Avsnitt
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We're not entirely sure what it says about us or him, but we love a concussed Luke Skywalker. 🤷🏻♀️ If you thought the trauma of needing his bones replaced in Truce at Bakura was bad, wait til you get a load of this Luke: he's got migraines, he's got collapsing lungs, he's taken an axe to his Achilles...and somehow he's still exploring an enormous spaceship, hanging out with 3PO, and refusing to swear. Meanwhile, Leia Organa Solo manages to go on a hiking tour of a multi-biome planet, slum it up in a row of dive bars, and plan a visit to the archives all in one day because she's the somehow unrecognizable and also most famous girl boss in the entire galaxy.
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Sometimes, you simply cannot get through five chapters of a Star Wars because there is TOO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT. A cover that gives Luke Skywalker an insane glow-up (and a normal haircut for once), and shows the Falcon at her best (flying off into a romantic sunset). A book that's unafraid to begin with the number one scourge of the 90s (ACID RAIN) and takes us to worlds where New Republican citizens are building beautiful solar punk futures and also partying hard. A love so true there ain't no mountain high enough (or valley uncanny enough) to keep 'em apart. Not to mention Luke Skywalker having a scary/sad dream about the distinctive sound of Aunt Beru's yoghurt maker in the middle of the night. Oh, and evil has awakened somewhere out in the galaxy, blah blah blah. You know the drill: a Skywalker's gotta stop it.
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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Our intrepid hosts finish this best-selling book! Before we dive into the action, we undertake a wide ranging investigation into Corran Horn's height, and whether or not he qualifies not only as Best Boy, but also Short King. Then it's back to Black(moon), baby, for a rollercoaster of emotion as Wedge does what Wedge does best and Corran hides in a cave contemplating his rapidly approaching death. Luckily, Mirax and Tycho swoop in for a last minute rescue/shoot out/bake off/prank on Wedge. And we learn the secret of Emtrey's scrounge capabilities thanks to a well researched Han Mail. Small spoiler for the next X-Wing book, which we'll likely return to in the future. It's been a fun ride!
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How come they always read like fan fic except in the ways you want them to?! These chapters are full of horniness and a big ol' flirt triangle...but have absolutely no making out whatsoever for incredibly convoluted reasons we just can't parse. Wedge (aka "Veggie") leads most of the gang back to Blackmoon (except for Erisi who is pining for Corran and Ooryl who is pining for an arm). Mirax uncovers Emtrey's wildly complicated insider trading scheme involving Alderaanian pork bellies and super hot super baddie Ysanne Isard forces Kirtan Loor into the worst workplace punishment imaginable: a group project.
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We could call this Ch. 26-30 of Rogue Squadron but it's maybe more accurate to say we're diving in to How To Blow Up A Pipeline by Horton Salm? Rogue Squadron et al. get their shit rocked at Blackmoon thanks to Bothan overconfidence. Corran dreams of making out with Erisi in a Windows '95 desktop image. Just as he's on his way to getting well and truly drunk with a new commando friend, Emtrey and Whistler team up in a rare double scrounge that could change the fate of the New Republic. Kirtan Loor gets dusty. Wedge does his best as a matchmaker. Plus, we annouce our next book (picked in an authentically New Republic fashion that's democratic if you squint really, really hard)!
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Corran Horn pulls off a bonkers maneuver that saves the whole Squadron — and also gets him accused of Lite Treason (TM) / confined to his quarters. The rest of the crew feels sorry for him, but not so sorry that they refrain from either making out with each other in said quarters...or trying to make out with him due to battle victory horniness. Mirax is the only person who knows that the way to a true Corellian Man's heart is through cake. (Also: is Corellia called "COREllia" because it's in the Core? Because if so.......don't tell me, it'll just make me mad.)
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Buckle up as our hosts follow Rogue Squadron into combat once more! First, there's some very fancy flying, followed by much unfancy drinking out of what one can only assume are space Solo cups (is Han Solo secret heir to a cup fortune? Is this where the $ for his teen swoop racing career came from?). The drinking leads to some extremely complex emotional math over who is the squad's Best Boy and who is Chump of the Week. But all Best Boy math is on the back burner as Kirtan Loor pinpoints the location of the Rogues' base with his own math based investigation. Corran and Ooryl race to prevent a late night massacre. And Admiral Ackbar once again begs his officers to take a nap.
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Our intrepid hosts survive their first space battle alongside Corran Horn (with heavy assist from patrons who explained how gravity actually works). Wedge engages in a battle of bureaucracy and gets his ass handed to him. We learn more about Ysanne "Iceheart" Isard's background and her mysterious ability to be both middle aged and attractive AT THE SAME TIME. And speaking of attractive women, Corran struggles with the paradox that a certain smuggler can be a criminal and also a tall drink of water. Also also (through the law of plot devices, subsection "Corellia," paragraph "everyone in this galaxy knows each other"), they can be his CO's childhood bff. Emtrey finally lets loose. And New Republic procurement stands firm in the face of at least one X-wing pilot who uses government maintenance to repair their privately owned spacecraft.
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Okay so you know how we've talked before about the lack of sex in Star Wars...well, that doesn't mean that there's a total lack of intimacy, as evidenced by Wedge Antilles' VERY HOT, VERY PUBLIC relationship with his X-Wing. A lot of stuff happens in these chapters (solid legal counsel, team bonding, Han Solo hot goss, a terrifying journey through the Coruscant atmosphere...). But nothing etches itself in the brain like Wedge stroking the cockpit of his spaceship and making sure that everyone can see him do it.
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WEDGE WATCH!
By super popular demand, it's time to embark on our epic one-book* foray into the X-Wing Series with Rogue Squadron by Michael A. Stackpole. Right away, we've got a simulated space battle (because of course), some highly questionable military decision-making (slash: war crimes), and a bad guy who fancies himself a taller, hotter Grand Moff Tarkin (impossible). Much like that "Gimble" Darklighter kid, or whatever his name is, the book already has heart. (Unlike Gimble, this book is old enough to rent a car.)
PLUS: check us out on the TrekWars pod where we join their crew in debating which is better: "We Don't Do Weddings" from Tales from the Mos Eisley Cantina or "Bar Association" from Deep Space 9.
*for now! -
Coming at you with a quick palate cleanser between Shadows of the Empire and Rogue Squadron — and a kind of literal one, too, since one of these stories involves the madcap adventures of Jabba's classically-trained chef as he tries to clear his name in the wake of a slew of murders-by-beignet. We've also got a story from a Canadian-American husband and wife writing team that maybe delves a little too greedily and too deep into the question of whether droids can feel pain. And yes, of course, we got that Mara Jade — who maybe should've spent more time scheming and less time rehearsing for her dance audition.
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In the final chapters of this saga, a book that started off at a jewelry-making retreat before taking a hard left into sexual assault finally resolves in full-out slapstick comedy. Our heroes trek through a sewer and douse themselves in literal shit. Chewie, bless his heart, goes sprawling in the middle of an ambush following a Looney Tunes-style slip n' slide. And best of all: everyone's favorite droid odd couple pilot the f**king Millennium Falcon. Is this a massive cover-up for the fact that the gang essentially pulls off a Coruscant-based 9/11? (Yes.) Meanwhile, Darth Vader has the kind of phenomenal day that comes around once a century: where your one-liners land every time and your boss finally recognizes all that overtime you've been putting in.
Now....who could use a strong dose of Mara Jade? -
We're back, baby! What's going on again? Ah, yes: Xizor's recovering from getting kicked in the balls by eating some rare and exotic fruit. No sooner do Luke and Lando park the Falcon in Coruscant’s famed frozen shrimps district than they are joined somewhat inexplicably by Dash Rendar. Leia brushes off her old gymnastics routine. Vader painstakingly assembles a PowerPoint (whyxizorsucks.final.FINAL.pptx) for the Emperor. And we are cruelly cheated of the Lando Calrissian shopping montage we both need and deserve.
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Hey, all! We'll be back from an unanticipated break with the last two episodes of Shadows soon. But we wanted to let you know that our patrons have selected our next book: we'll be diving into Michael A. Stackpole's Rogue Squadron, the first X-Wing novel (as soon as we wrap things up with Xizor and co., that is). If you want to read along, you'll have a few few weeks to track down a copy from your bookseller or library of choice.
As always, if you'd like a voice in future book selections, head on over to our Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod
For $7/month, you'll get new episodes early, have a vote on future books, and have access to our ongoing group chats for each book. -
We know some of our listeners are reading along with your kids, so a content warning: these chapters includes discussion of an extended sexual assault scene that’s probably not appropriate for younger listeners (and maybe not a choice for all adults, either).
Before we dive in, Kelly reports back from the 25th anniversary screening of The Phantom Menace (spoiler alert: it’s still not great, but we forgot all about Darth Maul’s sick Lime scooter and the guy that yells about sports).
Leia finally comes face-to-face with Xizor and initially likes what she sees before realizing something is very, very wrong. Luke and Lando take an extended road trip in the Falcon. Artoo and Threepio finally get a chance to catch up. Chewie and his terrible haircut escape Black Sun. And Vader feels sure he can avoid the pitfalls of the Dark Side (he’s just built different, duh). -
Did something finally happen in these chapters or do Kelly and Emily just have space Stockholm syndrome?? The action is finally picking up: Xizor contemplates creating some deepfake nudes of Leia and then trims his bonsai (not a metaphor). Vader gets real mad his boss sent him to pick up his son from jail. Threepio commits a felony with a cheerful wink. Guri shows off her pottery skills. Leia hits the strip mall on Coruscant before her business meeting with Xizor. Some (perhaps many) more Bothans die to bring us this information. And just as on Myrkr, Luke truly thrives in captivity.
Also - if you went to watch the prequels on the big screen, tell us all about it! -
Vader and Xizor ratchet up their game of mutual spying and lying. Leia waits around a casino until Guri’s busy schedule of murdering unruly Black Sun associates clears up. Luke and Dash intercept a message from a Bothan spy who may or may not be just a human guy (?) and end up hijacking a load of literal bullshit. And we are left asking what a Twi’lek dye job might entail.
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Some things happen in these chapters! Vader stares down a midlife crisis, wondering why being an all-powerful middle manager is not sparking more joy. Xizor and Vader engage in a battle of wits both IRL and over Zoom. Our hosts wonder if schemes are indeed like plants. We find out the basis of the Emperor and Xizor’s friendship (competing over weird rich guy shit and murdering skilled tradespeople). Lando uses the power of spreadsheets and charisma to advance the plot and win a ton of credits. Luke is exiled on Tatooine and manages to build a lightsaber that doesn’t explode with all his free time. And Dash Rendar may be able to fly, but he can’t outrun his own cringe.
And as always, we want to hear from you! Drop us a line over at the Han Mail, or come find us in the "book of the month club" chat over at Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod -
We start off with some very important Han Mail as we defend the honor of a woman who definitely did NOT write us a nuanced and thorough review on Audible. And after a digression into the net worth of two of literature's greatest manic pixie dream bosses (Talon Karrde and Mr. Darcy), we dive into Shadows again. We get some insight into our villains as they both take some time for self care: Vader spends the day in the med spa getting incandescently angry at Obi-Wan and his own lungs, and Xizor grabs a spontaneous dinner after his sex/murder droid dumps his mistress. Meanwhile, the gang heads off to try and steal Han back from Boba Fett before he can get to Tatooine. Wedge Antilles does all the work and pays his taxes on time while Han Solo stand-in Dash Rendar does all of the quips. A Mara Jade knock-off tries and fails to kill Luke. And we are left asking for justice for Lando, who is *clearly* the best home cook in the EU.
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We are finally diving into Shadows of the Empire, by which we mean Lucasfilm's Death Star sized 90's marketing machine. For this is no mere book: it is a weird conglomerate of a novel, several comic books, a video game, collectable figurines, an original soundtrack (!) and probably something else we missed.
Before we dive into the book itself, Kelly reports back on the first level of the N64 game. We also learn a little about the process of writing it, and the unbelievably specific inspiration for Shadow's sexy villain, Prince Xizor.
Ok, now for the actual book! We flash between flashbacks of Empire Strikes Back, incredibly bitchy Imperial brunches, Leia hanging out in a dive bar, and Luke's post breakdown residency in Sedona (complete with circus training and jewelry making). Plus, we confront the eternal questions of the EU: how many people know Vader and Luke are related, and when will the rebellion finally court martial a man who has spent most of his time in army stealing equipment and going on vacation?
Most of our fun facts on the processes of making Shadows came from Stephen Harber's article How Shadows of the Empire Became A Gritty 90s Epic. It's full of great tidbits and also SPOILERS for a thirty year old book most of us have already read.
And we have a whole new book chat for Shadows over at our Patreon, stop on by: https://www.patreon.com/DelusionsofGrandeurPod - Visa fler