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Managing Workplace Emotions: From Reactivity to Resilience
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter is joined by Cherolyn Knapp, a workplace conflict expert from the High Conflict Institute. Together, they explore the crucial topic of emotional management in professional settings, offering practical strategies for leaders and employees to handle heightened emotions effectively. Cherolyn brings her extensive experience as a lawyer, mediator, and workplace investigator to provide valuable insights into managing difficult situations and maintaining professional relationships.
Understanding Emotional Contagion
Megan and Cherolyn discuss how emotions spread in workplace settings - similar to WiFi - and the importance of being aware of this phenomenon. They emphasize the distinction between experiencing emotions and reacting to them, highlighting how unmanaged emotions can escalate conflicts and disrupt workplace harmony.The Power of Emotional Regulation
The conversation delves into practical techniques for emotional regulation, including the crucial "calm before think" approach. They explore how taking even a brief moment to regulate emotions can lead to better decision-making and more productive interactions. The discussion includes specific strategies like grounding exercises and positive self-talk that can be implemented immediately in workplace settings.Time Investment in Emotional Management
A significant portion of the episode focuses on why investing time in emotional management isn't just beneficial - it's essential for workplace efficiency. Megan and Cherolyn explain how taking short breaks to address emotional situations can actually save time in the long run by preventing larger conflicts from developing.Questions we answer in this episode:
What does unmanaged emotion look like in the workplace?How can leaders help team members who are experiencing emotional outbursts?What immediate steps can anyone take to regain emotional control?Why is emotional regulation crucial for workplace success?How can we break the cycle of emotional contagion?Key Takeaways:
Emotions are contagious in workplace settingsBreathing exercises can quickly restore calm and rational thinkingGrounding techniques using five senses help manage emotional reactionsPositive self-talk is a powerful tool for emotional regulationSmall time investments in emotional management yield significant returnsThis episode provides invaluable insights for anyone looking to improve their emotional management skills in professional settings. Whether you're a leader managing team dynamics or an employee navigating workplace relationships, the practical strategies and real-world examples offered by Megan and Cherolyn provide a comprehensive toolkit for maintaining emotional equilibrium in challenging situations.
Links & Other Notes
TRAININGLEADERS TRAINING: New Ways for Work® Leaders TrainingCOACHES TRAINING: New Ways for Work® Coaches TrainingARTICLESKeep the Conflict Small! (With Managed Emotions)How to Avoid Getting Hooked by High Conflict BehaviorBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:42) - Managing Emotions(02:22) - Welcome Back, Cherolyn!(02:58) - Cherolyn’s Background(05:32) - Where and How to Display Emotions(07:17) - Our Feelings and How We Express Them(08:59) - Unmanaged Emotions(11:18) - Bringing Someone Down(15:59) - Things to Avoid Doing(18:59) - Take the Time(20:56) - Grounding(24:31) - Positive Self-Talk(28:08) - New Ways for Work Coaching(30:41) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Borderline Personality DisorderLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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When High Conflict at Home Impacts the Workplace
In this powerful episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore how personal conflicts and challenging situations at home can significantly affect workplace performance and mental wellbeing. The hosts dive deep into understanding the impact of home-based stress on professional life, while offering practical solutions for both employees and employers dealing with these situations.
The episode examines how criticism, verbal abuse, and high conflict situations at home can deplete an individual's emotional resources before they even arrive at work. Bill and Megan discuss the neuroscience behind stress responses, particularly focusing on how the amygdala's fight-or-flight response can impact professional performance. They explore how encouraging self-statements can act as a protective shield against negative emotions and criticism.
A significant portion of the discussion centers on workplace dynamics and communication strategies. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights into when and how to communicate with employers about personal situations, emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while seeking support. They also address the employer's perspective, offering guidance on creating supportive workplace environments without compromising professional standards.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How does high conflict at home affect workplace performance?What strategies can employees use to manage personal stress at work?When should an employee disclose personal conflicts to their employer?How can employers support staff dealing with high conflict situations?What role do encouraging self-statements play in managing conflict?Key Takeaways:
Encouraging self-statements can help block negative emotionsPersonal conflicts can significantly impact workplace performanceThe BIF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly and firm) helps manage difficult communicationsConsider consulting EAP resources before discussing issues with employersEmployers should lead with empathy while maintaining appropriate boundariesThis episode provides essential insights for anyone navigating the challenging intersection between personal conflicts and professional life. Whether you're an employee dealing with high conflict situations at home or an employer seeking to support your team members effectively, this discussion offers practical, actionable strategies for maintaining workplace productivity while supporting mental health and wellbeing.
Links & Other Notes
NEWSLETTERSign upBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at Work!ARTICLESNew Ways for Work®: A New Coaching MethodCOURSESNew Ways for Work®: Training for Leaders (for managers, supervisors, etc. to learn how to handle high-conflict at work)New Ways for Work®: Training for Coaches (for workplace coaches to learn this method to use with clients/coachees)CLASSES: Conflict Influencer™ Class (to learn how to deal with high-conflict) OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:38) - Impact Inside the Workplace when High Conflict’s Happening Outside of It(02:07) - Catching Up(05:53) - What High Conflict Feels Like When You're Involved In It(08:18) - Criticism and Beyond(11:24) - Stress and the Brain(14:02) - Conflict Tolerance(17:35) - When You Have to Go to Work(21:02) - Encouraging Statements(23:50) - High Conflict Interruptions(27:57) - Talking to Your Employer(32:25) - If You’re the Employer(36:08) - Wrap Up(37:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: TBDLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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Understanding Psychopathy: Nature, Nurture, and Warning Signs
In this enlightening continuation of their discussion on psychopathy, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter delve deeper into understanding how personality patterns develop and why some individuals with psychopathic traits go undetected. Following up on their previous episode exploring the $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system, Bill and Megan examine whether someone can suddenly "become" psychopathic and discuss the crucial developmental stages that shape personality.
The episode explores the fascinating intersection of genetics, early childhood experiences, and cultural environment in forming personality patterns. Bill and Megan emphasize how the first five years of life are particularly crucial in personality development, with many patterns established by age six. They share valuable insights about identifying warning signs in relationships and workplaces, while discussing the historical evolutionary advantages that may have contributed to these personality traits surviving in human populations.
The conversation takes an important turn toward practical advice, offering guidance for those who suspect they might be in a relationship with someone showing psychopathic traits. Bill and Megan discuss treatment possibilities, safety considerations, and the importance of seeking professional help when needed.
Questions we answer in this episode:
Can someone suddenly "switch" to become psychopathic?How do early childhood experiences shape personality development?What are the warning signs of psychopathic traits in relationships?Is psychopathy treatable?How can you safely handle relationships with someone showing these traits?Key Takeaways:
Personality patterns are largely established by age 5-6Genetics play a significant role in antisocial personality traitsWarning signs include disconnects between words and actionsTreatment options are limited, especially for adultsSafety should be the primary concern when leaving these relationshipsThis episode provides essential information for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on relationships and society. Through practical examples and expert insights, listeners gain valuable knowledge about recognizing warning signs and protecting themselves while maintaining professional and personal relationships.
Links & Other Notes
PSYCHOPATHY ARTICLEBerkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?BOOKSIt's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesCOURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality Disorder OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:40) - Psychopathy Part 2(02:10) - Can a Switch Be Flipped?(04:27) - The First Five Years(09:05) - Looking for Signs(14:54) - Pushing Forward(23:14) - What to Do(26:13) - Treatment(30:14) - Wrap Up(32:00) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Listener QuestionsLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Understanding Psychopathy: Costs, Characteristics, and Social Impact (Part 1)
In this first episode of a two-part series, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore psychopathy, its relationship to antisocial personality disorder, and its staggering $460 billion annual cost to the US criminal justice system. Drawing from recent research and their extensive experience at the High Conflict Institute, Bill and Megan break down complex psychological concepts into practical, understandable terms.
The Spectrum of Antisocial Behavior
Bill and Megan discuss how antisocial personality disorder manifests, its early warning signs, and its relationship to psychopathy. They explore how these traits appear in various settings — from business environments to personal relationships — and why early intervention is crucial, particularly before age 15.Understanding Psychopathy's Three Key Features
The episode delves into the three main characteristics of psychopathy: disinhibition (extreme risk-taking), callousness (lack of empathy), and boldness (absence of fear). Bill and Megan examine how these traits manifest in real-world situations and their implications for relationships and society.Modern Diagnosis and Assessment
The hosts explore the shift from viewing personality traits as fixed characteristics to understanding them as dimensions on a spectrum. This modern approach allows for more nuanced understanding and assessment of psychopathic traits.Questions we answer in this episode:
What is the difference between antisocial personality disorder, sociopathy, and psychopathy?How early can antisocial behaviors be identified?Can someone with these traits change with treatment?What role does empathy play in psychopathy?How do these personalities impact everyday relationships?Key Takeaways:
Psychopathy costs the US criminal justice system approximately $460 billion annuallyEarly intervention (before age 15) is crucial for changing antisocial behaviorsAntisocial personality disorder affects about 4% of adults, while psychopathy affects about 1%People with these traits often display instrumental empathy rather than genuine empathyUnderstanding these traits can help with protection and boundary-settingThis first episode in the two-part series provides invaluable insights for anyone seeking to understand psychopathy and its impact on society. Whether you're a professional working with high conflict personalities or simply interested in understanding complex human behavior, Bill and Megan's expert analysis offers practical knowledge and protective strategies. Tune in next week for Part 2, which will explore genetics, causation, and additional dimensions of psychopathy.
Links & Other Notes
PSYCHOPATHY ARTICLE:
Berkeley Voices Psychopathy goes undetected in some people. Why?THE MOVIE BILL BROUGHT UP AS A GOOD EXAMPLE OF THIS:
Catch Me If You CanBOOKS
It's All Your Fault at Work!It's All Your Fault!Our New World of Adult BulliesARTICLES
Living with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality DisorderOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:40) - Psychopathy(02:22) - Background for the Conversation(04:10) - Antisocial vs. Psychopath vs. Sociopath(05:47) - Antisocial Personality Disorder(19:12) - Bill’s Books(19:43) - Psychopathy and Sociopathy(22:17) - Disinhibition(25:36) - Callousness(29:52) - Boldness(32:07) - Personality Dimensions(35:53) - Wrap Up(36:22) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Psychopathy Part 2Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Welcome Judge Cohen: A Fresh Perspective on Family Court
Join Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter as they welcome retired Judge Bruce R. Cohen to the High Conflict Institute team. This episode explores the human side of family court proceedings through Judge Cohen's unique lens, developed over 24 years as a family law attorney and nearly 20 years on the bench in Arizona's Superior Court.
Understanding Best Interests and Judicial Perspective
Judge Cohen shares invaluable insights about the concept of "best interests of the child" and how it's applied in family court. He explains how the legal framework has evolved beyond gender preferences to focus on meeting children's specific needs. Through personal anecdotes, including the transformative "Bonnie story," Judge Cohen illustrates how maintaining presence and recognizing humanity in each case leads to better outcomes.
Breaking Down Family Court Success
The discussion delves into practical advice for presenting cases effectively in family court. Rather than chronological presentations or attempts to prove who's "right," success comes from focusing on children's needs and each parent's ability to meet them. Bill and Megan explore with Judge Cohen how understanding jurisdictional factors and avoiding assumptions about bias can strengthen case presentations.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How do judges determine what's truly in a child's best interests?What factors should parents focus on when presenting their case?How has gender bias evolved in family court?What makes a case "high conflict"?How can parents shift focus from being right to getting it right?Key Takeaways:
Focus on children's needs and your ability to meet them rather than chronological eventsPresent yourself authentically rather than assuming judicial biasUnderstand your jurisdiction's specific factors for determining best interestsRecognize that credibility increases when acknowledging both strengths and weaknessesSuccess comes from focusing on future solutions rather than past grievancesThis episode offers unique insights from both sides of the bench, providing valuable perspective for anyone navigating family court. Judge Cohen's practical wisdom, combined with Bill and Megan's expertise, creates an essential resource for understanding how to approach family court proceedings effectively.
Links & Other Notes
JUDGE BRUCE R. COHEN (RET.) Biohttps://highconflictinstitute.com/our-team/BOOKSManaging High Conflict People in CourtThe Future of Family CourtNEWSLETTERSign up for our newsletterCLASSES & CONSULTATIONSNew Ways for Families® online class for parentsConflict Influencer™ online group for parents or anyone1:1 Consultation with Bill Eddy/Megan HunterOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(02:03) - Welcome Judge Bruce R. Cohen (Ret.)(02:30) - Judge Cohen’s Background(07:02) - Connecting(09:29) - The Bonnie Story(14:19) - Time in Court(15:21) - Bill’s Time in Court(18:00) - Communicate Simply(28:30) - Best Interest Factors(30:51) - Gender Issues(36:32) - Control What You Can Control(38:08) - Identify Needs of Child(40:23) - High Conflict Cases(44:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Answering Listener QuestionsLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Rebroadcast Alert: Our Most Popular Episode!
Dive into the world of High Conflict Personalities (HCPs) and the five personality disorders that often fuel their behavior. In this groundbreaking episode from Season 1, Bill and Megan explore the common traits of HCPs, including blaming others, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.
Discover why traditional methods of interaction often fail with HCPs and gain valuable insights into managing these challenging relationships. Whether you're dealing with a narcissist, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality, this episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to navigate high-conflict situations with greater understanding and effectiveness.
Don't miss this opportunity to learn from our most popular episode and transform your approach to high-conflict personalities!
REBROADCAST
When an HCP also has a personality disorder...
Personality disorder or not, people with a high conflict personality (HCPs) have a pattern of high-conflict behavior that increases conflict rather than reducing or resolving it. This pattern usually happens over and over again in many different situations with many different people. The issue that seems in conflict at the time is not what is increasing the conflict. The “issue” is the high-conflict personality and how the person approaches problem-solving. With HCPs, the pattern of behavior often includes a lot of these four characteristics:
Blaming othersAll-or-nothing thinkingUnmanaged emotionsExtreme behaviorsHCPs also seem to have personality disorders or some traits of these disorders. This means that they have long-term patterns of:
Interpersonal dysfunctionLack of reflection on their own behaviorLack of changeMental health professionals have identified ten personality disorders. Five of these have a tendency to become HCPs: those with narcissistic, borderline, antisocial, paranoid, or histrionic personality disorders or traits. This helps us understand why they stay stuck in conflict – namely because of two reasons: they don’t reflect on their part of the problem, and they don’t change. So, the conflict continues or gets worse.
Perhaps you know someone with this pattern. Someone who insists that you – or someone you know – is entirely to blame for a large or small (or non-existent) problem. If so, he or she may be an HCP and you likely have felt targeted by them and unsure what to do.
In this episode, Bill and Megan give an overview of the five types and why the ways we interact with them don’t work, and why you can’t get them to reflect on themselves.
Send us your stories!
We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the ‘Submit a Question’ button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.
Please rate, review and share this show!
Links & Other Notes
Books:5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict PersonalitiesIt’s All Your Fault: Managing Narcissists and Other High Conflict PeopleIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books and some in audio format.Training:Who Are High Conflict People?Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal DisputesArticles:High Conflict People in Civil LitigationHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(02:42) - HCPs In Your Life(03:47) - Four Key Characteristics(06:27) - All or Nothing Thinking(08:48) - Personalities(10:11) - Unmanaged Emotions(11:55) - Giving It Time(13:21) - They Don't Stop Themselves(15:06) - Look for the Pattern(17:41) - Five Personality Disorder Types(21:45) - Range of HCP?(23:34) - They're Everywhere(26:31) - HCPs in Court Cases(28:07) - Antisocial(30:42) - Always Check Yourself(32:57) - Where These Types Pop Up(35:38) - When These Overlap(38:08) - Bipolar(41:42) - Wrapping Up(42:52) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: The Narcissistic HCPLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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With the recent release of "Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents," we're excited to revisit our enlightening conversation with authors Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner. In this episode, Megan sits down with these experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators to discuss the challenges of co-parenting and share practical advice for navigating high-conflict situations. From understanding the role of parenting coordinators to adapting to change and prioritizing children's needs, this timely rebroadcast is packed with invaluable insights for divorced or separated parents at any stage of their co-parenting journey.
REBROADCAST
Navigating the Challenges of Co-Parenting: Insights from Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner
In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Megan is joined by two special guests, Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, co-authors of the upcoming book Co-Parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents. Annette and Nicole, both experienced family law attorneys and parenting coordinators, share their insights on navigating the complexities of co-parenting and offer practical advice for parents facing high conflict situations.
Understanding the Role of Parenting Coordinators
Megan, Annette, and Nicole delve into the crucial role of parenting coordinators in helping divorced or separated parents resolve disputes and maintain focus on their children's best interests. They discuss how parenting coordinators act as referees, mediators, and educators, assisting parents in making decisions on issues such as parenting schedules, school choice, and healthcare.
Adapting to Change and Prioritizing Children's Needs
The guests emphasize the importance of adaptability in co-parenting, as children's needs and circumstances evolve over time. They highlight the challenges parents face when adjusting to new situations, such as remarriage, relocation, and changes in parenting time. Annette and Nicole stress the significance of prioritizing children's well-being and maintaining consistency in parenting approaches whenever possible.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What is a parenting coordinator, and how can they help divorced or separated parents?How can parents navigate changes in their children's lives and adapt their co-parenting strategies?What is parallel parenting, and when is it an appropriate approach?How can parents handle disagreements over parenting styles and household rules?What resources are available for parents struggling with high conflict co-parenting situations?Key Takeaways:
Parenting coordinators play a vital role in assisting divorced or separated parents in resolving disputes and focusing on their children's best interests.Adaptability is crucial in co-parenting as children's needs and circumstances change over time.Parallel parenting can be an effective approach for high conflict situations, but its implementation varies depending on the family's unique dynamics.Parents should strive for consistency in parenting approaches whenever possible while respecting each other's parenting time and decision-making authority.Seeking education, resources, and support from professionals can help parents navigate the challenges of high conflict co-parenting.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for divorced or separated parents facing the challenges of co-parenting. By learning from the expertise of Annette Burns and Nicole Siqueiros-Stoutner, listeners can gain a deeper understanding of how to prioritize their children's well-being, adapt to change, and navigate high conflict situations. Co-Parenting by Design promises to be an essential resource for parents, lawyers, and judges alike, providing guidance and strategies for creating a healthier co-parenting dynamic.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSCo-parenting by Design: The Definitive Guide for Divorced or Separated Parents GUEST BIOSAnnette T. Burns, JDNicole Siqueiros-StoutnerOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:39) - Co-Parenting by Design(01:14) - Meet Annette and Nicole(04:14) - How It Came About(08:56) - Parenting Coordinators(12:58) - Agreements(16:53) - Different Rules(22:00) - Parallel Parenting(26:16) - Multiple Court Trips(30:30) - Alienation(39:41) - Advice on Family Law(44:15) - The Book(47:00) - Wrap Up(47:18) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Co-Parenting By DesignLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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As we approach the holiday season, we thought it would be the perfect time to revisit one of our most popular episodes from last year. In the spirit of the season, we're rebroadcasting our timely discussion on maintaining harmony and peace during holiday gatherings. Whether you're hosting or attending a get-together with family and friends, the tips and insights shared by Bill and Megan from the High Conflict Institute are as relevant as ever. So, sit back, relax, and join us as we explore effective strategies for avoiding and defusing conflicts, ensuring that your holiday celebrations are filled with joy, connection, and understanding. Happy holidays!
REBROADCAST
Keeping the Peace This Holiday Season
Bill and Megan share tips for avoiding and defusing conflict at holiday gatherings. They offer insights from their work at the High Conflict Institute.In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere.
Avoiding Hot-Button Topics
Bill notes that the high-emotion holidays can bring out uncontrolled behavior in some. He suggests posting a respectful gathering policy and having “minders” to gently redirect tense interactions.Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment.
Defusing Tensions
Bill advocates saving sensitive discussions for one-on-one talks, where polarization decreases. Groups often split into factions and fuel discord.Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges.
Why It Matters
Bill and Megan provide simple but powerful ways to maintain self-control and model peaceful conflict resolution this season. Their advice offers pathways to joyful gatherings.Questions we answer:
How can hosts set ground rules for respectful interactions?What tools can help individuals avoid unproductive fights?When and how should difficult topics be addressed?Key Takeaways:
Posting expectations and having “minders” can prevent problems.Preparation and self-talk help you respond calmly in the moment.Save sensitive talks for one-on-one conversations later.Shared stories build connections between individuals.This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding.
Links & Other Notes
RESPECTFUL GATHERING POLICYDownload HCI’s Respectful Gathering Policy to hang up before your holiday gatheringsBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)ARTICLESHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysCalming Holiday ConflictsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:34) - Holiday Conflict(02:19) - When Someone Says Something(05:58) - If You're Hosting(08:15) - Respectful Gathering Policy(09:05) - Be Prepared(11:42) - Giving Yourself Encouraging Statements(13:30) - If You Want to Discuss the Topics(15:47) - Reason-Able(16:57) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A New Season!Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Protecting the Elderly from High Conflict Personalities
In this episode, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by the elderly population in dealing with high conflict personalities. As the global population ages and birth rates decline, it's crucial to understand how to identify and manage individuals who may pose a threat to the well-being of our elderly loved ones.
The hosts discuss how high conflict personalities, such as those with antisocial, narcissistic, or borderline traits, can take advantage of the elderly's vulnerability through manipulation and control. They provide practical advice on recognizing red flags and supporting elderly individuals who may be experiencing abuse.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What makes the elderly vulnerable to high conflict personalities?How can you identify potential abuse of an elderly loved one?What steps can you take to support and protect an elderly individual?Key Takeaways:
High conflict personalities often lack restraints, making the elderly more vulnerable to manipulation.Loneliness and isolation can make the elderly more susceptible to being taken advantage of.It's essential to ask specific questions about potential abuse, as the elderly may be afraid to speak up.Family members and friends should stay involved in the lives of their elderly loved ones and be vigilant in recognizing signs of abuse.This episode provides valuable insights and advice for anyone with elderly loved ones. By understanding the challenges faced by the elderly and learning to identify and manage high conflict personalities, listeners can play an active role in protecting the well-being of the older generation.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeCLASSConflict Influencer™ ClassARTICLESProtecting the Elderly in Our New World of Adult BulliesOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including audio and e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(01:43) - Podcast Update(13:39) - The Elderly and High Conflict(25:34) - When They Deny It(28:22) - CARS Method(32:55) - Being Targeted(35:08) - Keep an Eye Out for Them(37:45) - Wrap Up(38:30) - See You Next Year!Learn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Navigating High Conflict Relationships: Your Questions Answered
In this ask-and-answer episode of It's All Your Fault, hosts Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter from the High Conflict Institute tackle three key listener questions about managing challenging relationships and dealing with high conflict personalities.
First Question: "What do you suggest for someone who realizes they have a high conflict personality?" Bill and Megan explore self-awareness as the crucial first step toward positive change, offering practical steps for self-improvement and resources available through the High Conflict Institute.
Second Question: From a professional helping a client whose "ex-wife is creating chaos with false allegations." The hosts address this challenging custody situation, offering practical advice for self-represented individuals in family court. Bill shares specific strategies for organizing and presenting evidence effectively.
Third Question: Dealing with an adult brother who moved back in with elderly parents, leading to family rifts and restraining orders. Bill and Megan discuss the concept of "negative advocates" and provide strategies for maintaining relationships when family members take sides in conflicts.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What resources help someone identify and address their own high conflict behaviors?How can someone self-representing handle false allegations in family court?What strategies work when dealing with negative advocates in family conflicts?How can you support an elderly parent struggling with family conflict?What approaches help maintain relationships during family disputes?Key Takeaways:
Self-awareness is the first step in addressing high conflict behaviorsFocus on three main patterns when presenting evidence in courtMaintain gentle, friendly communication with family members who've taken sidesProfessional local support is crucial for specific situation guidanceUnderstanding negative advocacy helps navigate family conflictsThis episode provides practical guidance for anyone dealing with high conflict relationships, whether personally experiencing these behaviors or managing them in others. Bill and Megan offer actionable advice while maintaining sensitivity toward complex family dynamics.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSIt’s All Your Fault! 12 Tips for Managing People Who Blame Others for EverythingSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer Class (for everyone)PROFESSIONAL TRAININGNew Ways for Families TrainingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:37) - More Listener Questions(02:27) - Question #1: When You Realize It’s You(13:44) - Question #2: When They’re Making Allegations(19:25) - Question #3: When It Hurts Older Family Members(31:25) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: In the WorkplaceLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Tackling Listener Questions on High Conflict Personalities in Family Law
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter address questions from two listeners about high conflict personalities in family law. They dive into the complexities of parental alienation, domestic violence allegations, and when to stop fighting in court.
Listener Question 1: Understanding Parental Alienation and Estrangement
The first listener asks about the confusion surrounding parental alienation. Bill defines key terms: "refuse and resist," parental alienation, and realistic estrangement. He explains the differences between alienation caused by one parent's behavior and estrangement resulting from a parent's own actions, such as domestic violence or child abuse.
Listener Question 2: When to Stop Fighting in Court
The second listener, from Australia, asks when to give up the fight with a high conflict ex-partner who continues to violate court orders. Bill and Megan address the issue of "legal abuse" and the limitations of the court system in handling these situations effectively.
Questions We Answer in This Episode:
What is the difference between parental alienation and realistic estrangement?How common are false allegations of abuse in family court?When should you stop fighting in court with a high conflict ex-partner?Key Takeaways:
Consider all possibilities in each case without presumptions.Parental alienation and domestic violence both exist and require careful assessment.Fighting in court for more than two years may be counterproductive.Obtain transcripts of court hearings to address false statements or bad decisions.This episode provides valuable insights for anyone navigating high conflict personalities in family law. Bill and Megan offer a balanced perspective, emphasizing the need for an open mind and case-by-case analysis.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSDon’t Alienate the Kids: Raising Resilient Children While Avoiding High-Conflict DivorceThe High-Conflict Co-Parenting Survival GuideCOURSESNew Ways for Families Course + Coaching for Co-ParentsConflict Influencer ClassOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:36) - Listener Questions(01:18) - Question 1: Parental Alienation(22:55) - Question 2: When to Give In(31:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: More Listener QuestionsLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Paranoid High Conflict Personalities: Navigating Mistrust and Suspicion
In the final episode of their "Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, Bill and Megan explore the world of paranoid high conflict personalities. They offer insights on identifying and managing these challenging relationships, explaining that individuals with paranoid traits exhibit pervasive mistrust and suspicion, often believing others are conspiring against them.
Bill and Megan provide strategies for dealing with paranoid high conflict personalities, such as clear communication, setting boundaries, and seeking support. They also discuss the impact of technology and social media on paranoid thinking.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the key characteristics of paranoid high conflict personalities?How can you manage relationships with these individuals?What resources are available for those dealing with paranoid high conflict personalities?Key Takeaways:
Paranoid high conflict personalities are characterized by pervasive mistrust and suspicion.Clear communication and boundary-setting are crucial in managing these relationships.Seek support and resources when dealing with paranoid high conflict personalities.As the conclusion to the "Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, this episode empowers listeners to navigate challenging interactions with paranoid high conflict personalities, providing practical strategies and a deeper understanding of this personality type.
Links & Other Notes
Bill’s guest spot on Dr. Andrew Huberman’s “Huberman Lab” podcastBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt's All Your Fault!ARTICLESLiving With Suspicion: Paranoid High Conflict PeopleCompassion for High Conflict PeopleCLASSESConflict InfluencerOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:46) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Paranoid(01:22) - Bill's Guest Appearance(06:17) - Paranoid HCPs(10:09) - In a Romantic Relationship(12:05) - Stats(14:43) - Mistrust(16:32) - Targets of Blame(20:22) - Targeting(26:23) - What Can You Do(31:16) - Example(36:14) - Wrap Up(36:38) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Asked and AnsweredLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Series: Histrionic High Conflict Personalities
In this installment of "The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, Megan and Bill explore the world of histrionic high conflict personalities. They discuss the key characteristics of histrionics, including exaggerated emotions, a constant need for attention, and a tendency to misjudge relationships.
Surprisingly, despite cultural stereotypes, research shows histrionic personality disorder is equally common in men and women. Bill and Megan also delve into how social media and influencer culture can feed histrionic tendencies, while emphasizing that having some traits doesn't necessarily indicate a disorder.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What defines a histrionic personality?Is histrionic personality disorder more common in men or women?How can you deal with exhausting histrionic behavior?Key Takeaways:
Histrionic personalities are characterized by drama and a need for attention.Histrionic personality disorder involves a pattern of blaming others.Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with histrionic behavior.Whether you have a histrionic person in your life or want to learn more about high conflict personalities, this episode offers valuable insights and practical strategies for navigating these challenging dynamics.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeIt's All Your Fault!ARTICLESDealing with Drama: Histrionic High Conflict PeopleLiving with High-Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for living with a Histrionic High-Conflict PersonOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Histrionic(01:30) - What Is Histrionic?(08:33) - Misjudgment of Relationships(11:14) - Drawing Others In(13:16) - In Daily Life(15:34) - Frequency(19:10) - Men and Women(23:27) - Ancient Histrionic Personalities and Influencers(27:52) - Skills to Relieve Exhaustion(30:02) - Negative Advocates(31:17) - Lying and Exaggeration(32:32) - Paul McCartney(35:13) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Paranoid PersonalitiesLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Navigating Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities
In this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence.
Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities
Bill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority.
The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. Vulnerable
Not all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities.
Narcissism in Various Contexts
Narcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways:
Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being.
Links & Other Notes
COURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city’s name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6(01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs(02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress(04:55) - See Themselves as Superior(12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment(13:16) - Lacking Empathy(21:12) - Stats(24:06) - The Two Types(27:17) - Lying(29:41) - Apologizing(33:01) - Domestic Violence(35:10) - Stalking(36:00) - Letting Go of Relationships(40:11) - Signs If It’s Your Partner(44:10) - Steps to Take(46:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special GuestLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Megan Answers Your Questions About High Conflict Personalities
In this special "Asked and Answered" episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter flies solo to address listener questions about dealing with high conflict personalities. She shares expert insights to help listeners navigate challenging relationships, from understanding and overcoming high conflict behaviors to minimizing damage in high conflict co-parenting situations. She also advises on navigating borderline personality disorder in relationships and the challenges of blending families and building bonds.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can I change my high conflict behaviors?What should I do to minimize damage to my child when co-parenting with a high conflict person?How do I inform someone they have borderline personality disorder?How can I navigate the challenges of blending families and building bonds?Key Takeaways:
Self-awareness is crucial in recognizing and changing high conflict behaviors.Seek professional help, such as therapy or coaching, to work on emotion regulation and flexible thinking.Avoid informing someone they have a personality disorder, as this can escalate conflict.Focus on self-improvement and role modeling healthy behaviors for children.Building trust and bonds in blended families takes time and patience.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical advice for anyone struggling with high conflict personalities in their lives. Megan's expert perspective and compassionate approach provide listeners with the tools and resources they need to navigate challenging relationships and work towards positive change.
Links & Other Notes
COURSES FOR HELPING FAMILIES IN HIGH-CONFLICT SITUATIONSFor co-parenting: New Ways for Families®(online self-paced class or take with a coach)For families who want to stay together: New Ways for Families®—TogetherBOOKSThe Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder(also available on Amazon or wherever books are sold)The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner (also available on Amazon or wherever books are sold)ORGANIZATIONS WHO HELPNEA-BPDHope for BPDEmotions MatterDialectical Behavior Therapy Therapist ListingStepfamily SolutionsCheck out Huberman Lab podcast! Bill’s guest appearance goes live October 28thOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:41) - Asked and Answered(02:42) - Question #1(10:00) - Question #2(18:03) - Question #3(23:08) - Question #4(28:22) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Co-Parenting By DesignLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Domestic Violence: A Closer Look from the Perspective of Law Enforcement
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan are joined by special guest Nick Hartbauer, a law enforcement officer with 16 years of experience, to discuss domestic violence calls and how understanding high conflict personalities can help victims and law enforcement navigate these challenging situations more effectively.
Identifying High Conflict Personalities in Domestic Violence Calls
Nick shares his journey of discovering the concept of high conflict personalities through Bill's books and how this knowledge has transformed his approach to handling domestic violence calls. He explains how recognizing patterns of unmanaged emotions, all-or-nothing thinking, and blaming others has helped him identify high conflict individuals and better support victims.
Empowering Victims Through Understanding
One of the most significant insights Nick gained from learning about high conflict personalities is the importance of helping victims understand that their abusive partner is unlikely to change. By sharing this knowledge with victims, Nick has empowered many to leave abusive relationships and move forward with their lives.
Navigating Domestic Violence Calls: Strategies and Observations
Nick walks listeners through the process of responding to both low-risk and high-risk domestic violence calls, highlighting the importance of separating the parties involved and listening for signs of high conflict behavior, such as lying, manipulation, and lack of responsibility. He also shares how he assesses the situation to determine who the true victim is in each case.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can understanding high conflict personalities help law enforcement handle domestic violence calls more effectively?What are some signs that a person involved in a domestic violence call may have a high conflict personality?How can law enforcement officers empower victims of domestic violence?What strategies do law enforcement officers use to navigate domestic violence calls and determine who the true victim is?How common is it for the suspect in a domestic violence call to lie or manipulate the situation?Key Takeaways:
Recognizing patterns of high conflict behavior can help law enforcement better support victims of domestic violence.Helping victims understand that their abusive partner is unlikely to change can empower them to leave the relationship.Separating the parties involved in a domestic violence call is crucial for gathering accurate information.Law enforcement officers must listen carefully for signs of lying, manipulation, and lack of responsibility to determine who the true victim is.While not all suspects lie, many will attempt to manipulate the situation or blame the victim entirely.This episode provides invaluable insights into the complexities of domestic violence calls and how understanding high conflict personalities can make a significant difference in the lives of victims. By sharing his expertise and experiences, Nick Hartbauer offers listeners a unique perspective on the challenges law enforcement faces and the strategies they employ to navigate these difficult situations effectively.
About Nick
Nick Hartbauer has been in Law Enforcement for 16 years. He began his career working in a detention center and quickly transitioned to a Patrol position. During his time in law enforcement, Nick served as an Operator on his agency's Emergency Response Team (aka S.W.A.T) and was trained as a sniper. He also spent five years as a Narcotics Detective, working undercover investigations at both the local and federal levels. During this time, Nick assisted in an FBI investigation involving political corruption where corrupt law enforcement officers were assisting drug cartels.
In addition to his investigative work, Nick served as a training officer on Patrol and during his time as a Narcotics Detective. He was also an instructor for his agency's undercover school. Nick spent time on the Impact team for his agency, conducting uniformed property crime investigations, and briefly assisted the Property Crimes Detectives.
In recent years, Nick has focused on victims' crimes while working on patrol, with a particular emphasis on domestic violence investigations. He developed a passion for this area of work as he learned more about the High Conflict Personality Theory from the High Conflict Institute. Nick has incorporated the knowledge gained from the High Conflict Institute into his investigations and training of new officers.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderDating RadarCalming Upset People with EARCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESA Method for Managing Police-Community RelationsDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What’s the Connection?How Effective are Restraining Orders with an HCP?Living with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesOUR WEBSITEhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/QUESTIONSSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in ... -
The Intersection of High Conflict Personalities and Domestic Violence
In this compelling episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter dive into the complex relationship between high conflict personalities and domestic violence. They explore how individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) may contribute to intimate partner violence (IPV), while emphasizing the importance of distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases.
Bill and Megan discuss the challenges faced by professionals in identifying the true perpetrator in a domestic violence situation, as well as the underlying fears and motivations that may drive abusive behavior in individuals with these personality types. They also address the issue of accountability and the potential benefits of group therapy for individuals who have BPD.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How do high conflict personalities relate to domestic violence?What role do individuals who have BPD and ASPD play in intimate partner violence?What are effective interventions for perpetrators of domestic violence?Key Takeaways:
Distinguishing between high conflict families and domestic violence cases is crucial.Individuals who have BPD and ASPD have a higher incidence of IPV perpetration.Setting limits and imposing consequences are essential for holding perpetrators accountable.This episode offers valuable insights into the complexities of domestic violence and high conflict personalities, making it a must-listen for anyone navigating these challenges.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderOur New World of Adult BulliesDating RadarCalming Upset People with EARHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Domestic Violence and Personality Disorders: What’s the Connection?Living with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law CasesOUR WEBSITEhttps://www.highconflictinstitute.com/QUESTIONSSubmit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:38) - The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 4(01:26) - Domestic Violence and HCPs(03:49) - Bill’s Background(06:48) - Stats(09:23) - Anti-Social(14:38) - Verbally Abusive(16:42) - Accountability(18:53) - Disruptive(20:21) - When Law Enforcement’s Involved(23:12) - Borderline Personality(27:16) - More Reactive(28:17) - Remorse(29:40) - Can't Control Themselves(31:05) - Generalizations(31:37) - When in One of These Relationships(36:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Law Enforcement GuestLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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The Love You Hate You Types - High Conflict Borderline Personalities
In this episode of "It's All Your Fault," Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore the world of high conflict borderline personality types, also known as the "Love You Hate You" types. They provide insights and strategies for dealing with these challenging individuals who can quickly turn from charming to rage-filled.
Understanding the High Conflict Borderline Personality
Bill and Megan discuss the defining characteristics of individuals with high conflict borderline personality, including their struggle with emotional regulation and tendency to see people in all-or-nothing terms. They note that while not all individuals with borderline personality disorder have a high conflict personality, more than half of them do, making it a significant concern in interpersonal relationships.
Navigating Relationships and Key Takeaways
The hosts provide examples of how high conflict borderline personalities may behave in various settings and discuss the concept of "splitting" and the propensity for lying and seeking revenge. They offer key takeaways, such as setting boundaries and the possibility of treatment and recovery for those affected.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the defining characteristics of high conflict borderline personalities?How prevalent is borderline personality disorder, and what percentage also have a high conflict personality?Why do high conflict borderline personalities often engage in lying and seeking revenge?Key Takeaways:
High conflict borderline personalities often struggle with emotional regulation and see people in all-or-nothing terms.Lying and seeking revenge are common behaviors stemming from a fear of abandonment.Treatment and recovery are possible for individuals with high conflict borderline personality disorder.This episode provides valuable information and insights for anyone dealing with a high conflict borderline personality in their life, offering strategies for managing these challenging relationships and maintaining well-being.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderCalming Upset People with EARDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesCOURSESStrategies for Helping Clients with Borderline Personalities in DivorceConflict Influencer™ ClassARTICLESDifferences in Dealing with Borderline, Narcissistic and Antisocial Clients in Family LawLiving with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with a Borderline High Conflict PersonWhy I Wrote SplittingUnderstanding Borderline Personality Disorder in Family Law Cases7 Tips for Working with Clients with Borderline Personality DisorderLiving on the Edge: Borderline High Conflict PeopleCan High-Conflict People Change?OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:37) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 3(01:10) - Borderline Personality (07:39) - What does the term mean?(08:50) - Looking for Connection(10:42) - Statistics(14:03) - High Sensitivity(16:26) - Splitting(18:22) - Lying(22:01) - Apologizing(24:47) - Why Vindictive?(28:45) - Finding Success(32:50) - Empathy(35:07) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Domestic ViolenceLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Series: Unmasking the Cruel Con Artist
In the second episode of the "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, Bill and Megan focus on one of the most challenging and dangerous high conflict personality types: those with antisocial personality traits, also known as cruel con artists. They explore what defines this personality type, how to identify the red flags, and most importantly, what you can do to protect yourself from their manipulative tactics.
Bill and Megan start by discussing the key characteristics of people with antisocial personality traits, including their lack of empathy, remorse, and their tendency to lie and deceive without hesitation. They note that while not all individuals with antisocial traits are violent criminals, many engage in secretive behaviors that can be extremely harmful to those close to them.
One of the main challenges with those who have antisocial personality traits is their ability to charm and manipulate others. Bill and Megan emphasize the importance of looking beyond surface-level charm and conducting thorough background checks when entering into any significant relationship, whether personal or professional.
They also discuss the confusion and self-doubt that often arise when dealing with someone who has antisocial personality traits. Megan shares a personal experience of feeling confused and questioning her own perceptions when interacting with someone who exhibited these traits.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the key characteristics of someone with antisocial personality traits?How can you identify if someone you know might have antisocial personality traits?What are some common manipulative tactics used by people with antisocial personality traits?How can you protect yourself from being conned or harmed by someone with antisocial personality traits?What should you do if you suspect you're in a relationship with someone who has antisocial personality traits?Key Takeaways:
People with antisocial personality traits lack empathy, remorse, and frequently lie and deceive others.Charm and manipulation are common traits, making it essential to look beyond surface-level impressions.Background checks and seeking input from others who know the person are crucial when entering significant relationships.Trust your gut feelings if something seems "off" or too good to be true.Prioritize self-protection and set clear boundaries when dealing with individuals suspected of having antisocial personality traits.This episode provides invaluable insights into the complex and often dangerous world of those with antisocial personality traits. As part of the "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life" series, it helps listeners understand the unique challenges posed by this specific high conflict personality type. By recognizing the red flags, common manipulative tactics, and the importance of self-protection, listeners will be better equipped to navigate relationships with these individuals. Bill and Megan's expertise and practical advice make this a must-listen for anyone looking to safeguard themselves and their loved ones from the devastating impact of cruel con artists.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarHigh Conflict People in Legal DisputesIt's All Your Fault!Managing High Conflict People in CourtCOURSESHandling Family Law Cases Involving Antisocial High Conflict PeopleCONSULTATIONSConsultation with Bill or MeganARTICLESLiving with High-Conflict People: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with an Antisocial High Conflict PeopleThe Sociopath: Antisocial High Conflict PeopleSociopaths and Their DeceptionsManipulators in Plain Sight: Spotting Antisocial Personality DisorderOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:35) - The Antisocial Type(01:08) - The Problem(06:06) - Antisocial, Sociopath, and Psychopath(08:00) - Categories of Behavior(11:50) - Impact on Others(13:05) - Generally the Worst(14:40) - Against Society's Rules(17:59) - Counseling(19:48) - Identifying(27:05) - What You Can Do(30:45) - Saying Something(32:52) - Bit of Wisdom(35:20) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Borderline Personality TypesLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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Introducing the 5 Types of High Conflict Personalities: Who Can Ruin Your Life? (Part 1)
In this thought-provoking first episode of a new series on It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy, co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, embark on an exploration of the five types of high conflict personalities who can wreak havoc in your life. Drawing from Bill's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life," they provide a broad overview of these challenging personalities, setting the stage for a deeper dive into each type in upcoming episodes.
Understanding High Conflict Personalities
Bill and Megan illuminate the perplexing nature of high conflict personalities, emphasizing that these individuals often lack self-awareness and may not even realize the impact of their behavior on others. They stress the importance of recognizing patterns of behavior rather than focusing on isolated incidents, as high conflict personalities tend to exhibit consistent patterns of blame-shifting, all-or-nothing thinking, unmanaged emotions, and extreme behaviors.Navigating Relationships with High Conflict Individuals
Throughout the episode, Bill and Megan offer practical strategies for navigating relationships with high conflict personalities. They caution against common pitfalls, such as attempting to provide insight into the person's behavior or engaging in emotional arguments. Instead, they recommend focusing on the present, offering choices, and using the CARS method (Connect, Analyze, Respond, Set Limits) to de-escalate conflicts and maintain healthy boundaries.Questions we answer in this episode:
Who are the five types of high conflict personalities that can ruin your life?What are the defining characteristics of a high conflict personality?How can I recognize patterns of high conflict behavior?What are the common mistakes to avoid when dealing with high conflict individuals?What can I expect from the upcoming episodes in this series?Key Takeaways:
The five types of high conflict personalities can have a profound negative impact on your life if left unchecked.High conflict personalities often lack self-awareness and may not realize the impact of their behavior on others.Recognizing patterns of behavior is crucial when dealing with high conflict individuals.Avoid trying to provide insight, engaging in emotional arguments, focusing on the past, or labeling the person.Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will explore each of the five types in greater depth, providing targeted strategies for managing these specific personalities.Whether you're dealing with a high conflict partner, family member, coworker, or friend, this episode sets the foundation for understanding and managing these challenging relationships. By introducing the five types of high conflict personalities and providing a broad overview of strategies for dealing with them, Bill and Megan offer listeners a roadmap for the upcoming series, which promises to deliver invaluable insights and tools for navigating life's most difficult interpersonal dynamics.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeARTICLESWho Are High-Conflict People?The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeFive Types of High-Conflict Personalities And their targets of blame—and sometimes violence.Anybody You Know? Predictable Characteristics of High Conflict PeopleCOURSESCourses for professional trainingCourses for individualsConflict Influencer Class (live virtual)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.
(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault(00:35) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life(01:14) - Creating Awareness(05:54) - Starting to See It Differently(12:09) - Key Characteristics(21:34) - Options(22:39) - Four Forget-About-Its(26:02) - Four Things to Do(29:01) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleLearn more about our New Ways for Mediation Coaching Sessions. Get started today!
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