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In this episode, Richard Westoby interviews Molly O'Brien, a legal expert in surrogacy. They discuss the legal aspects of surrogacy contracts, including the importance of having a contract to establish parental rights, the timing of obtaining a court order, and the potential challenges that may arise. They also touch on the importance of trust and communication between intended parents and surrogates, as well as the financial and emotional aspects of the contract. The conversation concludes with a discussion on termination of pregnancy and the role of compensation in surrogacy.
Keywords
surrogacy, legal aspects, surrogacy contract, parental rights, court order, trust, communication, termination of pregnancy, compensation
Takeaways
Surrogacy contracts are more complex than egg donation contracts because they involve parental rights.
A court order is necessary to establish the intended parents as legal parents and remove the surrogate's legal rights.
Trust and communication are crucial in the relationship between intended parents and surrogates.
Compensation in surrogacy should be fair and not coercive.
Termination of pregnancy should be discussed and agreed upon by both parties in the contract.
Sound Bites
"Surrogacy is a lot more complicated. The legal contract is much longer, more detailed, because we are dealing with parental rights when it comes to surrogacy."
"Everything isn't really completed and secured until after the birth. So in some states there is a little bit of a timeline where the surrogate is technically the legal parent until that paperwork is completed."
"Communication is key. As with everything in life, communication is key."
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
04:17 Financial Aspects of Surrogacy Contracts
09:55 Addressing the Sensitive Topic of Termination
16:22 Psychological Assessment and Compensation
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Summary
Joey Guzman, a licensed therapist specializing in fertility, IVF, and surrogacy counseling, shares his personal journey of building a family through surrogacy and egg donation. He discusses the importance of open communication, setting expectations, and navigating the emotional complexities of the process. Joey emphasizes the need for informed decision-making, including considerations for donor selection, single vs. double embryo transfer, and the relational dynamics with surrogates. He also highlights the role of mental health providers in providing education, support, and empathy to intended parents and surrogates throughout their journey.
Takeaways
Open communication and setting expectations are crucial when involving family members in the surrogacy and egg donation process.
Informed decision-making is essential, including considerations for donor selection, single vs. double embryo transfer, and the relational dynamics with surrogates.
Mental health providers play a vital role in providing education, support, and empathy to intended parents and surrogates throughout their journey.
The surrogacy process can be emotionally challenging, and having a strong support system is important for both intended parents and surrogates.
Empathy and understanding are key in navigating the complexities and emotions involved in building a family through surrogacy and egg donation.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Personal Journey
03:21 Donor Selection and Embryo Creation
07:22 Navigating Surrogate Selection
10:43 The Role of Mental Health Providers
23:07 Supporting Surrogates and Donors
25:26 Understanding Double Embryo Transfer
29:21 Personal Experience and Emotional Challenges
35:28 Importance of Support and Empathy
Sound Bites
"It is important to have a support system. It is important for you to be able to express yourself and to have your people there because you need people to help you with this."
"There's more to think about than just the thought of we wanna be parents and I wanna have a baby and I wanna transfer two embryos."
"You nearly made me cry. That must've been so tough. I'm really sorry that you went through that."
Keywords
fertility, IVF, surrogacy, counseling, donor selection, embryo transfer, mental health, support, empathy
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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Dr. Rothenberg discusses transgender and non-binary fertility, including the rise in patients identifying as trans or non-binary. She explains gender affirming treatment and how it can affect fertility. Dr. Rothenberg emphasizes the importance of creating a safe and inclusive space for patients and normalizing the fertility process for all individuals. She also discusses the hormone process for transgender individuals with ovaries and the options for fertility preservation. Additionally, she addresses the challenges and experimental options for fertility preservation in transgender children who have not yet gone through puberty. Dr. Stephanie Rothenberg discusses fertility options for transgender and non-binary individuals. She explains the process of fertility preservation, including egg and sperm freezing, and the challenges faced by young people who are transitioning. Dr. Rothenberg also addresses the psychological and emotional aspects of fertility for transgender individuals, as well as the importance of having a supportive family and access to insurance coverage. She emphasizes that there is never a wrong time to talk to a fertility doctor and encourages individuals to make their own choices about starting a family.
More people are identifying as trans or non-binary, but not all pursue gender affirming treatment.
Fertility preservation options depend on the individual's gender identity, hormone therapy, and desired family-building methods.
Creating a safe and inclusive space for transgender and non-binary individuals is crucial in fertility care.
Fertility preservation in transgender children who have not yet gone through puberty is still experimental, but may become a viable option in the future. Fertility preservation options, such as egg and sperm freezing, are available for transgender and non-binary individuals.
Young people who are transitioning may face challenges in accessing fertility care, including the need for a supportive family and insurance coverage.
Coming off hormone therapy can have physical and psychological effects, and it is important to consider fertility preservation options before starting hormone therapy.
Transgender individuals can pursue various paths to parenthood, including IVF, surrogacy, and adoption.
It is important to find a fertility clinic that is knowledgeable and affirming of transgender and non-binary individuals.
Reproductive autonomy is crucial, and individuals should feel empowered to make their own choices about starting a family.
Titles
Creating a Safe and Inclusive Fertility Space
Understanding Transgender and Non-Binary Fertility Finding a Knowledgeable and Affirming Fertility Clinic
Embracing Reproductive Autonomy: Making Your Own Choices
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background of Dr. Stephanie Rothenberg
01:15 Understanding Transgender and Non-Binary Fertility
12:21 Navigating Hormone Therapy and Fertility Preservation
25:46 Fertility Options for Transgender and Non-Binary Individuals
30:44 Challenges and Considerations for Young People Transitioning
36:20 The Importance of Supportive Families and Insurance Coverage
39:21 Navigating the Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Fertility
41:05 Exploring Paths to Parenthood for Transgender Individuals
42:41 Finding a Knowledgeable and Affirming Fertility Clinic
45:02 Embracing Reproductive Autonomy: Making Your Own Choices
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In this episode, Aemilia Varfis shares her experience with egg freezing and the decision-making process behind it. She recounts how she offered her eggs to a friend but ultimately decided to freeze them herself. Emilia discusses the personal journey of going through the egg freezing process, including the injections and the support she received. She emphasizes the relief and peace of mind that came with freezing her eggs and the impact it had on her and others. Emilia concludes by sharing her current plans to try to conceive naturally with her partner.
Takeaways
Egg freezing can provide relief and peace of mind by buying time and removing the pressure of a biological clock.
The decision to freeze eggs is personal and should be based on individual circumstances and desires.
Support from friends, family, and healthcare professionals can make the egg freezing process more manageable.
Egg freezing is becoming more common and accepted, allowing women to take control of their reproductive choices.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Offer of Egg Freezing
01:26 Supporting the Journey to Build a Family
05:12 Choosing to Freeze Eggs in Greece
06:38 Keeping the Process Personal
07:34 Embracing the Decision to Freeze Eggs
09:26 Injecting and Feeling Supported
10:49 The Two-Week Process
11:46 Harvesting the Eggs
13:11 Recovery and Relief
15:35 Age and Egg Freezing
19:25 Relief and Impacting Others
20:34 Moving Forward with a Partner
21:31 Conclusion and Invitation to Return
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In this episode, Richard interviews Robyn, the owner of Beverly Hills Egg Donation, They discuss Robyn's background and motivations for working in the egg donation industry. Robyn explains how Beverly Hills Egg Donation differentiates itself from other agencies by offering a refund policy and a guarantee for another cycle if the intended parents do not have a take-home baby. They also discuss the screening process for donors, including travel restrictions and medical tests. Robyn emphasizes the importance of matching donors with intended parents based on their preferences and provides support and guidance throughout the process.
Takeaways
Beverly Hills Egg Donation differentiates itself by offering a refund policy and a guarantee for another cycle if the intended parents do not have a take-home baby.
The screening process for donors includes tests for travel restrictions, sexually transmitted diseases, and ovarian reserve.
Donors are selected based on the preferences of the intended parents, which can include physical characteristics, talents, and academic achievements.
The industry has shifted from anonymous donations to allowing contact between donors and children in the future.
Beverly Hills Egg Donation provides support and guidance for intended parents throughout the process.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
00:55 Motivations for Working in the Egg Donation Industry
03:20 Refund Policy and Guarantee
04:14 Making the Process User-Friendly
05:11 Understanding Donor Selection and Motivations
06:06 Screening Process for Donors
07:04 Travel Restrictions and Zika Zones
08:01 Additional Screening Criteria
09:21 Testing Ovarian Reserve and Educating Donors
10:46 Evaluating Previous IVF Cycles
12:09 Matching Donors with Intended Parents
13:38 Specific Donor Requests and Preferences
15:00 Counseling Donors and Facilitating Meetings
16:21 Age Requirements for Donors
18:10 Shift from Anonymous Donations
19:08 Modifying Contracts for Contact
20:32 Donor Compensation and Factors Affecting Fees
23:23 Donor Pool and Geographic Distribution
24:40 Attrition Rate and BMI Requirements
26:04 Support and Guidance for Intended Parents
27:28 Conclusion and Gratitude
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In this episode, Monica Buehler, the founder of Accel Surrogacy Agency, shares her personal journey as a surrogate and her extensive experience in the industry. She discusses the emotional impact of failed transfers and the challenges faced by both surrogates and intended parents. Monica emphasizes the importance of building strong relationships and providing support throughout the surrogacy process. She also explains the intake process and timeline for surrogates, as well as the criteria for selecting surrogates. Monica highlights the need for trust and open communication, and addresses the social and family challenges that surrogates may encounter. Overall, she emphasizes the importance of education and understanding in overcoming ignorance and promoting acceptance of surrogacy.
Failed transfers can be emotionally challenging for both surrogates and intended parents.
Building strong relationships and providing support is crucial in the surrogacy process.
The intake process for surrogates involves careful screening and assessment of their commitment and compatibility.
Open communication and trust are essential in managing challenges and addressing concerns in surrogacy.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
01:22 The Emotional Impact of Failed Transfers
05:10 Understanding the Intended Parents' Distance
06:34 Navigating Relationships Between Surrogates and Intended Parents
07:58 Support Systems for Surrogates
09:49 Selecting Surrogates and Identifying Red Flags
11:04 Motivations for Surrogates
13:26 The Intake Process and Timeline
15:50 Building Trust and Addressing Concerns
20:20 The Passion and Connection in Surrogacy
22:34 Managing Challenges and Communication
25:22 Dealing with Social and Family Challenges
28:39 Educating Surrogates and Overcoming Ignorance
29:09 Conclusion and Gratitude
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The conversation discusses the recent court ruling in Alabama that considers embryos as children under the wrongful death statute. The ruling has raised concerns about the potential impact on IVF clinics and intended parents. It is explained that family law in the US is state by state, and the ruling in Alabama is limited to that state. The connection between the ruling and the anti-abortion movement is explored, highlighting the concern that IVF could become the next battlefront. However, there are efforts to protect IVF through legislation in Alabama and other states.
Takeaways
Family law in the US is state by state, and the recent court ruling in Alabama is limited to that state.
The ruling in Alabama raises concerns about the potential impact on IVF clinics and intended parents.
There is a connection between the ruling and the anti-abortion movement, as it aligns with the movement's goal of defining life at the earliest possible moment.
Efforts are being made to protect IVF through legislation in Alabama and other states.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
00:27 Impact of Alabama Court Ruling
01:27 Connection to Roe v. Wade
03:22 Alabama Ruling Details
04:22 Liability for IVF Clinics
05:20 Impact on Embryos in Other States
06:18 Clinic Services in Alabama
07:16 Liability for Miscarriages
07:43 Liability for IVF Clinics
08:08 Transportation of Embryos
08:51 Protecting IVF
09:18 Legislative Protection for IVF
10:15 Process of Passing Laws
11:42 Abortion Laws in the US
12:11 Legislative vs. Court Rulings
13:07 California's Approach to Surrogacy
14:04 Creating Legislation to Clarify
15:26 Concerns of Anti-Abortion Movement
17:47 State-by-State Abortion Laws
18:45 Abortion and Surrogacy
20:44 Impact on Surrogacy in Texas
21:12 Temporary Pause in Texas
21:37 Alabama Legislation and Future
22:34 Opportunity for More Comprehensive Legislation
23:04 Conclusion
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In this episode, Dr. Brooke Friedman discusses various aspects of IVF and surrogacy. She emphasizes the importance of choosing a clinic that makes you feel comfortable and offers free consultations to educate and answer questions. Dr. Friedman highlights the need for knowledge and support throughout the IVF process and the importance of finding a clinic with experience and success rates. She also addresses the stigma and taboo surrounding infertility and encourages self-kindness and changing the narrative. The episode concludes with a call to action to reach out for a free consultation and guidance in the personal journey of IVF and surrogacy.
Takeaways
Choose a clinic that makes you feel comfortable and offers free consultations to educate and answer questions.
Knowledge and support are crucial throughout the IVF process.
Find a clinic with experience, success rates, and the ability to support patients on their journey.
Break the stigma and taboo surrounding infertility and be kind to yourself.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Dr. Brooke Friedman
01:29 Choosing a Clinic and Feeling Comfortable with IVF
03:25 Demystifying IVF Terminology
04:50 IVF with Third Party Reproduction
05:45 You're Not Alone in the Infertility Journey
06:43 Advantages of Surrogacy in the United States
07:42 Safeguards and Rules in Surrogacy
08:40 Experience and Expertise in Surrogacy
09:38 Supporting Patients Through Grief and Loss
10:31 Transparency and Openness in the IVF Process
11:26 Breaking the Taboo of Infertility
12:51 You Are Not Alone, It's Not Your Fault
13:48 Being Kind to Yourself
14:16 Conclusion and Call to Action
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In this episode, we interview Zach French, Vice President of SEEDTrust, an independent escrow company in the surrogacy industry. Zach shares his personal surrogacy journey and the challenges he faced, which led him to co-found the Gift of Surrogacy Foundation.
He also discusses the need for more support and transparency in the surrogacy industry. Zach explains the role of SEED Trust as an independent escrow company, ensuring the safety and security of funds throughout the surrogacy process. He highlights the importance of bonds and insurance in protecting clients' funds. Zach emphasizes the personalized support and communication provided by SEED Trust to intended parents and surrogates.
Takeaways
Surrogacy can be a viable option for individuals and couples who are unable to have children naturally.
The surrogacy journey involves various challenges, including financial costs, legal contracts, and emotional negotiations.
The Gift of Surrogacy Foundation aims to provide support, education, and financial assistance to families going through the surrogacy process.
SEED Trust is an independent escrow company that ensures the safe and transparent handling of funds in the surrogacy journey.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
00:59 Discovering Surrogacy as an Option
01:55 The Surrogacy Journey and Challenges
03:18 The Gift of Surrogacy Foundation
05:09 The Need for Support in the Surrogacy Industry
07:29 Meeting Richard and the SEEDS Conference
08:55 Introduction to SEED Trust
09:54 The Role of an Independent Escrow Company
10:48 Ensuring Safety and Security of Funds
12:42 The Importance of Bonds and Insurance
15:01 Costs and Fees of Escrow Services
16:27 Transparency and Access to Account Information
18:16 Handling Mistakes and Liability
21:04 Legal Representation and Contract Clarity
22:26 Bond Coverage and Insurance Claims
23:52 The Importance of Escrow in the Surrogacy Process
24:22 Personalized Support and Communication
26:18 Conclusion and Appreciation
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In this episode, we interviews Molly O'Brien, a renowned egg donor and surrogacy lawyer. Molly explains the importance of having a lawyer in the IVF process and how they provide independent guidance to intended parents. The conversation then delves into the importance of contracts through the egg donation process, including choosing a donor, setting up a trust account, and the medical and psychological screening of the donor. The legal aspects of egg donation contracts are discussed, highlighting the rights and ownership of eggs. The different types of contracts, such as anonymous, semi-open, and open, are explored, along with the shift towards non-anonymous donations. The episode concludes with a discussion on contracts with family members or friends as donors.
Takeaways
Having a lawyer in the IVF process provides independent guidance to intended parents.
The egg donation process involves choosing a donor, setting up a trust account, and undergoing medical and psychological screening.
Egg donation contracts establish the legal rights and ownership of eggs.
There are different types of contracts, including anonymous, semi-open, and open, with a trend towards non-anonymous donations.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Importance of a Lawyer in the IVF Process
02:24 Egg Donation Process: Choosing a Donor and Setting Up a Trust Account
03:19 Medical and Psychological Screening of the Egg Donor
04:08 Signing the Egg Donation Contract
05:05 Legal Rights and Ownership of Eggs
06:04 Egg Donor Liability Insurance
07:33 Different Types of Egg Donor Contracts: Anonymous, Semi-Open, and Open
09:28 The Shift Towards Non-Anonymous Donations
11:22 Contracts with Family Members or Friends as Donors
12:49 Conclusion and Call to Action
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Julio and Richard interview Shadina Blunt, a surrogacy expert and founder of Surrogacy Miracles and the Miracle Family Foundation. They discuss Shadina's journey into surrogacy and her passion for helping others build their families. They also touch on the importance of increasing visibility of surrogacy in minority communities and the need for financial assistance for those who cannot afford the high costs of surrogacy. Shadina shares her thoughts on confidentiality and boundaries in surrogacy, as well as addressing concerns about exploitation of women in the surrogacy process. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of education, support, and advocacy in the world of surrogacy.
Takeaways
To Donate to the Miracle Family Foundation click here
Author of the book
Miracle Motherhood: A Tale of Mary's Gift
Increasing visibility of surrogacy in minority communities is crucial to breaking down cultural taboos and providing support for those struggling with infertility.
Surrogacy agencies play a vital role in advocating for the health and well-being of surrogates, ensuring they receive the necessary support and care throughout the process.
Financial assistance through grants and foundations can help make surrogacy more accessible to those who cannot afford the high costs involved.
Confidentiality and boundaries are important considerations in surrogacy, but open communication and collaboration between surrogates and intended parents can help navigate these challenges.
Addressing concerns about exploitation in surrogacy requires education and understanding of the ethical and compassionate nature of the process.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction and Background
02:53 Becoming Involved in Surrogacy
06:10 Shadina's Impressive Resume
07:22 Being a Surrogate for Someone in the Limelight
09:15 Increasing Visibility of Surrogacy in Minority Communities
10:12 The Importance of Discussing Infertility and IVF
11:37 Supporting Surrogates and Ensuring Their Health
12:34 Confidentiality and Boundaries in Surrogacy
16:14 The Role of Surrogacy Agencies in Advocating for Surrogates
17:10 The Surrogacy Miracles Foundation and Providing Financial Assistance
19:12 The Need for Grants and Support for Minority and Same-Sex Couples
20:31 How to Donate to the Surrogacy Miracles Foundation
21:49 Supporting Individuals Going Through IVF and Surrogacy
22:25 Becoming a Surrogate and the Role of an Agency
24:59 Confidentiality and the Emotional Bond Between Surrogates and Intended Parents
29:14 Addressing the Pope's Concerns about Surrogacy
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Sheryl Homa is an HCPC registered Clinical Scientist with a special interest in male fertility. She obtained her degrees in Biochemistry at Imperial College of Science and Technology and the Middlesex Hospital Medical School.
She spent a large part of her career as an academic research scientist in the field of oocyte maturation, funded by the National Institutes of Health in the USA. For many years she served as Scientific Director of several fertility clinics in the UK working in both the public and private sectors. During this time, she became aware that male fertility is considerably marginalised and, as a result, opened Andrology Solutions in 2007 – the first and only HFEA-licensed clinic of its kind, dedicated to male infertility.
She has collaborated on many research projects and is the author of numerous scientific articles, abstracts and book chapters in the fertility field. Her studies include investigating calcium signalling in sperm and, more recently, the role of oxidative stress and infection on sperm quality. Sheryl has been responsible for introducing and CE-marking novel, state-of-the-art testing for male infertility, including a chemiluminescence assay for measuring seminal reactive oxygen species. Currently Sheryl is honorary Professor in Biosciences at University of Kent, and consultant clinical lead for Andrology at The Doctors Laboratory.
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In today's episode you will discover Anna and her husband Ed's experience through gestational surrogacy, what the process involved and what is her advice for those who are going through the surrogacy process.
Anna and Ed, went through the surrogacy journey twice, the first time for their daughter Isla, born in India, and the second time for their twins Olive and Art, born in USA.
"What kept me going was my relationship with Ed. Infertility of any kind changes you as a couple. That level of pain and anxiety can never be forgotten but the resilience, the patience, and the strength you find together ends up defining your relationship. Most people who have been pregnant, say to me that they don't feel that they become a parent when they're pregnant. They feel that they become a parent when they have a child, and that is what we're talking about, having a child".
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In today's episode you will discover the heartwarming story of the power of chosen family, and how our dear friend Matthew Brown @ukrules, shares his story on becoming a solo gay parent, and the wonderful story on how his friend Julien, decided to ask Matt to have the same egg donor, creating a wonderful extended family that no one could have ever imagine.
Matthew is a wonderful man whom has a passion for travel, and have a successful real-estate business, which allows him to be a stay at home dad, providing him time to be involve in philanthropy and a huge advocate of active kindness.
I hope you enjoy today's episode.
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Today, we are super lucky to have a wonderful friend of mine, Dr. Sandy S. Chuan, to talk through all things egg donation, and egg freezing.
Sandy has been named an Exceptional Woman in Medicine 4 years in a row.
She's Board Certified as an OBGYN and a Board Certified Reproductive Endocrinologist and Infertility Specialist.
She has been named Castle Connelly's top doctor for 6 years in a row.
She's a partner of the San Diego Fertility Center and specialises in egg donation, surrogacy and complex IVF cases.
Dr. Sandy emigrated to the U. S. when she was 8 from Taiwan, is fluent in Mandarin.
I'm going to pick her brain on multiple things, so I hope you are prepared.
One of the most important parts of the IVF process is obviously eggs, and when I chose my egg donor, it was very much ah, you are really pretty, and didn't delve into more of the details around what it actually entailed to be an egg donor, female biology. I'm a gay man, and I don't, what I'd love to get from you today is a sense of how does egg donation happen?
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12 years ago, the ability to find quality information on egg donation was limited. And I had no idea what I was doing. I spent many hours going through endless profiles of egg donors from different agencies online. Each presented their donors in a different way. Making it very dehumanising and complicated to understand. Choosing my donor, were around costs, and type of relationship with the egg donor.
Key Points Discussed:
Anonymous Egg donor.
Semi-known Egg donor.
Known Egg Donor.
Costs.
Pros and Cons on working with an Egg Donor Agency.
Risk of working with a First time Donor.
Experienced Egg Donors.
Medical Screening.
AFC, AMH, and STIs.
The least expensive way to find a donor. Is to work with a family member or a friend.
Pros and cons of using a friend or family member
In my opinion, the best option to keep costs down is to work with an IVF clinics, donor database. They have no agency fee. , donors have been pre-screened and generally the egg donors live close to the clinic. All of which can save you possibly up to about 30% of the cost of making your embryos.
Pros and cons of choosing. Through your IVF clinic.
Pros. No agency fees. Donors are pre-screened and costs are minimized. There is a limited amount of donors as the clinic will only recruit close to the clinic.
Unlike with surrogates, finding a donor through your clinic, doesn't have a conflict of interest as there are very specific medical data required to be an egg donor. And so that, you know, from the start, whether the donor is a good candidate or not, This medical data goes into her profile alongside educational and genetic history. And a lot more information so that you can make an informed choice. I looked at the photos and her profile and my donor is very Percy.
However, I also noticed how handsome her brother and father were. So I knew that she was the great choice for me.
At this point, I have my sperm and egg donor. And that was the part when everything lay within the hands of the clinic. All I could do was wait. It was emotional and unsettling. As the decision-making was no longer mine. When I chose her. I didn't really think about the impact of her being a first time donor. Making me question. If she. Had understood. What she was getting herself into. Especially with the injections or the effect that the medications would have on her. And if the expert grows successfully.
After 11 days of injections, they retrieved 12 eggs that were then fertilized. These were grown in the lab.
And on day five, I found out how many embryos were going to be frozen.
This was another few days of an emotional roller coaster, because one thing I had not understood. Was that every day they're in the lab. The number of embryos drops. I was terrified that all this time emotion. And effort would end up with me having no embryos. From the initial 12, it dropped and dropped. They thankfully on day five, there was a total of six embryos for freezing.
Why were the embryos frozen? There is no difference in success between fresh or frozen embryos. So the clinic focuses on the egg donor to maximize the number of eggs to retrieve without having to worry about the logistics around the surrogate.
By freezing embryos.
You get the option to do an embryo biopsy or PGT a pre-implantation genetic testing for. Aneuploidy. Which is where a few cells are biopsied from the outer cells of the embryo. And open up to see the number of chromosomes inside. If there are 46. Then the embryo is deemed chromosomally normal.
Why do PGT a. Two main reasons. Number one. Most miscarriages happen in the first trimester due to a chromosome abnormality. So, although PGT does not guarantee a pregnancy. It does minimize the risk of a miscarriage. Number two. By looking at chromosomes, you can tell if they are X, X, Or X, Y so you can tell this X.
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1) I want to do a few things in my life. And one of them is empower people to make the right decision, especially around their IVF choices, because I felt that I didn't have that, and I think knowledge is power, and information just helps you get to where you need to be.
2) I find this incredibly fulfilling, helping people with a dream, I mean, not many people can say that their job is fulfilling dreams, I love what I do, and it's a phenomenal thing.
3) I want other people to experience what I've had, nothing makes a better family or a better kid than someone that really is sure that they want them, and is really ready to go the extra mile for those kids.
There's a lot of things, that are not fair and the level of injustice, especially living in Spain coming from Latin America.
Not everybody has the privilege to go to the United States to do the surrogacy process since is very expensive, and there are a lot of laws trying to block that.
I also want to make, egg freezing the new Botox.
Something that every girl gets at a certain age because it's normal. Like it's part of your life to have it done.
I want grandparents to say, I give you as a graduation present, freezing your eggs so you can have your career and you can have your life.
I want people to be able to start the process, not having to travel countries to go to the first seminar.
I feel like everybody deserves a family of their own, and the more that we can find one person saying, Oh, that story sounds like mine. I'm not alone, that's my goal, if I can just help one person do a link to their joyful process of creating a family, I consider it as a Win.
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The final episode, is Costs involved in my family building. I worked for 15 years in London before being able to start my surrogacy process. My ex-husband was paying for the renovation of our home, so I took it upon myself to pay for the IVF and surrogacy, and we both agreed on that. I always wanted to end up with more than 1 child and we decided to have twins as I could not afford to go through the surrogacy process twice. We still managed to enjoy life. However, there were moments when it was hard, witnessing people close to me, getting pregnant naturally. Of course, I was thrilled to see the pregnancies happening, and yet I was gutted. I was very aware of how long it had taken to get to that point. And I wasn't going to spend, just to spend. I had to find a way to justify what was non-negotiable, what was a waste, and what was an investment?
As 2 gay men, having a family through surrogacy. I wanted a guarantee. When the children were born, I will be recognised as their parents and I will be able to return home without any complications. Although with this protection and guarantee, came at a price. When I chose my IVF clinic, they offered for me to make 1 payment that covered all the medical fees for the process.
The IVF clinic fees included:
The sperm testing.
Egg donor screening.
Her injectable hormones.
The egg retrieval, and embryo creation.
It also included the surrogate screening.
Medications needed to prepare her uterus.
And the embryo transfers until she got pregnant.
Now, I'm going to tell you what the IVF clinic fees did not include: Did not include the compensation for either the egg donor or Surrogate.
Testing on the embryos for sex selection, which would have been an extra $4,000 to do.
I try to find a way to save on this part of the process. But with how complex this all felt to me. I thought that the best option would be to go for the fixed price to remove any anxiety.
Knowing that it was all taken care of and I could just focus on the process. The final cost was about 25% higher than their pay as you go program and it costs me $53,000.
Unlike with the clinic, the surrogacy agency did not allow for a fixed price program. This part was where I should have paid more attention.
The surrogacy agency told me to expect to pay about $125,000.
In my head, I thought that amount included the surrogacy agency and the IVF clinic fees. But the reality was this $125,000. I was just for the agency fees, the surrogate compensation, and health insurance, and it also included all the legal fees.
To recap these confusing numbers. The IVF Clinic fees: $53,000.
The Surrogacy Agency and Non IVF Clinic fees: $145,000.
Total amount, under $200,000.
I paid any bills with my credit card as it gave me air miles. That I then collected to be able to fly to the us for the 20 week scan.
My ex had an ex that owned a house in Sedona, Arizona. Yup. Let me repeat that. My ex had an ex who had a house that we stayed in. Yeah. Sedona is close to where the babies were born and we stayed in his house for a month. This was an expense that I had not budgeted for. As I was told, we were staying there for free. But we actually ended up paying $12,000 in cash for it. But it needed to be done as we needed a place to live whilst we were in the U.S. And so we flew back to the UK.
A tip for me. Just use Airbnb.
So there you have it.
Thank you for listening to my story from start to finish of having twins born via IVF and surrogacy in the United States. Every surrogacy story will be different yet the process remains roughly the same. Our aim through @IVFDADDIES is that after listening to series one, You can ask specific questions to better understand how to make this process work for you. This is your family and it must be the best process for you. We really hope that we've inspired you to take the leap into having a family through IVF and surrogacy. Remember, you can always reach out to us, and Thank you.
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On the 17th of January, 2012, two of the six embryos that had been made were transferred into her.
It was what I had dreamed of for as long as I could remember, and yet I also knew that it might not work. The next day, my surrogate flew home to Arizona.
On the 20th of January, a nurse called. I remember exactly what she said. Don't get too excited, the blood hormone level is 199. Which is a very early indicator that you might be pregnant. We will do another test in 7 days to confirm the new levels.
I burst into tears, I was stunned and thrilled. It seemed to have worked, And yet a little voice in my head asked. Why did she say not to get too excited?
The level she was talking about was to do with HCG. Or human chorionic gonadotropin, which is a hormone released by the body when the embryo implants. And if the number increases, it shows that the embryo is growing and the transfer has worked.
A week later, I received another call and the HCG had risen and it continued to rise, and before I knew it, the six week scan was upon us. This was the real test as this is an ultrasound where the nurses look for a heartbeat.
By this stage, I was back home in London, and then at 10:00 AM, Arizona time, my phone rang. My heart nearly stopped. The ultrasound showed two very quick and strong heartbeats, which meant Twins. Everything I had hoped for and dreamed of was happening. The 20 week scan was one that I was not going to miss.
This is the anatomy scan to check to see if the babies were growing correctly, and where I could find out the sex of the twins. When we entered this scan room, the technician asked if we wanted to know the sex of the twins, which was answered very quickly, yes, please. And very excited, she said, You're having a boy and a girl. More tears. How incredibly exciting the dream was coming true.
For my twins, I randomly had a friend who is an obstetrician in Phoenix, and we agreed to work with her.
Why did I want to work with my friend? I had an inherent feeling of not being accepted as I was gay, and therefore I was concerned that we would be treated differently because -gay dads, in Arizona, having a surrogate birth. I voiced this to my friend, she said there would be no issues at all and she gave me comfort that it was all going to be okay. The surrogacy agency is also involved in making sure that the team around the babies who deliver, register and deal with all of the hospital finances know that this is a surrogacy arrangement, which ensures no additional worries.
The agency arranged a private room for us. That was next to where the surrogate would be, so that we could be just us as a new family in our room, and to be there for our surrogate, for whatever she needed in her room. What a weight lifted from my shoulders. Living in the UK and not seeing the weekly changes as the babies were growing was hard. Sometimes it felt like it wasn't happening, and it was only on paper that someone somewhere was pregnant with my children.
Finally at 37 weeks on the 12th of September, 2012, we were all in the hospital in Phoenix. And after a scheduled C-section. At 5:28 PM and 5:30 PM. My miracle twins, Alexander, and Liliana made it into this world. The most magical moments of my life. I pinch myself every single day that this was possible. My children know, it took a lot of people and a lot of love to bring them into this world.
Five questions to ask.
1. Is your contact with the surrogate too little, too much or Okay. Find out if she thinks the same.
2. If you have an experienced surrogate, find out what she liked. And didn't like from her previous surrogacy pregnancy and follow her lead on this.
3. Does the hospital where your baby is going to be born, have a history of dealing with surrogacy cases.
4. Is your agency in touch with the hospital to make sure that everyone is aware of the surrogacy arrangement.
5. Does the hospital have a private room for you? For before and after the birth.
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On a personal note, this is a difficult episode for me as I wish that I could have done this, where I live here in the United Kingdom. However with the legal situation and the challenges around surrogacy within the UK. At the time, I was lucky enough to be able to go to the United States, to create my family.
In USA, I had a dedicated coordinator at the Surrogacy Agency, that told me it would normally take about eight months to receive a surrogate to profile.
To my surprise, 6 weeks later, a surrogate profile popped into my inbox, filling me with a lot of emotions, of course most of them were happy feelings, and I would be lying if I didn't mention, that I was also anxious.
As advertising to find a surrogate in the UK is illegal, I was worried about how they had found someone so quickly. I had been expecting a longer wait, so receiving this profile a lot sooner than the estimated 8 months, a lot of things were going through my mind. Mainly: had they sent through the first profile they could?
Had they curated the match?
The profile contained high-level information about her and her family as well as insight into why she wanted to become a surrogate. The one thing that caught my attention and made me really like her profile was, that she had a friend who had been a surrogate to help a couple have a family, and thought, that it was an amazing thing to do.
As after reading her profile, I was filled with excitement. And it was such a wonderful feeling as I could already imagine holding my babies.
Working with an agency included a video call for us to get to know each other. Something that would have made me happier, was, if the agency had been on the call to moderate our conversation, as that way, I would have been less nervous asking questions.
I don't know if this was the agency's protocol. As we both needed to approve each other. Were they letting us have an uninfluenced conversation on a genuine level? I was nervous as to this point.
It was all still a paperwork exercise, and then the minute her face came on the call I felt relieved. She was so smiley and had a lovely persona that shone through the screen, which just made me understand what an amazing human being she was to even consider carrying someone else's babies.
An hour after our call, I got an email from the agency saying that she loved our conversation and that she was thrilled to be our surrogate.
Like egg donors. Surrogates need to be medically screened. And this is where the agency stepped in again, to work with the IVF clinic. Even though the agency is in Boston, the clinic in Connecticut and the surrogate in Phoenix, they've arranged all the logistics for her to fly to the clinic for a one day in-person visit. This visit involved a full physical examination drug, alcohol, and blood tests, checking her uterus to make sure that everything was optimal for a pregnancy. Although the screening sounds very invasive, it can empower people about their own health.
With the clinic visit over and all the medical screening done, she flew home, and two days later, the agency sends me an email confirming that she had passed the rigorous testing.
The clinic did a great job on coaching her as to what to do as she was doing this at home.
They checked in with her every week to see how she was doing on an emotional level, and she was physically supported by a pre-approved local doctor who checked how her uterus lining was growing.
After finishing a month of treatment. The agency arranged for her to fly to the IVF clinic two days before the embryo transfer.
Questions to ask yourself:
1) Are you mentally prepared for a surrogate profile to come into your inbox any day after you sign up?
2) Have you got some questions that you would like to ask your surrogates?
3) Will you fly to the clinic to meet the surrogate for the embryo transfer?
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/messageSupport this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ivfdaddies/support - Visa fler
