Avsnitt
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Perfectionism has been a big theme on the podcast, but it’s sooooo needed! I truly think perfectionism is one of the biggest impacts on how we show up in our life and relationship, so this episode is for all my high achievers who put the bar so high for themselves and others around them.
I sit down with Kayla Licari, a physician associate turned coach that helps perfectionists conquer overwhelm in love and life. After realizing she was burning out from overachieving, perfectionist loops that were ruining her marriage, she knew she had to find a way through and now helps others do the same.
We talk about 5 signs of perfectionism in your relationships and life; control, fear, judgment, resentment, and prioritizing your needs last.
For more of Kayla’s work, check out her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themedicalperfectionist/
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Does it ever feel like your mind just won’t stop throwing thoughts at you? In this episode, I sit down with relationship coach Rebecca Ore to talk about how to ‘master your mind drama’ and take your power back from anxious thoughts and feelings.
She shares her own journey of going from feeling insecure in relationships to valuing herself and feeling worthy through simple, tangible tools and reframes that you can use right away!
Resources Rebecca mentioned in the episode:
Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers
Loving What Is Byron Katie
For more of Rebecca’s work:
Website: www.rebeccaorecoaching.com
Podcast: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028082
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccaorecoaching/
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JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Saknas det avsnitt?
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Our partners and relationships are constantly reflecting things back to us, and if we’re willing to ‘look in the mirror’ we can learn so much. One way we can learn from our relationship is to notice when we’re projecting; “when we see the self in the other.”
In this episode, I normalize projecting (you’re not doing something ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’), give examples of projections in my relationship so you can notice them more in your own, and share steps to shift out of projection into more self-awareness (including 6 journal prompts to help you reflect).
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If you’re enjoying the podcast…
JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Do you feel like you’re constantly comparing your relationship to others around you? Maybe you see a couple break up then worry you’re doomed to break up too. Or you see another couple doing something “better” than you and feel like your relationship isn’t good enough.
In this episode, I chat with relationship anxiety coach McKell Kristen about how to shift from being triggered about other people’s relationships to building a deeper trust in yourself and your relationship.
She shares the 3 R’s of self-trust and how to shift your perspective around relationship comparisons.
For more of McKell’s work, check out her Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mckellkristen/ and her free guide that she mentioned in the episode: https://relationshipanxiety.com/guidetolove/
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JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I’ll be happy when…
I find The One
my anxiety goes away
my partner acts this way
my partner looks just right
my feelings are what I expect them to be
these thoughts go away
We place so many rules on ourselves and our partners, and sometimes expect the perfect conditions to be in place in order for us to be happy or be content. In this episode, I break down why this “I’ll be happy when” trap isn’t helping ourselves and our relationships, and give you 5 practices to shift out of this.
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JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode I got to sit down with Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research who has been recognized as one of the most influential researchers in psychology worldwide. We talked all about her findings about self-compassion and how creating a more compassionate relationship with ourselves influences how we show up for others.
This episode covers:
the 3 pillars of self-compassionhow to implement the pillars of self-compassion in your lifehow to feel your feelings without getting lost in themKristin’s findings on self-compassion within relationshipstools to help you practice self-compassion…and more.
Check out Kristin’s website here: self-compassion.org
Check out Kristin’s Ted Talk here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4
Check out the self-compassion test here: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/
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JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
A lot of times in our relationships, it’s easy to look at our partner and notice all the things they could be doing better. “It’s you, not me.”
What’s not-so-easy is taking the time to understand how our own beliefs, patterns, and past experiences contribute to the dynamic. “It’s not you, it’s me.”
In this episode, I sat down with a past private coaching client of mine who used to hyper-focus on all the ways her partner could be better.
She’s not 100% “fixed” (and that no longer is her goal), but she’s made big shifts in how she relates to her partner (and herself). I can’t wait for you to hear her story, and know you will learn a lot!
JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
If our sex life doesn’t match the steamy scenes from the movies, it can bring up a lot of anxiety: “am I with the right partner sexually?” “are we having enough sex?” “is our sex passionate enough?” etc.
And the ironic part is that all the pressure we place on ourselves and our sex life to be amazing can create the opposite outcome—feeling distracted and disconnected.
In this episode what I wish I learned about sex earlier (so I’d have lower sex-pectations) and how to show up intentionally when it comes to sex so it causes less anxiety.
If you’re looking for a group of like-minded people alongside you as you build a more secure, loving relationship with your partner (and yourself), join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community! For just $7/month you get access to a live Q&A coaching call, exclusive content only on Patreon, instant access to my webinar library (normally $108), and weekly community posts and discussions. Click this link to join.
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Resources mentioned in this episode:
Emily Nagoski Ted Talk - How Couples Can Sustain a Strong Sexual Connection for a Lifetime: https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetimeEsther Perel Ted Talk - The Secret to Desire in a Long Term Relationship: https://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship?language=enCome As You Are book - Emily NagoskiMating in Captivity book - Esther Perel—
Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I talk with Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT, about 5 relationship rules that changed her life. She’s been married for 20 years and has so much wisdom to share.
Here’s a sneak peek at the 5 life-changing relationship rules:
1. It is not your job or my job to manage our family’s emotions.
2. It is not your job to please the people you are in a relationship with.
3. They are allowed to have their feelings about our choices.
4. It is okay if they struggle to understand us.
5. You get to (and they get to) change their mind or change, period.
This conversation is jam-packed with helpful reminders about how to navigate the challenges that can come from relationships.
For more information about Kimberley and her offerings, check out her website: https://kimberleyquinlan-lmft.com/
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
“Do I stay or go?” “How do I know if a relationship is worth saving?” These are not-so-simple questions to answer, and can cause a lot of discomfort because of the uncertainty they drum up.
In this episode, I explore three ways to reflect on these questions (not to get 100% certainty, but to get curious about how you think and feel); Are you looking for permission to stay or go? Are you willing to accept the consequences that come from the decision? What parts of you are looking to stay, and what parts of you are looking to go? (And what is the motivation of these parts?)
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Have you ever wondered if you and your partner are too different? Too many personality clashes? “How will this ever work?”
In today’s episode I explore why personality differences can feel so threatening and challenging, some reframes about personality differences to help you see them in a new light, and give strategies to navigate personality differences with more acceptance.
In the episode I mention my “is it anxiety or incompatibility?” webinar, which you can get here: https://www.youloveandyoulearn.com/ra-or-incompatibility-webinar
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Long distance relationships can be very challenging, especially if you’re getting pressure from external sources. “When are you going to be living together?” “Are you sure you’re not wasting your time?” “You should only do long distance if you have an end-date in sight”
In this conversation I talk to Hannah Frewin of @healingwithhan__ about the ups and downs of long distance and how she went from being anxious and doubtful about her relationship and partner to feeling fulfilled within herself and then her relationship.
Hannah shares how her own healing journey completely transformed the way she thinks about long distance, and has so much wisdom to share!
For more about Hannah, check out…
Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/healingwithhan__/?hl=en
Her free training: https://healingwithhan.mykajabi.com/opt-in
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Have you ever been jealous (or extremely jealous) of your partner’s past? Perhaps you’ve ruminated on their ex’s, asked them questions about their past, or felt like you can’t compare to people they’ve dated or been with intimately.
This experience is a little something called retroactive jealousy (RJ), and I’m excited to bring on Eva Thompson who helps people overcome retroactive jealousy and get rid of intrusive thoughts and mental movies about their partners past.
In this episode we talk about:
Eva’s personal experience with ROCD and retroactive jealouslywhat retroactive jealousy looks and sounds like in a relationshipthe reasons why someone experiences RJwhy ROCD and RJ feel so realwhat to do about RJ, how to turn it around…and more.
To dive deeper into Eva’s work, check out the below:
Website:
https://overcomingrelationshipanxiety.com/
One on one sessions:
https://calendly.com/overcomingrelationshipanxiety/45min
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Do you tend to compare your relationship to others a lot?
Does it make you feel like your relationship isn’t up to par?
I’m right there with ya—comparison is something I’ve had a hard time with for most of my life. AND, it’s also something I’ve really worked on in the last few years and I’ve been able to see improvements in.
In this episode I dive into why comparison happens, what type of person is most likely to compare, the types of comparisons that can come up, how to change our relationship to comparison, and some reminders about comparison…
…all in the hopes that you can look at comparison in a new way and feel inspired to respond to it more intentionally.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I sit down with Robert James, an OCD & anxiety coach who having spent years struggling with OCD, finally learned to overcome & now helps others to do the same.
We talked all about what it means to “lean into discomfort” in our journey to navigate relationship OCD and relationship anxiety (or general OCD and anxiety). Relationships bring up uncomfortable emotions at times, and if we shy away from them or react to them every time—we will be in for a bumpy ride.
Robert shares more about:
what leaning into discomfort looks likehow to practice acceptance in your relationshipthe cycle of OCD and anxiety that often results in compulsive behaviors (and what to do instead)how intentionally being in uncomfortable situations helps to reduce the fear of themhis journey with relationship OCDYou can find out more about Robert and his work at his website - https://www.robertjamescoaching.com
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APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.
This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.
Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Do you ever worry that other people will discover that your relationship isn’t as shiny and perfect as they think it is? Or that you’ll somehow be exposed for experiencing relationship anxiety?
In this episode I’m responding to a You Love and You Learn community submission where someone shared they have a fear that “even though I am confident and content with my partner and relationship, someone else may see through it and call us out on our ‘bluff’ - that we are incompatible, not right, etc. No one has ever said this to us but the fear is there”
This episode talks more about that fear, how it contributes to relationship impostor syndrome, and 6 ways to manage relationship impostor syndrome.
Thank you so much for listening to the You Love and You Learn Podcast this year!
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In this episode I got to sit down with Amanda Armstrong who is a neuroscience and trauma-informed anxiety & depression coach. Amanda helped share more about how to understand our and our partner’s default survival responses, which play a HUGE role in how we show up in our relationships.
We talked about:
what a default survival response is and how it affects our lifehow our default survival responses are formedunderstanding our partner’s default survival responsehow the different survival responses in a relationship can affect the dynamichow we can use this awareness to show up differently in our life and relationship…and so much more!
The below links share more about Amanda and and her work:
https://www.riseaswe.com/
https://www.instagram.com/amandaontherise/
https://pod.link/1674685974
Here are the podcast episodes that inspired this conversation:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/6dqYmqtnjRQ2geRRrgB8Y8?si=9af8d8ff50ed4225
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5F5w3yVYCcihx2swMxr20m?si=01ae54e1ce674d3f
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
One of the most challenging things to practice in relationships (and life) is releasing control of things that are not in our control. And one thing that is most definitely not in our control is our partner (or any other human), though there are many times where we end up unintentionally trying to control them.
This may not be intentional, but it’s something that can wear down a relationship if we are not mindful. In this episode, I bring back Natalie Kennedy of @anxiouslovecoach to discuss:
Her personal story and insights of letting go of control in her relationshipHow we let go of control in our relationships If we want to have our partner lead us vs. leading them - how do we change our habits?What is surrender in partnership?How can we let go while also getting our needs met at the same time?How to know if your relationship will meet your needs or not…and so much more!
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Check out more of Natalie’s work here:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/anxiouslovecoach/?hl=en
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-anxious-love-coach/id1518652051
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this solo episode I’m sharing 7 reflections that have come up (or revisited my consciousness) over the last few months since moving home from Sweden with Nate.
This is me pulling the curtain back and sharing some behind-the-scenes of how my life and relationship have looked in this transitional time. My hope is it helps you feel less alone as you navigate the inevitable ebbs and flows of your relationship.
If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d greatly appreciate you leaving a 5-star rating and/or leaving a written review on Apple Podcasts with how the podcast has helped or impacted your life. Thank you so much for listening! I appreciate you.
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APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.
This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.
Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Should you tell your partner about your relationship anxiety? If so, how?
I’m often asked questions like: "How much should you disclose about your relationship anxiety to your partner to avoid making them feel bad or scared?"
Today I’m answering that question and telling you:
3 things to consider before going to your partner about your anxiety3 things to consider if you do decide to have a conversation about your anxietyA script you can use when you tell your partner (if you decide to)What to do if they respond badly…and more.
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APPLY FOR PRIVATE COACHING HERE.
This is for you if you are in a relationship that you really want to work out yet your anxiety gets in the way, and you know that having someone who’s been in your shoes to guide and support you as you learn to navigate moments of anxiety would be invaluable.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram - Visa fler
