestalt therapy is about actively working through whatâs holding you backâemotionally, mentally, and even physically.
Hereâs why itâs different:
* You donât just sit with emotionsâyou engage with them. Gestalt therapy uses active techniques like role-playing, expressive exercises, and body awareness to confront whatâs unresolved, whether itâs stress, frustration, or an old argument you canât let go of.
* Itâs not just âbe in the momentââitâs about making sense of it. If mindfulness feels like a vague "awareness," Gestalt therapy helps you unpack why you're feeling what you're feeling and what it means for your life.
* You move beyond reflection to action. The goal isnât just to "feel better" in the moment; itâs to integrate your experiences and make tangible changes that improve your relationships, career, and emotional health.
At its heart, Gestalt therapy is about holistic self-awareness. It encourages you to engage with your emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations as they occur in the present moment. Instead of analyzing the past or worrying about the future, Gestalt therapy helps you experience and integrate your emotions right now, leading to greater clarity, emotional healing, and personal growth.
For a deeper dive into Gestalt therapy and to learn three of the most well-known techniques and why they work, check out the most recent episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube). And read on to learn a simple, transformative exercise you can try today. But first, letâs do a little compare and contrast between Gestalt Therapy and a type of therapy that has gotten a lot of press coverage in the past couple of decades.
Gestalt Therapy vs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
Gestalt therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy are two distinct approaches to psychotherapy that are widely used to help individuals manage mental health challenges. Both are goal-oriented, involve active participation, and rely on structure to guide clients toward awareness and resolution of issues. But there are some key differences, and knowing this might help you to learn which approach might appeal most to you.
* Emotion vs. Cognition. Gestalt therapy emphasizes emotional awareness and physical sensations in the context of the present moment. CBT places a stronger emphasis on thoughts and behaviors, identifying irrational or distorted thinking patterns and replacing them with more rational, balanced thoughts.
* Experiential Techniques vs. Cognitive Restructuring Techniques. Gestalt therapy uses experiential techniques such as role-playing to help clients become more aware of their immediate emotional and physical experiences. CBT employs more cognitive restructuring techniques such as thought logs to challenge negative or distorted thoughts and replace them with more balanced, adaptive beliefs.
* Different Ways of Viewing the Past. Gestalt therapy explores how unresolved issues from the past affect the present moment, particularly through unfinished business like suppressed emotions. CBT may acknowledge past experiences, it tends to focus on current cognitive processes and behaviors.
* Different Ways of Measuring Outcomes. Gestalt therapy is process-oriented and emphasizes self-awareness and emotional growth. Success is often measured in terms of the client's subjective experience of emotional integration and personal insight. CBT is highly evidence-based and involves clear goals with concrete assessments of cognitive changes, symptom reduction, and behavioral improvements.
Exercise: The Empty Chair
To give you a taste of Gestalt therapy, I want to share with you one of its most famous techniquesâthe Empty Chair technique. While itâs typically done with a therapist, you can try a simplified version of this exercise at home to gain insights and work through unresolved emotions.
Hereâs how you can do it in four simple steps:
* Set the Stage. Find a quiet space and place two chairs facing each otherâone for you to sit in, and one to represent the person or part of yourself you need to communicate with. You can imagine this other person sitting there or even place an object in the chair to help you visualize them.
* Speak Your Mind. Sit down in your chair and take a deep breath. Imagine the person or part of yourself sitting across from you. Start to talk to them as if theyâre really there. Express everything youâve been holding insideâyour thoughts, your feelings, anything unresolved. This could be an old argument, feelings of hurt, or even things you appreciate but never expressed. For example, if youâve been feeling guilty about a past mistake, imagine yourself speaking to the version of you from that time, and say whatever you need to. Let it all out without holding back.
* Switch Roles. Now, stand up and sit in the other chair. Imagine that you are now the other person or the part of yourself you were talking to. Respond to what you just heard. This might feel awkward at first, but give yourself permission to engage fully. You might be surprised at what comes out when you imagine yourself in the other person's shoes or that part of yourself trying to speak up.
* Reflect. After youâve completed the dialogue, return to your original chair and reflect on the experience. How do you feel? Did you gain any insights or relief from expressing whatâs been on your mind? Journaling your thoughts afterward can help you process what came up during the exercise.
Doing this at home might not replace a therapy session, but itâs a great way to process unresolved emotions in a structured, mindful way. Whether youâre working through grief, frustration, or self-doubt, this technique helps you confront those feelings in a safe space.
If this is piquing your interest at all, I encourage you to give it a try. And if you find yourself curious to learn more about Gestalt therapy, give my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites a watch or listen (right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube) and let me know if you have any questions at all!
To your health,
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Everyday habits often go unnoticed, but they hold the power to transform your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Factors like sleep, diet, physical activity, social connection, and stress management are essential for preventing and managing mental health issues, including depression and anxiety.
I often talk about the importance of lifestyle changes with my patients that can support their mental health and overall well-being. Sometimes we forget how essential these lifestyle changes are, and also how simple they are to implement - and yet, they lead to profound changes in how you feel.
Here are my top 5 lifestyle factors for mental wellness.
1. SleepSleep is the cornerstone of mental health. Yet, more than one-third of Americans arenât getting the recommended 7-9 hours per night (CDC). Sleep deprivation is associated with a 48% increased risk of developing depression and a 36% increased risk of anxiety. Without adequate rest, the brain struggles to regulate emotions, process stress, and function cognitively.
2. Physical ActivityRegular exercise doesnât just boost physical healthâit improves your mood. Studies show that 30 minutes of moderate activity, like brisk walking, 3-5 times a week, reduces depression symptoms by up to 47%. Movement releases endorphins, your bodyâs natural mood lifters.
3. Wholesome DietYour brain thrives on quality nutrition. Diets rich in whole foodsâlike the Mediterranean dietâare linked to lower rates of depression and anxiety, while diets high in sugar and processed foods increase the risk of mental health disorders.
4. Social ConnectionStrong relationships are vital. Loneliness is as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Harvard study). Meanwhile, meaningful connections reduce stress and improve emotional well-being.
5. Stress ManagementChronic stress disrupts cortisol levels, which can harm mood and memory. Simple techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, or meditation for 5-10 minutes daily help lower cortisol and regulate emotions.
For an even deeper dive into lifestyle factors and techniques for improvement, check out my most recent podcast episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube).
In this newsletter, Iâd like to home in on one crucial (and often overlooked) lifestyle factor out of the top 5: Quality Sleep.
The Role of Sleep Hygiene
If sleep is the foundation of mental health, sleep hygiene is the blueprint. Sleep hygiene refers to habits that promote consistent, quality sleep. By addressing these habits, you can reset your internal clock, improve emotional regulation, and enhance overall well-being.
Hereâs a simple 5-step nighttime routine to optimize your sleep:
* Set a Consistent Sleep Schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Consistency strengthens your bodyâs circadian rhythm.
* Wind Down with Light Physical Activity: Do 5-10 minutes of gentle yoga, stretching, or deep breathing. This helps release tension and prepare your body for rest.
* Choose a Sleep-Friendly Snack: Reach for a banana, almonds, or warm milkâfoods rich in tryptophan or magnesium to promote relaxation.
* Disconnect from Screens: Turn off phones, TVs, and computers at least 30 minutes before bed to reduce blue light exposure, which interferes with melatonin production.
* Practice Relaxation Techniques: Spend the last 10-15 minutes journaling, meditating, or listing three things youâre grateful for. This calms your mind and shifts your focus from stress to positivity.
Sleep Hygiene Doâs and Donâts
Still having trouble sleeping? Try these doâs and donâts to refine your routine:
Do:
* Stick to a consistent sleep schedule: Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends. Consistency strengthens your circadian rhythm, making it easier to fall asleep and wake up naturally.
* Create a comfortable sleep environment: Keep your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet. A restful environment signals your brain that itâs time to unwind and helps prevent sleep disturbances.
* Expose yourself to natural light during the day: Spend time outdoors or near a window during daylight hours. Sunlight helps regulate melatonin levels, improving both sleep quality and mood.
* Limit naps to 20-30 minutes: Take them earlier in the day if needed. Short naps can recharge your energy without disrupting your nighttime sleep cycle.
Donât:
* Use electronics before bed: Avoid screensâlike phones, TVs, and computersâat least 30-60 minutes before bedtime. Blue light suppresses melatonin, the hormone responsible for sleep, making it harder to drift off.
* Eat large meals, caffeine, or alcohol close to bedtime: These can cause discomfort, indigestion, or restless sleep. Instead, finish eating at least 2-3 hours before bed to give your body time to digest.
* Engage in emotionally or physically stimulating activities right before bed: Avoid intense workouts, emotionally charged shows, or last-minute work emails. These activities can spike adrenaline and keep your mind racing.
* Ignore persistent sleep problems: If you consistently struggle with falling or staying asleep, consult a healthcare provider. Chronic sleep issues can have serious mental and physical health implications if left untreated.
Why It Matters
The choices you make today lay the groundwork for a healthier tomorrow. Lifestyle factors like sleep, diet, and stress management may seem small, but they have a monumental impact on your mental health.
Take it step by step. Start by improving one area, like your sleep routine, and watch as the benefits ripple into every corner of your life.
For more practical tips and an in-depth discussion, check out the latest episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judyâwhere we explore how to take control of your lifestyle and your mental health.
Share the Knowledge
If these tips resonated with you, share them with a friend or loved one. Letâs help everyone get the sleep and mental health they deserve. Donât sleep on thisâsmall changes can lead to big transformations.
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Stressâwhether in the form of chronic stress, unresolved trauma, or emotional overwhelmâis an issue that affects people across all walks of life.
* 80% of adults report feeling daily stress, with three in five people saying the pandemic has led to ongoing nervous system dysregulation and chronic anxiety (APA Stress in America Survey).
* 70% of adults worldwide have experienced at least one traumatic event in their lifetime, while many others experience what we call âmicro-traumas,â the smaller but frequent stressors that add up over time (according to a recent study in The Lancet).
Our nervous systems are designed to handle short bursts of stress, like running from a threat, but in todayâs world, the stress often doesnât stop. Many of us are in a constant state of "fight, flight, or freeze," which keeps the body on high alert.
Without a proper channel to express this stress and trauma and express it and let it go, our nervous systems can get dysregulated, leading to burnout, anxiety disorders, digestive issues, and even cardiovascular problems over time.
This is where somatic experiencing comes in. Somatic experiencing helps address and release this unresolved energy of stress by allowing you to reconnect with your body and release the tension thatâs been building up.
Somatic Experiencing is based on the idea that trauma and stress get stored in the body, not just the mind. Itâs not about reliving traumatic events; itâs about releasing the physical tension and bringing your nervous system back into balance.
It can be particularly helpful for people dealing with trauma, PTSD, chronic pain, and anxiety disorders. And the best part is, once you learn how to practice somatic experiencing, you can start using some of its principles on your own to help calm your nervous system and reduce stress.
For a deeper dive into somatic experiencing, its history, and techniques you can use at home, check out my most recent podcast episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube); but, while youâre here, letâs explore a bit further.
Practicing Somatic Experiencing at Home
Before you get started, remember that somatic experiencing is about listening to your body and letting it guide the healing process. Itâs a practice, and the more you do it, the more in tune with your nervous system youâll become.
* Find a Comfortable Space. Sit in a quiet, comfortable spot where you wonât be disturbed. Take a few deep breaths, and bring your attention to your body. Notice how your feet feel on the ground, how your back feels against the chair, and how your body feels at this moment. The goal here is to ground yourself. If you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, open your eyes and look around. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This is called the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique and helps you stay present while calming your nervous system.
* Identify Sensations. Close your eyes and tune into any sensations in your body. You might notice areas of tension, warmth, coolness, or even areas that feel numb. Thereâs no right or wrong here â just notice whatâs happening in your body.
* Stay with the Sensation. Once youâve identified a sensation, stay with it for a few moments. Instead of trying to change it, just observe it with curiosity. Does the sensation stay the same, or does it change as you pay attention to it? Does it move around, or does it intensify?
* Follow the Release. As you stay with the sensation, you might notice your body starting to shift. Maybe you feel an urge to take a deeper breath, maybe your muscles start to relax, or maybe you even feel a little trembling. These are all signs that your nervous system is releasing stored energy. Bring your attention to your breathing, noticing the rhythm of each inhale and exhale. Try breathing in for four counts, holding for two, and breathing out for six counts. This extended exhale activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps your body relax.
* Ground Yourself. After spending a few minutes with this process, gently bring your attention back to the present moment. Feel your feet on the ground again, and take a few deep breaths. You should feel a sense of calm or lightness after allowing your body to process and release the stored energy.
These techniques can be used separately or together depending on what works best for you. Over time, practicing somatic experiencing will help you tune into your bodyâs natural signals and allow your nervous system to process stress more efficiently.
Bonus Technique: Shake It Off
I want to leave you with one more somatic experiencing technique. If youâve had a particularly stressful day, spend a few minutes shaking your body from head to toe. Let the movement be loose and free, and donât worry about how it looks. This helps your nervous system âresetâ after being on high alert. When doing this, start slowly and gently, allowing your body to move naturally. Shaking is one of the ways animals release tension after a stressful event, and it can be incredibly effective for humans too. You might feel silly at first, but give it a try and see how much lighter you feel afterward.
The next time you feel stressed, give one of these a try. And if you found it helpful, please forward it to a friend who you think would benefit from this.
Hereâs to your health,
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Would you wake up at 5 a.m. to meditate and take an ice bath? Or, less extreme, have you sipped your way through every permutation of matcha, coffee, and hard-to-pronounce adaptogen stimulants on offer in an attempt to find the best shortcut to intense mental focus?
Productivity hacks like these are ubiquitous, filling up social media feeds as people try to find the solution to staying on task in a world often determined to distract us.
Whether youâre an entrepreneur whose efforts equal your income or a salaried employee working remotely and fighting off the siren call of YouTube videos or the annoying necessity of household chores, youâve probably hoped for a hack that would grant you the ability to get your work done efficiently and effectively.
In the most recent podcast episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube), I dive even deeper into productivity hacks than I do here to help you get more doneâwhether itâs for work or personal projects. Here, however, I want to debunk three productivity myths and share with you a technique to help you focus on what truly matters.
Three Productivity Myths
If productivity is by definition the ability to produce effectively, our first thought may be to expend more effort, time, and mental energy to try and increase output. But cutting through the morass of methods means first determining what productivity is and isnât. Unfortunately, much of the advice geared toward increasing productivity circulating online is built on myths that keep us from our full potential. So, letâs dismantle a few of the biggest myths, and talk about what actually works.
Myth #1: "To be productive, you need to work harder and longer."
This is one of the most pervasive myths, and one that feels true. The more hours you put in, the more youâll accomplish, yes?
But the truth is, productivity isnât about working longer or harderâitâs about working more efficiently.
Research shows that our brains can only focus intensely for about 90 minutes at a time before we start to lose energy and make more mistakes.
What actually works is focusing on quality over quantity. Instead of working through exhaustion, try to work in focused bursts and take regular breaks. Studies show that frequent short breaks actually increase your overall output, improve creativity, and keep you energized.
Myth #2: "Busy equals productive."
Have you ever had a day where you felt like you were constantly on the go, but by the end of it, you realized you hadnât accomplished anything meaningful? Thatâs because being busy doesnât mean being productive. Itâs easy to fill your day with low-value tasks that feel urgent, like checking emails or responding to messages, but that doesnât necessarily move you closer to your bigger goals.
What actually works is prioritizing your tasks by importance, not urgency.
The most productive people focus on tasks that have a high impact, rather than those that simply fill up their time. One great method for this is using Eisenhowerâs Urgent-Important Matrix, which helps you categorize tasks based on how urgent and important they are, so you can spend your time on what really matters.
Myth #3: "The more you plan, the more productive youâll be."
Planning is definitely important, but it can easily become over-planning, where you spend more time organizing and scheduling than actually doing the work. This is a trap known as analysis paralysis, where overthinking and over-planning prevent you from taking action.
What actually works is using a flexible plan with clear, actionable steps. Give yourself room to adjust as things come up, but donât spend too much time planning out every detail. At the end of the day, execution is what matters.
How to Focus on What Truly Matters
The Daily Highlight is a fantastic way to simplify your productivity by focusing on what truly matters. Hereâs how it works:
* Choose Your Highlight. At the start of each day, ask yourself, âWhatâs the most important thing I want to accomplish today?â It could be something work-related, like finishing a report, or something personal, like getting a workout in or spending quality time with family. The key is to pick just one thing that, if done, will make your day feel productive.
* Time It. Once youâve chosen your highlight, block off time for it in your schedule. This helps you make it a priority, and it prevents other tasks from taking over your day. Whether itâs 30 minutes or a full hour, commit to dedicating that time to your highlight.
* Eliminate Distractions. When itâs time to focus on your daily highlight, create an environment where you can fully concentrate. This means turning off notifications, closing unnecessary browser tabs, and setting boundaries to make sure you donât get interrupted.
* Celebrate the Win. At the end of the day, reflect on your highlight. Did you accomplish it? If so, take a moment to celebrate that win. Even if your day didnât go perfectly, completing your highlight can give you a sense of achievement and progress.
Focusing on one key task each day is a simple but powerful way to boost productivity without feeling overwhelmed by a huge to-do list. Over time, this habit can help you make consistent progress on your goals, whether theyâre related to work, personal projects, or self-care.
If you found value in our episode today, chances are your friends will too. Just hit the share button and send it to someone who would appreciate it as much as you did.
Let me know how these tips work for you, and whether you have any productivity tips of your own I didnât mention!
Productively yours,
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Many people tend to think of therapy as a dialogue. However, as Iâm sure youâve experienced, sometimes it can be difficult to put what youâre feeling into words.
This is what expressive therapies are for.
Expressive therapies are therapeutic practices that use creative acts that involve the likes of the arts, music, theater, and movement to improve mental wellness. Theyâre rooted in a rich therapeutic tradition that began in the early 20th century, emerging from a growing understanding that people express themselves in ways beyond their words.
Art therapy, for instance, took off in the 1940s when pioneering therapists like Margaret Naumburg and Edith Kramer found that artistic expression could reveal unconscious thoughts and feelings. Thereâs also music therapy, which has roots that reach back to World War II. Musicians of the era observed that their music assisted in the mental and emotional recovery of wounded soldiers.
To learn more about the specific expressive therapies, be sure to give the latest episode of my podcast, Mental Health Bites, a listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
While expressive therapies have continued to evolveâincorporating dance, drama, poetry, and other forms of creativityâsome people still write them off without understanding their purpose and methods. Here are some of the most common misconceptions - and the truth about expressive therapies.
Misconception 1: âExpressive therapies require artistic talent to produce something meaningful.â
Many peopleâespecially those who feel self-conscious about their creative abilitiesâassume that expressive therapies require artistic talent or creativity, leading them to dismiss it.
Expressive therapies are not about producing beautiful or polished works of art; theyâre about the process, not the product.
The act of creatingâwhether itâs drawing, writing, dancing, or making musicâhelps you access emotions and thoughts that might be hard to express verbally. Engaging in the creative process without worrying about the finished product can help you connect with your inner self in ways you might not have anticipated.
Misconception 2: "Expressive therapy is not evidence-based."
Some may think that expressive therapies lack scientific backing or that they arenât as âseriousâ or âeffectiveâ as traditional talk therapies like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic therapy.
While expressive therapies may feel unconventional, thereâs a growing body of research showing their effectiveness for various mental health conditions, including trauma, anxiety, depression, and stress.
Art therapy, for example, has been shown to help trauma survivors process difficult emotions, and music therapy can enhance mood and emotional regulation in people with depression. Adding expressive therapies to your toolbox can complement traditional therapies, offering a more holistic approach to healing.
Misconception 3: âExpressive therapy is just for kids.â
Expressive therapies are often associated with children, especially because play therapy, art therapy, and dance therapy are frequently used to help children who canât easily express their feelings with words.
Expressive therapies are highly effective for adults as well.
Expressive therapies can be tailored to the needs of adults and are increasingly used in treating PTSD, chronic pain, addiction, and other serious conditions. In fact, many adults who struggle with verbal communication, have experienced trauma, or feel emotionally âblockedâ find that expressive therapies help them process complex feelings in a non-verbal, intuitive way.
Misconception 4: âExpressive therapies are just too âout thereâ and âwoo-wooâ.â
Some people dismiss expressive therapies as being too alternative or âwoo-woo,â lumping them in with practices they perceive as lacking credibility or rooted in spirituality rather than science.
While expressive therapies may feel unconventional, they offer practical, real-world benefits.
Engaging in creative expression can help people bypass intellectual defenses, allowing them to explore their emotions in a different, often deeper, way. Expression is about connecting with your body, emotions, and intuition, which can foster insights and emotional breakthroughs that traditional talk therapy may not always access.
Misconception 5: âExpressive therapy wouldnât help me with my problems.â
If someone is dealing with concrete, pressing problems like stress at work, relationship issues, or anxiety, they might feel that expressive therapies are irrelevant or too abstract to address their practical needs.
Expressive therapies are versatile. They can help with emotional regulation, reduce stress, and provide relief from mental health challenges.
More importantly, expressive therapies can help you process difficult emotions or situations indirectly, allowing you to gain perspective on your problems in a safe and creative way.
For example, drawing or journaling about how anxiety feels can help externalize those feelings, giving you more clarity on how to manage them. Itâs about broadening your coping skills repertoire so you have more tools available when dealing with lifeâs challenges.
Exploring Expressive Therapy: Your Emotion Map
Now, Iâd like to encourage you to give an expressive therapy a try. Hereâs something you can do to help you visually express and process your emotions using color, shapes, and simple forms.
Remember: it's not about making beautiful art, but about gaining insight into your emotional state and increasing emotional awareness.
Itâll take about 15-20 minutes, and all youâll need is a large sheet of paper (any size works, but bigger gives more space to express), some colored pencils/markers/crayons, and a quiet, comfortable space to work. Once youâre settled, itâs time to begin.
* Prepare Your Space. Find a quiet place where you can relax and focus. Lay out your paper and coloring tools in front of you. Take a few deep breaths to center yourself before starting.
* Divide Your Paper. Take your paper and draw a large â+â sign, dividing the sheet into four quadrants. Each quadrant will represent one emotion.
* Assign Emotions to Each Quadrant. Choose four emotions that resonate with you at this moment. You could choose from common emotions like joy, sadness, anger, and peace, or you could pick emotions that are more specific to your current experienceâsuch as anxiety, hope, frustration, or excitement.
* Map Your Emotions. In each quadrant, express the chosen emotion using colors, shapes, or abstract forms. You can do this any way that feels right to you. For joy, you might choose bright, warm colors like yellow or orange. Maybe you draw spirals, circles, or playful, flowing lines. For sadness, you might choose darker or cooler colors like blue or gray. Perhaps you use drooping lines or raindrop shapes to convey the heaviness of sadness. For anger, you might choose red, sharp, jagged shapes or intense scribbles might come to mind. Anger can feel sharp and energetic, so donât be afraid to really let your pen move aggressively if thatâs how youâre feeling. For peace, you might pick soft greens or blues, using smooth, even lines, waves, or gentle curves to capture the feeling of calmness.
* Take Your Time Expressing Yourself. Spend about 3-5 minutes on each quadrant. Thereâs no rush, and thereâs no right or wrong way to do this. If you feel a certain emotion more strongly, you can spend more time on that quadrant.
* Add Words If You Wish. If you feel inclined, you can add single words or phrases within the quadrants that capture the essence of the emotion. For example, under sadness, you might write âheavy,â âtired,â or âlonely.â For joy, you could write âlight,â âwarm,â or âfree.â
Once youâve finished, take a few minutes to observe your emotion map and respond to the following questions.
* What stands out to you?
* Do certain colors or shapes feel more prominent?
* Are there emotions that took up more space than others?
* Can you identify any patterns? Ask yourself if the way you expressed these emotions visually tells you something about how youâre experiencing them internally.
You might notice that your anger section feels really intense with jagged red lines, while sadness is more subdued, almost overshadowed. This could reflect that youâre feeling more connected to your anger than your sadness at the moment.
If you tried the emotional mapping exercise and found it helpful, please share this with a friend or family member who could also benefit from a little self-expression.
P.S. If you want to dive deeper, you can take 5-10 minutes to journal about what you noticed in your emotion map and consider these additional questions.
* Does one emotion feel more dominant?
* Were you surprised by how an emotion showed up visually?
* How does seeing your emotions on paper shift your understanding of how youâre feeling?
If you found value in this newsletter, feel free to share with a friend using the button below.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
There's a lot of information out there about mental illness, but much of it is shrouded in myths that only increase the stigma around mental health.
Here, weâre going to cut through the noise by discussing the real facts alongside some of the biggest myths.
Myths surrounding mental illness are harmful. They can discourage people from seeking help, perpetuate stigma, and, in some cases, they can lead to worsening symptoms.
Itâs essential that we debunk the myths that surround mental illness. In doing so, we can empower individuals to help themselves and others, foster widespread compassion, and increase the amount of people with an accurate understanding of issues that, in some way or another, affect us all.
Four Mental Health Myths
Now, letâs dive into four mental health myths. To learn about even more, be sure to check out the most recent episode of Mental Health Bites with Dr. Judy Ho right here in substack, Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube, where Iâll also teach you how to get through to a friend who is completely closed off but clearly needs help.
Myth 1: Mental Illness is Rare. This couldnât be further from the truth. Mental illness is not rareâitâs common. According to the World Health Organization, one in four people will experience a mental health condition in their lifetime. Thatâs over 25% of the global population.
Fact 1: Mental Illness is Common. To put that in perspective, mental illness is more common than diabetes or heart disease. In fact, mental illnesses like anxiety and depression are among the leading causes of disability worldwide, even outpacing many well-known physical illnesses. So the next time you think, 'mental illness could never affect me or the people I know,' consider that you or someone in your close circle probably already has faced or is facing a mental health challenge. By knowing this, we can start normalizing conversations about mental health.
Myth 2: Mental Illness is a Sign of Weakness. This myth is one of the most damaging. Mental illness is a health condition, not a personal flaw. Can you imagine telling someone with cancer or diabetes that theyâre just not trying hard enough? Of course not! So why would we say this about mental illness?
Fact 2: Mental Illness is a Health ConditionâNot Weakness. The truth is, mental illness is just as legitimate as physical illness. And seeking help for your mental health is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows youâre willing to take control of your well-being and make a positive change.
Itâs also important to note that certain cultural values or professions may be more likely to see mental illness as a sign of weakness. For example, in some cultures that highly value stoicism or emotional resilience, talking about mental health struggles can be seen as shameful. Similarly, high-pressure professions like law enforcement or military service often reinforce the idea that asking for help is a sign of vulnerability. But these beliefs are outdated and harmful. We need to shift the narrative and encourage everyoneâregardless of background or professionâto prioritize mental health.
Myth 3: Mental Health Conditions are Permanent. While some mental health conditions are chronic, most people can recover or manage their symptoms with the right treatment. Mental illness is not a life sentence, and with early intervention and ongoing care, people can live full, meaningful lives.
Fact 3: Mental Illnesses are Treatable, and Many People Recover. Whether itâs through therapy, medication, lifestyle changes, or peer support, there is hope. Itâs not a one-size-fits-all journey, but with help, people can and do recover.
Myth 4: You Can 'Snap Out of It. Thereâs this idea that mental illness can be overcome if you just think positively or try hard enough. This is a classic example of toxic positivityâthe belief that you can simply will yourself out of your struggles with a good attitude. But mental illness doesnât work that way. Telling someone to just âsnap out of itâ minimizes the real biological and psychological factors involved.
Fact 4: Mental Illness Requires Treatment, Just Like Physical Illness. Mental illness isnât something you can just think your way out of. It requires proper treatment, whether thatâs therapy, medication, or a combination of approaches. So letâs stop telling people to âjust be positive,â because itâs not that simple.
Practical Tips for Supporting Someone with Mental Illness
I cover this topic more in depth in my podcast (you can listen right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube), but one of the best ways to be supportive to a friend struggling with mental illness to:
* listen without judgment,
* offer your presence,
* encourage professional help, and
* be patient.
Itâs also important to educate yourself. Knowledge is power. And the more you know about mental illness, the better youâll be able to support your loved one (Check out MedCircle, which is a great platform for evidence-based psychoeducation).
But to be of service to someone else, you must also take care of yourself.
How to Take Care of Your Own Mental Health in Less Than 5 Minutes
Even taking five minutes each day to meditate, practice deep breathing, or write down three things you're grateful for can make a huge impact on your own mental well-being. (Remember, you canât pour from an empty cup.)
So, I want to share a simple but effective 5-minute mental wellness routine you can implement every day.
The best part?
You only need to spend 1 minute on each of these evidence-supported activities to boost your mood and well-being. Hereâs how you can make each minute count: In just 5 minutes a day, you can significantly improve your mental well-being by incorporating these 5 elements into those 5 minutes:
* Deep Breathing: 10 deep breaths to calm your mind.
* Gratitude Journal: Write 3 things you're grateful for.
* Stretching & Movement: Release tension with a full-body stretch.
* Mindful Minute: Observe your surroundings with all five senses.
* Inspirational Quote: Uplift your spirit with a positive thought.
This routine is quick, actionable, and can be done anywhere, anytimeâwhether you're at home, at work, or even on the go. By taking just 5 minutes each day to focus on your mental wellness, you'll begin to notice improvements in your mood, mindset, and overall well-being! Here are the detailed steps on how to do it - and you can customize it so that it works best for you.
Step 1. Take 10 Deep Breaths to Calm Your Mind and Body (1 minute)
This works because deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which reduces stress and calms your mind and body.
To do this exercise:
* Sit or stand in a comfortable position, close your eyes, and take a slow breath in through your nose for a count of 4.
* Hold the breath for 4 seconds, then exhale through your mouth for a count of 6.
* Repeat this cycle 10 times during the minute.
If youâre feeling anxious during the workday, take a 1-minute breathing break to calm down and regain focus. You can do this at your desk, in the car, or anywhere.
Step 2. Write Down 3 Things Youâre Grateful For in a Gratitude Journal (1 minute)
This works because focusing on gratitude helps shift your mindset away from stress or negativity, fostering a positive outlook on life.
To do this exercise:
* Grab a notebook, or use your phoneâs notes app.
* Quickly jot down 3 things you are grateful for today. They can be big or smallâanything from good health, to a conversation with a friend, to enjoying your favorite meal. For example, In just 60 seconds, you could write: grateful for the sunny weather today, grateful for a supportive conversation with a friend, and grateful for the fresh coffee I had this morning.
To help with this habit, keep a small notebook on your nightstand and use this practice as a part of your morning or bedtime routine.
Step 3. Stretch and Move Your Body to Release Tension (1 minute)
This works because physical movement releases endorphins, improves circulation, and relieves muscle tension, which can improve both your physical and mental state.
To do this exercise:
* Stand up and do a quick full-body stretch. Reach your arms overhead and stretch upward, then bend forward to touch your toes.
* Do a few gentle neck rolls, shoulder shrugs, and arm swings.
* You can also add 10 jumping jacks or jog in place for 30 seconds to get your heart rate up.
If youâve been sitting at your desk for a while, this 1-minute movement break will help wake up your body and energize your mind.
Step 4. Take a Mindful Minute to Observe Something in Your Environment Using All Five Senses (1 minute)
This works because mindfulness helps ground you in the present moment, which reduces stress and anxiety while improving focus and emotional regulation.
To do this exercise:
* Pick something in your environment to focus onâa tree outside, a cup of tea, or even the feeling of your feet on the floor.
* Take a deep breath and engage all five senses: What do you see? Notice the colors and shapes around you. What do you hear? Focus on the background sounds, like birds or distant traffic. What do you smell? Is there a subtle scent in the air, like fresh coffee or flowers? What do you feel? Focus on sensations like warmth from the sun or the texture of your clothing. What do you taste? If you're drinking water or tea, notice the flavor and temperature.
During a lunch break, take a mindful moment to observe your surroundingsâwhether itâs nature outside your window or the taste of your meal.
Step 5. Read an Inspirational Quote to Uplift Your Spirit (1 minute)
This works because reading positive, inspirational quotes can help shift your mindset, offering new perspectives or encouragement in tough times.
To do this exercise:
* Find a quote that resonates with you. You can keep a collection of quotes in a notebook or use a daily quote app on your phone.
* Read the quote slowly, let its meaning sink in, and reflect on how it applies to your life today.
One thing I like to do is to set a daily reminder on your phone to read a quote first thing in the morning or whenever you need a little inspiration. Three quotes I love are:
âThe only way to do great work is to love what you do.â â Steve Jobs
âYou are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.â â C.S. Lewis
âOut of difficulties grow miracles.â â Jean de La GruyĂšre
Give this routine a try, and let me know how it goes.
If you found this helpful, chances are your friends and family will too. If you did, please share this newsletter with someone you know.
P.S. Here are some additional resources that may be helpful to have on hand.
* National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
* Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
* NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness): nami.org
Psychology Today (Therapist Finder): psychologytoday.com
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Are you a healthy skeptic? If so, you need to read this.
There are those out there who when they hear the phrase âpositive psychology,â will roll their eyes and say, âthat sounds like itâs a little too âpie in the sky.â â
I was one of those people.
Over the years, what was initially designed to embrace strengths and to combat the disease-based, deficits and problems-based approach that the field of psychology modeled itself after (i.e., medicine) in order to establish itself as a âhardâ scienceâ went a bit off the rails. It seemed proponents of positive psychology were saying that you should be positive at all times, against all odds - and that is not what Positive Psychology was designed to preach.
Thankfully, itâs more than possible to course correct. It is possible to experience positive psychologyâs intended benefits without all toxic positivity - and I am a huge fan of using positive psychology in ways that will actually help rather than shame or discourage progress.
To learn how positive psychology can, well, positively impact your life, check out my most recent podcast episode right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube.
The Origin of Positive Psychology
At its core, positive psychology is about unearthing what makes life worth living. It focuses not just on what can go wrong with us, but also on what can go right. It asks questions like: How can we cultivate more happiness? How can we thrive, not just survive?
Questions like these represented a huge shift from the traditional focus of psychology, which primarily looked at mental illness, distress, and dysfunction. Positive psychology doesn't replace that important work, it complements it.
However, positive psychology isn't just about being happy all the time. Positive psychology is about cultivating strengths like resilience, gratitude, and mindfulness to help you navigate life's challenges. It's about understanding that well-being involves both positive emotions and the ability to deal with negative ones.
Where Positive Psychology Went Off the Rails
Somewhere along the way, the core message of positive psychology started to get warped, and toxic positivity entered the room.
Toxic positivity is the belief that you should always look on the bright side, no matter how bad things are. When the oversimplification that âonly positive vibesâ can solve everything becomes the expectation, it's not only unrealistic, but also harmful. It dismisses real emotions, real challenges, and real suffering. And pushing this constant positivity where sadness, anger, or frustration are all seen as weaknesses can actually increase shame and guilt because, guess what, life is hard. There are ups and downs, and trying to force constant positivity can make people feel like they're failing when they're not.
If you're going through something really rough, like the loss of a loved one, being told to just think positive can feel dismissive and alienating. It makes it seem like your pain isn't valid. And that's not helpful. In fact, research shows that denying or suppressing negative emotions can actually make them stronger, leading to more anxiety or even depression.
So, how do we fix this?
The key is balance. It's about embracing the full human experience. Positive psychology, when used correctly, acknowledges both the highs and the lows. It's not about ignoring the hard stuff. It's about recognizing that negative emotions serve a function. They alert us to problems. They push us to grow. They help us to survive. They're what makes us human.
Positive psychology is not about plastering a smile over a difficult situation. It's about developing resilience. Positive psychology can help give us the tools and develop the habits needed to navigate these challenges and bounce back, even when things are tough.
How to Use Positive Psychology in a Way that Works for You
One great way to use positive psychology as it was intended is to take small, manageable steps that fit your reality. One way to do this is through one of my favorite exercises, âDevelop a Virtue.â This is a core practice in positive psychology that can make a real tangible difference in your life.
Step 1 | Choose a Virtue. Choose one of the following virtues that positive psychology research has identified can improve an area of your life. Pick one virtue that resonates with you and feels the most meaningful. Here are some examples.
* Wisdom and Knowledge. This virtue involves cognitive strengths that center around the acquisition and use of knowledge. It emphasizes the thoughtful application of intelligence, experience, and learning in practical and meaningful ways.
* Courage. Courage is a virtue that focuses on emotional strengths that help individuals exercise willpower to achieve goals in the face of challenges. It involves the ability to persist despite adversity, fear, or difficulty.
* Humanity. Humanity encompasses interpersonal strengths that focus on caring relationships and tending to others. This virtue is about compassion, love, and kindness directed toward others, fostering strong, positive connections.
* Justice. Justice focuses on civic strengths that underlie healthy community or group dynamics. Itâs about promoting fairness, equity, and working toward the common good, ensuring that everyone is treated with respect.
* Temperance. Temperance is about strengths that protect against excess. This virtue promotes self-regulation and control, helping individuals manage their emotions, behaviors, and desires to live in balance and moderation.
* Transcendence. Transcendence refers to strengths that connect individuals to something larger than themselves, promoting a sense of purpose, meaning, and a deeper appreciation of lifeâs experiences.
Step 2 | Set a small, specific goal. Think about a small goal that you can work on around this selected virtue. Whatever virtue you choose, your goal should be small enough that it feels doable, but meaningful enough that it challenges you to grow. The idea is to start simply. You're not going to master a virtue overnight. If your virtue is kindness, for example, make it a goal to perform one small act of kindness each day. It could be something as simple as sending a thoughtful text to a friend, holding the door for someone, or giving a compliment.
Step 3 | Reflect and adjust. After you've set your goal, take the time at the end of each week to reflect. Ask yourself: Did I stick to my goal most days? How did practicing this virtue affect my mood, relationships, or work? What felt challenging? What felt rewarding?
Itâs okay if things didnât go as planned. Just adjust your goal if needed. Maybe doing one act of kindness every day was too much, so maybe you'll decide to scale it back to three times a week. You can even switch to a different virtue if youâd like. The important thing is to keep going and not to judge yourself if you sometimes fall short, because thatâs something all of us do.
If you found this helpful, I hope you share it with someone who you think will benefit from it. And if you want to learn about even more activities you can try to help develop your chosen virtue, give my most recent podcast a watch.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
All of us are prone to sabotaging our lives in various waysâwhether itâs our career, our personal and professional goals, or our romantic relationships, friendships, or family relations.
This is because weâre all biologically wired to be scanning for threats. That, of course, is the key to our psychological and physical survival, but there also has to be a balance between threats and rewards. When that balance is kept in check, everything goes swimmingly. However, when something causes that threat to become amplified, you're much more prone to self-sabotaging as a form of protection because (oddly enough) your brain is trying to protect you from the potential harms that it sees.
This is a topic I delved into in my book, Stop Self-Sabotage. My book delved into the six steps to unlock your true motivation, harness your willpower, and get out of your own way. Today, we are going to explore how to identify and overcome self-sabotage. For an in-depth overview of this topic be sure to check out my most recent podcast episode right here in substack. You can also listen on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
L.I.F.E. Happens
So why do we sometimes overestimate threat and allow it to stop us from continuing on our path toward our goal? The answer is L.I.F.E. happens. In my research and through my experience in working with clients, Iâve found time and again that there are four elements that fuel the conflict between going for what you want and being held back by perceived threats that wonât harm you. These four influences represent aspects of your personality and how you relate to the world. You can take the free quiz yourself here.
* L stands for low self-esteem. When you have a shakier self-esteem, you may not believe you deserve good things, and so when you do get closer and closer to a good outcome in some area of your life,you're more likely to self sabotage unconsciously.
* I stands for internalized beliefs. These are ideas from your childhood where perhaps you've learned a certain way of coping that's not very adaptive by watching your parents cope with different stressors. Maybe your parents were ânervous nelliesâ and were always watching out for fears, and so, as an adult, youâve developed some of those same predispositions.
* F stands for fear of change. As humans, we all like familiarity because when we can predict our environment, we feel safer. But there are certain personality types that tend to fear change or the unknown a little bit more than the average person. And if so, that might predispose you to self sabotage.
* E stands for excessive need for control. This is for all of my go-getters, perfectionists, type A individuals out there. Oftentimes these individuals do admirable things. Their perfectionist equalities get them really far in life. But also when a situation involves another person, another person's feelings, another person's actions, itâs harder for them to let go of control and manage their emotions when someone else is in the pilotâs (or co-pilotâs) seat.
Your Self-Sabotage Triggers
Once youâve developed an awareness of the potential roots of your self-sabotage, itâs time for the next piece of the puzzle: understanding the six forms of self-sabotage triggers (also known as negative automatic thoughts) that can lead to cycles of self-sabotaging behavior. Self-sabotage triggers are like the termites that invade a house. They can seem tiny and inconsequential individually, but when there are many of them, they can ultimately devastate the foundation and mess with the structure of the entire building. Similarly, negative thoughts can wear at you over time and because they lurk in the background, you donât see the effects until you are in the midst of a fraught relationship or health crisis, or experiencing job trauma.
I talk about an easy way to uncover your thought patterns, and itâs a quick exercise you can do in under 3 minutes a day. Check out my podcast at the 7 minute mark (here on substack, Apple, Spotify, or YouTube) for instructions on how to do this. Once you start to pay attention to your thoughts more, youâll notice patterns in how you tend to respond to stressful situations. These responses often present as one or more of these six thought triggers:
* Overgeneralizing/catastrophizing, which means taking one fact and jumping to conclusions, usually bad ones. For example, have you ever thought a friend was upset with you simply because they hadnât returned a text?
* Shoulds-based thinking, which means relying too much on your own rules and expectations about how things should go. Like that friend you texted should have gotten back to you by now, regardless of what they may have going on.
* Black-and-white thinking, which allows for only two possibilities and no in-between. Perhaps a colleague passed you in the hallway without greeting you, so you firmly conclude theyâre a rude person.
* Mind reading, which is simply thinking you actually know the thoughts or intentions of others. Maybe you didnât get a promotion and you think thatâs because your boss doesnât care about your efforts.
* Discounting the positive, which usually plays out in downplaying whatâs good about yourself or things youâve done. For instance, have you ever turned down a compliment instead of just giving a simple âThank you?â
* Personalization, which refers to any thinking in which you measure yourself against other people. In other words, when was the last time you scrolled social media?
Knowing that these triggers exists in the first place (and which apply most to you) is an important piece of the puzzle, but the problem with some of your most triggering thoughts is that they can run rampant and exert power over your feelings and behaviors. So, we need to learn to routinely question, transform, and deemphasize the impact of these types of self-sabotaging thoughts.
How to Deemphasize the Impact of Self-Sabotaging Thoughts
I want to share one practical tip to quiet the negative internal dialogue you might find yourself experiencing, especially during times that are particularly stressful. Thoughts are just mental events - nothing more. But often, we allow negative thoughts to color our world view and attitude. When we do that, we inadvertently make that negativity synonymous with ourselves. We identify ourselves by our negative self-talk.
Sometimes, it can be easy to forget in our daily lives that our thoughts are something we have rather than something we are.
Cognitive Defusion (a concept coined by Steven Hayes) refers to the practice of observing and distancing from your mind. Its associated techniques are helpful for a variety of difficulties, and it can help to break the progression of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and to create space between thoughts and feelings.
It is essential to understand that thoughts do not always have to lead to feelings and then progress to behaviors. In fact, in some cases, there does not have to be a direct relationship to feelings or behaviors at all! Just because you experience a self-sabotage trigger does not mean that self-sabotage is inevitable.
Defusion is an effective way to break that chain of events before it starts that downward spiral toward self-sabotage. It helps you to spend more time seeing thoughts for exactly what they areâmerely mental events and not literal truths. It allows you to separate from your thoughts and break the usual sequence of self-sabotage triggers to intense feelings to self-sabotage behaviors.
Exercise: Try Labeling Your Thoughts
Labeling is a technique that uses language to identify what a thought truly isâa mental event that you have. This exercise is good for any time a negative thought emerges and repeats itself in your mind and you feel the immediate need to create some space before you begin taking any self-sabotaging actions.
The next time you notice a negative thought, try adding the phrase âIâm having the thought thatâ in front of it. For example, âI will never get another job,â becomes âI am having the thought that⊠I will never get another job.âThis technique not only helps to change the way in which you think about your thoughts as separate events from you, but also it provides distance, both physical and mental, from a self-sabotage trigger. It reminds you that a thought is a mental event, not who you are, nor does it necessarily represent the truth.
You can take this exercise a step further by adding another short phrase: I notice that. Now the phrase now becomes: âI notice thatâŠIâm having the thought thatâŠI will never get another job.â This additional simple phrase brings to the forefront that you are the active agent doing the noticing of your thoughts. You are the one who is spotting a negative thought, and then labeling it as just thatâa mental event and nothing more.
Try this the next time you have a negative thought that you find it hard to disengage from, and let me know how it goes.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
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Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
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About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Research shows that up to 20-30% of individuals might feel well-known treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), SSRIs, or other psychotropic medications, while helpful, havenât really eradicated their symptoms in the way theyâd like.
This is where often controversial alternatives like ketamine therapy, transcranial magnetic stimulation, electroconvulsive therapy, and other emerging therapies come in.
In my newest podcast episode, I explore some of the alternative treatments and give you a guide to the pros, cons, and the major controversies concerning each of them. Take a listen right here in Substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch the video podcast on YouTube.
As with all things concerning your health, itâs important to be able to make informed decisions about the treatment options available to you. So, letâs dive in and be sure to talk with your mental health or medical professional before you start any new treatment.
Ketamine Treatment
Ketamine treatment has been getting a ton of media coverage lately. Originally developed as an anesthetic, ketamine has recently been repurposed for depression treatment, particularly for those who haven't responded well to other medications.
* Pros. One of the biggest advantages is its rapid onset. Unlike traditional antidepressants that can take weeks to show effects, ketamine can start to work within hours. It's been especially promising for treatment-resistant depression, offering relief when other options have failed. Ketamine infusions, given in low and controlled doses, have shown remarkable results in many cases.
* Cons. Given its history as a recreational drug, ketamine has the potential for abuse. There can be side effects, like dissociation, dizziness, or increased blood pressure. Many of the long-term effects of ketamine treatment are still not fully understood.
* Controversies. There's some debate about keatamineâs use due to its side effects, concerns about its accessibility, and the ethical considerations of its off-label use, as ketamine treatment is not FDA approved. Ultimately, there is much that we donât know about ketamine treatment.
Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) is a relatively new treatment for treatment-resistant depression. TMS uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells in the brain. It should only be used when other treatment options havenât been effective.
* Pros. TMS is a non-invasive procedure with minimal side effects that is done in an outpatient setting. TMS has proven efficacy for those with treatment-resistant depression, and is FDA approved for depression. You don't need anesthesia, and you can return to your normal activities right after a session.
* Cons. TMS requires a significant time commitmentâtypically daily sessions over several weeks. It can be expensive, and it is not always covered by insurance. And, like any treatment, it's not effective for everyone.
* Controversies. The controversies around TMS largely focus on accessibility and cost, as well as debates on its efficacy compared to other treatments. However, itâs generally considered a safe and effective option for many.
Electroconvulsive Therapy
Electroconvulsive Therapy (ECT) has a long and complex history, but it remains one of the most effective treatments for severe depression. It is often used as a last resort. ECT consists of brief electrical stimulation of the brain while the patient is under anesthesia. ECT's effectiveness in treating severe mental illnesses is recognized by the American Psychiatric Association, the American Medical Association, the National Institute of mental health in many, many other similar organizations in other countries.
* Pros. ECT can be highly effective,especially for severe depression, suicidal ideation, or when other treatments have failed. It often works quickly, which is crucial in emergency situations.
* Cons. The most significant is the potential for memory loss, both short-term and sometimes long-term. ECT requires general anesthesia, and thereâs still a stigma attached to it, partly due to its portrayal in media. It also doesnât prevent a return of the illness in the future.
* Controversies. There are some ethical considerations around consent, especially when it comes to severe cases where a patient might not be fully capable of consenting due to a condition such as psychosis. There is also an ongoing debate about its safety and side effects.
Other Emerging Treatments
Psychedelic-assisted therapy, using substances like psilocybin or MDMA, has shown promise in recent studies for both depression and PTSD. However, these treatments are still in the experimental stages and come with their own sets of
* Pros and Cons: They can offer deep psychological insights and rapid improvements for some, but they also raise concerns about safety, legal status, and long-term effects.
Are Alternative Treatments Right for You?
When considering alternative treatment options, it is essential that you do not take a DIY approach. It is important to make sure that you really are a candidate for one of the above treatments, and that you find a credible provider you can have an honest conversation with. Listen to my podcast episode (here in Substack, or on Apple or Spotify) or watch the video podcast on YouTube for some key factors you should consider if youâre thinking about exploring alternative treatments.
There are also less invasive approaches you can take to help improve symptoms of anxiety and depression. Hereâs one that costs no money, takes just 10-20 minutes a day, and has been shown to improve mood, sleep, and emotion regulation.
Actionable Tip: Morning Light Exposure
Morning light exposure can boost your mood and energy levels throughout the day. This works because of your bodyâs internal clock, or circadian rhythm. Your internal clock regulates a wide range of biological processes, including your sleep-wake cycle, hormone release, and even your mood.
Morning sunlight is rich in blue light, which is especially effective at signaling to your brain that it's time to wake up and be alert. This helps regulate the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone, so you feel more awake during the day and sleepier at night.
By getting natural light exposure in the morning, youâre essentially setting your bodyâs clock. This makes it easier to fall asleep at night and feel more energized and positive during the day. Several studies have shown that consistent exposure to morning light can reduce symptoms of depression, especially in people with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and improve overall mood and well-being.
Here are five ways you can incorporate morning light exposure into your daily routine:
* Step Outside First Thing in the Morning. Start your day by stepping outside for 10 to 15 minutes of direct sunlight exposure within the first hour after waking up. This could be as simple as walking your dog, enjoying your morning coffee on the porch, or doing a quick stretch routine in your backyard.
* Combine Light with Movement. Try to combine this light exposure with some gentle exercise or stretching. A brisk walk around your neighborhood or some light yoga in the garden can enhance the benefits, boosting your endorphins and getting your blood flowing.
* Create a Morning Sun Ritual. Make it a ritual! You could designate a specific time each morning to sit by a window or go outside, listen to your favorite podcast, do a quick meditation, or write in a journal. Creating a consistent routine around this practice can make it a sustainable habit.
* Maximize Indoor Light Exposure. If you canât get outside, try to spend time by a window that gets plenty of morning light. Open the blinds as soon as you wake up, and consider moving your morning activities (like reading or eating breakfast) to a bright spot in your home. Even indirect natural light can help, although direct exposure is more effective.
* Use a Light Therapy Box in Winter Months or Cloudy Days. During the darker months or if you live in a place with limited sunlight, you might want to use a light therapy box. These devices mimic natural daylight and can be particularly helpful for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder or anyone looking to boost their mood when natural light isnât readily available.
Remember, if you are considering alternative treatment options, it is essential to be informed and to find a provider you trust.
I hope this newsletter provides a solid jumping off point for further discussions with your doctor. If you found this to be helpful, click below and share this newsletter with a friend or family member.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
Follow me on TikTok
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Itâs no secret that we live in a time of heightened division.
Whether itâs politics, social issues, or even day-to-day matters, it feels like people are more polarized than ever.
According to a 2021 study from the Pew Research Center, nearly 80% of Americans feel the country is more divided than it was in the past.
And this isnât just an American phenomenonâsimilar trends are seen globally.
The divide often creeps into our most personal spaces, affecting relationships with friends, family members, and colleagues.
These conflicts can be exhausting. Their emotional toll can be significant. They can make us feel anxious, frustrated, or even hopeless when we see our loved ones from such different perspectives. Family gatherings, holidays, or even simple social media interactions can feel like walking through a minefield.
According to a recent survey by the American Psychological Association, around 68% of Americans say that they feel significant stress about the future of the nation due to these divides, and about half of the people surveyed admitted to losing friendships or distancing themselves from family members because of political or ideological differences.
So, how do we navigate these situations without losing the people who matter most to us?
To understand why political and ideological differences spark such intense reactions, we need to first recognize what these beliefs represent for people. These arenât just casual opinions; they often form a core part of a person's identity.
Political beliefs, for example, are frequently tied to deep-seated values, moral convictions, and a sense of belonging to a particular group or community. When someoneâs values or core beliefs are challenged, it can feel like a personal attack. Our brains are wired to respond to threatsâboth physical and psychologicalâin similar ways.
Research from the University of Southern California found that when people read statements that contradict their deeply held beliefs, the brain regions associated with emotional regulation, like the amygdala, show heightened activity. This means that, neurologically, our bodies can respond to these situations as if they were genuine threats.
To further complicate matters, online platforms tend to amplify conflicts. People often feel emboldened to express their opinions without the filters they might use in face-to-face interactions. This can lead to misunderstandings and escalation, as itâs easy to misinterpret tone or intent in written communication. Social media algorithms also have a propensity to show us content that reinforces our existing beliefs, making it even harder to understand where the âother sideâ is coming from. This environment fosters an âus versus themâ mentality, which is not conducive to constructive dialogue.
How to Navigate Difficult Conversations and Maintain Healthy Relationships
Active listening is a super technique that will work in the most difficult circumstances when you need or want to engage in a challenging discussion and you care about the person in front of you.
Active listening is a crucial skill for navigating difficult conversations and maintaining healthy relationships, especially when discussing emotionally charged topics or facing ideological differences.
Active listening is more than just hearing the words someone is saying; itâs about fully engaging with them to understand their perspective.
Hereâs why active listening is so important:
* Active listening builds understanding and empathy. Active listening helps you genuinely understand the other personâs perspective, not just their words. When you listen actively, youâre more likely to grasp the emotions, values, and experiences underlying their viewpoint. This deeper understanding reduces misunderstandings and helps bridge gaps in communication.
* Active listening reduces defensive reactions. When people feel heard and understood, theyâre less likely to become defensive or aggressive. Active listening can defuse anger or frustration by validating the other personâs experience, even when there is disagreement. It sends the message, âI respect you enough to hear you out,â which can calm emotions and create space for a more productive dialogue.
* Active listening enhances trust and connection. Trust in any relationship grows when people feel safe sharing their thoughts and feelings. Active listening demonstrates that you value what the other person has to say, strengthening trust and intimacy.
* Active listening encourages collaborative problem-solving. Active listening allows you to identify shared values or goals, even when you disagree on certain points. This can pave the way for finding common ground or at least understanding where the other person is coming from, making it easier to work toward mutually acceptable solutions.
* Active listening strengthens self-awareness and emotional intelligence. Active listening requires you to be present and mindful, which naturally leads to greater self-awareness. As you become more attuned to others, you also become more aware of your reactions, biases, and triggers, which helps in managing your emotions during difficult conversations.
Exercise: How to Practice Active Listening
Step 1: Be fully present.Put away distractions. This means no checking your phone or glancing at the TV while theyâre speaking. Make eye contact and nod occasionally to show youâre engaged. Your body language communicates a lot about your willingness to listen.
Step 2: Reflect and paraphrase.After the other person has spoken, reflect back on what they said in your own words. For example, you could say, âSo what I hear you saying isâŠâ This shows them that youâre genuinely trying to understand their viewpoint, not just waiting for your turn to speak. Then ask, âDoes that sound about right? Is there anything to add?â This way, they have an opportunity to reflect back to you and clear up any miscommunications before they occur.
Step 3: Ask open-ended questions.Encourage them to explain their viewpoint further. Instead of questions that can be answered with a âyesâ or âno,â ask things like, âCan you tell me more about why you feel that way?â or âWhat experiences have shaped your opinion on this?â This keeps the conversation open and allows for deeper understanding.
Step 4: Validate their feelings.Even if you disagree with what theyâre saying, acknowledge the emotions behind their words. You might say something like, âI can see why you feel so strongly about this,â or âIt sounds like this is really important to you.â Validation doesnât mean agreement; it means recognizing the other personâs perspective as valid.
Step 5: Be aware of nonverbal cues.Pay attention to both your and their body language, tone, and facial expressions. Sometimes whatâs not said is just as important as what is. For example, if you notice theyâre crossing their arms or their voice is getting tense, it may be a sign that theyâre feeling defensive or uncomfortable.
Give these a try in the coming weeks, and Iâd be willing to bet that you see positive changes in how you communicate with others.
To learn more about active listening and tips on how to establish healthier habits, take a listen to my podcast episode this week right here in Substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
If you found this helpful, forward it to a friend who you think would benefit from it.
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Have you ever wondered why you feel a rush of satisfaction after checking off a to-do list item or savoring a delicious meal?
Thatâs dopamine at workâone of the most important neurotransmitters in your brain, influencing your mood, motivation, and sense of reward. But dopamine is more than just a feel-good chemical; it plays a significant role in regulating many aspects of your mental health.
What is Dopamine?
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter, or chemical messenger, that your brain uses to send signals between nerve cells. Produced in areas of the brain like the ventral tegmental area (VTA) and substantia nigra, dopamine plays a major role in the brainâs reward system. When you experience something pleasurableâlike finishing a project, eating your favorite food, or getting a complimentâdopamine is released, creating feelings of satisfaction and motivating you to seek out similar rewards in the future.
Dopamineâs influence goes beyond just making you feel good. It also helps you learn, focus, and make decisions. By reinforcing behaviors that lead to rewards, dopamine encourages you to repeat positive actions. However, this drive to feel good can be a double-edged sword, as it can lead to unhealthy habits or compulsive behaviors when dopamine is artificially boosted through things like substance use or excessive social media scrolling.
Dopamine and Mood Regulation
So, how exactly does dopamine impact your mood?
Dopamine is crucial for maintaining motivation and emotional balance. It plays a key role in the brainâs prefrontal cortex, the area responsible for decision-making, emotion regulation, and higher-order thinking. It also directly influences the nucleus accumbens, the part of your brainâs reward system that creates feelings of pleasure. When dopamine is released in this pathway, you feel happy, satisfied, and motivated to continue.
On the flip side, low dopamine levels can make it hard to experience pleasure, a state known as anhedonia. This lack of reward signals can lead to feelings of apathy, low motivation, and difficulty finding joy in daily activities, which is why dopamine is so important for maintaining a healthy mood. When dopamine levels are out of balanceâtoo high or too lowâyour mood can suffer, leading to mental health challenges.
Chronically low dopamine levels can contribute to several mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety disorders, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), Parkinsonâs Disease, and substance use disorders.
To learn more about the relationship between dopamine and specific mental health symptoms, take a listen to my podcast episode this week right here in Substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
Non-Habit Forming Ways to Boost Dopamine
Thereâs a lot of information out there on how to boost dopamine, such as through the use of supplements, which have not been FDA approved or evaluated for this specific benefit. Before you try any supplements, make sure you speak with your health provider first.
Also, people often become addicted to alcohol, drugs, or other activities that unnaturally stimulate dopamine, but this lowers your brainâs own ability to boost dopamine naturally - which is why people end up needing more and more of the addictive substance or behavior to achieve the same âhighsâ they experienced in the past.
How can we boost our dopamine levels naturally, without turning to potentially harmful habits or substances? Here are a few proven methods:
* Physical exercise: Regular aerobic activities like running, cycling, or dancing are fantastic for releasing dopamine. Even a short walk can do wonders.
* Dietary choices: Eating foods rich in tyrosine, a precursor to dopamine, can help. Think almonds, bananas, avocados, and dairy products.
* Sunlight exposure: Did you know that just a bit of sunshine can boost your dopamine levels? Vitamin D plays a key role in the brainâs dopamine production.
* Mindfulness and meditation: Practices like mindfulness meditation can increase dopamine release by reducing stress and promoting a sense of calm.
* Engage in creative activities: Activities like painting, writing, or even cooking something new can stimulate dopamine production. Learning a new skill or challenging yourself also gives your brain a dopamine boost.â
Dopamine Power Tip: Setting Small, Achievable Goals
Hereâs a simple but powerful strategy to naturally boost your dopamine levels: setting small, achievable goals.
Why does this work? Well, whenever you accomplish a taskâno matter how smallâyour brain releases dopamine. Itâs like your brainâs way of giving you a little pat on the back, saying, âGreat job! Keep going!â This sense of accomplishment and reward can make you feel more motivated, happier, and ready to tackle the next challenge.
Here are the step by step instructions.
* Start Small: The key here is to start with something manageable. For example, begin with a goal that you can achieve in just 5 or 10 minutes. It could be something as simple as making your bed, doing a quick stretching routine, or drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning. The idea is to pick something thatâs easy to accomplish so you can feel that immediate sense of reward. Examples of small goals include:The key here is to start with something manageable. For example, begin with a goal that you can achieve in just 5 or 10 minutes. It could be something as simple as making your bed, doing a quick stretching routine, or drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning. The idea is to pick something thatâs easy to accomplish so you can feel that immediate sense of reward. Examples of small goals include the following.
* Physical Health Goals: Do 5 minutes of stretching every morning, take a 10-minute walk, or drink 8 ounces of water right after waking up.
* Mental Health Goals: Write down three things youâre grateful for each day, meditate for 5 minutes, or practice deep breathing exercises.
* Productivity Goals: Organize your desk, respond to one email, or declutter a small space in your home.
* Social Goals: Call or text a friend you havenât spoken to in a while, give someone a genuine compliment, or smile at a stranger.
* Self-Care Goals: Read a few pages of a book, take a relaxing bath, or spend a few minutes in nature.
* Be Specific: When you set your goal, make it specific. Instead of saying, âIâll exercise today,â say, âIâll walk around the block for 10 minutes after lunch.â This specificity gives your brain a clear target, making it easier to know when youâve achieved it.
* Celebrate Your Success: Once youâve completed the task, take a moment to acknowledge your accomplishment. Give yourself a little cheer, a fist pump, or even just a mental note of âWell done!â This positive reinforcement is crucial because it encourages your brain to keep seeking that rewarding feeling.
* Gradually Increase Complexity: As you get into the habit of achieving these small goals, start to gradually increase their complexity or duration. For example, if your initial goal was to take a 5-minute walk, try extending it to 10 or 15 minutes. The gradual build-up keeps things interesting and continues to challenge your brain in a way that promotes sustained dopamine release.
* Create a Daily or Weekly Checklist: Consider creating a simple checklist of these small goals. This could be a note on your phone, a sticky note on your fridge, or even a dedicated journal. Each time you check off a task, your brain gets a dopamine boost. Plus, having a visual reminder helps keep you motivated and on track.
* Pair Goals with Enjoyable Activities: Another effective strategy is to pair your small goals with something you enjoy. For example, if your goal is to go for a walk, listen to your favorite podcast or playlist while you do it. This combination can help reinforce the behavior and make it more enjoyable, creating a double dopamine effect!
Putting it All Together
Letâs put this into practice. Say your goal for today is to âdrink a glass of water right after waking up.â You wake up, you pour yourself a glass of water, and you drink it. Then, take a moment to smile and acknowledge yourself for completing that taskâsimple, right? Thatâs all it takes!
Tomorrow, you might add another goal: âStretch for 5 minutes after drinking water.â As you start building these small, consistent habits, youâll find your brain craves that sense of accomplishment more and more, making it easier to maintain these healthy behaviors over time.
My challenge for you today is to set one small, specific goal for yourself. Write it down, accomplish it, and then celebrate your success, no matter how small it may seem. Feel free to share your goal and how it felt to achieve it with us on social media or through our email! Weâd love to hear how these little changes are making a difference in your day.
Remember, the journey to better mental health and well-being is made up of many small steps, and every little victory counts!
If you found this helpful, forward it to a friend who you think would benefit from it.
Dr. Judy
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
You might be addicted.
In our current world, there are addiction traps everywhere - activities that unnaturally spike your dopamine receptors and motivates you to seek more of those good feelings again and again.
I bet if you look aroundâand maybe even look at your own behaviorsâyou might notice that you (or some people you love) are doing some things that would put one at risk for a behavioral addiction.
Everyoneâs heard of alcohol or drug addiction, and youâve also likely heard of more common behavioral addictions like gambling or gaming.But there are some lesser known behavioral addictions, while not diagnoses, can wreak havoc on your life and take you away from your goals.
Lesser Known Addictions
Here are some examples of behavioral addictions:
* Workaholism is when individuals feel a constant need to be productive. They might derive their self-worth from their job performance. This addiction is often socially reinforced in cultures that prioritize success and productivity, like America. Over time, workaholism can lead to burnout, strained relationships, and physical health issues like chronic stress and sleep disorders.
* Exercise addiction occurs when someone feels compelled to exercise excessively, often to the detriment of their own physical health. It can be driven by a desire for control, a need to cope with emotions, or maybe an unhealthy body image. Exercise addiction can lead to overtraining injuries and an imbalance.
* Shopping addiction is compulsive buying. This is an uncontrollable urge to shop and purchase items often driven by emotional needs rather than practical ones.The act of buying provides a temporary emotional high, but then it's followed by guilt or shame. Shopping addiction can result in financial problems, strained relationships, and emotional distress because a person is struggling with their inability to control their spending.
* Obsessive-compulsive cleaning addiction is usually rooted in obsessive-compulsive disorder or obsessive-compulsive personality traits. This is a compulsive need to clean and organize. This behavior is often driven by an overwhelming anxiety about germs or some kind of messiness in your environment. Unlike typical cleaning, which is done, this leads to repetitive cleaning routines that interfere with daily life and also their relationships.
* News addiction involves an overwhelming compulsion to consume news constantly. Itâs often driven by the fear of missing out, by anxiety, or the need for control in uncertain times. Essentially, this is a form of doom scrolling. This addiction is characterized by excessive time spent reading, watching, or listening to negative news, often to the detriment of the person's mental health and daily functioning.
* Food addiction is characterized by an intense and uncontrollable craving for certain types of food, typically those that are high in sugar, fat, and salt. People with food addiction may consume these foods compulsively, even when they are not hungry or when they know it could have negative effects on their health, well-being, or emotional state.
* Social media addiction is characterized by excessive time spent on platforms even though you know psychologically you're having a negative response. This type of addiction can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression, and issues with self-esteem due to constant comparison with others.
To learn more about common behavioral addictions and tips on how to establish healthier habits, take a listen to my podcast episode this week right here in substack, on Apple, Spotify, or watch on YouTube.
Why Are Some Behaviors So Addictive?
There are a variety of psychological mechanisms behind behavioral addictions.
Like alcohol and substance addictions, behavioral addictions are linked to the brain's reward systems.
These are activities that quickly release dopamine at rates and amounts much higher than usual. These activities create that temporary feeling of pleasure or relief from discomfort. Dopamine is also a motivational neurotransmitter. That means when you do achieve those good feelings from higher levels of dopamine, your brain is also saying at the same time, âpay attention, and do this again next time.â In other words, your brain is telling you to remember this activity and seek out other opportunities to do it, just so that you can achieve those positive experiences again.
Over time, your brain begins to selectively prioritize activities that spike dopamine quickly in unnatural ways. Itâs looking for that quick fix. And over time, it will need more and more of that activity in more intensive amounts in order to experience the same pleasurable sensations, because our brains and bodies acclimate and build tolerance to something we use or do over and over again.
This is how a seemingly innocuous behavior can become addictive.
Many behavioral addictions also serve as a coping mechanism for a person to deal with their negative emotions or to escape negative thinking.
The addictive behavior distracts them temporarily from these negative sensations and reinforces the compulsion to repeat it the next time you're struggling with negative feelings and thoughts.
Cultural norms and societal pressures can also reinforce certain behaviors, making it harder to recognize them as addictive. If you work with a lot of workaholics, for example, it all feels normative to all of you. It might even feel like a badge of honor.
The fact that many of these behaviors are often associated with activities that are generally considered beneficial or socially acceptable make it more difficult to identify when they have become compulsive and detrimental to your well-being.
Combating Behavioral Addictions and Finding B.A.L.A.N.C.E.
I want to share a simple yet effective strategy to help you maintain balance in your life, hobbies, and activities, ensuring you derive the most joy and health benefits from what you do.
With some of the above behavioral addictions, itâs not about doing away with the behavior completely. In moderation, these behaviors can add to your life and be a good part of your overall coping repertoire.
B.A.L.A.N.C.E is a good acronym for different activities that will help you to have more healthy living and to engage in activities in a more healthful way that isn't too excessive or problematic for the other areas of your life.
* B - Boundaries: Set clear boundaries for yourself to ensure activities like work, exercise, and social media do not take over your life. Recognize when to say no and when to take breaks.
* A - Awareness: Cultivate self-awareness to recognize when a behavior is becoming excessive. Regularly check in with yourself about your habits and their impact on your life.
* L - Lifestyle Variety: Engage in a diverse range of activities. Balance work with play, exercise with rest, and social interactions with alone time to prevent over-reliance on any one activity.
* A - Accountability: Have someone you trust to keep you accountable, whether it's a friend, family member, or therapist. This helps in maintaining perspective and keeping behaviors in check.
* N - Nourishment: Focus on nourishing your body and mind, not just through food but also through positive relationships, hobbies, and relaxation.
* C - Connection: Prioritize meaningful connections with others. Healthy relationships can act as a buffer against addictive behaviors and provide support when needed.
* E - Enjoyment: Make sure your activities bring you genuine enjoyment and fulfillment, rather than serving as mere distractions or coping mechanisms.
If you're honest with yourself and you follow this acronym of balance, you're going to be able to hone in on those healthy behaviors and activities to buffer up your mental wellness every single day.
Hereâs to your mental health,
Dr. Judy
P.S. If you found this helpful, I hope youâll forward it to a friend.
Help 2 Heal: Brain Health Event!
On September 13th, at the Reno Tahoe International Art Show, TEDxReno will be hosting a special Salon as part of a series entitled HELP 2 HEAL, which highlights organizations who are doing healing work in our community. This Salon is focused on Brain Health, and the panel is curated by EPIC Brain Centers in Reno. More info below and to grab your tickets, click here.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Have you heard of autosuggestion?
Itâs less complex than it sounds and can be an instrumental tool to help you get to that next level in your relationship, career, and personal development.
Iâve personally seen autosuggestion work wonders for my patients, even those who have struggled with bad habits and negative vicious cycles for a very long time.
By consistently practicing autosuggestion, you can:
* transform your mindset,
* unlock your potential, and
* move confidently toward your best self.
What is Autosuggestion?
Autosuggestion is a psychological technique that involves the use of positive affirmations and self-directed statements to influence your subconscious mind.
You can think of it as a method to reprogram your mind to believe in your capabilities, focus on your goals, and cultivate a mindset that supports your growth and well-being.
Our minds are incredibly powerful, and the thoughts we entertain shape our reality. When we feed our minds with positive and constructive thoughts, we begin to align our actions, decisions, and behaviors with those thoughts.
The subconscious mind doesnât distinguish between whatâs real and whatâs imagined; it simply accepts the information it is given. By practicing auto-suggestion, you can effectively rewire your thought patterns, reduce self-doubt, and increase your confidence. This, in turn, empowers you to take action, overcome obstacles, and achieve your goals.
If you consistently tell yourself, âIâm capable of achieving my dreams,â over time, youâll start to believe it. This belief will influence your actions, leading you to take steps that bring you closer to your dreams.
You have the power to shape your realityâone thought, one affirmation, one step at a time.
Top 5 ways to incorporate autosuggestion into your daily routine
1. Gratitude Journaling
Keep a dedicated journal where you write down things youâre grateful for every day. This could be specific events, people in your life, or simple pleasures.
To build this routine, set aside time in the morning or before bed to write three to five things youâre grateful for. Try to focus on different aspects each day to keep your gratitude fresh. This practice helps shift your focus from whatâs lacking to whatâs abundant in your life.
2. Mirror Work
Mirror work involves standing in front of a mirror and speaking affirmations directly to yourself. This practice helps build self-esteem and reinforces positive beliefs.
To build this routine, stand in front of a mirror, make eye contact with yourself, and repeat affirmations like âI am worthy of love and respectâ or âI believe in my ability to succeed.â Try doing this at least once a day, ideally in the morning or before bed, to reinforce self-worth and confidence.
3. Sleep Programming
Use the time before you drift off to sleep to influence your subconscious mind with positive affirmations or suggestions.
To build this routine, you can listen to pre-recorded affirmations or positive statements through a podcast, app, or a recording you create yourself. Play these affirmations quietly as youâre lying in bed, allowing them to be the last thoughts your mind absorbs before sleep. Your brain is particularly receptive during this time, making it a powerful moment for auto-suggestion.
4. Positive Environment
Surround yourself with visual and auditory cues that inspire positivity and growth.
To build this routine, decorate your living or working space with inspirational quotes, images that make you feel happy, and objects that remind you of your goals. You can also choose to listen to uplifting music or podcasts that keep your mindset positive throughout the day.
5. Empowering Music
Create a playlist of songs that uplift and inspire you, and listen to it during key moments.
To build this routine, choose songs with lyrics that resonate with your goals or simply tunes that make you feel powerful and motivated. Play this playlist during your morning routine, before important meetings, or anytime you need a boost of confidence and energy. Music has a strong influence on mood, so use it to your advantage.
To learn more about auto-suggestion, I encourage you to give my most recent podcast episode a listen here in substack, on Apple, or on Spotify. You can also watch the video podcast on YouTube. In just 10 minutes, you learn how this simple yet profound technique can transform your mental wellness and help you achieve your goals.
Hereâs to your mental health,
Dr. Judy
P.S. If you found this helpful, I hope youâll forward it to a friend.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Remember Inception?
Now, Iâm not going to teach you how to execute a dream heist, but I am going to teach you about lucid dreaming.
Lucid dreaming is essentially when a dreamer becomes aware that theyâre dreaming. You may have heard of people saying that they have lucid dreams. But did you know that with some practice, we can all have lucid dreams?
There are a couple of different types of lucid dreams.
When you have a full lucid dream, you have full awareness that youâre in a dream. Youâll have the ability to manipulate the dream environment, characters or narrative. Thereâs a sense of clarity and vividness that can sometimes surpass waking reality.
When you have a semi-lucid dream, youâll have some awareness that youâre dreaming, but that awareness will be incomplete or less intense. You might recognize certain elements as part of a dream, but you may not be able to have full control over your actions during the dream.
One of the really interesting things about lucid dreaming is that they have some mental health benefits:
* Lucid dreaming has been associated with higher levels of creativity and enhanced creative problem solving, because it involves you consciously interacting with your dream environment. This gives you a unique space to think about ways to get out of a problem because youâre not bound by the laws of physics or constrained to the way you usually think. Lucid dreams can be a safe way to explore creative ideas without consequences. Because youâre in a dream, you can âtry outâ different options to see what makes the most sense and fits best, and then alter your best idea to be implemented in reality.
* Lucid dreams might allow you to delve deeper into thoughts and insights about yourself, which can help promote better mental wellness because you get access to subconscious material that you might otherwise not actually be aware of. During lucid dreaming, people can consciously confront and process difficult emotions in a safe, controlled environment. This can help them deal with unresolved emotional issues, leading to better emotional balance and mental health. Lucid dreaming can serve as an adjunct to exposure therapy, allowing individuals to face fears or anxieties in their dreams and practice coping mechanisms without real-world consequences.
* Lucid dreaming allows you to take control of their dreams, which can reduce the anxiety that often stems from feelings of helplessness or lack of control in waking life. For people who suffer from frequent nightmares, particularly those with PTSD or other anxiety disorders, lucid dreaming can be a therapeutic tool. It enables them to consciously alter the narrative of their nightmares, reducing their intensity or transforming them into more neutral or positive experiences.
* Lucid dreaming can boost confidence by giving you a sense of mastery over their dream world. This feeling of empowerment can carry over into waking life, helping people feel more capable of handling real-world challenges. For some people, lucid dreaming can provide a platform for spiritual or existential exploration, which can lead to a greater sense of purpose or meaning in life, contributing to overall mental well-being.
If youâre interested in exploring lucid dreaming, here are a few different techniques I recommend.
Technique #1: Reality testing
Reality testing involves regularly checking whether you're awake or dreaming.
The goal of this is to build the habit of questioning your reality, so this habit carries over into your dreams.Remember the top in inception? Itâs just like that.
Another common reality check is to try to push one finger through the other handâs palm or reading a piece of text, looking away, and then reading it again, since in dreams the text will sometimes change.
Technique #2: Mnemonic induction
The mnemonic method involves using a mantra, or an intention, to increase the likelihood of becoming lucid in a dream. This method leverages your intention and memory to help you recognize when you are in a dream state.
To do this, before going to sleep, repeat a phrase like I will realize I'm dreaming in your mind or out loud. Visualize yourself becoming lucid in a recent dream or in a desired dream scenario.
Technique #3: Wake back to bed
This is a method that involves waking up during the night and then returning to sleep after a short period of wakefulness.
To do this, set an alarm to wake up about five or six hours after you go to sleep, then try to stay awake for 20-60 minutes and engage in activities that might promote lucid dreaming, such as reading about lucid dreaming or repeating a mantra to yourself. Then go back to bed with the intention of becoming lucid in your next dream.
Technique #4: Dream journaling
Dream journaling is the practice of recording your dreams as soon as you wake up. It's a powerful tool with a lot of benefits. By consistently writing down your dreams, you become more familiar with the patterns and themes within your dreams. It makes it easier to recognize when you're dreaming and then ultimately to have control over those dreams. Here are some reasons why you might want to keep a dream journal and the advantages it offers:
* It improves dream recall. It helps you to remember your dreams more vividly and you can analyze the themes and understand yourself better.
* It increases self-awareness. Dream journaling is a way to encourage introspection and self-reflection. By analyzing your dreams, you can understand certain patterns that unfold in your thoughts, emotions, and subconscious mind.
* Dream journaling can enhance creativity. Dreams often contain symbolic or surreal elements that actually inspire creative ideas. Having a dream journal will allow you to have all these creative ideas in one place that you can reference when you're thinking about creative problem solving at a different time.
Hereâs how to start dream journaling:
* Keep a journal nearby your bed. Place a notebook and a pen on the nightstand so you can write down your dreams immediately upon waking.
* Record as much detail as possible. Write down everything you remember, even if it's just fragments or emotions. Include descriptions of the setting, people, action, and feelings. Even if it's incomplete, just spend five minutes documenting everything you remember from the nights before.
* Date your entries. Make sure you include the date with the inch. Include the date with each entry as well as the time of your journaling so you can track patterns or themes.
* Be consistent. Make dream journaling a daily habit. Even if you don't remember a dream, note down any sensations or thoughts you have upon waking.
* Review regularly. Periodically, read through your journal to identify recurring themes, symbols, or emotions.
Try these techniques out and let me know if youâre able to get into lucid dreaming! I'd love to hear how it works for you.
To learn more about the history behind lucid dreaming, you can check out my most recent episode of Mental Health Bites by listening right here on substack (see audio player above), on Apple or Spotify. You can also watch the video podcast on YouTube.
Yours in health,
Dr. Judy
Special bonus: 30-Day Healing Insecure Attachment Calendar
If youâre looking for concrete, practical ways to heal your attachment style, Iâve created a 30-day attachment healing calendar that is free to download for my email subscribers. Just click on the link below and follow along on the daily activities. If you have any questions, comments or have an idea for what resource I should feature next, Iâd love to hear from you! Comment on substack or you can send me a message on my social media.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
We all chase happiness.
But the pursuit of happiness doesnât work, at least when weâre looking for it outside of ourselves.
We canât control how others ultimately feel about us. We can try to impact it. We can try to shift it. But, at the end of the day, itâs not something we can force. So, if external approval is the end-all-be-all as your source of happiness, I have some bad news for you.
There are, however, several studies that have looked into the sources of happiness and how we can cultivate more of it in our lives.
One of the most well known studies is The Harvard Study of Adult Development, which is also known as the longest study on human happiness. Starting in 1938 with 724 participants (including JFK) has gone on to include three generations with over 1300 direct descendants of the original participants.
The current director of the study is Dr. Robert Waldinger. In his TED talk, which has over 26 million views, he shares some of the studyâs main conclusions, namely that âClose relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives.â
Waldinger, unsurprisingly, isnât the only person looking at human happiness. Researchers Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, and David Schkade proposed in 2005 paper the idea that there is a formula to human happiness:
40% actions + 50% genetics + 10% environment.
Now, this is not one-to-one. These percentages speak to the variation in the factors that impacted the studied population. How a factor impacts a groupâas collectiveâdoes not necessarily mean it will impact one person in the same way. However, it can tell us something important.
It tells us that the choices we make and the actions we take matter. And what we decide to do can have a tangible impact on our happiness.
So, what can you do to achieve happiness?
One popular acronym to boost joy is "GREAT DREAM," which encompasses key components for happiness and well-being:
* Giving: Do things for others.
* Relating: Connect with people.
* Exercising: Take care of your body.
* Awareness: Live life mindfully.
* Trying Out: Keep learning new things.
* Direction: Have goals to look forward to.
* Resilience: Find ways to bounce back.
* Emotions: Look for what's good.
* Acceptance: Be comfortable with who you are.
* Meaning: Be part of something bigger.
You will notice that these are all actions. These are not things that are done to you. They are actions that you take.
You have power over how you feel.
If you want community, you can go out and take it, find it, and make it.
One of the biggest things they found was the power of good relationships.
To explore more about the science of happiness, you can listen to my recent podcast episode on Apple or Spotify, or watch it on YouTube.
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Have you ever wondered, âwhy am I here?â âwhatâs my purpose in life?â or âwhat happens after I die?â
If youâre being honest with yourself, youâve likely thought about this at some point in time. Perhaps youâre even thinking that right now!
Existential anxiety is one of the most universal phenomenons that we go through as human beings.
It might manifest as the fear of death, where its inevitability can lead to anxiety. It might manifest as as an awareness of our mortality, which makes us worried about potential illnesses that could rob us of a longer life. It can also cause us to question why we do the things we do every day, and whether our activities, jobs, or relationships are âworth it.â
You may have found yourself questioning the purpose and meaning of life. At times, this can present as a sense of meaninglessness and even hopelessness.
The realization that weâre free to make choices in life, and thus are responsible for those choices, can lead to feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.
And a sense of isolation or loneliness, particularly in the context of understanding oneself as an individual distinct from others, can contribute to existential anxiety.
These arenât fun feelings, but theyâre immensely human ones. Theyâre inevitable for all of us at some point in time.
Thankfully, itâs more than possible to buttress yourself and let these feelings of existential anxiety be no more than a passing bit of worry while you go about creating and living a fulfilling, purposeful life.
One direct way to do this is by living in greater alignment with your values.
To gain purpose and resolve existential anxiety, you donât need more and more bucket list items, or things to check off a to-do list. You need to start with your values first and foremost, and let those guide your goal setting.
Values are deeply held beliefs or principles that guide a personâs actions and decisions. They represent what is most important to an individual and serve as a compass for behavior. Values are enduring and consistent over time; they are not something you achieve but rather something you continually live by.
In essence, values are the why behind our actionsâour underlying reasons for pursuing certain pathsâwhile goals are the what we aim to achieve along the way. Values provide direction, and goals mark the progress toward living out those values.
The following set of exercises can help you gain clarity on what matters most to you. This will help you make intentional choices that align with your values. By fostering a sense of purpose and meaning in life, you can reduce feelings of existential anxiety.
4 Ways to Live a Values-Centered Life
Step 1: Identify Core Values
* List Values: Write down a list of values that resonate with you. These can include things like compassion, honesty, creativity, family, personal growth, etc. If you're unsure, consider using a list of common values as a starting point.
* Reflect on Importance: Review the list and circle the 5-10 values that are most important to you.
Step 2: Reflect on Current Alignment
* Assess Alignment: For each of the values you've circled, rate on a scale of 1-10 how well you feel your current life aligns with these values (1 being not at all aligned, 10 being fully aligned).
* Identify Gaps: Note any discrepancies between your values and your current actions or lifestyle.
Step 3: Set Intentions and Goals
* Choose Areas for Growth: Choose one or two areas where you feel your actions are not aligning with your values.
* Set Specific Goals: Set specific, achievable goals that will help you align your actions more closely with these values. For example, if creativity is a core value, you might set a goal to engage in a creative activity, like painting or writing, at least once a week.
Step 4: Reflect and Revisit
* Regular Reflection: Take time regularly (e.g., weekly or monthly) to reflect on how well you are living in accordance with your values. Adjust your goals and actions as needed.
* Mindfulness Practice: Consider incorporating mindfulness practices to help stay present and aware of how your daily actions align with your values.
To learn more about understanding existential anxiety and how to navigate the unknown, I encourage you to give my most recent podcast a listen on Apple, Spotify, or watch it on YouTube. In just ten minutes, weâll explore the concept of existential anxiety, what it looks like, why it occurs, and how you can effectively cope with it. I also answer a listenerâs burning question about existential anxiety.
If you have questions about existential anxiety that youâd like me to answer, write a comment to me on substack or on any of my social media pages.
Hereâs to your health,
Dr. Judy
SXSW Panel Picker! I need your votes!
Have you heard of South by Southwest (SXSW)? SXSW is known for its conference and festivals that aim to foster creative and professional growth alike. It is a destination for global professionals and features sessions, showcases, screenings, exhibitions, and a variety of networking opportunities.
I submitted several ideas for talks, fireside chats and workshops for next yearâs conference. 30% of the conference committeeâs decisions are based on public vote, which shows interest in the topic and the speaker.
So if youâd like to hear me speak on any of the ideas below, please click on the links and VOTE! You have until August 18 to vote for your favorite talks before the committee decides who will be on the list of speakers.
* Goal Getter: Achieve Your Dreams with Attachment Healing (Fireside Chat)
* Beating Burnout: How to Promote Resilience (Workshop)
* The New Rules of Attachment (Book Reading)
* Get Out Of Your Own Way: How to Stop Self-Sabotage (Workshop)
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com -
Simplicity can have a profound impact on mental health.
It can reduce stress, increase focus, and foster a sense of calm and control.
Our brains crave routines. The repetition of a routine allows you to quickly go from flight or fight into a mode of rest and relaxation. In these modes we can be more creative and expand our thinking and engage more deeply in tasks that matter us.
In a way, routines help declutter our brain. We donât have to worry about what to do next because, well, itâs routine!
Simplifying your life can have a similar impact on our lives.
By decluttering, streamlining, and simplifying various aspects of our lives you can enhance your overall well-being.
Five Practical Steps to Simplify Your Life
1. Declutter Your Physical Space
How does this help? A clutter-free environment can reduce feelings of overwhelm and stress. It creates a sense of order and peace, making it easier for you to relax and focus.
Steps to Take:
* Start with one room or area at a time. Sort items into categories: keep, donate, recycle, or discard.
* Adopt a minimalist approach by keeping only items that are functional or bring you joy.
* Organize and store belongings in an orderly manner, using storage solutions to keep things tidy.
2. Streamline Your Digital Life
How does this help? Reducing digital clutter can minimize distractions, reduce decision fatigue, and improve your focus.
Steps to Take:
* Organize your email inbox by unsubscribing from unnecessary newsletters and categorizing important emails.
* Limit social media use by setting specific times for checking platforms and unfollowing accounts that don't contribute positively to your life.
* Clean up your desktop and digital files, and use cloud storage or external drives to back up important documents.
3. Simplify Your Schedule
How does this help? A simplified schedule reduces the stress of juggling too many commitments and allows you more time for relaxation and self-care.
Steps to Take:
* Prioritize your commitments by identifying the most important tasks and activities. Learn to say no to additional responsibilities that don't align with your priorities.
* Block out time for rest and self-care in your schedule, and stick to these appointments as you would any other commitment.
* Use a calendar or planner to organize your time effectively, avoiding overbooking yourself.
4. Nurture Essential Relationships
How does this help? Focusing on meaningful relationships can provide you with emotional support and reduce the stress of maintaining numerous, less significant connections.
Steps to Take:
* Invest time and energy in relationships that are supportive and enriching. Schedule regular catch-ups with close friends and family.
* Set boundaries in relationships that drain your energy or cause stress, and consider distancing yourself from toxic interactions.
* Focus on quality over quantity in your social life, seeking deep, meaningful connections rather than a large number of acquaintances.
5. Create Routines and Habits
How does this help? Consistent routines reduce decision-making fatigue and create a sense of stability and predictability.
Steps to Take:
* Develop morning and evening routines that include activities like meditation, journaling, or reading to set a positive tone for your day and wind down at night.
* Incorporate regular mindfulness practices, such as deep breathing or yoga, into your daily routine to reduce stress and increase presence.
* Stick to regular sleep and wake times to regulate your bodyâs internal clock and improve sleep quality.
Bonus Tip: Using AI as a way to streamline your mental health game
Letâs talk about AI.
The current boom in artificial intelligence has had interesting effects on peopleâs mental health. Last year, the American Psychological Associationâs Work in America Survey found that 38% of workers reported that they had concerns about AI making elements of their job obsolete in the future.
Now, these concerns are valid. But AI also presents new tools that we can use to improve our mental health - and can be used to create an easy routine to follow that ensures youâll take key actions to improve your well-being.
You can check out this recent podcast episode I did, titled âAI Mental Health Takeover?â The audio is embedded in this newsletter (at the top), or you can listen to it on Apple Podcasts or watch the video version on YouTube.
In this episode, we delve into the intersection of artificial intelligence (AI) and mental health, exploring the potential benefits and risks of using AI for mental wellness.
So today, I want to leave with you one more practical tip on how you can utilize AI-powered mental health apps for daily check-ins.
AI-powered mental health apps, like Woebot, Wysa, or Youper, can offer personalized support and help you track your mental health over time. These apps use AI to provide real-time, evidence-based coping strategies, mood tracking, and mindfulness exercises. (Note: I am not personally endorsing any of these apps; but they are ones that my clients have found helpful).
How to Implement:
* Choose the Right App: Select an AI mental health app that aligns with your needs. Many of these apps offer free trials, so you can test a few before committing.
* Daily Check-Ins: Set aside a few minutes each day to check in with the app. Answer questions about your mood, stress levels, and any specific challenges youâre facing. The AI will use this information to tailor its responses and suggestions.
* Engage with Exercises: Follow the appâs recommendations for mindfulness exercises, cognitive-behavioral techniques, or journaling prompts. These activities can help you manage stress and develop healthier thought patterns.
* Track Progress: Regularly review your mood and activity logs within the app to identify patterns and triggers. This can provide valuable insights and help you and your therapist make more informed decisions about your mental health care.
* Combine with Traditional Therapy: Use the appâs insights as a supplement to your regular therapy sessions. Share your app data with your therapist to give them a more comprehensive view of your mental health between sessions.
Hereâs to your mental health,
Judy
SXSW Panel Picker! I need your votes!
Have you heard of South by Southwest (SXSW)? SXSW is known for its conference and festivals that aim to foster creative and professional growth alike. It is a destination for global professionals and features sessions, showcases, screenings, exhibitions, and a variety of networking opportunities.
I submitted several ideas for talks, fireside chats and workshops for next yearâs conference. 30% of the conference committeeâs decisions are based on public vote, which shows interest in the topic and the speaker.
So if youâd like to hear me speak on any of the ideas below, please click on the links and VOTE! You have until August 18 to vote for your favorite talks before the committee decides who will be on the list of speakers.
* Goal Getter: Achieve Your Dreams with Attachment Healing (Fireside Chat)
* Beating Burnout: How to Promote Resilience (Workshop)
* The New Rules of Attachment (Book Reading)
* Get Out Of Your Own Way: How to Stop Self-Sabotage (Workshop)
Order The New Rules of Attachment here: https://bit.ly/3MvuvvF
Check out my TEDxReno talk
Visit my website!
Take my Attachment Styles Quiz!
Follow me on LinkedIn
Follow me on Instagram
Follow me on Facebook
Follow me on X
About me:
Dr. Judy Ho, Ph. D., ABPP, ABPdN is a triple board certified and licensed Clinical and Forensic Neuropsychologist, a tenured Associate Professor at Pepperdine University, television and podcast host, and author of Stop Self-Sabotage. An avid researcher and a two-time recipient of the National Institute of Mental Health Services Research Award, Dr. Judy maintains a private practice where she specializes in comprehensive neuropsychological evaluations and expert witness work. She is often called on by the media as an expert psychologist and is also a sought after public speaker for universities, businesses, and organizations.
Dr. Judy received her bachelor's degrees in Psychology and Business Administration from UC Berkeley, and her masters and doctorate from SDSU/UCSD Joint Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology. She completed a National Institute of Mental Health sponsored fellowship at UCLA's Semel Institute.
This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit drjudyho.substack.com - Visa fler
