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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life are about a way of living with daily routines over a lifetime. They are about bringing your heart, head, hands, and habits to your relationships and life. We build a lasting legacy one day at a time and one step at a time.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life focuses on the invitations, “response abilities,” and opportunities for men to see who they are created to be, so they can do what they are created to do.
A Reminder:
We are all created to live fullylove deeplylead well.Both men and women are created with the desire to live with:
passionintimacyintegrityQuestions to ask yourself about living fully:
Am I courageous? Do I bring my “full-hearted” participation to what I am doing?Am I curious? Do I ask questions so that I may learn more? Am I teachable?Am I compassionate? Do I have enough awareness of my own feelings and needs to identify and relate to others?The desire to answer, “Yes” to all three questions means you desire to be a competent human being.
Courage + Curiosity + Compassion = Competence
Men are called to:
“stand-up” to bring order into chaos
“speak up” when no one is speaking up for what is just or merciful.
“show up” to fill the void or absence of what is good or right.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life:
Movement #1 A Man orders his life following love’s code
God has directed us, allows us, and moves us to live life with these priorities.
The Man’s Life The Woman’s Life
God God
The Man (Self) The Woman (Self)
Spouse Children
Children Spouse
Friends Friends
Mission Mission
If a person is going to love anyone or any place, then they must be willing to suffer and feel all the feelings that come with love.
They also have to ultimately recognize that they are powerless over life. We have choice-making powers, but we don’t have power over all the outcomes.
Love is worth it, and it is a contract of a willingness to be in pain.
Love hurts. Think of raising a child—all the concerns, fears, heartaches, joys, struggles, worries, sadness, celebrations, daily difficulties, hopes, and dreams.
A man is given opportunity and a calling to
live fullylove deeplylead wellClick here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
The preface to Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life is vital because the movements are not just a list of twelve things to accomplish. They are twelve movements that are about a man’s whole life. They are processes that interlock and “circles” that join and move a man into wholeness and love and legacy.
The 12 Movements are about a man’s character of heart and having actions that match his character in order that he leaves behind a positive legacy.
Men are created to become someone who practices a lifestyle of:
Living fullyLoving deeplyLeading well a life that is worth treasuring by othersThese three territories integrated create a positive legacy.
It is vital for a man to practice healthy anger as part of the lifestyle that we will be discussing in the following episodes.
For greater clarity about healthy anger, listen to “Living With Heart” Podcast episode #19 and episode #20.
Also, read The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd
Healthy anger is a feeling that moves a person to live with passion. Passion is the gift we receive when we live our lives expressing healthy anger.
Passion is a willingness to be in pain for something that is greater than comfort or pain.
It communicates that a person values the heart and cares about something greater than his own self-protection, and vulnerability.
Healthy anger moves us to care, hunger, thirst, hope, want, and desire. It moves us to deal with and express the truths of the heart. It expresses our willingness to be vulnerable enough to care about something.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
A man is created to live with passion, even in a world that belittles it and mocks it.
A man who has passion is going to be on mission to accomplish that which he is moved from within to do.
A man is created to be capable of intimacy, or “into-me-see.” In other words, he is capable of sharing the truths of his heart.
He will accept his needs for the sake of mission. He will accept that he will need help to accomplish his desires. He will need other men in his life to help stay strong to care for his family.Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
This new podcast series, “Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life,” is not going to be exclusively for men. We want women to learn and have confidence in seeing and expecting men to be who they are created to be.
I created these twelve movements over 15 years ago when I was in my early 50s. I knew that I was not old enough to present them with assurance, because I had not witnessed them as a “lived experience” yet—even though I knew they were true.
I am now more of a witness to how extraordinarily true and vital they are for our society, for families, for marriages, for mission, for men in community with other men, and for a man with God.
I learned these truths and concepts from the thousands of men, couples, and families that I have worked with while running my treatment center and in my own consulting/mentoring practice that I started in 2019. This material is the culmination of work that began in 1988, if not before!
These twelve movements are not a list that a person checks off, completes the next step, and then gets his diploma. These movements are actually real processes, or interlocking circles that expand over a lifetime. They are never completed. They only end when the man’s life ends.
This episode lays the foundation for the twelve movements to follow:
We are all feeling creatures. We feel, need, desire, long and hope; and we imagine our lives being fully lived related to our feelings.We are all emotionally and spiritually created to do one thing in this life, to live fully (all purpose in life begins from the desire to live fully).We are literally born to find full life in relationship with ourselves (our own hearts and heads connected), with others, and with God. We are not created to “do” life alone.Neuroscience has “caught up” enough to verify and validate what has always been true. We are connection seeking creatures. We come out of the womb looking for who is looking for us. We find fulfillment through connection.Unlike all other mammals, we as human beings can attempt to run from or deny how we are created. We can attempt to use our “heads” to deny our heart’s makeup—to avoid vulnerability.We can use our minds to avoid engagement with the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of the heart. When we do so, we isolate ourselves from each other, our own makeup, and God.We all look to connect in three ways: (a) we all need to belong and matter; (b) we all seek safety and care; (c) we all crave the experience of being fully alive.Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Welcome back and Happy New Year’s Eve!
We are talking about the real meaning of resolution, what many us set our minds to focus on in the first of every year. We often fail not too long after we commit ourselves to some New Year’s resolution. There is a reason we often give up on our promises and commitments to ourselves.
We deal with that today:
What sets us up to fail, and how do we actually succeed.
New Year’s Day is often a marker day, one in which we look towards the future and ask significant questions:
What do I want to happen?What do I want to achieve?What do I imagine?What do I desire?Out of the answers to the questions, we set up markers and set our sights on getting to the goal lines of our hopes and dreams.
We often fail, not because we lack desire or good intentions. We fail because we attempt to achieve certain things with tools that do not work, starting with a mistaken understanding of what a resolution is.
We have been trained to think that a resolution means that I need to become hyper-focused, and that I need to become bound and determined through will power to achieve the goal. The mistaken teaching actually sets us up to fail.
Failure occurs in the following way:
The phrase “bound and determined” literally means to be “tied up” or “bound,” by being constricted, or not free. I actually become deterred (discouraged) by the very determination I think will bring success. Being bound means to be tied up, and determined becomes deterred, or stalled, from the very success I have resolved to achieve. Being tied and deterred is not the way to success.By going back to the word resolution and grasping its real meaning, we can start down a path of accomplishing what we seek.
Resolution actually means:
To re-solve, literally to untie what has become a knot. Resolve means to re-decide, to untie myself from something that binds me or stops me from having the life I seek.Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
“Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” podcast has been downloaded in 49 states and 68 countries. Thank you to all of our listeners. We are very grateful to you and also grateful that so many of you have shared this podcast with family and friends. We hope for many more listeners in the coming year because we deeply believe in what we are offering and how it can do for people.
I have never tired of or even thought I knew all the depths of The Spiritual Root System, even after all the years that I have been talking and teaching about it. We truly are created as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to find fulfillment in relationship. What seems so basic now, to almost everyone, sounded foreign to many, many people in 1991 when I began to communicate the power of surrendering to how we are created.
About 15 years ago, neuroscience research began to validate the material I have been talking about. The material I talk about is ancient, has always been true from the beginning, and is amazingly Biblical.
It is a reliable scientific material, and yet even more, it is faith-based proof of the existence and goodness of God.
We are “heart” people who have the addition of intellect that develops over time after birth.
We are born as “heart” people, and we are all created the same way.
This fact sets the stage for the actions of a loving and moral people. When I look at you, I am looking at myself, in terms of being a feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping creation.
This factor allows me to recognize the benefit of practicing the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12). As our sameness allows us to develop conscience, we can bless each other.
The more we deny our sameness, the more we harm each other. Of course, no matter what, we are going to still need to seek forgiveness; we are going to harm each other.
We have truly entered a new era, one of the heart.
Click here to continue reading episode highlights.
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Click here to read the episode highlights.
Now Available at Amazon
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepares us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com, and it can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotions that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity for fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Your Jesse Tree will be covered in Bible-themed ornaments that will be a daily reminder of the stories you have read and the promise of the coming Messiah. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.
There are three books that listeners may wish to go to about gratitude:
One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp which I mentioned in the last episode. This wonderful book deals a lot with gratitude that can come from loss and grief.
Gratitude Works and Little Book of Gratitude by Robert Emmons. These two very practical books were written by Emmons, a researcher who has studied the benefits of gratitude, how to develop it, and sustain it.
When we experience life as a gift, then we, as the receivers of the gifts in life, naturally have gratitude. Emmons and others have shown that having gratitude benefits our emotional and spiritual lives, as well as our physical well-being and our prosperity. Gratitude multiplies itself with its impact. When we yield to being in need of others and God, and experience the effect of needing, we receive a yield, or a harvest of benefits.
Not only do we have an expectation of good things in our lives, we also are able to recall good things in times of trouble. For example, recalling or remembering times when we received something good can help us persevere in troubled times. We can hang on to hope because of remembering.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Episode highlights:
Now Available at Amazon
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepares us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com, and it can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotions that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity with fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Your Jesse Tree will be covered in Bible-themed ornaments that will be a daily reminder of the stories you have read and the promise of the coming Messiah. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.
This is the first of two episodes on gratitude.
The final episode of the year will drop November 26. In this final episode, we will look back over our first year of “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death.”
We will start the new season December 31 with a new episode that focuses on New Year’s Resolutions.
What is gratitude and how do we experience it? Three factors play a part in experiencing gratitude.
Gratitude begins with our needs. God created us with an abundance of needs.
Whether we like it or not, we are “needy” creations of God.
Having our needs addressed and fulfilled is how gratitude occurs.
Our needs cannot be fulfilled without being in need of God and others.
Gratitude is experienced through relationship.
Needs are covered in great detail in:
Needs of the Heart by Chip Dodd“Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” podcast, episodes 2-16The 3 factors that summarize our essential needs are:
We all desire to belong and matter.We all seek safety and care.We all crave to experience a full life.Being in need or being “needy” is not a bad thing or a weakness. It is a human experience over which we are actually powerless.
We are created in ways that we cannot change. We can run from how we are made, but that does not change how we are created.
Many of us are trained to believe that having needs means you are weak.
Most people see having needs as:
a weakness.putting yourself in danger of being rejected.a negative experience that can keep them from belonging and mattering.a negative experience that can keep them from being safe and cared for.an experience that will keep them from having a full life.Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Congratulations to the 5 Winners of the Chip Dodd Book Bundles! Thank you to all of you who submitted a review of this podcast.
2 helpful, FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:
14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory
Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
Now Available at Amazon
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepares us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com, and it can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotions that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity with fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Your Jesse Tree will be covered in Bible-themed ornaments that will be a daily reminder of the stories you have read and the promise of the coming Messiah. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.
The reason for this podcast is because for people to have more life, more fulfillment. The things talked about here, and the materials referred to, are about knowing the language and content of your heart, and what that can do for you. It won’t stop pain, but helps you know what to do about it. It certainly doesn’t promise perfection or even happiness. But knowing the language and content of the heart helps people develop the ability to live life on life’s terms, with all of its heartbreak and heartache that conflicts with our craving for life without tragedy.
Our goal is for people to experience time in this life as Kairos, which means to experience your life emotionally and spiritually, fully participating in living, rather than Chronos, which means just getting life over with, letting the clock run down.
If we don’t allow ourselves to live emotionally and spiritually connected, then we have to find an escape or addiction.
Without living in Kairos, we are simply on a race to the grave.
Codependency recovery moves us into Kairos.
Because there has been so much misunderstanding about the proper use of feelings, there is a rising backlash against the importance of facing, feeling, and dealing with life by being able to be “response-able” with feelings.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!
We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!
Write a review of this podcast.Submit the review.Take of screenshot of the review.Send the screenshot to [email protected].Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.
5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.
The book bundles include:
A Signed Copy of The Voice of the HeartThe Voice of the Heart Companion StudyThe Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from CodependencyThe Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families*Bonus: A Set of OrnamentsDr. Dodd will be leading 1 more seminar this fall:
How to Love a Woman’s Heart
November 8, 2024
9:00-12:00
For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar
2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:
14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory
Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth
We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.
Now Available at Amazon
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepare us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com and it also can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotionals that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity for fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.
The reason I do this podcast is because we want people to have more life, more fulfillment. The things we talk about here and the materials we refer to are about what knowing your heart can do for you. It won’t stop pain, but helps you know what to do about it. It certainly doesn’t promise perfection or even happiness, but helps people develop the ability to live life on life’s terms with all of its heartbreak and heartache that conflicts with our craving for life without tragedy.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
-
Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!
We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!
Write a review of this podcast.Submit the review.Take of screenshot of the review.Send the screenshot to [email protected].Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.
5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.
The book bundles include:
A Signed Copy of The Voice of the HeartThe Voice of the Heart Companion StudyThe Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from CodependencyThe Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families*Bonus: A Set of OrnamentsDr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:
Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough
October 24, 2024
9:00 to 12:00
How to Love a Woman’s Heart
November 8, 2024
9:00-12:00
For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar
2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:
14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory
Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth
We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.
Now Available at Amazon
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepare us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com and it also can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotionals that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity for fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.
In today’s episode we are continuing to discuss how to find recovery from codependency.
Last episode we focused on the equation:
H.O.W. + G.O.D. > E.G.O
Honesty, Openness, and Willingness + Good, Orderly Direction allow us to reduce the ego or the Easing God Out experience of our lives. It also allows us to rediscover our true self and how to live out of it. The ego is the mask we wear to cover up our vulnerability and neediness, and our boundaries.
This episode particularly focuses on the path of recovery, returning to how you are created and to the God who created you.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!
We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!
Write a review of this podcast.Submit the review.Take of screenshot of the review.Send the screenshot to [email protected].Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.
5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.
The book bundles include:
A Signed Copy of The Voice of the HeartThe Voice of the Heart Companion StudyThe Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from CodependencyThe Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families*Bonus: A Set of OrnamentsDr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:
Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough
October 24, 2024
9:00 to 12:00
How to Love a Woman’s Heart
November 8, 2024
9:00-12:00
For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar
2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:
14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal InventoryReturn to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from BirthWe offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.
Episode Highlights:
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
Real freedom awaits us in codependency recovery—if we take the risk of hoping and then trusting that a better way of living is on the other side of the risk. We have to admit that we are actually powerless over the symptoms we have talked about. We must admit that we need an emotional and spiritual “makeover.”
We must face that codependency is not a habit, one that we can just change by conscious action only, or mindfulness. It actually fits into the criteria of an illness, a disease.
Medical Definition of Disease: A morbid process (meaning destructive to health), with a characteristic chain of symptoms, of known or unknown origin, that are chronic, progressive, and can be fatal.
The disease of codependency is driven by stress. Many physicians have reported to me that the causes of most of the illnesses that are presented to them are stress-based sicknesses of not knowing how to live. In other words, the patient does not know what to do with or how to process feelings.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!
We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!
Write a review of this podcast.Submit the review.Take of screenshot of the review.Send the screenshot to [email protected].Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.
5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.
The book bundles include:
A Signed Copy of The Voice of the HeartThe Voice of the Heart Companion StudyThe Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from CodependencyThe Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families*Bonus: A Set of OrnamentsDr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:
Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough
October 24, 2024
9:00 to 12:00
How to Love a Woman’s Heart
November 8, 2024
9:00-12:00
For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar
2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:
14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory
Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth
We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.
Episode Highlights:
Today we’re talking about the last two symptoms of the 14 symptoms of Codependency.
We will close our series on codependency with several episodes about the solutions and treatments for codependency.
Once we see we have a problem with codependency, we need to:
admit the need for help.see that there isn’t a “pill” to solve the problem, but rather a path and a process.There isn’t a quick, easy “fix” for overcoming codependency. The reality of having to take a path, rather than have a “pill fix,” is sad. The reality is that it takes a lifetime to learn how to live.
Codependency recovery is a great path to move us from surviving to thriving. The question is, “How are we going to live?”
Symptom #13 Restricted Emotional Development
Restricted emotional development is grounded in the fear of being labeled as inferior because of what we do not know or have not learned.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Episode Highlights:
“Confusion about Toxic Shame and Guilt”
Codependency is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with. Even though we have been “taught” to rid ourselves of how God made us, it does not give us permission or the right to stay there. It is a sickness that we have, and we have the responsibility to find the healing.
Codependency is the loss of how God made us, with self-awareness, self-trust, self-care, being sensitive to our own true feelings, loss of learning how to respond to our feelings in a healthy way; it is the loss of self-worth—given over to the needs of significant others who are uncomfortable with themselves, or self-rejecting.
Codependency recovery is not selfishness; it is “Self-fullness.” Self-fullness is having enough of who God created us to be that we have the ability to give our gifts to a world in need.
The need to belong and matter is so powerful that we are going to find a way to get those needs met—through suppression or expression.
Expression has to be grown and matured, so codependency recovery does take time and investment.
Each of the symptoms that we have discussed in this podcast is from the work of Timmen Cermak, in his book Diagnosing and Treating Codependency. The descriptions and following work are from my own experiences.
Codependency is pervasive, a pandemic, and all the relief-seeking addictions we can name have their origin and influence in codependency.
Symptom #12 Confusion About Toxic Shame and Guilt
Toxic shame is grounded in never being able to do anything “right enough,” or be right enough to be loved, or have the “right” to receive mercy.
In toxic shame the confusion between shame and guilt is birthed in the mistaken belief that I should be able to not mess up; not make mistakes; should not have to need mercy; should be able to be perfect. It is the belief that only perfect people can be loved. If I am not perfect, I am “worth-less” and cannot be loved.
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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Click here to read the episode highlights.
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Emotional recovery is about going back to “ground zero,” your childhood.
A disease is a morbid process that is destructive to the being: body, mind, soul, and heart. It reduces our capacity to be productive and prosperous. Disease has a characteristic chain of symptoms with known or unknown origins. A disease is chronic, with acute episodes, progressive and often fatal.
We are as sick as the feelings we will not let ourselves have.
Symptom # 9 Hypervigilance
Hypervigilance is the fear of giving up anxiety that keeps me “on my toes” as a safety mechanism; bad things will happen if I’m not on my toes.
Hypervigilance is being controlled by anxiety. Anxiety is always seeking relief from the hypervigilance. Anxiety becomes the expectation of an external threat doing something to put me in a position of helplessness.
Anxiety is in us to tell us to be ready to take a defensive action, a reaction:
fight…get ready
flee…get ready
freeze…get ready
appease…get ready
Anxiety in its negative form is saying “watch outside right now because something is coming that is going to harm you.” Anxiety is an external locus of anticipation and control.
The anxiety in hypervigilance is about avoiding the confession of being afraid and in need. The anxiety goes in search of the external threat; it looks for danger. This anxiety will not be quelled until it finds the thing that it needs to control in order to find relief.
We are made to live fully in relationship and connection. When we become disconnected from how we are made, because we are made for connection and to live fully in relationship, that has always been there. If I can’t find a way to be connected the way I am created to connect, I will have to find another way to be connected, one way or another.
Toxic shame tells you that if you’re not doing what others expect you to do (and your discomfort will confirm this), then you will be humiliated and rejected. Toxic Shame says:
You better get your role together.You better watch the rules.You better read from your script.Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
In codependency, people hide their competence and giftings in order to belong and matter.
People are generally unable to celebrate well with others.
6. Name the symptom
Enmeshed relationships with controlling people
Identify the fear that it’s grounded in
Fear of being alone
Identify the toxic shame that it is birthed in
Unless I please, I will be rejected.
Discuss its impaired expression in our lives (External locus of control)
I wait to see what they want before I can act, and even then, I am uncertain about my feelings and thoughts.
Discuss what it was meant to be (Internal locus of control)
Being in relationship with people who see you as having the same worth, and desire to hear your feelings and thoughts.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14
7. Name the symptom
Constricted emotions
Identify the fear that it’s grounded in
Fear of being known or the fear of being seen as weak/inadequate
Identify the toxic shame that it is birthed in
If I let myself be known, bad consequences will happen. The past will repeat itself. I will be seen as weak/ inadequate again.
Discuss its impaired expression in our lives (External locus of control)
The need to hide or deny feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope.
Discuss what it was meant to be (Internal locus of control)
Freedom to express yourself wisely with others who can do the same
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at [email protected].
Structure of Symptoms of Codependency
Name the symptomIdentify the fear that it’s grounded inIdentify the toxic shame that it is birthed inDiscuss its impaired expression in our livesDiscuss what it was meant to beCodependency recovery and codependency illness is not an either/or; it’s both/and.
Just like addiction, codependency is an attempt to have a full life, without having to be truly human and having to deal with needs, embarrassment and vulnerability. It is both/and as an impaired way of living and an attempt to find full life.
Recovery is developing a tolerance for vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the key to identifying myself as human, having feelings and being in need; and identifying others who are capable of feeling and being in need.
Codependency is the loss of self, and all that comes with self, given over to significant others because they are uncomfortable with someone being human in their presence. So, with our need to belong and matter, we will sacrifice how God made us to belong and matter to those who are actually running from themselves.
Sadly, children don’t know that these caregivers are running from themselves because children look at their caregivers knowing that they are big and the child is little. They think, “You must be right because you’re big; therefore, I must be wrong.”
The caregiver’s toxic shame and defenses, and their protection from their own internal world become a rejection to belonging and mattering for the child.
The origin of how we’re created is found in this equation:
intuition + suspicion + questions = the growing ability to discern
where I amwho I’m withwhat I need to doThis means I am listening to my internal world.
Intuition + suspicion + questions = discernment.
Intuition + suspicion + defensiveness = judgmentalism. Judging my environment around me all the time based upon making sure that I do not end up looking little, stupid, or weak. This is the fear and toxic shame of vulnerability.
So, your whole life revolves around trying to fit in based upon your performance again, rather than being how you are made. This requires that you ask a lot of questions.
Asking questions is a solution that helps separate us from judgment and return us to discernment.
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail [email protected].
Episode Highlights:
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
A story/workbook for helping codependents find freedom from codependency.
You are gifted, and there is a world in need of your gifts.
Loneliness is the biggest pain that people are facing now. What people need is to be known from the inside-out, rather than distracting ourselves from our loneliness (need for genuine relationship) through social media.
Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence by Timmen Cermak
5 Things God designed us to find fulfillment in:
We are created to use the development of our inborn self-awareness through feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope to find and live in authentic relationship.↓
With that in-born self-awareness, we are able to be “response-able” to our inner make-up. (We’re created to develop the ability to respond to our outside life by using our inborn makeup: feelings, needs, desire, longings, and our hope. We need our “makeup” affirmed and confirmed so we can keep being able to use it, so we can grow “response-ably” which ultimately becomes responsibility.)↓
We are created to find genuine relational connection through being “response-able” and through using our inner self-awareness.↓
We are created to initiate our lives from our hearts, with others who have the same capacity. (We are looking to connect with others who are also living a life of relational fulfillment. They are aware that we are all 99.9% the same.) "It's a Small World"↓
We are created to be in relationship with others, God, God’s creation, and the others in it.When we live our lives fully out of the 5 fulfilments, we are able to be healthy grownups who do what Jesus said in Matthew 7:7.
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7
Matthew 7:7 is for grownups; grownups are just children who have gotten older and who have remained fully present in their lives. Grownups are able to live out of their fully present lives.
Jesus encourages grownups to:
Ask so they can receive.Seek so they can find.Knock so the door will be opened to them.Click here to continue reading episode highlights.
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail [email protected].
Episode highlights:
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
God is a great garbage man; He wastes nothing in our lives.
God values His own creation;He picks up what we throw away, andHe recognizes that some things need to be redeemed, repurposed, revitalized and resurrected.Bring your child-heart to God and give Him your pain, suffering, and your struggle, and even your questions. God can deliver you. He delivers people through circumstances, prayer, His word, other people, and illumination of your heart.
“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength,” Ephesians 1:18-19
Paul was a man who knew that to love, is to suffer. Therefore, he needed a place to take his suffering. Paul refers to God in this passage:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
So, we can either choose to believe that while God is good, we still suffer; yet we have a place to take our suffering. We can take it to God, who cares for us.
OR
We will stifle suffering unnecessarily, and just live miserably.
The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.”
Proverbs 23:7
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail [email protected].
Episode Highlights:
Codependency is the loss or the sacrifice of:
God-created true self. self-trust. self-awareness. self-worth. self… in terms of assertiveness.Codependency is not being able to:
say what you feel. say what you need. say what you desire. trust that your own feelings have validity or accuracy.We are made for love; we are made to be connected.
In order to be accepted and loved by our significant caregivers, we often end up hiding our own needs. Examples: If I don’t like sports, my dad will not love me. If I don’t make good grades my mother will be so disappointed. If I have opinions that are different from my teachers, they will reject me. If I’m not artistic like my older brother, I won’t be as loved.
We end up acting a certain way or pretend to be someone we are not in order to be loved. We eventually begin to “believe” in the pretending rather than being our true selves. We slip into denial.
We perform for love instead of being ourselves.
God designed for us to:
be who we are made to be; so, we can do what we are made to do; then, we will have what we are made to have.In a codependency environment we end up:
doing what we’ve got to do; so, that we can have what we’re made to have; and hopefully, if we do enough, we will become somebody.Codependency becomes the belief that I can perform enough and do enough so that I can finally rest, trust, be believed, have my worth, and be valued.
Codependency is a disorder of distrust. You trust the anxiety. You don’t trust listening to your own fear and exposing it.
Sadly, if a codependent person stays stuck in their past and sOll believes feelings are the enemy, they will, no matter how much they are loved, never trust the love.
Codependency is bringing your “bucket of desire” into life, and your caregivers poking holes in the bottom of it so that in your future, no matter how much love gets poured into it, it goes right through it.
There’s not enough love; there’s not enough approval, there’s not enough trustworthiness because it all slips right through the holes in the bucket.
Codependency recovery is about repairing, or healing, the holes in your bucket (revision).
Codependents are always trying to find their fulfillment externally by withholding what’s happening in them internally.
The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd
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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail [email protected].
Episode Highlights:
Click here if you would like more information about Champion's Path
Chip Dodd- The Boy & the Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency
Melody Beatty – Codependent No More
The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for CodependentsSarah Young - Jesus Calling
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- Visa fler
