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  • In today’s episode, Jeff Glauser shares his transformative journey from feeling stuck and unfulfilled in his mid-thirties to finding purpose and stability in his forties. Coming from a background in sports journalism, Jeff struggled with imposter syndrome and missed opportunities. Faced with financial hardships and personal setbacks, including a bankruptcy and his marriage ending, Jeff sought a path to reinvention. Through establishing ten daily habits centered on self-improvement and simplicity—such as exercise, meditation, and financial organization—Jeff slowly rebuilt his life. His story unfolds into a tale of self-discovery, resilience, and the power of incremental change, ultimately culminating in a meaningful new career and a fulfilling relationship.

    Guest Bio 

    After waking up to a panic attack on his 42nd birthday broke, unemployed, and soon to be divorced, Jeff Glauser finally figured out a system to unstick himself. The former journalist, professor, and sales manager committed to a series of simple daily habits that changed his entire trajectory. Now the founder of Brandscribed, he helps other high performers change their brand narrative and create the next chapter of their lives.

    Turning 40 and Embracing the Bare Minimum

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Jeff Glauser, who navigated through a profound midlife transformation. From battling the depths of career dissatisfaction and personal turmoil, including a challenging marriage and financial woes, Jeff shares his journey of rediscovery and how he reshaped his life into one of fulfillment and success. His story is not just about overcoming, but about the strategic and mindful steps he took to rebuild his life from the ground up.

    Episode Highlights:

    Jeff discusses his early career aspirations and the repeated setbacks that led to a loss of confidence and the onset of imposter syndrome.He shares the pivotal moment on his 42nd birthday that acted as a wake-up call, leading him to develop a set of daily habits that fundamentally changed his life.Jeff talks about the end of his marriage and how hitting rock bottom was both a challenge and a catalyst for change.The transformational power of simple daily habits that helped Jeff regain control of his life, including meditation, exercise, gratitude and managing finances.Jeff’s journey to finding love again, where a simple first date after his separation turned into a life-changing relationship.His career shift into leveraging his storytelling skills to help others in their professional branding, inspired by his own experiences and challenges.

    Jeff’s story is a testament to the fact that it’s never too late to change your life and find fulfillment. His methodical approach to establishing daily habits that foster personal and professional growth is not only inspiring but also actionable for anyone feeling stuck in their own life. This episode is a must-listen for anyone facing midlife challenges or seeking to reinvent themselves. It’s a reminder that with the right mindset and tools, transformation is within reach.

    If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback helps us bring more inspiring stories like Jeff’s to listeners who are navigating their own midlife transformations.

    Guest Resources

    Jeff’s Offer for Forty Drinks Listeners: Become An Expert Brand Master Class

    Connect with Jeff on Facebook

    Building a StoryBrand, by Donald Miller

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download...

  • In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Gregory Halpen discusses his transformative journey from a tumultuous youth to finding stability and purpose in midlife. Gregory shares his struggles with substance misuse, the allure and challenges of life in New York City, and a life-altering battle with cancer at age 46, which led him to reevaluate his life, ultimately grounding himself and pursuing his passion for the arts more seriously. Gregory's story is a vivid example of resilience and the power of personal rebirth, offering hope and inspiration to those navigating their own midlife transitions. Join Stephanie and Gregory as they explore the profound impact of life’s trials and the beauty of emerging with a renewed sense of direction and fulfillment.

    Guest Bio 

    Gregory has 30+ years’ experience as a gay men’s leadership coach, solo theater artist, stage & TV actor, and singer. Gregory teaches solo-theater artists how to get out of their head so they can openly create from the heart.

    Turning 40, Conquering Cancer and Planting Roots

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie McLaughlin sits down with Gregory Halpen, who shares his transformative midlife journey from a tumultuous youth and early adulthood marked by instability, trauma, and an ungrounded lifestyle. Gregory talks about the internal conflicts he faced, battling imposter syndrome and past traumas, and how these issues hindered his professional and personal growth. He also recounts a life-altering battle with Hodgkin's lymphoma at age 46, which spurred a dramatic shift in his perspective and lifestyle.

    From battling substance misuse and anxiety to overcoming a cancer diagnosis, Gregory’s narrative is a compelling tale of resilience, renewal, and the power of staying true to one’s passions despite life’s upheavals. He takes us from his time as a tumbleweed to a grounded performer. 

    Episode Highlights:

    Early Struggles: Gregory discusses his challenging upbringing in a family grappling with addiction and how it shaped his early years.

    New York, New York: The allure of NYC and how it played a pivotal role in both the challenges and opportunities in his life, including his repeated moves to and from the city.

    Facing Cancer: Gregory opens up about his diagnosis of Hodgkin's lymphoma at 46, describing it as a major turning point that pushed him to truly confront his life’s direction.

    Artistic Pursuits: Insights into Gregory’s evolving career in theater and music, highlighting his current projects and how he channels his experiences into his creative work.

    Personal Growth: How therapy and personal development have helped him navigate through anxiety, build healthier relationships, and foster a more grounded existence.

    Gregory's story is a testament to resilience, illustrating how therapy, self-discovery, and a grounded approach led to personal and professional fulfillment. It is a vivid reminder that personal rebirth is possible, and sometimes, the most profound growth happens when we find ourselves rooted in our true passions. This episode offers insights and inspiration for those facing their own midlife transitions and seeking a path to a more intentional, grounded life.

    If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating, following, and reviewing the podcast. Your feedback not only helps us grow but also inspires us to bring more inspiring stories like Gregory’s to you. 

    Guest Resources

    Connect with Gregory on Facebook 

    Connect with Gregory on Instagram 

    Connect with Gregory on TikTok

    Do you have the Midlife...
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  • When she was 31, Laura Ballet met a man 11 years her junior that she would spend the next decade with. He acted mature for his age and she acted a little young, so they met in the middle on many  things. The relationship was mostly wonderful, but she put blinders on to avoid the things she felt were missing. However, once she started asking herself the hard questions, she couldn’t deny that something important was missing for her. She chose to take a leap of faith and listen to the little voices calling to her, that she could feel nudging her toward a different future.

    Guest Bio 

    As a Global Ambassador for Life Transformational Empowerment and Human Awareness, Laura’s skill set, gathered wisdom, and personal discipline to advance human potential is evident in her creative work. The care, consideration, and genuine thoughtfulness of supporting and exploring an empowered life with both personal and professional individuals, is an impactful and life-advancing experience for her clients, attendees, and listeners around the globe. Co-Creating with individuals who are willing to grow past their present Mindset, repeated negative patterns, and outdated habits, are in for a 360 view on how to create and sustain happiness and well-being.

    Laura is a sought- after Coaching expert in the field of Neuro-Energy. A self-aware environment that allows us to move into the “Power Seat of Choice.” This awareness positions us into the realm of Empowerment, and here is where unlimited potential gains accountability to enact change. You will discover how we choose to think about thought, and the energetic frequency attached to that thought, sets up the way we experience life. 

    The J3=E Formula activates your ability and potential to dissolve past challenges, and to Reframe your mindset, becoming skilled at hacking doubt, and in partnership with expanding creativity. There are empowering and inspirational thought leaders around the world consistently interviewing Laura for magazine articles, Podcasts, speaking engagements and creative collaboration.

    If you are willing to advance your present condition, state of mind, biology/cellular well-being, and your spiritual starting point, Laura’s revolutionary book, The Science of Empowerment, based on Mindset advancement, will fundamentally change everything. Do not stay connected to the past and unnecessary ways of moving through your days. We are here to evolve in every way possible! Do not let this life pass through you with your potential un-awakened.  

    Do not glance at the Power…Become the Power…

    Turning 40 and Waking From the Fairy Tale

    In this heartwarming episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Laura Ballet, who shares her poignant journey through the complexities of love, self-discovery, and personal evolution that unfolded in her 30s and 40s. After spending a decade with a man 11 years her junior, Laura felt a calling from within that this relationship wasn’t enough for her. She clearly remembers the day she saw him and thought, “I now realize that you are here to teach me what it is I don’t want.” This led to a leap of faith and a period of time where she focused on her relationship with herself. Ultimately, she found that everything she dreamed of was on the other side of that decision. Laura's story is a testament to the power of listening to one’s inner voice and the beautiful possibilities that arise when we dare to follow it.

    Highlights:

    Laura's early life and the impact of her family’s generational patterns on her personal growth.

    Her transformative relationship in her 30s with a younger man, which while fulfilling on many levels, ultimately taught her more about what she didn't want than what she did.

    The pivotal moments of self-realization and the decision to prioritize her own happiness and growth, leading to the end of her long-term relationship.

    Laura’s

  • As a former "fat kid," Lauren Herskovic had deep seated insecurities that led her to choose professional roles that didn’t give her what she needed because she didn’t think she deserved it. She spent seven years as the COO of a startup where the founders made her feel like she was good at her job and dangled the carrot of the “big payoff,” but it came with severely compromised boundaries. Ultimately, she found her way from soul-sucking burnout to success and authenticity in the real estate industry. Lauren’s story is a powerful testament to personal and professional growth that can inspire anyone facing their own transitions around the age of forty.

    Guest Bio 

    What do you get when you combine a teacher, a comedian and a COO? Either the start of a really bad joke or an attentive, knowledgeable, detail-oriented, and entertaining real estate agent. In this case, we’ve got the latter. Lauren Herskovic, founding member of Moda Group at Compass specializes in helping first time homebuyers find their place in Chicago.

    Lauren grew up in suburban Detroit and now lives in Chicago. She got a BA in English and Secondary Education from the University of Michigan (Go Blue!). She then served as Editor in Chief for an online women’s magazine in NYC before working as COO for a consulting company based in Chicago, taking the company from a 3-person operation to a team of 100+ with offices in the US and China. If you think that sounds like something that would burn someone out, you'd be right! So, burnt to a crisp in the latter half of her 30's, Lauren decided to follow her heart and make the leap into Real Estate. And she hasn't looked back since. In her free time (which is limited these days, with this active market!) she eats her way through Chicago, binge-watches Bravo with her Toy Poodle, Harvey, and takes an obscene amount of pictures of said food and said poodle.

    Turning 40 and Kicking the Soul Sucking Job to the Curb

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie McLaughlin sits down with Lauren Herskovic, who navigated through significant life changes before her 40th birthday. Lauren shares her journey from grappling with self-doubt rooted in childhood to transforming into a confident real estate agent and finding love in a healthy relationship. Lauren paints a vivid picture of the ups and downs of personal growth, the importance of vulnerability, and the ongoing quest for self-acceptance.

    Her story is a testament to the power of self-discovery and resilience through the midlife transition, offering listeners a candid look into the personal and professional growth that can occur during this pivotal time.

    Episode Highlights:

    Career Shifts: Lauren discusses her transition from feeling undervalued as a Chief Operating Officer in a startup to thriving as a real estate agent where she built her brand around her authentic self.

    Self-Discovery: She reflects on her struggles with body image and how overcoming these helped her gain confidence in her personal and professional life.

    Relationship Evolution: Lauren opens up about her past relationships and how meeting her current partner at the right time in her life made a significant difference.

    Setting Boundaries: Learn how Lauren learned to prioritize her needs and set boundaries, especially concerning her time and personal space.

    The Impact of Therapy: Lauren credits therapy with helping her understand herself better, which was crucial in her journey towards self-acceptance and improvement.

    Family Dynamics and Personal Growth:She discusses the influence of her family's communication style on her personality and how external perspectives helped her gain insight into herself.

    With a blend of vulnerability and humor, Lauren's journey through her midlife transition illustrates the challenges...

  • As Ginny Priem approached 40, she was focused on her career and enjoying the life she had built for herself. Then she met “Chad,” who worked his way into her heart and home with his two kids. A year later she met a friend who presented her with evidence that “Chad” had been seeing someone else the whole time. One of the alleged instances occurred when Ginny knew she was overriding a sense that something was wrong.  It was only after getting out of that relationship that she started to ask the hard questions like, how did this happen? Why did I welcome this into my life? That led to uncovering toxic patterns she could trace back to her childhood in a narcissistic family.

    Guest Bio 

    Ginny Priem is a keynote speaker, #1 bestselling author, host of the popular podcast "Drinking With Gin" and a life coach at the mastery level.

    Turning 40 and Ditching the Lying, Cheating Narcissist

    Motivated, successful and career-focused in her mid-thirties, Ginny Priem's life took a dramatic turn when she fell for “Chad” and his two children. Despite her initial reluctance, she embraced the relationship until a shocking revelation from a friend brought her world crashing down. This betrayal forced Ginny to confront not only the immediate pain but also deeper issues stemming from her past, including dealing with a narcissistic family background. 

    Ginny's discovery of Chad's betrayal leads to a painful but empowering journey toward self-discovery, healing, and eventually using her experience to help others as a life coach, author, and motivational speaker. Throughout the interview, Ginny emphasizes learning from one's intuition, the importance of self-love, and reclaiming one's life from narcissistic abuse.

    Through her story, Ginny delves into the complexities of narcissistic relationships, the importance of listening to our intuition, and the transformative power of facing the truth. 

    Key Takeaways:

    Self-Discovery is Key: Ginny's journey underscores the importance of self-discovery in healing. Understanding your past and how it influences your present can be a powerful catalyst for growth.Letting Go of Toxicity: Sometimes, you gotta Marie Kondo your relationships. Letting go of toxic connections creates space for healthier, more fulfilling ones to thrive.Embracing Your Purpose: Ginny found her purpose in helping others navigate tough times. Embracing your story and using it to uplift others can be incredibly empowering.Meditation for the Win: Who knew a meditation retreat could be so life-changing? Sometimes, all it takes is a little mindfulness to shift your perspective and set you on a path to healing.Turning Pain into Power: Ginny's journey shows that pain can be a powerful fuel for transformation. Instead of letting it break you, use it to propel yourself forward and create a life you love.
    Guest Resources

    Sign up for Ginny’s Free Newsletter

    Ginny’s books: 

    You're My Favorite 

    I'm My Favorite

    Connect with Ginny on Facebook 

    Connect with Ginny on Instagram 

    Connect with Ginny on TikTok

    YouTube 

  • Sara Letorneau is a writer, editor, poet and writing coach who will turn 40 later this year. She grew up in a “normal” happy family in a working class suburb in Massachusetts where she was taught that the traditional life milestones would make her “happy:” go to college, get a job, find a boyfriend, get married and have kids. But we all know that it’s not that easy. Sara has made her way through some elements of the midlife Ick, in her job, her friendships and in her romantic relationships. And, while there are some aspects of the Ick she’s still making her way through, she’s got a wildly positive outlook about turning 40 this year.

    Guest Bio 

    Sara Letourneau is a poet, book editor, and writing coach who lives in Massachusetts. She's the founder and managing editor at Heart of the Story Editorial & Coaching Services, where she works with fiction and nonfiction writers as well as poets to help them develop the skills, knowledge, and confidence they need so they can finish their manuscripts, polish them for publication, and stay focused and motivated as they reach for their writing goals and embrace their creativity. Her debut poetry collection, Wild Gardens, will be published by Kelsay Books in late summer 2024; and her award-winning poetry has been published widely in literary journals, magazines, and anthologies online and in print. Apart from work and writing, Sara believes in caring for one's mental health, practicing gratitude, doing what makes you happy, and taking responsibility for your actions and reactions and no one else's. You can visit her online and read more of her work at her website (heartofthestoryeditorial.com) or on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn.

    Turning 40 and Peeling Back the Layers of the Onion

    This week, Stephanie delves deep into Sara Letourneau’s journey as she navigates through multiple personal and professional transformations approaching her 40th birthday. Facing the 'Icks' of life, including career shifts, personal growth, and family dynamics, Sara shares her path to discovering and embracing her true self, overcoming challenges through a consistent gratitude practice, spirituality, and resilience. From embarking on a spiritual awakening and embracing a poetry career to understanding complex family relationships and redefining personal milestones, Sara's story offers insights into the universal quest for fulfillment and happiness.

    Guest Resources

    Connect with Sara on Facebook

    Connect with Sara on Instagram 

    Heart of the Story Website

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick  

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

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    The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by

  • David Hankins spent 20 years in the Army working in logistics. He retired at 42 and had to figure out what his next act was going to be. There would be stability to support his family, but he would also chase his dream of becoming a professional writer. Despite David’s midlife transition looking pretty smooth, there has been a lot of uncertainty. In both his search for a civilian job and his efforts to break into publishing, he’s heard a lot of no’s, or gotten no response at all. His approach to that was to provide himself with as many options as possible so that at least a few would work out.

    Guest Bio 

    David Hankins is the award-winning author of Death and the Taxman and writes from the thriving cornfields of Iowa where he lives with his wife, daughter, and two dragons disguised as cats. David joined the US Army after college and, through some glitch in the bureaucracy, convinced Uncle Sam to fund his wanderlust for twenty years. He has lived in and traveled through much of Europe, central Asia, and the United States. Now that he’s retired from the Army, David devotes his time to his passions of writing, traveling, and finding new ways to pay his mortgage. You can find him at https://davidhankins.com

    Turning 40 and Leaving the Bureaucracy for Science Fiction

    In this episode, David Hankins shares his journey from serving in the Army for 20 years, through his transition back to civilian life, to becoming a published author. He talks about his military career, starting with his initial intention to join the military police, leading to his eventual role in logistics and ammunition management. David touches upon his travels, including deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq, and his life-changing decision to retire after 20 years of service. David discusses the challenges and uncertainties he faced while transitioning to civilian life, including his pursuit of a writing career. Inspired by storytelling sessions with his daughter, David began writing short stories, leading to winning the Writers of the Future contest. He also shares insights into his writing process, motivations, and his upcoming self-published novel 'Death and the Taxman'. Throughout the episode, David emphasizes the importance that networking, planning, and maintaining a positive outlook had during his midlife transition.

    Guest Resources

    Order Death and the Taxman here!

    Connect with David on Facebook

    Connect with David on Instagram

    Do you have the Midlife Ick?

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

    Apple Podcasts 

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    Sponsor

    The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications

  • Allison Doss has a multi-faceted midlife transition that took her through several harrowing phases. She moved to the “big city” after high school and was quickly recruited to become a stripper. She went from stripper to high-priced escort to homeless and drug addicted, prostituting to pay for her fix. At 40 she got into recovery but quickly replaced her pursuit of drugs with the pursuit of a man, who she ultimately married. That should be enough lessons for one person, but her husband came out to her as trans, which sent Allison into a relapse before she recommitted to recovery and to healing.

    Guest Bio 

    For Allison Doss, what started as the life of a party girl in her 20s, ended as a drug addicted alcoholic prostitute at the age of 40. God‘s gift of desperation came in the form of another drug addict, who jumped her and cut her face and instilled fear that she knew existed. She began the journey to recovery at 40. She met a man, fell in love and got married. And just when she thought that she had created a life that was predictable and stable, her husband confessed to her that he thought he may be transgender. Nothing rocked Allison to her core like the love of her life not meeting the expectations for the marriage she had planned for them. Her story is that of transformation of surrender and self discovery. She found freedom in letting go of control of others and allowing them to walk their own path without her interference.

    Turning 40 and Going from the Streets to Safety to Shock and Awe

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Allison Doss, who moved from a farm in Louisiana to Washington DC when she was 17. She was recruited to be a stripper,  which she thought was quite glamorous and made her a lot of money. That career introduced her to a party lifestyle and she eventually evolved into a high-priced escort, flying around the world on private jets. But the party didn’t last forever. She didn’t realize that she had slipped into addiction and, by the time she was 35, she was homeless, into heavy drugs, and prostituting herself to pay for them. Nobody knew where she was and she didn’t want to be found. 

    Allison is honest about the turning points in her life, including losing custody of her children, living on the streets, and a violent encounter that eventually led her to seek recovery at the age of 40. When she entered recovery she met her “new drug of choice” - a man she would pursue vigorously and who would ultimately become her husband. 

    She reflects on the process of making amends, reconnecting with her children, and the challenges she faced when her husband came out as transgender. This revelation sent Allison into a relapse, which she would blame on her husband. Recovery and healing led her to a deeper understanding of herself and the concept of control. This is the story of how she found her way back and healed her relationships, most importantly the ones with herself and her children and the lessons learned about life, expectations, and the release of control.

    “I thought there was something wrong with me,” Allison said. “So I went on this journey to dissect the fabric of my own cloth to discover what's wrong with me.  And, of course, there was nothing wrong with me.”

    Guest Resources

    Connect with Allison on Instagram

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

    Apple Podcasts 

  • Karl Beckstrand was exposed to gay sex at age 8 by a male peer. Because of that experience at such a tender age, Karl developed a dysfunctional relationship with sex. He became hypersexual from that first encounter at age 8 until he was about 40, at which point he went to the other extreme and became a recluse for a decade. Here, he tells the story of how he learned to get his emotional needs met in a healthy way.

    Guest Bio 

    College media instructor Karl W. Beckstrand is the best-selling author/illustrator of twenty-seven multicultural/multilingual books (60 e-books—reviews by Publisher’s Weekly, Kirkus, The Horn Book, and School Library Journal). Raised in San Jose, California, he has lived abroad, earned a B.A. in journalism, an M.A. in international relations and conflict resolution, and a broadcast & film certificate. His western novel, To Swallow the Earth, won a 2016 International Book Award. Beckstrand loves volleyball and singing (in rock bands or choirs). His Y.A. stories, e-book mysteries, immigrant biographies, self-help, Spanish/bilingual books, and STEM books feature diverse characters—and usually end with a twist. See: Amazon, Apple/iBooks, Baker & Taylor, Barnes & Noble, Follett, Ingram, Walmart, Target, and PremioBooks.com

    Turning 40 and Embracing Intimacy Over Sex

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin talks to Karl Beckstrand, who reflects on his early experiences with hypersexuality and his attempts to suppress his attraction to men. He discusses the negative impact this had on his relationships and his decision to become a recluse for 10 years. Karl eventually realized that he needs emotional connection rather than sexual encounters to fulfill his needs. He opens up about his deep and lasting friendships with men, which he describes as "bromances." Karl challenges some of the societal norms in the gay community and emphasizes the importance of meeting emotional needs in relationships. This episode offers a unique perspective on relationships and personal growth in midlife.

    Highlights:

    Karl shares his early exposure to sex by a male peer and how it led him to act hypersexually along with his attempts to suppress his attraction to men.He discusses the negative impact of his out-of-control behavior on his relationships and his decision to become a recluse for 10 years.Karl realizes that he needs emotional connection rather than sexual encounters to fulfill his needs.He opens up about his deep and lasting friendships with men, which he describes as "bromances."Karl challenges societal norms and emphasizes the importance of meeting emotional needs in relationships.

    If you enjoyed this episode, I’d be honored if you would rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Guest Resources

    Connect with Karl on Facebook 

    Connect with Karl on Instagram

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

    Apple Podcasts 

    Spotify

    Amazon Podcasts

  • Joe Scales approached 40 wondering why he wasn’t happier. He had a job that paid well, two incredible kids and he had been married for 20 years. He wondered why he didn’t have “it” all figured out yet (when it seemed like everyone else did), which led him to questioning many of his decisions along the way. He realized that the problem was himself and his focus on questions that began with “why.” There were plenty of other questions that he could ask that might help him shake loose of his malaise, like: Who do I want to be? How do I get there? What do I need to feel fulfilled at the end of the day? Answering those questions, and spending an entire year saying “yes,” led Joe to a much better place.

    Guest Bio 

    Joe Scales grew up in Kansas and Oklahoma. He has two kids, 30 and 27 and was married to his high school sweetheart for 25 years. They eventually ended up getting divorced and he took a year to work on himself before he started dating again. He’s been remarried now for almost two years. Joe has worked in marketing and advertising for his entire career, including stints in Print, Radio, and Television. Today, he owns a poker media company that merges two of his favorite past times, marketing and poker. He publishes a weekly podcast and a monthly magazine that are dedicated to the everyday poker player. Both can be found at www.anteupmagazine.com.

    Turning 40 and Saying Yes for a Year

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Joe Scales, who reflects on his early marriage and parenthood, the pressure he felt to make ends meet and how he started questioning his own happiness as he approached 40.  Joe began to rethink his life choices; he had a burgeoning feeling of wanting to make a bigger impact in the world. At the suggestion of a friend, Joe committed to saying yes to new experiences for a full year. He discovered a passion for acting and found a new sense of fulfillment in giving back to others. Joe also talks about how important it was that he found a partner who allowed him to be himself and supported his personal growth.

    Highlights:

    Joe reflects on getting married and starting a family very young and the pressure he felt to make ends meet.As he approached 40, Joe wondered why he wasn’t happier. He also felt a burgeoning desire to make a bigger impact in the world.Inspired by a friend, Joe said yes to new experiences and opportunities for an entire year.Joe discovered a passion for acting and found fulfillment in giving back to others through charity work.He emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-reflection in finding happiness and purpose in midlife.Joe discusses the significance of finding a partner who supports personal growth and encourages positive change.

    Joe's story highlights the power of changing perspectives in finding happiness and purpose in midlife.

    If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Guest Resources

    Find Joe on Facebook

    Find Joe on Instagram

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick  

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

    Apple...

  • John Lawyer spent more than a decade as a warrior in the Middle East and, upon his return to civilian life in the United States, struggled with his identity and how to engage with the world. He went from someone who was “important” in the desert - someone who directed where troops and airplanes went - to being just another person living in what he thought was a muted world that moved in slow motion. And then one night he woke up to a profound moment of clarity, some call it an awakening, that helped him see what he was meant to do in this next phase of his life.

    Guest Bio 

    From desert combat zones to a battle within, John Lawyer transformed from soldier to spiritual seeker. He acts as one of several guides for Kishar, a non-profit online spiritual community. This community is a place for people to share their journeys and explore their own unique spiritual path. John is an omnist and believes in the validity of most spiritual and religious beliefs around the world. He offers individual spiritual guidance and coaching services as part of the Kishar Spiritual Community.

    Turning 40 and Transitioning From Warrior to Civilian

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to John Lawyer, a military veteran who experienced a profound midlife transition. John talks about his journey from serving in combat zones for more than a decade to coming home and feeling stuck and disconnected. He discusses the challenges of reintegrating into civilian life and the toll that war took on his mental health. John also talks about his spiritual awakening and the importance of letting go and being open to the Universe. A middle-of-the-night moment of clarity when he was 40 helped him understand his purpose for the next phase of his life. He shares his passion for helping others on their own spiritual paths and discusses the nonprofit spiritual community he co-founded called Kishar. 

    If you enjoyed this episode, I’d be honored if you would rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Guest Resources

    Find John on Facebook 

    Find John on Instagram

    John’s offer for Forty Drinks listeners: Join the Kishar Online Spiritual Community OR get one-on-one Spiritual Guidance / Coaching

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

    Listen, Rate & Subscribe

    Apple Podcasts 

    Spotify

    Amazon Podcasts

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    Sponsor

    The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications

  • Welcome to Season 5 of the Forty Drinks Podcast. I’m kicking off the season with an exploration of transition versus change, which are entirely different things according to William Bridges, PhD in his best-selling book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes. 

    Transition vs. Change: Navigating the Midlife Transition

    Stephanie McLaughlin kicks off season five of the Forty Drinks Podcast by exploring the concept of transition versus change, inspired by the best-selling book by William Bridges, PhD, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes.  

    The way William Bridges presents the two concepts, they are not the same thing at all. These two words are not interchangeable. A change, he says, is situational and external. It could be starting or leaving a job or relationship, having a baby, moving to a new place, the death of a parent, getting married or divorced, starting or buying a business, leaving the military, changing career, your kid going off to college. All these are CHANGES. 

    A transition is psychological and internal. It is the reorientation or redefinition of the self that you go through in order to incorporate these changes into your life. Unless this transition happens, he says, change doesn’t work. 

    Further, transition, as Bridges presents it, is a three stage process. First, there is an ending. Then there is a neutral zone. Then, there is a new beginning. He describes the subject of the book as: “the difficult process of letting go of an old situation, of suffering the confusing nowhere of inbetweenness, and of launching forth again in a new situation.”

    These concepts, and more from the book, will provide a framework for the midlife transition that we’ll go back to throughout the season.

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick  

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  • Stephanie Rose checked off a huge number of major life events in her early 30s, in a bit of a whirlwind fashion. She met and married her husband, bought her first home, gave birth two her two kids, and experienced the death of her mom. Then, at 39, she started a business and realized she didn’t really have a frame of reference for who she was any more and felt like she needed to get to know herself better. So she used exercises from Julia Cameron’s The Artists’ Way and then developed some of her own. Using these tools, Stephanie is reframing things from her past. Looking at harder moments and realizing she did the best she could with the tools and capacity at her disposal at that time.

    Guest Bio 

    Stephanie Rose empowers women to remember their magic through knowing themselves better and live a life that lights them up through mindset shifts, easy to try tips and giving themselves the permission they only think they need to change their lives. She shares ways to find the time to do more of what you love and reframe the way you live your life on her blog at FireflyScout.com and on Instagram and LinkedIn @FireflyScout.

    Turning 40 and Rewriting My Story

    Stephanie Rose is a woman on a mission to help others know themselves better, believe in themselves, and take aligned action towards living a life that lights them up. In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie shares her journey of self-discovery and transformation in her 30s and 40s. She checked off a lot of the “adult boxes” in a very short period: mariage, house, babies, death of a parent, starting a business. Then she realized she really didn’t know who she was anymore. 

    From moving around as a child to finding her footing in Michigan, Stephanie reflects on the impact of her experiences and the importance of finding her true self. She discusses the significance of embracing her quirks and celebrating her own uniqueness. Stephanie also talks about the decision to leave her corporate job and pursue her passion for helping others, and how she navigates the challenges and fears that come with following her purpose. Tune in to this inspiring episode to learn how Stephanie has embraced her optimism and is empowering others to live their best lives.

    Highlights from the episode:

    Stephanie's experience of moving around as a child and the impact it had on her sense of self.The power of journaling and morning pages in uncovering thoughts and feelings.Embracing quirks and celebrating uniqueness as part of self-discovery.The decision to leave a corporate job and pursue a passion for helping others.Navigating challenges and fears while following one's purpose.

    If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast to stay up to date with future episodes.

    Guest Resources

     "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron

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    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick

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  • Vince Kramer ignored three major wake up calls in his 40s, before the Universe - or whatever you prefer to call it - finally got his attention. First, he narrowly missed piloting one of the United flights on 9/11. Then, he experienced a major financial setback due to United Airlines declaring bankruptcy. And, finally, his marriage ended and he realized he needed to stop ignoring these signs and figure out what was missing in his life. That’s when his journey of self discovery really began.

    Guest Bio 

    An airline pilot, military veteran, transformational trainer and mentor, and Clear Conscious Channel, Vince Kramer brings a unique experience to the world of transformation and purpose-driven growth. His past experience in a stereotypically “macho” field brings a more integrated perspective to the softer field of personal growth not often seen. 

    As a speaker, teacher, guide and best-selling author of “Awakening Through Moments of Choice” with his wife and business partner Mary, Vince’s distinct combination of experience, education and research helps him develop powerful talks, workshops and online training in finding happiness and success by living life by their design.

    A co-founder of Imagine Miracles, he passionately believes everyone is unique and the creator of their own life. It is his desire to inspire and empower men, women, organizations and families to find success and happiness by designing and creating a life fueled by their desires.

    Turning 40 and Touched by an Angel

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie sits down with Vince Kramer, a former airline pilot who ignored three major wake up calls in his 40s, before the Universe - or whatever you prefer to call it - finally got his attention. Vince shares his powerful midlife transformation journey, which began with a wake-up call on September 11th, 2001. He recounts how this event, along with personal experiences, led him to question his life's purpose and seek a different path. Vince discusses how he discovered his true purpose and the importance of living life on our own terms. He also delves into the connection between science and spirituality and how they can work together to help individuals find their purpose. Throughout the conversation, Vince emphasizes the importance of listening to the calling within and being open to new possibilities. 

    Episode highlights: 

    Vince's first wake-up call came on September 11th, 2001, when he narrowly missed piloting the flight that crashed in Pennsylvania. The event made Vince realize he wanted to live his life differently and pursue happiness while still achieving his goals.Vince initially fell back into his old habits and focused on financial security, but eventually realized he was missing something more meaningful.Vince's second wake-up call came when he experienced a major financial setback due to United Airlines declaring bankruptcy.Vince's third wake-up call came when his marriage ended and he realized he needed to find what was missing in his life.Vince's fourth wake-up call - this time a positive one! - came when he met his current wife, Mary, who introduced him to spirituality and helped him discover his purpose.Vince started receiving messages and guidance at night, which led him to channeling and a deeper understanding of purpose.Vince emphasizes the importance of being open to new possibilities and listening to the calling within to find one's purpose.

    If you enjoyed this episode, please consider sharing it with a friend, or rating the podcast on your podcast listening app. 

    Guest Resources

    Vince is offering 10 FREE Breakthrough Sessions to Forty Drinks listeners. Book yours here. 

    Vince and...

  • Susie Castellanos Hansley is a first-generation Mexican American who was raised by her grandmother from the age of two after her mother died, along with her siblings and cousins. Susie found school was a refuge and something she was good at. She followed the school path straight through a Ph.D. and postdoctoral studies only to find that teaching didn’t suit her, which led to years of trying to find the right professional fit. She equated her value as a person with her ability to earn an income, so these years of wandering left her in a deep depression. It wasn’t until her late 40s that she realized that her childhood trauma was affecting her personally and professionally.

    Guest Bio 

    Susie Castellanos Hansley, Ph.D. is a speaker, workshop leader, and Master Certified Life Coach who helps high achievers reduce stress and achieve more success. She does this through one-on-one coaching as well as through speaking and workshop engagements for businesses, organizations, universities, and other groups.

    As a high achiever herself - she’s a first-generation Mexican American, first in her family to go to college, earned an Ivy League Ph.D., and was a tenure-track professor - Susie had the drive, curiosity, and intelligence to be successful. But her anxiety, unresolved trauma, and imposter syndrome caused her to push herself too hard – and she burned out.

    This experience led her on a quest: to help herself and other high achievers NEVER be undermined by stress again. When Susie learned about recent developments in NEUROSCIENCE and nervous system regulation, she had a EUREKA moment: “My stress, overwhelm, and imposter syndrome aren’t signs something is ‘wrong’ with me - I just hadn't learned HOW to work WITH my nervous system!”

    Now that Susie knows how to REGULATE her nervous system and DE-STRESS, she helps other high achievers do the same - so they can achieve their goals while feeling GREAT doing it.

    Susie’s clients go from anxious and stressed to confident, certain, and calm – which allows them to stop wasting emotional energy and become more productive, accomplished, and fulfilled in their work, relationships, and lives. 

    Turning 40 and Healing First Generation Wounds

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin talks to Susie Castellanos Hansley, a first-generation Mexican American who was raised by her grandmother from the age of two, along with her siblings and cousins, after her mother died. Susie didn’t understand how her childhood trauma was affecting her personally and professionally until the Covid lockdown. She was using the Clubhouse app to connect with other people and entered a room on anxiety that blew her mind. She asked, “Is it possible for you to have anxiety and not know you have anxiety?” She found out it was. That led her to uncover the trauma of growing up in poverty with an abuela who had her own unhealed traumas. Susie shares her journey of navigating various career paths, dealing with trauma and anxiety, and finding her passion in coaching. She discusses the importance of understanding the nervous system and how trauma can impact our lives. Susie also emphasizes the power of having a compassionate witness and finding your “pack” of supportive individuals. 

    Highlights from the episode:

    Susie's journey of academic achievement and trying many different careers, plus her feelings of failure that led to a 15-year midlife slump.Confusing her value as a person with her ability to make money. The realization that she had trauma and anxiety and the importance of finding a compassionate witness.Discovering the power of the nervous system in healing trauma and understanding triggers.The role of shame in suppressing emotions and the importance of un-shaming ourselves.Finding your “pack” of supportive individuals who can be compassionate...
  • Birgitta Visser kept making the same mistake over and over again in her romantic relationships. She had an acute case of what she called “doormat syndrome,” which meant she didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but that meant she would compromise well beyond what was reasonable in her relationships. That left her “walking in her own shadow,” neglecting her own feelings and needs until she was the one who got hurt. The roots of this behavior lay in childhood experiences of abuse and loss and a lifelong lack of confidence in herself. It wasn’t until hitting rock bottom for the second time at 42 that she started to figure out how to love herself.

    Guest Bio

    Birgitta Visser is Soul Empowerment Coach, Divine Channel and Light Language Healer, Speaker and Author of the book BE-com-ing Authentically Me, delivering messages from the many Light BEings, and Master Teachers to the aid of humanity. Her life path has been anything but conventional, but Birgitta's story serves as a beacon of hope and inspiration to others.

    She says, "There is nothing that cannot be overcome, for what we think, we create and thus manifest within our own lives. To heal ourselves, we must first learn to love ourselves. If we cannot love ourselves, how can we ever heal ourselves, embracing the wholesome, loving nature that represents our truest self? At any given moment, we have the power to change, to heal and to overcome.”

    She hopes that people will awaken to what life is all about, and is simply here to offer her words as food for thought in unlocking their own potential to BE-com-ing authentically themselves.

    Turning 40 and Stop Making the Same Mistake

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin interviews Birgitta Visser, a woman who has experienced a lifetime of trauma and transformation. Birgitta shares her story of abuse, loss, addiction, and healing, and how she has learned to cultivate joy and find happiness in her own life. From her early experiences in the modeling industry to her tumultuous romantic relationships, Birgitta faced many challenges but has come out stronger and more resilient. Through holistic healing modalities, Birgitta found a path to self-discovery and self-love. Despite the hardships she weathered, Birgitta remains optimistic and grateful for her experiences, recognizing that they have shaped her into the person she is today. 

    Highlights from the episode include: 

    Birgitta's experiences in the modeling industry and her struggles with confidence.How the loss of her stepfather sent her spiraling into a period of drug use and bad decisions. Two separate rock bottom experiences, at 35 and 42, both the result of toxic romantic relationships. How she received a death threat from the Dutch version of The Crips gang.Her journey of holistic healing and self-discovery, and her newfound sense of happiness and fulfillment. 

    Birgitta's story serves as an inspiration for anyone who has faced trauma or hardship and is seeking a path to healing and personal growth. It’s a testament to the power of resilience and self-love in overcoming life's challenges. If you enjoyed this episode, please consider rating the podcast and sharing this episode with a friend! 

    After listening to the episode, you might be wondering how can I learn to love myself?

    Learning to love yourself can be daunting, especially if you have strong negative self-talk running in your head all the time. If you're constantly putting yourself down, it's hard to find yourself lovable. In one of my reflections episodes, I described an exercise for combatting negative self-talk.

    Once you get a handle on that negative energy clouding your perception of yourself, you can begin

  • As mother-daughter relationships go, Renee says hers with her mom was pretty good, but she never felt like she had permission to be herself. When she was a girl and her mom would make a dress, she’d make a smaller one in the same style and pattern for Renee. Her mom liked bright colors and patterns and Renee would have preferred more unobtrusive clothes. Renee wanted to fit in but her mom wanted her to stand out. Renee says she often thought the first line of a book on her life would be :  "When I turned 40, I lost my mother and began to find myself."

    Guest Bio 

    After 40 years on a diet, yo-yoing up and down the scale, Renée Jones had learned every diet – and every cheat – before finally stopping the comfort and stress eating to shed “those last 30 pounds” yet AGAIN in 2012 but this time, she has maintained at her goal weight. Now as a professional speaker and coach, she helps others overcome their self-sabotage to shed their weight AND keep it off.

    Renée has a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Counseling, a Clinical Residency, and training in contemporary methods of transformation. Her book is What’s Really Eating You: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating

    Turning 40 and Facing your Stuff so you Don't have to Stuff Your Face 

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie talks to Renee Jones, a coach and former hospital chaplain, about her midlife transformation. Renee shares her journey of self-discovery after the loss of her mother, which led her to break out of the mold she had formed in and embrace her true self. She shares her experience with emotional eating and how she broke the cycle. Renee emphasizes the importance of facing your fears and finding ways to get what you need in a healthy way. Throughout the conversation, she offers insights and advice on healing the heart and living a bigger life. Don't miss this inspiring episode filled with wisdom and self-reflection.

    Highlights from the episode:

    Renee's experience of losing her mother and the impact it had on her life.How Renee found the freedom to be herself and explore new possibilities after her mother's passing.The role of coaching in Renee's personal growth and transformation.The connection between emotional eating and finding alternative ways to fulfill emotional needs.Renee's journey as a coach and speaker, helping others heal their hearts and live their best lives.

    If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Guest Resources

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    What’s Really Eating You?: Overcome the Triggers of Comfort Eating, by Renee Jones

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick  

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  • Jo Ann Fawcett was heavily influenced as a child by the image of the happy family from the TV show Leave it to Beaver, which left her with some - perhaps unreasonable - ideas of what a marriage should look like, but her upbringing left her without the tools to build a successful one. Jo Ann was married seven times and experienced abuse, divorce, and death of her spouse. Her last marriage, to an inmate, lasted 20 years. Now, she’s sharing her hard-earned lessons with the next generation, the most important being: you are enough.

    Guest Bio 

    Jo Ann Fawcett is a native Californian now living in Portland OR. She has a thriving bookkeeping practice called Jo Ann Richards Bookkeeping. She is the mother of a grown daughter and proud grandmother of three. Jo Ann dramatically changed her life after seven marriages that included abuse, divorce, death, and being a prison wife. She left the Mormon Church after 30 years and never looked back. She found her strengths, gifts, and inner power, learning that dreams do come true. Midlife Magic, a memoir, is her first book. She is currently writing a second book, The Prince Was Wrong. Jo Ann welcomes opportunities to share her story with audiences that serve women feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and ‘stuck’ in their relationships.

    Turning 40 and Marrying an Inmate

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Jo Ann Fawcett, a woman who had multiple marriages including a long-term relationship with a partner in prison. Jo Ann shares her journey of growing up with the idealized image of a happy family from the 1950s, influenced by shows like "Leave It To Beaver," and how that influenced her life choices. She discusses her experiences with codependency, marrying multiple times, and the challenges she faced in her relationships. Jo Ann also talks about her personal growth journey, therapy, and the importance of taking care of oneself. She offers advice to her younger self and shares the wisdom she has gained as a wise woman in her 60s.

    Highlights from the episode include:

    The impact of idealized images of family from the 1950s on Jo Ann's early life choices and expectations.Jo Ann's experiences with codependency and the challenges she faced in her relationships, including an abusive marriage.The decision to marry a man in prison and the lessons she learned from that relationship.The importance of self-care and knowing one's own worth.Jo Ann's advice to her younger self, including the importance of being employable, saving for retirement, and embracing one's own identity.

    Check out this episode to hear Jo Ann’s advice to her younger self and other young people from her perspective and her hard-won experience. And, if you enjoy this episode, please rate, follow, and review the podcast.

    Guest Resources

    Jo Ann’s book Midlife Magic

    Connect with Jo Ann on Facebook 

    Connect with Jo Ann on Instagram

    As mentioned: Steph’s appearance on Old Chicks Know Shit: 

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    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this insidious midlife malaise. www.fortydrinks.com/ick 

  • Dana Diaz was born to a teenage mother who didn’t want her and grew up with a stepfather who was verbally and physically abusive. She left home as soon as she was legally able to and swore that nobody would ever treat her like that again. When she was 19, Dana met a man she didn’t like very much but she was lonely and starved for attention - and he was from a Leave it to Beaver kind of family. She fell in love with his family and assumed that his behaviors were due to being young and immature. Within a month of their first date Dana had moved in; five years later they got married and two and a half years later they had a son. Dana was 27 and that’s when things really started getting bad.

    Guest Bio 

    Dana S. Diaz is a wife, mother, and author of the best-selling book GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE. Dana has had life-long experience with narcissistic abuse, beginning in childhood. Her education in journalism and psychology at DePaul University in Chicago gave her the ability to accurately verbalize and express how narcissistic abuse creates confusion and conflict within victims, so that she can help other victims know they are not alone and better understand their own circumstances.

    Today, Dana is a proud voice for fellow victims who are unable, afraid, or ashamed to share their experiences. She strives to create awareness and understanding to ensure victims are given the support they need to first understand their situation and then begin the healing process. Her first book, chronicling her own abusive marriage that lasted nearly three decades, started as a journal that she hid under the couch cushion in the basement.

    Dana lives with her husband in Illinois and is in the process of publishing the prequel and sequel to GASPING FOR AIR.

    Turning 40 and Surviving an Abusive Marriage

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Dana Diaz, the survivor of an abusive relationship. Dana shares her harrowing story of living with an abusive husband for 25 years and the toll it took on her physical and mental health. She discusses the financial, emotional, and physical abuse she endured and the isolation she experienced. Despite the challenges, Dana found the strength to leave her abusive marriage and rebuild her life. She talks about the importance of self-care and surrounding herself with positive influences. Dana also reflects on the impact the abuse had on her son and her hopes for his future. This powerful episode highlights the importance of recognizing and escaping abusive relationships and finding healing and happiness in midlife.

    Highlights from the episode:

    Dana's experience of financial, emotional, and physical abuse in her 25-year marriage.The impact of her husband's controlling behavior and isolation on her mental health.The role of self-care in Dana's healing process and finding her own happiness.The concern for her son and the hope that he will break the cycle of abuse.The importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences and supportive relationships.

    In this powerful episode, Dana shares her journey from surviving abuse to finding healing and happiness. Her story serves as a reminder of the strength and resilience of survivors and the importance of breaking the cycle of abuse. If you enjoyed this episode, please rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Why are abusive relationships hard to leave?

    Nobody sets out to enter an abusive relationship but once we realize how bad things have become it’s hard to find a way out. This is because abusive relationships are about power and control - the abuser wants all of it. Behaviors that may seem chivalrous or caring become controlling. Behaviors that start out seeming immature calcify and bloom into violence. By the time we realize how far things have gone, we feel shame about letting...

  • Though he knows he came to the understanding late in life, Paul Zolman realized at age 35 that he was responsible for his own actions. He had residual anger from being abused as a child and he blamed his father even though the man had been dead for 7 years already. His initial approach to solving his problems came from a negative perspective, “I don’t want to be angry” instead of focusing on what he did want.  He says double negatives only work in math, not in relationships. He found that focusing on the negative only amplified the problem and his anger ultimately caused the demise of his first marriage.

    Guest Bio 

    The author of love is God. In His wisdom, He placed us in a variety of circumstances that require us to find our way back to His pure love. So, what qualifies Paul Zolman to speak about love? His childhood experience is the opposite of love. From an austere beginning, and the distaste it formed inside him, he searched for and eventually created a method that transformed his life from anger to loving everyone. Growing up in a family of abuse, physical touch became his preferred love style, only because of the regularity. He could almost count on it. It was consistent. He came to think that was the way to express love. But deep inside, he knew that was a twisted belief. He wanted a better life for himself, which is why he created a paradigm shift that works. Learn what helped Paul Zolman move from a childhood boot camp of abuse to being a person who loves everyone and can find good about anyone in any circumstance. This is truly the role of love.

    Turning 40 and Taking Responsibility for My Actions

    In this episode of the Forty Drinks Podcast, Stephanie interviews Paul Zolman, who shares his midlife journey from anger to love. Paul grew up in a household filled with anger and abuse, which led to him carrying that anger into his own adult life. It wasn't until he reached the age of 35 that he realized he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father for his social awkwardness and anger issues. Paul tells the story of reporting himself for child abuse and attending anger management classes, which led to him developing a dice with the five love languages to shift his focus from anger to love. Through this transformation, Paul was able to improve his relationships, communicate better with his children, and find forgiveness for his parents. This episode is a powerful exploration of personal growth and the power of choosing love over anger. 

    Highlights from the episode:

    Paul's realization at age 35 that he needed to take responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming his father.The negative approach Paul initially took to try to overcome his anger, and how he shifted to a more positive and loving mindset.Paul's experiences with destination dating and how he eventually found love through a connection made by his sister.The impact of Paul's anger on his first marriage and the importance of communication and love in relationships.The creation of the dice with the five love languages and how it helped Paul shift his focus from anger to love.

    If you enjoyed this episode, don't forget to rate, follow, and review the Forty Drinks Podcast.

    Guest Resources

    The Role of Love, bundle package (book, journal & cube) for only $29.99

    Find Paul on Facebook

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    The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

    Do you have the Midlife Ick? 

    Download Stephanie’s guide to the Ick to diagnose whether you or someone you love is suffering from this...