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Libby is joined by Genevieve King of Chill Polyamory to discuss individualism, community care, and ways you can shift your mindset to ecological thinking within polyamorous (or not!) relationship structures.
Genevieve's Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/chillpolyamory
Genevieve on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PUizxdp_vj2A5fUdBgzgw
Genevieve's website: https://www.chillpolyamory.com/
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Libby invites Courtney Brame of Something Positive for Positive People to discuss herpes, stigma, and sexual health.
Something Positive for Positive People: https://www.spfpp.org/
SPFPP Podcast: https://www.spfpp.org/podcast Herpes Stigma Virtual Conference in May: https://www.spfpp.org/offerings/p/conferences
Courtney's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/courtneybrame_/
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Libby discusses the distinction between offers and requests in relating and how important it can be to make sure you're saying what you actually mean.
Kai Cheng Thom's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kaichengthom/?hl=en Spectrum of Consent: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kvYW4eSVKRuwUt5Mc-DnCyNVzvA036f8/view?usp=sharing
Marcia Baczynski on Desire Smuggling: https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/desire-smuggler/
27 Alternatives to "Is this Okay?": https://askingforwhatyouwant.com/27-alternatives-to-asking-is-this-okay/
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Libby talks with AASECT-certified sexuality educator Aubri Lancaster about asexuality and aromanticism.
Aubri's website: https://acesexeducation.com/
Aubri's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acesexeducation/
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Libby shares her thoughts about debate about whether hierarchy is bad or wrong in polyamory.
Additional reading: Lola Phoenix - the Hierarchy Polyamorous People Don't Talk Enough About: https://www.nonmonogamyhelp.com/the-hierarchy-polyamorous-people-dont-talk-enough-about/
Ready for Polyamory - Is there a Problem with Hierarchy https://www.readyforpolyamory.com/post/guest-post-is-there-a-problem-with-hierarchy
Poly.Land - Sneakiarchy: https://poly.land/2018/11/01/sneakiarchy-secret-hierarchy-dishonest-egalitarianism/
Joreth Retracts Descriptive vs Prescriptive Hierarchy: https://joreth.dreamwidth.org/408917.html
Podcast episodes referenced in the episode: Veto Happens: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/veto-happens
Where is this Going?: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-going
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Most folks practicing nonmonogamy accept that no one person can meet all their needs. And yet, sometimes it can be challenging when a new partner starts meeting needs that haven't been met by an established relationship. In this episode Libby explores the trickiness when new relationships fulfill desires that established ones don't some ideas to help you navigate this situation well.
There’s Nothing to Fear: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/theres-nothing-to-fear
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9 Relationships of a Modern Marriage: https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/9-relationships-of-a-modern-marriage
Where is this going? https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/where-is-this-going
This may be a bitter pill https://www.makingpolyamorywork.com/episodes/this-may-be-a-bitter-pill -
This week Libby shares a re-release from December 2019 about the science of compassion, and why it's key to loving relationships, including the one with yourself.
The Gottman Institute on Contempt: https://www.gottman.com/blog/this-one-thing-is-the-biggest-predictor-of-divorce/The Harvard Business Review on Self-Compassion: https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassionAbout the Carleton University Study on Self-Compassion and Procrastination:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dont-delay/200903/self-forgiveness-reduces-procrastinationKristin Neff's Website on Self-Compassion:
https://self-compassion.org/
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Part two of Libby's conversation with Dr. Joli Hamilton where they discuss how navigating differences can open a relationship and the people in it into transformation.
Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/
The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO
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What happens when exploring different relationship styles reveals uncomfortable differences between you and a partner? In this episode, Libby talks with Dr. Joli Hamilton about polyamory as a sacred process of individuation and grief.
Joli's website: https://www.jolihamilton.com/
The Year of Opening: https://www.jolihamilton.com/TYO
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Long-requested, Libby discusses solo polyamory with Crystal Byrd Farmer, author, organizer, diversity consultant.. and solo polyamorist.
SHOW LINKS:
Crystal's website: https://crystalbyrdfarmer.com/
Crystal's book: https://newsociety.com/books/t/the-token
Solo polyamory: https://solopoly.net/2014/12/05/what-is-solo-polyamory-my-take/
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In this part 2, Libby and Alyssa talk through some of the challenges that can show up in nonmonogamy for people who are neurodiverse
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Libby and Alyssa discuss being neurodiverse and how polyamory and being neurodiverse can complement each other beautifully.
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Triangles show up in relationships all over the place. In this episode Libby discusses triangulation, what it is, common ways it can show up in polyamory, and whether triangulation can harm or help.
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Libby talks through when she personally does NOT opt for boundaries, and why boundaries are often the last move she will make in navigating relationship difficulties.
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Libby and Jules answer a listener who asks, "If boundaries are between you and you, then what is a boundary violation?" Jules also goes over her 6 steps to setting an external boundary.
Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/
Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175
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Libby is joined by author and therapist Juliane Taylor Shore to talk about internal boundaries and how crucial they are (even though they are often not talked about or overlooked when people talk about boundaries.)
Jules' Website: https://www.julianetaylorshore.com/
Jules Book, Setting Boundaries that Stick: https://bookshop.org/p/books/setting-boundaries-that-stick-how-neurobiology-can-help-you-rewire-your-brain-to-feel-safe-connected-and-empowered-juliane-taylor-shore/19642175
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The word "codependent" comes up a lot in polyamory spaces, but so often it is misused that it's losing its meaning. Libby talks about her dislike of the term, how she thinks it often is used to shame and pathologize perfectly normal human needs, and how she likes to talk about codependence differently.
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A lot of people are talking about boundaries now. But as Inigo Montoya once said, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." In this episode Libby explains that boundaries are not a magic way to get people to do what you want them to do.
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Nothing is a hot-button topic quite like a couple looking to date the same person. A lot of people have only one piece of advice, "Don't," often served with heaping portions of shame and ridicule. Yet, year after year, established couples seek to find a shared partner, and many folks also seek relationships with established couples. Is there something to this? In this episode, Libby offers some thoughts on why you might want to date as a couple (or date a couple) and some helpful ideas on how to do this well.
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Increasingly, Libby hears from folks who are interested in polyamory to solve a problem: either they or their partner cheated, and they want to repair and stay together, and nonmonogamy seems like a solution. In this episode, Libby outlines why it's rarely that simple.
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