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4 STEPS TO FREEDOM FROM GUILT AND SHAME
How can we tell if what we’re facing is true conviction from God or condemnation from the enemy (or from our own selves)?
And ultimately, how can we remove the heaviness and guilt inside that results from our bad choices?
Here are four simple steps to take.
Step 1: Ask God to help you clarify where the guilt and shame is coming from.
We serve a good, good God who wants to help us untangle our often confusing emotions.
Go to quiet place and take a few minutes to talk to God about all of it—your anger, your sadness, your guilt—through prayer and examination of various Bible passages (many people call this a quiet time, and you can learn how to have a quiet time with God here).
Don’t rush this process. Just read, share your heart with Him and listen. It’s OK if you need to spend several times alone with Him before you get clear answers about what’s going on.
Remember that God is on our side (always!) and wants to help you sort through all you’re feeling. He wants to give you the healing you’re seeking. Expect his help and his answer.
Step 2: Separate the conviction from the condemnation.
During these moments, God may show you that your feelings of guilt and shame are a complicated mix of both conviction and condemnation (this is often true for me, especially if I’ve allowed the emotions to fester for a while).
That’s fine and that’s normal. Be gentle with yourself as you separate out conviction from condemnation. Sometimes I even make a list of convictions and condemnations so that I can really see on paper what’s going on.
Step 3: Learn from the conviction and restate the condemnation.
Remember that God can use the feelings of guilt and shame for a good purpose. What healthy things is God trying to share with you (conviction)? How is God trying to direct you back on the good path? Ask for forgiveness and for His help in living out those truths.
Conversely, which emotions are flat out lies meant to destroy (condemnation)? Reword the negative, destructive thoughts into His life-affirming truths.
For example, recently I'd said some pretty awful things to my husband while we were in the middle of an intense “discussion” (read: an argument). God convicted me that I’d used my words to destroy instead of build up (Proverbs 12:18) (and yes, I needed to heed that warning and ask both God and my husband for forgiveness).
But I also heard terribly condemning thoughts like, “What an awful wife you are,” and “Your husband is going to leave you because you’re not good enough for him”. Those were not of God and I needed to call them out as lies.
Instead I restated them as these truths: “God uses my imperfections to demonstrate to others that He lives in me,” (2 Corinthians 4:7-12) and “As a daughter of God, I am no longer identified by my mistakes but I am completely redeemed and always ‘good enough’” (John 8:1-11).
Note: These aren’t “feel good” expressions but instead an affirmation of God’s truth supported by scripture. They are the thought patterns we need to cling to when condemnation strikes!
Step 4: Let go of the guilt and shame, and walk on.
Once God has revealed any conviction (and you’ve asked for forgiveness and help to live differently), and He’s shown you how to rework the condemnation into truth, you can walk in forgiveness and freedom!
Those thoughts of guilt and shame don’t have to plague you further! God’s word says that when He sets us free, we are free indeed (Gal 5:1, Isaiah 42:6-7, Hosea 14:4, John 8:32-36)!
Just like that woman caught in adultery who saw no where to turn and no way out, God is there reaching out, ready to listen and to offer you guidance to the healing you need.
He's a good father that corrects his children in love, and who also shows them how to walk in that new path (and promises to be with them every step of the way).
I pray that you can prayerfully follow these steps so that you can move forward. -
Repentance can feel daunting at times. There are many voices telling us different things—the Spirit inviting us to change and repent, Satan professing that repentance isn’t possible, our own minds whispering that we are not enough. How can we know which messages originate from God and which ones are Lucifer’s? distinction between shame and guilt to be very helpful in making this judgment. When examined through a gospel lens, the shame-guilt framework organizes the key doctrinal principles of divine worth, agency, and repentance into a model that helps distinguish God’s voice from Satan’s lies.
“shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”1 Guilt is “a sense of remorse and the desire to make amends.”2 Shame is character-based (“I am a bad person”), whereas guilt is action-based (“I did a bad thing”).3 Shame leads you to want to shrink, hide, and disappear.4 Guilt identifies an action that you regret, prompting you to change for the future.5
Inherent Worth
Social science further elaborates that shame attacks your character, asserting that at your core you are worthless. Such lies often lead to self-loathing and condemn you to a lifetime of misery, forever believing you are unlovable and don’t belong anywhere.6 Feelings of guilt, on the other hand, do not attack your self-worth and generally do not include self-loathing. Instead, guilt reminds you that your actions are not in line with your values and identity. This realization often prompts you to change those actions and become better.7
Church doctrine is clear on how God wants us to feel. Our inherent worth as children of God means that we are never worthless, even when we have sinned.8 The Spirit’s voice will never encourage you to hate yourself, rather reminding you of your eternal worth as a child of God . -
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Second Corinthians 10:5 instructs us to take every thought captive into the obedience of Christ before it becomes a stronghold in our mind. In other words, we can choose what we are going to think and dwell on.
We can continue to fuel our angry emotions with wrong thoughts...or we can take a stand and, with God’s help, refuse to allow the situation to get out of control.
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