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Navigating Divorce While Parenting: How to Put Your Kids First
Seth and Pete sit down with Heather Brooke Quick, the founder and CEO of Florida Women's Law Group, to discuss how to become a better, stronger parent during and after divorce. Heather shares her expertise on helping clients navigate co-parenting challenges and putting their children's needs first.
Seth, Pete, and Heather dive into the importance of focusing on the big picture and remembering that co-parenting is a lifelong commitment. They discuss strategies for keeping animosity in check, even when dealing with contentious issues like finances. Heather emphasizes the value of taking the high road and modeling positive behavior for your children.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I shield my kids from the negative aspects of divorce?What's the best way to communicate with my ex about parenting issues?How much should I share with my kids about the divorce process?Key Takeaways:
Always prioritize your children's well-being over conflicts with your exBe mindful of your reactions and behavior, as your children will learn from your exampleConsider therapy or counseling to help your children process their emotions during divorceThe conversation also touches on the importance balance of maintaining transparency with your children about age-appropriate aspects of the divorce, such as changes in finances or living arrangements. Seth, Pete, and Heather offer guidance on how to have these conversations without putting your children in the middle of adult issues.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the challenges of parenting during and after divorce. With Heather's expertise and Seth and Pete's relatable insights, you'll gain valuable tools for putting your children first and building a strong foundation for your post-divorce family.
Plus, we tackle a listener question – with Heather! – about when to file for divorce when pregnant.
Links & Notes
Find Heather on the web, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeTune in to Heather’s podcast Women Winning DivorceSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Heather Quick(01:28) - Becoming a Better Parent During Divorce(02:00) - Your Role in the Discussion(04:40) - Reminding People to Love Their Kids(07:29) - Men vs. Women in Divorce(10:05) - Financial Conversations(12:39) - Divorce Transparency?(16:52) - The Line of Role Modelling(17:46) - Sunshine Law(18:40) - Resources for Kids(21:32) - Parenting During Parallel Parenting(24:15) - Behavior as Divorcing People(26:26) - End Result(30:11) - It's Not Their Fault(31:55) - Knowing When to Step Back(33:19) - Finding Heather(34:43) - Listener Question(39:21) - Wrap Up -
Apologies and Relationships: How to Say Sorry and Mean It
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into the art of apologizing effectively with special guest Susan McCarthy, co-author of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies. Together, they explore the anatomy of a sincere apology, discuss common pitfalls, and share insights on how mastering the apology can improve your relationships, especially during a divorce – and we’re not just talking about with your spouse or ex but your kids as well!
Susan, a renowned author who has written about animal behavior and humor, brings her expertise on crafting effective apologies to the conversation. Seth and Pete engage her in a thought-provoking discussion on why people struggle with apologizing, the importance of teaching children how to apologize correctly, and how a well-executed apology can make a significant difference in the divorce process.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the key components of a sincere apology?How can a genuine apology impact divorce proceedings?Why is it crucial to teach children the art of apologizing?Key Takeaways:
A proper apology consists of six essential steps, including expressing remorse, acknowledging the specific wrongdoing, and demonstrating an understanding of the impact.Apologies can be powerful tools in mediation and can help couples reach agreements during a divorce.Mastering the art of apologizing can lead to healthier relationships and emotional well-being.This episode offers valuable insights for anyone looking to improve their communication skills and strengthen their relationships. Whether you're going through a divorce or simply want to learn how to apologize effectively, Seth, Pete, and Susan provide practical advice and real-life examples to help you navigate the complexities of saying "I'm sorry" and meaning it.
Links & Notes
SorryWatch.comGet Susan’s and Marjorie’s Book in hardback or paperbackSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Susan McCarthy(03:07) - Analyzing Apologies(03:30) - The 'Saving Your Pride' Problem(04:04) - Apologies in the Divorce Process(05:26) - Divorce and Apology Backstory(08:42) - Six Parts of a Good Apology(11:10) - Between Spouses(12:45) - In Mediation(14:19) - Not Making It Worse(16:41) - Getting Past Grudges(21:55) - Dissecting Apologies(24:27) - The Media Matters(27:03) - Positive Example(29:25) - Receiving an Apology(30:23) - Sorry Not Sorry(30:45) - Changes to Apologies in Modern Culture(33:29) - Apologies to Your Kids(37:30) - Over-Apologizing?(39:37) - Apologies with Gifts?(41:01) - Practicing(44:18) - Susan’s Book(45:46) - Wrap Up -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Divorce can be a complicated process, especially with children. The acronym PEACE can be used to remember the major points. We talk through each of the points on the show today. When filing for divorce, keep these in mind.
P – Parenting Plan: Required under Florida law and is split into parental responsibility (decision-making), child time-sharing (custody and visitation), and everything else that goes along with raising kids.E – Equitable Distribution: How your assets (things you own) or liabilities (debts you owe) will be divided. In Florida, the starting point is that marital property is divided equitably.A – Alimony: This is a payment one spouse makes to another spouse during or after the divorce. The main questions regarding alimony are: does one spouse have a need for alimony, and does the other spouse have the ability to pay alimony? If the answer to those questions is yes, then the question is how much and for how long.C – Child Support: Child support is based on a mathematical formula. It typically lasts until the child turns eighteen or graduates high school.E – Everything Else: This includes the divorce process and how attorney’s fees get paid.This conversation goes back to the beginning for a refresher in the core elements to keep in mind when you’re going through a divorce.
Links & Notes
Parenting Plan ExamplesSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - P.E.A.C.E.(04:24) - P for Parenting Plan(21:00) - E for Equitable Distribution(29:02) - A for Alimony(32:22) - C for Child Support(36:45) - E for Everything Else(39:06) - Wrap Up -
Listener Questions on Alimony, Co-Parenting, and More
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright dive into their mailbag to answer pressing questions from listeners. From alimony calculations to co-parenting challenges, Seth and Pete offer their insights and advice on navigating the complexities of divorce.
Seth and Pete tackle a range of topics, including how judges handle parenting plans for previously uninvolved parents, the intricacies of Florida's new alimony statute, and strategies for dealing with uncooperative ex-spouses in co-parenting arrangements. They also share the origin story of the podcast and express gratitude for their dedicated listeners.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Can a judge order a step-up plan for a previously uninvolved parent?How is alimony calculated under Florida's new law?How can I handle an ex-spouse who refuses to accommodate extra time with the kids?Key Takeaways:
Judges must act in the best interest of the child when determining parenting plansAlimony calculations in Florida are based on net income, not gross incomeCommunicate openly with your ex-spouse about co-parenting issues and aim to be the bigger personPlus, Kristin asks about the origins of the How to Split a Toaster podcast. Seth and Pete take a walk down memory lane, recounting their initial meeting, early podcast ideas, and the journey that led to the creation of their successful show.
This episode is packed with valuable information for anyone navigating a divorce or co-parenting relationship. Seth and Pete's expert advice, combined with their engaging banter, makes for an informative and entertaining listen. Tune in to gain a deeper understanding of crucial divorce-related issues and discover strategies for handling common challenges.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Listener Questions!(02:07) - Question #1(07:46) - Question #2(12:24) - Question #3(18:38) - Question #4(22:16) - Wrap Up -
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into the challenging topic of how divorce impacts children. They're joined by special guest Cathy Himlin, a reunification/conjoint family therapist, to discuss the child-centered approach in divorce parenting and what parents need to know to maintain a healthy connection with their kids.
Seth, Pete, and Cathy explore how parents' grief, anxiety, and emotions during the divorce process can affect children. They discuss the concept of "emotional contagion" and how kids pick up on and model their parents' behavior and feelings. Cathy shares insights from her work in court-involved family therapy, explaining how she helps children who have rejected a parent due to the emotional fallout of divorce.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How do my emotions during divorce impact my children?What can I do to help my kids cope with the changes and stress of divorce?How can therapy assist in repairing the parent-child relationship after a divorce?Key Takeaways:
Be mindful of how your emotions and behaviors affect your children during divorceFocus on your children's needs and create a safe space for them to express their feelingsSeeking professional help, like reunification therapy, can be crucial in maintaining and repairing parent-child bondsThroughout the episode, Seth, Pete, and Cathy provide valuable advice and strategies for parents navigating the challenges of divorce with their children. They emphasize the importance of validating children's emotions, offering sincere apologies when necessary, and consistently working to maintain a strong, supportive parent-child relationship.
This episode is a must-listen for any parent going through a divorce who wants to better understand their child's perspective and learn practical ways to help them cope with the emotional impact of this significant life change.
Plus, we answer a listener question about social investigations!
Links & Notes
Learn more about Cathy at Himlin ConsultingSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - Meet Cathy Himlin(01:04) - Parental Grief Impacting the Kids(04:10) - Chidren Impacted from High Conflict Divorces(06:13) - Impact Down the Road(07:28) - Working with Kids Who Reject Parents(09:01) - Getting Them in the Car(10:17) - Court-Involved(12:29) - Triggers for Court-Ordered(13:17) - When It’s Weaponized(14:03) - Different Reasons for Rejection(16:36) - Through the Process(19:58) - When the Child Feels Heard(21:07) - Feeling Pain(22:20) - Apologies(24:14) - Language of an Authentic Apology(28:37) - With Different Ages(32:44) - Permissive Parenting(36:20) - Finding Cathy(38:09) - Listener Question(44:41) - Wrap Up -
Navigating Your Financial Mindset After Divorce
In this episode of How to Split a Toaster, Seth and Pete dive into the psychological impact of divorce on financial decision making. They're joined by certified financial planner Ben Hockema, who shares his insights on helping individuals rebuild their lives and relationship with money post-divorce.
Seth, Pete, and Ben explore how divorce can drastically change one's financial psychology, often leading to a scarcity mindset. They discuss the importance of processing the loss of a "financial partner" and the stages of undoing the experience with a poor one. Ben emphasizes the need for a grieving period before making any irrevocable financial decisions and shares his approach to helping clients start fresh with a new financial plan tailored to their individual goals.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How does divorce impact your financial psychology?What are the stages of undoing the experience with a poor financial partner?How can you rebuild your financial life after divorce?Key Takeaways:
Allow yourself time to grieve the loss of your financial partner before making major financial decisions.Start fresh with a new financial plan that aligns with your individual goals and values.Seek support from a financial planner or therapist to help navigate the emotional aspects of money post-divorce.This episode offers valuable insights for anyone navigating the financial and emotional challenges of divorce. Seth, Pete, and Ben provide practical advice and reassurance that with time, support, and a fresh perspective, it's possible to rebuild a healthy relationship with money and move forward with confidence.
Plus, we answer a listener question!
Links & Notes
Find Ben and Illuminate Wealth Management on the web, Instagram, LinkedIn, and FacebookSchedule a call with BenThe Trance of Scarcity by Victoria CastleSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - Meet Ben Hockema(01:53) - Financial Psychology During Divorce(03:43) - Scarcity(07:12) - Financial Partner(10:17) - Stages(13:40) - Surprises(18:07) - Extracting the Info(22:23) - When It Was Never Your Job(26:21) - Learned Skill(27:08) - Trance of Scarcity(28:06) - Post-Divorce Checklist(32:34) - Where to Find Ben(33:36) - Listener Question(40:54) - Wrap Up -
In this episode, Seth and Pete welcome Josef Stetter, also known as "The Résumé Whisperer," to share his insights on creating a compelling post-divorce résumé that will help you land the job you desire.
Seth and Pete discuss with Josef the challenges faced by individuals re-entering the workforce after a divorce. They explore strategies for highlighting transferable skills, quantifying accomplishments, and showcasing the unique value you bring to the table. Josef emphasizes the importance of tailoring your résumé to the specific job and company you're targeting, rather than relying on generic approaches.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I make my résumé stand out after being out of the workforce for an extended period?What transferable skills should I highlight on my post-divorce résumé?How do I get past the AI filters and ensure my résumé reaches human eyes?Key Takeaways:
Quantify your accomplishments and contributions to demonstrate your valueTailor your résumé to the specific job and company you're targetingBe proactive in your job search by making personal connections and following upJosef also shares practical tips for acing the job interview, including coming prepared, projecting confidence, and focusing on quantifiable achievements rather than just duties and responsibilities. Seth and Pete engage in a lively discussion with Josef, providing examples and actionable advice for listeners navigating the post-divorce job search.
This episode is packed with valuable insights and strategies for creating a standout post-divorce résumé and acing the job interview. Whether you've been out of the workforce for a while or are looking to switch careers, Josef's expert guidance will help you showcase your unique strengths and land the job you deserve.
Plus, we tackle a listener question about bringing AI into your divorce.
Links & Notes
Find Josef on the web, LinkedIn, Twitter/X, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:00) - Meet Josef Stetter(06:18) - Crafting Your Resume(08:23) - Telling Your Story(11:02) - Finding the Relevance(14:09) - Accomplishments(18:24) - Getting Noticed(25:46) - The Interview(29:49) - Different Demographic Jobs(32:20) - Personal Touches(35:07) - Finding Josef(36:07) - Listener Question(43:04) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Rewriting Your Money Story During Divorce
In this episode, Seth and Pete aim to help listeners understand the role money plays during divorce. They are joined by guest Jennifer Lee, founder of Modern Wealth, who specializes in helping people take control of their money story. Jennifer provides insights into common money issues that arise during divorce and how to overcome emotional and practical hurdles.The main discussion focuses on understanding your unique money story, dealing with financial fears and uncertainty, and practical steps to regain control of your finances. Key themes include rewriting limiting beliefs around money, budgeting, handling joint accounts, and planning for the future.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How do I overcome anxiety about my finances after divorce?What essential documents and accounts should I gather?What specific steps can I take to become financially independent?Key Takeaways:
Divorce brings up many complex emotions around money. Seek support to handle them.Knowledge reduces fear. Learn everything you can about your current finances.You can rewrite your money story. Take control with planning and smart decisions.Plus, we tackle another listener question! Donna asks about how to move forward with divorce when her estranged husband controls their insurance and finances. Seth and Pete advise speaking to a lawyer to understand her options and rights. Knowledge is power.
This episode delivers incredible value, whether you're already divorced or just considering it. Jennifer provides wisdom and practical steps to overcome financial hurdles and gain confidence. It's a must-listen for anyone looking to rewrite their money story and thrive.
Links & Notes
Find Jennifer on the web, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeCheck out Jennifer’s book Squeeze the JuiceSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:00) - Meet Jennifer Lee(02:39) - Understanding Your Money Story(07:35) - Beginning Stages(09:21) - What You Want(13:15) - The Process(16:04) - Spend or Save Now(18:41) - Where You Start(21:51) - Ripples in the Pond(23:42) - Savings and Alimony(26:13) - Splitting Savings(30:27) - Divorce Checklist(34:59) - Divorce Is a Team Sport(37:14) - New Relationships(39:38) - Finding Jennifer(40:22) - Listener QuestionEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Fueling Your Body Through Divorce and Beyond
Seth and Pete welcome Jill Moellering, a functional nutritional therapy practitioner, to discuss how divorce affects our relationship with food. Jill offers guidance on overcoming disordered eating and embracing a balanced approach to nutrition.This compelling episode tackles the mental and emotional roots of unhealthy eating habits. Seth and Pete explore how grief, loss of control, and stress – factors in any divorce – impact our food choices. Jill provides practical strategies to become more mindful, such as focusing on how different foods make you feel and keeping a food journal.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I cope with emotional or stress eating during my divorce?What are some simple ways to start eating healthier after a separation?How can I teach my kids good eating habits when their other parent doesn't do the same?Key Takeaways:
Prioritize protein at every meal to stay full and stabilize blood sugar.Pay attention to how different foods affect your mood, energy, and sleep.Approach food from a perspective of choice rather than restriction.Plus, we tackle a listener question about navigating separation when unmarried with a child.
Seth explains the differences in this "parental divorce" and stresses the importance of finding a lawyer familiar with paternity law. Though the emotional impact is similar, the legal process differs without a marriage.
This episode will inspire you to build a healthier relationship with food, even amidst the turmoil of divorce. Tune in to gain practical nutrition tips and a deeper understanding of your eating habits.
Links & Notes
Jill’s website Whole Bean WellnessFind Jill and Whole Bean Wellness on Instagram, Facebook, or YouTubeSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:00) - Meet Jill Moellering(03:20) - Diet Culture and Your Emotional Health(05:34) - Divorce and Your Diet(09:10) - Paying Attention to How Food Makes Us Feel(10:58) - Intentional Choices(12:28) - How to Rewire Your Approach to Food(16:55) - Seth’s Shift(22:22) - A Pivot in Language(23:41) - Things You Can Control(25:13) - A-Ha Moments(26:16) - Crystal Light(27:38) - Don’t Restrict but Upgrade(30:04) - Thoughtful Choices(32:27) - Where to Start(35:38) - When You and Your Ex Disagree on How to Feed the Kids(38:09) - Guilty Pleasure Foods(39:35) - Where to Find Jill(40:17) - Listener Question(46:17) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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In this empowering episode, Seth and Pete are joined by Beverly Price, founder of Her Empowered Divorce, to discuss how to overcome domestic abuse and take control of divorce proceedings. Beverly shares her personal story of persevering through multiple divorces and emerging stronger. She provides insights on effective communication, documenting abuse, and building a supportive team. This is an inspiring conversation about reclaiming your agency during a challenging time.
Key Takeaways
Communicate for results, not just to express yourself. Frame issues clearly and concisely.Create a divorce team including a coach, lawyer and financial advisor. Divvy up roles.Document abuse with specific facts and dates, not emotions. Paint a pattern over time.Questions We Answer
How can you prep most effectively for that first lawyer meeting?What should you say when first telling your spouse you want divorce?How do you prove non-physical abuse like coercion?Plus, we tackle another listener question on changes in Florida divorce law!
This empathetic episode provides encouragement and practical tools to help anyone facing a contentious split take control of their situation, reclaim their self-worth, and ultimately transition from victim to survivor. Beverly shares her own inspiring journey as well as expert tips to empower yourself and get results during divorce proceedings.
Links & Notes
Find Beverly and Her Empowered Divorce on the web, LinkedIn, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTubeHer Empowered Divorce PodcastGet Beverly’s free ebook Comprehensive Divorce Checklist hereDivorce CoalitionSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(02:00) - Meet Beverly Price(03:16) - Beverly’s Backstory(05:42) - Types of Abuse(08:29) - ‘Have I Experience These Things’ List(09:28) - Beverly’s Own Signs(10:57) - Reading the Messages(14:08) - Helping Others(17:49) - Prepping for Your Attorney(25:54) - Forethought in Domestic Violence Situation(30:56) - The Divorce Coalition(41:42) - Reaching Out to Beverly(42:31) - Listener Question(49:33) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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“We owe it to them to ensure they’re not collateral damage due to this divorce.”
Meet Sarah ArmstrongSarah works at Google but decided as a side gig to write her book “The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are Involved” largely because it gave her the opportunity to share what she’d learned during her own divorce with others. And that’s not to say her divorce was a cakewalk. It was hard. It provided challenges for her, her ex, and their daughter. But through it all, they maintained the belief that they had to do what was best for their daughter. Hence, the good divorce.
Seth and Pete talk to Sarah about the decision to make the divorce a good one and how it shaped everything from that point forward. They talk about what it means to ‘do what’s best for the children.’ They discuss logistics, scheduling conflicts, and soccer games. They also talk about the battles over things like first right of refusal.
It’s also important to think beyond the years your kids will be under your roofs. What about when they’re older? Are you working to build that relationship beyond 18? How should you act when they’re young? Should you consider counseling for your child?
It’s a wide-ranging conversation that digs into a lot of topics that can help you as you work through your own divorce.
About SarahSarah Armstrong, good divorce proponent and author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce, is vice president, global marketing operations, at Google and proud mom of Grace, who will be a sophomore in college in the fall of 2022. Sarah is a mentor to other women in business, and longtime volunteer at various nonprofit organizations, including Jack & Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation, Georgetown Alumni Admissions Program and Trinity Table Soup Kitchen.
Prior to joining Google, Sarah was a partner at McKinsey & Co. and worked at The Coca-Cola Company in global marketing for twenty years, where she led Worldwide Agency Operations across 200 countries. Sarah started her career at Leo Burnett (Chicago) in Media. Sarah’s work has been recognized around the world, resulting in her being named one of Ad Age’s “Women to Watch” and included in Ad Age’s Book of Tens (“Top Ten Who Made Their Mark in 2009”).
Sarah was raised in Birmingham, Michigan with two younger brothers and happily married parents (for over fifty years and still going strong). She attended Georgetown University, as a scholarship athlete, earning a Bachelor of Science degree from the School of Business Administration with a major in marketing. She was a four-year starter on the Georgetown University Volleyball Team.
Sarah loves traveling the world and has been fortunate to travel to 55+ countries. She enjoys exploring new cities with Grace whenever possible. Sarah lives in San Francisco.
Sarah’s WebsiteFind Sarah on LinkedIn or FacebookThe Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children Are InvolvedSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:13) - Meet Sarah Armstrong(02:05) - Advocating for Good Divorce(05:17) - Her Own Divorce(07:31) - Having a Good Divorce(13:43) - Minimizing the Gaps(18:21) - Sponsor: Soberlink(20:45) - Other Routines(25:21) - Kids Adapting to Change(30:08) - Making New Lives Work Apart(31:08) - Right of Refusal(32:31) - Showing Consolidarity(36:11) - Navigating as a Working Mom(39:09) - Universal Truths(40:31) - Introducing New Significant Others(43:25) - When They Struggle With Change(48:47) - Counseling(50:02) - Your Family of Choice(52:56) - Sarah's Book and Website
Links & Notes -
How do you heal after living through the trauma of divorce? How do you help your kids heal when they live through their own experience of your trauma? Whether you consider yours an easy divorce, or a hard one, the act of separating lives is traumatic, and the impact of trauma can sneak up on you.
As we wrap up this season of the show, we want to take some time to talk about that healing process and we have the perfect guest to help us do that. Dee Wallace is an actor and a healer, and she’s spent the last twenty years of her career in channeled healing work. She is an advocate and teacher in the art of self-creation and the author of five books on the subject. She’s also been divorced more than once and knows a thing or two about healing through trauma herself.
As an actor, you might have seen one of her more than 260 credits including E.T., Cujo, The Howling, and on, and on, and on. What’s more, her most important role is as “Mom” to Toaster alum Gabrielle Stone, who taught us all about her divorce experience in Eat, Pray, #FML.
Dee’s career and relationship stories make for an incredible conversation and we’re deeply grateful for her time, participation, and joy in the Toaster this week.
We’re setting up for a short break as we head into the holiday season and will be replaying a few of our favorite episodes over the next month or so, but we’ll be back with new episodes in February. We’re grateful for this community, and all of you out there working to save your most important relationships. On behalf of all of us on Team Toaster — Seth, Pete, Andy, Melissa, Ken, and Karolynn — we wish you a happy holiday season full of peace, love, and joy.
(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:38) - Meet Dee Wallace(05:21) - Finding Happiness(07:48) - New Perspective on Relationships(10:22) - Dee's Bona fides(11:56) - Setting Boundaries(12:54) - Male Perspective Shift Needed(19:11) - Trauma(22:57) - Choices(27:36) - Grief(30:40) - Choices In The Divorce Process(34:23) - Back to Choices(37:44) - Growing in Wisdom(41:34) - Dee's Books(46:46) - Wrapping Up -
Navigating the Appeals Process in Divorce with Judge Matt Lucas
For our final episode of the season, Seth Nelson and Pete Wright chat with Judge Matt Lucas, an appellate court judge from the Florida Second District Court of Appeals, about the mysterious appeals process in divorce cases. They aim to shed light on what an appeal is, what appellate judges do, and what happens behind the scenes at the appellate court.This insightful episode covers the technical details of appeals and how they differ from the original divorce trial. Judge Lucas provides an inside look at this complex process from an experienced judge's perspective.
The discussion focuses on the mechanics of appeals - what grounds are needed to file one, the specific issues that can be appealed, the logistics of how appeals courts operate, and more.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What is an appeal and what does an appellate judge do?What are the grounds for appealing a divorce judgment?How long does an appeal take and what happens during the process?Key Takeaways:
Appeals focus on alleged legal errors, not just unfavorable outcomes.The appeals process involves new legal issues and standards of review.Appeals require precise arguments about specific aspects of the lower court's ruling.This episode offers rare insight into the mysterious appeals process direct from an appellate judge. Seth and Pete breakdown this complex topic in an accessible way, making it easy to understand for anyone going through a divorce. Listeners will learn what to expect during appeals and how to navigate them effectively.
Links & Notes
Check out Judge Lucas’ books!Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:27) - Meet Judge Matt Lucas(02:36) - The Appeals Process(14:44) - Trial Lawyer vs. Appellate Lawyer(17:11) - Overturn Frequency(23:14) - When You Win(29:06) - Enforcement(30:13) - Other Questions(38:02) - A Few Last Points(46:56) - Writing on the Side(48:25) - Wrapping Up -
Reinvent Yourself After Divorce
In this week's episode, Seth and Pete chat with midlife reinvention expert Dawn Fleming about rebuilding your life after divorce. They cover everything from rediscovering old hobbies to going back to school to finding new purpose and passion.Seth and Pete start by unpacking Dawn's own "attorney turned alchemist" story. She shares how she reinvented herself multiple times through divorce, career changes, spiritual journeys, and ultimately creating a life of adventure and service with her husband.
Some key themes explored include:
Finding confidence and esteem after divorceLearning new skills to grow yourselfReconnecting with old passions and interestsEstablishing a support network of friendsEmbracing change and new chaptersQuestions we answer in this episode:
How do I move forward after divorce?What next steps should I take?How can I find purpose?Key Takeaways:
Try new things and find what you used to loveBuild your confidence through accomplishmentsSurround yourself with positive peopleBe open to reinvention and changePlus, we tackle a listener question about how Seth handles working with clients who have emotional dysregulation or mental health issues during the divorce process.
This uplifting episode will leave you feeling empowered, motivated, and excited about the possibilities ahead after divorce. Tune in for an insightful discussion on reinventing yourself!
Links & Notes
claimyourdreamlifebook.comlifeinparadisepodcast.com Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Dawn Fleming(06:30) - Avoid Being an Island(10:54) - Reminding Yourself of What You Enjoyed(22:27) - Retuning for a New Partner(26:33) - Dawn’s Program(30:37) - Dawn’s Programs(34:57) - Finding Dawn(35:52) - Listener Question(40:37) - Wrap Up -
Transforming Mindset and Finding Hope After Divorce
Seth and Pete welcome Hilary DeCesare, founder of Relaunch Co. and expert in neuropsychology, to discuss shifting limiting beliefs during divorce. This episode focuses on adjusting your mindset during a challenging life transition like divorce. Hilary shares her 3HQ model for getting into your best emotional and mental state before major conversations or decisions.Questions we answer in this episode:
How do I stop negative self-talk during my divorce?What daily habits can help me feel more empowered and optimistic?Key Takeaways:
Tuning into an empowering song for 20 seconds can shift your emotional stateVisualizing your ideal scenario helps anchor positive intentionsSmall daily actions create momentum towards your goalsHilary introduces her TuneIn process to help people get into their "G-zone" - a state of gratitude, growth and greatness. This four-step practice takes just two minutes but can rewire your perspective before big moments. Seth and Pete also discuss using music and imagination games to ease difficult transitions for kids.
Whether you feel stuck in negativity or want to manifest an empowered mindset, this episode provides actionable tips to transform your emotional experience during divorce. Tune in to gain hope and clarity.
Links & Notes
Visit Hilary on the Web, LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and YouTubeThe Relaunch PodcastRead Hilary’s Book ReLaunch! Spark Your Heart To Ignite Your LifeTry the Tune In Power ToolSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(00:26) - Meet Hilary DeCesare(01:16) - Taking Control(08:45) - When It Gets In Your Way(11:43) - Awareness and Choice(12:46) - ‘I Am’ Statements(13:09) - The Higher Self(16:20) - Self Before Others(19:03) - Tune In(25:05) - Rewiring Over Time(32:28) - With the Kids(35:49) - Finding Hilary(37:15) - Wrap Up -
Seth and Pete welcome back author and astrologer Bethany Nicole for a fun, end-of-year bonus episode to dive into astrology and what their birth charts reveal about themselves. Can ancient astrological wisdom provide guidance and direction or is this just a fun experiment? Bethany interprets Seth and Pete's charts to uncover strengths, weaknesses, and life paths.
This astrology session provides some eye-opening self-discovery and personal growth for the hosts, all while allowing for a lighthearted way to wrap up the year. With an open mind, Seth and Pete gain some insights into their subconscious drivers, relationship patterns, and keys to fulfilling their potential. Though initially skeptical, they have an entertaining time peeling back the layers of their inner selves.
Links & Notes
Visit Bethany’s site to find her book and get a readingListen to our past episode with BethanyCheck out Seth’s or Pete’s birth chartsSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:19) - Welcome Back Bethany Nicole(03:36) - Setting Up the Readings(09:04) - Seth’s Chart(27:46) - Pete’s Chart(45:18) - Last Notes(54:19) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Get Answers to Your Divorce Questions
In this week's episode, Seth and Pete tackle real questions submitted by listeners who are going through a divorce or have been affected by one. They provide practical tips and legal perspectives to help you navigate some of the common issues that arise during separation and divorce.Seth and Pete aim to offer actionable advice and reassurance that you're not alone in this difficult process. Their insights can help you make informed decisions and feel empowered, whether you hope to salvage your relationship or move forward apart.
A Few Questions we answer in this episode:
How to handle a spouse who is hiding moneyWhat to do when your ex moves away and stops seeing the kidsWhether you can legally track an estranged spouseIf you can get an unequal division of assets if cheated onOptions if you want to stay married but your spouse won't stop affairsHow to protect yourself financially if thinking of separationThis candid episode provides perspective on dealing with some of divorce's toughest challenges. Seth and Pete's compassionate approach makes it easier to cope during this transition.
Links & Notes
Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:19) - Listener Questions!(02:01) - Number One(06:07) - Number Two(09:30) - Number Three(12:25) - Number Four(14:54) - Number Five(18:52) - Number Six(22:04) - Number Seven(24:24) - Number Eight(26:52) - Number Nine(32:27) - Number Ten(35:21) - Number Eleven(38:50) - Number Twelve(40:24) - Number Thirteen(42:35) - Number Fourteen(44:28) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Navigating Narcissistic Relationships and Healing After Divorce
Seth and Pete welcome Dr. Justine Weber, a psychologist who helps people recover from narcissistic abuse. They discuss how to identify narcissistic behaviors, cope with divorce from a narcissist, and heal after leaving the relationship.The conversation focuses on rebuilding your sense of self and reality after narcissistic conditioning. Justine offers insights into childhood attachment styles and trauma responses that can lead people to end up with narcissistic partners.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How do you detach from a narcissist's distortions of reality?What strategies help rebuild your confidence during and after divorce?How can you take back power after years of narcissistic control?Key Takeaways:
Forgiving yourself is critical to overcoming narcissistic abuse.Documenting the truth can counteract gaslighting.Stay focused on your priorities rather than trying to control everything.Overall, this episode explores thoughtful strategies for healing and reclaiming your life after leaving a narcissistic relationship. Justine offers compassionate guidance to help anyone struggling with these issues.
Links & Notes
Find Dr. Justine Weber on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, or Her WebsiteBuy Dr. Weber’s New Book!Schedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:18) - Meet Dr. Justine Weber(02:03) - The Book (and Its Title)(04:34) - Reclaiming Agency(09:48) - Self-Blame(11:54) - Rejection Sensitivity(13:17) - Basis of Understanding(14:43) - Breaking Free(17:50) - Intervention(20:49) - In Divorce(23:42) - Tracking Details(25:46) - Rewiring(31:43) - High Conflict Divorce?(35:37) - Kids(44:18) - Justine’s BookEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Financial Abuse, Credit Card Debt, and Rebuilding Finances Post-Divorce
In this informative episode, Seth and Pete dive into the heavy topic of financial abuse with expert guest, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Accredited Financial Counselor Leah Hadley. They discuss the various forms of financial abuse, the mindsets and behaviors that enable it, and most importantly, how to recover and rebuild your financial life after divorce when financial abuse was present.
Leah shares her wisdom and experience in helping clients heal from financial abuse and become empowered, intentional money managers. Key themes include reframing your relationship with money, budgeting with intention, reducing credit card debt strategically, and planning for your financial future.
A Few Questions we answer in this episode:
What does financial abuse look like in a marriage?How do you rebuild financial confidence after divorce?What are strategies for getting credit card balances down?Key Takeaways:
Financial abuse stems from an imbalance of power related to money access and control.Reframe budgeting as intentional spending aligned with your values, not limitation.Consolidate high-interest debt and close credit card accounts to change behaviors.Be deliberate with beneficiaries, inheritance, and asset distribution in divorce.Seth, Pete, and Leah Hadley deliver an insightful look at financial abuse and provide helpful strategies for listeners rebuilding their financial lives after divorce. Tune in to gain knowledge that can lead to financial confidence and empowerment.
More About Leah
Leah Hadley, host of Intentional Divorce Insights, is an experienced mediator, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and Accredited Financial Counselor. She is committed to providing compassionate financial guidance through life transitions. Leah will tell you she’s had many challenging financial times in her adult life–adopting a sibling group of three, getting divorced, and building a business from the ground up to name a few. These have been times when her ability to hunt down appropriate resources and careful financial planning was critical to her peace of mind.
A former investment analyst and sought-after speaker, Leah is the founder of Intentional Divorce Solutions and Great Lakes Investment Management. Leah uses her knowledge and more than 15 years of experience to help her clients make intentional financial decisions.
Find Leah on her website or on LinkedInCheck out Leah’s Podcast Intentional Divorce Insights on YouTube and InstagramSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:19) - Meet Leah Hadley(02:21) - Financial Abuse(04:12) - Power Imbalance(09:17) - Figuring Out Your Relationship With Money(13:46) - Money Identity Foundations (14:54) - Rebuilding Financial Confidence(17:02) - Juggling Lifestyle Elements(19:59) - Learned Skill(20:25) - Not Restriction but Intention(23:44) - Deal With Fear Head-On(25:49) - Credit Cards and Debt(32:35) - Making It Harder(33:45) - Behavior and Reframing(38:54) - Building Awareness(39:20) - Taxes Etc.(40:42) - Beneficiaries and Contingent Beneficiaries(46:48) - Tools to Help(49:26) - Finding Leah(50:58) - Leave Us a Review and Rating(52:22) - Wrap Up
Links & NotesEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
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Rediscovering Purpose After Divorce
In this thoughtful episode, Seth and Pete explore the journey of finding meaning after divorce. They're joined by therapist and author Furkhan Dandia, who shares his own divorce story and path to advocacy.Together, they take an enlightening look at processing divorce trauma in a healthy way. They touch on moving past limiting beliefs, redefining relationships, and gaining resilience. While centered on men's experiences, their insights apply to anyone seeking growth after divorce.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can introspection help overcome shame and regain control?What role can vulnerability and community play in healing?How can practices like cold plunges and meditation cultivate strength?Key Takeaways:
Divorce can impact finances, family, and mental health. Focusing inward helps move forward.Reframing your mindset fosters optimism and perseverance.Daily mindfulness habits build the resilience to weather challenges.Plus, we tackle another listener question! A divorced dad asks for advice on visiting his autistic son who can get violent. Seth offers practical tips like meeting in public, having a plan if things escalate, and even hiring an off-duty officer for supervision.
This inspiring episode provides insights on mental health, resilience, and discovering purpose after divorce. Tune in for an uplifting perspective on healing, recovery, and growth.
Links & Notes
Find Furkhan on the web, LinkedIn, X (Twitter), Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, and YouTubeFurkhan’s Podcast EZ ConversationsFurkhan’s Book Pursuit of Self-LoveCold Plunge Wim Hof MethodSchedule a consult with SethGot a question you want to ask on the show? Click here!(00:00) - Welcome to How to Split a Toaster(01:19) - Meet Furkhan Dandia(02:03) - Career Change(03:52) - Room for Gendered Conversation?(05:46) - Broken Homes?(07:25) - Individualistic vs. Collectivistic(08:05) - Ego and Masculinity(11:13) - Three Spectra of Explanatory Theory(14:07) - Strategies for Recognition(17:03) - Permanence(18:44) - Vulnerability(27:13) - Mindfulness Practice(35:51) - Reclaiming Agency(36:16) - Where to Find Furkhan(38:43) - Listener Question(42:24) - Wrap UpEstablishing trust with Co-Parents can be difficult when alcohol abuse is involved. Use Soberlink as an opportunity to improve co-parenting arrangements. Visit their site to learn more and get a promo code for $50 off.
- Visa fler
