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About Risa:
For the past 4 decades Risa has worked consistently as a director, producer, casting director, writer, and teacher.
She’s had the great fortune to have collaborated with some of the most talented, passionate, and groundbreaking artists in the world. She’s continued to move successfully from one arena to another – from theatre to film to television and back.
With two feature films in her directorial body of work – the cult classic, 200 CIGARETTES, and more recently, THE CON ARTIST, made in Canada, Risa’s also directed in television, including multiple episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE for the WB, and several shows for HBO, Lifetime, and Comedy Central.
Risa’s directed dozens of plays in New York (The Ensemble Studio Theatre, The Second Stage, Manhattan Theatre Club) and in Los Angeles.
She calls The Ensemble Studio Theatre her original artistic home, where she’s been a member in NY for over 40 years, producing and directing several years of the flagship festival MARATHON OF ONE-ACT PLAYS. And she founded EST-LA, a thriving Los Angeles theatre company. Some of her favorite director-playwright collaborations have been with Edward Allan Baker, John Shanley, Richard Greenberg, Bill Bozzone, Alan Zweibel, and Neil Cuthbert.
In L.A. Risa founded and produced ACT ONE, a successful two-year festival of one-acts, in conjunction with Showtime Networks. As a founding Artistic Director of EST-LA, Risa worked with HBO, producing and directing a series of acclaimed one-acts for The Aspen Comedy Arts Festival.
In her long association with HBO, starting in the early 80’s as a talent scout for comedians, Risa co-produced two years of THE YOUNG COMEDIANS SHOW for the network. She was also a TV producer with The Carsey Werner Company.
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A subject that has come up with private clients of mine and in my weekly group class has been the subject of discussion of quitting.
And the phrase that I have been coaching on, is don't quit five minutes before the miracle.
Don't quit five minutes before the miracle.
And I get it. Especially for those of us in the U. S. who have been struggling with the industry this year. Let's just be blunt. It's a bitch, okay? It's just been awful. I have a friend of mine who's a producer and he says the word he keeps using is brutal.
It's been a brutal year.
But here's the thing. We're not gonna quit. There is no plan B.
So let's talk about the things that we need to do to motivate ourselves to not quit five minutes before the miracle.
So I'm going to have five points that I want to make and I'll coach a little bit around each one.
So the first one is, and this is really true for someone who has been in this business for 36 years.
Progress happens over time.
And often it's that level of you work, you grind, and then you get to the next level. And then you work, you grind and you get to the next level.
Now, something I've noticed with me is right when I'm about to get to that next level, whatever level that may be, that is when all my limiting beliefs come up.
My self-doubt comes up, all like my demons as it work come up.
But here's the thing, through coaching the principles and through this core work, I can go, oh, it's you again. Look at that. Oh, there you go.
You may feel like you want to give up.
But if you could just persevere for just a little bit longer. What you may discover is that you may discover you're having a breakthrough moment.
And then you get to that next level.
But understand that, it's darkest before the dawn.
It's the same thing with not quitting five minutes before the miracle.
It's when, it's those moments when you are just about I cannot do it another second. Those are the moments. When you need to keep going, those are the moments when you need to keep going.
I know something is about to happen when I start getting really squirrely, or my thinking starts to get really stinky, that means I'm on the verge of something.
It's so funny that we actually think it's negative. But what if it was positive.
Again, I go back to one of my favorite quotes, “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”
So remember that progress happens over time. And again, you work, you grind, you get to the next level.
And right as you're about to get to that next level, don't forget to keep on going.
Don't forget to keep on going. Even though every cell in your body may be going, What the fuck? I wanna quit. Keep going.
Keep going. No matter what.
Okay, next one. Patience. Patience pays off.
I just have to say, Peter Pamela says, patience pays off.
Success requires consistent effort.
One of the things I talk about with my clients is consistence and persistence and tenacity. Quitting too soon could mean abandoning all the work that you've already invested.
And I'm sorry, no, no effing way, okay? No fucking way am I quitting after I've put in this much work.
And that next step might be the one that creates the shift you need.
Again, don't quit five minutes before the miracle.
Continue to wake up, suit up, show up, and report for duty. And report for duty to what you are meant to do on this earth, whatever your dream may be.
The next one is that keep in mind that challenges build resist resilience.
Challenges build resilience.
When things get tough, it's easy to want to quit. It's what I was talking about in that first point. All that stuff comes up right as something is about to break.
However, pushing through strengthens your ability to handle future obstacles, making you more resilient and prepared for greater opportunities.
See, one of the things I talk about is that fear of success.
And when the thing about the fear of success is that at some point, what happens is that we have that fear of success because we realize that fear of success will mean that we will have more responsibility and more And that freaks us out just a little bit.
And what happens, our negative thoughts come up, because it tries to protect us.
It tries to keep us the same. It tries to keep us stagnant. Not because it doesn't like us, but because it wants us to stay the same.
Remember, handling obstacles makes you more resilient and prepares you for greater opportunities.
Number four, success is not linear.
OMG, can I tell you about that one? I find that this business is cyclical.
You'll go through the biggest drought and then you'll be so damn busy you won't know what to do with yourself. This business is cyclical. So is life.
Progress can feel slow. And sometimes freaking invisible, or as I like to say, go is at a glacial pace and staying the course, even when you can't see the immediate results ensures that you are still moving forward toward your goal.
Something that was brought up in my group class. This week that I thought was so interesting that they were saying that they're doing baby steps in so many areas that it doesn't feel like they're moving forward.
But the thing Is that of course they are, because they're even taking those baby steps.
Even by taking those baby steps, they are moving forward. That's the key.
Keep moving. I have this mountain, I went running yesterday, and I call this this mountain Killer Mountain. And this mountain is, it's awful.
I'm just gonna say, it is freaking awful. And I do it at the beginning of my runs so I get it over with. And I must run. I don't even know if I'm running at one mile an hour up this thing, but I keep jogging. I don't walk. I keep jogging. And as I'm going up it, I say to myself, while I'm totally miserable, I just say to myself, this is how you succeed.
You just do it. Keep moving. You keep going forward. You keep persevering.
Now, I'm not in physical pain while I'm going up this mountain, but I am working hard. Cause it is steep, okay? But the thing is that every time I go up it, I'm saying, okay, not only are my legs and my body and my heart and my lungs and everything getting stronger, the other thing that's going on is I am learning that spiritual lesson of putting one foot in front of the other.
I'm learning that spiritual lesson of consistence, persistence, resilience, tenacity gets you there.
It moves me forward towards my goal, which is to get to the top of the mountain, even though it may not be at the pace I would like it to be.
I love this last point. Self belief drives momentum.
Ooh, baby, there is nothing I like better than self esteem.
There is nothing that I like better than learning how to not abandon yourself.
Learning the importance of emotional self sufficiency. I love that.
That's what I'm teaching every week in my weekly class. It's so freaking good. If you quit now, you're only going to reinforce doubt and limit your potential.
All of my coaching is about creating the potential to get a better result.
Creating the potential to get a better result. Trusting your ability to endure tough moments fuels confidence and keeps you going. Until the miracle happens.
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So today's podcast is going to be about making a pivot in your acting career.
The first thing you want to do when you are making a pivot is you want to clarify your new career goal.
I understand that the goal may be to be a working actor, but what exactly does that mean to you?
And when you've made a goal, asking yourself that follow up question, that empowering question, what does that mean to you? What does that look like? How will it feel when you achieve it?
You want to take time to identify exactly where you want to pivot, and I think those questions can really, truly help you.
Now, whether that is in a new area of the industry, or maybe with a new renewed energy towards a different area or a renewed energy towards an old goal? That is fine. The big thing I want you to think about is being specific.
Really setting a clear goal for yourself of what you are looking to do.
Now one of the things that I always talk about with my clients is, and if you can put this on a piece of paper, make three columns.
In column one, I want you to put goal. In column two, I want you to put thought and in column three, I want you to put action.
So whatever in life your goal is, you need to keep in mind that your thoughts must be aligned with that goal, your thoughts, and that means what you think and what you say, your vocabulary.
I've been talking a lot in my weekly coaching group about vocabulary lately. So what your vocabulary is around that goal and also what your actions are around that goal, making sure that those actions are alignable actions.
The other thing you want to do is really look at, and I'm all about the training.
You really want to make sure that your training as an actor is where it needs to be.
Now, that again, click on the link in the show notes, that again, I am willing to help you with. Send me your picture, send me your resume, tell me what kind of class or what kind of skill you are really looking for.
Looking to work on with your new pivot with that. Let me help you.
I'm offering this to you for free. So let me help you because this business is so tough.
It is so important that you stay on top of your skills that you stay on top of them.
Don't ever underestimate how good you need to be as a casting director, I need you to be good at your job.
Now that may involve you taking new classes or gaining experience in some other way.
But this is the thing we want you to be competitive. And therefore we need your skills to be at the level that other working actors are at.
The next thing I want you to think about is leveraging your existing network. In my signature course, The Working Actor Road Map, and in my weekly class, which is the Weekly Accountability Group, I talk all the time about a follow up list and staying on top of your follow up list.
Because you really want to be reaching out to those connections.
Now the thing is, you may not even realize that you have valuable connections. Again, I can guide you with this, networking and making relationships with casting directors, with writers, directors, film festivals at film festivals, these are all things that you can do.
Again, this business is a lot about letting go of the things you cannot change or control.
And really embracing and handling and managing and changing the things you can. So I want to help you to get really clear. And in this step, I want you to look at what are the things in this business that are out of my control and what are the things that I want to change that are in my control.
And I want you to put that here when you're talking about your networking.
How can I network more? How can I get myself out there more? Again, if you need help, click on the link in the show notes and we will talk about it.
The other thing is as I want you to look at, and this is again where I get very woogie about putting this in a podcast just for general consumption, because I have a theory about your materials.
You want to be going over your materials. That's the next step here. But this is the thing. The biggest mistake that I feel actors make is that their materials don't speak the language of the agents and the casting directors.
And I want to put it to you this way. If let's say you have a day job. Okay, I want you to think of certain jargon that is spoken in your day job, or maybe your hometown, or maybe at your college, or your acting school. A jargon.
And I want you to think of three words, like three big words, that if somebody brand new came into your university or your day job and they didn't speak those three words, what would you know about them?
One, that they're new. Two, that they're not really in the know.
And three, if you're gonna be in charge of them, you're gonna have to explain it all to them.
That's how it is for casting directors and agents and managers.
We want to be working with people who are, who already know the jargon, who are already speaking our language, because we don't have time to teach you.
But I do. And that's the thing that I really want to stress. It is that you need your materials. If you're going to be revamping them, if you're looking for an exfoliation of your acting career, we gotta talk. And the reason is because you will be deleted or discarded if your materials don't speak the language of the agents and the casting directors.
So again, another tip here is to really go over your materials.
Next bit is, and this is a big one. Start with small steps. And I talk about this a lot. Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. Big steps, giving yourself big steps in your acting career is just going to lead to nothing getting done.
Why? Because our perfectionism kicks up. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, which leads to paralysis.
So that is why we want to make it baby steps. When we do baby steps, one, we're more likely to get it done.
And two, when we get it done, we build that incredible thing that money can't buy, which is self esteem and self worth and the confidence to go on to the next step.
So baby step it.
The next one I want to tell you about is seeking mentorship. And again, that is why I started off this podcast saying, hey, if you need someone to guide you through this, I'm here.
Schedule a free consult with me. Let's work it out.
Because you do need those outside eyes to guide you. And you want it to be someone who is qualified in this industry.
Okay, last one. And this is a core work one. Oh baby, you know it because it's me, which is to be prepared for setbacks and stay resilient.
Making a shift, making a pivot, can take time and may involve setbacks. And I know that freaking sucks to say, because already you're making a pivot because you've had a setback. And let's be honest, 2024 has been a rough time for the industry.
The thing is that you want to embrace the lessons that you're learning.
You want to stay patient. You want to focus on small wins, and you want to progress.
The fact of the matter is this is your dream. And you've only got one life to live. So let's freaking go for it.
Remember, being resilient is key in staying alive. motivated.
And of course, all of my podcasts are here to help you. And so am I.
So if you want, if you would like to be brave, or you want to get that mentorship, click on the link in the show notes, and I'll be happy to help.
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Today I'm going to talk about reframing disappointment.
One of my favorite quotes. It's from Dr. Wayne Dyer, he says “Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.”
And in reframing disappointment, we need to look at it in a different way.
So I'm going to give you a few tips.
I'm going to give you some Action steps to do when you face disappointment and hopefully that will help you to move through it because again, another one of my favorite quotes, again, a top five is Robert Frost, which is the “best way out is always through.”
So this podcast is about moving you through disappointment.
Number one, acknowledge the disappointment. And this is so important. One of my phrases that I teach is awareness, acceptance, and action. Obviously, you are aware of the disappointment, but you really need to accept it. And acknowledge it so that you can then move on through the rest of this podcast to take action to reframe it and also learn from it and move on from it.
So it's important to first allow yourself to feel disappointment, rather than suppressing it. Another one of my little phrases is, feelings aren't facts.
And also, feelings aren't going to kill you.
And also, this is survivable.
Whatever happened that's disappointing you, it is survivable.
But it is important to feel your feelings.
One of my favorite ways to feel my feelings, especially when they're a bit confused or jumbled, is to make a cup of tea and to start writing it out.
And I just literally do stream of consciousness. And it can be even, I don't know what the hell to write, I don't know what to do this is what happened and then I describe the whole thing and as I'm describing it, the feelings come out and hopefully some tears come out or some anger or I do a run or something like that.
But it helps me to feel those feelings because suppressing it is not going to help.
Recognizing your emotions helps you to process them in a healthy way.
Everything I just talked about is processing your emotions in a healthy way, which is the first step towards reframing the situation and moving forward.
So our first step is to acknowledge the disappointment. Again, awareness, acceptance, action, journal, those feelings out. Exercise those feelings out, but feel those feelings so they don't get suppressed.
The second one, a personal favorite of mine, although it's not very pleasant while you're going through it, is to identify the lessons learned.
I have said so many times that my biggest mistakes have been my greatest teachers.
Every setback is a learning opportunity and has a learning opportunity, take the time to analyze what went wrong and what you can gain from the experience.
You could've done that audition, did it to the absolute best of your ability, and still not have gotten the part. And you're like, you know what? I left it all on the floor. I did everything I could, and yet I still didn't get the role.
Maybe what you learned is, that's the level you need to be performing at because you know you can perform at that rate.
One of the things I think is so painful is living with the knowledge that you could be doing so much better, that you could be doing so much better.
Trust me, that feeling is so much worse than walking through your fears to reach your full potential.
That's so much more painful than being brave and best way out is always through walking through your biggest fears, because once you've conquered those biggest fears, then there is absolutely no limit to what you can achieve.
So that is why it is so important to take the time to analyze what happened and what you can gain from the experience, understand how you can grow from this disappointment or this setback really helps you to shift your focus from this being a failure, to actually an incredible growth experience.
And I know that's distasteful and makes you have just a little bit of bile in your mouth. But it's the truth. It's the truth.
Your biggest mistakes are your best teachers. But take the time to learn the lesson. So you don't have to go through it again.
Focus on what you can control.
Now big thing I talk about is the serenity prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change other people, places, things, or situations. Courage to change the things I can. I can only change myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions, and wisdom to know the difference between what I cannot change and control, which is other people, places, things, and situations, and what I can manage and handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
Disappointment often stems from outcomes outside of your control.
That first part that grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Other people, places, things, or situations I can't change or control them.
What I want to do is to refocus my energy on what is within my power, which is courage to change things.
The things I can, which is courage to change, manage, handle my thoughts, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
And by doing that, by looking at what is within my power, again, my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, those things, those decisions, that mindset, by shifting my attention to the things that I can do something about, what happens is that I regain a sense of agency and purpose.
Also another tip is to reframe the failure as feedback.
Instead of viewing a career disappointment as a personal failure, reframe it as constructive feedback.
Again, what you can learn, and what you can gain, and what you can change.
Really get this disappointment as constructive feedback. How can you make it work for you instead of against you?
Ask yourself, what insights this experience offers and how can it guide you to further actions?
The next time I intend to fill in the blank, fill in the blank.
This perspective turns a negative event into a tool for, yes, you guessed it, Improvement.
Next one. Practice gratitude for your progress.
Often disappointment makes us overlook the progress that we've made so far.
I always talk about progress, not perfection.
Look back at your entire career journey and appreciate the milestones you have achieved. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. This will help you to keep a balanced perspective, reminding you that one setback does not define your overall success, or define you as a human being.
I am what I am. Embrace that.
And again, don't let this one thing define who you are.
Next one, we're getting to the last couple here, is set new goals.
Maybe you need to baby step it a little bit more.
Remember anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Break those larger objectives into smaller, actionable steps allows you to rebuild your momentum and focus on progress rather than dwelling on past outcomes rather than dwelling on past outcomes.
You want to rebuild that momentum. You want to get yourself going again.
And sometimes by breaking it down into those bite sized pieces that you know you can swallow, those smaller action steps that you know you can take, you will achieve a little more self esteem to help you to gain confidence.
The ability to achieve those bigger goals in the long run.
It's like slowing down in order to speed up.
Next one, talking to mentors, peers, or friends can help provide a fresh perspective on disappointment.
They can offer advice.
They can share their own experience, strength, and hope, and remind you of the Truth with a capital T, that setbacks are common, are a common part of life, and also career development.
And also, support from friends and your mentors can help you to build your career resilience.
Last one. Embrace the long term view. A single disappointment is rarely the end of your career path.
OMG, when I was an actress starting out, I wouldn't get a call back and I would cry for days.
And then at some point I realized that if that was going to be my approach to my career, I wasn't going to make it to 20.
I was wrecked. I just would beat myself up terribly. Beating ourselves up. Stop. End beating ourselves to a pulp so that we feel we are such a horrible person is not the way to go.
We need to, again, take those little baby steps to build that self esteem. When reframing disappointment, remind yourself that success is a process and is also a long term journey.
This perspective helps reduce the emotional weight of short term setbacks and also reinforces your commitment to your acting career.
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Today I am talking with Jocelyn Sandstrom about quantum manifestation.
About Jocelyn:
Growing up in Hawaii, Jocelyn has lived and worked in 12 different countries. This experience has allowed her to realize that even though we may speak different languages or have different traditions, at our core, we are all the same. She has used this knowledge to help and support clients around the world in creating next-level success not just in their careers but in their personal lives as well.
Since 2010, she has been providing Quantum Energy Sessions and teaching Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Neurological Re-patterning, and the Millennium Method to clients globally.
In 2022, she founded Wellness and Metaphysical, a community-driven platform that promotes a higher level of consciousness through expos and retreats.
Jocelyn's mindset and energy work have propelled her career, allowing her to work with leading global luxury brands like Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Fendi, Cartier, Tiffany & Co., Christian Louboutin, and Yves Saint Laurent, among others.
She has been featured on the covers of Elle, Marie Claire, Esquire, Harper's Bazaar, and more.
Alongside her husband, she has hosted two travel shows and appeared in various feature and short films.
Now, she is focused on sharing her knowledge and experience through coaching and mentoring to help others to quantum leap their reality.
Jocelyn specializes in helping clients release deep-rooted issues from their past that are holding them back. She supports clients in building not just success but also fulfillment at the same time because success without fulfillment is empty, leading to burnout and anxiety. She supports her clients to discover their authentic truth and share that with the world, magnetizing their energy to start attracting people and opportunities out of the blue, enabling them to fall in love with themselves and their life while creating more success than ever before!
How did you get into quantum manifestation?
So basically I got into doing this one because my mom got sick in 2002 and so it was my inspiration to really dive into this world and I helped her to get better naturally and then through that at the same time I was working on my career when I was modeling and I was able to take that career to a place beyond my wildest dreams through quantum manifestation.
And I just kept blowing my mind over every time I would work on something and a job would show up or an opportunity would show up. And so much so that my husband was like, what in the world is it that you're doing? And he ended up taking all the classes because he couldn't believe it as well because we lived in such a fixed reality of you do this, then this happens, you do this, then this happens.
But when you play with quantum manifestation, you're co creating with the universe, things in your life that don't make sense, that drop in out of the blue, those magic emails, opportunities, chance encounters, being in the right place at the right time. And every time that happens, it quantum leaps you to a whole other energy.
And so my passion is to share that with the world, because really, we don't need to be doing it the hard way anymore.
There's this way that we haven't tapped into yet that just helps you to collapse time. And my passion is to help everybody to do that.
My big thing is about waking up every day, suiting up, showing up, and reporting for duty.
I so strongly believe that the universe has a much better plan for me than I do.
Because I have all of my limiting beliefs that I've brought with me throughout my, throughout my life.
And I have found that, that suiting up, showing up and reporting for duty, really, it's amazing how fast things work.
Can you talk about the very beginning process of quantum manifestation?
So there's a couple of different things. The first one is being able, I call it tapping into your inner knowing or your inner soul knowing, whatever word you want to use for that.
We all know, I truly know that any of my dreams and visions are my soul or my inner knowing showing me what it came here to experience.
And so to me in quantum physics, past, present, future, it's now like it's happened. It's a future memory, a future echo showing me what's coming.
If I show up every single day and take aligned action.
It's the knowing that's inside.
If you listen to any actor that's doing their acceptance speech, it's this is for everybody that told me I couldn't I knew that I could, and when I first took my career to the next level, I was told by everybody that you're too old. You don't have the right look.
You're not this, you're not that. Can't do it. And I'm like, no, watch me.
And I just, that was so deep that I didn't let people suppress it. And so every single day I took aligned action. I know that we are an energetic match for our goals. The only thing in the way is our beliefs, our doubts, our worries, all of these stories that it then has to come through to find us.
And so my job is to help you to find those beliefs, to shift them out, to clear those worries so it can drop in faster.
And so if you just tap into that inner knowing, I have a soul evolution process.
Anybody can message me on Instagram.
If you do that every single day, you're going to cultivate your inner knowing to be stronger than your conditioned mind.
Our job is to override the conditioned mind.
Our conditioned mind is going to give us more of what exists.
Like you said, that your soul, the universe, your knowing has a bigger plan.
Like I always tell my conditioned mind to let go of the steering wheel and let my soul take me on the ride of my life.
Because what's waiting for me on the other side is beyond my wildest imagination.
So if I try and figure out the how, I limit myself, I kill the magic, and I get stuck in more of the same. And we're not here to play in more of the same. We're here to innovate and create and bring in the next level of things.
Two thought and power systems. There's the ego thought system and power system which is finite. And then there's the universe's power and thought system which is infinite.
And what I want to be living is in the infinite. But that has taken me to really work on.
And what I love about quantum manifestation is that we're really talking about moving it as fast as it possibly can, and easier.
So the thing is with quantum manifestation in the past, I used to manifest like individual things, right? Like I want this and then I want this and then I'm so exhausted because I had to put all my energy into manifesting that one thing that I'm like, okay, I need a break, right? Instead of just continuing to go.
In quantum manifestation, we don't work on the projection, we don't work on the symptoms, we work on the root.
We work on that root to shift that root from the core so that you're just being. You are just being this new way that all that other stuff just works.
So once you shift that, it's when you're trying to untangle your hair, if you start from here, it takes forever, right?
But if you start from here, it's, it just untangles effortlessly.
That's the core, like really tapping into that inner knowing from yourself, reprogramming those beliefs, any trigger, any fear, any anxiety, there's a belief there, there's a story, there's something that we picked up that's not serving us, that's allowing us to be triggered.
And so you just need to find what that is and shift that story out. An easy way to do it without the reprogramming process, is if you've really if you've really anchored in your knowing from within and you know that's the plan that's coming you know that it's inevitable if you just show up and take a line action every single day.
I do soul work so if you tap into the inner power of your infinite soul because all our souls are same power but different or one of the same and so if you recognize that a lot of these things are just the conditioned mind of what we took on, but they're not our soul.
If we're afraid of taking a leap because we're afraid of the rejection, the only part of us that's going to be bruised is our ego, not our soul.
Our soul is infinite. And so if you can tap into that knowing and into that power, you can override a lot of the stories. You can say, Hey, that's not mine. That's my parents. That's societies. That's from a past life, whatever it is. And you can remember who you are, which is limitless, which is infinite potentiality.
And so a lot of times just that can shed some of those beliefs.
Other beliefs are so deep that we have to do a reprogramming process on them because your conditioned mind is so afraid of letting them go because it doesn't know what's going to happen, right? But when you can just cultivate that every single day to override it.
And I love that because I love it. Yeah. Blow my mind every single day. I'm like universe blow my mind today.
It's really change your thoughts, change your world. But it's not only your thoughts. You said something very pertinent that I think is so important, which is you're changing your thoughts every day. And you're changing your actions.
It cannot be just one or the other.
So you have your goal.
You need to make sure that all of your thoughts are aligned with that goal. And you need to make sure your daily actions are aligned with that goal.
You're taking aligned action or what is going to bring the most value to your vision, not just doing all the time, we're like, no, we're very clear that what is going to bring the most value to this. If I could do everything, what's that one thing that I could do today?
I also talk about for those of you who are older tuning, if you can imagine a radio dial Getting it off the station of ego and turning it on to the station of the universe, if that makes sense.
What do you tell the disbelievers? The people who are like, the universe has it out for me. Nothing ever good happens to me and I don't believe anything ever will.
I used to have to do everything the hard way because my condition mind needed to prove that I didn't, I wasn't the lucky one that I didn't, it didn't just fall into my lap that I'm not, it's just not easy for me. And it's not like for everybody else.
Until I realized I don't want to live that life. Like I don't need to prove to you. If I get to live an easy life, I'm the one that's riding the, riding down the lazy river. I don't care what other people think. So that's when I realized I'm not here to prove it to anybody. Like I'm here to live it. And if you want to hop on, I'll give you the secret. And if not. That's totally fine. You can continue to live that.
The other thing is, we validate whatever story we desire to validate over and over again.
Because we're the ones that get to live this life, and if you don't want to, that's totally fine, everyone has a different journey, some people want that journey, and that's perfect, it's exactly as it's meant to be for them, it's just not my journey anymore and validating it someone will come to me and they'll say, this always happens, I always attract these people, I always get to this point, and then it just sabotages, or whatever it is, and I'm like, okay, always, and they say, No, not always, but this.
And I'm like, okay, congratulations. You validated it. Do you want to keep validating that? Or do you want to start validating a story that you actually want to live?
Because You can say, I'm not, I'm just not confident and all of these reasons why you're not confident, but you're very confident that you're not confident, right?
Or I just can't trust, I just can't trust this happens and this happens, but you can't trust that you can't trust, but you trust that you can't trust or that I'm not the creator of my reality. Everything is outside of my hands. And so you just continue to show up that way. So of course, you're going to have a reality that's out of your hands, but once you decide what you want that narrative to be and you start validating it like the red car theory.
If you were driving down the street, how many red cars did you see? But then the next day if you did, how many red cars would you see if you were looking for the red cars? Like you'd see a red car down an alley parked somewhere because you were looking for it, right?
So just make your new story, your red car, of course, there's a lot more to it than that, but that's where you get to start.
You get to say, okay, what are all these patterns showing up in my life that aren't in my life that aren't serving me?
And do I continue to want to have this pattern or what would I like to shift it to instead?
And how do I then stop validating that story and start validating this story?
And once you do that, your whole world is going to shift.
Sayings is from Dr. Wayne Dyer changed the way you look at things and the things you look at change. A hundred million percent and overnight.
Yeah. It's overnight. That's the crazy thing. I didn't realize how fast it would be. Like I used to always attract people into my life, so called attract, because, and we'd always start out at the same point. Yeah. But by the end of it, I'd be doing all the work, whether it was a partnership, whether it was a corporate company.
By the end, I'd be always doing this. And I couldn't understand why I keep attracting these people until I did the inner work and realized, oh, it's because I didn't think I was worthy and deserving. So I'd start out this way, but then I kept having to prove that I was good enough. And so I'd keep taking on the work.
And if they say, can you do this? I'd say yes. Or if they didn't do it, I'd say, don't worry about it. I'll do it for you. I got you. You take a rest, and then I would, I was bringing, I was creating it out of them. And the minute I realized that, and I said, stopped and I saw one of my ex partners and just randomly, and I was like, I'm not that person anymore. I know who I am.
And I spoke to her, same power, but different. All of a sudden, the relationship changed instantly. And she started asking me questions and offering me things. I had no idea it would happen that fast. That's how fast we can change our reality.
We get to fall in love with our life in an instant. If we realize that we're in love, that everything we're living now, there is a younger version of us that dreamed about it and manifested it.
And so if we live this life for them and stop like living on the next chapter, we get to live this life, like that version of us that dreamed about it, like this house that I used to drive by every day envisioning my son playing in the yard and all of those things and then you move in and you're like okay that's great what's next right but then now I sit there and I watch him and Iwatch him in the yard like that girl that used to drive by I watch it for her and I feel the feels deep in gratitude while i'm creating the next level so instantly your life changes because just like the frequency on the radio you've now shifted your frequency to gratitude you're no longer in lack you're now in abundance And when you're in the abundance frequency, you just start attracting more abundance.
And it just becomes that you get to love this incredible life that you get to live while you're creating the next level instead of, I just need to get there.
Can you talk about how you work with actors in particular? Just like any industry, it doesn't matter what it is. We just go in and we find what those blocks are.
I'll ask you, what's that pattern that's coming up? What's the thing that you've been like you plateaued in, or what's that thing that you want to open up that you want to call in when everybody says you can't.
If you know that it's possible, I know it's possible.
So then we go on a deep dive and we discover what are those blocks, where are they coming from? What story are we going to shift it to? What are we going to reprogram from the root so that you now just create this new reality where it just flows and drops into your life.
It becomes effortless because you're just getting the things that are in the way out. So you become magnetized. When your energy is magnetized, you're not chasing the butterflies. You're building the garden. So the butterflies come to you. You will start receiving emails or opportunities in your, or you run into somebody at the Starbucks and be that thing. That's how I started doing corporate workshops, right?
I wanted to do a corporate workshop and I was doing all the behind the scenes actions, and then the universe is okay, you're ready. And they dropped in a CEO and told them and said, Oh yeah, I have a team. I said, absolutely. I train, I do that. Suddenly the proposal I did, boom, you quantum leap into that.
So when it's acting, it's the same thing. Those roles, those meetings, the right people, the right place at the right time, we just got to clear out the stuff that's getting in the way.
That's already trying to make its way to you, but it's going through all of this stuff. And so when your job is to just be in the zone, to get in the zone and be in the zone to amplify your magnet your magnetism, you let your energy in the universe do the work for you.
But of course there's aligned action that we're going to have to take. And a lot of times aligned action is not comfortable, but that's why I'm here. To help you to make it comfortable, right?
So on that subject, I'm going to use myself as the guinea pig and I'm going to talk, tell you how I have come through this and then I would love to get your feedback.
I have always from, and I'm validating it right now because I just consider it to be a fact, I have suffered from anxiety pretty much my whole life up until a few years ago when somehow the thing, if you ask me, what is the thing that frightens you most in the world, I will tell you, having a panic attack.
Or getting that anxiety. And I know what that is. But then this started to happen. I went, that's not gonna go away, that is a pattern that I live with. And so if I just accept that it is a pattern that I live with, and I started to realize there were things that I could do that when it would come up would diminish it, and then I would walk through it, and then I'd get something else.
I'd get the confidence that I know how to deal with it, which was like humongous confidence, right?
So self esteem. So much so that a situation that I now can't even remember what it was happened, I don't know, a week ago, that the anxiety didn't come up anymore.
Because I know that when it comes up, I will be able to deal with it because I have found the antidote for those specific things that I use tough love, I know what aligned action I need to take when it comes up.
So that's how I have worked through it.
And to this day, continue to do it and will continue to do it. And like I said, The anxiety doesn't come up as much, but would you say, and I'm even being brave asking it because I'm like, okay, I got it. I got it. I don't even want to know more, but I no longer want to be afraid of it coming up anymore because again, I know how to deal with it.
Is that how you deal with it? Or do you think you just don't have anxiety anymore, because on some level, I do think, it's not that I don't have anxiety anymore, but it certainly, it isn't stopping me anymore, so I'm curious to get your feedback on that.
The first thing, if you're I believe what I would do. What you did is amazing. Like basically our conditioned mind is here to keep us safe. And so if you push yourself out of your comfort zone, your conditioned mind is going to pull you back because that's the conditioned mind's job.
But the work I do is tapping into the infinite power from the infinite soul to override the conditioned mind.
Which it sounds like that you did, you were able to find, regulate their nervous system, pull yourself out of it to show your conditioned mind that it doesn't have to be afraid for you, right?
And so the more that you build that confidence, the more that your conditioned mind can slowly start to relax.
However, you do that in whatever modality you do that. You do that and then so it gets to relax because it knows that you got this because you say you're going to do something and then you do it.
You're taking the aligned action.
You're making the brave moves and you're showing your conditioned mind that you got this.
Now the way that I would help my clients is because I like to do things fast. And I like to quantum leap. Is I'll go straight to the root. And I'll reprogram it. And we'll go do a reprogramming process to discover where it's coming from to begin with. What happened that's causing your conditioned mind to have so much fear for you?
Then go back, reprogram that and shift it out from the root so that thing's not even there. Because fear is an illusion, right? Fear comes from a story. When I was working on clearing my fear of heights and I was going to jump off this rock in Hawaii at Waimea Bay, a lot of people might know about it, I only ever jumped off the lower level, never the high, highest level.
And this isn't like a crazy fear. So I knew I could do it by myself.
And on the way up, I was reprogramming myself to shift it out. And this 12 year old girl is just like running around, jumping off, coming back, running around, jumping off. And I had this clear, I was like, thank you universe, because I had this clear vision of what the illusion of this fear was that this girl didn't have in her reality.
And so that's just something that my conditioned mind picked up, but that's not my soul.
And so that was also a piece that helped me to release it, to recognize this isn't even real. I created a story around it. That created this. And so when you can poke holes in the illusion and when you can reprogram it from the root, it's no longer in your reality anymore.
It's just not even a thing.
And then if it does come up again, we get to reprogram it again.
But as you do this more and more, you're going to override it.
It is a thing if you keep saying you have it. So I'm not saying you don't have to gaslight yourself and say, No, I don't have it.
But just neutralize it to the point that it's just something that you're shifting through. And that's it. But you don't say that I have it anymore. Because the minute that we say that we have it, we pull ourselves right back into it. But it's just okay, I'm shifting through this. I'm growing through this, I used to have severe.
Now it's just something that I'm overriding. And then one day you're just not even going to think about it. It's going to be like, oh my gosh, like I used to have that? Yeah. You know what I mean?
I love the idea of neutralize.
That's a great word because I feel like my anxiety has been neutralized. Just something I never thought would be possible. And so I do want to say that for people who are listening, I also love this thing about saying that you're going to do it and then doing it.
And the more and the more you do it, the more trust you build up in yourself, how you do one thing is how you do all things.
And I think that pick one thing that you are going to be, or I always say, pick one thing that you're going to be disciplined in doing.
And then if you do that, you can spring off so much more just from that.
You're talking about anxiety, but as actors go into readings, and all of these things, there's so much emotions that go through it, right?
What if we cleared all of those emotions so you could just go in and you could just be? Your most magnetic self, what if you could magnetize your energy that like, you're in a room and all of a sudden you turn and you don't know why and you're drawn to this person who's just so magnetized.
You don't know what they do. You don't know who they are. You just are drawn to their energy. What if you could magnetize your energy that way? And so when you walk into the room, people say that they walked into the room and I just knew, right? What if you could do that? Becausethere's that movie I feel pretty.
You remember that movie with Amy Schumer?
It's like a whole belief shift movie. It's hilarious. And so in this movie, she wants to look a certain way and she doesn't like the way she looks and she hits her head and she wakes up thinking that she looks that way, even though the whole rest of the world sees her as she was, but she thought she looked this way.
And so she, because she believed she created that belief shift, that she looked that way. She walked around the entire world in that belief shift. In that reality and so if someone insulted her in her mind, there's no way it could ever be an insult. She just thought they were insecure and she's oh, it's okay.
It could be intimidating to be around me.
And she was just in her power and all of a sudden people were like, who is this woman? I want to be around her.
Watch that movie because it's a belief shift in action. And all it was her belief. That then she reframed everything and her whole life changed because it's our beliefs.
It's us doing it to ourselves.
As I become more confident within myself, as I become more comfortable in the skin and living the life of Peter Pamela Rose, which is the only one I have the choice to live in, I find that people are drawn to me.
And it's so interesting and I so strongly believe that I always talk about chiropractor for the mind being about emotional self sufficiency that we understand how we tick, how we operate and everything that's just exactly what we just say it in different ways.
And that's why I wanted to have you on because maybe the way you say it makes more sense to someone than the way I say it, and maybe the way you say it of the way I say it makes more sense than the way you say it. And that's how it all expands, so freaking brilliant.
And anyway, but this idea that of being, emotionally self sufficient. Oh my gosh, then we don't have to be so frightened of ourselves.
Or anything. People feel that. They feel they want to be around you. They feel the safety in that. They can't explain what it is. Yeah. They're just drawn to it. And not only are you then the ripple and the inspiration, but you're living your best life at the same time.
You're feeling this fulfillment and satisfaction, which then magnifies you even more, I just imagine going around, we get to go around the world that way. We get to be the ripple wherever we go. And this is bigger than just, us taking our careers to the next level. This is us rippling out into the world, into the store that we go on, wherever it is that we go, we bring that morphic field with us, wherever we go.
And we shift the reality, not just for us, but for the whole world.
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Kick Your Acting Career in Gear
Okay, so today's podcast is motivated by someone writing to me, wanting to me to talk a little bit about nepo babies, nepotism.
Of course, I'm going to say that nepotism and keeping the focus on yourself is the key.
The focus because there's nothing you can do about somebody else is, birthrights or relatives, but you can do something about keeping the focus on yourself because that is your birthright.
So my wonderful listener gave me this topic and she asked what my take on nepo babies and their advantages and disadvantages are in booking roles or projects.
Again, what I would say is this is not something that you can control. And I talk about this in terms of the serenity prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference.
And what that means for me is to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Means I cannot change. Make your ears grow bigger.
Or control other people, places, things, or situations.
So whether I'm going up for a role where there is someone's famous relative going up for the role, As well, that is not something I can change or control.
Courage to change the things I can. I can only change, manage, or handle myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
My focus on that audition, regardless of who else is up for it.
And wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom, my favorite word in the American language.
Wisdom to know the difference. And that wisdom is the ability to know what I cannot control, which is other people, places, and things. And I can't change that either.
And what I can change, manage, handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions. So the ability to differentiate that.
So my take on NEPO babies and their advantages and disadvantages in booking roles and projects, it's none of my damn business. My business is to stay focused on my work and what I can do for my life.
This listener goes on to say, “What chance do I have, if I even have the opportunity to compete with one?”
Again, none of my damn business.
It doesn't matter who else is up for the role.
It matters that I am up for the role. And that I take advantage of every opportunity that I have.
And I need to do that by being good at my job, by being good at the business.
But most of all, by knowing me, by being emotionally self-sufficient, I can get myself over these mental and emotional hurdles, so that I can do my job.
I want to see, there was one more thing she said that I really liked.
She mentions this, and then kind of goes with this, but I want to add it in because I think it's so good and you may relate to this. “I had just said to a friend, I feel like I'm always coming in second.”
This is what I would say: Second best is only one step behind the first.
Second is one step behind first.
And last week I talked about tenacity and I talked about doubling down.
If you feel that you're always coming in second or third or you're getting the avail but you're not getting the job or you're getting put on hold and you're not getting the job, my joke is all the different ways we can, we we can term that avail check, pinned, first refusal.
If you find that's where you're at, it is time to listen to that Podcast episode, the one before this, right after you finish listening to this one and doubling down on your commitment.
I also want to just give you a few tips on keeping the focus on yourself because I always like to be at the cause of my life and not at the effect of it.
And if you think about the theme of this particular podcast it's right in there.
The first one is this, and I said it before, but avoid comparison and despair.
It's a wonderful little phrase. Compare and despair.
Focus on your own journey and progress rather than mention than measuring yourself against others.
Rather than measuring yourself against others. Another great one is watch measuring someone else's.
Stop putting your self worth on and depending on other people's outsides by judging on your insides.
It's just not comparable.
The other thing is to prioritize self care. Make sure that you're taking good care of you.
So that you don't abandon yourself.
I did a great podcast a little while ago that got more listens than just about any other podcast I did about abandoning the self.
Regularly engage in activities that nourish your physical, mental, and emotional being, and I talked about last podcast allowing me to be your mentor, allowing me to be that positive voice in your life, listen to these podcasts while you're doing the dishes, you're doing the laundry, you're doing the mundane.
Because one of the things that I did while I was really starting this work, is on my cassette tapes, I would listen to, that's how long ago it was, I would listen to positive messages.
So no matter what I was doing, I had positive messages going in, not the crap that was going on between my ears.
And the final one that I want to tell you about today is really setting personal boundaries.
Learning how to say no to distractions or demands that take you away from what it is you really want.
Your personal goals and your priorities. Personal growth.
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Kick Your Acting Career in Gear
Okay, so let's talk about being tenacious.
The number one thing about being tenacious is actually embracing it.
And I talk about this in terms of my own experience, which is that my biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.
My biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.
And really understanding, when you make a mistake or you have a roadblock, you don't get a role that you really thought you were going to, is looking at the situation and asking yourself, what can I learn from this?
And if what you can learn from it is what my mom always told me when I was a little kid, which is you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again.
And sometimes the hardest parts of this business, I was going to get emotional about this, has really shown me how incredibly strong I am.
How incredibly strong and resilient I am.
And what that teaches me is self confidence, and self esteem.
Persistence comes from resistance.
Diamonds are made under pressure.
The other thing I want to talk about in terms of tenacity is maintaining focus.
I think that is another huge lesson, one of the things I find when I start to get scattered is I tell myself to double down on my focus, double down on what it is I want to do to achieve.
And just like I can look at my setbacks and write down what I've learned from that.
What I can ask myself in maintaining focus is what do I need to do to double down?
What do I need to bet stronger on me and on this goal that I have, keeping in mind my long term vision and not letting distractions or setbacks derail me from making progress towards my dream.
The other slogan I love in this is progress, not perfection.
Because remember, perfectionism is something that derails me and it derails me because with perfectionism, I get procrastination. And with procrastination I get paralysis.
And that is the absolute opposite of what I need in staying tenacious in my acting career.
The third thing I want to talk about is breaking it down.
Now if you know anything about me, I am a big one on baby stepping.
Because sometimes I'm either too frightened, or too intimidated, or too tired, or too scattered to focus on something big.
I need to break it down into bite sized pieces.
Now, not that I advocate eating elephants, but anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Setting small, achievable milestones to make the pursuit of my goal less overwhelming and more manageable is key.
And also I think what's important is what am I going to do to celebrate?
What am I going to do to celebrate my win for today?
I'm watching a television show that I'm really enjoying.
Because I say to myself at the end of the day, I'm going to make dinner and I'm going to organize myself for the next day.
And then I'm just going to, I'm really going to enjoy watching this show because I've put in a good day's work.
The other thing about that is something that a friend of mine told me at the very beginning of doing this work, which is I'm only responsible for today.
I'm only responsible for putting my head forward.
I'm going to be talking about the importance of being on the pillow tonight.
That's all I'm responsible for from now until then.
And this one, this next one is huge. Cultivating self discipline.
Consistently pushing myself to work hard even when motivation is low or progress feels slow.
Now, one of the biggest self-disciplines that I have is my physical fitness. It was something that I started at the end of the pandemic. And it was something that I applied using one of the tools that I talked about before, which is I doubled down.
I decided I was really going to push myself.
Because how I do one thing is how I do all things.
So if you can get disciplined in one area of your life, it's going to help you to get disciplined in other areas of your life.
Remember how you do one thing, that is how you do all things.
The other thing, and this is my last little tip, is surrounding yourself with positivity.
Now sometimes that's difficult because either the people you live with or your family or maybe even some of your closest friends may not be able to support you.
But you can support you.
You can listen to me. This podcast, have it going on in your ears as you walk down the street, as you drive in your car, as you do your dishes, as you do your laundry, as you do the mundane.
Have positive messages like these core work sessions or maybe one of the interviews from the past.
We have over 200 podcasts here.
Let me be your positive mentor.
Let me help you.
Let me be there for you.
Because we want to be seeking out those positive messages, those positive mentors, peers, and environments that encourage your ambition and your growth.
And that's why I always say, I also think watching shows or movies that get you, and that can even be a silly action film that gets you going, that get you psyched. Another thing that I use is music to get me going, to make me realize that even though things may not look good, they really are.
So let's go over those little tips again. So I talked about embracing your setbacks. I talked about maintaining focus. I talked about breaking it down.
Remember, anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. I talked about cultivating self discipline. How you do one thing is how you do all things. all things.
And I talked about surrounding yourself with positivity. We have a wonderfully positive community here at Acting Business Boot Camp.
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This week we're going to talk about gossip.
Oh my god, I used to love gossip.
I used to love to talk about other people, what they were doing. Ugh, it was so amazing. Can you tell I was a teenager in the 80s?
But today I'm going to talk about why gossip is actually not that great.
And I have really been the target of gossip as well, and maybe I had to burn through some karma there.
It's really hurtful, so hurtful when you are the one being gossiped about and you find out that somebody else is saying something about you, whether it's good or bad.
If it's good, it's nice, but if it's not so nice, it's not great. And I think we probably have all been on both sides of it.
If not, you're probably not human.
But I want to talk about why it's not great as an actor.
And it's something that I have really honed in on.
It's been a long time now, but yeah, it's just something that I've really tried to curb. Because it's not nice. Gossip isn't nice.
And I know this is not this might be one of those podcasts where you're like, I don't want to listen to this one. Let's listen to another one.
But if you're feeling that way, make your ears grow bigger.
So here's the thing about gossip. Number one. I have five points about this. It erodes trust.
Yeah. It's very hard for me to trust someone who's talking shit about somebody else.
Basically, what it does is gossip, it undermines. It undermines trust. It really undermines, and I also, there was once I had an acting teacher at Guildhall who said, if you don't want to be judged, don't judge.
Because it really undermines trust, and especially if you're in a production of some sort, whether that be film, television, theater, commercial, it doesn't matter, it really erodes trust.
It also creates an environment, and you create your own environment in this industry of suspicion. And it breeds insecurity.
Oh my god, let's talk about acting class.
I want my acting class where I need to be free, to be free of gossip and bad talk.
And the thing is that people then if there's an environment of that, you become wary.
You become wary of sharing personal information that really might be helpful for the work.
And isn't that what we're trying to do? To become better actors. They may feel or someone may feel or I may feel that information that I shared while trying to find truth in a character might be misused or spread or might damage a relationship.
So this idea that, gossip at the moment sometimes it feels so good, and let's talk about why it feels so good.
It feels so good because it gets the focus off of ourselves.
I have to tell you, I just had this feeling come over me, which was like, yuck. And that's the whole thing. Gossip is really yuck.
Because what it is doing is It brings me back to this phrase, winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.
And that's why gossip is so harmful to us, but also to others.
But I wanted to do a podcast about this because I feel this is not a subject that is brought up enough around in the acting community.
And it needs to be because we are a creative community.
The other thing is, and this is, it's very painful is that it really can damage people's reputations.
There's two sides to every story, and maybe we don't know the whole story.
And also, why is it our business?
I find I, in the past, I've tried to make something that isn't my business, because I didn't want to focus on my life and take responsibility for what is going on with me.
And damaging somebody else's reputation is so unfair. It's so unfair.
The thing is that when we keep the focus on our own lives and our own creativity and on our acting training and on our business and on our core work, when we do that, man, we don't have freaking time to gossip or to focus on somebody else.
And also, I was teaching this in my private class and actually in the weekly class as well, this thing about assumptions. We assume things about people. Or we assume that somebody means something when they don't.
Watch assuming that somebody means the same thing that you do.
We always want to get clarity.
Are you saying, just so we're clear, nobody ever is upset about getting clarification.
I once heard that assumptions are the mother fucker of all fuck ups, and that is such a great phrase.
So I don't want to assume something about somebody else, just because somebody else had said it about them.
And this is a biggie. This is a biggie. You know what gossip also does? It increases stress and anxiety.
And I don't know about you guys. I don't know about you. I don't need any more stress. I don't need any more anxiety.
And this is the thing, it also can make you feel very isolated.
You think that you're connecting with somebody about how bad somebody else is or what somebody else did.
But ultimately, it's going to lead to some kind of anxiety and possibly even some kind of depression, depending on which way of the spectrum you like to go. I personally like to freak the fuck out rather than get depressed. But, whatever your bag is. And it can negatively really impact your mental health when we talk about others.
And look, I've done it! I have done it! I used to do it a lot! Especially as a teenager. I didn't know any better.
But these are the things we want to think about. Because again, what are we trying to do?
We're trying to do that thing that we most need to do, which is keep the focus on ourself and as actors on our acting training, becoming a better actor, moving ourselves forward in business and doing the work on ourselves.
So when those opportunities come, we are ready for them and gossip has no place in any of that.
And again, going on this idea of the toxicity. of gossip, is we want to create health in our lives.
And what gossip does is it really creates like a toxic work environment.
And that work might be in our very own apartment while we're chatting on the phone, or negatively texting about somebody, or negatively emailing about something.
That might get passed along. We don't need that.
We don't need that. We want to create support and love in our lives.
The last thing that I want to say about gossip is that it's time consuming.
Because let me tell you, it's going to be easy to find somebody who's going to want to jump right in there with you.
Jump on the bad, the hate bag bandwagon. We don't need to do that with gossip. Other people, and we don't need to do it to ourselves.
Because that energy could be spent on productive tasks.
That energy could be spent on becoming more efficient in our acting career. Becoming more focused on our acting career.
And that will stop us from being more positive.
If you find yourself doing this, and this is a big one again, it's using your mind to govern your brain, I beg of you, catch yourself, just stop. Stop.
Apologize to the other person. Say, you know what? I want to stop this because this is not making me feel good and I'm sure on some level it's not making you feel good either.
Let's just stop. Let's talk about something else.
It's okay to do that. It's okay to do that, especially when you're moving yourself in a more positive direction.
Okay, one more thing. Just thought of this. It wastes energy. And we really only have a finite amount of time and a finite amount of energy.
Let's make sure we're doing it that's moving us towards something good, Like a fabulous acting career. And a fabulous life.
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Today I'm going to talk about the abandoned actor and this is something that I have been really delving into on a deeper level in my private work, the private work I do with clients, but also in my weekly classes.
And it's the idea of when we audition, or when we go to a set, or anything, maybe it could even be in your personal life when some kind of pressurized situation happens. We abandon ourselves.
And I'm gonna start talking about I, just to make this easier to explain.
I would abandon myself. Meaning, I would abdicate my feelings, my point of view, my talent to everybody else but myself, and that's what I mean by abandonment.
One of my weekly classes is in my sister coaching company called Chiropractor for the Mind. And what I teach is emotional self sufficiency.
And it's emotional self sufficiency, by teaching you emotional intelligence and teaching you to raise your intelligence emotionally.
And this idea of emotional self sufficiency, let me just talk about that for one moment, is that when I'm just talking about me, when I am emotionally self sufficient, that means whatever comes my way in life, I am able to coach myself, I am able to help myself out of that emotional confusion.
And emotional confusion is a problem for an actor because when you go in to do a scene, you want to be in the moment, emotionally on point.
You want to be emotionally understood.
You want to be able to access every single emotion in you in the moment.
But if you are emotionally confused as a human being, oh boy, do we have a problem.
So here's the thing, through core work, which is all that I talk about, that's how we become emotionally unconfused.
And it is also where this ability to coach yourself is so important, and that is especially important when it comes to this idea of how do you abandon yourself.
Now, a lot about abandonment has to do with feeling that you are a victim, thinking that you can't handle it, that you can't manage the situation you are in.
But as all of my teachings have taught me and others, it is that we will never be given more than we can handle, but we will be given more than we can control.
I'm just going to use the audition situation to keep this easy.
Why when we walk into a meeting or an audition, why do we feel the need to abandon us?
Why all of a sudden does it matter what the writer, director, producer, casting director thinks, but not what we think?
And one of the things I talk about with my private clients and in the weekly classes are, this idea that if I go in and pretend I am the character of Sally.
If I believe I'm Sally, if the only person that I am focusing on that needs to believe that she is Sally is Peter Pamela Rose, guess what automatically will happen?
Automatically, everybody else in the room will. And I've only had to put the focus on making myself believe.
And when I do that, I am not abandoning myself.
I am not abandoning myself.
Now let's just talk about anxiety and abandoning ourselves.
I want to talk about a few points of When I start to feel that I am, like, abdicating my responsibility for myself to someone else, the number one thing I need to do when that happens is, I need to become aware.
And I need to acknowledge my feelings.
I talk about awareness, acceptance and action. the first step in core work is becoming aware because you don't know what you don't know, right?
So becoming aware.
And as I am aware and I accept that, “oh, look, I am doing this,” then I can, then that awareness happens, the acceptance that I am doing it happens, and then I want to move very quickly into action.
The subject of awareness and acknowledging is really about recognizing and validating my emotions and also allowing myself to say, “okay, it's okay to feel it,” but this is the thing, if I try to say it's not happening, or just go away please, which is what I always like to say to my anxiety, it's not going to work.
I need to be in the room, with my feelings and go, this is happening, okay, how am I going to help myself with this?
How am I going to walk through it?
And this is the thing. I don't want to judge it. I just want to acknowledge it.
Because as soon as I start to judge it as being something bad that is happening, that's me trying to get rid of it.
Not gonna work. It's not gonna work.
I need to figure out how me and my, let's say, anxiety can function together so that I can say, Oh, look, there you are. Oh, okay. You don't want to eat. Okay. What do I know? I need to do need to make sure when was the last time I ate. Okay. It was an hour ago. Okay. Set my alarm for three hours from now. That's when I'm going to eat.
In other words, I need to practice tough love with myself and support myself and love myself through the feeling of abandonment.
I also recommend that when this happens, you immediately go to either talk to someone, Journal, talk to the universe, or listen to one of these podcasts, one of my core work podcasts.
Why do I say that?
Because we need to get out of ourselves.
We can't cure a sick mind with a sick mind. And when we're in that, we're a little sick. Our thinking is stinking. Stinky thinking.
Journaling helps because our, the smarter part of ourselves, our higher coach gets in there and can help us.
Praying helps, okay, or reaching out to the universe, talking to a friend to get us back on point.
Or, listening to a podcast like this to get yourself back, to get yourself back.
The other thing that's very important is that I take care of myself. That's why I go to the food. I know when I get anxious, the number one thing I don't want to do is eat.
Therefore, I need to put myself on an eating schedule and then decide how much I'm going to eat and then I don't allow myself to get up from the table until I finish it.
And if you think that I don't like doing this, you are correct. Not my favorite thing. But, it does work. Why? Because I'm going through.
The best way out is always through.
The other thing is, I really need to challenge my negative emotions and my negative thoughts.
What is my stinking thinking telling me? And how is it making me want to abdicate responsibility for whatever is going on in this moment? Because I am capable.
I am the most capable person I know.
How am I going to take care of myself at this moment? What do I need to tell myself? What good things do I need to tell myself?
And then, after I've done these things, then I need to put it all into action.
Put it all into action. And not forget to Baby step it. Baby step it.
It doesn't matter how small it is, because when we accomplish small tasks, we build what?
We need that thing that we really need when it comes to abandonment. Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it.
Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it. To regain, to take back our power in that audition room. And focus on the job. Which is to act.
There's no need to abandon yourself.
Stay with yourself, love yourself.
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This podcast is called what's at stake. AKA the most important podcast you'll ever listen to.
There's that phrase that says that life is not a dress rehearsal.
And for those of you who are in your teens, 20s, 30s, and I'll be even honest, your 40s, I didn't get that then. I didn't.
I didn't get that life is not a dress rehearsal, but this is it. I didn't get that till 51.
It was the end of COVID, and I was sitting on the balcony in our then apartment, and it was a beautiful apartment, it overlooked Marina del Rey and the water. And I realized at that moment. That I was not living up to my full potential in my life, and I had just had a year off as we all did of being isolated, and I don't know maybe that's what it took, a year of slowdown, to have it really sink in that this is it.
There's not going to be another 50 again.
There's not going to be another 49, there's not going to be another 48, there's not going to be another 47 and go all the way down to zero.
There isn't going to be that anymore. That this is it.
And what do I want to do with it? And while I was saying, what do I want to do with it?
What do I want to do with this gift?
Because it seemed to me, at 51, I was not really showing up for what I really wanted. and what I really wanted the second act of my life to be.
And it started out with, I looked I was, I remember the way I was sitting and I looked down at my waist and I went, there's a really healthy body underneath there.
And I started with that, I started with the discipline of, and I'd always exercise because I had a back injury when I was at Guildhall, and I started with that, and I started with that discipline, and I took that discipline into everything, because how we do one thing is how we do all things.
And I want to read you a quote that I think also influenced my decision.
And you know where this homework assignment is going, right?
It's a Jen Sincero quote, and she writes the badass books.
Now, I'm going to be honest with you, I did change one little bit out of this quote for the purposes of this podcast, but I think you'll get why I did that.
“Because this is what I realized. You're gonna have to push past your fears.
Fail over and over again. And make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing.
You're gonna have to let go of old limiting beliefs and cling to the decision to create the acting career that you desire like your life depends on it.
Because guess what? Your life does depend on it.”
And that's the truth.
That's the truth, and that's the realization that I got at such a deeper level three years ago.
You're going to have to push past your fears, and you're going to have to fail over and over again.
And you're going to have to make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing.
And I talk about with my in my weekly class with actors, if you're interested in that. It is a very affordable class, and we offer a class for free.
I talk with them about how when you're exercising, when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength.
Not hurt. But when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength.
Guess what? That's what it's like in life too.
It's doing the uncomfortable things.
So if you are ready to do some uncomfortable things, if you're willing to push past your fears and fail over and over again because the other thing I have learned is that it is in my biggest mistakes, I have my biggest lessons and I have my biggest growth.
Let me repeat that. It's when I have my biggest mistakes that I have my biggest growth.
I have my biggest learning.
And you're gonna have to make a habit of doing things that aren't so comfy, if you are willing to do that. And finally, really and become.
I hope you will honor me and let me honor you. That's actually where I want to go. Let me honor you with a free consultation. Let's talk this out. You're not alone in this journey. You don't have to be alone.
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We are going to be talking about the importance of fun.
So I'm going to be really honest with you, this is a topic that I have had so much trouble with.
Yeah, I have had trouble having fun.
I thought that, I don't know, life was to be endured. And even though I had a positive, natural positive attitude, I didn't know how to have fun. I had no idea how to have fun.
And you know what that hurt? That hurt my acting career and that hurt my ability to act because I wasn't experiencing all emotions, especially the really good ones.
But the thing is that when we as casting directors, agents, managers are meeting with you, we want to be with people who are Professional, but also are fun to be around people that we want to work with, that we want to be on a set with day in and day out now.
Okay, that might not apply for the casting director or the agent or the manager, but I am going to be working with you a decent amount.
So yes, it does apply to that, but it really applies in your auditions.
Are you having fun? Do you know how to have fun?
And if you don't, that's okay.
You can have fun learning, and you may make mistakes while having fun.
I've certainly done that.
I thought something was going to be fun, and then it really wasn't.
In fact, I hated it.
Anyway, so I'm going to read a little thing out of Melody Beattie's Language of Letting Go.
“Have some fun with life, with the day. Find the good things in the day. Find the fun things in the day. Life is not a drudgery. That is an old belief.”
And as I said, truly an old belief of mine.
“We can let go of it. We are on an adventure. And this adventure is life. It is a journey. Events will come to pass that we cannot even fathom.”
I think that's one of the gifts of being deaf. Age is that with age, you begin to appreciate life more. You begin to appreciate the day more.
And lately I've had podcasts and podcasts that will come up about being decisive, making mistakes.
You can have fun with all of this.
The big thing is we want to create the best life and career and experience with this one amazing shot we have on this planet.
“We want to try and replace our heaviness and weariness of spirit with joy. Surround yourself with people and things that bring lightness of spirit as opposed to that heaviness.
Become sensitive to happiness, to lightness, to the incredible wonder of life.
The journey, it really can be an exciting adventure. Let yourself be. Enjoy it.”
One of the mantras that I gave myself recently, creating amazing experiences in my life is fun for me.
Creating amazing experiences in my life. is fun for me.
Again, fun. It's so important. You want to be around people who are fun.
Why would that stop in a casting office? Why would that stop in an agent's office? Why would that stop at a manager's office? Why would that stop in auditioning?
Have fun. This business can be fun.
It can be exciting.
Yes, it can also be trying. But let's have fun on the adventure.
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Today I'm going to talk about something that I have found to be extremely helpful.
And that word is being decisive.
Now, sometimes when I'm decisive, I make mistakes.
But this is the thing. Everything is fixable.
And mistakes are how we grow.
But in my being decisive, what happens is that things get put in order, into motion.
And the thing is that if I keep doing what I've always done, which can be being wishy-washy about something or procrastinating with something because I just don't know what to do.
By the way, this is why I'm recommending these free consultations with me so we can get you out of that kind of mess.
What happens is that when I set myself a clear path and I get decisive about things start to happen, big things start to happen.
And I find that making a decision, and then following through with that decision is sometimes the most valuable thing I do in a day.
So today I'm going to talk, I have five points about decisiveness.
They are efficiency and time management, confidence, reduce stress and anxiety, opportunity seizing, and clear direction and focus.
So I'm going to talk about each of those subjects and how being decisive has helped me and how I feel it can help you.
So efficiency and time management, decisiveness helps in making quick decisions. Quick and effective decisions and saving time and increasing productivity.
So this is the thing. Not making a decision is making a decision and it keeps you stuck as an actor.
And this is the thing. I don't want to waste any more time in my life.
I've got a finite amount of time on this planet and I want to make sure that I am enjoying it. Every single moment of it, and the things that I'm doing for my life and my career are moving me forward, not backward, and certainly not keeping me stagnant.
So what happens when I'm more decisive?
I take less time, humming and hawing. And that is, that's why I'm offering the free consultation, because I want you to stop humming and hawing.
Either decide you're going to work with someone to get your shit in gear, or don't.
But, for goodness sake, let's make a decision. So what happens is that when you make a decision, chances are, when you leap, the net will appear and the universe will support you.
And that's why that decision will be effective.
Also when I make a decision, I decide what I'm going to do instead of hemming and hawing about what I should do. What happens is that I save time and that is time that could be spent effectively working on the acting career.
Also because I'm saving that time, I have increased productivity.
I get more done creating more Opportunities.
So I'm going to actually jump to opportunities here. Because what happens is that when you do more things, you put yourself more out there, more people know about you, more opportunities can exist.
And decisiveness allows individuals to capitalize on opportunities quickly before they are lost to hesitation.
See, I want as many agents, casting directors, managers, producers, directors, writers to know about you, but how do you get in touch with them?
I want to show you how to do that. I want to also encourage you to be decisive in your career, whether you're working with me or not, but even by listening to this, you are working with me a little bit so that you can have opportunity.
Bill Timoney, who is going to be on Broadway with Our Town, he always says, and he's such a friend of Acting Business Boot Camp, he says, “you want to have as much access to opportunity as you can.”
And that's what I like to help actors to access. access to opportunity.
The other thing about being decisive is it makes you more confident.
Decisive individuals often exude confidence, which is crucial for effective leadership and inspiring trust.
So this is the thing. I am a casting director. I hire actors, I audition actors that exude confidence, who are good at their job, and almost more importantly, know they are good at their job.
And that inspires trust in me, the casting director, to either directly hire them for a job or to continue auditioning them so that they have access to opportunity.
Now I'm going to talk about how being decisive reduces stress and anxiety.
Because making prompt decisions reduces stress and anxiety associated with prolonged uncertainty and indecision.
That's the thing. The more you procrastinate, the more anxiety and stress you build up.
It's time to eradicate that from your life.
The stress and anxiety that is caused by indecision, it doesn't have to be there.
How do I know that? Because I used to be a hand wringer, a pearl clencher, a hyperventilator about making a decision.
But once I started to get decisive, things started to happen.
And finally, let's talk about how being decisive in your acting career gives you clear direction and focus.
It helps you to align your efforts and your resources toward achieving specific goals, which is, hopefully, to be a working actor.
So again, clear direction and focus and being decisive provides clear direction and focus, helping you to align your efforts and resources towards achieving specific goals.
And that's what I want to help you to do in these consultations, is I want to hear where you are at and where you want to go and how we can align your efforts and your resources and my resources to help you to achieve that goal of becoming a working actor.
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Today, I'm going to talk about mistakes.
Something that I'm going to be honest, I am not very excited about. Meaning that like I don't even want to admit to you, let alone myself, I'm not perfect.
Because my name is Peter Pamela Perfection Rose.
And just like things to be all neat and buttoned up and look good.
And here's the thing, when I started this podcast, I remember the first few actually the first episode I did, it took me two hours to do it.
And then I finally said to myself, there is no way I will ever do this, or keep this up if this is how long it's going to take me.
Because I was trying to get it perfect and I was trying to say, oh, I'm going to do one thing and it's going to be like this, to only find out that maybe that wasn't the best way.
And so what I decided was, is that in this weekly podcast, come what may, no matter what, I was going to do one every week.
And sometimes I batch them. I do a few in advance.
But I never really do more than four in advance.
So always, what you're hearing, I've recorded very recently.
And the other thing that I decided was that I was just going to be who I was. I wasn't going to edit unless it was absolutely necessary.
Absolutely necessary, including the interviews, because what I wanted you to see was that you could accomplish something, and not be perfect. And come on. If you've been listening to my podcast, you've heard me stumble. You've heard me say things wrong. You've heard me go off, get lost on a tangent and come back.
You have heard me make so many mistakes.
And I've just recorded a podcast, because I am batching this one but like I said, you will be hearing it very soon. Where I really felt like at the end I went off and then a phone call came in and I just felt off and I was like, Ugh, should I re record?
And I said, No. No, I shouldn't. Because again, what I want to show you is, what I want to emulate in my work is that you don't have to be perfect, that this is a podcast that if you're expecting perfection, you're not going to get it, okay?
Go listen to somebody else. I'm not perfect. I'm not going to do this podcast perfectly, but what I always will be is honest, and I will always be talking from the heart.
A lot of my older clients call me mama bear and they are my baby bears.
And I feel what a good mama bear does is she teaches her baby bear how to fish.
And she teaches through example.
And that's always how I wanna teach. And when I talk about the core work, I'm always talking about the work that I've Guinea pigged on myself, on my own, anxiety, on my own imperfection, on my own character defects, and then coach you to do it.
Because I figure if I have done it with myself, coaching you is a piece of cake because I have to go up against all of my own messiness and I do it with lots of mistakes.
So I have a couple of books I'm going to be reading from today and talking about this mistakedom.
The first one is actually a Hazelden meditation book called In God's Care.
It starts with a quote from Ethel Barrymore. How appropriate. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
“Do we sometimes think the whole house of cards will come tumbling down if we make one false move?
There's nothing wrong. with making mistakes. That's the way we've learned in the past and that's how we're learning now.
We laugh affectionately at the foibles of others. Sometimes it's irresistible. But we can laugh at our own with the same good humor.”
And, one of the things I find about life is not taking myself so seriously and not beating up on myself when I have made a mistake.
There are times when I've made some really big mistakes, and I need to go back and take responsibility for that.
But most of the mistakes. are just little mistakes where I'm tumbling over my words or I'm in a recording session and I misread something.
I just say, okay, pick up and I go on.
The fact of the matter is that in life, everything is fixable.
And when we do something wrong, we make a mistake.
I just saw something on social media and it was Simone Biles as a small girl doing the vault. And it was in a meet and she didn't do that well.
And then they showed her ten years later, doing a far more complicated vault. And it was perfect. It's through making our mistakes that we grow.
And it's okay not to be perfect.
But this is the thing, it doesn't really matter that I tell you it's okay that you're not perfect. You need to go through the same process that I go through.
Which is, I need to know it's okay with Peter Pamela Rose, that Peter Pamela Rose isn't perfect. The reading goes on to say “living a spiritual life doesn't mean we have to be grim.
In fact, increasing joy and merriment is an unavoidable result of turning our will over to that of the universe's. Now we can relax and enjoy life, and that includes enjoying our less than perfect selves.”
And that's the other thing, I think, that in mistake making, that when I make a mistake, I go to the universe.
I start talking with the universe.
And I talk a lot about in this podcast and in my weekly classes about your relationship, that incredible relationship that is open to you with the universe.
Everybody has it, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, is up to you. I just think that, acknowledging it and practicing a relationship with it makes life a lot easier.
And the thing is that with that relationship, when I make mistakes, I can go to that energy and say, wow, I really screwed up here. Please guide me, show me what it is I need to do.
The thing is that I can also give you my experience of being an actor. I've been a professional actor for over 30 years.
And let me tell you, when you're starting out, there is no mistake that is career ending. There is no mistake that is career ending. All it is, is a learning experience.
I'm going to go on a little bit more here now.
The Language of Letting Go
“Many of us picked on ourselves unmercilessly before getting into the core work. We may also have had a tendency to pickon ourselves after we begin the core work because what has starts to happen is we become aware.”
and that's the whole thing is a mistake is a wonderful opportunity to become aware.
And the thing is that we cannot become better. We cannot become more skilled unless we have awareness about what we are doing.
And I always talk about that awareness, acceptance, and action.
And why do I talk about it so often? I talk about it so often because it is such a key part of the process of becoming better.
Better in our lives, creating a better life for ourselves, and creating a better acting career for ourselves.
If I was really doing this, I wouldn't be doing that again.
Ugh, how many times have I said to myself this, Oh, I should be further along. I should be further along in my acting career. What the, who, who said that?
I did. Who said that?
That is just making things so much harder for you.
There's a wonderful phrase that Louise Hay says that I love which is, “Stop, stop beating up on yourself. Stop it. Stop it. Be nice to yourself. Be kind to yourself. That's going to go so much further.”
These statements that we say this, if I was really doing this, I wouldn't do that, or I really should be so much at my age, I should be so much further along than I am.
These are statements that if we indulge in them, we are feeling some sort of shame. And when we are feeling shame, we are feeling that we are defective. And you are not. Defective.
We do not need to treat ourselves this way. There is no benefit.
And that's the thing. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.
And I don't want to be paralyzed by shame because shame blocks us.
But self love and self acceptance enable us to grow and change.
Again, we need mistakes in order to grow.
Now that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and try and make mistakes.
But it does mean that when we make them, we can be kinder to ourselves.
If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an apology, an amend, or an attitude of self love and self acceptance.
Sometimes when I do something to someone else, I need to forgive myself first, and then go ask for forgiveness.
And this is the thing, even if we slip back into old shaming behaviors or old thinking or feeling or behaving, we don't need to be ashamed.
We are all going to regress from time to time.
It's two steps forward, one step back.
Sometimes it's five steps forward and seven steps back.
But ultimately we are, if we stick to this work, we are moving forward.
That's how we learn. That's how we grow. We relapse. We recycle. It's an important, necessary part of recovery.
And when I talk about recovery, I'm talking about recovering our true selves.
Because when we recover our true selves, we can bring that into our acting work. And what does that give us? It gives us truth.
It's those performances that are so undeniably truthful that we are seeking to do, to seek to achieve.
And the way out of recycling is not shaming ourselves because what that does is that puts us into a shame spiral that just gets us deeper and deeper in.
So much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfectionism, or trying not to make mistakes, is impossible unless we think of it in a new way.
Perfection is being who we are and where we are today.
It's accepting and loving ourselves, Just the way we are.
We are each right where we need to be in our lives, in our career.
Now that doesn't mean you can't do things to change things up.
But what it does mean is taking off the pressure of yourself and start treating yourself as the beautiful child of the universe.
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Today, I'm going to talk about positive energy and energy and the actor and why it is so intensely important.
I have found positive energy and positive thinking to be one of the most important things for a happy life and a happy career.
So I'm going to start with a quote, which is Gandhi, which is “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Anais Nin, “We do not see the world as it is. We see it as we are.”
And so what I want to see the world is, especially in such tumultuous times, is I want to see the good in the world.
Not the bad, because the more I see good in my world, the more good is reflected back to me.
And because we see it as we are, that is why we want to have as much positive energy going through us as possible.
And when I talk about positive energy, I talk about anabolic energy.
I'm talking about that anabolic energy and that anabolic energy is growing, building, healing energy.
And it is who I Truly am and that's truth with a capital T, whether I believe it or not.
Another thing is that anabolic energy gives me a high chance for success.
It has me being fully conscious.
It has me in a state where I believe in myself. In me, but I also believe in that power greater than me, in that universe.
So now I'm going to move into my favorite text of The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.
“It's so easy to look around and notice what's wrong, it takes practice to see what's right.”
The reason why it's so easy to see what's wrong is because that's what my motherboard, my limiting beliefs, have taught me, programmed me to look for the bad, not for the good, or to look for the negative instead of the positive.
That's the only reason why that happens.
It happens because I was programmed that way.
And there's that wonderful joke that your parents know how to push your buttons because they're the ones who installed them.
It takes practice to notice what's right.
Now, remember when just a moment ago I said it's easier to look around and see what's, what's wrong or what's negative.
I put that word easy in quotes because quite frankly, It is actually far easier to do this work and have a happier life than continuing to look at the negative and continue to build and foster that.
That just keeps me in that awful state of negativity and that awful area of status quo, where I know that pain that you know you could be doing so much better, but you aren't.
I'm sorry, but that is not easy.
Melody Beattie goes on to say, “many of us have lived around negativity for years. We've become skilled, we've become skilled at labeling what's wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our core work. We want to be realistic and our goal is to identify and accept reality.”
However, this often is not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is generally annihilation.
I do not wanna annihilate. I do not want to annihilate a good life for myself because of the way I was programmed.
No, I want to create a good life for me, a happy life for me, a place where my life is in the position for a high chance for success.
And this is what I want for you as an actor.
“Negativity empowers the problem.”
The problem of not working as an actor. The problem of not knowing what to do next. The problem [ of nothing ever good happens to me. It empowers that.
I'm sorry, I don't want to go there. That's not what I want because negativity takes us out of harmony.
Negative energy sabotages and destroys.
How many actors have said to me, I sabotage myself. I sabotage myself.
I used to be someone who used to sabotage themselves. I no longer do that. I no longer do that.
Let's put it this way. I no longer choose that.
I choose to work for myself instead of against myself. And that is the far easier path.
“Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of it’s own.
and it has the power to enable our self sabotaging. But here's the catch, and here's the good news. So does powerful energy.
“Each day we can ask what's right, what's good about other people, about our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.”
And this is something that I truly believe. Negative energy comes from my ego. It comes from that thought system. That power system.
And positive energy comes from the universal. Thought system, the universal power system, that is infinite, that is positive.
And here is the thing, my ego thought system is finite, it only has so much energy.
But positive energy, when I hook up my pipeline to the positive energy, to the universal energy, that is much stronger than the negative energy.
That is why I say in my weekly classes, I talk to my clients, my students, my actors about this.
You put in one inch of core work, you put in one inch of effort, and you will get more than one yard back.
Because the positive energy is so much stronger than the negative. We just have to choose it.
“Positive energy heals, it conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.”
I love that word transforms.
Because I truly used to be a very negative person. Mainly about myself. Every other thing I said to myself was, I'm not something enough. That is not the case anymore. There is truly hope.
If I can help myself, I can help you.
The other thing about Energy is that everybody wants that positive energy. Everybody wants that abundant life. And the thing is that living that abundant life begins with believing in focusing on that abundant world.
Practicing gratitude. Just even mentioning three times a day or three things in a day that you want to practice gratitude for, that is a phenomenal way to have positive energy in your life.
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I have a very special offer for you. If you are interested in working with me, but you would like to talk to me first, click on the link in the show notes. And we'll get in touch and we'll set something up.
BOOK A CALL WITH PETER
We're going to talk about the two energies of the actor.
We're going to be talking about anabolic energy and catabolic energy.
But first, what we're going to be talking about Is the term consciousness. So what is the term consciousness? The term consciousness is your awareness of who you really are, as opposed to the you that you believe you are, and we're taught that you are.
Now, here's the thing. Who you really are is pure anabolic energy.
Who you think you are or believe you are, or were taught that you are, or all of the above, has a bit of catabolic energy in it, which means it's energy that works against you.
So what we're gonna be talking about today is these two energies and how you can stay more in your catabolic energy than your anabolic energy.
Let's get into the definitions of catabolic energy. Catabolic energy is isolated. It's lonely. You need everything outside of you to validate yourself. The world is scary, and it's angry. And this is the biggest thing to know as an actor, you have a very low chance of success.
You're working unconsciously, and you have very little faith in yourself or in the Universe.
And then there is the wonderful energy of anabolic energy.
Now, anabolic energy is like mind over so-called reality.
It's when you're seeing that things around you at the moment, things aren't going well, but you know these truths.
One, this too shall pass.
And two, everything I'm seeing now is only preparation for more good to come.
In this energy, you have real energy.
You have a real awareness. You have, and this is so key, faith in yourself, but also a faith in the Universe.
This is where you live and where you have high potential.
You also have a high level of success.
You live more consciously and this is who you are, whether you believe it or not.
Ananias Nin says that “we do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are,” meaning that I see the world either with anabolic eyes or catabolic eyes.
And quantum physics has shown us that the world is a creation of our perceptions.
So if we want to create more enjoyable life experiences, we want to focus on that anabolic energy, and that's why gratitude is so important.
The more we point out what we are grateful for, the more we will bring into our lives again, like energy attracts like energy. I also want to mention that one of the ways we can move into more anabolic energy is to really change how we speak because changing our language changes our reality.
And I'm going to show you this in terms of anabolic and catabolic energy.
Language or words orient our thoughts and our feelings.
And I talk a lot about how we have a thought that then becomes an emotion and that emotion then dictates an action and then that action reiterates the thought.
So I am good enough, I feel good about me, I go to my auditions, I do a great job, see me, I am good enough.
Now, notice how I used a real anabolic example there.
Words and the intention or the emotion, which are truly the fuel behind them, are either catabolic or anabolic.
And they convey a lot. underlying messages to our energy.
And what that does is that creates a physical, an emotional, a mental and a spiritual response, not only in ourselves, but in others.
So what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to give you examples of anabolic and catabolic language choices.
And we're gonna look at that.
So if you are in catabolic, that lonely, isolating negative energy, the words you may use are, should, or might.
Now, the anabolic response or the anecdote to that would be I choose, I desire, I want.
Again, another example. The catabolic word choice would be, I need to.
The anabolic word choice would be, It's important to me. It's important to me that I do this thing. Not that I need to do this thing, but it's important to me.
The catabolic word choice on the next one is, I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to all over the place.
Like I should all over myself? I have to all over myself.
And the, again, the anecdote to that is I desire to. I desire to, I choose to, I desire to.
Another catabolic word choice is can't. Instead, maybe you're just not willing to. Or I'm choosing not to, but I can't is unconscious. I choose to is conscious and therefore anabolic.
I always, never, those are catabolic word choices.
The anecdote to those are, I sometimes, I often, I seldom.
The next one must. Ooh, catabolic word choice there. Must. As opposed to, I choose. I desire, again, making your words more conscious so they are in that anabolic energy.
Try. Oh my God. How many times have I said try?
What about saying the anabolic word choice of I intend to or I aim to?
And this one, this is such an improv actor one, which is the catabolic word choices, “but.” How about “and?” And is your anabolic word choice.
Maybe is catabolic, yes I will or no I won't is anabolic. For goodness sakes, make a decision.
And finally, I think. Oh, catabolic right there.
How about I know, or I don't know. Be decisive with your words.
Again, remember these words, whether you choose anabolic words or catabolic words have an effect on you, but also on other people, and that means agents, managers, casting directors, writers, directors, producers.
I want to be someone who an agent, a casting director, a director, a producer wants to have in a room, wants to have on set, because I give off that positive energy.
Finally, I want you to remember that catabolic energy is disempowering. It is taking away my power. It is me giving away my power. And ultimately, it tears me down.
It tears me down.
But anabolic energy is powerful. Anabolic language is centered. It is grounded. It is responsible. It is powerful. It is healthy. And I love this word. It is empowering. It builds us up. It heals us. And it helps us to believe in ourselves and in our power.
Remember, the only constant is change.
And I want to make sure that we are changing towards anabolic energy.
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Weekly Accountability Group
Creating effective change as an actor.
I'm going to be talking about real coaching principles.
Change can be scary and many people see a benefit in it. In not making change because the payoff is that they don't have to take action and they don't need to face the unknown.
And that is a concept that I'm really going to be drilling into in this podcast, which is what is the payoff?
What I want you to do is I want you to write down
What am I not doing in my acting career right now?
So what should you be doing that you're not doing?
Now usually I don't want you to should, but for this exercise I want you to because I want you to then write it out for me.
And then ask yourself, what is the payoff?
What's the payoff for you not doing it?
And a lot of the time, the payoff is then I don't have to do anything.
Meaning you don't have to take responsibility.
And also, you don't have to face the unknown. You don't have to face the rejection.
You don't have to feel like an imposter.
The fact is, you're never an imposter. You're just a human being.
You're just as, you're just as entitled to be on this earth as all the rest of us.
I also think that by not taking action, you keep yourself in that cage.
Catabolic energy of victim, and when we are in victim, we are stating that we are helpless, hopeless, and I don't know what to do next.
I want you to ask yourself, what is the payoff for you not taking action?
Your acting career, what is the payoff?
Because what we're trying to do here is we're journaling this little bit of work here to make real effective transformational change in our careers.
What is the payoff for staying just where I am right now?
Because this is the truth. The truth is that not taking action is actually taking an action.
Not taking action in your acting career is actually taking an action.
Just as not making a decision is actually deciding not to choose. Yeah. I know. If you feel like you want to vomit in your mouth just a little bit, I am sure you are not alone.
When I was asked the question, what is the payoff for your anxiety attacks?
I wanted to smash that answer. I wanted to take my fist and insert it into the left cheek of my life coach because I was like, how dare you ask me that question? But oh my goodness, am I glad she did.
This is the thing, actors say they want to change.
They say they want to have a working career.
They say that is what they really want in their lives, but yet they still stay stuck.
The whole thing here is, how do we get you unstuck?
The only way to make effective change, the only way to make effective change, is to focus on the benefits of the change, not on the challenge of making the change.
So now I want you to think about all those things that you put in the beginning there about, I really should be doing this and I really should be doing that.
And I want you to ask yourself this question: how will I feel once I've done those things? How will I feel?
And then I want you to add the emotion to it.
The emotion, because emotion is the fuel.
We can lay those logs on the fire, but when we put that kerosene on it and we light the match, kaboom.
I want you to focus on how you feel when you get that done.
Again, the only way to make effective change is to focus on the benefits of what you will feel, of what you will feel you have accomplished, of the self esteem you will have gained by doing what you said you were going to do, not on the challenge of actually, ugh, doing it.
The best way to do this is to tie your values into your desired outcomes, to show you that this is what you really want and why you really want it.
Let's talk about values for a second and how they can help us to create effective change.
alues are the principles that people live by. The things that make them tick and drive them.
And there are two types of values. There are fear based values.
If I don't earn some money, I'm not going to be able to make my rent. If I don't make my rent, I'm not going to have a place to live. That's a fear based value.
And then there's a conscious based value. This is what I want my life to look like.
This is what I want my acting career to look like.
Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to align my thoughts and my actions to that goal.
Because I know I can, if I do that, then I will achieve it.
And gosh darn it, I know that's what I really want.
Now fear based values are the ones that cause you to take action or not take action to avoid something.
I call them the have to's. I have to do this. All right, yeah, I have to, the have tos.
But conscious based values, they allow you to take action because they are want tos. I'm doing this because I want to. I want to feel good so I exercise. I want to. I want to do that. I want to go to acting class because I want to become a better actor.
Because I want to be a working actor.
You can choose from passion, or you can choose from fear.
And you, the thing is that sometimes we do that consciously and we don't and sometimes we do it unconsciously.
So therefore, we want to be aware.
One of the things I actually just talked about in my weekly coaching group is this idea of awareness, acceptance, and action.
First we need to become aware.
So I give exercises to become aware.
I give exercises to accept where we are at and then I give exercises to take action.
So here I'm going to give you some empowering questions for helping you to find your values. And then we're gonna again bring it back to that effective change.
I want you to think about a time when life or your acting career was really good, and what was the value that was being expressed or honored?
What was in sync with you?
What did you feel you were doing well?
And how does that express who you are?
How does that express who you are?
So again, think of a time when your acting career was really good. What value was being expressed or honored?
Also, think about a time in your acting career when you were really upset.
What was being challenged? What didn't you like about that? How did it feel? What was going on?
Then I want you to ask yourself, when do you compromise your values?
And why do you compromise your values?
I'll tell you a time when I compromise my values. When I get a case of the I don't want to's. When I get a case of the I don't want to's, then I'm not so strong,
I'm not so funny, I'm not so sweet, and I'm not so elegant. I'm just lazy. And if it's really not in a good place, I'm feeling really helpless.
And that's never a good place.
In fact, feeling helpless is dangerous. This is the thing, when you do the core work, when you do this work on yourself as an actor, if you visit that place called helpless, called a victim, you can get yourself out real quick.
And then finally, I'm going to ask you a question that is probably the best question anybody can ever ask someone: think about what you must experience in life. What must you experience in your one grand life that you have? What must you experience and why is that so important for you?
Again, change can be scary and many people see a benefit in not making change.
But what is the payoff and what is the cost for not doing the things that you need to be doing, the thoughts that you need to be thinking, to do that thing that you must experience?
I encourage you listen to this podcast again, really write out my questions, really journal on them and get to know yourself better.
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Try out The Weekly Accountability Group for FREE!
Last week I talked about accountability and discipline.
Today, I want to talk about hard days.
I did not have a good night last night.
I didn't sleep well. I'm going through some physical discomfort. Nothing serious, but just physical discomfort. And I just got down. And one of the things I've learned is hungry, angry, lonely, tired, halt.
If you get too hungry or you get too angry or you get too lonely or you get too tired , and I also will add hormonal in there, I find that is when my negativity, my catabolic energy comes up.
And the thing is I woke up and I was like, “okay, I didn't have a great night's sleep. I'm not feeling that great about me at the moment. And I'm just having one of those days. I'm having a hard day.”
So every morning I make a cup of tea. And I go out to our garden, and I sit, and I talk with the Universe, and this morning, I was resenting the Universe.
I was like, “I'm not feeling so great, Universe, and for some reason I want to blame it on you.”
I just didn't feel great.
And then a little voice came to my head that said, do what you always do.
Don't treat this day any differently than any other day. And so slowly I started to say my mantras that I say and I opened up my little journal and I read some of my affirmations and I got myself present by naming the birds that I was hearing and the sounds that I was hearing.
And I said, “okay, look, even though you don't feel so great today. I'm still going to suit up. I'm still going to show up and I'm still going to be Peter Pamela Rose reporting for duty today.”
And had my breakfast, took a shower, put some makeup on, had my first meeting. I've already done four meetings today and it's not even 10:30 in the morning and here we go, and now I'm doing a podcast.
And it was while I was in the shower that I said I should do a podcast about when things aren't so great, when you're not feeling so wonderful.
The Language of Letting Go
This reading is about getting through the hard times.
This is about getting through the hard times, and as always, I'm going to be using her words for inspiration, and I'll be talking a little bit about it.
“Hard times. Stressful times. Are not all there is to life, but they are a part of life. They are a part of growth, and they are a part of moving forward.”
I was working with a client privately recently, and we got to this bit where I said, you work, you grind, you get to the next level. Repeat. You work, you grind, you get to the next level. Repeat. You work, you grind, you get to the next level.
And the thing is that days like I'm having today, guess what?
That is part of growth. It is part of life. It is part of moving forward.
This is the key, even though it doesn't feel like it.
“We can use the energy of hard times to work out and work through our issues.”
Why would you treat this day differently than any other day?
No, you keep to the routine. Because the routine is on the path to growth.
So again, we use the energy of the hard times to work out, work through our issues.
And we can use it to fine tune our skills and our spirituality.
In other words, even though I don't feel like I had faith in that moment, I practiced and acted as if I did.
“Or we can go through these times suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.”
I'm sorry that's just not my bag anymore. Just don't want to do it.
I only want to be moving forward. I only want to be growing.
A friend of mine said to me recently, she's you know what? We can do hard things. We can do hard things, and sometimes doing the hard thing is doing what you've always done to keep you on track, even when you most don't feel like it.
Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. Why? Because it instills desire and discipline in us.
“We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of learning, loving and growth. The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude toward the event? Will we question life and our higher power by asking what we're supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old negative beliefs?”
Oh, hell no, we're not doing that.
Hell no.
Where we say things like, nothing good ever happens to me. I'm just a victim, people can't be trusted, life isn't worth living. Hell no! No, we are not going to do that.
And this is the thing, As I've shared on this podcast, I'm very much into working out and fitness because it really works against that trigger word of mine, which is weak because working out makes me feel strong.
And one of the things that I've noticed is particularly with abdominal exercises is that when I find an abdominal exercise that I really don't like, that is the one I drill into, that is the one I practice. Why? Because that's where I'm weak and I want to get strong.
And it's the same thing when I'm doing, let's say, an abdominal exercise.
And it's the same thing. It starts to burn and it starts to feel uncomfortable and I want to quit. That's when the strength is building.
That's when the strength is building.
So when this morning I said to myself, that little quiet voice said, do what you always do. Do your morning routine. That was me continuing on even though it was uncomfortable.
That was me getting stronger.
“We do not always require hard energy or stress, to motivate, to grow or change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it's there, we can learn to channel it into growth and using it for achieving what is good in life. We can use the hard times to get better. We can use the hard times to get better.”
Also, if you would like to be held more accountable in your acting career and you would like more of this. core work in your life. Please, I beg of you, take a chance and try out one of our classes for free.
They are life changing.
And if you can't make the class, we tape it.
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Sign up for the free class
I'm going to talk about something that has truly changed my life. There are two things. One is discipline and the second one is accountability.
So the first one is accountability. When I started this work nearly 30 years ago, I can't even believe it's been that long.
I really cannot believe it. It sometimes feels like it's so much longer than that, and sometimes it feels like it's, I don't know, like yesterday.
But when I started this work out, I had to be accountable. And I was accountable to my coach and I was accountable to a group.
And this group I was accountable to them every week. So I worked with my coach privately, and I worked with my coach in a group setting.
And it taught me a lot. And basically what it taught me was, is the number one person who I needed to be accountable to was me.
That if I said that I wanted to be a working actor, that I had to put my money where my mouth was, where I had to put my energy where my mouth was, that if I said I was going to do something, I really needed to do it because I did not want to show up to that group and say, I didn't do it this week.
Because of that I decided to make a difficult decision. But I think a very important decision, which was to open up my Weekly Accountability Group. To all actors.
So what I'm offering is a free class.
The class is on Fridays at 12 p. m. EST.
Not only do you get that class, but you also get my core work class, which is the weekly adjustment after that, because I want to teach you to be accountable to you, to be accountable. And a lot of people have been asking me about this and saying, would you open it up to the public?
And finally I decided yes.
One of the things that you need in order to be accountable is discipline.
Now, the funny thing is that I did not used to be very disciplined. As a kid, I would always look for the easy way out.
The funny thing is, though, if I think of some of the two most disciplined people I know on the planet, they're my parents.
So how did these two incredibly disciplined people bring up this kid who is not that disciplined?
One thing is they made life very easy for me, which I would manipulate out of them.
I was an only child and yeah, I was brutal.
When I wanted something from my daddy, I would open my blue eyes wide open and I'd go, “Dadsky” and he'd melt. Anything I wanted, he'd give me.
And my mom, the mummiest of the mummies, I call her. She also would, give in to my let's just put it this way, adorableness.
And I'm saying all of this with a big smile on my face.
But when I got older, I started to realize that they really were quite the example for me.
My father is now a retired corporate pilot. And I remember that man could pack a suitcase and he would have everything packed and everything ready.
And this is when you flew with maps, okay, not with GPS.
He was so organized. and so disciplined.
And if my father said he was going to do something, he would do it.
And if my father said he would meet you at six o'clock, he was there at 5:45.
Not only that, he was physically very disciplined.
When he retired, he started walking 10 miles a day, and that was in his sixties. My dad is 84.5 years old. and walks four miles a day.
My 84 and a half year old father is still physically disciplined.
Now let's talk about my mom. My mom is 85 now. She wrote her 10th cookbook. on her 80th birthday. She finished her 10th cookbook on her 80th birthday.
This past week, she told me that one television series and one film reached out to her, both documentaries. My mom is a food historian and they want to interview her about Dutch historical food because she's a Dutch food historian.
My mom, I would watch her sit down at the computer and for hours work at writing her books.
The mental discipline that my mother has, is mind boggling to me. I don't have it.
My mom is also an avid reader and has been known to read a book a night. Again, I don't know how she does it. I wish I'd gotten that gene. That one I didn't.
The point is that these two people were phenomenal role models to me.
And even though I didn't learn it as a child, ultimately, I taught myself and used them as examples to become quite disciplined myself.
I'm going to give you even a further example, one that applies right now. I realized I didn't have a podcast this week. And then I texted Rose Marie, my right hand woman, I said, we don't have a podcast this week, do we?
And she went nope, and I went, she said, can you get me one tonight? And I went, yep.
But here's the thing. I didn't want to do this podcast, but yet that quiet voice inside of me said I've done like a hundred and ninety weeks in a row. A hundred and ninety weeks. There's no reason I couldn't jump in the booth and do this podcast.
And that is discipline.
Discipline is doing something when you don't want to, yeah, and discipline is what you need to be held accountable to the most important person in the world that you need to be held accountable to.
So look, here's the deal. Free class. It's the Weekly Accountability Group.
You've got nothing to lose. Try me for one class. That's all I'm asking. One class. Totally free. No obligation whatsoever to continue. And if you want to continue, We keep it affordable for you.
Are you going to be disciplined and sign up? I hope so.
And as I get older, I learn, the more I work for myself, the more I have regrets that it took me so long to do it.
So if I can convince one of you out there to show up for yourself just even one day earlier, trust me, it's gonna be worth it.
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Planning Out Your Day the Night Before
Today I'm going to be talking about boundaries.
The Language of Letting Go
One of the things that comes up for actors quite often is setting boundaries with the representation, with a director of a play or a student film or a feature film, or even, what happened to me on a commercial set, where I was almost physically abused.
So boundaries are something that is very valuable for us to know in our work as an actor, but also, of course, in our personal life.
“Sometimes life and people seem to push and push.Because we sometimes may have been so used to pain, we may tell ourselves that it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us.”
So the first part of that is something that I used to do is go “it's just me, so it doesn't matter.”
The second part is, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us.
Now, the word shame, and this is not really a subject that I talk about too much, because if you have shame issues, that is truly something that I need to work on with you in a private one on one session.
Because it is such an emotional issue, but shame is believing that there is something defective about you.
So a lot of times when we're not setting boundaries, people always just take advantage of me. There must be something wrong with me.
But when I'm doing that, I'm putting myself in that catabolic energy of victim.
When I put myself in the catabolic energy of victim, oof, I'm in trouble.
I need to move into the anabolic energy of responsibility.
And that is definitely what setting boundaries is all about.
Now, how can we tell if we are being controlled and manipulated? So one of the things I talk about is taking a step back.
And if you put your hand on your face, what you'll notice is that when you look at your hand, you can't really see it. But when you remove it about six to eight inches, you've taken a step back from it, you can, and when that happens, you are in a place to observe.
But when somebody you feel like you're being manipulated, it's that hand just magically finds its way onto your face.
But again, you do have the power to take a step back and observe and ask yourself if this is healthy for you.
Another thing that I find very helpful is when I'm feeling someone may be manipulating me. I just listen, force myself not to say anything, but just listen and allow myself to take the opportunity to really hear what it is they are asking of me.
The other thing that I find very helpful is to never answer yes right away.
Say that sounds like a very interesting opportunity, let me get back to you. Let me think about it and let me get back to you tomorrow and then really get back to them tomorrow.
So that again, you're giving yourself that space to take a step back and observe to see if what they're asking you to do is, are you being manipulated, or is this potentially a really great opportunity for you?
In family situations, little thing that I find to be very helpful, and it's taking your power back in a very particular way, is that, again, I spend more time listening and less time talking.
And one of the ways I've trained myself to do that in very specific situations is I only speak when I am spoken to.
So that again, I can stay with me, not abandon myself, not give my power away in any way, but really observe what everybody is saying and doing.
So I can decide what I want to be a part of and what I do not.
This allows for a period of observation, a period of observation in the relationship you are in question about, or in the relationships you are in question about.
There is nothing wrong with us. We are not defective. But life pushes and hurts sometimes to get our attention. Sometimes the pain and the pushing are pointing us towards a lesson that we need to learn to welcome more good, more abundance and a better chance for success to happen to us.
One of the things that I always say is that I think that we are always being taught lessons.
Again, that quieter period of observation is so important so that we can observe what is going on in ourselves and asking the universe and asking ourselves, what is the lesson that I need to be learning here?
See, all of a sudden, when you're doing these things that I'm talking about now, you are taking yourself out of the victim role and putting yourself into taking real responsibility for your life.
Because sometimes the lesson may be that we've become too controlling.
Take a step back. What are the words that I am saying? What is my motivation in the relationship?
And I just gave you a great journal exercise right there. Why am I saying the words that I am saying? And what is my motivation in the relationship?
Because a lot of the time what I have found is that I am really being pushed to stick by me so that when I [ set a boundary, I don't abandon myself and also to take care of myself on a deeper level.
A couple little phrases to remind you of, “taking care of ourselves pays enormous dividends.”
“Whatever I put before taking care of myself, I am going to lose.”
If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that is exactly what may be happening.
We may be pushed to our limits and we can be grateful that this experience is here to help us to explore this area of boundaries.
And I know you're like, Oh God, puke! That is not something I'm excited about learning about. If it's not, guess what? You need to learn it.
It's like ab work at the gym. It's like the most important thing you can do is get strong in your core.
The most important thing you can do is to set boundaries and stick by yourself when you do it.
Give yourself permission to set the limits that you want and need to set in your life and in your acting career.
Again, another really great empowering question and journal questions that I'm giving you in this podcast is “What are my needs?”
Write down, what are your needs? How can you get them met? Who can I, listen to this word, appropriately get them met by?
Don't go to the hardware store for lemons.
There are certain friends that I have that I can pour my heart out to. There's other friends that pouring my heart out to may not necessarily be in my best interest because they're not available to me in that sort of emotional and kind way.
Not that they aren't kind and not that they aren't wonderful, but they may be somebody great to go to if I'm having a business issue or having a mathematical issue. They may be the better friends for that.
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
There's another phrase that says you get what you tolerate.
Be careful in setting boundaries. Write them out. Pause, think, pray, talk it over with someone else if you need to.
One of the most valuable things I learned about boundary setting is you tell someone what you need, and leave the word you out.
You tell someone how you feel and what you need, but you leave the word you out.
“I feel frustrated when a call is set up and there is no answer. I need for us to stick to our appointments.”
That would be setting a boundary where I'm keeping it on me.
It's about my frustration and what I need.
Not saying, “I feel frustrated when I call you and you're not there. I need for you to be there when I want you to be.”
You get it? Because that second example puts someone on the defense.
Think about that. Think about all the ways that you can take care of yourself and stick by yourself when setting boundaries in your personal life and also in your acting career.
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Voiceover classes
Today, I'm going to be talking about letting go of the fantasy and moving into reality.
And this was something that I worked on with a client.
It's not going to be a long podcast, but we were going over this reading and it just, it just hit me on a different level. And I really wanted to share it with you again.
This comes out of The Language of Letting Go
And this reading is about taking care of ourselves, but I think you're going to see how I'm talking about it in terms of letting go of the fantasy and really taking the reins of reality.
“We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless.”
And one of the things I talk about in my coaching is these two energy levels. There's catabolic energy, which is negative, destructive energy. And then there's anabolic energy, which is healing, growing, constructive energy, with a very strong energy of success.
Your chances and your potential for success when you are in anabolic energy is very strong. And of course, when you are in that catabolic thinking is very low.
When you are a victim, you are in that lowest form of catabolic energy.
And so what is important here Is again, making that transition from the fantasy that you can't do anything to the reality of yes, you can.
“Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no nights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing We are our own rescuers.”
And the thing that I find about fear, and the thing that I find about anxiety, and not knowing what to do next, all has to do with this one thing of me trying to control outcomes instead of trying to manage and handle the real work that I need to do, the reality, which is to do the work on myself and to take care of myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
My trying to control outcomes is a fantasy.
My trying to manage, take care of myself, handle my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, and myself. That is reality, and that's where the power is, and that's where the potential for success lives.
“Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others. And stop expecting them to rescue us.”
And also, our power begins when we put it rightly on where we can actually do something. Not with trying to control outcomes, but managing and taking care and handling ourselves. Again, that would be ourselves, our attitudes, our thoughts, and our actions.
- Visa fler
