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Trigger warning: this episode discusses mental illness and suicidal ideation. If you need support and you’re in Australia, you can call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you’re outside Australia please look up the relevant free-call health services in your country.
There is also a minor language warning on this episode.
Today’s conversation is deeply personal. I share my own journey with mental health and particularly my diagnosis with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder at age 12, which so dramatically shaped the course of my life and set me on the path of spiritual seeking.
This is an on-ramp to discussing the limitations of our healthcare system and the biopsychosocial model of health. We also look at the nuances of victimhood mentality and the choices we can sometimes face: whether to identify as broken, weak and constricted - or whether to choose the path of power and personal responsibility.
We explore the concept of yin and yang, and the ways in which the darkest aspects of the self are usually twinned with the brightest - you can’t remove one without the other. This is a clarion call for self-intimacy, self-acceptance, and for standing fully in your truth.
We also look at the concept of post-traumatic growth and the upsides of experiencing adversity.
If this episode resonates, please rate and review wherever you get your podcasts, and/or share with a friend who you think might enjoy it. Thank you for listening!
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Matrescence is one of the greatest initiations we can go through as women, carrying us into a new relationship with our body, our power and our divinity. It’s also an invitation into deeper layers of self knowledge and growth. This episode unpacks the many gifts of parenthood, with learnings from different spiritual traditions, poetry and my own experiences as a mother.
I share my birth story and discuss this pattern many of us share as women, where we bond through victimhood and downplaying various aspects of our lives, rather than standing tall and proud. I argue for a more nuanced and expansive conversation around birth and motherhood where we hold space for each other to share the full spectrum of our experiences from the dark and traumatic, to the sacred and ecstatic.
We look at the impact of capitalism on motherhood and the ways in which most of the crises we are facing globally, are crises of leadership. Better parenting = better leaders… It really is the most important job.
Many different traditions teach that babies and children, in their unmasked innocence, are naturally close to God / source. Becoming a parent is an opportunity to step into this liminal space of presence, awe and unconditional love, alongside our wee ones.
Parenting is a huge physical and emotional stretch, constantly asking us to expand our capacity. We explore parenthood as a practice not unlike yoga, where we humbly face our own unhealed patterns, respond imperfectly to our children, fall off the path, and get back on again and again and again.
Finally we discuss the grief of parenting through divorce, and some practices to help navigate this often painful journey.
For more info please make sure you sign up to my newsletter at madeleineeliza.com where you’ll receive a free ebook and audio meditation. You can also keep in touch with me on Instagram @madeleine.eliza - and if you enjoyed this episode, please don’t forget to rate and review the show and share it with your friends. Thanks for listening!
References
Athan, A & Miller, L. 2013 Motherhood as Opportunity to Learn Spiritual Values: Experiences and Insights of New Mothers, Journal of Prenatal and Perinatal Psychology and Health 27(4), Summer 2013 https://apppahjournal.birthpsychology.com/wp-content/uploads/journal/published_paper/volume-27/issue-4/dt93wt9T.pdf
CalmBirth Antenatal Classes https://calmbirth.com.au/
Gibran, K. 1923 The Prophet, Knopf https://poets.org/poem/children-1
May, I. 2008 Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Vermilion
Taylor, S. 2011 The Path of the Parent: How Children Can Enrich Your Spiritual Life, Natural Health Magazine, March 2011
Wordsworth, W. 1807 Ode: Intimations of Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood, Poetry Foundation https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/45536/ode-intimations-of-immortality-from-recollections-of-early-childhood
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One of the unfortunate side effects of patriarchy is that many women have a wounded relationship with the masculine, and thus are unable to receive his gifts.
And the gifts are profound.
This episode is my love letter to the men of this world who are showing up, doing the work, and loving their women wide open.
We start by unravelling the knots and exploring why reclaiming the feminine does not mean discarding the masculine; why patriarchy and masculinity are not the same thing; how patriarchy wounds men as well as women (though not to the same extent); and why we need to watch out for reductive, dualistic models of thinking.
Feminist discourse tends to over-emphasise the distorted masculine and under-emphasise the distorted feminine. This is a companion episode to ‘The Hollow Queen: Victimhood & the Distorted Feminine’.
We discuss how we can embrace the gifts of healthy masculine expression within ourselves, and also in relationship with the men in our lives.
As women the most potent way we receive the gifts of the masculine is via sacred intimacy; when we are simultaneously pushed and held by our beloved, and allow ourselves to be cracked wide open and deeply known, and discover new capacities within ourselves along the way.
My free training The De-Armoured Leader expands on the themes of polarity and vulnerability discussed in this episode, and includes an infosheet on healthy vs distorted versions of masculine and feminine energy - you can access it at madeleineeliza.com/leader
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the episode please feel free to rate and review the show, and share it with a friend who might be interested in this topic.
References
Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2023 Estimating Homelessness: Census, https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/housing/estimating-homelessness-census/latest-release
Australian Institute of Family Studies, 2020 Mental health of Australian males: depression, suicidality and loneliness, https://aifs.gov.au/tentomen/insights-report/mental-health-australian-males-depression-suicidality-and-loneliness
Eisenstein, C. 2021 The True Story of the Sith, www.charleseisenstein.org
Mental Health Foundation, Men and Women: Statistics, https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/explore-mental-health/statistics/men-women-statistics
Saini, A. 2023 The Patriarchs: How Men Came to Rule, Fourth Estate
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We hear an awful lot about toxic masculinity, and even more about reclaiming the feminine, and somewhere along the way we’ve got the wires twisted and come to understand that masculinity = bad and femininity = good.
Of course, this is untrue.
Today’s episode unpacks key traits of the distorted feminine, using the archetype of the Hollow Queen, who experiences an inner sense of emptiness and seeks to fill herself up using external sources.
We layer this spiritual perspective with an understanding of the nervous system, polyvagal theory, the different states of hyperarousal and hypoarousal, the window of tolerance, and some common tools we use to artificially regulate ourselves.
The feminist movement is often directed outwards, at external system changes required to empower women. I argue that in addition to looking outwards, it’s essential we turn our attention inwards to address all the factors severing us from our own personal power. To embrace personal mastery rather than hiding out in victimhood.
Once we fully claim our own radiance and vitality we are sooo much better equipped to do the work out in the world that matters - because we’re no longer running on empty.
We finish by exploring traits of the healthy divine feminine, who instead of constantly looking outwards, is able to fill herself up from the inside out.
If you’d like to work deeper into this theme and start to unravel the blocks in your own brain-body system, you can download my free ebook, Hollow to Whole at www.madeleineeliza.com/whole
As always if you enjoy the show please rate, review and share with friends. Thank you!
References
Kain, K & Terrell, S. 2018
Nurturing Resilience: Helping Clients Move Forward from Developmental Trauma-An Integrative Somatic Approach,
North Atlantic
Porges, S. 2011, The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation, WW Norton & Co
Siegel, D. 1999, The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are, Guilford Publications -
This episode speaks to the longing many women feel that life was supposed to be more beautiful than this.
That perhaps this relationship or this job is not big enough for us, or not the right shape for us. We might yearn to express ourselves more fully, or to follow the whispered desires of our soul.
In this episode, we use story and mythology to explore the ways in which women become entrapped in lives that don’t quite fit, the danger and soul loss that can ensue, and how we can reckon with our own inner darkness and longings in order to break free.
Including my take on the Frozen franchise, which are the 2 highest grossing animated films of all time, and which are all about reclamation of the dark feminine in order to self-actualise!
We discuss the tantric perspective of soul loss vs our modern understanding of trauma and dissociation.
Self-actualisation is the pinnacle of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. He argued that only once our other more basic needs have been met, are we able to fulfil our potential and live our purpose. To step into our “dharma”, if you like. We explore this in some detail, and look at the traits of self-actualised people which includes having more peak experiences. We overlay this with a spiritual perspective, and the inner work of ‘wading through the muck’ which often has to be completed before we can step into bliss and transcendence.
To go deeper into some of these themes you can grab my free 10-page ebook “From Hollow to Whole: Healing the Distorted Feminine” at madeleineeliza.com/whole
References
Doyle, G. 2020 “Untamed”, The Dial Press
Friedan, B. 1963 “The Feminine Mystique”, W.W Norton
Pinkola-Estes, C. 1992 “Women Who Run with the Wolves”, Ballantine Books
Van Der Kolk, B. 2014 “The Body Keeps the Score”, Viking Press
* In the time since recording this episode, Inside Out 2 has surpassed Frozen 2 as the highest grossing animated film of all time: https://screenrant.com/every-highest-grossing-animated-movie-how-long/
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Manifestation is a buzzword right now. Today’s episode journeys from energy work, to quantum physics, to entrepreneurship, to Taoism, in order to unpack many overlapping perspectives on how we call forth that which we desire, out of the darkness and into the light.
A key theme here is non-dualism and polarity, understanding that we need to cultivate two different skillsets in order to be master manifestors. We explore the soft / yin / feminine aspects of energy work (and learn why this approach is actually proved out by none other than Einstein himself!) alongside the grittier / yang / masculine aspect of taking the aligned action in the physical world.If you want to go deeper, polarity is one of the key themes of my free training The De-Armoured Leader which you can sign up for at madeleineeliza.com/leader
As always if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate and review and share with your friends to get the word out there. -
Female desire has been shrouded in mystery and fear for many hundreds of years.
This episode traces the ways in which patriarchy has suppressed the wild feminine, her uncontainable power, her darkness, and her hunger. We explore the role of epigenetics which has many “liberated” modern women still shackled by internalised shame and misogyny.
Journeying through fictional depictions of female desire in the novels Jane Eyre and Lady Chatterley’s Lover, we land on second wave feminism and Betty Friedan’s seminal book The Feminine Mystique which voiced, for the first time, the desire women had not just for pleasure but also for power, agency, influence and self-actualisation beyond the role of wife and mother.
Desire is part of a spectrum of feminine expression which includes darker emotions such as anger, which girls are typically socialised from a very young age not to express. We discuss darkness and destruction as inherent aspects of the feminine, stemming from the womb space, which demand to be reckoned with if we want to fully embody our power.
Finally the conversation turns to sexual desire, the orgasm gap, female viagra, and why eliminating shame and claiming your right to pleasure are essential pillars of female empowerment.
If you want to go deeper, my newsletter is the place where I share my deepest insights, longform writing and exclusive subscriber-only offers, you can sign up at www.madeleineeliza.com
As always if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate and review and share with your friends to get the word out there.
References
Chaplin, T & Aldao, A. 2013 Gender Differences in Emotion Expression in Children: A Meta-Analytic Review, Psychological Bulletin, 139(4), 735–765 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3597769/
Fortune Business Insights 2024 Female Sexual Dysfunction Treatment Market Size, Share & COVID-19 Impact Analysis https://www.fortunebusinessinsights.com/industry-reports/female-sexual-dysfunction-treatment-market-100850
Frederick, D, St John, K, Garcia, J. & Lloyd, E. 2018 Differences in Orgasm Frequency Among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample, Archives of Sexual Behaviour https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28213723/
International Society for Sexual Medicine 2021 How long does it take a woman to reach orgasm? https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/how-long-does-it-take-a-woman-to-reach-orgasm
Lowy, M. 2020 Ask the Doc: What’s a ‘normal’ length of time to last during sex?, HealthyMale.org.au
https://healthymale.org.au/ask-the-doc/whats-a-normal-length-time-to-last-during-sex
Mintz, L. 2023 The orgasm gap and why women climax less than men, The Conversation https://theconversation.com/the-orgasm-gap-and-why-women-climax-less-than-men-208614
Wetzel, G & Sanchez, D. 2022 Heterosexual Young Adults’ Experience With and Perceptions of the Orgasm Gap: A Mixed Methods Approach, Psychology of Women Quarterly Vol. 46 Iss. 2 https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/03616843221076410?casa_token=EIMMOZmLRmwAAAAA%3AKmP6abzrDfsJRvoSO5LN9EOWUgnXBZGQepNAw9oFPzf-dZE-T-6g9HU1vScVwyNrNdGEuzaGslo&journalCode=pwqa
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Sexual and gendered violence remains a huge issue here in Australia and around the world. In the past few weeks new research has been published into the trend of sexual strangulation or choking, which is practiced by over 50% of young Australians aged 18-35, mostly consensually.
This episode delves into this research, the media response to it, and my hot take on the conversation we’re not having and need to be.
The research conducted by The Conversation exposes trends where more men than women are doing the choking/strangulation, more women are receiving it, and more trans and gender diverse peoples are engaged on both sides. There are worrying discrepancies around consent, and most young people are discovering this trend via pornography.
The response has been very concerned, focused on the dangers of this sexual practice (which are significant), the problems with the pornography industry, and the need for better consent education.
I argue the missing piece of the puzzle when it comes to navigating desire and consent is that a vast majority of girls and women experience low self worth, which makes it extremely difficult to advocate for yourself in the moments where we most need to.
If you want to go deeper, my newsletter is the place where I share my deepest insights, longform writing and exclusive subscriber-only offers, you can sign up at www.madeleineeliza.com
As always if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate and review and share with your friends to get the word out there.
References
Alexander, I., Fortenberry, J., Fu, T., Herbenick, D., Hou, J., Huibregtse, M., Kawata, K.,Klemsz, L., Rosenberg, M. 2024 Structural brain morphology in young adult women who have been choked/strangled during sex: A whole-brain surface morphometry study, Brain and Behaviour
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/brb3.3160
Australian Government 2022, New research shows prolific use of dating apps to facilitate sexual violence, Australian Institute of Criminology https://www.aic.gov.au/media-centre/news/new-research-shows-prolific-use-dating-apps-facilitate-sexual-violence
Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety 2019, Young Australians confused about consent and control in the age of Tinder and Snapchat, ANROWS
https://www.anrows.org.au/media-releases/young-australians-confused-about-consent-and-control-in-the-age-of-tinder-and-snapchat/#:~:text=The%20National%20Community%20Attitudes%20towards,raped%20had%20instead%20led%20the
Coveney, S. 2022 The gender gap in mental health, News Medical Life Sciences
https://www.news-medical.net/health/The-Gender-Gap-in-Mental-Health.aspx#:~:text=Adolescent%20girls%20have%20a%20substantially,risk%20behaviors%2C%20and%20commit%20suicide
Dove, The 2017 Dove Global Girls Beauty and Confidence Report
https://digitaluniversity.womendeliver.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/Mod-1-2017-Dove-Global-Girls-Beauty-and-Confidence-Report.pdf
Orenstein, P. 2024, The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sex, The New York Times
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html
Sharman, L., Fitzgerald, R. & Douglas, H. 2024: Prevalence of Sexual Strangulation/Choking Among Australian 18–35 Year-Olds, Archives of Sexual Behaviour, Springer Link
https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-024-02937-y#auth-Robin-Fitzgerald-Aff2
Sharman, L., Fitzgerald, R. & Douglas, H. 2024: More than half of Australian young people are using strangulation during sex: new research, The Conversation
https://theconversation.com/more-than-half-of-australian-young-people-are-using-strangulation-during-sex-new-research-231269
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This episode cracks open the concept of feminine leadership, particularly from the perspective of the corporate woman who is constantly negotiating power, implicitly or explicitly, within workplaces and leadership teams that are often dominated by men.
We explore the ways that women typically meet male power in the workplace, the limitations of ‘girlboss’ aka neoliberal feminism which essentially asks us to mimic men, and conversely the ‘soft femme’ movement which asks us to reclaim our femininity and step out of hustle culture entirely. I advocate for a different and more empowering model of feminine leadership, where we step into total unapologetic ownership of our female bodies and harmonise the feminine and masculine energies within the self.
We also discuss traditionally ‘feminine’ leadership traits such as emotional intelligence, and the various advances in workplace equality which have empowered women in recent years.
Western history and religion does not paint a very empowering picture for women. We look at the more freeing Tantric perspectives on female expression, and crack open the oracle archetype.
You can access my free 3-part training ‘The De-Armoured Leader’ which explores these topics in more detail at madeleineeliza.com/leader
And if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate, review and share with your friends.
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This is a juicy one, folks. Today’s conversation ranges from Heidegger to Brene Brown to BDSM, all in the space of 30 minutes.
Our central theme is vulnerability and the power it affords us as artists, as leaders and as lovers.
Great art helps us to reveal and connect to shared human truths. The philosopher Martin Heidegger beautifully articulated this with his work on the concept of ‘alethea’ or ‘unconcealedness’, which we explore in some detail here.
In leadership, vulnerability is also highly relevant as a more traditionally ‘feminine’ skill. There is now extensive research proving the importance of emotional intelligence for leaders. We look at this plus the work of Brene Brown and Amy Edmondson in this episode.
We also consider the role that vulnerability has to play in intimate relationships with other people - particularly the concept of feminine receptivity as a superpower that we can cultivate in our personal and professional lives.
Vulnerability is one of the 3 pillars of de-armoured leadership, alongside polarity and embodiment. To go deeper in this work, you can sign up for a free 3-part training on this topic at madeleineeliza.com/leader
And if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate, review and share with your friends.
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Hello and welcome to the show!
Today’s topic is void leaping - the process of taking a leap of faith and stepping into the unknown, which can be empowering and terrifying in equal measure. We explore how this applies to entrepreneurship, and I spend some time introducing myself and my background and explaining why this theme is so close to my heart.
We talk about a couple of mythological stories offering different perspectives on this theme, including Icarus (the well-known cautionary tale which I argue is far more relevant to the juvenile masculine than the mature feminine) and Cedna - a dark and powerful story of transformation.
We also look at void leaping through a tantric lens. “Reclaiming the feminine” is a huge topic right now - let’s examine why cultivating a strong inner masculine is also crucial if you want to be able to hold yourself through the fear and uncertainty of stepping into the void.
To journey more deeply with me, you can sign up for a free 3-part training The De-Armoured Leader at www.madeleineeliza.com/leader
And if you enjoyed the show, don’t forget to rate and review and share with your friends - thank you so much for your support!
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Welcome to the show! I’m Madeleine Eliza. I’ve spent the past decade partnering with founders and leading teams in some of Australia’s fastest growing companies. I help female leaders to embody the fullness of their power and their expression, and unlock new levels of trust and performance within teams. Join me to explore female power, embodied leadership, sensuality and spirituality, as we weave together ancient and modern, the scientific and the mythic, the erotic and the divine.
