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"I hate when people say that my life should be a movie. Can we just ban that phrase?" - Jeremy
Read the transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HV5M7AN2D7GP4H2P1NBVSNMQ
Episode Summary:
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption alongside her guest, Jeremy, a 24-year-old adopted person from Texas. Jeremy shares his journey of struggling with various health issues and neurodivergence, only to discover the genetic roots of his challenges after reuniting with his birth family in 2022.
Jeremy's adoption story unfolds as he recounts being adopted in Albuquerque, New Mexico, from a birth family in Denver. Raised in Texas by adoptive parents who were open about his adoption but painted a negative picture of his birth mother, Jeremy grew up questioning his identity and health issues without a clear genetic history.
As Jeremy navigates his health challenges, including asthma, joint pain, and dysautonomia, he sheds light on the importance of knowing one's genetic background for proper diagnosis and treatment. With a recent diagnosis of hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS), Jeremy emphasizes the need for healthcare professionals to recognize and address invisible disabilities like EDS.
Through his journey of self-discovery and reunion with his birth family, Jeremy finds validation and understanding in shared experiences with relatives who also have EDS. He highlights the significance of acceptance and support from adoptive families, healthcare providers, and the community in addressing the unique needs of adoptees with complex medical histories.
Listeners are encouraged to reflect on the impact of closed adoptions, ableism, and stigma surrounding birth parents, as Beth and Jeremy advocate for a more inclusive and informed approach to adoption and healthcare. The episode concludes with a call to action for spreading awareness and support for adoptees facing health challenges and seeking reunion.
To connect with Jeremy and explore more adoption-related content, visit his Instagram account, Borderline Adoptee. Additionally, listeners are invited to engage with Unraveling Adoption through their website and Patreon community to support ongoing discussions and resources for adoptive families and individuals impacted by adoption. Stay tuned for more insightful conversations and stories on Unraveling Adoption.
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π Community Calendar: http://unravelingadoption.com/calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: http://unravelingadoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE:
Find Jeremy at BorderlineAdoptee on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/borderlineadoptee/
Find out more about Ehlerβs Danlos Syndrome (EDS) here: https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/what-is-eds/
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: http://UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - http://oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: http://Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: http://UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
TIMESTAMPS
00:00:02 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption: Beth Syverson introduces the podcast and shares her personal connection to adoption.
00:01:05 - Jeremy's Adoption Story: Jeremy shares his adoption story, including details about his birth family and upbringing.
00:03:01 - Searching for Birth Mother: Jeremy talks about his search for his birth mother and the impact of not knowing his genetic history.
00:05:30 - Discovering Neurodivergence: Jeremy discusses his diagnosis of neurodivergence and the challenges he faced growing up.
00:06:28 - Diagnosis of Asperger's: Jeremy shares his diagnosis of Asperger's and the challenges he faced due to misconceptions about his condition.
00:08:09 - Uncovering Health Conditions: Jeremy talks about the health issues he faced as a child and the discovery of his genetic conditions later in life.
00:10:49 - Reunion with Birth Father: Jeremy discusses meeting his birth father and the lack of medical information provided by him.
00:13:41 - Understanding Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome: Jeremy explains Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, a genetic connective tissue disorder, and his journey to diagnosis.
00:18:46 - Impact of Genetic Knowledge: Jeremy reflects on how knowing his genetic history from the beginning could have positively impacted his self-identity and health management.
00:21:44 - Advocating for Adoptees' Health: Jeremy discusses the importance of healthcare professionals and adoptive families supporting adoptees in managing their medical diagnoses.
00:23:35 - Addressing Ableism and Misconceptions: Jeremy highlights the need to combat ableism and misconceptions surrounding invisible disabilities like EDS.
00:27:00 - Connecting with Jeremy: Jeremy shares his Instagram handle for further engagement and invites others in the adoption community to reach out.
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"I want to normalize the practice of spirituality and ancestral rituals. They're a normal part of our lives." Helena Soholm, PhD
Read the Transcript here: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HTRHNP4AKM7DD2K35958K78A
Episode SummaryBeth Syverson, the host of the podcast Unraveling Adoption, welcomes Dr. Helena Soholm as a guest on the show. Dr. Soholm, a Korean mudang or shaman, shares her unique journey of combining contemporary forms of shamanism and psychology to help adoptees connect with their ancestors. Despite not being an adoptee herself, Helena has been instrumental in assisting Korean adoptees in their healing process through communication with their ancestors.
Helena's childhood experiences in Korea, surrounded by intuitive women and spiritual gifts, laid the foundation for her eventual path as a shaman. Her awakening to the power of ancestors led her to integrate psychology and shamanism in a profound way. Through her work, she has helped adoptees navigate their complex emotions and traumas by facilitating connections with their ancestral lineage.
The podcast delves into Helena's personal journey, including her initiation as a mudang in 2018 and her experiences working with adoptees in both Korea and Denmark. She emphasizes the importance of developing one's spiritual authority and trusting oneself for healing. Dr. Soholm's approach focuses on empowering individuals to connect with their ancestors and find peace within themselves.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
Dr. Helena Soholmβs information:
Helenaβs website has much more information about her practice and upcoming events: https://www.helenasoholm.com/Article about her Shamanic initiation: https://koreajoongangdaily.joins.com/news/article/article.aspx?aid=3049607
Dr. Soholmβs Lecture and Korean Shamanic Ritual at Yale: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bIAip2e5u0&t=616s
Find Helena on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/helenasoholm/ and on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/helenasoholm
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
Timestamps00:00:02 - Introduction to Helena Soholm: Beth introduces Helena Soholm, a Korean mudang or shaman, and discusses her unique background and qualifications.
00:08:16 - Helena's Journey to Becoming a Shaman: Helena shares her personal journey and struggles with embracing her calling to become a mudang.
00:15:50 - Helena's Connection with Adoptees: Helena discusses her awakening to the ancestors and how she helps adoptees connect with their lineage.
00:26:28 - Healing and Connection for Adoptees: Helena explains the outcomes and benefits adoptees experience through her ceremonies and ancestral connections.
00:34:51 - Seeking Reputable Ancestral Work: Helena provides guidance on finding reputable practitioners for ancestral work and emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition.
00:36:45 - Empowering Self-Healing: Helena emphasizes the importance of empowering individuals to heal themselves and build their spiritual authority.
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Saknas det avsnitt?
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"I think everyone has had this experience of feeling like they're in two places or even more than that, but not quite enough of any." -- Anthony Lynch
Read the Transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HSYYTTTDQ2QVDVHZ079SXA3E
Episode Summary:
Beth Syverson, the host of the podcast "Unraveling Adoption," welcomes Anthony Lynch, a 24-year-old non-binary transracial adoptee living in London, as a guest on the show. Anthony is the co-founder of In Between Lines, an organization that empowers individuals with complex identities. Throughout the episode, Anthony shares insights into their personal journey as a transracial adoptee with Jamaican and white heritage, growing up in a multicultural family in London.
Anthony discusses the challenges of navigating multiple identities, including being adopted, non-binary, and mixed race. They highlight the importance of embracing one's full identity and the complexities that come with straddling different cultural backgrounds. Anthony also sheds light on the concept of intersectionality and how it influences individual experiences and societal perceptions.
The conversation delves into the significance of creating spaces for individuals with complex identities to share their stories and connect with others. Anthony shares about the work of In Between Lines, including an upcoming exhibition featuring individuals with diverse backgrounds and identities. They emphasize the need for a more nuanced understanding of identity and the importance of fostering inclusivity and acceptance.
Beth and Anthony also discuss the upcoming parliamentary inquiry on adoptee voices in the UK, where Anthony is a steering group member. They touch on the mental health implications of complex identities and the role of policymakers in supporting individuals with diverse backgrounds.
Throughout the episode, Beth and Anthony explore the power of authenticity, community, and understanding in embracing complex identities. They encourage listeners to reflect on their own identities and challenge societal norms that limit individuals to singular labels. The episode concludes with a call to share the conversation with others and continue the dialogue on identity and acceptance.
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π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
Anthonyβs Contact Information:
Find Anthony on Linked In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/anthony-emanuel-lynch/
In-Between Lines on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/inbetweenlinesorg/
In-Between Lines website: https://inbetweenlines.co.uk/
Anthony Lynch is a researcher working in the intersection between Lived Experience and Policy. Their work with Complex Identities began when they co-founded In-Between Lines, an award-winning creative community for individuals belonging to multiple ethnicities, cultures, and families. As a research assistant at Coram, the UK's oldest Children's charity, they use their lived experience as a mixed non-binary adoptee to inform policy. They are also a steering group member for an upcoming parliamentary inquiry into adoptee voices, organized by the All Party Parliamentary Group on Adoption and Permanence.
===============
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamps:
00:00:02 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption Podcast: Beth Syverson introduces the podcast and herself as an adoptive mom.
00:01:06 - Guest Introduction: Anthony Lynch: Anthony Lynch is introduced as a non-binary transracial adoptee and co-founder of In Between Lines.
00:02:12 - Anthony's Origin Story: Anthony shares their background as a fostered and adopted individual with a complex mix of ethnicities.
00:03:29 - Blending In with Siblings: Anthony discusses how they were able to blend in with their biracial siblings and hide their adoptive identity.
00:04:29 - Coming Out as Non-Binary: Anthony talks about their recent realization and acceptance of being non-binary.
00:05:27 - Embracing Complex Identities: Anthony emphasizes the importance of embracing all aspects of their complex identity.
00:06:49 - Intersectionality and Multiple Identities: Anthony delves into the concept of intersectionality and the challenges of navigating multiple identities.
00:08:49 - Authenticity and Self-Expression: Anthony discusses the importance of being authentic and not compromising their identity for others.
00:09:22 - Understanding Intersectionality: Anthony explains the concept of intersectionality and its impact on individuals with complex identities.
00:12:46 - Daily Impact of Multiple Identities: Anthony shares how their multiple identities affect their daily life and interactions with others.
00:14:17 - In Between Lines Organization: Anthony talks about the In Between Lines organization and its mission to empower individuals with complex identities.
00:15:45 - Supporting In Between Lines: Anthony discusses ways to support the organization and participate in their upcoming projects.
00:20:44 - Parliamentary Inquiry on Adoptee Voices: Anthony shares their involvement in a parliamentary inquiry on adoptee voices and complex identities.
00:22:07 - Supporting In Between Lines: Anthony invites listeners to connect with In Between Lines on social media and support their upcoming exhibition.
00:25:19 - Appreciation for Unraveling Adoption Podcast: Anthony expresses gratitude for being a guest on the podcast and highlights the importance of in-depth conversations.
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"I think that being an adoptee groomed me to relinquish my own child." -- Monica Hall
Transcript of this episode: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HSM5N1067HY39ZRSGK11MB5T
Podcast Episode Synopsis:In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Monica Hall, an adoptee and birth mother who has recently published her memoir titled Practically Still a Virgin: an Adoption Memoir. Monica shares her journey of healing and self-discovery through writing her memoir, which delves into the complexities of adoption, trauma, and family relationships.
Monica opens up about her challenging childhood in Alaska, where she faced abuse and trauma within her adoptive family. She candidly discusses her experiences of relinquishing her daughter for adoption and the guilt and complexities that came with it. Through writing her memoir, Monica unravels layers of repressed memories and emotions, ultimately finding healing and clarity.
The podcast episode highlights Monica's writing process, where she initially struggled with self-doubt and perfectionism but found guidance and support from a dedicated editor. Monica emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to start writing without judgment and to embrace the process of uncovering deep-seated emotions and experiences.
As Monica shares her personal journey of healing and self-discovery through writing, she encourages other adoptees and birth mothers to embark on their own memoir-writing journey. The episode concludes with a special giveaway of Monica's memoir, inviting listeners to participate by writing a review of the podcast or becoming a Patreon member.
Listeners are encouraged to explore Monica's powerful memoir, Practically Still a Virgin, and to support her in sharing her story of resilience and growth. The episode serves as a poignant reminder of the transformative power of storytelling and the importance of finding healing through self-expression and reflection.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
RESOURCES:
Monica's Website: MonicaHall.com
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
Timestamps:00:00:00 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption Podcast
00:05:30 - Overcoming Childhood Trauma and Identity Issues
00:09:25 - Starting the Memoir Writing Journey
00:16:08 - Writing Process and Reflections
00:20:46 - Uncovering Layers of Trauma and Family Relationships
00:24:18 - Recovery and Healing Journey
00:26:23 - Advice for Aspiring Memoir Writers
00:27:41 - Book Giveaway Announcement and Support for Unraveling Adoption Podcast -
"I think adoptees who are going to go try to find their family have to recognize that... once you get into the process, you just have to roll with it, right? You have to be optimistic and hopeful and just play it out." -- David R. Ford
Episode SynopsisIn this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption alongside her guest, David R. Ford, an adoptee who reunited with his birth family 20 years ago. The episode explores the theme of family relationships, especially in the context of reunion with birth families.
Beth introduces David as an adoptee who was adopted at birth through a private adoption handled by a lawyer. David shares his early childhood experiences and the limited information he had about his birth parents, including the revelation that he had a seven-year older brother. Despite not initially feeling the need to find his birth parents, David's journey to reconnect with his birth family began in his late 30s.
Through a series of events, David eventually reunites with his birth mother and discovers he is one of seven children, four of whom were given up for adoption. The podcast delves into the complexities of navigating newfound relationships with siblings and birth family members, highlighting the challenges and joys that come with such reunions.
Beth also brings on Tibby, David's wife, to provide insights into the experience of being a spouse navigating the complexities of adoption reunion. Tibby shares her perspective on the intense emotions and dynamics that come with welcoming new family members into their lives.
The episode touches on the importance of supportive adoptive parents, the emotional toll of navigating difficult family dynamics, and the significance of maintaining core values and boundaries throughout the reunion process. David reflects on the metaphorical significance of the title of his memoir, "Blind in One Eye," and the journey of self-discovery and acceptance that comes with reuniting with one's birth family.
As the episode wraps up, Beth encourages listeners to explore the resources and support available on the Unraveling Adoption website, emphasizing the importance of seeking guidance and validation in the adoption journey. The episode concludes with a message of staying safe and embracing authenticity in navigating the complexities of adoption and family relationships.
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π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
Resource Mentioned in this Episode:
Contact David and find out more about his memoir Blind In One Eye at: https://blindinoneeye.com
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
TimestampsIntroduction to Unraveling Adoption: 00:00:02-00:00:13
David's Adoption Story: 00:01:23-00:02:57
David's Search for Birth Family: 00:03:29-00:06:41
Reunion with Birth Mother: 00:07:15-00:09:33
Relationship with Siblings: 00:10:04-00:12:40
Tibby's Perspective on Family Reunion: 00:15:18-00:17:02
Navigating Family Dynamics: 00:17:28-00:21:39
Book Title Explanation: 00:25:26-00:26:29
Closing Remarks and Resources: 00:27:19-00:28:46
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"I was always trying to fit in and chameleon wherever I was." -- Bethany Fraser
TranscriptRead this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HR5W5M78X0PE4FV5GJNREW2AIn this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson welcomes guest Bethany Fraser, an adoptee and host of The Adoptee Diaries podcast. The conversation delves into the complexities of adoption, focusing on the impact of secrets and identity issues within the adoption experience.
Bethany shares her personal journey of discovering her biracial identity in her 40s, after a secret about her ethnicity was kept from her by her adoptive parents. The discussion explores the emotional and psychological effects of this deception on Bethany's identity, psyche, and relationships.
Throughout the episode, Bethany reflects on her experience as an adoptee, highlighting the importance of truth, trust, and transparency in adoption. She emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to be open and honest with their children about their origins and ethnicity, to foster a sense of belonging and self-awareness.
The conversation is candid and heartfelt, with both hosts sharing their vulnerabilities and insights into the complexities of adoption. Beth and Bethany aim to create a space for adoptees to share their stories and find support within the adoption community.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
Resources mentioned in this episode:Find Bethany's podcast The Adoptee Diaries on your favorite podcast app or through this link: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adoptee-diaries-truth-trust-and-transparency/id1687716450
Find Bethany on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/theadopteediaries/
Read an essay Bethany wrote for Barker Adoption Foundation: https://www.barkeradoptionfoundation.org/adoption-resources/barker-blog/adoptee%E2%80%99s-experience-family-fortitude-forgiveness-story-searching
Other ResourcesAPtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTubeSupport Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoptionCheck out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.comCreate your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
TIME STAMPS:00:00:02 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption
00:01:33 - Early Awareness of Adoption and Ethnicity
00:03:33 - Early Interactions with Other Adoptees
00:05:12 - Questioning Ethnic Identity
00:07:05 - Reflecting on Parents' Motivations
00:09:47 - Prompt to Discover Ethnicity
00:11:22 - Ancestry DNA Results Revealed
00:12:44 - Unpacking Cultural Layers
00:14:07 - Curiosity and Self-Identity
00:15:03 - Impact Before Discovering Truth
00:16:08 - Masking True Self
00:17:44 - Feeling Displaced
00:18:27 - Seeking Community and Support
00:20:30 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:22:37 - Discovery of Parents' Knowledge
00:24:04 - Emotional Impact of Revelation
00:25:37 - Launch of The Adoptee Diaries
00:27:31 - Encouragement for Adoptive Parents
00:29:08 - Call to Share and Support Unraveling Adoption -
"I had to be OK with the fact that they might not accept me for who I am." - Joe Toolan
TranscriptRead this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HQC31S90118VY2NM91EADH9Q
Episode Summary
In this episode of Unraveling Adoption, host Beth Syverson delves into the complexities of adoption through the lens of LGBTQ+ adoptees. Joined by guest Joe Toolan, a transracial, queer adoptee from Guatemala, the episode explores the unique challenges faced by LGBTQ+ individuals in the adoption process.
Joe shares his personal journey of growing up in a conservative white family in Maryland, navigating his identity as a queer, Latine, indigenous, transracial adoptee. He reflects on the struggles of coming out to his adoptive family and the impact it had on their relationship.
The episode highlights the importance of support and acceptance for LGBTQ+ adoptees, emphasizing the need for adoptive parents to create a safe and affirming environment for their children. Resources such as PFLAG, the Trevor Project, and GLSEN are recommended for allies and family members seeking to educate themselves and support LGBTQ+ individuals.
As Joe recounts his reunion with his birth family in Guatemala, the episode showcases the power of authenticity and self-acceptance in building meaningful connections. Despite initial concerns about acceptance, Joe's birth mother's unconditional love and support demonstrate the transformative impact of embracing one's true identity.
Listeners are encouraged to engage with the LGBTQ+ adoptee community, seek support from advocacy organizations, and participate in upcoming events like the town hall meeting addressing the safety and well-being of adopted children.
Through heartfelt storytelling and insightful conversations, Unraveling Adoption provides a compassionate and informative platform for exploring the intersection of adoption and LGBTQ+ identities, fostering understanding and empathy for all individuals touched by adoption.
Resources mentioned in this episodeContact Joe through Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/toolan_joe/
Find help for LGBTQ+ people and their allies here:
PFLAG: https://pflag.org/
The Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/
GLSEN: https://www.glsen.org/
Guatemalan adoptees can find support through the organization Joe works with, Adoptees of Guatemalan Roots: https://www.guateroots.org/
Attend the Town Hall meeting on Sunday, March 10, 2024, to discuss adoptee murders and what we can do to keep our community's adopted children safe. adopteemurders.eventbrite.com
Other ResourcesAPtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected] us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTubeSupport Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoptionCheck out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.comCreate your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
Timestamps:00:00:02 - Introduction to Unraveling Adoption
00:01:15 - Embracing LGBTQ+ Voices
00:01:37 - Early Childhood and Adoption Story
00:02:14 - Growing Up in a Conservative Community
00:03:35 - Coming Out as LGBTQ+
00:04:39 - Navigating Relationships After Coming Out
00:05:03 - Challenges of Coming Out Again in Reunion
00:05:42 - Support Systems and Role Models
00:06:57 - Finding Community in College
00:07:53 - Coming Out to Friends
00:08:14 - Struggles with Family Acceptance
00:09:00 - Navigating Authenticity and Acceptance
00:10:10 - Parental Acceptance and Support
00:11:18 - Curiosity About Birth Family
00:12:29 - Beginning the Search for Biological Family
00:13:55 - Receiving Information from Adoptee Groups
00:14:58 - Reunion Process Initiation
00:15:48 - Emotional Response to Reunion News
00:16:00 - Initial Contact with Birth Family
00:17:00 - Concerns About Reunion and Acceptance
00:18:27 - Authenticity in Reunion Process
00:19:00 - Emotional Reunion Moment
00:20:36 - Acceptance and Unconditional Love
00:21:23 - Connecting with LGBTQ+ Adoptee Communities
00:22:18 - Resources for LGBTQ+ Support
00:23:05 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
00:24:46 - Connecting with the Guest
00:25:26 - Invitation to Town Hall Meeting -
"The root of the work, I would say, is really slowing down and learning how to sit with the discomfort of different sensations in the body." -- Rebecca Berg
TranscriptRead this episode's transcript: https://app.swellai.com/t/tp_01HQC31S90118VY2NM91EADH9Q
SynopsisIn this episode of Unraveling Adoption, I had the pleasure of speaking with Rebecca Berg, a registered dietitian and adoptee who specializes in the intersection of adoption and food behaviors. Rebecca shared her personal journey of overcoming orthorexia and how early childhood trauma can manifest in issues around food. We delved into the complexities of adoption trauma and its impact on food relationships, highlighting the importance of understanding the connection between food and emotional well-being.
Rebecca emphasized the need for adoptees to feel connected to their bodies and prioritize self-care, especially when dealing with stress and anxiety. She discussed the concept of "safe foods" for children with trauma histories and the importance of creating a structured and consistent meal environment to promote a sense of safety and security.
As an adoptive parent, Rebecca provided valuable insights on supporting adopted children with food issues, emphasizing the significance of co-regulation and offering familiar, comforting foods to build trust and stability. She also introduced the concept of "body doubling" as a supportive technique for individuals struggling with nutrition and mental health challenges.
Throughout the episode, Rebecca highlighted the importance of seeking professional help from registered dietitians with expertise in mental health and eating disorders. She shared practical advice for adoptive parents and individuals struggling with food-related issues, emphasizing the need for patience, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore and experiment with different approaches to nutrition and well-being.
The episode concluded with a reminder to join the upcoming town hall meeting on March 10th to address the serious issue of murders of adopted children by adoptive parents and brainstorm ways to create safer environments for adopted children in our communities.
Overall, the episode provides valuable insights into the complex relationship between adoption, trauma, and food behaviors, offering practical strategies for individuals and families navigating these challenges.
TimestampsIntroduction to Unraveling Adoption: 00:00:02-00:00:13
Exploring the Intersection of Adoption and Food Behaviors: 00:00:46-00:00:56
Personal Journey of an Adoptee and Registered Dietitian: 00:04:12-00:05:57
Understanding Orthorexia and Recovery: 00:05:05-00:06:07
Impact of Anxiety and Trauma on Eating Behaviors: 00:08:17-00:09:48
Becoming a Registered Dietitian: 00:10:06-00:11:29
Challenges and Nuances of Food Issues: 00:12:27-00:13:22
Strategies for Grounding and Regulation: 00:14:40-00:15:56
Body Doubling and Supportive Techniques: 00:15:56-00:16:44
Advice for Adoptive Parents on Food Issues: 00:17:02-00:19:00
Importance of Safe Foods and Feeding Practices: 00:19:10-00:20:17
Seeking Help and Professional Support: 00:20:38-00:22:51
Upcoming Event and Call to Action: 00:23:01-00:24:07
Resources mentioned in this episodeContact Rebecca at https://www.nostringsnutrition.com/.
Find Rebecca on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/no.strings.nutrition/
Follow Rebecca on Facebook @No Strings Nutrition: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61554833143968
Attend the Town Hall meeting on Sunday, March 10, 2024, to discuss adoptee murders and what we can do to keep our community's adopted children safe. adopteemurders.eventbrite.com
Other ResourcesAPtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
-
My adoptive father talked about it as my birthright to go back to Central America. I really like that framing. So I think that was part of the reason why they let me go on so many trips and that was such a wonderful experience. - Nelson de Witt
Discover the shocking truth about Nelson de Witt's journey to uncover his past after being adopted from Central America. His story is a heart-wrenching tale of forced disappearances, political strife, and the courage to face the truth. Nelson's experiences will leave you in awe and disbelief as he navigates the complexities of adoption and the impact of historical and cultural tragedies. Stay tuned to learn more about Nelson's daring quest for truth and how it continues to shape his life today.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the impact of forced disappearances on families in Central and South America.
Explore the complexities of political conflicts in Central America and how it impacted him as an adopted person.
Dive into the importance of understanding historical and cultural contexts of adoptees' early lives.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
My special guest is Nelson de Witt
Nelson de Witt, also known as Nelson/Roberto, is an advocate and survivor of El Salvador's civil war. He experienced a forced disappearance as a one-year-old and was reunited with his birth family at the age of 16. Nelson's personal story sheds light on the impact of forced disappearances on families. Through his experiences, he brings a unique perspective that helps to unravel the complexities of adoption and the historical and cultural context of the forced disappearances in Central and South America. His insights and advocacy work contribute to a greater understanding of the profound effects of such events on those involved - adopted or not.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Visit Nelson/Roberto's website at Nelsonroberto.com to learn more about his documentary film Identifying Nelson/Buscando Roberto and his book Waking from Innocent Dreams.
Check out the book Missing Mila, Finding Family written by Nelson's adoptive mother, which provides her perspective on the adoption story: https://amzn.to/4bDAABo
Keep an eye out for Nelson's upcoming story workshops for adoptees, which he may be launching publicly later in the year.
Follow Nelson on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/dewittn19/Impact of Forced Disappearances
Influenced by social, political, and personal factors, forced disappearances have far-reaching impacts on families and societies. The individuals left behind wrestle with prolonged uncertainty, emotional distress, and other psychological ramifications. Being aware of the deep emotional trauma fostered by forced disappearances aids us in comprehending the resilience shown by survivors and provides better support and understanding to those affected.Political Conflicts in Central America
Historical instances of political unrest in Central America have resulted in numerous human rights violations, including forced disappearances. These conflicts are multifaceted, characterized by fluid alliances, entrenched inequality, and differing ideological perspectives. By understanding these complexities, we gain a deeper insight into the atmosphere that gives rise to phenomena such as forced disappearances and how these events impact individuals and communities.===============
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces the podcast and herself as an adoptive mom, along with her guest Nelson de Witt. Nelson shares his experience of being separated from his birth family during El Salvador's civil war and being reunited with them at the age of 16.
00:01:09 - Growing Up and Discovery
Nelson talks about growing up in his adoptive family, being told he was adopted, and the mystery surrounding his adoption. He shares the shocking news of being reunited with his biological family and the intense emotions and overwhelming experience of meeting them for the first time.
00:04:18 - Adoption and Reunion
Nelson's adoptive parents share the harrowing discovery of Nelson's origins, including his parents being revolutionaries in the civil war, the kidnapping of a businessman, and the tragic events that led to Nelson being put up for adoption in the United States.
00:10:30 - Complexities of Central American History
Nelson delves into the complex history of conflict in Central America, highlighting the repressive government, violent suppression of activists, and the desperate measures people took to fight back, including taking up arms as a last resort.
00:13:26 - The Disappeared and Forced Disappearances
Nelson explains the term "disappeared" and its origin, detailing how individuals were forcibly abducted by the state as a tactic of fear or intimidation during the civil war in El Salvador. He also shares personal accounts of friends who were taken at gunpoint.
00:14:40 - Forced Disappearance in Central and South America
Nelson discusses the backdrop of the term "disappeared" (Desaparacido) and the cultural significance rooted in families missing loved ones. Over 100,000 people have been forcibly disappeared since 1950, with the majority presumed dead.
00:16:08 - The Unresolved Mystery
Nelson shares his experience of being reunited with his birth father at 16, who knew about his survival and adoption but had no idea about what happened to his wife and child. The unresolved fate of his birth mother is a lingering question.
00:18:27 - Reconnecting with Birth Family
Nelson reflects on his incredible journey of reuniting with his birth family and the challenges and excitement of embracing a new culture. He acknowledges the support and difficulty faced by his adoptive parents throughout the process.
00:21:26 - The Nature of Adoption
Nelson emphasizes the importance of acknowledging an adoptee's history and roots, beyond the nurture received from adoptive parents. He shares the positive impact of being allowed to explore his birthright in Central America.
00:25:19 - Continuing Issue of Forced Disappearances
The conversation ends on a poignant note as Nelson highlights the ongoing issue of forced disappearances in Central and South America to this day. He calls for awareness and support to make necessary changes.
-
Love is an action. It's not always pink and it's not always red. Sometimes it gets black, sometimes it gets blue. But love is an action. - Alicia Murray
In this episode, you will be able to:
Explore the challenges of foster care and adoption journeys.
Discover the profound importance of sibling connections in adoption.
Embrace the value of openness in adoption and birth family connections.
Find out how to provide essential post-adoption services and support.
Uncover the challenges and realities of adopting older children.
My special guest is Alicia Murray
Our guest, Alicia Murray, brings a wealth of firsthand experience in the adoption landscape. Having been adopted at the age of ten after navigating through seven different foster placements, Alicia's journey offers a unique perspective on the challenges of adoption, particularly when it comes to older children. With a background in psychology and a current role as a family support specialist, Alicia's insights are rooted in both personal experience and professional expertise. Her work in helping foster youth find permanency further solidifies her credibility as an advocate in the adoption community. Plus she's now an adoptive mom of two sibling toddlers herself. Alicia joins us to shed light on the realities and complexities of adopting older children, offering valuable knowledge and empathy to our discussion.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Email Alicia at [email protected] for any questions or inquiries about their programs and services.
Visit AFFCNY.org to explore an array of resources, events, programs, and support groups for adoptive families, teens, and everyone involved in the adoption process.
Find AFFCNY on Instagram as @AFFCNY, https://www.instagram.com/affcny/ ; and on Facebook as @Adoptive and Foster Family Coalition of New York, https://www.facebook.com/affcnyExplore the resources and support provided by Wendy's Wonderful Kids, a nonprofit organization collaborating with AFFCNY to help older adopted youth find permanent placement: https://www.davethomasfoundation.org/our-programs/wendys-wonderful-kids/
Beth's wonderful life coach, Heather Ross, has a podcast plus individual and group coaching: HeatherRossCoaching.com
===============
Embrace openness in adoption
A conversation with Alicia Murray unveils the transformative power of openness in adoption. She conveys a strong need for adoptive families to support a childβs connection with their biological roots, affirming itβs crucial for maintaining their sense of identity and well-being. With Aliciaβs encouraging perspective, it becomes evident that embracing openness in adoption does not necessarily divide love but multiplies it, fostering a nurturing environment for the child's overall development.===============
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth Syverson introduces herself as an adoptive mom and certified coach. Guest, Alicia Murray, shares her experience of being adopted at age ten after multiple foster placements.
00:00:51 - Alicia's Foster Experience
Alicia describes her tumultuous experience of being in multiple foster placements and finally being adopted at age ten. She also shares the challenges of being separated from her brother and the difficulties in finding a permanent home.
00:04:17 - Reconnecting with Biological Family
Alicia recounts the complicated story of reconnecting with her biological family at the age of 13, including finding her grandmother's phone number in the yellow pages and the emotional reunion with her mother.
00:11:20 - Finding Purpose and Healing
Alicia shares her journey of healing and finding purpose through therapy, introspection, and pursuing a career in foster care and adoption. She reflects on how her own experiences have shaped her approach as a foster and adoptive parent.
00:13:37 - Fostering and Adoption Journey
Alicia discusses her initial intention to become a foster parent, her unexpected journey of adopting two siblings, and the challenges and joys of raising them as part of her own family.
00:14:07 - Importance of Open Adoption
Alicia discusses the benefits of openness in adoption for children, emphasizing the importance of knowing their lineage and feeling like a whole human as adults.
00:15:53 - Challenges of Closed Adoption
Alicia highlights the negative impact of closed adoptions, where adoptive parents cut off communication with the child once they become adults, leading to resentment and lack of trust.
00:17:33 - Building Relationships with Birth Parents
Alicia shares her experiences of maintaining a relationship with the birth mother and the challenges of navigating visits, emphasizing the importance of communication and respect in the co-parenting dynamic.
00:21:29 - Post-Adoption Support Services
Alicia explains her role as a family support specialist, providing post-adoptive families with a range of services and support, including therapy, groups, and resources, to help them navigate the complexities of adoption.
00:25:25 - Empathy and Triggering
Alicia discusses her personal experiences as an adoptee and foster child, and how it influences her empathy and approach to supporting adoptive families dealing with challenging situations.
00:27:51 - Challenges of Adoptive Parenting
Alicia discusses the challenges adoptive parents face, including the reality of dealing with issues such as sexual acting out, addiction, and trauma-related behaviors in older adopted children. She emphasizes the importance of being prepared and having realistic expectations.
00:29:29 - Impact of Relinquishment Trauma
Alicia highlights the lasting impact of relinquishment trauma on adopted children, regardless of when it occurred. She emphasizes the need for love and support, acknowledging that the journey may have ups and downs, but connection is crucial for healing.
00:30:19 - The Journey of Older Adopted Children
Beth shares her personal experience of navigating through challenging years with her adopted child and the transformation she witnessed as he's grown into adulthood. She stresses the importance of support and understanding for older adopted children, as well as the ongoing learning process for parents.
00:32:35 - Support for Adoptive Families
Alicia discusses the resources and support provided by her organization, AFFCNY, for adoptive parents, foster parents, and teens. She encourages listeners to explore the services available and consider contributing to the nonprofit organizations, AFFCNY, and Wendy's Wonderful Kids, to help support their initiatives.
00:33:46 - Importance of Inclusion and Support
Beth and Alicia express the importance of including the voices of older adopted children in conversations about adoption and advocating for their needs. They emphasize the significance of understanding the complexities of adoption and supporting organizations that work towards enhancing the lives of adoptees and foster youth.
-
"I started meditating a lot, and eventually doing retreats, eventually going to monasteries, spending some time in a Zen Buddhist meditation center. So, yeah, I think that's kind of where I took my pain, my anguish, my existential questions, and I think there's some ambiguity there. I think there's also a kind of escapism, because I didn't know how to connect with the world or address questions that other people my age were addressing. Like livelihood, relationships, family. I just sat on a cushion." - Julian Washio Collette
Can you imagine the weight of not belonging and carrying the trauma of multiple abandonments? The struggle to find a sense of identity and stability after being adopted and then relinquished and adopted again is incredibly challenging. The lack of control over your own story and the feeling of being failed by the system can leave deep emotional scars. Julian's life story will help you understand the impacts of relinquishment, and will make you aware of the importance of finding support and community to help navigate the complexities of adoption.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the unique challenges of being a double adoptee and how it shapes one's identity.
Explore the profound impact of abandonment and abuse on adoptees and their journey to healing.
Gain insight into the complexities of adoption and the importance of understanding its nuances.
Discover the need for better support systems for adoptees and how it can positively impact their lives.
Learn about the lifelong impact of multiple abandonments and how it shapes the adoptee's perspective and experiences.
My special guest is Julian Washio-Collette
Julian Washio-Collette, a former Catholic monk currently residing in Portland, Oregon, is our guest for this episode. As a double adoptee, Julian's personal journey of being adopted as an infant and then again at the age of nine provides a unique perspective on the complexities of adoption. With a passion for writing about spirituality, adoption, and healing, Julian's insights and experiences contribute to a deeper understanding of the challenges faced by individuals impacted by adoption or abandonment. His story sheds light on the resilience and strength needed to navigate such intricate circumstances, making him a valuable voice in the conversation around adoption.
===============
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Visit Julian's blog site called Peregrine Adoptee to read his insightful writings about spirituality, adoption, and healing: peregrineadoptee.wordpress.com
Explore the Unraveling Adoption website to find information about upcoming events, webinars, and workshops related to adoption and healing, including Mee Ok Icaro's upcoming webinar about Sacred Plant Medicine 101 for the Adoption Constellation: unravelingadoption.com/events
===============
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unique Challenges of Double Adoptees
The unique challenges faced by double adoptees like Julian Washio-Collette are centered around the absence of family continuity and frequent displacement. The uncertainty, disconnection, and confusion induced by double adoptions can leave deep psychological scars. Their unprecedented experiences urge us to shed light on the hidden complexities of double adoption and foster understanding about their distinct needs and perspectives.===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces herself as an adoptive mom and certified coach. Julian's background as a double adoptee is highlighted, setting the stage for a complex and impactful story.
00:01:21 - Julian's Early Life
Julian shares details about his first adoption and the secrecy surrounding his birth and early years. The lack of information about his early life creates a sense of fuzziness and identity dissonance.
00:05:16 - Second Adoption and Family Dynamics
Julian recounts the circumstances of his second adoption at the age of nine and the abusive environment in his second adoptive family. The lack of support and bond with his adoptive parents led to a feeling of survival mode for both him and his sister.
00:09:29 - Support Systems and Coping Mechanisms
Beth and Julian discuss the absence of support for him from social workers, teachers, and extended family members. Julian's coping mechanisms, including withdrawal, guilt, and finding solace in punk music and skateboarding, are highlighted.
00:11:55 - Surviving and Coping
Julian reflects on how he navigated through his challenging childhood, highlighting the lack of genuine bond with his adoptive parents and the role of music and skateboarding as outlets for emotional expression and physical activity.
00:13:32 - Early Years and Spiritual Exploration
Julian shares his journey from skateboarding and punk rock shows to discovering healing and spirituality. He discusses his involvement in 12-step programs and Zen Buddhist meditation before becoming a Catholic monk.
00:15:28 - Escaping Into Spirituality
Julian reflects on using meditation and retreats as a way to escape from addressing societal and personal questions. He discusses his codependent relationships and the concept of "abandaholic."
00:17:13 - Transition to Catholicism and Monastic Life
Julian describes his intuitive decision to join a Catholic monastery and the impactful spiritual experience he had there. He explains his connection to the writings of Julian of Norwich and the significance of choosing the name Julian.
00:19:24 - Cultural Inheritance and Homecoming
Julian shares his experience of feeling a sense of homecoming to his native religion and cultural heritage at the monastery. He discusses the power of symbolism, rituals, and the impact of his Italian background on his spiritual journey.
00:23:19 - The Impact of Closed Adoptions
Julian discusses the lack of care and concern within the adoption system, highlighting the failures of the closed adoption process. He emphasizes the need for change and the impact on both adoptees and birth mothers.
-
βI think for adoptees, my biggest advice for them is to ask if you need something. Whether it be therapy, whether it's understanding your story, whether it's being able to know your identity, ask. And if they don't want to tell you, keep asking.β -- Sariah Baker
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the profound influence of adoption trauma on self-identity and self-worth.
Discover the unique struggles and triumphs faced by intercountry adoptees in the LGBTQ+ community.
Recognize the pivotal role adoptive parents play in supporting the unique needs and experiences of intercountry adoptees.
Learn about effective therapeutic approaches that empower intercountry adoptees to navigate their complex identities and experiences.
Observe a journey of self-discovery and personal growth as an intercountry adoptee sheds limiting labels and societal expectations.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
My special guest is Sariah Baker
Sariah Baker, a 31-year-old human resources manager living in Portland, Oregon, brings a unique perspective to the complexities of intercountry and interracial adoption. As an intercountry adoptee from China, raised in a white Mormon family, Sariah's story delves into the intricate layers of identity she has navigated throughout her life. Her experiences offer valuable insights into the challenges and triumphs of finding and embracing one's true identity.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Subscribe to Sariah's YouTube channel The Adoptee Apostate for insightful content and poetry readings related to adoption, identity, and personal growth: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAdopteeApostate
Follow Sariah on TikTok at The Adoptee Apostate for engaging and thought-provoking videos on adoption, mental health, and self-discovery: https://www.tiktok.com/@theadopteeapostate
Connect with Sariah on Instagram at The Adoptee Apostate for updates on her journey, poetry, and discussions on adoption and identity: https://www.instagram.com/theadopteeapostate/
Hereβs the book Sariah mentioned about her Chinese orphanage, Death by Default: A Policy of Fatal Neglect in China's State Orphanages: https://amzn.to/3HAsiMI
Adoption Mosaic is a wonderful organization, headed by Astrid Castro, to support adoptees: https://adoptionmosaic.com/
Other resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Uncovering the Impact of Adoption Trauma
Adoption trauma can have long-lasting effects on an adoptee. It can shake one's self-perception and fuel internal struggles, particularly in relation to identity. Helping adoptees navigate and heal from such trauma requires understanding, patience, and therapeutic intervention.Embracing the Vital Role of Adoptive Parents
Adoptive parents play a crucial role in mitigating the impacts of adoption trauma and providing an accepting space for their children. They hold the responsibility of fostering open communication, providing emotional support, and celebrating the unique backgrounds of their adoptees. Proper understanding and support from adoptive parents can significantly aid in an adoptee's journey towards self-acceptance and self-discovery.===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces the podcast and the guest, Sariah Baker, an intercountry adoptee from China raised in a white Mormon family. Sariah briefly shares her background and the circumstances of her adoption.
00:02:47 - Challenges of Adoption
Sariah discusses the complexities of her adoption, including the traumatic experiences in the orphanage and the challenges of being raised in a white Mormon family as a Chinese adoptee.
00:06:53 - Struggles with Identity and Trauma
Sariah shares her struggles with trauma, perfectionism, and navigating her sexuality within the context of her Mormon upbringing, leading to emotional pain and self-medication with large quantities of Ibuprofen.
00:10:15 - Seeking Help and Recovery
Sariah recounts seeking help for her mental health struggles and the impact of institutional treatment on breaking free from perfectionism and allowing herself to feel emotions.
00:11:28 - The Dangers of Self-Medication
Sariah and Beth discuss the dangers of self-medication with Ibuprofen, highlighting the need for parents to secure over-the-counter medications and the underlying psychological need for control in such situations.
00:12:04 - Overcoming Struggles with Therapy
Sariah shares her experience with therapy, including DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and talk therapy, to overcome feelings of perfectionism and unmask her true self.
00:13:24 - Faith Crisis and Identity Struggle
Sariah discusses her struggle with her faith and identity crisis, including grappling with her sexuality and the impact of her environment on her mental health.
00:14:37 - Battle with Bipolar Disorder
Sariah opens up about her battle with bipolar disorder, including her suicide attempt and the importance of seeking help.
00:19:39 - Search for Birth Family
Sariah talks about her ongoing journey to find her birth family, including her experience with DNA testing and the challenges she faces in this quest for self-discovery.
00:22:53 - Family Support and Validation
Sariah reflects on the lack of support and validation from her adoptive family in her search for her birth family, emphasizing the importance of understanding and support in an adoptee's journey of self-discovery.
00:23:57 - Responsibilities of Adoptive Parents
Sariah and Beth discuss the important responsibilities of adoptive parents, emphasizing the need for a holistic approach to supporting the emotional and healing needs of adopted children, as well as being prepared for potential reunions and therapy.
00:25:08 - Challenges of Intercountry Adoption
Sariah and the host discuss the unexpected challenges and expenses of intercountry adoption, including the need for multiple trips to the child's country of origin, potential reunions, and therapy. They highlight the importance of adoptive parents being prepared for these aspects.
00:28:25 - Cultural Awareness and Identity
Sariah shares her experience of growing up in a predominantly white and Mormon culture, where her Chinese identity and culture were not fully integrated. She discusses the impact of not being encouraged to explore her cultural heritage and the implications for adoptees.
00:31:56 - Family Dynamics and Healing
Sariah reflects on her complex relationship with her adoptive family, expressing a desire for a more nurturing and supportive dynamic. She discusses the challenges of navigating her trauma and seeking acknowledgment and understanding from her family.
00:34:04 - Challenges of Identity and Acceptance
Sariah delves into the challenges of navigating her identity as a former Mormon, her sexuality, and the pressure to conform to societal expectations. She shares her struggle with feeling judged by her family and the difficulty of making personal choices.
00:35:42 - Impact of self-talk and internal struggles
Sariah discusses the unhealthy impact of self-talk and the internal struggles she faces as an adoptee, including feelings of being a bad person and the trauma of abandonment.
00:36:33 - Adoptive parents' reinforcement and expectations
Sariah shares how adoptive parents' reinforcement and expectations can contribute to an adoptee's struggle with identity and acceptance, highlighting the challenges of being gay in a conservative environment.
00:37:28 - Prioritizing self-needs and coping mechanisms
Sariah talks about prioritizing her own needs and shares coping mechanisms, including the use of poetry as a way to express emotions and the concept of the "backpack of truths" to acknowledge and accept oneself.
00:40:34 - Breaking free from societal labels
Sariah reflects on breaking free from societal labels and embracing her authentic self, emphasizing the importance of personal growth and self-acceptance as an adoptee with multiple identities. Sariah shares a hopeful poem she wrote called βWalls Versus Gates.β
00:44:28 - Advice for adoptees and self-discovery
Sariah offers advice for adoptees to seek understanding of their identity and emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and self-acceptance, encouraging others to explore their truths and seek support in their journey. -
"Change can happen incrementally, and oftentimes it's better that it does. We've heard the cliche 'trust the process.' Oftentimes the process is the most important thing." - David Bohl
Join relinquishee/adoptee recovery coach David Bohl as he confronts the paradox of finding trust and healing in the intersection of adoption and addiction. He guides individuals towards healthy coping mechanisms and support in the face of deep-rooted trauma.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the possible impacts of adoption trauma on mental health and addiction.
Embrace TRUST as a key component in the journey to recovery.
Explore the unique challenges of addiction for adopted people.
Find safe and supportive communities for healing and growth.
My special guest is David Bohl
Meet David B. Bohl, an expert in addiction and adoption, whose personal journey through addiction recovery and exploration of the complex intersection between adoption and addiction brings a unique blend of empathy and expertise to our conversation. With a background that includes serving on the boards of prominent addiction and adoption organizations and receiving credentials from esteemed organizations like the Hazelton Betty Ford Graduate School of Addiction Studies, David's insights are informed, compassionate, and relatable. His memoir, Parallel Universes, and nonfiction book, Relinquishment and Addiction: What Trauma Has to Do with It, not only solidify his expertise but also highlight his commitment to providing support for individuals affected by adoption and addiction. David's balanced approach to destigmatizing addiction and promoting recovery reflects his genuine passion for helping others navigate their healing journey.
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
To find David Bohl's recovery coaching services, visit his website at beaconconfidential.com or Google his name with the middle initial B to find his many resources online.
Buy Davidβs memoir Parallel Universes: The Story of Rebirth: https://www.amazon.com/Parallel-Universes-David-B-Bohl-ebook/dp/B079KSVJGB
Check out the book David wrote with Jamie Marich, Relinquishment and Addiction: What Trauma Has to Do With It: https://www.amazon.com/Relinquishment-Addiction-What-Trauma-Has-ebook/dp/B09NZ37CX6
Hereβs Jamie Marichβs book Trauma and the 12 Steps: https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-12-Steps-Meditations-Reflections-ebook/dp/B08KC38MJZ
Paul Sunderland's excellent video "Addiction & Adoption: Remembered Not Recalled" can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3e0-SsmOUJI
Celia Center has a facilitated adoption constellation addiction group, led by David, that meets every other Tuesday. Find more information here: https://celiacenter.org/
To sign up for the Untangling Our Roots Summit in Denver in April 2024, visit the event's website for registration details. UntanglingOurRoots.com
For adoptive parents interested in coaching groups, visit unravelingadoption.com/coaching or email Beth at [email protected] for more information on upcoming coaching groups or individual coaching sessions.
If you're an adoptee, birth parent, adoptive parent, or ally looking for support groups or events, visit unravelingadoption.com/Calendar. I maintain a Community Calendar listing there with dozens of support groups for the adoption constellation.
===============
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Embracing trust in recovery -
David emphasizes the crucial role of trust in recovery. From his own experiences, he realized that as an adoptee he had struggled to trust himself, others, and Higher Powers. His recovery journey was initiated by a process of rebuilding trust and finding healthier ways to deal with life's stressors. This topic is important as it underscores the concept that trust serves as a fundamental pillar in the path to recovery.
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces herself, and acknowledges her and her son Joe's commitment to helping those impacted by adoption. She also introduces David Bohl as a guest who has struggled and recovered from addiction.
00:01:00 - David's Adoption Story and Addiction
David shares his adoption story of being relinquished at birth and adopted, as well as his struggles with alcohol and nicotine addiction. He highlights the impact of trust issues stemming from his relinquishment and adoption experiences.
00:03:42 - Destigmatizing Addiction
David discusses the need to destigmatize addiction and use everyday language to describe and address addiction issues. He emphasizes the importance of building trust and using more accepting language in recovery programs.
00:07:29 - Recovery and Identity Formation
David shares his journey of recovery, emphasizing the expansion of his identity from a disconnected individual to someone who has learned healthy coping mechanisms and repaired fractured relationships. He highlights the ongoing process of identity formation in recovery.
00:08:52 - Understanding Relinquishment and Addiction
Beth expresses empathy for the depth of pain experienced by relinquished individuals and acknowledges the tough challenge of dealing with disconnection from a young age. David emphasizes that addiction is simply a problem to be solved and discusses the need for understanding and support in addressing addiction issues.
00:12:08 - Importance of Safe Communities and Validation
David emphasizes the importance of finding safe communities and getting validated in adoption spaces. He explains how it allows individuals to understand different perspectives and get to know themselves better, but also highlights that it is just the minimum needed to start healing.
00:13:26 - Stabilizing the Situation
David discusses the need to stabilize the situation in addiction treatment, emphasizing the importance of eliminating unhealthy behaviors and perceptions while enhancing one's ability to feel good about themselves and their place in the world. He stresses the need for careful discussions and robust community support.
00:15:04 - Addiction and Adoption Constellation Support Group
David shares insights about the addiction and adoption constellation support group he runs with Celia Center. He explains the purpose of the group, emphasizing the importance of creating a safe place, validating experiences, and facilitating robust discussions within the adoption constellation community.
00:18:33 - Resources and Support for the Adoption Constellation
David discusses the availability of resources and support for the adoption constellation community, emphasizing the importance of raising awareness, providing psychoeducation, and letting people know about the various resources that now exist, especially through virtual platforms like Zoom.
00:20:32 - Helping Adopted Individuals in Addiction
David shares his approach to helping adopted individuals struggling with addiction, emphasizing the importance of finding someone to trust, getting clear on what's working and what's not, setting up goals, identifying outcomes, and providing resources and support to help individuals overcome their challenges
00:23:40 - Introduction to Recovery Coaching
David Bohl discusses his role as a recovery consultant and coach, offering support and resources for those struggling with addiction.
00:24:50 - Reach Out for Help
David emphasizes the importance of seeking help and finding resources that work for each individual, encouraging listeners to reach out and find support.
00:25:34 - Be Gentle with Yourself
David shares a message of self-compassion and incremental change, reminding listeners to be gentle with themselves and trust the healing process.
00:26:30 - Coaching Groups for Adoptive Parents
Beth invites adoptive parents to join coaching groups focused on supporting teens and young adults struggling with addiction, as well as nurturing identity and making connections for younger children.
00:27:39 - Conclusion and Call to Action
Beth encourages listeners to share the episode with those who may benefit from the important discussion on addiction, and expresses gratitude to David for his wisdom and mentorship.
-
"Adoptive parents, go do your own work. It's kind of a natural birthright to know who you are." - Louise Browne
Adoptive parents and allies: Do you want to better understand and support your adoptive child's experiences? Our guests, adoptees Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Browne, will be sharing valuable insights and guidance on how to gain a deeper understanding and provide the support that adoptees need to thrive. By listening to their stories - and other adoptees' stories they share on their Adoption: The Making of Me podcast episodes - you can gain a deeper understanding and provide the necessary support for your adoptive child to flourish. Tune in to gain some new insights to support your adoptive child's journey.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the unique challenges of adoption experiences.
Explore the impact of secrecy and shame in adoption.
Gain insight into adoptees' alternate realities and perspectives.
Get the inside scoop about Sarah and Louise's friendship and their podcast, Adoption: The Making of Me.
My special guests are Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Brownee
Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Browne are the dynamic duo behind the podcast Adoption: The Making of Me. As adoptees themselves, they bring their personal stories and insights in a candid and relatable manner on their own pod. Through their podcast, they aim to unravel the complexities of adoption, offering a blend of humor, empathy, and raw honesty. Sarah and Louise's journey of coming "out of the fog" in real-time adds authenticity and depth to their discussions, making their podcast an invaluable resource for adoptive parents and allies seeking to understand and support their children's experiences. Get ready to dive into their fascinating stories and gain a deeper understanding of adoption through their eyes. And find out more about their podcast's background and hopes for the future.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
To listen to the Adoption: The Making of Me podcast, visit their website at adoptionthemakingofme.com, or search for them on your favorite podcast platform.
Support the Adoption: The Making of Me podcast on Patreon to help them continue their important work in elevating adoptive voices and providing valuable resources to the adoption community. https://www.patreon.com/themakingofmepodcast
Come meet Sarah and Louise in New York for a meet-and-greet before Rebecca Autumn Sansom's and Liz DeBetta's Operation Fog Lift NYC Edition on February 2-4, 2024.
Here are some of the books that were mentioned in the episode:
The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier
Journey of the Adopted Self by Betty Jean Lifton
The Baby Thief: The Untold Story of Georgia Tann, the Baby Seller Who Corrupted Adoption by Barbara Bisantz Raymond
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introducing the Guests
Beth introduces the guests, Sarah Reinhardt and Louise Browne, who co-host the podcast Adoption: The Making of Me. They aim to uncover adoption complexities and share their own adoption stories.
00:01:23 - Different Adoption Stories
Sarah and Louise discuss their different adoption experiences. Sarah had a traumatic beginning, while Louise was adopted into a loving family. They highlight the impact of adoption on their lives.
00:09:30 - Coming Out of the Fog
The guests share their journey of coming out of the fog, realizing the complexities of adoption, and experiencing emotional ups and downs. They discuss the awakening moments and the challenges they faced during this process.
00:11:42 - Starting the Podcast
Sarah and Louise reflect on starting their podcast without anticipating the emotional intensity of discussing their adoption experiences. They talk about bonding over being adoptees and finding camaraderie with other adoptees.
00:13:02 - Adoptee Camaraderie
The guests highlight the unique camaraderie among adoptees, where they can instantly connect with others who share similar experiences. They emphasize the shared understanding and connection that comes from living through adoption.
00:13:12 - The Beginning of the Podcast Journey
Sarah and Louise discuss how their podcast journey began as adoptees looking to explore the adoption world and provide a platform for adoptees to share their stories.
00:14:39 - Unexpected Growth and Community
Reflecting on the podcast's growth, Sarah and Louise acknowledge the impact of books, their supportive listeners, and the community they've built, highlighting the importance of diverse adoptee voices.
00:16:39 - Insights from Difficult Topics
The hosts share insights from discussing difficult topics, such as the book The Baby Thief, shedding light on the impact of historical figures like Georgia Tann and the far-reaching ripple effects of adoption-related trauma.
00:19:00 - Embracing Adoptee Stories
Sarah and Louise express their commitment to providing space for all adoptees to share their stories, emphasizing the importance of empathy and understanding regardless of individual experiences.
00:24:18 - Future Visions and Realities
The hosts discuss their future vision for the podcast, acknowledging the desire to reach wider audiences and expand their impact, while also recognizing the challenges of balancing real-life responsibilities with podcasting.
00:25:37 - Weekend Events and Workshops
Sarah and Louise discuss the upcoming New York event Operation Fog Lift, including a happy hour, a movie screening, and a writing workshop. They highlight the opportunities for adoptees and supporters to connect in person.
00:26:41 - First In-Person Event
Louise shares that this is their first in-person event, and they express excitement about meeting people face to face. They emphasize the transformative experience of interacting with others in real life.
00:27:59 - Advice for Adoptive Parents
The hosts offer advice for adoptive parents, emphasizing the importance of open communication, doing personal healing work, and not taking things personally. They stress the significance of acknowledging the adoptee's identity and experiences.
00:32:12 - Abundance of Adoptee Podcasts
Sarah and Louise discuss the value of the adoption community supporting numerous adoptee podcasts, emphasizing the diversity of voices and the ability to cater to different segments of the audience. They highlight the importance of collaboration and supporting each other within the adoption community.
00:34:27 - Dream Celebrity Interviews
The hosts express their desire to interview celebrities such as Keegan Michael Key, Colin Kaepernick, and Simone Biles, who all have adoption connections. They share their bold approach to reaching out to potential guests and the significance of elevating adoptee voices through their podcast.
00:38:12 - Coaching for Adoptive Parents
Beth offers coaching services for adoptive parents, specializing in helping them navigate through challenges such as addiction, mental health, and suicidality in their children. Her personal experience allows her to provide valuable support and resources.
-
"Today really is the solidified decision is that I'm going to quit marijuana for...not forever, but for one day at a time. That's how people should look at it. You don't have to, but that's how I'm looking at it, to keep myself afloat." -- Joe Nakao
Unraveling Adoption's co-creator Joe Nakao catches us up on his journey to achieve personal growth and to heal his cannabis addiction, seeking support and understanding along the way.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the derailing effect of cannabis addiction
Unravel the impact of genetic factors on adoptive individuals' addiction.
Embrace the importance of self-compassion and support in addiction recovery.
Explore the benefits of online support groups in addiction recovery.
My special guest is my dear son, Joe Nakao
As a co-creator of this podcast, Joe brings a personal and relatable touch to the discussion. He bravely shares his journey of addiction recovery and healing, shedding light on the complexities of his experiences as a transracial adoptee. Joe's candid and insightful reflections offer a valuable perspective on the challenges of overcoming addiction, making him an authentic and credible voice for individuals on similar paths.
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Check out the community calendar at unravelingadoption.com/calendar for continuously-updated support groups, including specific groups for adoptees and addiction.
Here's a Filtered view of the Addiction-specific events on the Community Calendar: https://airtable.com/app2ZqjhAS6xbLNBt/shrcW41MlAT0Bivrx
Join the interactive workshop How to Change Well on Zoom on Monday, January 8, 2024, at 4pm PST / 7pm EST. The workshop focuses on gracefully and intentionally making changes in your life. The cost is $20.24, and Patreon supporters receive a 50% discount on live events, including this workshop. Register at howtochangewell.eventbrite.com.
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and New Year Update
Beth introduces the episode and her son, Joe, who shares his recent achievements, such as getting his driver's permit and enrolling in college. Joe also discusses his struggles with substance abuse and mental health.
00:04:21 - Impact of Substance Abuse
Joe discusses the negative effects of marijuana on his life, including memory problems and lack of motivation. He and his mom also reflect on how self-medication with marijuana as a transracially adopted teen makes sense.
00:10:31 - Influence of Supplements on Recovery
Joe attributes a portion of his ability to pursue recovery to the supplements he has been taking that were prescribed after his genetic testing. These supplements have helped him feel more focused and engaged in tasks that he would have previously avoided.
00:11:32 - Embracing Change and Self-Discovery
Joe expresses a newfound determination to make positive changes in his life. He acknowledges the need to go deeper in his healing process and emphasizes the importance of making the decision to pursue sobriety from within.
00:13:57 - Intrinsic Motivation for Recovery
Beth and Joe discuss the significance of intrinsic motivation in the recovery process. Joe recognizes that sustainable change comes from within and highlights the importance of being personally invested in the journey towards sobriety.
00:14:14 - Recognizing the bigger picture of success
Joe discusses his realization about the dead-end path of his weed usage and the importance of making a life for himself. He acknowledges the benefits of weed but recognizes its negative impact on his life.
00:15:39 - Support from friends and addiction
Joe shares how his friends have been supportive and want him to be better. He reflects on his desire to be in a position to help others in the same way his friends have helped him.
00:17:41 - Genetics and addiction
Beth highlights the impact of genetics on addiction and how it can be especially relevant for adopted individuals who may not know their genetic predispositions. Joe emphasizes the importance of self-compassion and reaching out for support.
00:19:16 - Finding the healing path
Joe advises individuals struggling with addiction to practice self-compassion and seek external support. He emphasizes the value of meditation and self-expression through art or exercise as part of the healing journey.
00:23:19 - Reaching out for help
Joe stresses the importance of reaching out to others for support, even if feeling lonely or in crisis. He encourages individuals to seek online groups, addiction and/or adoption support groups, and to find people who can offer compassionate help.
-
βIf you, as the white adoptive parent, are comfortable, you're not doing it right. Because your kid is uncomfortable.β - Katie Wynen
Are you touched by transracial adoption? Or do you know any adoptees who were adopted transracially? How do you personally frame transracial adoption? Some common rationalizations include the belief that love is enough, that colorblindness is the solution, and that children will assimilate easily into their new culture. But this episode will challenge those cultural norms which are based on white privilege. Stay tuned as our guest, transracial adoptee and adoption professional, Katie Wynen, shares her truth about ethical practices in transracial adoption.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Understand the complexities of transracial adoption and how to navigate them effectively.
Find support and insight to do the very best you can as adoptive parents in a diverse family dynamic.
Recognize and combat the impact of white supremacy on transracial adoptive families.
Discover strategies for helping a transracially adopted child navigate their racial identity in a loving and supportive environment.
My special guest is Katie Wynen
Katie Wynen is a transracial, Colombian adoptee who holds a Master's degree in Social Work and boasts over a decade of experience as an adoption professional. Having studied under Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao in Boston, Katie's professional journey led her to join the staff of Pact: An Adoption Alliance in 2012. In her role, she is involved in adoption placement, leading adult adoptee support groups, and providing adoption education on a national scale. Notably, Katie's commitment to advocating for adoptees, particularly those who are people of color and LGBTQ+, was acknowledged with the Angels in Adoption 2019 award from the Congressional Coalition on Adoption Institute. With her extensive personal and professional background, Katie is a key resource for gaining insights into ethical practices in transracial adoption.
ππππππππ
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
ππππππππ
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Visit pactadopt.org for information on support calls, webinars, teen and tween club, and other resources related to adoption, including race and adoption-focused therapy.
Contact Katie at [email protected] for additional resources, adoptee support groups, and therapy support resources.
Check out unravelingadoption.com for a free support group for adoptive parents, individual and group coaching, and other resources for people touched by adoption.
Understanding Transracial Adoption Complexities
Transracial adoption brings unique complexities that need acknowledgment and understanding. As Katie Wynen highlights, adoptees of color often grapple with feelings of discomfort and a lack of belonging in their adoptive families. Moreover, nuances such as navigating racial identity within a family of a different race underscores the need for comprehensive support structures.ππππππππ
Other resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
ππππππππ
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
ππππππππ
Support and Insight for Adoptive Parents
Adoptive parents play a pivotal role in shaping the experiences of their adopted children. As such, they require adequate knowledge and tools to help their children navigate challenges related to their racial identity and adoption. Wynen emphasizes the need for adoptive parents, especially those of transracial adoptions, to consider proactive approaches like finding their own support systems and continually educating themselves about various adoption issues.Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces herself as an adoptive mom of her 19-year-old son, Joe. She also introduces Katie Wynen, a transracial, international Colombian adoptee with a Master's degree in Social Work.
00:00:57 - Katie's Adoption Story
Katie shares her adoption story, being born in BogotΓ‘, Colombia, and being adopted by a white Episcopalian family in the U.S. She discusses growing up in a predominantly white community and the impact of being a transracial adoptee.
00:03:15 - Challenges of Growing Up
Katie reflects on challenges she faced growing up in a white family and community as a person of color. She discusses the lack of cultural connection, language barriers, and the importance of diversity in educational settings.
00:08:40 - Career Path and Mentoring
Katie talks about her career trajectory, from initially wanting to be a teacher to pursuing social work, inspired by her experience working with adopted youth. She also shares her experience working under Dr. Joyce Maguire Pavao and the impact it had on her professional development.
00:11:18 - Joining Pact
Katie describes her journey to joining Pact: An Adoption Alliance, and how she initially volunteered before being hired. She shares her persistence and manifestation in pursuing her career in the adoption field.
00:14:27 - Focus on supporting prospective adoptive parents of color
Katie emphasizes Pact's focus on supporting prospective adoptive parents of color, including same-race placements, and how this approach differs from traditional adoption agencies.
00:17:32 - Family preservation approach
Katie discusses Pact's approach to family preservation, highlighting the organization's commitment to exploring all options to support birth parents in parenting before considering adoption placements.
00:22:04 - Ethical adoption practices
Katie emphasizes Pact's commitment to ethical adoption practices and how they prioritize the best interests of the child and family preservation over the desires of prospective adoptive parents.
00:24:06 - Post-placement support and resources
Katie explains how Pact provides extensive post-placement support, including virtual support calls, webinars, family camps, and specific support for adoptees and their families, setting them apart from other adoption agencies.
00:26:19 - Support for Birth Parents
Katie discusses the support provided to birth parents, including financial assistance and check-ins. She contrasts this with other agencies that do not offer similar support.
00:26:59 - Pact Camp Overview
Katie provides an overview of Pact Camp, including its focus on education and support for both kids and adults. She emphasizes the importance of providing a safe space for adoptive families of color.
00:28:39 - Age-Appropriate Discussions
Katie explains how she conducts age-appropriate discussions about adoption with kids at Pact Camp, addressing the challenges they face and empowering them to respond to teasing and intrusive questions.
00:30:44 - Impact of Pact Camp
Katie shares heartwarming stories of kids at Pact Camp expressing their emotions and having meaningful conversations with their parents. She emphasizes the importance of creating a supportive and inclusive environment for adoptive families.
00:35:32 - Transracial Adoption
The conversation delves into the complexities and challenges of transracial adoption, with Katie expressing her personal and professional views on the topic. Both the adoptee and social worker perspectives are presented.
00:39:25 - The discomfort of adoptees of color with white parents
Katie shares that adoptees of color often feel uncomfortable around their white adoptive parents 95% of the time. She emphasizes the need for white adoptive parents to prioritize their child's well-being over their own comfort.
00:40:30 - Relationship with parents
Katie discusses her relationship with her parents, acknowledging that they are not fully estranged but also not extremely close. She highlights the importance of adoptive parents acknowledging their involvement in the adoption process and the need for better support for adoptees of color.
00:43:38 - Coming out of the fog
Katie advises adoptive parents to find their own support and therapy when coming to terms with their role in the adoption process. She emphasizes the need for adoptive parents to acknowledge their involvement and privilege, and to commit to being different moving forward.
00:45:25 - Acknowledging involvement in adoption
Katie expresses the importance of adoptive parents acknowledging their role in the adoption industry and their lack of knowledge. She also highlights the need for adoptive parents to recognize their child as a person of color and to provide support and understanding in the face of racial challenges.
00:50:27 - Adoption trauma
Katie discusses the ongoing impact of adoption trauma and relinquishment trauma on adoptees, emphasizing that it is always a significant part of their experience, especially for those who do not look like their parents. She encourages adoptive parents to understand and address this underlying trauma
00:52:09 - Identity and White Supremacy
Beth shares a troubling experience of her son seeing a white person when he looks in the mirror. The conversation delves into the impact of white supremacy on identity and adoption.
00:52:44 - Ethical Adoption
Beth acknowledges Katie's work in ethical adoption and expresses gratitude for her efforts. The conversation highlights the thin line of ethical adoption and the challenges faced by adoptees.
00:53:19 - Importance of Listening
Katie emphasizes the importance of audio platforms for learning about race and adoption. The conversation encourages listeners to reflect and engage in difficult conversations on race and transracial adoption.
00:53:48 - Resources and Support
Katie shares information about Pact's website and resources for support groups, therapy, and events related to race and adoption. The conversation also touches on the evolving perspectives on transracial adoption.
00:55:15 - Collaboration and Support
Beth and Katie discuss collaboration opportunities and encourage listeners to explore Pact's and Unraveling Adoption's websites for additional support and resources.
-
"Adoption is about finding homes for babies, not about finding babies for families." -- Paul Fiscus
Do you want to see an increase in awareness and advocacy for natural fathers? Join me in listening to Paul Fiscus' plea for greater support and recognition for natural fathers. He hasn't seen his 5-year-old daughter Eliza since she was an infant. Through our discussion, you will learn actionable steps to raise awareness and advocate for the rights of natural fathers. Together, we can make a difference and bring about positive change for fathers fighting for their right to parent.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Discover the impact of unjust treatment of natural parents in adoption.
Uncover the corruption in the adoption system and its impact on parental rights.
Explore the role of racism in adoption cases and its effects on natural fathers.
Advocate for parental rights and learn how to increase awareness and support for natural fathers.
My special guest is Paul Fiscus
Paul Fiscus, a devoted natural father, brings a unique perspective to the discussion on adoption and custody rights. His personal experiences have propelled him to become a passionate advocate for the rights of natural fathers. Paul's unwavering determination and in-depth understanding of the legal intricacies surrounding adoption highlight the hurdles that natural fathers can sometimes encounter. His insights and commitment to creating change in the treatment of natural fathers make him an invaluable voice in the ongoing dialogue about fathers' rights in the adoption process.
ππππππππ
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
ππππππππ
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Visit the website freeeliza.com to learn more about Paul's fight for his daughter and to stay updated on his advocacy efforts.
Connect with Paul directly by emailing him at [email protected] if you have any specific questions or want to offer support or assistance.
Connect with the Free Eliza group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/freeelizaSupport or volunteer for Saving Our Sisters with Renee Gelin: https://savingoursistersadoption.org/
ππππππππ
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
ππππππππ
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
ππππππππ
Understand Unjust Treatment in Adoption
The adoption industry is a tumultuous space characterized by decisions that can often feel arbitrary and unjust to the affected parties. This is highlighted in Paul Fiscus' experience where he faced severe challenges in fighting for his rights as a natural father. The bias and seeming corruption in the system reflect a pressing need for increased dialogue, ethical practices and actionable reform to provide fair treatment for all parties involved.Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth Syverson introduces the podcast and her guest, Paul Fiscus, who shares his experience as a natural father to a daughter he hasn't seen since infancy. The conversation aims to shed light on the complexities and injustices of adoption.
00:01:16 - Becoming a Father
Paul Fiscus shares his experience of finding out about becoming a father at 39 and the complexities of his relationship with the natural mother of his daughter. He discusses the challenges of co-parenting and the impact of the mother's bipolar disorder on their plans.
00:04:00 - Relinquishment and Legal Battles
Paul discusses the challenges he faced when the natural mother cut off contact and the subsequent relinquishment of his daughter for adoption. He details the legal battles, ethical violations, and his relentless efforts to fight for his parental rights.
00:08:48 - Birth Mother's Motivation
Paul reveals the birth mother's motivations, including her refusal to co-parent, control issues, and financial gains from the adoption. He highlights the unethical practices within the adoption industry and the impact on his daughter's well-being.
00:12:42 - Adoptive Parents' Role
Paul discusses the refusal of the adoptive parents to communicate with him and their perspective on the legal process. He emphasizes the ethical and moral considerations surrounding the adoption of his daughter.
00:13:00 - Filing for Paternity
Paul shares his experience of filing for paternity despite uncertainty about being the biological father. He discusses the legal process, including the petition and motions filed.
00:14:38 - Legal Battle and Emotional Toll
Paul recounts the emotional and legal challenges he faced in the courtroom. He details the accusations made against him and the impact it had on his mental health.
00:18:48 - Seeking Relief
Paul discusses his current legal actions, including filing a writ to the US Supreme Court. He expresses frustration with the legal system and the challenges he faces in seeking justice for his situation.
00:20:26 - Emotional Impact and Coping
Paul opens up about the emotional toll of the situation, including struggles with PTSD and managing anger. He shares how music and meditation have helped him cope.
00:22:56 - Last Legal Resort
Paul explains that filing a writ to the US Supreme Court is his last legal option. He also discusses potential motives behind the opposition he has faced in the legal system.
00:25:49 - Coping with lack of support
Paul discusses the lack of support he has received and the impact it has had on him. He mentions feeling frustrated and unheard, highlighting the need for awareness and advocacy for fathers in similar situations.
00:26:24 - Race and adoption
The conversation delves into the racial dynamics of adoption, with Paul noting the disparity in outcomes for Caucasian fathers compared to Hispanic or African American fathers. They discuss the disturbing implications of this racial divide in the adoption process.
00:27:43 - Gender dynamics in the legal system
The conversation touches on the frustration with the legal system, particularly the role of judges who are often parents themselves. They explore the challenges of advocating for parental rights in a system that seems to favor certain demographics.
00:29:00 - Impact on the child
The discussion delves into the emotional impact on Paul's daughter, Eliza, and the potential consequences of the misinformation she may have been exposed to. They express concern for the future relationship between Eliza and her adoptive parents.
00:33:32 - Call to action
Paul emphasizes the importance of raising awareness and promoting ethical adoption practices. He encourages listeners to share the episode and engage in advocacy efforts to support ethical family preservation and child welfare.
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Take the initiative to learn from all the resources that are out there. Recognize the importance of doing so for the benefit of adopted youth. - Meggin (Nam) Holtz
If you're interested in supporting adopted youth in your family or community, then we have inspiration for you in today's episode! You may be trying to provide a loving and understanding environment, but still seeing your child struggle with feelings of not belonging. If you're feeling like your efforts to connect with an adopted youth in your life are falling short, then you are not alone! It's common to feel frustrated and discouraged when you see your child grappling with identity issues despite your best efforts to support them.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Discover how adoption shapes identity exploration in youth.
Explore the transformative power of artistic expression for adoptees.
Uncover the complexities of searching for biological relatives as an adoptee, especially as a teen or young adult.
Learn the importance of support and community for adopted youth.
My special guest is Meggin (Nam) Holtz
Joining us today is the remarkable Meggin (Nam) Holtz, an intercountry, interracial adoptee and adoption therapist. As a Korean adoptee who was raised in the US, Nam has been at the forefront of adoption advocacy, awareness, and support for over a decade. With a Master's in Social Work, she brings a wealth of expertise, working in a private practice with adopted individuals and their families, while also engaging in macro work towards adoption reform and education. Nam's award-winning documentary, Found in Korea, serves as a powerful catalyst for discussions about adoption among youth and young adults, showcasing her commitment to empowering adoptees and fostering understanding.
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π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
ππππππππ
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Watch Nam's documentary film Found in Korea on Vimeo to gain insight into the experiences of intercountry, interracial adoptees who are searching for their birth parents: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/foundinkorea
Connect with Meggin (Nam) Holtz on Instagram at @foundinkoreafilm and on Facebook at Found in Korea
Visit the website adoptioninformed.com to learn more about Nam's therapy practice and find her contact information for potential therapy sessions.
Check out the Adoptee Mentoring Society that Nam mentioned, run by Angela Tucker: https://www.adopteementorship.org/
Here are Pact's youth groups: https://pactadopt.org/youth-clubs/
Find support groups and more events for all ages and all types of people touched by adoption at Beth's Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
Explore the unravelingadoption.com website for resources, coaching groups, and individual coaching services for adoptive parents.
Consider supporting the Unraveling Adoption podcast by visiting patreon.com/unravelingadoption to contribute to the show's maintenance and development.
Artistic Expression for Adoptees
Artistic expression can serve as a vital cathartic outlet for adoptees' feelings of confusion or alienation. Activities like dance or music not only provide a form of non-verbal communication but also can help adoptees feel connected and accepted.Identity and Adoption
The concept of identity is complex for adoptees, being shaped by both their biological heritage and the family that raises them. Adopted youths often grapple with issues regarding self-identity, as they navigate the intersection of different cultures, races, and environments. Providing a supportive environment that appreciates these unique experiences can foster a stronger sense of self and understanding for adoptees.Challenges of Biological Search
It's common for adoptees to seek their biological roots to answer questions about identity and heritage. However, this journey can often be fraught with emotional turmoil and disappointment. Support and guidance during this process can prevent feelings of isolation and help the adoptees deal with complex emotions constructively.ππππππππ
Other Resources:
APtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Adoptee-Therapist Directory: https://growbeyondwords.com/adoptee-therapist-directory/
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Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
ππππππππ
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introducing the Guests
Beth welcomes Joey as co-host, and introduces the guest, Meggin (Nam) Holtz, an intercountry, interracial adoptee, and adoption therapist. They discuss their personal experiences with adoption.
00:03:19 - The Power of Dance and Music
Nam shares her experience as a professional dancer and the importance of dance and music in her life as a form of nonverbal communication and emotional regulation. Joey also shares his experience as a musician and how music has been a lifeline for him.
00:11:13 - The Journey to Making a Documentary
Nam discusses her decision to make a documentary about her birth search and reunion in Korea. She shares the emotional process of deciding to search for her birth family and the challenges of documenting her journey on film.
00:13:46 - Navigating Korea Alone
Beth inquires about Nam's experience of traveling to Korea by herself, not knowing the language, and managing the camera while documenting her emotional journey. They touch upon the challenges and emotional turmoil Nam faced during her trip.
00:09:29 - Identity and Alienation
Joey shares his experience of feeling alienated and struggling with his identity as a minority in a predominantly white school and how it impacted his self-perception. Nam also reflects on her own challenges with identity and feeling alienated growing up in a white household.
00:14:02 - Emotional Challenges and Directing
Nam shares the emotional challenges and behind-the-scenes work of directing her documentary. She discusses the struggle of maintaining composure on camera and the non-stop work during filming, highlighting the intense experience of creating the film.
00:16:11 - Visiting Country of Origin
Nam encourages people to visit their country of origin, emphasizing the value of experiencing the space and its resonance without the pressure of fulfilling certain expectations. She reflects on her own powerful moment in the water on the island where she was born.
00:17:48 - Purpose of the Film
Beth and Nam discuss the impact and purpose of the film, Found in Korea, for young adoptees and families. Nam shares her intention to create a positive and hopeful representation of searching for one's origins, emphasizing the importance of representation and early intervention in addressing adoption-related questions and losses.
00:23:36 - Learning and Growth
Nam reflects on her family's openness to learning and acknowledges the changes and growth in her understanding of adoption over time. She discusses the evolving perspectives and terminology in the adoption community, highlighting the shifting nature of knowledge and awareness in this area.
00:27:40 - Teen Mentorship and Group Outings
Nam and Joe discuss their experiences in teen mentorship and the impact of group outings for adoptee teens. They highlight the challenges of online adoption groups and the need for in-person connections.
00:28:55 - Barriers to Online Adoption Groups
Joe expresses his preference for in-person meetings and the difficulty of building relationships online. Nam highlights the need for responsible leadership in in-person support groups for youth and mentions various online adoptee groups and meetups.
00:33:31 - Adoptees Not a Monolith
The conversation delves into the diversity within the adoptee community, emphasizing the importance of recognizing different experiences, such as transracial adoption and age at adoption. They stress the need for understanding and acknowledging these differences.
00:36:53 - Challenges Faced by Youth
Joe shares his perspective on societal expectations and the challenges faced by the younger generation. Nam acknowledges the need for adults to listen more and acknowledges the unique experiences and perspectives of today's youth.
00:39:12 - Taking Initiative to Learn and Speak Up
Nam urges adoptive parents and community members to take the initiative to educate themselves about adoption experiences. They emphasize the importance of speaking up against the dominant narrative of adoption as purely positive and recognizing the complexities and losses involved.
00:42:23 - Reconnecting with Joe
Beth expresses her excitement about having Joe back on the podcast and looks forward to more appearances in the future.
00:42:36 - Unraveling Adoption
Beth shares information about the website, coaching groups, and resources available for adoptive parents.
00:42:50 - Support for Adoptive Parents
Nam emphasizes the availability of free resources and coaching for adoptive parents, encouraging them to seek support.
00:43:06 - Conclusion and Call to Action
Beth, Nam, and Joe express their gratitude for the conversation and encourage listeners to stay safe. Beth also mentions the Patreon account for those interested in supporting the podcast.
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I think that it's definitely a complicated thing, no matter how great the conditions are. But it definitely did something for me to have contact with my biological part of the adoptee experience. - Ben Coolman
If the adoptee in your life is feeling overwhelmed by conflicting loyalties and uncertainty about where they belong, we want them to know they are not alone! Despite their efforts to maintain relationships with both sets of parents, they may find themself feeling torn between two worlds and struggling to find their own identity. This is a common experience for many kids and young adult adoptees who grew up in open adoptions, but there are ways to navigate this journey and find oneβs authentic self.
In this episode, you will be able to:
Gain insight into unique open adoption experiences.
Navigate the challenges for adoptees of maintaining relationships with multiple parents.
Discover the need for support tailored for young male adoptees.
===============
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
===============
My special guest is Ben Coolman
Ben Coolman, a 23-year-old philosophy grad student at Boston College, joins Beth on this episode. Ben's unique experience as a same-race domestic adoptee in an open adoption from birth brings a fresh perspective to understanding the dynamics of open adoption. Growing up with other siblings (not biologically related) in open adoptions, Ben offers valuable insights on navigating relationships with multiple sets of parents and the impact of openness on his life. His candid approach and personal journey provide a relatable and insightful take on the complexities of open adoption, making this episode a must-listen for adoptive parents, young adult adoptees navigating similar experiences, and community members who want to understand adoption's complexities better.
Here's how to find Ben:
Follow Ben on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bencoolman1/
Connect with Ben on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ben.coolman.10
Reach out to Ben via email: [email protected]
Other Resources:
Male adoptee support groups (Community Calendar filtered for Male Adoptees only): https://airtable.com/app2ZqjhAS6xbLNBt/shroqjNUz502b5FJEAPtitude Support Group for Adoptive Parents Facing Adoptionβs Challenges: UnravelingAdoption.com/APtitude
Other Parents Like Me - oplm.com
Heather Ross - Life Coaching for Parents who have a child struggling with addiction: https://heatherrosscoaching.com/
Navigating the Complexities
Navigating an open adoption's complex dynamic demands strength and an intuitive understanding of human emotions. Ben discussed how managing relationships with four parents can occasionally be challenging, especially the pressure to spend equal time with each parent. He also emphasized the importance of personal growth, self-security, and following intuition when managing the demanding task of evenly divided attention and care.===============
Unraveling Adoption is produced and hosted by Beth Syverson
Music written and performed by Joseph Nakao
Email questions or comments to [email protected]
Find us on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube
Support Unraveling Adoption on Patreon: Patreon.com/UnravelingAdoption
Check out our website: www.UnravelingAdoption.com
Create your own podcast through Libsyn: https://signup.libsyn.com/?promo_code=ADOPTION
===============
Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:00:00 - Introduction and Background
Beth introduces the podcast and her guest, Ben Coolman, a 23-year-old adoptee in an open adoption. Ben shares his origin story, highlighting how his biological parents selected his adoptive parents before his birth.
00:03:55 - Childhood Perceptions
Ben reflects on his childhood perceptions of adoption, including his naive belief that everyone gets adopted. He also discusses his experiences with visits from his biological parents and their influence on his understanding of adoption.
00:08:18 - Contrasting Relationships
Ben explores the differences between his biological and adoptive parents, highlighting their unique sensibilities and the distinct ways he bonds with each of them. He also touches on his evolving understanding of the adoption experience as he matures into adulthood.
00:10:01 - Navigating Relationships
Ben discusses the challenges of managing multiple parental relationships as a young adult. He shares his experience of balancing holiday visits between his biological and adoptive families, highlighting the complexities of maintaining these connections.
00:13:47 - Personal Reflections
Ben reflects on his personality traits, noting his fluctuation between being assertive and considering others' needs. He also shares his attempts to integrate and balance his relationships by finding a sense of belonging between his adoptive family in Providence, Boston, and New York.
00:14:08 - Building in the Woods with Biological Father
Ben sets aside a month every summer to build in the woods with his biological father, sacrificing time with friends. He shares about their construction projects and the intense experience of working together for a month.
00:16:20 - Advantages of Open Adoption
Ben reflects on the positive aspects of growing up in an open adoption, including exposure to diverse experiences and the interest his biological parents have in him. He emphasizes the unique nature of his own open adoption experience.
00:18:13 - Disadvantages of Open Adoption
Ben discusses the complexities of open adoption, including the internal struggle of feeling pulled between his biological and adoptive parents. He shares how the contrasting backgrounds and careers of his parents have influenced his perspective.
00:23:16 - Impact of Open Adoption on Identity
Ben delves into how open adoption has helped him make sense of his story, providing insight into his background and the reasons behind his adoption. He explores the concept of the adoption constellation and its influence on his journey to self-coherence.
00:24:53 - Nature vs. Nurture
Ben reflects on the interplay between nature and nurture in shaping his identity, acknowledging the impact of both sets of parents on his development. He discusses how his career path aligns with his adoptive parents' backgrounds while being influenced by his biological parents' sensibilities.
00:27:46 - Connecting with Young Men
The host expresses the need for more young men to connect with her son Joey and highlights his son's deep thinking. Ben offers to interact with people on social media and shares his contact information. -
I think for my mother, she didn't always really see me quite as a person of equal value. - Janell Strube
A biracial adoptee, Janell Strube, shares her powerful journey of navigating racial identity and the impact of racism behind closed doors. Did she ever find the acceptance and understanding she sought?
In this episode, you will be able to:
Realize the complexities of biracial identity.
Begin to understand the impact of racism on identity formation.
Navigate the unique challenges of biracial identity.
Learn how to create a supportive environment for biracial or transracial adopted people.
Break the cycle of intergenerational trauma through awareness and action.
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My special guest is Janell Strube
Janell Strube is an accomplished domestic interracial adoptee, memoirist, novelist, and poet. With her unique perspective as an biracial adoptee and an adoptive parent, she navigates the complexities of race and adoption with depth and insight. Having been adopted at just four days old through a church adoption and growing up in a predominantly white community, she faced challenges and prejudices that shaped her understanding of her biracial identity. Her writings and poetry offer a powerful glimpse into her journey, providing valuable insights for parents of biracial children seeking guidance and understanding.
The resources mentioned in this episode are:
Check out Janell Strube's memoir, novels, and poetry to gain further insight into her adoptee experiences: janellstrube.com
Find Janell on Instagram: @janellstrube
Subscribe to Janell's Substack: https://janellstrube.substack.com/
Attend adoption-related events, screenings, and gatherings in your local area to connect with others in the adoption community: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
ππππππππ
π Community Calendar: UnravelingAdoption.com/Calendar
β¨Healing the Adoption Constellation database: UnravelingAdoption.com/Healing
πSign up for our Unraveling Adoption email list: http://eepurl.com/hVIAVX
ππππππππ
Exploring impact of racism on biracial identity
Racism can play a significant role in the development of a biracial identity, particularly when it manifests within the familial setting, as encountered by Janell. This can lead to confusion, insecurity, and emotional distress, potentially disrupting a child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. The way in which a family navigates and counteracts racism can heavily influence a child's perception of their racial identity and their ability to fully embrace their dual heritage.Learning strategies to navigate challenges
Navigating the challenges of biracial identity formation involves actively embracing and valuing the child's distinct cultural backgrounds. Acknowledging and addressing inherent prejudice, providing positive role models from both of the child's racial backgrounds, and listening to and validating the child's experiences are strategies that can cultivate a supportive environment. As in Janell's experience, writing can also be used as a tool for healing and making sense of one's racial identity.ππππππππ
Here's Janell's Tree poem:
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Timestamped summary of this episode:
00:01:17 - Early Childhood and Adoption
Janell shares that she was adopted when she was four days old through a church adoption. Her birth mother, who was white, made the decision to relinquish her. Janell also reveals that she was introduced as a "mulatto child" during her childhood.
00:03:32 - Discovering Her Biracial Identity
Janell explains that she learned she was adopted and biracial when she was three years old. She recalls the emotions she felt upon finding out and how her parents handled the revelation. She also discusses her perception of herself as both black and white.
00:05:59 - Community and Racism
Janell discusses her experience growing up in a predominantly white community. She shares that she faced racism from some members of her community and struggled with the lack of support or protection from her parents. She also reflects on her parents' pride in adopting a mulatto child.
00:09:26 - Lack of Context and Value
Janell talks about the lack of context her parents provided regarding her adoption and how it affected her sense of identity. She also mentions that her mother didn't always see her as a person of equal value, which has been an ongoing source of pain.
00:13:41 - Experiencing Racism in Closed Doors
The guest shares her personal experience of racism within her own family, including her birth grandmother's refusal to be called grandmother and her birth mother's family's rejection of her because she is biracial.
00:14:31 - The Impact of Racist Comments
Racist comments have a deep and lasting impact on children who are adopted into families that ignore or perpetuate racism. The guest describes these comments as cuts on the soul, causing long-term emotional and psychological harm.
00:15:19 - Lack of Cultural and Racial Mirrors
The guest discusses the lack of cultural and racial mirrors in her early life, with white people dominating her surroundings and no role models to look up to. It was only later, in high school, that she found a black friend who became her cultural mirror.
00:16:41 - Uncomfortable Interracial Experience
The guest's mother felt embarrassed when they attended a Jesse Jackson event where they were the only white people. It was a moment that made her mother uncomfortable and gave her a glimpse of what it feels like to be the racial minority.
00:20:12 - Writing as a Coping Mechanism
The guest turned to writing as a coping mechanism, using it as a way to express her feelings and experiences that couldn't be openly discussed or shared. Writing became a tool for self-expression and a way to release the pain she felt.
00:27:33 - Being a Bridge
The guest discusses the importance of being a bridge between two worlds and finding inner strength to navigate challenges and find purpose.
00:28:10 - Fostering Children
The guest shares her experience growing up as an adopted child and how it inspired her to become a foster parent. She highlights the need for better treatment and support for children in foster care.
00:29:28 - Adopting her Son
The guest talks about adopting her son after his mother passed away and how she made a daily commitment to him. She acknowledges the struggles he faces but expresses pride in his resilience and ability to find joy in life.
00:31:32 - Mother-Son Bond
The guest shares a precious memory of visiting her son in Florida and wearing matching hats. She describes their close bond and her admiration for his big heart.
00:33:07 - Advice for Parents of Biracial Children
Janell provides advice for parents of biracial children, emphasizing the importance of examining prejudices, modeling non-racist behavior, and valuing all cultures. She also encourages parents to listen to and advocate for their children's experiences.
00:41:41 - Connecting with Family
Janell discusses how she connects with both sides of her family and sees herself as a part of them, whether for good or bad. She expresses that writing her memoir is helping her process her experiences and put them into perspective.
00:42:30 - Complex Lives
Janell reflects on the complexity of her own life and the lives of those involved in her adoption. She discusses the importance of understanding the struggles and pain of her adoptive mother and birth mother, and how it shapes her perspective.
00:43:45 - Generational Trauma
The conversation shifts to the concept of intergenerational trauma and how it is passed down through genes. Janell believes in the truth of epigenetics and how the trauma of her ancestors is present within her. She emphasizes the importance of mitigating pain for future generations.
00:45:01 - Unconditional Love and Acceptance
Janell highlights the importance of unconditional love and acceptance within her family, especially as an adoptive parent herself. She acknowledges the need to let children find their own path and not see them as mirrors of ourselves.
00:47:19 - Validating Adoptees' Stories
Janell expresses gratitude for being able to share her story and emphasizes the importance of adoptive parents listening to adoptees without trying to minimize or invalidate their experiences. She hopes that her story will help others understand the complexities of adoption. - Visa fler
